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Tuesday, May 31, 2005

22 guage 1 1/2 needle.....

that was just sunk into my buttox by my DH... yes... shot #3 of E2V estrodile delestogen shots for this FET prep. I went in today for my B/W and US... got to the office.. handed them my paperwork for the future if needed for a fresh IVF cycle and also instructions for cryopreservation... then I was called back for my bloodwork by MK.. she said ... "so I hear you are a hard stick" meaning... my veins are NOT nice to the needle for blood draws. LOL I replied..."Yup, Good luck" and God is she good.. First Stick. I love her.. I LOVE HER... It is crazy to say that I could love someone for being able to stick me once with a needle for a vial of blood... OMG.. this is a wonderful change from the previous cycles I have had to deal with.. 3 sometimes 4 sticks for one vial of blood hurts. WAY TO GO MK!

Sooooo then I thought I was to wait around for an US.. I went to sit down and was told "See you Friday for your next E2 draw.. but no US again until Sunday the 5th. ." WOW.. YEAH.. .NO date with Mr Wand? OMG.. I acutally miss Mr. Wand.. What is up with that? See, in a fresh IVF cycle you can have up to 10 or more US's to check the follie and lining growth.. but we are not concerned with follies this time, just the E2 to build the lining and I am pretty sure with all the CM that it is building just fine. LOL

Sooooo while sitting waiting for my b/w this AM.. I hear the nurse call back 2 different people that I am cycle buds with at SIRM... we all post on the same board on the internet for support .. Dang it, I should have said something to them, but they were up and moving fast to the back US rooms. LOL

Ok, back to relax... well, surf Ebay... or watch some junk tv.

Monday, May 30, 2005

moving on down..

I am trying to figure out this picture posting issue of my pictures being HUGE... Hmmmm




space.. trying to get them to scroll down.


drab tv

gosh.. TV today stunk. I wanted to sit down and relax after a nice day outside in the yard doing work... but no.... there was not a worth while program on. Nada. Zilch. Sooooo now I am back on the pc and doing the wrong thing... EBAY... oh gosh.. who ever gave me premission to buy off that place?

Well, it does support my habit of BEADING...

it is fun, but can be expensive. This is the mother's bracelet I make for a friend how had success with IF.

bracelet I made my MIL!

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Beautiful Day...

Wow, in the last 2 days I have gotten so much stuff done. Cleaned the house(not top to bottom, but enough to rid the dog hair) and then have done so much outside yard work it is really starting to look like a house I can invite folks over to.

DH opened the swimming pool today.. might take a few days to get it really in an "open" status due to some holes we had in the cover leaked leaves and dirt into the water. That takes a few shocks to clean up and a few vac runs to clean the leaves.

My veggie garden is being planted in about 20 minutes. I will have 4 different types of tomatoes. Cherry, Roma, Big boy and a nice hybrid. 2 cucumber vines and 3 different pepper plants... 2 green and 1 red. YEAH. I love veggies and it is so liberating knowing I CAN GROW them. I picked about 50 cucumbers last year and ate them and gave them away then the tomatoes I loved and ate raw and had them on my salads and also gave them to neighbors and co-workers. I might try my hand at some spinach.. not sure yet. It is kinds getting late for that planting to happen though.

Ok, back to work ... Hope you all are having a wonderful Holiday weekend.

Oh, on the TTC front.. AF is GONE GONE GONE.. YEAH. June 10th here we come. I go back in Tuesday morning for my scan and B/w and then 2 more E2 shots this week to come and then prep for the transfer. I sure hope and pray we can get at least 2 of our 3 embies to thaw for a good transfer.

Oh, since I can't do baby aspirin, I will be on the heparin in the 2ww, did I post that already? bahahahaha, my mind is lost.

Back to work.

Friday, May 27, 2005

signs signs everywhere there are signs...

I am folding laundry tonight, yup-such a boring life that stayed home from work today and did nothing so I am doing laundry at this hour on a Friday night-what a life, I hang up dh's shirt, pants, my great second hand finds.....and what do I find????????????????

a child's sock. White ankle sock for a child maybe the age of 3 or 5 yrs old. Hmmmmmmmm

See, when going through IF, I tend to take signs of things like this and analyze them..... like asking if this is a GOOD sign for our inching into this FET cycle for it to help towards a + outcome? hehe of course I think crazy like that, but hey, if it brings on the positive thoughts and feelings more power to me.

I asked DH whos sock was it, he got a strange wrinkle between his eye brows and shrugged his shoulders like he did not know, well of course he did not, but it was funny to ask him.

Maybe this is a good sign?


Thursday, May 26, 2005

clots clots and more clots...

ewwww, this is gross so if you wish not to read.... you have been warned.

last night I passed several clots...frist this was a clot around the size of a half dollar and thick as 1/2 inch.. ugh.. I could feel something happening... lots of contraction like cramps. I passed a clot and now I just have cramps and bright bleeding. What is the world is my body doing?

should I call them, the doc? I will see in the AM if it is still bad, but for now I am heading to bed to lay down.

I give... I can't predict anything this body is trying to do. LOL

I hope it is nothing serious.

Thursday morning update.... I am ok now.. just crampy and small amounts of tissue passing now.. I can't get a grip on what my body is trying to do. This scares the chit out of me to even try and get pg with this stuff happening. Oh Lord hear our prayers to get us pregnant with this FET and keep a baby growing inside of me for 8 -9 months without incident. Please?

Ok, off to work. Hey, it is chinese food day. YEAH... one good reason to go into work. LOL

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Just an "EFF" that mood....

have you ever gotten into one of those EFF- it moods while doing the ttc thing? Last night it just hit me. You know, I have been good over the last few years of not gaining weight , trying to eat right, I did loose a few lbs back when I was not cycling... I take my vitamins... I go by the book, no drinks in the cycle... etc... and still we have not had success. So a few nights ago I had some wine. I ate chips and salsa... I was not the best when it came to being a good food conscious eater. I was in an EFF it mood.
DH agreed with me last night.

Isn't it crazy what we put ourselves through? I know it will reap
rewards in the end to keep on trying, but dang, I am tired of being the "Ms. Goodie-two-shoes" in all this.

Sorry, I had to vent. I Just wondered if you ever when through thesefeelings while ttc?

Hope your day is going well. I wish I were outside in the beautiful

One E2 shot down and 3 to go up to the 3rd of June.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

all clear for take off....

I am cyst free and lining is thin and ready to be pumped with E2.... My body listened.

I start my E2 shots in the pm tonight and keep on my 5u of lupron each morning through this cycle.

(Monday)I am so lucky to have a new doc that I am confortable with already. I swear, we get along so well. He walked into the exam/us room and immediately wanted to shake my hand. Very upbeat.... I asked him if it was fun being the local Celeb on the news spot over the weekend.. and he was surprised I had said that. LOL he did a small segment on Low Ovarian Reserve in ttc... Pretty good story that even being 28-30 yrs old, you can have success with low ovarian reserve.

Sooooo, he does the US and checks the lining... All is well, it is a thin lining which is a good start to the cycle.. thus that is the reason my AF is aloof, near non-existant. LOL Which is an ok thing since I am on lupron still. Then he checked my ovaries and I have lots of antral follies ready to get my body in shape for this FET... Oh, I forgot to ask him, do they want me to ovulate in the FET cycle? hmmm, I will have to ask them when I drop off some paperwork DH needs to inital in the next few days.

After that he turned on the light and asked me if I had any questions.. YUP, of course I do... I hate it when I don't have my list of things to ask, but I did remember 2 of 3 big things... #1 was that since I am allergic to aspirin, what will he do to supplement my cycle? He said we will be doing either Heparin or Lovanox(sp?) in the 2ww and hopefully beyond into pgcy. YEAH.. #2 ? was about how many to transfer and what did he think our thaw rate will be with 3 beautiful expanded frozen day 6 blasts???? He said the thaw rate should be great and really hopes for at least 2 of the 3 to make it... he then said we needed to get my embies transferred to his lab, but I told him that has already taken place. SOOO he went out immediatly and got my frozen embie report to put in my file from the lab director at his office.

Ok, rambling.. sorry.

I had a great day.. I am to start my E2V shots tomorrow evening.. IM shots so DH gets to be involved with this cycle finally. LOL I am excited and nervous too, but blind to what an FET is all about so I take each step with a new renewed breath of fresh air.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

To tease or not to Tease.....

That is the statement of the day... not the question.... Today is Sunday..My FET calendar read to "expect period" on either Friday or Saturday... Well, look at the date I am posting this.... SUNDAY.. HELLO BODY.. Listen to the damn calendar already. Listen to what the nurse and doc need you to do. I can't give you anymore subliminal hints to CATCH ON TO the INSTRUCTIONS the office is giving you NOW. Cousin Spot is now almost GONE... I need the flood gates to open up now. I can only ask so much of this body, but damnitalready... listen. If I can't get a cycle in now for a transfer on 6/10/05 then I won't be able to cycle this month. Or maybe for another 3 months. Co-worker dictates what time I can have off since she has 25 years of service in at the job and has the First pick of when she can take off. She has vacation at the end of June and is also set to be off for when her daughter has her frist child in either late July or early August. If I can only be the one pregnant and needing time off. UGH.

Sorry to rant, it is just that I am on this DANG Loopy Lupron and it is playing havoc on my moods and my swollen overdue AF body.

Ok, went to my bil's for his bday party today and I enjoyed it. My niece and nephew were there... 4.7 yrs old and 2.5 yrs old respectfully.... I really loved being in their company today.. kinda gives me hope that DH and I are almost there... ready to become parents to a child we will be blessed with soon. I loved the fun comments they both had for situations they were in today.. funny and it kept me LOL.

Ok, off to read my book for the book club that is due tomorrow night.. Ooppsss, I am on page 120 and it is a 400 page book... oops.. don't think I will finish this one either.


First US and B/w tomorrow AM to determine how this cycle will go.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

what? gone? nope.. just lazy ....

you got that right. I am lazy and have failed to post an update for a while. These are the snapshots of what has been happening...

Last Saturday the 14th I started that lovely Loooopppyyyy LUPON for our FET cycle. I started with 10u a day also taking bcp's on top of that so man was I getting moody. I stopped bcp's Wed night and then dropped down the Lupron from 10 u to 5u a day.. YEAH.. less chances for a headache from hell then. I am so bloated and I have the MAJOR PMS'ing munchies. Girls, you know that when you PMS... DON'T to go KRISPY KREME! FRICK... I did and now I regret it, but since I bought those damn addictive things home, you know I have to eat them now. Bahahahahahahaha

Yesterday or Today is the "Should expect Period" suggestion on my FET calendar. Well, today is 1/2 over and AF is NOT here yet. Frick.. what am I to do to get this body to understand that I NEED AF to show... You know, we women that are ttc NEVER want AF to show in the 2ww, but when we are in prep to these once in a YEAR cycles that I get to do, I NEED AF NOW and DAMN IT ALREADY she needs to show. Frick.. I want her to show and NOW she has decided to take a vacation... Ok, maybe I should go put on my favorite WHITE pair of shorts and maybe that will bring her on? (side note to those reading... I am a tubeless wonder (lost both tubes to ectopics) so no, we are NOT able to get pg so don't think that the fun DH and I have can ever give us a means to procreate! Sad, but true)


I am so lazy today... I went yard saling, but now am tired so I have no energy to do any house work and let me tell you the dust bunnies are actually making the dogs jump when they blow across the floor from the swirl of the ceiling fan. AHAHAHAHAHa....

Dust bunnies here consist of DOG HAIR. 3 dogs, who the frick gave us permission to have 3 dogs in this here house? If I wear a WHITE outfit, my 2 black dogs leaves traces of themselves on me.. IF I wear dark colors, my other blonde dog leaves her traces on me too. Thank goodness for a whirlwind vac and those lovely Masking Tape type Lint rollers. Ahhhhhhh. I have one in my car, at work, at home, in the camper.

Ok, off to go veg on the couch. Today was a wonderful day... now I have to look forward to house work tomorrow AM and then if the weather (rain expected) clears, to go outside and trim those WILDASS burning bushes out front so I don't look like the HOOSIER house on the block like some of my other city folk neighbors. Oh and I plan on planting my garden too if I can get to the local HomeDepot store. Tomatoes, cucumbers, red peppers, green peppers, and maybe some home grown spinach. Yum

Later, until I am not so lazy I can get myself up and type a new updated message. :)

Oh, I have my first FET US and B/w scheduled for Monday at 8 am .. I sure hope it is good news and also that I can make it to work by 8:30.. Yikes.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

my dream job???? maybe not, but one day I will be

a NURSE. I would be good at it. I would be good with patients. I would be a WONDERFUL Infertility NURSE or US tech. I will be.... get it??? I WILL BE. I am going to consider changing my career goal and become a nurse or an US tech. I can't stand this anymore. I might have to take a few years to complete my degree, but I will do it. I am going to achieve my life long goal to help others in the medical field. I AM NEVER TOO OLD TO DO THIS.

When I was a child/kid, people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up... 2 things I replied with to their questions... One would be a firefighter... well, I know damn well I am in no shape to even think about that and honestly I would never be able to live in a firefighter suit if on the job. TOOO FRICKIN' hot. My cousin is a firefighter for the City of St. Louis and I admire his will to do that. He works hard and saves lives and sometimes sadly loses a life of a victim. I don't want to deal with that. Second reply to the person asking would always be A NURSE.... well there are different option in being in the medical field and now having experienced IF myself, I honesly deep down believe I would be a wonderful help in the medical side of the infertility treatments for those that seek to become parents. I can do this because I know I will be a parent no matter if it is with success with treatments myself of IVF or through adoption.

DH agrees with me. My sister and mom both have said they think I should start going to school NOW. I couldn't agree more.

I have not talked to too many people about this, but on my way home from the local Resolve meeting tonight, I thought about it and it came to me... JUST CAME TO MY HEART that this is what I want to do.

IT is a weight lifted off my shoulders. I am at a point in my life that if I can't find a career in what I WANT to do, I will be forever stuck in this job I am in now... no advancement opportunities, sitting behind a desk for 8.5 hours a day and answering the stupid cold sales calls coming into my boss I work for. Don't get me wrong... people would DIE for the job I have and would do so to have it for the cushion to retire on, but I want excitement, I want to be there to help others achieve their goals or try to at least to become parents. Dang... this is a great feeling.

Ok, besides this NEW FOUND HOPE and goal, I am in the middle of a new Frozen Embryo Cycle. I am on bcp's now and I start taking my LUPRON (LOOPY LUPRON) this Saturday morning. YEAH. I am set to have our embryo transfer on 6.10.2005. YEAH again. I will promise to post more updates now that I am not in school and working 2 jobs. Summer vacation time.

Glory is in the air.