DuuDuuusstt... aahhhhchoooooo

We are in full mode for cleaning out the dust from our house. It has only been 2 weeks (cleaned 2 monday nights ago, fully dusted and swept) and let me tell you we are being taken over by the dust bunnies. I know the doggies are shedding like crazy so it is even worse. I wish I could hire a cleaning lady to just come dust ever 2 weeks. LOL BUT I reserve those funds for our future adoption.

No, no calls yet from the agency. BUT holding onto hope that the calls start coming in soon. This time last year a few calls came in so we were excited to think that can happen again!

The social worker will be here Thursday at 6 pm. I can honestly say I am 3/4 as nervouse as I was from last year. OMG .. the support group friends warned me we would not have to clean like mad people for our home study last year, but we did and I know now that we over did it. This home study renewal?, nah,,,,, nope... I won't wear myself out like a mad dog. I know we clean every few weeks top to bottom for a reason and it is time to do it again so this time around I feel it is a routine cleaning yet for a good purpose.

Ok, off to bathe the doggies. Then clean the fish tank that only has one resident in it now. Bah.

GOTTA LOVE THIS WEATHER. I LOVE SPRING, wait.. the only thing I hate about Spring is that we lost an hour on our sleep(which this insomniac so misses ever minute I lose).

BTW, Note the change in the funds on our 2500.00 goal. I managed to sell another few hundred dollars of my ebay items. YEAH! We will be paying Cash earned for our homestudy renewal this time around of $350.00. We spent 10.00 total on the Crimal background check this time around too and 40.00 on co-pays for the doc visits. I think that is it for fees for this renewal. Let me think on that one.

going going going..

14 lbs gone

I am 14 lbs down from the middle of November when I joined Weight Watchers. YEAH. It is a slow process, but rewarding at the same time. Just in time for SPRING.

Things for the adoption front are ok... I have my physical booked for tomorrow for our home study renewal. DH has his physical booked for Tuesday and then we have our in house home study renewal visit one week from tonight. Cleaning house already. I like the fact that we have to clean the house as we have been slacking on that, plus the doggies need baths. LOL.

Prayers and hugs for those that have recently had + news and those that have had hard negative news in relation to Trying to conceive and adopting. MAJOR HUGS for those with sad heartbreaking news.

I am ready for SPRING.. Bring it on.


oh, sorry I have not logged on in a while, but blogger changed their log in process to be related to signing into gmail now. ARRGGHHH. Finally got it all set so I can now log in and post. YEAH. I hate it when I am comfortable with things and the world desides to chang up things.

I have not babysat in ages and today I finally got a call to babysit again, but dang it already we are busy next tuesday night and wednesday night in prep for the home study so I can't babysit. I actually miss those kiddo's. I told their mommy to tell them I said hello. I hope we can catch up soon. Mommy C said they just have been watching the budget so they have not even had another babysitter fill in. I was also thankful because mommy C passed my name onto another couple for sitting. FUN. I know camping season is coming up so I hope I don't miss out on the fun dates to meet up and watch C's son and daughter.

Email me if you need a baby sitter in the local St. Louis City/S. County / West County area. I am infant cpr certified and have babysat since I was 15 and have good references if needed. I also will drive myself to your place so you won't have to pick me up and drive me home after a night out. LOL I know that is hard for some couples when they need a babysitter. I accept checks because I like to take that check and directly deposit into our adoption savings account. If you pay cash, I SPEND IT. Bahaha

Ok, off to sell our Cardinals opening day tickets for standing room only because we scored party box tickets. GO CARDINALS. Wouldn't that be sweet if the Cardinals can repeat?! St. Louis would sure be the buzz of MLB.

Related? Do you ever run into

do you ever run into someone with your maiden last name? In a way I did. One of my ebay items I sold this weekend was bought by a lady with my maiden name. I won't post what that name is, but it is not a very common name. Irish, yet, but not one you here of too often. Not like the name of Jackson or Smith! I went to print out her ebay shipping tag tonight and realized that her last name was the same as my maiden name so now I wonder if she is some long distant relative or maybe if she married into the family?
hmmm

Ever have that happen?

yummy kabobs..a kitty update... adoption process update

If you ever shop at Aldi, try their frozen Asia Specialties skewered Teriyaki chicken kabobs. OH MY they are yummy. My co-worker had them for lunch the other day so I went by Aldi on my way home and picked them up along with several other items. I heated them up in the oven today as instructed and ate some for lunch. OMG.. They are so good. These were perfect lunch/snack sized. They are small kabobs, but perfect for that appetizer you need to take to a party or have handy when you have guests come over and need something heated up in a few minutes(15 or so in the oven and 1/2 that time in the microwave).

Gizmo the kitty is doing much better after having started over a weeks worth of insulin shots. It was worth ever penny we spent on her to see her turn around in health. She is on 2 units of insulin in the AM and 2 in the PM. She is now also on hills w/d prescription diet food too... she seems to like it so far, but I have seen a decrease in her consumption in the last few days. I hope it is because she is balanced out on her insulin now that she does not have to eat so much and keep drinking water like she was.

Our home study renewal is in process. We have both booked our physicals for March 9th and 13th. Then our in home visit with the social worker is set for the evening of the 15th. I will say that I am in a less frantic state about preparing for the home study visit this time around than we were last March. I am much more relaxed, I think DH is too. We still can't believe it has been nearly a year having been active with our agency and home study ready, but we know the wait will well be worth every moment.

I talked to the agency owner the other day by email and all is well, we just hope that the activity of potential birthmothers picks up with the agency soon. We also contacted the agency in KS that we have our profile with and she said that the winter months have been slow, but keep our hopes up that we will be able to hear more soon.

Cheers to you all. I hope that this nasty cold wet weather clears up so we can all watch the season turn into Spring. A time for renewal of hope and activity to keep us all in happy moods.

1 year ago, can you believe it?

One year ago this week (including next week) we were turning in our first rounds of paperwork associated with our homestudy process for domestic adoption of our first baby.

I got the homestudy renewal packet from the agency and have been looking at it for the past few weeks. Doing nothing about it yet, until today. I cracked it open and started filling out the background check sheets that we have to send off to the state highway patrol for Criminal Records and Identification division. Then we have forms to get our physicals done. I have my physical booked with our primary doc on March 9th and DH has his booked on the 13th I think (we have the same doc btw) . With those full physicals we need to do we also have to have a TB test. We then have to book a visit with our social worker and submit the payment of 350.00 to complete the homestudy update. Not sure if that visit is in her office or in our home. If it is in our home, I will tell you that I won't freak out and clean clean clean like a fool. I will clean, yet, but I won't go overboard either like we did last year. LOL If anyone has been through the home visit part of the homestudy then you know what I am talking about... Prep for the White Glove inspection type of cleaning. Ha

Things are rolling forward, but man let me tell you I am so wishing for the phone to ring with any udpates of potential situations to come in through our agency or the agency we are in the pbm pool in KS. Oh Phone ring.. ring ring.

I was recently asked by a friend, " How are you dealing with having to wait so long for any calls?". Well To be honest I can't grasp that we have been homestudy ready for nearly a year already. I mean, it really seems only like 6 months ago that we did the homestudy, but it really has been nearly 11 months ago. We both have very busy jobs so that helps pass the time. I am working hard on my EBAY items for sale trying to gather up the funds to help pay cash for each step of the process. So far we have 251.00 to help pay the 350.00 homestudy renewal fee. YEAH. (oh wait, I forgot that we had to use some of that money towards our sick kitty- gizmo! and yes, she is doing much better with her insulin shots and diabetic food now).

Oops, I got off track......So back to talking about the time passing. I look forward to when the time really is OUR TIME for that right call to say we have been matched and selected by a potential birthmother (pbm). I know when we first got to sit down with our agency, she told us it could be up to 18 months for a match to possibly happen. So while we approach the 12 month mark, I am saying prayers, tugging on DH to say his prayers too, and asking for come patience to keep our chins up and think forward to that day when we get the call instead of sulking for not having a match yet.

The adoption support group in town is helping keep my Sanity. Thanks to D for running the meetings. She is a true inspriation to help us keep our minds focused forward and hopeful. She and the others that attend the meeting really do get it and really do understand that sometimes the wait is hard to deal with but realizing in the end when we have our baby it will all be well worth the wait. They can help me break down the fears I have. They help me remain confident we made the right decisions in the path of becoming parents through and within adoption. The Last IAS adoption meeting was great because we talked about the fears of waiting for a match, what to expect when we do get that call and what to pack if we have to travel out of town to meet our future baby and potentially the birth family.

We learned that it is not necessary to take a pack-n-play, it is ok if we need to get a 2 bedroom suite so one of us can sleep while the other will most likely be awake feeding or changing or bonding with our baby. It is ok to not pack TONS of supplies because more likely than not there will be a Wally-Mart or Target, or nice grocery store near you so you can buy diapers, bottles, formula, etc. Just pack sleepers, clothes, and some simple newborn or basic baby care items if needed. We can always get an extra cheap suitcase to send this all home if flying in from out of town.

D helped to allay the fears of another lady that has dogs, she was afraid the homestudy will go badly if her dogs are around while the social worker is in her house for the home visit of the homestudy. We have 3 lab mix doggies and 1 kitty. So we know it is possible to pass your homestudy with animals in the house. We love our doggies and kitty to the core so I would not want the social worker to have not met them. She even interacted with them and calmed them down from stranger barking at first too.

Ok, back to writing that 10.00 check for the background checks and finding a legal sized business envelope in this house so I can address these papers to the Missouri State Highway Patrol, Criminal Records and Identification Division.

Anyone else have to renew their homestuday? If so, was your renewal visit with the social worker at your home or at their office?

One small update on my Weight Watchers weigh in. Today was week 8 of weigh ins and I have managed to lose another .8 lbs. So my total weight loss is now 12 lbs. YEAH. I feel good. My clothes are fitting better and honestly I can't wait until the start to get really baggy. That gives me a push to keep dropping the weight. I want new clothes for work, but I want to reach my 10% goal of a loss of nearly 22 lbs. Yes, That is my 10%. Yikes, but just glad I am 1/2 way there. I don't have a set weight loss goal, but to keep chugging the lbs off me is my goal.

Dirt tattoo

Holt on Dirt is HOT. Wahhhhh.

Tonights episode features a tattoo on his right upper arm. "Virescit vulnere virtus" (Courage grows strong at a wound)is a great saying. I have heard it before, but never seen it in a tattoo. He wears it well.

Courage grows strong at a wound or Courage grows strong through a wound is latin from what I remember. I have looked at it again on google and it some claim this to be their Clan Motto for Scottish or Celtic heritage. But it is a Latin Saying originally. Hmmm Prety strong words though for anyone to read into. I have courage, but to make it grow stronger at the face of a wound is pretty deep depending on how you look at the meaning of it.

Oh, I love the name Holt btw.

weight be gone

Ok.. WW's weigh in was a great suprise today (Saturday) with a loss of 2.8 lbs. This is week 7 of ww's( but really week 13 because I skipped a few weigh in's here and there) .. so my total is :

DOWN 11.2 lbs. WOOOHOOO!
My weeks went like this...
11/11/06: starting weight 218.2
11/18/06: -5.2 lbs
12/2/ 06: -1 lb
12/9/06: -0.6 lb
1/20/07: -1.6 lbs (yes, I managed to lose weight during the holidays wink.gif
2/3/07: did not lose anything, but did not gain either
2/10/07: -2.8 lbs

starting weight: 219.2
current weight: 208
goal: I use to say 145, but I am just happy with anything less than today's weight.

219.2/208/145

I have not been exercising like I need so my goal in the next week is to walk at least 4 miles in 5 days. We have a walking track at work (temporarily) so I will walk as much as possible.

Oh kitty I love you so, but why are you so expensive? Part 2

Finally after a long few days wait I called the vets office tonight to see if they had gotten the blood results for dear kitty, Gizmo. The doctor was not in, arrgghhhh. I was told to call back tomorrow (Saturday). BUT Just after eating dinner tonight (1 hour after calling the office) the Vet himself called me back from his home. I think the office called him and told him to call me after I called to check in and was not happy about not having gotten a call from him as promised no later than today.

So the verdict is that Gizmo has Diabetes.

Well, this is no surprise to me. She has all the classic symptoms of this disease. We have done nothing wrong to cause this, but more so he mentioned her age as one of the major contributors that has brought this on plus the fact that she is not on the best diet food. We get to buy some nice yummy food for her and then give her shots.

So he asked me to book an appointment soon (Monday) and bring Gizmo back in so he can give me a prescription to take to the local corner (HUMAN) pharmacy to get insulin and needles and so that he can give me a class in giving 2 shots daily to my poor non-suspecting kitty. Poor girl.

A funny thing is that I DON'T NEED a shot class. Ok, I am sure I can learn a quick tip or two from the vet on how to keep the kitty still while I give her shots, but little does he know that I have managed to give myself over 600 shots in all my 5 fresh IVF cycles and 1 frozen and IUI cycle (well ok, kudos to DH helped me with the PIO shots in the hips). So I am sure the drawing up of the insulin into the needle will be easily remembered and the kitty will be happy she has someone that knows how to administer shots to her instead of an uneasy, trembling hand.

I am sad I have to give her shots, but if it means a happy kitty, MORE POWER TO HER, literally. The hard part of prepping for her shots in the future is actually finding her in the house because she sure has some interesting hiding/resting places throughout. She loves to snuggle up in the clothes I have stacked up in the basement laundry room. She loves to go downstairs in the family room so if she is out in the open I can easily take the shot to her, but I will be on the hunt for her here and there.

oh kitty I love you so, but why are you so expensive?

Yes, my cat and dogs are my children and yes, I will spend money on them to keep them well. That said, 200.00 later. OUCH. Yes, my furkitty, Gizmo, is sick. She is nearly 14 years old and she is showing her age.

After a few weeks of noticing her back legs were giving out on her and she was seemingly walking flat footed, I took her into the vet tonight. She is dehydrated, has a very rapid heartrate, skinny (down 5 lbs in the last 2 years) and is showing signs of either diabetes or kidney disease. So after seeing the doc for about 8 mintues, he takes her back to take blood, empty her bladder for a specimen and gave her a large bolis of IV fluids under the skin.

The Vet will call me on Thursday or early Friday with her blood results. I wonder what will happen if she has diabetes? Anyone ever had a cat with diabetes? I had gestational diabetes and gave myself shots so I can do that if necessary. Have you had to do this if your kitty was sick?

I have had a cat with Kidney failure so I know what to expect with that :(

Kitty's high heartrate also showed the known murmur she has. Poor girl. I love her so.

Please give some + vibes to her if you can spare a few. I have always had animals and hate hate hate it when we have to put them down. I don't want her to suffer, but I also want her to stay around as long as she is not in pain.

Lets see if I can post my kitty's picture again. This pic is from about 8 years ago. She loved to drink her water out of the sink so we always left the water running for her, now she hardly ever drinks out of the sink due to having to jump up there.

reminder to set my tivo

dr. phil has a story on in 2 parts about an adoption scammer. Lady posing to be pg that has scammed potential parents.

Dr. Phil is doing a show on Adoption Scams will air on Feb. 22(Part 1)
and Feb. 23 (Part 2).
You can see a clip of it here:

dr. phil on youtube
oourtsey of lynn on the yahoo adoption scam group

What's Happening?

Ok, I am ready for Spring. I mean SPRING. Not HOT weather. I am done liking all this snow and ice and snow. I am ready to work on a garden of veggies. I am ready to go camping. DH is ready too. He keeps telling me that every evening when we are at home. I am ready to bbq and eat out on the deck. I am ready for a nice long SPRING filled with decent temps.

I am keeping busy with the ebay stuff and am going to try my arm at selling on Craigslist again. So far we have another 200.00 saved up on my ebay sales, but my ebay invoice is coming out soon. Ouch. Anyone sell on ebay that can give me tips on how to open and run an ebay store? Is it worth it? I think if I can expose my sales more I would get more business, but am I making enough to do that? What kinds of fees are associated with a store? Listing/Sold fees I mean.

it's a bird, it's a plane, no it's a bald eagle

while DH and I were driving back from Illinois this afternoon over the Jefferson Barracks Bridge, I happened to look north along the east side of the Mississippi river and said to DH.. WOW.. I see a Bald Eagle.. WOW.. Just then a Semi blocked my view. I then turned around and looked back at the river bank along the Illinois side and saw the majestic creature beautifully coasting in the breezes over the riverbank looking for prey swimming in the murkey waters of one of the great rivers in the USA. This is only the second time I have ever seen a bald eagle soaring in our area of St. Louis in the winter months. I know, I have never been to Alton, IL to go eagle watching.. shame on me. BUT I can say without a doubt that I have a fondness for birds of prey like this. I am lucky enough to be able to spot several red-tailed hawks in my neighborhood and along the route of hwy 40/64 west to Mason. These creatures love to hunt small prey like rabbits, squirrels, mice, rats, etc... I see them purched upon light polls in front of my house and along hwy 40/64. They tend to be out there early morning around 8:15 or so and then I am lucky to see one flying over the highway in the afternoon around Lindbergh and 40/64. I always say a prayer to keep these birdies safe and strong hunters. We have run them out of our towns many times and yet they strive to survive in the cities and local counties. I love it. We are blessed to be able to see such simple wonders of nature. Oh.. one more sighting of a beautiful creature was that of a white large winged owl in my neighborhood about 2 weeks ago. I had been outside in the backyard with the doggies and heard the hoot of the owl many time around 9 pm. I then went back out with the dogs about 2 hours later and heard the hoot and then saw the large owl fly over my house to a huge tree about 2 blocks north of my house. I love seeing this in the City. I live between Wilmore park and Carondelet Park so we see a few birds and a few gournd creatures roaming our area. Heck, on year we had a female and male duck land in our pool while we had the cover on. LOL

Spending time

Time: it can be something that either drags along or goes in a whirlwind so fast that if you blink you miss the fun in it all.

For now, time is passing slow. Time tends to bring me to a point of way too much thinking, too many minutes to say "What if". I am staying positive that we will be parents sooner or later. Hopefully sooner than later.

I am mailing off a check Monday for The ABC's of Adoption seminar in March. DH and I are both going. I just ordered this book from Amazon this past week to read and then pass to family members (DH included). The book was recommended to me from the adoption support group leader.

I need to call the agency and ask them about what we need to do to prep to renew our homestudy. We were Homestudy approved on March 22nd, 2006. We must renew our homestudy each year while waiting. I can't believe so much time has passed since we were approved, honestly it does not seem like it has been that long. Thankfully! I am excited to think that 2007 really can bring us our dreams come true, a blessing of a baby in arms. A new dynamic to our family.

Are you ready for some winter weather? Hopefully we will get the lesser of 4-6 inches of snow predicted..LOL

Have I mentioned that I suffer from really bad chapped lips? I pick and pick at them when they are chapped that I end up with sores on them, so raw. Well I think I have found a near cure. Neosporin LT. My co-worker gave me one of this little sample packets, you know, the kind you find in a sample box at the local workout gym etc... well after just 2 days of use I swear my lips have healed about 95% of the way. I went to the local corner (BIG) drug store and found an applicator/stick to use and I have it with me everywhere I go. I will probably become a person that has to create an online support group of NLT(neosporin Lip Treatment) addicts. Bah... I was an addict with burts bees wax lip balm.

The weather did not spoil my Birthday

although the weather is nasty outside, freezing rain and sleet, we still managed to spend my birthday today attending the Blues hockey game(dh's gift to me) and then going to the RV show at Americas Center downtown. Yeah, the BLUEs won and the RV show helped us decide what to look for in another camper. I know DH will be browsing the internet for another camper now. LOL

So Thankful also for Shawn Hornbeck and Ben Ownby having been returned to their families alive. MIRACLE DO HAPPEN. They both have a long trial ahead of them, but I hope and pray they will always know they are loved. Let this FREAK that did this kidnapping pay for what he has done. I know we might not know every detail of what he has done or did, I just know he will pay for his crimes. I visited Shawn Hornbecks web page last night and reading the "Welcome Back" posts from everyone really were heart warming. Thankful for those police officers that figured out the truck was possibly the one that was associated with Ben's abduction. It is crazy though to know this was so close to our area. The apartment was only about 4 miles down the highway from my neighborhood. I have been to the business (pizza place) that the Freak worked at and it is hard to believe he had access to so many young teens there too. Sick. I just can't believe he lived a somewhat normal life like he had never done anything. So many thoughts, so many questions, so many prayers for both boys families.

Cheers

The ABC's of Adoption seminar coming up..

The ABC's of Adoption
March 10, 2007
8:00am - 3:30 pm
(Registration begins at 7:30am)
Holiday Inn Southwest/
Viking Conference Center
10709 Watson Rd. St. Louis MO 63127

Presented by Adoption Haven
215 South Kirkwood rd Suite 202
Kirkwood MO 63122
314-822-5708 fax 314-821-0068
www.adoptionhaven.com

PRESENTERS:

Tamara Schaefer Beidle, MSW, LCSW
-executive Director of Adoption Haven, LLC.
-she has been providing adoption services since 1997

Cynthia Smith, Atorney at Law
-practices in the area of adoption and is an adoptive parent

Charles Grbcich, MBA
-financial consultant with A.G.Edwards and Sons, Inc and is an adoptive father

David Smith, CPA
-is an accountant with EWS CPA PC and an adoptive father

Roldofo Rivera, Attorney at Law
-whose practiceincludes adoption, and is the CEO of Children of the World, Inc

Kim Cowherd, MSW, LCSW
-is a social worker providing counseling and related services to birthparents and is an adoptive mother

Allen Stewart, Attorney at Law
-is a partner with Beach, Stewart, Heggie and Mittleman. He practices in Family Law, including the area of adoption.

Michelle Crain, MSW, LCSW
-is a social worker and an adoptive mother.

the schedule includes:

adoption basics:
-adoption overview
-Beginning the process
-Financing adoption
-adoptive parent panel
-Q&A with Presenters

legal program
-International Adoption
-Domestic Adoption
-Surrogacy
-Q&A with Presenters

Call 314-822-5708 for a registration form to be mailed to you. or email tamara@adoptionhaven.com

$25.00 per individual
$40.00 per couple

(conference registration is not refundable)


SEE YOU THERE

hello? Can you hear me?

if not, then you are not the only one. I am voiceless right now. I came down with a nasty sinus infection and it has turned into a very bad sore throat and now the doc said bronchitis. I went yesterday afternoon and he checked me over. I am coughing like a barking dog so he prescribed me a nice cough medicine with vicodin for the pain I am getting in my chest/ lungs and now ribs and back from coughing so much. Then he prescribed me bioxen for an anti-biotic to help clear up this infections I have. Between all that I have managed to lose my voice. My friend called me last night to check on me and could not believe I sounded so different, well 2 hours later my voice was gone. Now I make noise, but it sounds like I am straining so hard to even make a word come out. I hate being sick. I have not gotten sick like this in over 6 years. I take lots of vitamins, but they won't stop a sinus infection like this that almost always turned into bronchial problems. I have not lost my voice since high school like this either.

I had to cancel with babysitting last night and today, but both of them understood. I hope they were able to get out an enjoy anyway. Mae, I am praying that you got to go up and see new baby A today. I feel bad I could not help out, but I did not want to expose you to any of this crap I have and then not be able to go be with A. Thanks for understanding.

Me and 3 doggies are cough potatoes today. It looks like a great day outside, but my butt is not going anywhere. DH is at the bowling alley getting instuctions so he can bowl better. Good luck on that. I think he actually went there to get his bowling ball redrilled.

DH bought a new dvd to watch tonight. Taladega Nights. I hope it is good and funny. I watched The Chronicals of Narnia last weekend and loved it. I am going to try and watch more movies this year. I use to make a list of movies that would come out on tape(you know VHS tapes, don't you remember when those were popular) or dvd now and try to watch them but never got around to more than 1/2 of the list. Well I am keeping my list simple and payperview busy with recent releases. What better to do when you are sick? Watching a good movie sure helps pass the time. WHat is your favorite movie that just came out on DVD or ppv?

Gotta put the Christmas decor way tomorrow. Just not up for doing it today.

Thank goodness it is the weekend and I can work on getting better physically before I go back to work Monday. I don't want to use any vacation this early in the year plus I need to save as much vacation time for WHEN WE GET A MATCH in the adoption front.

This year rings in with a fun filled work

week. Crammed full of exciting things to do and fix and create for those that need my help. I am, after all, the jack of all trades. I do a little of it all. Name it, I bet I do it. Go ahead and name something in the office and ask if I do it or something closely related to it. I Got A much appreciated back up from the boss today when I was working on a nearly 4 hour error fixing problem for another department. My bosses actions were not harsh to me as he knows the person the request for fix was coming from. Kinda diffused the problem or Mounting tension, know what I mean. Thanks boxx.

I went to bedbath&beyond tonight to buy some of those sheet straps .. they hold the corners of the sheet to the bed not allowing them to slid off ever move you make on the bed... AND NO not that kinda moving .. Bah
One of the packets did not have the advertised 4 straps in it so I called the company and this VERY PEPPY lady we will call J got on the phone to tell me it was really ok and that all I needed to bring back in was the package (to show proof that the package had been taped up by the store employee incorectly(most likely a returned item)) and my receipt back and I can get 2 replacement straps for my sheets. THANK GOODNESS becase last night DH and I both had problems with our corners of the sheets and matterss pas popping off the corners all night long. Felt funny to have all of it bunched up around the edge of the pillow and feet.

I have book 3 babysitting days in the next 2 weeks and possibly more coming up at the end of the month. I can't wait to be reintroduced to Ms.BOO via Mae Saturday. Mae and the Rev want to go spend some time with baby Av in the NICU so I am looking forward to spending a few FUN FILLED hours with Ms Boo. I am sure she will entertain us both and I can't wait to here how her world of growing up is. MAE Call me!

Ebay is doing well stil. Hard work making these baby bottle holders, but good reviews and feedback on them so far. Nice. My mommy should be very proud.. she put hard work into helping me set this all up.

Ok, going to bed a little early tonight due to challenging myself to NO CAFFEINE today and I did it. Ummm, can you now say FREAKIN' CAFFEINE HEADACHES? DH has one also. Hopefully sleep will bring a lighter pain or no pain.

Blessings and prayers to all my friends, family, etc.. I love you all.

Ok, I better go, this sleeping pill is really making me sappy. bah

ringing in 2007

How will you spend your night?

Usually DH and I head out to dinner and a movie and are home well before midnight. We stay bunkered down in the house because you never know which idiots will be out shooting off their guns. BUT ... We are doing dinner at his brothers house and then I am going to go babysit at 9 pm until ???.... FUN.. I know the kids might be asleep b4 midnight, but at least I can play with them for a while b4 they crash for the night.

I remember as a little kid my mom would allow us to stay up. We would get the metal pots and spoons and bring them out onto the front porch and bang the heck out of them at the new year. My neighbors would shoot off pretty & colorful fireworks and then about 20 minutes past the hour it would be all quiet. We would then go back inside and watch the West coast celebrations on tv. Little did I Know then that Dick Clark was TAPE DELAYED.. I was too little to know that he taped the New York celebration and then they replayed it for the West Coast. LOL

No, No New Years resolutions here except to have patience in the adoption process. I don't want it to take more than a year, but I have to realize that it could. Our agency is networking with more letters in January with hopes that some potential situations come of that.

I am doing well with Ebay these last few weeks and I hope to continue to grow the adoption funds. I need to update our marker on the fundraising. We hope we can pay cash for the next step in the process which is due when we are "matched" with a potential birthmother situation. Basically when she decides to accept our profile to be the potential parents to her baby. I think that fee is 5g's. Let me check on that.

Oh we got a new mattress this past weekend. We counted back and realized our mattress was 11 years old. No kidding. The pillow top was so beaten down and what remained of it was sliding off the side of the bed. We did not want to spend the money, but we had to. I could feel the springs poking through. Yikes. So I have to work extra hard to make up that money spend by babysitting and selling things on ebay and craigslist.

Speaking of Craigslist, my sister made a killing in December with selling things. She said it paid for all of her christmas gifts for the 3 kids and she had more to pay down a bill or two. So she did very good on there just cleaning out her garage and storage room downstairs. I will start working on the room downstairs(our "stuff" collection room) and start listing it on there. I need that room for my sewing set up and crafts so there is the incentive.

Cheers to a Happy 2007 for you and yours.

hounding the insurance paid off

back a few weeks ago I posted the picture of our gutter that was ripped off in the ice storm we had. DH put a claim in with our insurance full well knowing we have a $500.00 deductible. About 2 weeks later we got an adjuster to come out (while we were at work) and assess the damage. Since we were not there he could not get into our yard. Well actually they sent him out to look at the damage without setting up an appointment with us to let him in our yard through the house. The gutter was blocking the gate on the side of the house where most of the damage was behind. We got a whopping $36.88 check (again remember that we had a $500.00 deduct) for the difference in damages. I could not believe it. DH then talked to the adjuster and asked him how the hell he assessed the damage without entering the yard. The adjuster admitted the did his valuation from the FRONT of our house. Now from the front of the house is about 60-70 feet long to the back and due to the way the gutter came off you could not see the damage from the FRONT of the house. So I promptly got on the phone with my agents assistant just after Christmas and told her I was going to get 2-4 other estimates because I am not a fool to accept that there was only $536.88 worth of damage. I tried to call 4 roofing/gutter companies and they are all 6-8 weeks booked out to even do estimates. I then called the agents assistant back and told her to send out another adjuster this week. Thankfully DH was home so they met Thursday here at our house and DH let him in back and showed him the West side of the building gutter to prove it was damaged too. Today, Saturday, we just got a call from that new adjuster and they are cutting us another check for 600.00 additionally for damage. So our total claim amount was $1136.88. So we have a check for $36.88 and the next check for $600.00 will be in the mail Monday. YEAH... At least we have a good amount of money to hire someone to finally fix this gutter. Heck it might be until Spring before we can get a company out to do this, but at least this is out totally out of our pocket for this claim. Persistance and hounding pays off.

Bring on the New Year and .....

Joyful days for many.

Congrats to the Mae Midwest family on their new addition. Hard fought pregnancy brings .Next baby on board.

AND good luck to you all out there trying for baby #1 and 2 through treatments. I know how it is for baby #1 and if you ever need to chat, email me anytime.

Ebay is picking up. I need to sit down tonight and package up several of the items I sold on Buy It Now yesterday. I also have to fix a problem I had with a pillow we made that has a hole in it accidentally that I sold on there. I contacted the buyer and offered full money back or that we can make her another pillow, i hope she accepts the remake. So far in 2 weeks time I have managed to add about 150.00 to our adoption Fund. Thank you MOM!

Christmas was good to me. I got a 1gb flash drive. Nice, Now I can upload pictures so easily and bring them to work to share and move files around on the 3 pc's I have at home without fuss. Thanks DH.

I got an MP3 player. Now I need to learn how to fill it with songs. FUN. DH said he will show me tonight. Then I can get my butt walking at lunch at work so I can keep dropping the pounds away. Stalled at 6.8 lbs lost so far since late November. Still not too bad of a weight loss in the HOLIDAY season if you know what I mean. (COOKIES)

Going today to buy a new mattress for the bedroom. I sat down the other night and realized our double pillow top mattress is nearly 11 years old. OMG.. no wonder DH and I both wake up complaining of sore backs and especially my hips and shoulders. WOW.. can't wait to get it home. This means I will also go buy some much needed new sheets for the bed. When you buy a king sized mattress, regular king sized sheets are ok, but when you buy a double pillow top it does not fit the king fitted sheets so well.. they tend to pop off on the corners. So I need to buy those silly bedsheet straps.. You know, the kind that look like a old mans sock to shirt tail strap to hold his shirt tail down in the pants? Anyway.. I hear that we can get the mattress at a 1 year no payment plan thus we can pay it off in full with our small tax refund we hope to get this year. Ahhhh, thus No payments and no interest will accumulate if paid in full by that one year mark. I refuse to let it go over 1 year. NO MORE credit card purchases. NON.. NADA. And DH is on that kick too. Nice to have them paid off.

Ok, off to go shop for that lovely mattress.

I must return to work tomorrow after a long weekend. FUN I do AP/AR at work and they must all be done by Friday. New transitions at work are going well. Fingers crossed that it stays that way.

ok, I can't pry myself off the couch

procrastination is my middle name and let me tell you I hate it. I hate that I procrastinate like this. I have my shopping done, but now I have to wrap.

I have 5 nieces, 3 nephews bought for. My mom is taken care of and her boyfriend(thanks to my Sister). My MIL is dh's responsibility and he tried to get her gc today, but the gc network was down for several major companies today so DH has to go out tomorrow to buy her gc. Oh and I bought my bil's girlfriends name exchange item(nice perfume). I have all of those items sitting on my dining room table just calling my name. Calling me to come wrap them. I will do it, but not tonight. Too lazy. Bah.

Have I ever told you I was a professional gift wrapper? Yup, at a major department store. I did year round wrapping and two times during the year it gets beyond busy. Mothers day and Christmas. I loved wrapping things. No matter what size they were we had a system set up to be able to wrap efficiently and quickly. Have you ever made a professional bow? If not, hire me. I can make them.

Some of the paper the company used for wrapping patterns was hideous. Downright trashy looking... but we dressed it up with a nice looking bow and made the wrapping salvageable. They always had these little items to add to the bow as a highlight, but many people did not want them because they were even more hideous than some of the paper we had to use. At Christmas time those items were ornaments that could be hung on the tree that we tied into the bow...It is expensive to have items like this professionally wrapped, but let me tell you there are still people out there willing to pay. There were priced by size of the box and we had even charged 1.50 extra per item if it was from another store. Oh and we had to verify receipts of purchase in order to wrap those items so we were not wrapping a stolen item. LOL Yup we could refuse if they would not show proof of purchase.

Oh, DH mentioned we did not get any christmas gifts for the doggies and kitty. Well I guess I will be going to the store tomorrow again now. LOL

Oh.. and if you wonder... I did buy DH a few things, but he got himself a nice new tv a month or so back so that is his Christmas gift to him from me and him. Ha

be gone bug

I felt like crap 3/4 of this weekend. I had a tummy bug last weekend and I swear to you it carried over to this weekend. I think I got rid of it and it came back to me. I feel better today, but I have a headache that is dull and anoying. I had fever late Thursday, Friday and some Saturday, but it has gone back to normal. I just think I keep passing the bug between co-workers. Seems I had it first then my co-worker had it and I got it back mid-week. It was an upset tummy and the big D. yuck. I never actually threw up, but waves of nausea came and went. I hope it stays away. I missed seeing my friends for lunch both thursday and friday. I hate that. I hope I can meet up after the holiday with them. I hope I can stay ill-free this week too because my co-worker is off work and either her or I have to be there to run things. LOL

If I can't boot this crap I guess I will break down and call the doc tomorrow for some help. I don't know if anti-biotics will acutally help though. I heard that several co-workers took atibiotics and it did not help as they got it twice too. DH never seemed to get ill, why is that? lucky dog. I hope he stays well too.

I am so behind with Christmas shopping. I have a few things done, but I still have mil, nieces and nephews to buy for and then wrap. Yikes. I so hate leaving this until the last minute, but I know I will get it done now that I am feeling better. Just hope I stay better.

doesn't the post office sell stamps?

well apparently not today.. they were sold out of Christmas stamps at the local post office I live by.

You have got to be kidding me. A POST OFFICE SOLD OUT OF STAMPS?

Yes, shit like this only happens to me. LMAO

ebaying it

my mom and I are working hard to get things selling on ebay. It is hard to market these items so would you consider taking a peek? What do you think of them? Plus they are resonably priced. We also have some roll pillows she made and I sewed up.

baby bottle holders and more

saw that coming

DH put in a claim this past week on our Lovely gutter that 1/2 fell off in the ice/sleet storm the other night. Well, looks like our deductible bites us in the arse over this one. The adjuster came out today and said that the damage total was $536.88. So our claim amount is 36.88. Mind you we have a 500.00 deduct. Frick.

Yup. I swear to you there is more damage than that to the house. It pulled off the gutter and facia on the east side of the house and it has made the gutter bow out badly on the west side of the house. So that means we would have to replace both gutters the length of our house and facia on both sides in order to match. Or do they not care about it matching? WTF?

DH said he will call the adjuster this weekend and get an explanation as to why the estimate was so low. I want them to get 3 bids or I will get the bids to show them that there is more damage than 536.88.

Meantime, I got my hair cut today. YEAH. It feels so good. Now if I can only make it look as good as the stylist did. LOL

Off to go babysit. I was not feeling so hot last night, but after a few tylenol I am good to go to babysit tonight. I think I will have the kids draw me some holiday scenes to hang on my fridge. hehe

I will post later this weekend to let you know what the adjuster says to DH.

stalled

between the weight loss stall and my mental and emotional stall, I am so not in the Christmas spirit. Not one bit. DH forced me to put up and decorate the treeIno he really did not hurt me physically, but he decorated downstairs himself so I had no choice but to decorate upstairs incase guests show up unannounced.. HA), but I have refused to decorate the outside of the house yet and thanks to the ice storm and ripped up gutter I have managed to postpone that task too. HAHAHA. LOL I am just not ready for the Holiday. I have exchange names to buy for, 5 nieces and 3 nephews to buy for, DH's mom, my mom and her bf, work exchange to buy or make something for by this coming Wednesday and MAYBE something for DH. Well, maybe not for DH. See, he went out a few weeks back and got his flatscreen HD TV for the basement. THAT, my friends, WAS his early Christmas gift. I won't be buying much else for him. REALLY maybe another 20.00 in stuff, but he said that was ok.

I need to get my butt in gear and get things organized and bought. I managed to list several baby bottle holders my mom makes (wanna see the link to the items? ) and those sales end on Sunday. I have to file a NONpaying bidder complaint with Ebay on one item. Why must there be people out there like that? They say, "Oh I will send you a money order" but it never arrives. Go figure. Looks like a bad mark on them for a nonpayer. Not good on ebay.

One thing I will have fun doing tomorrow on my day off is getting my mop of a head of hair cut. Just in time for the Festivities to happen. I babysit tomorrow night and then I have a FUN party to go to Saturday night so my new do will help get me in the spirit of the season I think.

Day off work is a good thing. I had to burn up a few days since the adotion fell through and I was saving my days up for when we needed to travel, but currently I am planning on spending tomorrow off work and next Thur & Friday off and then the two days off after the 25th. I then get to carry over a 1/2 day of work into 2007. My work won't let me off the full week between Christmas and New year because of end of year bills that need to be paid. I understand and that is part of my job so I will use my future days for camping in 2007 instead. FUN.

DH already booked camping dates for APril 2007. hehe

3 weeks 6.2 lbs

I am the proud loser.

3 weeks of weight watchers and I have managed to lose 6.2 pounds. I am happy with that. I am looking forward to a good week ahead of sticking to eating my ww's meals and watching my points. I did not do that so well from Thanksgiving day until wednesday this past week.

It helps so much to buy foods for my ww's meals and divide them up in baggies. I have cauliflower and celery cut up in baggies and then I made ff dip again this week. I love those to eat with my usual ww's microwave meal. I eat yogurt for breakfast and then dinner is usually a light meal of some sort. Or even another ww's meal if I am too lazy to cook or DH is not home. LOL

I missed going to the meeting today because I volunteered (paid of course) to work overtime in our roadside call center taking calls due to the TERRIBLE weather conditions in the majority of the states our club services. I will go next week though. I think the meetings for WW's are a great help and boost to know I am not the only one out there struggling to not put that one bad piece of food in my mouth each day.

I wish I had a good movie to watch. Satellite is out because of ice on the dish and the dish being out of correct pointed location. I guess the wind and ice caused the dish to shift so our signal strength is out of wack. DH said they can't come until next Saturday to fix it either. Bummer. Bad thing is that the gutter is getting ready to fall the rest of the way and if it does that then we are totally out of signal because it will most likely pull down the dish cable that goes around the gutter. LOL

DH called the ins company about claiming our gutter loss, but missed the agents office calling back before the weekend started for them. He will try and get hooked up with them Monday and set up the claim. The west side of our house has the gutter and it is bowing pretty bad, I wonder if we will be able to claim them both now.hmmmmm

Cheers to a warm weekend for us all. I hope everyone that lost power gets it back soon. My MIL, Mom, sister and friend all lost their power and two of the 5 have gotten it back so far.

oh the weather outside is frightful

and my gutter fell off the house. Stop the sleet Stop the sleet stop the sleet.....(singing it to the song of Let it snow Let it snow Let it snow)

The sleet and freezing rain caused the gutter on the east side of our house to fall off 3/4 of the way. Yikes.

ENOUGH with the ice and sleet.

to our angel... I will always remember

one year ago today(1:45 am) we lost our ninth angel to heaven. I was 6w1d pregnant from our fifth fresh IVF cycle. DH and I went to dinner and while we were there I went to the bathroom and discovered I was bleeding terribly. We went straight home and within 4 hours I had suffered our miscarriage while at home. This angel went to heaven after only six weeks of life, sadly, but I was so blessed to have even gotten pregnant with him or her. We will never know you here on earth, but one day (hopefully when I am old old old) we will meet you again. I wish I had carried you to full term, I wish you were breathing life outside my womb. I wish......

Love and hugs to our 9th and final angel baby I physially carried.

gone baby gone

5.2 lbs that is...........


gone


never to come back

GONE after hard work to NOT pig out all week. LOL It is hard to stick to the diet when I have such a pizza craving. I did give in one night and had pizza, but I was still able to drop 5.2 lbs this first week on WW's. Ahhhh.

One lady in the group lost 11 lbs... WOW... congrats to her.

Diet root beer is pretty good. Have you had it b4? Better than Diet Coke. Yick. I love me some veggies and dip. I survive on FF cool whip and jello. I need to go shopping again for a weeks worth of yogurt.

So the days of waiting continue with the adoption front. I said my prayers this week that we can make it through yet another holiday season with empty arms. I know we will be mommy and daddy soon, just stinks that this past failed adoption match did not work out because we would have been parents before Christmas. Dangitalready. Chin up... marching forward. I know that keeping my emotions in check helps and venting here helps so thanks for listening. Today I was in the store buying some new couch covers and saw a little boy walking around with this dad, what a cutie. That keeps my hopes up that we will make it through the wait to become parents, no matter how long it takes. Our little blessing is out there to be placed in our arms, we just have to believe that. We have to remember that the road ahead of us might be bumpy, but eventually we will come to that valley of joy and love when we finally meet our baby and our baby's birthmother/family.

Ok, off to go put the new couch cover on. I hope it fits. Gotta kick the dog off the couch first.

home scale

I know, I know.. the weight watchers leader told me to NOT step on the weight scale at home, but I just could not listen to her advice. So today, after being VERY VERY GOOD yesterday on my new eating habits, I stepped on the scale at home and I was down 3.5 lbs according to my scale. WHAT? No way. Well, I know my scale is right on with WW's because I weighed myself on my scale at home with my clothes on b4 the initial weigh in yesterday. So lets see if this scale at home stays accurate. 3.5 lbs in one day you say? Yes, I have so much water weight on me right now it is not funny. Plus I am getting off this domperidone so it has really helped in the process to drop a lbs or two.

I know I am bragging, but I feel better today doing this than I did yesterday. When I went into the meeting I was hesitant to believe that I am ready to give up the high calorie foods and drinks I have been eating for the last several years. Really hesitant. I went to Shop-n-save today and bought lots of fruits and veggies to help me in my zero to 1-2 point snacks, lots of healthy options in meats I can cook up, steam, broil and roast. All much healthier than fried fast foods I was eating. I am set for the next week or so with food.

One challenge I am giving myself is to walk at least 1/2 mile a day at work on my lunch. We have a temporary walking track in the empty office space above my office and 20 laps around the small track is 1/2 mile. So I need to go buy some good walking shoes this week. Mine are old and suck.

6 days until Weigh in.

Oh, The Rams Suck. Ha.. Can't believe they lost todays game too.

adoption, stopping breastfeeding protocol, weight loss,

We experienced a failed adoption match first hand this past month, but we have moved forward with our chins up. Adoptoin will happen eventually for us, no doubts there! We will be mommy and daddy. It was a hard past 4 weeks or so until we confirmed that the potential birthmother(pbm) decided to not make an adoption plan with us for her baby-to-be. We will get there, just sucks that we have to have experienced this failed match. Glad the AIS support group and support group leader in town for adoption was there for us. Good timing for that meeting to happen. LOL. I wish the pbm the best with her decisions.

When I went on the domperidone for the breastfeeding protocol, I was excited. Now after several months of taking the domperidone and pumping my breast milk, I have decided to stop the protocol for now. I will stop the domp., but continue to pump for a while to see how my body produces milk without help of medications. I have over 220(will recount that this weekend) ounces of my breastmilk stored in the deep freeze. YEAH! That is good for at least 6 months from date frozen so I hope we can be blessed enough to have an adoption come through and baby in our arms in that time. If not, I will try the protocol again closer to when we might know if another match with a pbm and a due date. BUT For now I need to focus on me, me and DH and me and my job.

After having gone through nearly 8 years of infertility treatments, 7 losses and 9 angel babies, now a failed adoption match, it is damn well time to focus on me. Internally and externally. I am ready to do this. I am ready to lose some weight, no mark that out..........LOTS OF WEIGHT. I went last weekend to join weight watchers in hampton village, but the office was closed. I was stumped until a member showed up and said she had forgotten that the office was closed for the 9:30 and 11 am meetins on that particular Saturday because of a regional meeting all WW employees had to attend. So I was a good girl and went back today. 8 am meeting. I am glad I went at that time because the leader of the group meeting was the same lady I liked to go to meetings for back about 4 years ago when I lost 22 lbs on ww's. Well I am back there to lose those 22 lbs I gained back and to lose more on top of that number that I had never gotten to lose b4. Make sense? Ha. I rejoined because I needed a place to know that I am not the only one struggling with weight. I yo-yo often, but recently I have been going up and up and hit my highest weight ever by 1 lb. So that did it. I was frustrated a few weeks ago when I went to buy a dress for a wedding and did not find one. So that put me in the mood to finally get down to the dirty deed and drop these lbs. Gosh, I remember back in the late 70's when my girlfriend and I joked about her mom being a lifetime member of WW's back then, but let me tell you now I know about wanting to be a lifetime member myself, I am all for it and NOT laughing anymore. I know how important this is because I want to be fit and healthy for our baby. I want to be able to get on the floor and play on his or her level without struggling to lift myself back off the floor. I want to walk the steps at work without this extra weight hurting my knees like it does. I want to walk a mile and not sweat like a pig. I WANT and I WILL.

DO you do WW's? If so, post come tips for snacks. HEALTHY FUN EASY TO MAKE SNACKS

antiques roadshow.....my wish

I lurrvvee watching this show. I am always facinated in those that can go to a yard sale, estate sale and find a TREASURED item that cost them maybe 2 or 300 dollars and then take their item to the roadshow and get an experts estimate of the fair market and or insurance replacement value of the item. Such as a sword this man bought for about 200 at an estate sale only to find out that the sword was a ccnfederate soliders sword and its value was around 20,000.00. Or Japanese tin toys from the circus from the 30's for 1200 or 1500 dollar range. Amazing. I love hearing about these types of stories. Maybe one day I can find a treasure like these lucky folks.

freecycle mad woman here

watch out.. DH and I are cleaning out the basement so we can use it as it was intended for..... a family room. Bahahahaha

Yahoo freecycle groups are fabulous. I have gotten rid of these items today....

med sized dog cage, sedan bike rack, rubbermaid bucket of movies, dog chain, keyboard, pregnancy books(sadly I could not use them very long when I was pg back last year and the many times b4), 2 used coffee pots, tv stand, weight set. How about that!!!! I got rid of ALL the things I listed on freecycle today. YEAH! Gotta love that place.

So we are hosting Thanksgiving, thus the basement cleaning party. Bah.

I hate cleaning house. I hate it with a passion. I admit I am horrible at this. DH hates it, the anal military trained man he is(was). I have conformed him to be lack luster about cleaning too. No, not my fault for him. I only take responsibilty for my actions or lack of. Bah He has just taken grip of doing it too. Poor guy. BUT now that we know we are hosting Turkey day, well the game is on to clean clean clean.

Anyone got a Mr. Magic clean eraser?

Living through a failed adoption match

over the last 8 weeks we have been busy learning about a potential birthmother situation. Per our lawyer we were considered matched and were just working on being in contact with the lawyer in the other state, but sadly we have learned that the potential birthmother has most likely decided to not make an adoption plan with us. It was hard to hear this information, but after a few tears and days of heartaches we are moving forward. Thank goodness for the local adoption support group.

In a way this was somewhat comparable to when we have suffered miscarriage losses or a negative fertility treatment cycle after a picture perfect start to it all. I have learned to keep my emotions in check now. It was enjoyable to think about being one step closer to becoming a mom soon during those weeks, but now I have to focus on remembering that we will become parents and that this situation was just not "THE MATCH" we had hoped for.

Picking up my dragging tail and marching forward in hopes that our wait for our baby is not too far away.

I won't let this kill me.

:What has not killed me will only make me stronger:

fertility or lack of..... revisited

a few weeks back we got a notice from our fertility clinic that they were going to move our ONE frozen embryo to Colorado. Plus it would cost us 300.00 to store it there. We have until November 30th to make the decision of what we want to do with this embie. If we don't respond then they have the right to destroy our embie. ARRGGHHHH. We are not the only couple that got this same notice from what I hear.

So we booked an appointment with a different local IF doc that deals with surrogacy. The appointment is Monday. Wish us luck. We don't have a surrogate yet, but we hope and pray that this clinic will allow us to move our one embie to their storage and keep it there until we can find a surrogate to try a frozen embryo transfer.

I am scared to think about visiting a fertility clinic again, but this might mean a future for our one embie to become a fetus and our future held in arms baby. I so wish we had more embies.

I have more to post on this issue later.....talking about lack of storage at the clinic our embie is at for the time being, but I will chat later about this.

Off to the local adoption support group meeting.

tubeless in st. louis

t

oh the addiction

I curse the lady that gave me this site.

http://www.weffriddles.com

aaaaccchhhhuuuuu

loverly weather... really it is not that bad, except for the seasonal (which for me is all year long) allergies. What is blooming or is the mold count sky high today?

I was fine yesterday, but today, man watch out puffs box, you are my buddy today.

Yesterday was DH's bday.. 42! And he was the best man in a friends wedding and man did he look very good all dressed up! Happy Birthday!

So I am cleaning out the nursery of the items I have gotten either from family, yard sales, and or bought. I had a pathway to the rocker for when I pump and that was getting to become too little of a path. So up to storage go the toys my cousin so graciously handed down to us for our future baby. Packing up the items I have not sold on Ebay to my mom to keep. Moving the furniture around a little bit to make it more open floor spacious for a b-line floor path from the crib to the changing table to the rocker again.

Need to register for the Perspectives on Adoption conference hosted by SSM St. Mary's Health Center on November 4th 2006. 9-3:30 pm. This is put on by the lady / nurse that hosted and taught our adoptive parenting class. It will be nice to see her. Seems ages ago that we took that class (July - August).
If you want more details, let me know.

PCOS support group in town was suppose to meet the last Tuesday of this month, but due to Halloween she has cancelled that meeting. She=Dr. Jan. BUT I heard that she might combine her first Tuesday of the month IF Support meeting with a PCOS meeting. I am ok with doing that. I need some perspectives on how to get this weight back down. PCOS makes it very difficult for women to lose weight, yet put it on very easily. So that means I can use her help in creating an eating plan and exercise plan to get back to my goal weight. Heck, I have like 80 lbs to lose, but I know I need a while to do that. I know I can at least start and of course the nutritional food she suggests will also be good for breastfeeding and baby to come.

I freakin' hate cleaning house. Rest assured my actions so far today are helping make this house a better place already.

Yesterday I successfully pumped 6 oz. Ahhh, nice to see that kind of return. I pumped more that I usually do being the weekend, so maybe today being Sunday I can do the same or close to it. I am still happy with having produced about 5.5 oz on Friday though since I can't pump at work.

CHeers to a great day and

GO CARDINALS
GO CARDINALS

lack of words

you know sometimes in life you hit those areas of being speechless? well, that is the time of my life right now. I am one that tends to think and think and think, but never stop to write things down. I say "you better blog that", but then I never stop to do that and those thoughts are lost. My lack of worded posts come from the fact that I tend to make mental lists of things to do and NEVER seem to put them down on paper. Well, last week I talked to my therapist about this(yes, I still see a therapist after all our infertility issues turned adoption issues, best money ever spent!) and she really got on me about not making paper lists and or journaling. So I started my lists and promised myself I will print them Friday night and start working on the to-do lists to knock some of these things I have let go of. Do you tend to do this also? How do you cope?

I am at a new stage in my life and am ready to get myself back in shape. I am done with this body of mine. It disgusts me. I am sick and tired of it so it is time for a change. No, no diet... just a better alternative to eating. I am PCOS and believe me it is so hard to get the weight down. So my therapist runs a PCOS support group and I am going to get my butt in gear and join in next meeting. POST if you want details for this meeting. She gives wonderful info on proper eating and most importantly, exercising.

Exercising is something I don't like nor do at this point in my life, BUT I want to be a mommy one day that can walk up stairs with child in arms and not be winded once I reach the top of the steps. I want to be able to get up and down on the floor and play. I think the best kind of communication with a child / toddler is one of eye level communication. That means I will have to get down on their level and my gosh when you are overweight it is nearly impossible.

Speaking of impossible............ we will get a call one day soon. It is not impossible to adopt. RING PHONE RING.

To remember those lost babies

October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Thanks KD for mentioning this on your site! I know there are so many families that have suffered losses at many stages of either pregnancy or infantcy and it is so sad. I know first hand. Way too many losses in my book.

Blessings to those that have lost and thank you to those that remember.

more and more

4.5 oz each day and over 60 oz (maybe more if I go do a count) in the deep freeze

pumping and storing

quick reference guide for myself to link to:
kellymom
Storage guidelines
HUMAN MILK STORAGE - QUICK REFERENCE CARD
Temperature Storage Time
Freshly expressed milk
Warm room 79°F / 25°C 4-6 hours
Room temperature 66-72°F / 19-22°C 10 hours
Insulated cooler / icepacks 60°F / 15°C 24 hours
Refrigerated Milk (Store at back, away from door)
Refrigerator (fresh milk) 32-39°F / 0-4°C 8 days
Refrigerator (thawed milk) 32-39°F / 0-4°C 24 hours
Frozen Milk (Do not refreeze! Store at back, away from door/sides)
Freezer compartment
inside refrigerator (older-style) Varies 2 weeks
Self-contained freezer unit
of a refrigerator/freezer Varies 3-6 months
Separate deep freeze 0°F / 19°C 6-12 months

when all else fails

When all else fails to keep my sanity, I know it is then time to book an appointment with my therapist. Sure, she was my IF therapist, but she is a well rounded topic therapist too. She deals with all kinds of issues, not just infertility. Some days I think I have it all together, but lately I don't. I need to release my frustrations with the adoption wait, my lack of interest in losing weight, and my lack of cleaning the weighted full of junk household. OMG. My house is a mess. I admit it to anyone. I need to get my therapist to go over a structured schedule with me. Discuss the fact that I KNOW we will make it through the wait for a baby through adoption no matter how long it takes.

My head hurts when I walk into this house. I think I have an answer to my problems, but I just need to talk it out with someone and DH is NOT the person to help me as we usually turn our talks into fighting matches. Who can one up the other with arguments etc.... Know what I mean?

Oh shit.. I am not making sense am I?

I need a vacation and wouldn't it be nice to have one with a call that a baby is on the way? Camping soon so maybe we will get a match call soon. RING PHONE RING

Speaking of vacaction and babies......... I have 7 weeks of FMLA time remaining between now and May 22nd 2007. I used 5 weeks back in May of this year for my hysterectomy. If we are blessed to have a baby placed with us between now and May 22, 2007 then I only get 7 weeks remaining of the 12 weeks for FMLA. Now mind you this 7 weeks will be UNPAID as ADOPTION is not a medical reason to be paid for FMLA. So I am planning hard to save up the funds for at least 5 of those 7 weeks off without pay. I have 10 days of paid vacation right now and can carry them over until March 1 2007 if needed to use while on FMLA time off. BUT I get another 20 days of vacation time starting January 1st 2007. YEAH.. that means I can try and use up some of that vaction if we are placed with a baby between now and May 22nd. Less time without pay in those 7 weeks. Ok, is your head spinning from that mumbojumbo? LOL

I am off to go put together this shelf I painted and am decoupaging to match the nursery. FUN.

music to my ears

Someone sang the song I wanted to hear for so long in my ears this weekend. Someone told me yesterday (Saturday) that our baby could very well be in the process of being conceived or could very well be on the way to being delivered very very soon or could have been born right about now. Our baby will come to us by way of a birthmothers adoption plan.

WOW.... I hope they know something we don't yet know. Maybe, just maybe there really is a baby out there being conceived that will become our future child, maybe that baby is gestating and could be born soon, maybe our baby might be born already?! Yes, it is possible.

We hope and pray this is true. Today at my cousins wedding I listened to the vows they took and it made me realize that for as long as we have been married (just past 15 years ourselves in Sept) we have always wanted children. Never in my mind could I have imagined at that moment of our vows, on the alter at St. Margaret's Church, would I have thought that it would take us through a journey of nearly 8 years of trying to conceive a child to hold in our arms. And never would I have imagined that that journey would walk us through such heartaches and pain of miscarriage and failed cycles to bring us to a journey to meet and love and cherish our future child through the blessing of adoption. I can't wait to see how our emotions run after we are placed with a child. I can't wait to look back at this post and say, wow, these emotions were so raw, so curious, so stripped of knowledge, so kindergarten out of a possible 12th grade education level. Does that make sense?

A "Journey" is what this really is. A journey of our faith, love, dedication and perseverance. Learning the ability to break the barriers that we never imagined we would have to hurdle. Melt away the wax of a tall pillared candle that bares the inner most strength of the corded core. Rebuild our faith of the lost moments of each of our losses of heartbeats I carried in my womb.

Stepping back over the last 8 months or so, I now realize that becoming a parent is our goal and has always been from the moment we reached out our hands and said our vows to each other. The moment we sealed our marriage with a kiss. It took many years to let go of the dream pregnancy, feeling that kicking baby in my belly, hearing the heartbeat grow stronger and stronger. I will not experience that physically myself, but maybe with a child being conceived that will ultimately become us by an adoption plan one birthmother will make and come our way sooner than later.

Ok, it is 12:38 am and I need to go to bed.

I want to thank you all for hanging in there with us through our Journey.

don't you hate that?

In todays society you must have an ID and password for everything. Well, I done gone and done it. I lost my password to this blog. It took me a few days to figure it out, but I am back to work.

My new jewel.......... A Mazda Tribute. I got rid of my little ford focus and upgraded to a multi passenger car finally. Well, enough to have at least 1 baby in a car seat and 3 dogs. The vehicle is not a huge suv and it actually gets the same exact gas milage as my focus did. BUT the benefit is that it has room in the back to put the dogs and keep them back there with a cargo net. Ahhhh. Freedom of no dogs in my front seat finally.
I am excited about the new vehicle. We stayed in budget and when I called to change over the car insurance from the ford focus to the mazda tribute, my insurance costs went down 23 bucks every 6 months. WOW. Bigger vehicle, but lower insurance? Yup. I asked why and they said it was because the tribute is higher is safety ratings. huh? Dang, I was in danger in my little ford focus? Nice to have known that now after having driven it for 2.5 years. BUT it eases my mind knowing that when we do finally have a larger family by way of a baby then we will be much safer than that focus was. Now if I could only get seat belts for the dogs too.

Ok, off to find some dinner and shop on ebay for a few things like ink cartridges for my printer. Poor printer, I have run the color ink dry.

check this pack out

Western Kids Ladybug backpack $12.00 (+4.25 in s/h if needed)


email me if interested

I am here, and there, and there and small plug of the day

been a busy past few weeks. Well, if you call camping busy... that was last weekend. This weekend I babysat Friday night for a very nice couple and 2 kiddo's. Had a blast. They booked me for another night too! I sure hope they like me as I really liked them and the kids. Talk about some well behaved, mindful and sharing kiddo's. WOW. I will be chatting with mommy for some parenting skill help when we finally have our baby in arms.

No news from the adoption agency. Fingers crossed that something comes up soon.

Pumping is going well. Yesterday I managed to pump just over 3 oz total for the day. Up from the last few days. Gotta find a way to pump at work though. Might have to buy a good hand expression pump. I only get 1/2 hour for lunch so it is hard to squeeze a pumping session in and lunch too. Might be a kind of new eating routine at work then to dedicate my lunch to my pumping if I can figure out how to and where to pump. LOL

Ok, listing a few more things on ebay.

,my ebay items
I listed a really cute set of Halloween costume Angel Princess Fairy wings. More John Lennon items. The Barbie princess pillows and a few other things.
Come take a look and spread the word.

Going over to my moms tomorrow night to make more of the John Lennon Bottle Holders that are selling better now on ebay. Need to list a few more this coming week.

Thanks for all your support ladies.

BTW, if you are local in the area and would like a babysitter, email me through this blog and mention babysitting in the subject line. I am infant cpr certified, babysat since I was 13 years old and LOVE kids. Love to play games with them, love to draw and color with them, and I love to help at YOUR home! I can drive myself there and back so you don't have to. I know that can be hard to do when you have a teen babysitting and not able to drive themselves back home.

Ok, done with my plug for the day.

do you do Fall Cleaning instead of Spring Cleaning?

Yup.. the bug has bit. Fall Cleaning is in full swing. I love it. I want a clean house (yes, items still linger in my basement from May's yard sale). I want to dust (ahhh-chhoooo, dang allergies), I want to vacuum, I want to pull down the curtains and wash them. I have already done my weekly bed linens, but now I want to get the fall sheets out and put them on the bed. I opened the windows so dusting is a must in the next few nights. Time to replace the furnace filter and prep for FALL weather. Yes, I wish for fall weather. I want fall earthtoned leaves on the trees. I LOVE FALL. Bring it on.

Fall to me brings the idea of pumpkins, gourds, cornstalks and hay. Scarecrows, and the saying in my family "Happy Fall Y'all". Yes, I have southern MO hicks in my family and yes they do say that. Bah

Bring on the cool weather.

Bring on the grandma's sugar cookies scented candles.

Bring on the fresh baked pumpkin pie that my dh makes. Yum. (no, I don't cook!)

bring it on.

Camping is the best this time of year. Cool walking weather. perfect campfire nights.

ahhhhhh

Back to cleaning the house.

nearly 1

pumping and pumping and getting close to 1 ounce each day so far. I need to get up and get my pumping session in the middle of the night going too now. I am so not a middle of the night person, but hey if this means I am in prep for when our baby comes home, I am up to it.

be back later gotta unpack from a great camping weekend.

September 14

15 years ago today the weather was Sunny and the high temp reached 94 degrees officially. You ask, "Why is she talking about this?" Well it was my wedding day. My day started by waking up to the smell of bacon and
eggs cooking. My dad, "God Rest His Soul", was making breakfast for myself and the bridesmaids(5 of them and myself did a sleep over at my parents house. Our ceremony was at 11:30 am. It was about 90 degrees by that time and I was sweating my behind off. My parents lived about 8 houses up from the church so we walked down there to the "bridal prep" area and cooled off.
Thank goodness the church was air conditioned. The ceremony went off without a hitch for the most part. We had to rush out of church as another wedding started at 12:30 so only my handsome Groom and I got to take Alter
pictures. But we did get some great inside ceremony pictures that I love.

We got married at St. Margaret's Catholic Church in South St. Louis City. After the ceremony I had asked the bridal party to go to Tower Grove Park fountain to take pictures and NOBODY wanted to go. I was sad, but
agreed it was TOO HOT by then and I was ready to get out of my dress. So we walked up the street to my parents house again and proceeded to take pictures in
front of the house I grew up in. LOVE THOSE PICTURES by the way! We got pictures with MANY family members too. Much easier than hauling every relative over to the park and taking pictures. I am talking about 3rd and
4th cousins and such. Yes, I have a huge extended family that attended that day. I counted the hours I was in my dress that day. 4 total. Yes, I changed to shorts and a t-shirt after a while due to the heat. So dh the whole wedding party except for my maid of honor.

Then the reception, Oh let me tell you the reception was a BLAST. It was in the house and backyard of my childhood home/my parents home. Historic Shaw Neighborhood by Hwy 44 and Grand! If you have ever seen those houses you know they are HUGE and beautiful. We ordered 4 half barrels of bud light from Tom Boy's Market. Now mind you the reception really did not start until 4 pm so between 12:30 and 4 pm we KILLED 2 half barrels of beer and had to call and reserve another 2 half barrels for the reception. AND of course we ate 15 Imo's Pizzas for our afternoon snack.Yes. 15 pizzas. So by time 4 pm rolled around we opened the next keg of
beer and partied the night over and over. 2 regrets. We should have hired a DJ, but No, we were afraid the bitty old neighbors across the alley (not friends) would have a fit and call the police dept. So we opted to do our own TAPE music. Folks, we did not have a CD burner back then so we had to do cassette tapes for music. Bahahahaha. We had a great time though. Friends would go to their cars and get cd's they had and would play a few songs too. Then my brother-in-law broke out the beerbongs. OMG. I can only say that I had to drive to the hotel that night because my NEW HUSBAND was drunk off his arse.

We spent the next week on our "In State" honeymoon at the Lodge of the Four
Seasons and 3 days Camping at Meramec State Park. I loved it. It turned from 94 degrees the day of the wedding to lows in the 30s in the Ozarks. Talk about COLD. We had to buy clothes to wear for a few days. hehe

double pumpin' it up....

yes, I am double pumpin' it up! Pumping MILK that is. Sweet milk for our future baby. No, no match with a baby yet, but I am trying the adoptive breastfeeding protocol and BAM.. it is working. Day 5, I think, of pumping and I am working up to a great number of drops now in each side EACH time I pump. at least 4 pumping sessions a day.

See, I am doing the induced lactation long protocol well, 3 month protocol as I had to stop the bcp's due to swelling. BUT it is working. I am one that likes to at least try something and let me tell you I am pleasantly surprised how quickly I have produced drops and now am working up to sqirts. If you are a pumping/breastfeeding momma (or momma to be like me) then you know what I mean by sqirts of milk.

I now need to consider renting a hospital grade pump to help with the expression. Have any of you done that? Rented a pump to use? If so, how did it work for you? More production?

I know it might be months until we are matched and even have a baby, but I strongly believe in trying to keep pumping and then hopefully have our baby latch on and gain their nutrition from me. Thankfully my husband is 100% supportive of this. He cracks up at me in the nursery pumping each night b4 he heads to bed, but he was very surprised at the amount I have been able to freeze with each passing day. Me too! hehe

My ebay sales have slowed, but that is ok. I am still selling the baby bottle holders. I hope that becomes a very consistant thing.

Cheers to the FALL weather. Cheers to being able to camp finally after all the hot weather. Cheers to one less day we have to wait until we are matched with a potential birthmother/family and will be able to meet our future child. CHIN UP and always trying to remember to look forward.

purging purses

kenneth cole camel color purse

kenneth cole mauve purse

What do you think? purging more later

it makes me scared

a cyber friend that is going through adoption had a failed match this week. This, my friends, REALLY openend my eyes up to how topsy turvy the adoption process can really be. This is frightening to the core. Your hopes and dreams are shattered in one fell swoop. You get excited, you go into a frenzy to buy things, you pack your bags, put work on hold and go. Go face the POSSIBLE and sometimes what feels like the impossible dream. Then to have the rug pulled right out from under you, yet you have to catch yourself and remain upright in respect of the birthmothers decision to parent or even select a different set of parents for the baby. Also you have to remain upright in the fact that you must keep your focus forward as you have to put your profile out there ASAP again. See, many couples and or agencies pull your profile from public view once you are matched with a protential birth mother (pbm). Thus taking you off the market for PBM to look at your profile while you are matched.

So one from a failed match must dust off the dirty feet after your rug is pulled out from underneath you, pat yourself on the back for having done the best to not go INSANE in public(because you know you have cried buckets of tears in private), Grab your partners hand and get back out in the world of potential adoptive parents profile pools. Sure, that sounds easy, but the heartaches you just suffered through has got to be eating you alive. It is a grin and bare it situation. Grit your teeth at the failed match and then dust off your pants and move forward. I have heard of some couples that have taken months to grieve and rightfully so. I feel so bad for them and this my friends is what makes me scared. I fear grieving again.

Grieving. It is an internal gut wrenching process to go through when you have suffered losses of any kind. I have suffered through nearly 8 years of infertility that brought us to a different level of grief I would never EVER wish upon anyone. 9 angels in heaven my friends. No one woman should suffer thought ONE loss let alone 7 losses of 9 angels(2 ecoptics, 1 baby boy 8 weeks gestation, twins (1 baby girl) lost at 8w3d, twins lost at 10w, 1 chemical pgcy and 1 mc at 6w1d gestation). I grieve these losses in my own way and I so want adoption much more of a positive experience through adoption. I fear the unexpected, I hope and pray that we will be blessed with NO FAILED matches. But deep down in my heart I have to prepare myself for just the possibility.

Prayers to my cyber friend that had her failed match. I hope your hands are filled with the love and joy of a baby very soon.

one week from tomorrow

MOTC sale at Lindbergh (sp?) high school. 1-3 pm 1.00 addmission. YEAH.

email updates from the agency

we get a monthly update from our agency and this month it includes the hard work our agency owner/sw has been doing . She sent out over 500 letters of contact to many differnt places. I sure hope that we can get a possible situation or two or ... come along out of all her hard work. I know she is pulling for us all. I am not sure how many couples are with her now, I will have to email her and ask... but I do have hope that maybe something might come along in the next couple of months. I sure hope DH's saying that this will be a great Christmas hunch is right!! Please keep your fingers crossed that our agency gets MANY contacts from potential birthmother situations.

Keeping my Chin up.
working hard on selling things to raise the funds
having fun, that is the relaxing part.

having more fun listing things...

Really.. this is not too bad listing these items.

LITTLE TIKES TYKES LAUNDRY CLOTHES IRON IRONING BOARD

Gerry Baby Ultra-Light Backpack Infant carrier

Little Tikes RIDE ON Push Walker Toy Car Blue Red Yellow

can you see those items on craigslist?

I have made 20.00 from my extra pampered chef Items I listed last week. Hey.. It was stuff I had around here and or donated to us for our yard sale that did not sell back in May so I listed some stuff on craigslist and we will now see if these other items sell.

FUN. I like updating that Fundraising thermometer.

sold one thing and posting more....

Did I tell you? I sold this..........


Ahhhhh, Add 35.00 to the growing GOAL of funds.


Now I have these items. for sale. Post or email me if you are interested. LADIES.. Think Christmas gifts or Birthday Gifts. SO REASONABLE.

Or

Or

For Sale is one Barbie Princess Annalesse and Erika pillow with sweet lace ruffle on edge OR One Barbie Princess Erika(dark hair) and the Pauper (Ken) OR one Barbie Annalesse & the Pauper (Ken). This pillow is 14"x14" with 3.5" of lace around it. The perfect gift for birthdays and even Do some early Christmas shopping. 14.00 each with 3.00 shipping . I accept money order, cash and carry or Paypal for shipping.

Oh yeah... Check out these items in my Yahoo Pictures folders. If you can't view them, let me know. I don't have prices on them, but Post or email me and we can discuss.

so did you read August 3rd's post? guess what

I won something on the radio again today.

Dave Glover's show is giving away Movie tickets and gift card to dinner at Kriegers. I was the right caller. Actually, I was trying to win Cardinals tickets and they had already given them away and I was lucky enough to hang in there for the movie tickets and gc to kriegers. Sweet. Dinner and the movies. I love it

Do you every win?

I always try. Now I just have to remember to not try and win anything for 30 days on 97.1 fm. LOL

listings again ... trying again

some things sell well, some don't.

ebay:
ebay listings
craigslist listings:
lego primo blocks
pampered chef food chopper
pampered chef apple peeler corer slicerand yes I did spell corer wrong, but craigslist won't let me fix it. LOL My bad for not doing spell check in word first

and one last item so far
pampered chef accent decorator

do people know what they are selling?

I got 7.50 worth of scrapbooking supplies today at a yard sale. BRAND NEW. Average price would have been about 3.00 per pack and at 10 packs and a few page inserts, I racked up. I wish she had had more stuff. She said she thought about bringing it out, but had not. dang.

Got lots of baby clothes today. I broke down and started buying boy and girl clothes. Yes, I feel as though I am jinxing myself on us getting a match sooner than later, but I can't pass them up when they are brand new tagged still and .50 to 1.00 an outfit. NO WAY will I pass that up. I love a bargain.

I was joking with DH earlier this week about getting a part time job at Once Upon a Child as the S. County store is hiring.......... bah...... I would end up spending my paycheck there if that were the case then. ha

Fun day.

scrapbooking bug has bit

frick. Thanks Jennifer. OMG.. I am so not wanting to do this due to trying to save for the adoption process, but man, I want to make a life adoption book now. I know DH would love it if I did an Air Force scrapbook for him too for Christmas. Hmmmm.

Luckily my friend (named above) can't go either. LOL Archivers is calling my name. I will find out what they have for the next make and take then go from there. I need supplies. I need a budget for this. I need to print some pictures because I am a bad person that takes lots of digital pictures and NEVER prints them. I need a hole in my head. Oh the fever has bit. I swear to you a year ago I swore off scrapbooking, but they can be so cute. Simple, elaborate, intriguing, complex, FUN.

Do any of you use Michael's to buy your supplies? or do you stick with CM or what is your outlet for supplies?

keep feeding me the encouragement

thinking of buying a domain name for my mom to start up a business for her sewing.

I found who I will buy the domain from, but who do you recommend to hire for designing of the web site? creative fun sewing site, emboridery site... you name it, she can make it.

suggestions of a service designer I can use online to make up the contents of the site that I can edit pictures and prices on?

getting serious about this. I so can't wait to take a web design class / html now.


suggestions welcomed. post me a comment

can't wait to share the love

a house of love. I want to share it. I want to give another soul the love we have in our house. Sure, after nearly 15 years of marriage we have given each other so much love that you would think it is hard to find more to give, but there is still more to build and share and cherish. We have learned and accomplished love much love for our animals. We have learned and accomplished so much love for our family members including our nieces and newphews. Now I can't wait to share another new branch of love for our child that will one day be placed in our arms forever.

The wait is hard to an extent, but each day I feel it is a great test of our love to build and grow more for that day that we get the call that we have been selected by a potential birthmothers adoption plan for her baby. I just know it will happen. WHEN is the big question, but meantime we keep our focus on the clean house, behaved dogs and kitty, safe backyard, etc.

My niece gives me a hug each time I see her(13 yrs old, my fav age) and tells me she can't wait for us to adopt and become mommy and daddy and her to become a BIG cousin to our baby. How freakin' cool is that? I remember being her age and thinking that everytime I babysat the little neighbor girl I would be such a great mommy. And now I say that and plus I say I KNOW DH will be a great daddy. My niece told me she would love to babysit for us too. Can't wait to see her holding her new cousin.


All in due time.

Those that have been through a long wait for something so exciting, isn't the reward well worth it. Remind me that the wait is FOR A SPECIAL REASON.

just a link for drug exposures for a fetus/infant

this is a site that discusses fetal exposures to drugs. Anyone adopting should check this link out. It has more exposures on the right column to pick from to read and educate yourself on. DH and I had heavy discussions on what we would and would not accept in an infants exposure to drugs and this site explains what does and does not pass through the placenta, etc...
in uteral fetal drug exposure risks

Do you ever win things?

come rub me for luck because I do win once in a while....... not the most expensive things, but fun things.

Last week on WIL (yes, I won that $$ in Jan. from Cornbread) I won 4 adult 5 day passes to the Washington Town and Country Fair in Washington MO for this weekend from the daytime DJ. I love winning. I have been trying hard to win Cornbreads King Kong Kash, but have not had any luck so I decided to answer the Lost Lyric at lunch and I won! (thanks to google and lyric searches of course.. Bahahaha, hey a girls can cheat if she wants)... I found the lyrics and was the 7th caller and won these tickets. So tomorrow night DH and I are heading out there after work. It should be fun. My friend and her DH live out there and she said we will have a blast. I sure hope so. Long drive, but fun to be had. AND a free concert. HEART is playing main stage tomorrow night at 9 pm. Yes, Heart. That is one of the bands that I loved listening to growing up and I can't wait to see them in concert. Sure, they are "old" school band type of music, but you can't take that out of the girl in me.

So, what have you won lately?

just another 40/64 driver

After reading the local paper about hwy 40 / 64 construction projects stepping up in the next few months and then most likely sometime in 2007 for the MAJOR work to begin between kingshighway out west to hwy 270, I am freaking out. I work around 40 and 270 and let me tell you that hwy 44 to 270 is NOT an option I like. I watch the traffic reports and hwy 270 is a slaughterhouse of vehicles that travel to N.County mostly for their jobs, so throw the traffic from hwy 40/64 on top of that and it will be a bottleneck of proportions ever consumed by St. Louis commuters. I so wish we had metrolink that came out this way to work. I know our Shrewsburry(sp) metrolink station is opening in the later Fall of 2006, but it won't come this far West to bring an idea of light rail commuting to my budget. I know car pooling will be an option, but heck, that means adding another 45mins on average to my wake up time and commute, and what if we have a baby by then, another few minutes to prep the baby and get him/her out the door with myself and my lunch pale. Gosh. I dread road construction. Just last night I went to the Cheesecake Factory with some friends out in Chesterfield Mall, driving back East on hwy 40/64 they had the lanes down to 1. It took me 20 minutes to travel from Timberlake Manor to Hwy 270 when on a normal day it is maybe a 6 minute drive. I get so depressed thinking about how the hell I am going to get to work when they do start construction on hwy 40/64. I get on at McCauseland head west and it usually takes me a total of 35 - 40 minutes to get to work. Well, that time will triple, if not quadruple even with taking secondary roads like Manchester and or 44-Big Bend-270 or just 44-270 routes. Lord help me. Construction is months away and I am really having a hissy over this. Frick. And then to think about what the cost of gas per gallon will be by then if the rates keep going up like they are? I think I will try inventing a hover craft of some sort to get to and from work......


ok take a deep breath......... Just had to vent.