About Us

Monday, December 31, 2007

Thank you 2007!

man oh man, a nice wind storm is blowing out the old 2007 And blowing in the new 2008 season. hehe.. I know, cheezy, but fun to say when the wind storm is really whipping it up out there.

Happy New Year.

Let 2008 be the year of your dreams come true. 2007 was for us!

sure, there were bad happenings in 2007 on several fronts (even up to the last minute), but I won't let that get me down anymore. 2008 is full steam ahead without any resolutions, except to enjoy what we do have.

Love of a little girl in our lives!

Saturday, December 29, 2007

my beautiful bumbo baby


she got this for Christmas from us. Of course we had to open it for her (out of the box and not wrapped, hehe)...



She loved it and still does.


Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Happy 3 months my baby girl

Don't fuss at me, but I don't have any pictures uploaded to post yet. BUT, I have to wish my baby girl a Happy 3 month Birthday.

She is growing fast, but is dealing with having a head cold. Yuck. I feel for her. She is not running a fever, but is a crank-butt. I just want to hold her 24/7. I asked my mother-in-law to watch her here at home tomorrow instead of sending her to the sitters house. I want her to have a nice calm day and plus she will have one more day to help recover before heading back to the sitters. The doc's office said we don't give her anything, just let it runs it's course. We had to lift her mattress up on one end and added a humidifier to her room. She is sitting on daddy's lap watching the doggies play on the floor. She will recover. As will Dh and I from our head cold/sinus issues too. We all feel kinda yucky. MIL seems to be ok though.

Ok, Christmas was a blast. Julia cleaned up on the toys and cash. OMG. Her piggy bank is rich!

Lets put it this way, She got so many toys that I had to go out and buy some batteries. Fun.

Ok, I got several great gifts too. DH got me a new palm pilot. Sweet. But what I most wanted and got was an iPod nano (4 g). I am charging it now and am working on finding the install instructions for the music and photos.

DH got a Wii game and several blueray dvd's, a cardinals calendar and a Wii rechargable battery pack. He also got some cash too. Nice.

Ok, off to help give cranky-butt a bath and feed her.


see you all later.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Prayers to all the IF cyclers and perspective Adoptive parents

This is the hardest season for many who are trying to have a baby through fertility treatments and those that are on the waiting list or searching for a potential birth family to be matched with.

When I was doing treatment cycles with the RE (reproductive endocrinologist), I always dreaded the holiday season. I just could not get into it. I do 3/4 of the shopping needed for nieces and nephews so it was something I did dredge through each year. Don't get me wrong, I am appreciative of my friends and family and the gifts they gave, but there was always something missing.

I feel for you, all of you, that are still out there trying to grow your family in one way or another. I know you want to just curl up in bed to a really bad movie (non-IF/adoption of course), but we know many of you have to put on that smile and go do the wifely thing and try to celebrate.

Several years I celebrated with a drink or two in my hands to help dull the pain of being childless at that point in time in my life. Please don't feel alone, like you are the only one out there in this pain. We IF'ers and perspective adoptive parents know that there is a quiet community of fellow sisters out there that really do understand your pain. (I will always be infertile without a uterus now. I also have one embryo in the cryo-lab waiting for a gestational surrogate. )

I worried that the pain would never go away. It took many years of heartaches, miscarriages and pain to get to a point of having a sense of joy. Please don't give up hope. I know, some may say "whatever, she has a baby now so why would she say this", but I have been there and let me tell you sometimes you won't see the light at the end of the tunnel during the Holiday Season. The waiting sucks and the worries can drive one insane. Please lean on me and your fellow sisterhood that does understand where you are. I admit that what I was trying to conceive and while waiting to adopt sometimes I needed to hear those stories of success to know it really can happen for us. We would reach our ultimate goal of becoming parents.

I say my prayers for all of you each day. I say a prayer for those trying to add to their families too. Maybe DH and I will be there again one day soon when we try to have a second child.

May you have some warmth in your hearts knowing we are here for you.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

oh where has the time gone?

by day of the month, Julia is 12 weeks old. 3 months. Her Birth-day is the 27th of the month, but 12 weeks has already passed on days of the months. Amazing. I would predict that she is weighing in around 12 or 13 lbs now. I'll have to do the home scale measurement since she does not go back to the doc until Jan 28 or so.

Her recent milestones are as follows.

She is ticklish. If I tickle her under her arms on her sides, she wiggles back and forth if I go side to side. Well, tonight I did that and she started to giggle really hard. DH and I and my MIL (who lives with us now) all laughed out loud. It was so cute. I wish I had the video camera on her when she did that.

Julia is also starting to grab at things and grasp a hold of them. Like the toys on her Jumperoo. She sat there 2 nights ago and reached her hand out and put her fingers out and then wrapped them around the bead on the slide bar. I asked my MIL to watch her do that and she could not believe Julia is doing this already.

Julia has officially grown out of her newborn clothes about 2 weeks ago and is now starting to fit very snug in her 0-3 month button up sleepers. Almost too snug that we might have to go with 3 or 3-6 month sleepers. She is not fat, just very very long. Heck, when she went in the day after Thanksgiving, she was already 23 inches long. I swear DH and I will be looking up at her to point our finger at her in a moment of discipline. She will be taller than both of us one day, I predict that.

Last night we went to South County Mall to see Santa. The line was long at 6:35 pm, but we got joined in to wait. DH had to buy 2 gifts from stores there so while he shopped, Julia and I waited as the line inched closer to Santa. Well, 1 hour and 20 minutes later, we finally got up to see him. Julia was content and wide eyed. She did so well thanks to being so young in age. Santa even remarked that she did so well for 3 months old. We had to do the pose over after they printed because the lady helper had her hand in the frame. LOL Next year, Julia will wear a dark dress, why? because she blended in with Santa's outfit too well. It was hard to see her dress.

We need to do another night of shopping Maybe tomorrow night or Sunday. Then I will spend most of the day on Monday (holiday for me) wrapping. I always wait until the last minute to wrap. Yes, I procrastinate, but I am a very good wrapper of presents so I don't mind. Quick and good. I even like to hand make my bows.



Ok, I hope you all have a wonderful intro into the Christmas Holiday Season. To those that shop last minute like me, I feel your regrets for not shopping earlier.

oh, I forgot to mention, our social worker called me today to do our 3 month post placement phone interview. It was great to talk to her. I actually miss the close contact we had from when we signed with the agency in the Spring this year up to just post placement after Julia's birth. I felt as though we talked with our social worker almost daily by email then and if not then by phone. Now, we are lucky if we chat by email or phone maybe once every 3 weeks or so. I need to mail her one of our picture Christmas cards. LOL procrastination again.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

12 years later, I still miss you, dad.........

December 15, 1995. The day my dad died from the evil grips of cancer. He was a young 49 years old. He worked hard all his life and raised a wonderful family (me, my brother and sister) and sadly lost his battle after 3 months of chemo and radiation. He was diagnosed stage 4 cancer in September 1995 with lung, liver and bone cancer. He did the chemo and radiation for comfort purposes. We cherished each moment we had with him, especially after his diagnosis.

My dad loved to go fishing out at Bush wildlife ponds. He loved to go camping down in Lesterville MO at Riversedge campgrounds and Twin Rivers campgrounds. He loved to get his lawn chair and cooler and go sit in the river to watch the drunks float by to the smiley face. Riversedge was the stop sign b4 the smiley face on the Black River floating. We used to go canoeing many many times on that same river when I was a youngster. I loved going fishing with him too.

The night he died in our home we grew up in, neighbors, friends and family came over to our house and we built a bonfire in our backyard. Yes, in the City of St. Louis in Shaw neighborhood. He did not want us to grieve his death, but to party and have fun like he would have wanted us to at a regular party. Celebrate his life he had and remember the good times we had. We did that. In fact, the local police department officers we knew joined in with us at the bonfire.

A plaque My dad had hanging in the kitchen in our house over on Flad Ave read:

I'd rather be fishing.

I can see him now, perched back in his lawn chair, cooler of beer at his side, rod and reel in the river fishing for catfish while still watching the drunk floaters going down the river. I will always see him like this. Happy and enjoying his time of relaxation.

I love you dad and I still miss you so much. Julia will get to know you by pictures and your fun camping stories I will tell her. She will be proud of her paw-paw.


I'll try and scan a picture of him later and post it.

I FUCKING HATE CANCER

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Congratulations, you are the 97th texter, YOU WIN

hehehe... My motto in life is if you don't play, you don't have a chance to win. So, every day on my drive home from work I listen to 97.1 Talk FM - The Dave Glover show. This month they are playing a text message contest to win a stocking stuffer gift or two and then if you win you will be registered to possibly win an all inclusive trip to Riu Caribe. So I heard the promo to text the word Presents into 53695. I did.... while waiting for the reply of the first text message I sent another text - same thing... Got the reply from the first text that I was texter # 15, try again. Seconds later I got another reply text saying "Congratulations, you are the 97th Texter. Call xxx-xxx-xxxx in the next 10 minutes to claim your prize" WOOOOHOOOOOO I FRICKIN' WON.


I FRICKIN' WON the stocking stuffer of 25.00 gift certificate to a new diner in town and then a 25.00 gift certificate to Hair Salon for Men. hehe too funny that I won a gift certificate for the Hair Salon for men when my husband is nearly bald and uses the buzz clippers at home to do his own hair. hehe... BUT I FRICKIN' WON.

So now I will be listening intently on December 19th at 7:05 AM to see if I won the Trip to Cancun. WOOOOHOOOOOO. I so hope I do. Jamie Allman and Crane need to make my day that morning. Oh I so dream of a vacation like that.

See, Since DH and I have spent the last 8 years trying to have a baby, we put vacation on hold for 7 of those 8 years. We SO NEED a trip out of here by ourselves. I Love my daughter, but we so need a vacation as a couple again.

Send me some winning vibes for that big trip.

hehe.. again, if you don't play, you don't have a chance to win. hehe

her head is breaking out

no, not a rash or cradle cap, but 2 times this past week we have gone in to get Julia from her crib for the morning and her head is at the end of the crib bars like she is trying to break out of jail. She is scooting herself from the middle of the crib all the way to the left (side/end) of the crib. Her head was pressed firmly up against the wood rail and she just looked up at us with a smile when we went to pick her up.

Little stinker. I had to raise the crib rail for the first time in fear she might be too close to the side (sliding) rail now when I go in there to get her. So she is fully protected with all rails in the up position.

she loves her jumperoo. Loves the lights and sounds and jumps a little with her feet touching the ground now.

grow girl grow.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

new milestone for Ms. Julia

Today we noticed she is starting to lift her legs off the play mat while on her back. it is funny. Leg lifts. I must get the video camera out and shoot a few clips. She is really starting to giggle too.

Friday, December 07, 2007

I'm a sucka for books

Julia is now the proud owner of the beginning series of Disney kids books and Dr. Seuss books. I joined the scholastic book club. OMG.. It is expensive, but I want her to have the new books I never got to have as a kid. I always had hand-me-downs and hated the tattered edges. I must say that I had a great time opening these two boxes of books. I can't wait to start reading them to her. She loves to hear my voice and really loves to hear my up and down tones so reading books to her will be a hoot. She smiles so big and almost giggles with joy.

I need to move the book case from downstairs tomorrow up to her room to accommodate all her books I have accumulated. I have gotten so many gift books for her and next weekend we are going to a Christmas gathering with friends and we decided to do a book exchange. I can't wait to see what she gets. I have a book ready to go for the exchange. It is one she already has and I love reading it to her so I bought an extra one to give as a gift.

What is your favorite book to read to your baby/toddler?

Sunday, December 02, 2007

our house grows by leaps and bounds

First off....Boohooo for Mizzou. Oh well, but we did have a great season. Now maybe we can make a bowl game of some sorts.

Yesterday DH and his siblings and myself helped move my mother in law in with us for a while. She is residing in the downstairs extra room. Her doggy, Bailey, is staying with us also. So we are a household of 3 adults, a 2 month old baby girl (who is getting so big) and 4 dogs. OMG... we are not totally cramped up, but it will be an adjustment with the dogs for sure. Our 3 doggies were and are set in their ways. So introducing another doggy is a challenge, but as The Dog Whisperer has taught us from his show, we are the Pack Leaders and the dogs will listen to US and not themselves. Ha. Yeah right. No, so far it has been pretty good, just a few nips at each other and growls we put a stop to right away. I hope it stays that calm.

As I type this out, Julia is laying in her bouncy seat just flinging her arms all around hitting her rattle on the gym links and giraffe and elephant. She loves her little toys. She loves the noises they make. Oh wait, she is protesting as she can't get a grip on one of them right now. She sometimes gets a firm grip on the links hanging down and really gives the bouncy seat a good shake. She really doesn't need the vibration button on since she rattles the seat pretty well herself.

We heard from Julia's birthmother this past week and we all plan on meeting up in person sometime this week. I am nervous to see how she will react to how big Julia has gotten. It will be a challenge to stay dry eyed at this visit. We are so blessed to have her in our lives and for Julia to have her in her life. We hope to see Julia's two siblings also. They will be amazed at how big she has gotten since they saw her at birth. I did send a 2 month update letter and pictures to the agency to forward to Julia's birthmother because we did not know when we would see her next. I'll give the agency a call tomorrow to ask them to go ahead and mail them out to Julia's birthmother so she can get the pictures added to her photo album.

Speaking of that first letter, I was nervous as to what to talk about at first, but I just opened up with stating that Julia is now 2 months old and here are some of the many pictures we have of her. I talked about her first few weeks and visitors she had and how she slept through the night a few times since birth. I gave her 2 different check up stats and also gave her some of the photos from Julia's first professional pictures we had taken at 5.5 weeks old. I am glad to share this with her. She has blessed DH and I with so much so we want to share that with her in these letters and pictures. Of course we decided to send the letters to the agency just in case H was not ready to receive them yet, but I am sure she is ok with it now.

Ok, getting told to get off my duff and put the ornaments on the small tree we got for the living room.

I'll give another update on the book I am reading. Good discussions to be had on it. Again that is the book : The Secret thoughts of an adoptive mother.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Go Mizzou, Here is your biggest (little) cheerleader

Julia made the sports picture page on KMOV.com today.. check her out.

KMOV.COM



GO MIZZOU

Yes, I fully intend to have her become a student of Mizzou one day.

University of Missouri

GO TIGERS.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Sobbing while reading a book? Yes, call me a soft heart

I have been reading this book "Secret thoughts of an adoptive mother" and let me tell you that I had to stop reading it at lunch today. My eyes welled up with tears so much so that I could not read and I am the lucky one that my face turns red when I cry. So I had to stop reading and focus on something else until lunch was over. Mind you, I eat at my desk and have visitors all the time (open room desk). I did not want them to see me all red faced and crying over a book! Ha

What made me cry was reading about the Author's (Jana Wolff) account of traveling ahead of the due date of her hopefully future child to be in the town of the birthmother for the delivery. Plus the minute by minute trail of anticipation, hope, worries and fears while the birthmother was being induced and then in the moments of delivery.

She called it "Excitement or Doom". The adoptive couple was invited into the delivery room (as I was for Julia's birth) and she accounted the moments of how she felt and how she thought the birthmother was feeling (emotionally and physically) and then it went into the moments of describing the setting of the delivery room up to the moments before when her-to-be "Son" was born. She was not attached to him yet and feared she might not ever, plus she was ordered out of the room by the doctor right before delivery because the baby needed to be delivered by forceps. She left the room and feared that SHE herself might have a last moment freak decision to decide to make a run for it as this was a life altering event happening and wondered if she really wanted her lifestyle to change so rapidly with the delivery and placement of this baby she did not know. Or would the birthmother want to keep the baby because of all she went through to delivery him.

Well, in the end of that chapter, she was invited back into the room and was handed the baby. She felt as though she did not love him yet, but she also knew she could not walk away from this beautiful baby either. He was becoming part of her life.

I can tell you without a doubt that I had many of the same fears when Julia was being born. I saw her head pop out and I instantly started crying. I was not holding her birthmother hand because the nurse was on one side and her mother was on the other, but I stood back and took pictures (ok with the birhtmother to do so) and saw a miracle being born. I was so scared yet so overwhelmed with shock of seeing something I could not do, give birth to a miracle baby. Julia's birthmother was crying, I was crying and DH was outside in the hallway crying. I never knew so many emotions could rush over me at once. Sadness for Julia's birhtmother and birthgrandmother, Joy of knowing we just might have this miracle placed in our arms soon. Oh gosh, I am starting to well up with tears just thinking about that special moment. I can't ever imagine what Julia's birthmother was going through, but I did ask her later and she tried to describe it as best she could. I will always cherish knowing how she felt and her sharing that with me. I gave her a hug before they had the baby ready to hand to her. I told her Thank You and God Bless you. She just gave birth to a miracle and no matter who raised her she would always be special in my heart for having involved us in something we could never physically achieve. Birth of a child is a miracle.

ok, more later. I must go wipe my eyes.

See, adoption can be such a roller coaster ride also of emotions; although different from what we went through with infertility, we would ultimately achieve our dreams and goals of becoming parents by the blessing of another human(ie: Julia's birthmother).

Never give up hope.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

any suggestions on where to shop for Christmas Stockings?

looking for Nice (no plain red/white) stockings, maybe something with embroidered names on them for DH, Julia and I. Might you know of somewhere I can check? I'll check with my mom to see if maybe she can help me make some. If not, I'd like to keep shopping online for some to buy.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

angels in heaven I'll always remember you

2 years ago tonight I sadly miscarried my last pregnancy I would every carry at 6 weeks along. We had done a fresh In-vitro Fertilization (IVF) cycle and transferred 3 ok 3 day blastocysts to my uterus. I had become pregnant on this, my 5th, fresh IVF transer cycle. We had an ultrasound just days before to confirm there was one sac and fetal pole for this pregnancy. I was set to go in on November 28th 2005 to confirm the heartbeat, but sadly while at dinner at TGI Fridays that Saturday night I began to bleed very badly. I knew what my body was doing. I could feel the contractions within 4 hours of the bleeding having started and I delivered the sac in tact at home. I did not bother to go to the ER as I had suffered several other miscarriages before this and knew that once the sac was expelled I would be ok in about 2 hours. I took a dose of narcotics I had at home to relieve the pain I was physically in and just had DH hug me. Hold me in his arms and cry with me.

We both said that this was not meant to be and that we were done with the heartaches and miscarriages forever (This was our 5th uterine miscarriage).

I was so sad, robbed of the very thing a woman of child baring age is usually blessed with, a normal pregnancy. I was ripped up emotionally for a few days and I told myself that my body was a failure, but I would not let that keep me down long. I grieved this loss, but luckily I was able to attend the IF support group meeting and cry it out. Then the next week I attended my first of many adoption support group meetings to set our minds on the future of becoming parents through adoption. I also booked a date for my hysterectomy a few months later. One of the best decisions I ever made.

I pray for all the angels up in heaven that never made it to be Earthly angels. We mommies love you all very much and were blessed to have been pregnant with you for as long as we could keep you in there.

I Don't ever let a day go by without lifting my eyes to heaven and talking a few words to my 9 angels in heaven.

Friday, November 23, 2007

a wee pea in the pod she is

My little sweet pea is growing big so fast.

Today's 8 week check up (8w1d) was great. We went in around 9 am and were 1 of 3 others in the waiting room. Ahh, not a bad wait. We went to the exam room and the nurse measured her and weighed her. She is growing up so fast.

10 lbs 7 oz
23 inches long

Julia got her first round of 4 shots. Also one oral vaccination for diarrhea. Oh joy. She screamed for about 1 minute and then let me finish her bottle with her before she got dressed. She is cranky tonight. We did dose her with some tylenol per the docs instructions. I will watch her over the next few hours for temperature changes and will use the tylenol if needed. I think her legs are sore from the shots as she screamed if I accidentally touched them tonight. Otherwise she has been just a tad fussy, but nothing overbearing. OUCH though.. Man, I know after all my years of infertility shots of hormones I still hate needles.

The doc asked me how she is interacting with us and I told him she is already fully mimicking our coos and facial expressions. She will pucker her lips and say "oooooo" and scrunches up her eyebrows like me when doing that. She is lifting her arms and swinging at her jungle gym toys. She will stand with our help on our laps and do the jump up and down routine. She loves to talk back to us while laying on her changing table pad. The doc then said that she is advanced for her age with doing these skills. He said that is good to see her being so active. He said he would bet she stays on this curve of learning and to keep up with talking to her and reading to her and exercising her legs like that. FUN.

I picked up a Parents as Teachers pamphlet. I will be calling on Monday to see if we can set up a visit with them after the first of the year. I want to learn as much as possible to help with teaching Julia in every aspect of her life. Motor skills, communication skills, language, etc... We are so lucky to have this option as parents. I want Julia to have ever opportunity to be enriched with ever possible avenue of learning.

Todays reading list consists of a new book I bought off of Amazon. Thanks to our adoption support group leader, Danielle, I got this book to read last week and started it tonight. Quick read so far. I am 52 pages in and think I will most likely finish it tonight. It is an account of an adoptive mothers thoughts on open adoption. I'll review it for you later this week when I get a chance to sit down and go over it all.

OMG OMG OMG. The Naked Ovary is back.

YOU MUST GO CHECK THIS OUT..

The Naked Ovary
is back to blogging... (warning to those that are IF and still trying, Baby by adoption mentioned and PREGNANCY mentioned in her blog post).

WOOOHOOOOO. Congrats to The Naked Ovary and her family. She stopped blogging a while back and I missed her posts so much, but she has come back to update us with some THRILLING baby news. WOOOOOHOOOOO
She went through Infertility and then adopted a daughter from China and now this.....

ahhh, this made my day.(or night, if you will)

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Some comments I have received from co-workers and friends lately have me smiling from ear to ear.

"What a doll! You all make a beautiful family. Thanks for sharing!"

"Your daughter is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!! She is a blessing....." and yes, that came from a co-worker that was adopted when she was little.

"Just adorable!!! "

Yes, she is adorable if I do say so myself. And I will say she is the blessing we have been waiting for for over 9 years of our journey through infertility, miscarriages and a few failed match adoptions. I reflect back to the days when I was so down and out from the losses we kept having and wondering when it would be time to celebrate a child in our lives. Well, we are at that time in our lives and let me tell you the wait was hard, but SHE makes it all worth it.

I will always be thankful for the support we got through the years, work understanding why I needed so many surgeries (ivf, d&c's etc) and my co-workers, family and friends telling us to hang in there. We did it. She makes us complete, well, except for my desire to have another baby in a few years time. A sister or brother for Julia! Yes, I said that to the hubby the week we brought her home. Call me crazy, but I have always wanted a family of 2 or 3 kiddo's and now we know this is possible through the blessing of adoption. (We have not given up on the idea of surrogacy either if we can find a surrogate.)

Julia has been and continues to be a very happy baby. She is spitting up some from the formula changes, but I think that will be ok in due time. I'll chat with the doc next Friday about that. I will also ask about adding in some rice cereal in the night bottle to see if that helps fill up her belly. She is sleeping some nights from 10:30/11 pm - 4:30 or so. not bad, but if we can get her to stay asleep a little longer I bet we would all be in great shape from good sleeps. LOL Heck, she slept from 9:30 - 6 am last Sunday night. Dh had baby duty that night so he got some sleep. If it would have been me on that shift duty that night I bet I would have went in to check on her several times. I just could not believe she slept that long. We have found that the nights we give her a bath, she sleeps so much better, thus last Sunday nights good sleep.

Being back to work this week has been an adjustment, but much better than I ever expected. Sure, I do miss Julia, but I get my 20 minutes before we have to leave the house to cuddle with her and chat with her and enjoy her sweet toothless smiles. I anticipated my heart breaking having to leave her with a sitter, but honestly I feel good about her care because I know she has constant interaction when she is awake and also has some interaction with the other kiddo's at the sitters house. The sitter said she is a very good baby and I really enjoyed hearing that from her. Oh, my m-i-l watched her Wednesday this past week and also said she is a dream baby and is so good. Ahhhh, I love it. I know that can change in her life on different days of being fussy, but overall she is a smiling happy baby most times. She loves to be interacted with by either us or her play gym or mobiles in her crib. She LOVES ceiling fans. I've noticed she is focusing on things further and further away each day.

We have been waiting to hear back from her birthmother for a few weeks now, but all is well. Now we just wait to set up a call to set up a time we can all meet up again in person. Julia's birth-siblilngs said they want to see her too. She has two older siblings so it will be fun to see them all together soon. I say my prayers that Julia's birthmother and siblings are all ok and I ask in those prayers for them to know we all love them so much and are so thankful for them and we can't wait to share who they are with Julia.

Ok, back to writing our first letter to the birthmother and gathering up the pictures we want to send also. This letter writing and picture sending will occur at least once a month for the first 3 months and then every other month for a while. This is one thing we did not put in ink with the birthmother, instead we chatted about sending these items when we have time. So I suggested the above schedule to the birthmother and she said that would be great. Heck, I think we will see each other in person b4 I send the 2nd set to our agency to forward to the birthmother.

I can't wait until next weeks ped appointment to see how big Ms. Julia is.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

The stats tell the truth, she is growing by leaps and bounds

Julia's 1 month 4 day stats (From Tuesday this week) were:

9 lbs
22 inches long

Girl, you are so growing up big and tall. From the 6lb13oz 20 1/2 inches long, you are growing by leaps and bounds. The doctor said you are right on target and to keep up the 4 oz bottles each feeding.

Constipation is making her wait. Really, she is constipated so I talked to the doc about this. He said he did not want to take her off the enfamil lipil with iron (iron can cause the poor unsuspecting baby to be backed up), but instead to add in 1 teaspoon of kayro (dark over light) in 1 bottle of formula a day to see if that works and if it does not help in 2 days or so to up it to 1 teaspoons each in 2 different bottles a day. If that does not help after a week then we need to call the doc back and mention it is not working. He then said suppositories are next. This all came about after Poor Julia had to have Daddy's help in pulling out a hard as rock poopie coming out of her bottom last week. OUCH.


To end the appointment, the nice nurse (or Julia might disagree that she was not the nice nurse) came in and gave Julia her hepatitis b 2 shot in the upper thigh. At the moment of prep, Julia had no clue she was getting ready to be jabbed with a sharp needle and injected with this vaccination. As the needle went it, I held her binkie in her mouth, but that did not even sooth her one bit. She weeped with a loud screech which lasted about 20 seconds. She then lipped and sucked the binkie in and was quiet. She got a cute little round Bugs bunny bandage and was told she could get dressed and was done with the docs office for that day.

Oh, I did ask the doc if I could give Julia some Tylenol before her next appointment the day after Thanksgiving due to her being scheduled for her next round of shots (2 month shots) and he said that was find. He said I should expect her to be cranky and tired that day so the tylenol will help.

btw, I can't stop kissing these little toes

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

My little pumpkin is bringing us our dreams come true

As I sit here on the couch in the living room, I sit back and bask at the sight of my long awaited love in her bouncy seat sleeping content after sucking down her morning bottle.

Since January 1999, we have longed for this day to happen. See, like everyone that goes through infertility and even more so, miscarriages, We sat many many years and wondered at each Holiday, each Halloween, each event if WE would be that parent one day holding our child and celebrating the events at hand. On several occasions I curled up in my bed and silently cried real tears thinking it would never happen for us. We longed to be that mom and dad chasing our little costume dressed pumpkin down the block while gathering up a sack full of trick-or-treat goodies. We longed to be that couple that was able to take our first family portrait to put on that annual Christmas card like so many friends and family have sent us (no, I did not usually get upset opening these picture cards as so many that suffer through Infertility and losses do). We wanted to be that family that is able to wake up on Christmas morning and Celebrate Jesus and his birth and be thankful for the gifts we have under the tree. See, those things avoided us like the plague all these years, but let me tell you today, being our first FAMILY Halloween, We are so living the REALITY of this dream we have longed for for so many years. That dream that seemed like we would never reach it. It makes me cry tears, tears I never thought I would feel, Tears of JOY and THANKFULNESS! Not tears of sadness and disbelief I felt for so many years. "Would it ever happen for us?", I'd ask, then I would hear family and friends say "Sure, it will happen, just hang in there" and by gosh it HAS HAPPENED.

By the blessing of domestic adoption, we have been given a gift of a precious daughter in our lives to help bring those dreams to reality and allow us to bond and form that core love that will never end as a family.

We both sit back once or twice a day and say, WOW, the wait was well worth every minute. Sure, I will never ever forget my 9 angel babies I lost to heaven in the near 8 years of Infertility and treatments we suffered through. Sure, I will never ever forget the ROCK that my husband was for me while I miscarried those babies and he barely cried a tear so he could be strong for me. Sure, I really thought those doctors would bring me the miracle we so deserved and desired through all the rough treatments of IUI's and IVF's we did, but thanks to AGOHA and a local friend that introduced us to Julia's birthmother, WE ARE FINALLY LIVING OUR DREAM.

Those times that I said "We deserve to be that family", yes we did and NOW WE ARE so thankful to be there in this time and place in our lives. Some people have told me that I would forget about our infertility and losses once our child is placed in our arms, but no, that is not true. It makes our past of grief and loss easier to deal with, but we will never forget and honestly it will be part of our story we can share with our daughter as she grows to let her know how much we love each other and how we stuck by each others sides through thick and thin to bring her into our lives. This will be a part of our journey we will share with her that brought us to the crossroads of meeting her birthmother and meeting her siblings and birthfamily.

I hope to convey to Julia the love we share and have shared through the 16 years of our marriage. We never gave up hope of becoming a family of more than the two of us. We dreamed and are still dreaming of how big we want our family to be. We will never stop giving our thanks for the blessing of watching our family grow over the last few months.

Seeing Julia's ultrasound back in early September before she was delivered was so cool. It brought a new found respect for the love one (her birhtmother) could have to bring such a child into breathing life. Sure, she could have made a decision to not carry the pregnancy to term, but She did choose to carry her and I so thank her for doing that. For without that decision, we would not know our daughter now. I commend her birthmother for being courageous, strong for her and her family, and for her family to support her decision to bring a miracle to life. I stop every day and tell Julia that her tummy mommy is a blessing to her and I both and to daddy also! We can't wait to show her the fun holidays to celebrate, family and friends to meet, parties to be had and even just a simple camping trip to the regional state parks. I can't wait for next Summer when our pool opens and I can get her in the water and teach her how to swim.

Ahhhhhhhhh

Ok, as soon as my camera battery charges up, I'll post a picture of Ms. Julia in her cute curly ribbon bow/headband our friend Molly made her. I'll try and get pictures of Julia's first Trick-or-Treating walk with my sister and her 3 kids and my brother and his 3 kids. Julia is part of this family now and God I am so Thankful for her and the ability to watch her grow into a beautiful woman one day. BUT don't let that happen too quickly, let me bask in her beauty and baby smiles for a while. hehe

I may not always be able to convey my thoughts and feelings in words that all might understand in this blog, but I am glad I can jot this down for Julia to read one day. Thank you all for reading if you got through this post today.


HAPPY HALLOWEEN to you and to my sweet Julia and her Daddy too!

Monday, October 29, 2007

all decked out in my smile and orange

don't tell me a 4 week old can't smile!

Isn't she cute in her pumpkin hat and outfit?

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Who needs the Name brand items when you can make them?


My mom is the bomb! She can sew up a storm. So I called her yesterday and asked her if she had about 5 yards of t-shirt type material at home? (hehe, I bet on it she would.) She said she would check. Then she asked me why. ... I told her to go look up the Ultimate Baby Wrap on Ebay or babiesrus. I would like to have her make one for me to use to carry Julia around while doing house work, playing outside with the dogs, Walking, fun while camping, etc....


So my mom calls me today to say she has some red material and to come by to check it out. It is perfect. I had a few other things to do so I left. She called me not even 45 minutes later to tell me she had finished the wrap for Julia. LOL I'll try and take a picture of it next week after I pick it up.

Belated Happy Birthday to my Hubby. Actually I did say HB to him today when he woke up. I did not get him a card, no, he is not sad by that.... and he bought his own gift online. LOL See, he likes electronic gadgets (blueray something or another dvd HD player). So he got to buy his own gift online. Happy Birthday my sweetheart.

Friday, October 19, 2007

the love for st. louis attractions... Grants Farm first

This will be the first of many blog entries about the great family/kid friendly St. Louis attractions to visit.

Today was our (Julia and myself) first official "St. Louis attraction" visit out. We went to Grants Farm. We met up with another local mom of 3. She is my inspiration! Sorry we missed another mom due to some car key problems.

Julia was sleeping when I got there and slept 3/4 of the time we were there.

I have not been to Grants Farm in about 12 years so it was great to see everything and enjoy the company of a very sweet mom of 3. I also met a few other mothers and their kids that she knows, but we all went in our own direction and pace. It was nice to get out and do a mommy event with my daughter though.

It was a new experience that went well. Something I have always dreamed about doing with my daughter! I learned I am a wreckless driver to an extent with the stroller... LOL and I learned that I need to pack a baby bag that includes my purse items so I don't have to carry two different bags. Lord knows my own purse can be packed to the hilt with things so I need to learn to downsize it and the diaper bag too.

Here is a pic of sweet Julia sleeping her way past the kangaroo yard.

here is a picture of the beautiful cldyesdale baby horses at the horse stables. Julia and I walked over there by ourselves after mom of 3 left. I loved getting up close to the horses... heck, I even got to pet the momma of the baby horse and another baby that was a bit older. FUN.

Monday, October 15, 2007

for all my friends and family and us that have lost a baby through miscarriage or infant loss




for our 9 angels in heaven from July 1999 - November 26th 2005. I miss you, each and every one.

Thanks to KD for posting this info and banner

Also, please consider lighting a candle. This is a way to connect with many around the world.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

bright eyed

Each day bring a little more time that Julia tends to be more alert. It is nice to see her eyes open. They are still the deep blue from birth, yet beautiful. She loves to listen to DH and I talk to her. She loves to watch the ceiling fan go round and round. She loves to watch her Real Love mobile go round and round when she lays in her crib. She loves to lift her head while she is up on our shoulders (burping position) and look around at what is going on.

I love being able to observe these things about her as she grows each day. This is the love that I always wished for with becoming parents. Sure, sleepless nights have happened for both DH and I, but we gain strength in seeing her grow from all the love and sweet formula she is getting.

I had a good time this morning rooting through the mounds of clothes at the baby mania sale. I came away with 3 grocery bags full of great deals. More 2 and 3 piece outfits for 0-3 and 3-6 months sizes. I have lots of sleepers and lots of onesies already so I focused on cute pant and shirt outfits and a few jumpsuits and a few pairs of shoes (heck, several outfits still had tags on them). Then my sister buzzed me on my cell to say she found Julia the perfect Christmas dress. I trust my sister as she has great taste in clothes so I asked her to buy it for me and I would pay her back. Well, she gave us the bag tonight of that dress and a few bottles she also got, but did not want any money for all of the items. Bless her. She loves Julia also and loves buying for her. I heard her say that Julia is her new baby fix!

Tonight I am sitting down and starting to write out the many Thank You cards for all the precious gifts that Julia has gotten in the last two weeks from friends and family and co-workers. We are so blessed to have such a great support system with all of those people in our lives. Julia is so loved already and has fit right in with the family and friends. What a true blessing.

I need to upload a few more photos to print out at the local Walgreens. I always get 2 sets of each of the pictures so we can send a set to Julia's birthmother soon. I'll be writing letters each month for the next few months and sending pictures with those letters. We had purchased a photo book for a bithmother gift so she would have a place to keep all the photos. She was very thankful for that and can't wait to fill it up. She said her daughter loved looking at Julia birth pictures we gave to them the day after her birth. Fun. I am so glad we can share these with her birthfamily.

Speaking of the birth family, I left a message for Julia's birthmother 3 days ago and have not heard from her. I know there are phone issues, but I sure hope she can call back when she is comfortable to chat again. See, Julia's birthmother told us she wanted to give us a few weeks at home with Julia to bond before she would get in touch with us again. I just hope that she is coping with things ok. I do worry about her, but I won't fret yet as I will still give her another week or so before I get too worried about her. I also know our Social worker will try and contact her if we don't hear from her soon. I don't want to crowd her, but yet I do want to make sure she is doing ok with the transition from the birthmother side of things. I still can't fully understand her feelings of loss and never will, I won't pretend about that, but I do care about her and will let her know I will always ask how she is doing.

Blessings abound.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Yard sale/Garage Sale mania Saturday....

Mehlville's baby mania sale is tomorrow Oct 13th 8-12


also the IAS support group is holding a garage sale to help fund the new books in the library for educational purposes. Charity sale!! Check it out.

Julia is going to have a nice haul tomorrow! hehe

Thursday, October 11, 2007

her drinking nipples, not mine

Learning new things. I knew there were different sized bottle nipples for different ages of an infant, but I never really paid attention to what sizes and flows they were and when they need to be changed out. I never got to ask the pediatrician about this so I researched it online.

To review nipples come in 4 different stages:

# Stage 1 (aka “slow”): this is for newborns. There is only one hole in this nipple so that the formula will come out very slowly. This is important because otherwise the newborn can choke. Any newborn bottle (translation small bottle) will come with this.

# Stage 2 (aka “medium”): This for babies 3-6 months old and these nipples have 2 holes. Thus, the formula comes out faster.

# Stage 3 (aka “fast”): This is for babies over 6 months. I never used these with my older son because we moved onto sippy cups, but presumably these nipples have 3 holes.

# The Y-cut: This is a nipple where the hole is cut wide to so the baby can drink thicker drinks such as formula with a little bit of cereal in it.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

bye bye billie cord

Julia's umbilical cord stump fell off today. 10 days old and it is gone already. Her pediatrician said it could happen from 10 days up until 30 days. WOW. That was quick.

She is a sleeping sweetheart right now. She is in her snugglie wrap sitting in her swing fast asleep. She should be waking up in about a 1/2 hour to feed. She needs to poop! Poops have slowed way down. More like 2 a day instead of after every feed. Is this normal? She is not in any pain from being backed up so I hope it is ok. If she does not go again by morning, I'll give the nurse at the ped's office a call to check. Ahhh, the worries of mommyhood! :)

Julia is more alert every day. She sat and listened to daddy talk to her for a while this afternoon and She also finds it comforting to listen to me talk to her about life. She layed in her boppy last night and just stared back at me while I told her about her tummy mommy again and how blessed we are to have her in our lives. I told her that it made all the struggles of near 8 years of infertility and miscarriages much easier to deal with now that she is here in our lives and family.

Oh, My mom and sister both said this week that they can't wait until christmas. Toys galore will be given by them. Ute Oh! All those years I bought noisy toys for my nieces and nephews, it must be pay back time from them to us for Julia to keep us bugged with noisy toys then. LOL I guess Payback is sweet when your on the other side of the fence. hehe

Back to getting my ebay items active again. I was able to make about 150.00 in the last 3 weeks. Not bad! That 150.00 goes towards the 390.00 in court filing fees for the proceedings we went to on Friday for Julia's birthmothers termination hearing. Every bit counts. Check out my items on Ebay and then come back and check out my items on my TWOGOOTS blog!

Thanks for all your support even if you are just lurking! Becoming a parent after all these years of infertility and miscarriages and then a few bumps in the adoption road has made it all worth every step.

Oh, thanks to first social worker from Adoption Haven (our first agency), we have another adoption book to read to Ms. Julia. A Little Golden Book called "A Blessing from Above". It is a story about a kangaroo who has an empty pouch and wants to fill it with a loving baby. Momma-Roo is so thankful for her baby birdy that dropped into her pouch and she is now raising him. So sweet.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

oh what a busy week we've had

Wednesday's pediatrician appointment went very very well. Julia weighed in at 7lb 4 oz, up from her birthweight of 6 lb 13oz. Good gracious, she can eat! The doc said that was on target and that it was ok to feed her between the minimum of 2 oz of formula to the max of 4 oz. Depending on her demand and our judgment if she may be full around 3 oz or so. BUT my piggy little sweet girl is taking around 3.5 oz a feeding. hehe.

Julia's sleeping patterns vary. Last night she ate 3.5 oz of formula around 1:30 am and she slept from around 2:30 am to 7 am. Yes, 4.5 hours. But 4.5 is not her record so far. She slept 5 hours the night before. WOW. GO GIRL GO. I am amazed by her ability to do this so early on in her life, but you know I am not complaining at all. I did get to sleep too during those nice long stretches. I also am preparing for those nights when she will not sleep either. LOL I know it is inevitable.

Motherhood is happening and I love it. DH is a wonderful father also. He and I have been sharing shifts and he does wonderful with feeding, diapering and putting her back to sleep. We are so blessed. DH goes back to work Monday so it will be another adjustment for us as I will be on my own to try and learn to do the night shifts for a while. I don't go back to work until November 12th so we have a few weeks to try and find a new pattern of sleep and feedings during the nights. Sleep deprivation is hard, but when I look at our beautiful daughter and she is staring at me while holding her, I can't be mad one bit. It actually makes the bonding easier and makes my love grow for her each day.

Friday morning we went to the family courts in Clayton. We met our lawyer and our social worker there to have the judge hear our case for the birthmothers parental termination rights. All's well with those court proceedings. We do have to have our lawyer do a legal journal publication for the birthfather and if no one comes forward his rights will be terminated in court in about a months time.

Going through these processes have been enlightening and now become part of our daughters adoption story we will continue to share with her. I talk to her every day about who her tummy mommy is (birthmother) and her siblings are and that she will eventually see them again in person soon. I love that I can talk to Julia about these things knowing she will get to know her birthfamily along with our family over the many years to come. Open adoption gives us that blessing of sharing and getting to know each other not only by pictures and letters, but in person too.

Blessings to you all and I say prayers for any out there still trying to build their families. If there is anything I can help with to help get you through the process of either fertility treatments or adoption, please drop me an email.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Hello doctor

Julia's first pediatrician appointment is today. I have no idea what to expect. I am sure he will fully examine her.

I have a few questions about feedings and shots, but that is about it.

I wish I had posted this yesterday to get your suggestions of what to expect and questions to ask.

Cheers to a good weight and length growth. Hummm, Will she have gained weight by now? We'll see.

This is our second adventure out of the house. I hope we can get use to going an adventures.

Julia slept for near 5 hours between feedings last night into this morning. WOW.

How much formula were you feeding at near 1 week old? The nursery at the hospital was only feeding 1 oz +1ml, So just under 2 oz. Sorry, but I just can't see that being enough for her. I'll keep you posted on what the doc suggests.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Here she is


not the greatest of pictures, but this was only 30 minutes after birth. I'll have more later

Friday, September 28, 2007

Introducing........

Julia Marie Gxxxxxxxxx
Born 9/27/07
22:22 hours (10:22 pm)
6lbs 13 oz
20 1/2 inches long

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

What a wonderful day.

speechless.

I promise pictures in the next few days. Off to bed and then back to the hospital tomorrow

Thursday, September 27, 2007

hopefully this is the last update b4 delivery

our pbirthmother is contracting and feeling them now with the potocin (sp?) drip. I am at home with DH for a few minutes. I am leaving him here to study for his college algebra test monday night and will call him back up to the hospital when labor contractions bet closer together. I am heading back up there now after putting on some pants and tennis shoes. Shorts are too cold in the hospital and walking is a good part of my visits there so tennis shoes it is.

Wish some good labor vibes for her.

I'll post more when I get a chance tomorrow or Saturday. Gosh, I wish I could have someone update here for you all.

Cheers!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

what to take to the hospital.. (courtesy of A Gift Of Hope Adoptions Blog)

This is from the blog our adoption agency's Social worker keeps.............
A Gift of Hope Adoptions
What should you take to the hospital? You should have an infant car seat, a layette set, an outfit for taking the baby home, and a stocked diaper bag. When you first get there, however, leave all that in the car and take in just a few things. If you are there for labor and delivery, pack a few necessities such as an energy bar and water. When you need to take a break, leave the room to eat. Bring your cameras and have a change of clothes in the car in case you’re there for a long time. After a long delivery, your adrenalin will kick in and you’ll be so excited by the new arrival that time will pass quickly and you may be at the hospital for 24 hours before you even realize it. Make sure you have your driver’s license, social security card, and another form of picture identification. Hospitals take very seriously the security of newborns and will want your identification in order for you to spend time in the nursery or leave with the baby upon discharge. Generally, one of you will be given a bracelet so that you can go in and out of the nursery to see the baby, if the birth mother requests it. There are no more than two bracelets issued for each baby for security reasons. The birth mother will be wearing the other bracelet. Don’t be offended if the nurses check your bracelet each time you ask to enter the nursery or see the infant. This is for the protection of the infant and is desirable.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

new camera

my digital camera bit the concrete dust about a month ago so I have been on the hunt for a good camera. My pick was the Canon Powershot SD850. Sure, I hate hate hate spending the money on a camera, but my old digital was over 5 years old and ate a quick concrete death so I had no choice. I was not going to buy a cheap camera that only lasted a year. I wanted a reliable camera to be around to take pictures of our new baby that we hope to welcome to our family soon (ha, very soon). I managed to talk DH into stopping by Circuit City tomorrow night on the way home to pick up the new camera. I can't wait to get it charged up and ready to go for Thursday at the hospital. hehe

New camera, now we are ready for a new life.

Man oh man, the nerves are jumping. I about jumped out of my skin when the pbirthmother called me today. LOL She is not in labor yet, but wanted to let me know she got the grocery shopping gift card in the mail from the agency today(we paid for it). So her mom was going to go get some groceries for dinner and for the next few days for when she gets home from the hospital after delivery.

Gosh. I am nervous. Only one more day of work. Only 2 days until delivery of, I bet, a beautiful little baby girl.

I plan on taking 6 weeks off work. 6 of those days will be paid(vacation), the rest unpaid. So I will be ramping up my ebay sales after a week or so on leave. I am safe with my job with Family leave as I can take up to 12 weeks off with no pay, but I will only take 5 weeks unpaid. I think 6 weeks at home will be a wonderful blessing of a time to bond with our future daughter. (gosh, OMG... what would happen if this is a boy? AHHHHHH, Still as much love to be given!).

oh my head is rambling with thoughts and things to do in the next 36 hours. WOW. Deep breath

Monday, September 24, 2007

still

her cervix is still 2cm

but


....



......

induction is set for thursday morning! 2 days past her due date.

Thanks for hanging in there with us. All the support is priceless.

I have more words to post, more random thoughts than anything, but I'll post them later.


stay tuned

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Is there such a thing as nesting

With never being able to experience pregnancy ever again (hysterecomy May '06), I will never be able to go through the so called "Nesting" phase a pregnacy induces. Or so I have heard that happens to expectant mothers. BUT the question I have is.........Is it still possible for an expectant adoptive couple to go through the "NESTING" phase too?

This past week I have had my mom and sister come over to help re-organize the nursery. See, I had things in the crib still from last years (June '06) baby shower my family threw us. Brand new, unopened items. Plus many other acquired items from friends and family and yard sales that will help get us through the first few months of life of our first child. So we took down the old broken crib, put up my nieces nice convertible drawer below crib. Then we moved some furniture around, rearranged drawers of clothes and divided them out into rubbermade containers per age specific size. We hung up some cute outfits in the closet (Hubby hung some nice clothes racks in there for more space last year). We vacuumed and then all enjoyed looking at the nursery.

Wednesday night I had my mom over to help with some ebay items and we worked on trying to organize the sewing / craft room downstairs. Tried is the key word. We did not get very far, but at least we got started.

Is this nesting?

send some labor vibes to our potential birthmother if you could! She is doing well, some cramps, some minor contractions off and on, but nothing steady enough to kick start full labor yet.

I'll write more later on a recent visit with the pbm and her daughter and meeting the pbm's mom. I can say that having an "open" relationship has been very interesting, yet comforting at the same time. Open can mean many different levels of openness so it has been interesting to see our relationship develop through the past few weeks and months. Things have gone well, moreso than I ever expected. It will be educational to see how the future (past birth and placement) develops for us as a new "extended" family to each other.

Cheers to a nice weekend. I promise I'll update ASAP.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

tick tock goes her cervix

yes.. 2 cm dilated

could be days though.

Deep breath

Monday, September 17, 2007

Don't run that Yellow or RED light at hampton & chippewa

Yes folks, the police cameras are in operation at the corners of Chippewa and Hampton. DON'T RUN THE LIGHTS THERE. My husband was the lucky recipient of a 100.00 ticket in via mail today from the St. Louis Police Department Traffic violation enforcement department. They caught DH and his truck running the Red Light on camera. The picture of his vehicle is as clear as a blue sky and they were able to zoom in on his license plate with the best picture I have ever seen. LOL

Those cameras are both on the stop light overhangs and there are separate poles installed on 2 of the 4 corners that house special click cameras that catch you running the lights.

Yes, DH is at fault and he is agreeing it was a bad thing he did, but he is now laughing about it because he knows he was caught red handed running that red light. There is no denying that via the pictures the violation page had on it.

It took the Violations Enforcement department about 1 month to send the violation "Ticket" to DH in the mail so folks, beware you are on camera and being watched every where, every day now!

Bahahahaha

Oh, btw, this ticket is a Non-Moving violation so it won't go as points against his drivers license, but man, 100.00 is steep.

Oh and btw, if you have a relative that is a cop, forget it, even they can't get that ticket fixed. Heck, my uncle-in-law(a cop) said he knows of a city cop that has 2 violations against him right now from this same camera system and he too can't get out of the tickets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, September 16, 2007

without your support

keeping my spirits going forward, keeping my chin(s) up, keeping eyes focused on the good, you all have been helping me do this. I can't thank you enough. You tell me this will all be worth every moment we have waited, you all tell me that the pain of the many years of infertility will be showered over with the love our future child will give us. You have all given me the reminders to stay hopeful that our ultimate goal will be reached......... Parenting.

Becoming parents is what it is all about. Our journey to have a child we can teach, love and laugh with no matter the way they came into our lives. Adoption will be that path and what a blessing it will be. Trying at times, but well worth every moment.

We went into fertility treatments thinking a biological child would fill our lives, but after seeing 9 angels go to heaven we knew becoming parents was our ultimate goal. You all have helped us inch miles closer to that dream.

Seeing a woman(birthmother) making this decision of making an adoption plan is of the most surreal experiences in my life. DH's too, I am sure. I will never fully understand what a birthmother goes through emotionally let alone physically carrying a baby she knows she will not be able to parent at that time in her life(his too, for the birthfathers out there). I will never pretend to understand it, but I always ask our potential birthmother to feel free to talk to me if she wishes on how she is handling this from her side of things because I do care to be her listening ear and shoulder to lean on. She said she gets sad thinking about what is about to transpire in her life, but yet she knows she can trust us to be the best possible parents to her baby. Her emotions must be all over the board right now and for some time to come. Ican tell you our emotions are up and down and sideways most days. How blessed we are to be matched with her, to be able to talk with her, share our backgrounds with her and to have been blessed to see the baby by ultrasound. I want to know so much more, but I will let nature takes its course to let the conversations flow as they will to enlighten us to who each of us are, how we grew up and how we plan for the future in an open adoption relationship. We expect ebbs and flows.

this week I plan on putting up the crib, cleaning out and organizing the nursery and craft rooms and getting paperwork ready for my potential family leave I will take from work. I hope to take a full 6 weeks off, of which 5 will be unpaid(ugh) so I need to ramp up my ebay sales too.

It is Fun being busy for a good reason!

Thanks for being here for us

Friday, September 14, 2007

16 years ago today

I took my best friends hand in marriage.

I love you Hubby!

16 years ago today it was 94 degrees.
16 years ago I was watching my husband get drunk with his brothers and friends at our reception in my parents back yard. They were doing beer bongs.
16 years ago today our wedding song was "Everything I do, I do it for you" by Bryan Adams. And yes, I still love that song biotches.
16 years ago today I had the most fun at a wedding reception ever!
16 years ago today I drove my drunk ass husband to the Ramada Inn Six Flags!

Happy Anniversary, my love!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

babies galore (adoption update at the end)

yup, in abundance.

My guppy (fish) had babies this morning. To venture a guess as to how many, About 23 of them. This brings the total of baby guppies born in this house to about 75 in the last 2 weeks.

OMG. What the hell am I going to do with all these babies? Well, I do have to mother them to an extent(read: feed them and clean out their poop) so maybe, just maybe this is some sort of preparation for me to become a mommy myself one day soon, right? Ok, shake your head at me and laugh out loud as you all might think I am insane to try and compare guppy rearing to human baby rearing, but for some odd reason I think of it as more of a "nesting" phase I am going through. Heck, I can't be normal like most pregnant women and "nest" so instead I will prep for the birth of our future baby by mothering in other ways for now.

Oh who the hell am I trying to kid? At least I can say I am a mommy to some babies!

So DH called our potential birthmother(pbm) tonight. It was nice to have him lead off the conversation. I love that he is as involved with this all as I am and on the same level as I am with the emotions. Thank the Lord above for us being able to talk openly with our pbm and thanks for DH leading the call tonight.

As of right now, our pbm has one more doctors appointment before her due date on the 25th. Induction is most likely going to happen on the 25th if our pbm does not go into labor before that.

A potential date. Ok, this is starting to make me think of things that we need to prep to get ready for this blessing. Also, I often wonder how our pbm is handling the emotions of this all and she told me tonight she is doing ok, scared of labor and anxious to see how she feels when she has the baby emotionally not only physically, but she said she knows she will be sad to an extent and happy for us at the same time. She wants to see us become parents. I can't help but wonder what her side of the experience is going to be like. I know my heart aches already thinking about the moment the baby is born for the pbm. We want her to be ok emotionally, but honestly if she is not sad and does not cry we would be worried for her. I know the social worker we have through our agency will be there for her in an instant if she needs to talk or just have someone sit by her through this all.

We have yet to get confirmation on how the hospital deals with adoptions, but from what I hear, it is an overall good experience. No, I won't tell you where that hospital is for security and privacy reasons. :-) I'm sure you all understand some of the privacy issues. Our social worker is trying to get in contact with the hospital social worker and we hope to hear about that contact soon.

Ok, rambling. enough for tonight.

Cheers for a safe 2 weeks for our pbm.

Monday, September 10, 2007

lead butt

OMG.. I Swear I posted this a few weeks back. I have lead butt and I can't get rid of it. I need to get my butt up and start cleaning the basement bedroom so I can move all my crafts in there and out of the nursery. My ebay things I mean. I have managed to take up more than one full wall (changing table area) of the nursery with all the baby bottle holders and blankets and other items for sale on ebay.

I need to get the donated crib out of the back of my vehicle and set it up in the nursery and get rid of the crib that is broken(kick bar to raise and lower the crib rail is broke and not fixable).

I need to get the laundry done. Baby clothes that is. I also need to go buy some laundry detergent to finish said laundry.

I need to get motivated.

I will get rid of this lead butt.

Oh, I have to call the local nurse I know to see if she wants to take the 18 gallon tote out of my basement full of syringes and needles from our infertility IVF cycles. Wow, 18 gallon tote is not an exaggeration. I had lots of friends donate them to me through the 5 IVF cycles and FET cycle. I want to pay it forward to someone else that can use them or give them to the nurse that gives lessons on how to do shots for those just starting out in the "injectable" phase of infertility. I know many medications come needle equipped for injection(ie: follistim, gonal F pens), but some medications still need to be injected, like heparin or Progesterone in Oil shots (YOUCH). So maybe I can help someone out there in their path to become parents. hehe.. with the help of syringes and needles. Fun.

Friday, September 07, 2007

On the fly (looking for anwers from you moms/dads out there)

Do you ever book yourself crazy busy with things to do when there are big events coming up in life? Well that is what has been happening for me lately. Babysitting here and there for friends and now again for family, weddings, friends hosting home interiors parties or candle parties and to boot - meeting with the lawyer about the adoption process. I tend to overbook myself when times in our life are already busy with anticipation of a big events that will hopefully happen. I don't mind busy days, but I get so ramped up with things that I don't sleep.

Being busy is good to an extent for me, but sometimes exhausting. I know, you might say that exhaustion won't compare for when we have a baby in the house, right? How tired should I expect to be? I have read baby's birth to 18 month books or baby's first year books, but from you experienced mom's/dad's out there, what should I expect in the way of sleep? I know, every baby is different, but will I get 2 hours here, 3 here? How long did you typically go between waking up to feed, diaper etc for the baby to geting back to sleep?

Tell me something about when you became a new mom/dad that nobody warned you about. Something that came of a surprise (either good or bad) that you will always pass onto new mom's as advice if they ask?!

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Lawyer up

So the next step in our adoption process has been deemed "Lawyering Up". We were instructed by our agency this past week to start the process of signing on with a lawyer to represent us as the potential adoptive parents. I had done a little research to find out what a lawyer knowledgeable in adoption law costs and the average per hour runs from 175 - 250.00 per hour. Youch. Luckily we are on the lower range of that cost. This lawyer represents us and will do the legal paperwork.

We discussed the birthmother with the lawyer and we talked legal risks as to what is or is not happening with the potential birthfather. A legal journal will be sent an advertisement for several editions for seeking this potential birthfather. I am still learning what else needs to be done on this part of the process.

today I sat at my desk and realized that OMGosh. this really could be happening in a few weeks time. Birth, placement, court, etc. WOW.. I am getting scared, but luckily I have DH by my side and our social worker and even more the lawyer to cover the legal risks. Ahhhhhhhh. Deep breath.

more tomorrow


pinch me!

Monday, September 03, 2007

I love a great weekend, shame it has to end

What a great weekend for some camping. Even with no truck, we had generous friends take our camper out to Babler State Park and even bring it back to our storage today. Thanks Friends!

The weather was great and we even got a bonus from the St. Louis County Air Show on Saturday. I saw the blue angels flying over us and a C17 military plane also.

The dogs on the other hand were not so great. The youngest and oldest got into two different fights for no good reason. Not that any reason is good, but the oldest jumped on the middle dog Sunday night and attacked her and then again today. I had a nice long conversation with them both after that. Not that talking to a dog does much of any good, but it helped my frustration over them both. LOL

I hope to update more this week on the adoption front. Stay tuned. I have to get a feeling of how much our potential birthmother is ok with me sharing here. I can tell you though that as with the many years of going through the emotional raw stages of infertility, there are also bumpy raw states of emotions to the adoption front also. One minute you can feel so high on the euphoria trip and one moment you can feel almost like you have chest pains from the fears. You know, have you ever been so scared from something that you get short breath and chest pains from the sheer fright?! That is the feeling I get sometimes. Without knowing what to expect from one moment to the next you tend to over analyze the possible good happenings that go along with adoption and the possible sad happenings that go with it too. I will not let fear get me down though. One thing that keeps me in check is the all feet grounding advice from the social worker to keep our feet on the ground even with possible exciting news from the potential birthmother. Keep sights set forward, but be cautious and try to contain our emotions knowing that this could go either way.

Ok, back to my ebay stuff. Sales are good. I need to finish stuffing some bottle holders and get them in the mail for tomorrow.

Thanks for reading and following our adventures. I promise more soon.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

that which is stolen is found

Well, for purposes of possibly catching the thief, I'll leave the details untouched. But the truck was found yesterday late afternoon. Now we wait for the insurance company to give their report, which I think would take at least 2 weeks. I hope it is totaled, but if not, we most likely won't keep it much longer after it is repaired and returned. Apparently a whole bottle of mens cologne was spilled all through the cab of the truck and it smells a mix of that and bad nasty arse according to the husband.

Thanks to the officers that found it! Good work.

meantime, I got hooked on America's next top model and am watching it tonight. I would be watching the cardinals, but they are making me fell ill after such a good game last night. Maybe if I don't watch them we will come back and win. We need to overtake the Cubs for first place now. Yes, the cubs are in first. My beloved St. Louis Cardinals are playing decent ball and I hope it keeps going that way.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Hey Thief, return our truck you stole

Yes, my husbands 2004 Dodge Ram 2500 pickup truck was stolen from out in front of our house between the hours of 12 am and 5:45 am. Go figure. DH woke up this morning to feed the dogs and looked outside to see the moons reflection in his trucks window. No truck! Stolen in the wee hours of the night. Frick.

I hate being violated like this. Husband said it has not sunk in yet. He made a police report already, called to report it to the insurance and has since called family.

The police officer (very nice btw) said to get THE CLUB.

DH also told the doggies "Guard Dogs" that they are fired because they did not alert us last night to the truck leaving. The truck is a diesel and is loud, but we sleep hard and did not hear a thing just like the dogs.

Ugh. $500 deductible.
Rental car
Holy Shit.

APB on a silver king cab Dodge Ram 2500.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

ahhhhh, what a relief

WOW, what a great day. I went into this meeting with butterflies and shaky nerves, but thankfully I had my Rock of a husband by my side and he kept me grounded instead of shaking like a leaf with nerves and anticipation.

I wondered what I would wear, too dressy? too dressed down? Is my hair ok. Would she notice I don't wear make-up? Would she care how I needed a hair cut? Would she notice I did not have my glasses on? Nope, none of that became a worry as we pulled up in the parking lot. I know, you might say, gosh, she is being superficial, but it is honestly the way I felt when I was getting ready this morning. Would she like me for who I am? Yes indeed she did.

I hoped we would get there at the same time of the social worker and we were just a few minutes earlier than her. We waited in the parking lot for the s/w to show. We went in and sat for a few minutes just chatting until the birthmother showed up. Then, A hug started off the meeting. I love it. I had hoped we all might feel comfortable enough to give each other a hug on the way out, but she offered one right up out of the starting gate. Wow, talk about sweet gesture from her and the ice breaker I needed. I felt as though I have known her for a long time. The conversation lasted about 1 hour and a few minutes longer. We all ended with hugs again. I await her call for the time and location of her doctors appointment she invited us to attend this coming week with her. I was excited to know she wants us to be able to see an ultrasound of the baby. She wants us to experience things that we never got to knowing we could never carry a pregnancy this far along.

Speaking of this far along. The due date is exactly one month out. Yes, one month out.

Ok, I am felling like I am so much in a better place emotionally! Thanks to a wonderful meeting today. I prayed it would go well and it went better than I ever expected or anticipated.

I am glad I have read up on the open adoption book. It really helped me understand to an extent the emotions the birthmother is going through. I will never be able to fully understand what she is going through, but between her explaining her emotions to us today and talking with the social worker, I feel more at ease knowing she has a support system to help her through this. She has the s/w at her disposal if she needs to chat. She can call us and she has a doctor that understands adoption. Thankfully she has an great support system through her family too. I told my husband I am still nervous, but expectantly so with adoption in general. I will hope and pray that we keep moving forward to a birth and placement in a few weeks time. I can't wait to get to know the birthmother more and continue to offer her our support.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

getting nervous, in a good way

I like butterflies in the tummy, most times, well today is one of the more exciting times. See, this Saturday we are meeting w/ the social worker(s) from our adoption agency and she will be introducing us to a potential birthmother(pbm). Actually, This is the birthmother we were matched with a month or so back. We are trying to become more comfortable with the situation so we all decided to meet in person Saturday.

I am reviewing many sets of different topics to chat about with the pbm. I know if there is a lull in the conversation that the social worker will be there to help throw topics around. That makes me so comfortable. I have asked DH to think of some questions too.

I have tried 3 times to write this post, but I am scared I will jinx DH and I to not be able to have this potential situation work out. I know, you all might say I need to have confidence in myself, but I don't want to flub up and make the pbm mad or upset. I'll take the cues from the s/w and try to go with the flow on Saturday.

I have been reading the one book I posted about earlier(7/25/07) on open adoption, most likely if this situation would work out, it would continue to be an open adoption and this book will have been a huge help in knowing what to expect and anticipate. What a great purchase off amazon.

Meantime, DH and I are going to go looking at cribs this weekend. We have a crib in the nursery, but it is from my niece, who is now 14 years old! I would be ok with the crib, but the rail brace is broke and I don't want to risk our future child's life in a dangerous crib. So we will be seeking out a crib at either target or sears or babies r us. Any recommendations?


btw, my nephew is still in the hospital. Getting much better, but such a slow recovery. I hope he comes home soon. Thanks again for the prayers.

Another note, our friend, Natalie, had great news on her cancer journal today. YEAH!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

nephew still in the hospital

my nephew is going on week 4 of his hospital stay. 24 days in there and still more to come. He went in at 96 or so pounds and my sister said he is down to 73 lbs. OMG at 12 years old?!. He has got to get better. He is still not able to eat. Every time he goes off his iv meds his liver and kidney funtions go down. Nothing to eat by mouth yet. He tried the other day, but he was in too much abdominal pain to continue so they put him to a no eating order again. I am praying he can get back to a full function of eating orally and not through an IV.

His sister started high school this past Friday so I hope he can get home and get better so he can start his 7th grade year very soon.

prayers to him and I hope I can update you with a going home post for him soon.

Friday, August 17, 2007

cleaning house on a friday night?

Yes, that would be me. Well, actually, DH did a good job of it the day before, but I had my own duties to follow up on tonight. We are hosting Dh's immediate family tomorrow for a bbq/swim. Ahhhh, Great weather, great day for the pool (which still harbors some green stuff that no shock-it will kill after those freakin' hot days last week ).

I swear I wish I could justify hiring a cleaning lady to dust and vac a few times a week. Bahahaha. Dream on. I just can't spend that kind of money until I win the lottery(or should i say "we" win the lottery, Come on hubby, hit those big #'s).

I can't wait to have some good home delicious bbq tomorrow.

Yum.

I gotta charge up the camera so I can get a few snapshots of our two nieces and one nephew and DH's family.

I hate the prep for the bbq, but the reward is great to have everyone here.

Oh, I gotta remember to get out the envelope with names in it for drawing for the Christmas exchange.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

First pitch?

Yesterday, DH, myself and his whole family (immediate) went to the Dodgers vs. Cardinals game. We sat 1 row from the very very top of the stadium. Very very nice. We were out of the sun so we did not swelter too badly.

Upon entering the stadium gates we were given FREE t-shirts to each adult passing in the gates. Nice shirts. We enjoyed the game until the 2 run homer was given up in the top of the 9th... We valiantly tried to win it in the bottom of the 9th, but to no avail.

Meantime I brought the t-shirt home and went online to join the promotion that is on the sticker on the shirt to throw out the first pitch at a cardinals game. If you joined this promotion you had to say why you wanted to throw out the first pitch and I said I wanted to be able to overcome my fear of stage fright. Yes, Bad stage fright. If I would win the first pitch I would HAVE to go out onto the field and what better place than with the BEST Fans in the game of Baseball! Yes, I would let my beloved cardinals fans in the stands cheer me on and watch me throw out the first pitch. LOL One sure way to overcome my fear of stage fright. LOL.

I am working on some ebay stuff, stay tuned and I will try and post more on my other blog with new auction pictures.

My nephew is doing great apparently. Still in the hospital, but gaining strength each and every day. Thanks again for the continued prayers. I'll give my sister a call this afternoon to check on my nephew and I'll post an update in the AM so check back then.

Cheers to a great day and productive one at that.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Oh the innocent days of way back when

My Aunt (paternal) emailed me today with two pictures of when I was much much younger. I was sitting on the floor at (I think) my grandma's house holding and petting my Aunt's dog Missy. Oh Missy was funny. She loved to play and she also wore diapers. Yes, She was not spayed so she would go into heat and my Aunt would diaper her with real baby diapers (just a tail hole cut out) and would change them when needed. See, female dogs bleed when in heat, unlike humans bleed a menstrual cycle at the beginning of their cycle (not fertile yet). So here is the picture. I hope it turns out big enough to see it. If not, post and let me know.

Don'tcha like that funky 70's furniture? Nice Brown tweed couch and nice end / coffee tables too. And check out that children's rocker. I loved that rocker.

OMG.. I am going to have to go out to my Aunts house this winter and sit and scan all her photos of me as a youngster. I love these. They bring back so many innocent memories of my childhood. Ahhhhhh so fun.

thank you so much ladies and gents... prayers are powerful

I do believe they work and that is why I ask for them, or even the + vibes for healing if you are not the praying kind. My nephew is about the same as last night and did get a good night sleep without vomiting. An Immune Disease specialist has been called in from another top ranking childrens hospital to go over "S" case. They can't seem to get a grip on what is happening and need to get some extra specialites in there to look him over soon. Glad they are being so proactive.

Meantime we go on with life. I checked on "S's" two sisters and they are ok. I offered my company at home and they were fine without it. LOL... I am only 5 minutes away so they know to call ASAP if mom is at the hospital seeing S.

oh the Home front... DH and I are proud parents to 5 baby guppies. Yes, I am back into breading guppies for enjoyable pleasure so if you want any baby guppies in about 3 weeks let me know. FREE to a good home. I won't know their genders until 3 weeks maybe a few more longer. I love helping bring things to life. Love celebrating too.

That brings me to the quiet times with the agencies, no word from either on. Lets get the party on with our profiles out there. I like seeing some action. We welcome it.

Ok, off for a few winks then to work and a funeral home for a contract worker in my department. What an amazing man. 74, sadly died of a heart attack, but was doing his love, boating on the lake with his family. So crazy. Long lived life, yet shocking he had a heartattack after being so strict on his diet and all for years.

Going to dream a good dream or two before I have to head out into that heat tomorrow. If you work in the heat, I pray for you to seek comfort of the AC once in a while.

Monday, August 06, 2007

more prayers and healing thoughts if you can spare

My nephew is not doing so hot again today. He is bouting a huge infection (peritonitis) and now has high kidney counts again (bad) and his pancreas might have an absess on it. If the ultrasound shows anything this evening, they will schedule surgery again. Poor kiddo, he has been vomiting again. They put him on zophran again and phentenol for the pain. I hope they don't have to go back and do surgery again, maybe his body can fight off the infection and get things under control. Yesterday he was in a good mood, but was just so tired. He slept 1/2 the time we were there and slept through the machines beeping when empty.

I have been saying my prayers that he can recover quickly from this. So scary. My sister might lose her job over this also because she has not been employed there long enough for FMLA. Frick. We might have to get our legs about us and get a fundraiser set up soon for them. even with 80% of my nephews medical covered, 20% is still huge to pay out of pocket and plus one full time income lost as my sister is by his side 24/7.

Lord hear our prayers.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

thanks for the + thoughts and or prayers for my nephew

my nephew is in picu recovering from the surgery that removed his appendix and untwisting of his bowel. His surgery lasted around 4 hours late last night. He did not end up with a colostomy bag, thank goodness. He will remain in the picu for 3 or so more days and then will be in the hospital for another 2 weeks or so. Thank goodness that his kidneys are back to functioning better, thank goodness they untwisted his bowel without necrosis and thank goodness he is on the road to feeling better.

Thank you for the prayers and + thoughts for him. He is a strong 12 year old and has given his fair share of trouble, but deserves to recover from this 100%.

I plan on going up to see him once he is out of the picu as only immediate family is allowed in the picu. I plan on making him a card and taking it up with me after he is out of the picu.