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Sunday, June 29, 2008

camping.... that is what the doc called for

and we took her advice. DH took off Thursday AM and took both doggies to St. Francis State Park in MO. Our sweet daughter and I met them down there Friday evening and so enjoyed our weekend. No, No alcoholic drinks for me from the stress of this past week so no, sorry, no stories of drunkenness to share. Ha. Although my sleeping pill sometimes makes me feel a little drunkenness when I take a full 10 mg pill, which I did Friday night. It was DH's turn to watch Julia! We rotate nights out so it was his night to keep a sleep ear out to the monitor for the receiver next to Julia's pack-n-play set up in the back of the camper. I got a great night sleep. Ahhhhhh.

Saturday we went to the "beach" on the Big River, which btw is not high from any type of flooding. I was able to get Julia in the water and then sat in the shallow area while she insisted on trying to pick up a hand full of rocks and trying to shove them all in her wee little mouth, but no, instead she got to throw a hissy fit because mommy kept knocking those rocks out before she could get them. Mommy then found one big rock and let her play with that. Then there was an attention getter for her, a 5 month old puppy playing in the water. Oh she loved that. (heck, they both loved that). We watched "angel" play and play with the owner and a ball she would chase.

Saturday evening after eating dinner, the 3 of us went for a nice walk and then stroll up to the playground.
This is what Julia found up there.... A swing!

Friday, June 27, 2008

come on and sing along with me

when you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.....
when you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.....

my face surely shows it.... I'm happy because my mammo results are NOT BAD... I am a fibrocystic dense tissue woman and proud of it. That is all. No lumps visible on mammo, just dense tissue. YEAH.... follow up physical exam from the gyn/doc brings an agreement I am all clear of any lumps or mammo visible spots! No worries about that damn C word.

THANK YOU for all the + thoughts.

Now go enjoy your freaking weekend, I sure am.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

confused and scared....(update on mammogram)

Well, The initial reports the day of my mammo last week were "all clear" from the in house at the time radiologist.... then the docs office calls 2 days later and says "all clear" then I get my letter in the mail from department of radiology and it says "evaluation of your mammogram reveals findings that need further study. Results of this exam have been sent to your doctor listed above. We recommend (checked) more exams and clinical correlations."

WTF.... my head is spinning.


I know, I know, this most likely is nothing since I have fibrocystic breast tissue, it most likely means that they want radiology to do an ultrasound to make sure they cannot see anything.

Oh please let it be nothing.

I got this letter this evening so it was too late to call the doc's office, of course.

deep breath. (see my post 3 posts back about my appointment and you will know why I am confused... LOL)

Monday, June 23, 2008

infertility and adoption support in St. Louis

I am a volunteer for this group in St. Louis for infertility and adoption support groups..... please consider attending even if you just want to listen......


Hello all! We have several announcements to pass along to you.

1. Our next "Stories of . . ." seminar will be on June 25, 2008. The topic will be "Stories of Successful Domestic Adoptions," and our panel will include 2 adoptive mothers and a birthmother. This will be an excellent meeting for anyone who is thinking about adoption, in the process, or has become a parent through adoption. Remember that this meeting is open to the public, and we encourage you to bring along family members and friends, as well. For more information on time and location, please visit our website at http://www.infertilityandadoption.org/. We hope to see you there!

2. There will be no meetings in July.

3. All meetings will resume in August. Our SOS meeting will be on August 27, 2008. The topic will be "Stories of Loss in Infertility and Adoption."

4. Our website forum is up and running, and seems to be fairly active recently. This forum is a great way to receive continued support in between meetings. Please check it out.

5. Our Lending Library list has been completely updated on our website. Please check it out at www.infertilityandadoption.org. If you would like to borrow any items, please email me, and I will make sure to have it at the SOS mtg on June 25. Please remember that only members may borrow books from our library. Also, if you have any recommendations for additions to our library, please email them to me and we will work on adding them to our library. In addition, IAS has a wish list on Amazon.com. The name of our wish list is "IAS Library" and on it you will find a list of books that you may purchase and donate to our lending library.

6. Another easy way to support our organization is to use the search engine Goodsearch at www.goodsearch.com. Simply go to their website, enter Infertility and Adoption Support as your designated cause, and then use Goodsearch for all your searches. For every search that you do, we will receive a donation.

7. Lastly, we hope that you will consider becoming a member of IAS and/or volunteering a little bit of your time to help us out, if you have not already done so. All of your membership dues are used to bring you the various meetings and seminars that we offer and we always welcome new faces to help out with our various events throughout the year.

We look forward to seeing you on June 25.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

coupon links this week

I get these from: (click the picture for her blog)

Sweet coupons this week.

Now mind you.. I didn't print all of the coupons she links to because I don't shop by coupons.. I shop for the items I need and several of them (peanuts, brownie mix, icing mix, bisquick, yogurt, suddenly salad and cheerios/cereal for DH and Julia. I need to browse the ads today to see which grocery stores (and maybe walmart or target) have these items on sale too.

Ok, off to clip my Sunday ad coupons if there are any. Oh please let there be diaper and wipes coupons.

Friday, June 20, 2008

ouch, that one really stung

Today was my appointment for my annual gyn exam. Eventhough my doc is an ob/gyn, I don't see him for the OB side of things anymore because I don't have my uterus to be on the reproductive side of things. I think I really need to find a doc that deals only with gyn issues... know of one?

I get there at 9:20 hoping to get in and out with a pass for the boob pancake smasher later next week. Well at 10:10 am still no doc. 10:25 am I overhear the receptionist tell a newly entered patient who's appointment was way behind mine, that "oh, doc T had to go do a delivery at the hospital (next door) and he will be a while. 10 minutes later she opens the window and yells at us patients of his and said Dr. T wants everyone to reschedule. WHAT? Yes, my luck. Well, I had tried for 2 months to get this appointment and lately with a scare of finding a lump up under my arm and very much tenderness in both breasts, I insisted I stay and see someone else. I was not going to reschedule when Dr. T was available (which would have been after July 9th). So I was asked to take a seat and they finally said that the nurse practitioner would see me. nearly 45 minutes later the nurse came to get me, weighed me (down 8 lbs from 2 weeks ago, YEA me!) and then set me up for the NP to come in. Drape over the lap and smock over shoulders that opens in the front, you know, Those lovely paper items that make you feel oh so comfortable! NOT.......

Lowandbehold, I know the new Nurse practitioner. She attends the local adoption support group. She immediately asked me if I was ok.... Ummmm NO.. and I began sobbing. OMG... I did not realize that sitting in that lobby of the docs office with all these pregnant ladies would bother me so much now that I know I can never physically have a baby (read: partial hysterectomy in May 2005). She grabbed my hand and just squeezed it to let me know she GETS IT, She UNDERSTANDS my pain. God I just wanted to grab her and give her a hug for listening, caring and being there for me and NOT shedding one tear either. Bah I felt better and then we got down to the business of everything. Several different positions to have her take her time for each breast to examine here I am having pain. I did not have apparent lumps in my breasts, but pain... lots of it. Caffeine? Maybe too much, hormones... MOST LIKELY cause of the pain and plus she agreed that with carrying Julia around, who is nearly 18 lbs by now, could be making the muscles of the breast sore and thus symmetrical pain setting in. BUT she did feel the lump in my right arm pit lymph area and agreed it needed to be looked at by Mammography and if needed, ultrasound.

Next area of concern was that my abdominal pain is back and hurting bad at different points of my cycles, Yes, I still go through a hormonal cycle even though I don't have my uterus. So she did my pap exam and said she can't feel my ovaries by manual exam. She asked me to go have an ultrasound today too. She wants to make sure my ovaries are visable and maybe they are adhered to the wrong areas of the abdomen, thus causing some pain. She agrees the endometirosis is most likely back so we know the answer to that one.... surgery. No, I don't want that right now and I'll deal with the endo pain for a few more months before I have to consider surgery.

Abdominal ultrasound was scheduled for 1 pm so I left and went to the St. Luke's gourmet cafeteria. Did I mention that I have done this routine when I was back doing fertility treatments with Dr. Pearlstone? I would go in for one procedure around lunch and then have to stick around for another ultrasound or something after lunch so I made the track to the cafe several times over my years of treatments too. Fun. NOT. Yummy food.... NOT.

I went to go into the exam room around 1:20 pm for this internal ultrasound and I found Dr. T coming out of his office. We briefly caught up and I showed him my proud pictures of Julia. I could tell he was happy for us and relieved we had finally reached our goal of becoming parents. He told me to call him after the mammogram next week for results. He also said to think about surgery for the endo and lets see what this Ultrasound results for the lost ovaries. Bahhhhh.
Mr Wand (as we called the probe all through our treatment years) was not so gentle to my vajajaja.. OUCH. The US tech winced with me. YOUCH.. it still makes me cringe thinking about that pain. She did find both of my ovaries after some digging and I told her I was pre-ovulation so I could see all the follies growing. Dang, I had at least 5 on the right side and 4 on the left.. NO BIG CYSTS. YEAH. No other signs of troubles in there so I was given the pass to go.

NExt stop was the breast mammography center. Thank goodness this was all the same hospital campus. I got a good walking exercise going to a few different offices. I waited maybe 20 minutes before I was taken into the boob smashing machine room. Even with much newer technology, dang, it still hurts to get them smashed views like that. and now they can get your inner arm pit in the view too so that is even much more uncomfortable .. YOUCH again.

The tech told me she would have the radiograph tech read them ASAP to know if we needed to go to ultrasound too. I waited maybe another 10 minutes and they said I have the all clear and if the pain persists in the boob tissue to consider seeing an internist for possible symptoms of muscles and tissue disorders. Oh fun. Yes, yet another thing to worry about. At least the films on initial view were clean of any possible cancerous spots or a need to biopsy. I do have very fibrocystic tissue breasts so they said that this pain can happen and maybe find the internist to help with pain management. I will do that. As far as the lump in my arm pit, they thing it could be a inflamed ingrown hair. EWWWWWW, but I'll take that any day over a lump that needs to be removed!!!!!!! they told me to keep a close eye on it for any growth or change in size.

Ok, I love my body as it makes life possible, but man I hate these worries like this since there is such a persistent result of death in my family on both sides from differing cancer diagnosis. Can you tell why I freak out now at the slightest thing?!

Ok, if you read this whole thing.. .I commend you.

If you are a woman and are reading this novel, PLEASE DO YOUR SELF BREAST EXAM tomorrow!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

results of my coupon clipping.....

Target was my place of shopping last night. No, I did not feel like driving at 9 pm to another store for slightly cheaper costs when the stores were going to close within that hour anyway.

My costs were $131.89, My taxes were $6.84 at 7.7410% and another 4.6409% for $1.41/ Tax total was 8.25, my coupons rang up to 5.00 total so I nearly covered 3/4 of my taxes to be paid. No bad. I wish I had more, but a bunch of my items were Target brand. I had to buy a bath mat because my dog ate the other one (really!) when she accidentally locked herself in the bathroom the other day while we were at work. At least she didn't eat my new cabinets in there! So that was a large cost, plus we got target brand formula for Ms. Julia, Bottle liners (again target brand), Floss (which I can only use crest glide and can never find a coupon for that) and crest toothpaste( my coupon was expired and Target won't let me use that one, believe me, I tried). Target brand paper towels, napkins and last my HUGE cost was my Fusion Razor blades for my "lady" razor I use. That company never has coupons for the Fusion brand. Heck, I think I'll call them to get them to start producing coupons in the Sunday ads.

Ok, not a bad coupon day. I get to go grocery shopping later this week so I'll see what I can save.

Shop for products, not for the item you have coupons for and try the store brand... maybe, just maybe it might work for you on some things.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Do you clip?

my sister is the coupon queen and she does not even play the grocery game. She has never heard of it until I mentioned it to her last night. She and I went to the local in town thrift stores and then to shop-n-save for a few quick groceries. She never shops without coupons, but She does not shop for products according to the coupons in the paper. She clips, organizes them in this huge coupon box and then shops per need of items and she continually checks her box to see if she has a coupon. Last night she shopped for items for the trip to the lake today. She spent $55.xx dollars and had $6.00 in coupons. WOW. That is huge.

My goal for shopping is to have coupons to cover the taxes I pay to the store for either sundries or groceries. For example, I plan on buying Julia's supply of diapers and wipes. My sister clipped huggies diaper coupons and pampers sensitive wipes coupons. I will use those against my total bill and it will cut my tax costs. I hope to go through my coupon (zip lock bag) envelope and find a crest toothpaste coupon or paper towel coupon. I see the Ads in this Sunday paper has a beechnut baby food coupon. I plan on using that at Schnucks because they finally started carrying state 3 beechnut items. Gerber is so expensive and is hardly ever on sale.

When I do online coupons, some companies do require you to install a printer software. If you don't feel comfortable doing this then don't. I watch what their terms of service calls for (installing spy ware basically ) in ways of installing things on your computer with downloading the printer software. Coupons.com is a good place to print from. I too have never tried the grocery game, but I am going to talk to my friend ab out how it works for her. Do you do the grocery game? If so, let me know so maybe we can chat about it.

DO you use coupons? If so, share some of your secrets with me please!

Cost cutting is a must with gas prices so high now and clipping coupons for certain items we need really does help in the long run.

Friday, June 13, 2008

plans change .. dang rain

science center it is instead. 10 am

ugh.. dang rain changes our plan, but we plan on having fun anyway.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Parenting joys of watching my girl grow up so fast

Ok, another Julia first.

I dropped her off at my sisters house the other day. First thing J wants to do is sit on the floor by the back door and look out at her two dogs. My sister immediately picks up the dog food bowl and water next to the door inside, but I noticed Julia had something in her hand right as my sister moved away with the bowls. Her hand instantly went up to her mouth, as it does with anything she picks up, YES, you guessed it... DOG FOOD. ewwwww

I was quick enough to sweep it out of her mouth. Thank goodness.

She is being persistent about crawling behind the end table next to the couch and finding the electrical cords on the lamp. phone, etc... I will have to zip tie them up, but the laptop I can't do that to. How the heck can I keep her out of these cords?

We are hoping the weather is nice on Friday. Please please please don't rain on our parade to Grants Farm. If it does rain, I don't know what we will do. My thoughts (along with my sisters) are to go to the Science Center, but everyone and their brother will be there too.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

her first swim in our pool

Julia just took her first swin in our pool. DH took some pictures, but I'll have to load them from his camera later. Also, I'll be sure to get him to take a few of her alone in her floater (which btw, she hates!!!!) while screaming bloody murder to get out. LOL She did fine if I held her and let her play with the new squirt toys I got for her from kohl's Thursday night.

I need to look into swim lessons. I am a great swimmer and can teach her well, but I do want her to go through lessons since we have a pool in our yard. I wish I could take these lessons. Infant / toddler survival techniques in the pool, but man I can't afford to pay for those.

Yard sales were ok today, not the greatest of bargains except today I scored a little tikes country cottage Play house for Julia. I know, she is too little to use it yet, but for 20.00 how could i pass it up? YES, 20 dollars. I had to take it apart and bring it home in DH's truck, but I could not pass up a bargain. L'll have vto power spray it the week, but a good item for playtime in a few months. I got her some books and some small teethers that were new.

major house cleaning this week.

oh, get this, my neighbors house is up for sale and has been empty for a few months now. She called me to tell me her house was broken into last week and the thieves stole all the copper pipes out of the house. YIKES. police told her that her house was one of three in our neighborhood that was robbed of just the copper pipes. One house was occupied when it happened at night. WHAT? How the hell did that resident not hear it?

Friday, June 06, 2008

Reading to our daughter, talking about her lifebook

No, I am not a scrapbooker, but I can tell a good story. This story starts at an early age for Julia about her birthmother and her birthmothers blessing she has given in having selected us to become her adoptive parents for the rest of her life. Her MOM and DAD. I am again picking up the book 20 things adoptive kids wish their adoptive parents knew and it has really stirred the thoughts in my mind of when DH and I will really start feeling comfortable to give that explanation of how she grew in her tummy mommy's belly and how we were all at the hosptial the day she was born, including her birthgrandmother and her birth siblings came later to see her along with both birthfamil.y friends and our family and friends. Such a loved and welcomed little girl. I hope she knows that we will never stop showering her with love from all sides of her immediate family and extended birth family.

We plan on telling Julia her birth story and letting her decide when it is appropriate for share what she feels comfortable with sharing. This is HER lifebook story and I'll alreays remember it, but I will let her know she can keep it to herself or if she wills to, she can share it with any one person or many as she chooses to do so. THere are certain things that are not made public even with such an open adoption agreement. It is out of respect that we don't share those things and honestly Julia is entitled to be the first to know those things. At this point in life it might be 2 or 4 years before she understands the simplest explanation of who she came from and how much they all love her so and how much we love her no matter what.

Those of you that adopted, how has it fallen in line for age of when you started really explaining things to your child about their birthmother/father and family? Just curious to see how it varies in ages.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Doggie Heaven is a happy place in my mind (Lindsey went there tonight)

I have always pictures doggie heaving to be a happy care free frolic filled place for doggies that suffered before they went there. They feel no more pain, they are happy and fulfilled and lay in the grass with their favorite bone to chew on with almost a smile on their face. Wagging their tails at the sight of another fancy free puppy friend.

After preliminary rounds of blood work this morning and another round this evening, our decision to put Lindsey to sleep was set. Doggie heaven is her new residence. Suspected intestinal cancer. We plan on having her cremated.

I am glad she has a fur-sister up in heaven to join along with her 3 other fur-kitty-sisters. I cried, DH cried and even the Vet cried. That really touched me when Dh had asked me after we left if I had seen that the vet was also crying. I had not seen that, but what a caring man he is. Lindsey was in the best possible care over night and now we know she is in a safe cancer free place too.

Give your furbabies a hug from me. We have 2 furdoggies at home that I wonder if they will really miss Lindsey.

Lindsey, thank you for those many years of great joy and rough-housing. I'll never forget your quirks, I'll never forget that you were queen of the furbabies in the house and I'll never forget how you loved being a model big sister to your other sisters

thanks to you all for caring and the notes you left and sent.

Monday, June 02, 2008

if you can send some healing vibes for my doggie..

TMI WARNING>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>TMI WARNING>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

a very sick Lindsey is at the Vet overnight due to vomiting and now bloody stools and vomit. If you could spare a healing thought for her, we sure would appreciate it. Lindsey is 10 years old and my love I rescued at 9 weeks old at the flea market in Wentzville. I don't want her to go, but she is so sick. No intestinal blockage by x-ray so it could be viral intestinal or a parasite or even pancreatic. Yikes. She is hooked up to IV's and been given a shot or two to calm the nausea. I so hope she can make it, but the blood work tomorrow morning might help us make that decision. Cancer is my fear, but we don't know yet so I'll hold out hope. My other two pups are lost without her here at home.

She was a product of my heartache days of Infertility starting and she was my rock and my fun to have on my down days after and or during my miscarriages (if you can find any way to have fun while going through such a heartache, she is the one to help you through it).

Here she is: