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Friday, September 23, 2005


I took the day off. I have worked 67.5 hours last week and this week I put in 62.5 hours. I am off tonight so I can join my family camping at Mark Twain Lake for the weekend. Ahhhhh, feel the relaxing. Work is good. I took to the phones last night by myself after the phones got busy and took my mentor off to take her own calls. I think I did ok. I am still unsure of some things, but they will be learned over time.

Yet again, some of our offices in LA are in the path of this next hurricane, but not directly so far. If the hurricane stays west of the TX/LA line then we should be ok. Prayers to everyone involved in both states.

As far as the IVF cycle, I go in today at 3 pm to get my calendar to go over our cycle of when we start lupron, stims and such. I expect to do retrieval around the 28th or 29th of Oct. and possibly a Halloween day transfer!

I am getting excited, but also staying reserved to an extent. Being the 5th IVF fresh cycle, I am prepped on the most part of what to expect, but this is a new clinic for this fresh cycle so I am anticipating a few things to be slightly different.

I miss bloggin' I miss you all. I miss being online but I can't do that from work as they monitor us there now. Dang.

Next week should be a good week except for work..... WE found out yesterday that things are changing at our place of business.... merging with several other clubs and this could bring on LAYOFFS. I hope and pray that my job is not in the path of layoffs. If and only IF my boss RETIRES early then I would be in harms way, but you never know so my guard is up. With this hurricane and such costs of cleanup and claims, I fear layoffs of our sales force and travel departments. BUT if we merge with a company that already has an IT staff support then we would be in trouble. UGH. I hate limbo. I have to call into my co-worker in about an hour to see what the president said in their memo and MEET THE PRESISENT briefing meeting we are all attending over the next 3 days. I don't go to that meeting until Monday, but should know what is going on when I call my work to get the Email update. Wish us luck. I can't go without working. I have to know if we are secure in our jobs for now. We sure don't need this stress going into a cycle. HA.

More later or on Sunday when I get back from camping.

Bottoms up.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

14 years.... really?

this past week, my husband and I celebrated (well not really since I worked all day and night at the job) our 14th wedding anniversary.

Sept 14th, 1991 was a VERY VERY HOT DAY. 94 degrees in ST. Louis. HOT, HUMID, with a church wedding (grade school church I grew up at) and a reception for 200 in my parents back yard on the same street as the church. St. Margaret of Scotland Church. A typical Catholic reception that killed 4 1/2 barrels of beer and 6 cases of cans of beer too. LOL Ask DH about the beer bongs he did that night at our reception.. ask him if he remembers ME driving his sad drunk ass to the hotel after the reception?! BUT he does rememeber what we did that night. HA

So since we did not get to celebrate our 14th anniversary together.... we are going to go to Las Vegas next year in 2006 to celebrate the HUGE milestone of 15 years. We will renew our vows. We will be remarried in an ELVIS chapel .... not sure which one... we will have a blast!

Happy 14th anniversary my dear hubby.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

changes are sometimes not beneficial

I made more work for myself and I hate that.

I changed my name on this blog so I can reply with a name related to my blog and to have an email attached. Well, when I did that, for some odd reason (user problem obviously but don't want to admit it,LOL) I locked myself out of my own blog. Damn. LOL I had to work all week long from 8:30 am to 11 pm so my brain was fried this week and it took me until tonight to remember my damn sign-on and my password. I still could not remember my password so I had to request to change it. Doh.

Work is ok.. I am tired when I get home, but so tired that I am wired awake from the 11:30 home time to the falling asleep time of 1 am. I averaged 5 hours a night of sleep after being gone from the house for nearly 16 hours. BUT.. the big PLUS to this all is that my check is FAT with OVERTIME. I know, I know, Uncle Sam will have a nice chunk of that OT, but at least I will see some of it and at least I can count on that money being used against my out of pocket costs for the I N C I I D T H E H E A R T cycle of IVF. I am thrilled to know that we have minimal costs out of pocket. About 550.00 for the anesthesia, about 200 for meds for both DH and I, about 2000.00 for freezing and yes, I have hope that we have a chance at freezing some embies out of this all. I won't be crushed if we don't, but I will remain with hope for that to happen.

GOOOO CARDINALS. YEAH.. they CLinched today. It was fun watching the celebration in the clubhouse at Wrigley field. Shame we could not clinch here, but that is ok,,,, we will be here celebrating soon enough.

DH and I are going to the second to last game of the season on October 1st. I can't wait. I wish we could have gotten ticket for the last game, but I am going to beg DH to go down to the stadium on the 2nd and stand outside the gates and just listen to the game on a radio. At least we can say we were there for the LAST game. LOL we might have to get there EARLY to do that, but I am game. We also heard today that the current Bush Stadium will not be imploded.

ok, back later.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

" Where were you when ________ happened?"

That is a question that seems to happen in different generations past, present and future.

My generation, "Where were you when the planes hit the World Trace Centers? "

See, I was not even born when Kennedy was Assassinated. So the question falls on me of where where you when.......

I was on my way to work listening to the local dj's when all of the sudden they said.. "Folks, you will not believe what we just heard about on the tv(they had in TV in studio watching the Today Show). They had seen the footage of the smoke coming out of the frist tower hit. I was in the parking lot when they said this. I rushed inside and turned on the radio again. Immediately told my boss what was happening and then my co-worker too. We rushed to log onto the internet and see if there was news of the craziness. I then proceeded to go down to the LHM chapel and say a few prayers. By this time they had a TV in their chapel and were watching and I looked up and GASPED.. It was the second plane going into the second tower. I about fell to the ground in shock. I was holding my hands over my mouth to hold in the screams. I was horrified. I saw that plane glide right into that building. I immediately said "terrorists" out loud along with 4 or 5 others in the chapel. I called my husband to make sure he was watching and he was and his voice cracked "This is a bad thing".

My Gosh, What was happening? Well, the rest of the day unfolded in tears. Every time I heard a new radio report, or possilble plane crashes(about 50 warnings happened that day throughout the day) then the Pentagon, then the other plane that crashed. We were under attack. I could hear the helicopters flying about outside my windows, Fighters jets were scrambled from Lambert Int'l Airport. All Air Traffic ceased then. I was listening to the radio when the DJ's said they saw the building crashing down. All they were saying was "OMG, the building is coming down" what a chill that ripped through my body. I thought that we were in trouble throughout our land. Again more reports of possible plane hijacking came across the wires, but really it was false alarms of planes that had not landed yet. I ran downstairs again to watch the TV and that was when the 2nd tower collapsed. I again covered my mouth with my hands to restrain from screaming out loud. I said to myself that we are going to have thousands dead and O s a m a was responsible for this. I said that to a co-worker and they thought I was crazy.

I watched the news channels for days, weeks, months and just cried. I donated through work for relief funds. I said my prayers and I felt helpless in all this.

I don't know anyone personally that was involved with the actual events, except a friend of my boss that worked at an affiliated club of ours. That friend of my boss asked us to just Pray.

Prayers can't completely heal the pain, but I know I did what I could and I know it helped someone somewhere in one way or another.

My boss visited Ground Zero a year later and brought back pictures of the nearly cleaned out hole that remains from the towers, but I could not say I felt the pain of those that are directly touched by the losses of their friends, family, etc.. I was sad, I ached, but I can't imagine what they all went through that day and weeks to follow.

I say a prayer again for those that were lost, for those that lost, and for those that still hurt.

9/11 Never forgotten

Sunday football kickoff..... Are you a Sunday Football Widow?

Do you become a widow on Sunday's and Thurday nights for Pro Football or even Saturday's for College Football?

Well, I am lucky and can say that I am not a football widow. In fact my husband (dh) is on the couch snoozing right now. He is not a huge fan of football. He watches it, but could miss a game a not be upset.

Are you a FOOTBALL SUNDAY WIDOW? Does your DH take off to the buddy's house and have their Sunday afternoon football party without you?

My family mostly comprises of Baseball fans. GO CARDINALS, METS ARE POND SCUM. SOme of our family comprises of Hockey fans, well you all know we have tainted tastes in our mouths from this past FAILED hockey season. Some are Nascar Fans. .... very few are Football fans.

Are you a Widow on Football Sunday's?

Saturday, September 10, 2005

mouth watering...............

DH and I camp, but we don't rough it. We camp with a travel trailor. We have had long nights on an air mattress and went sleepless in a tent so we had decided back in 1999 to buy a pop up camper. We then upgraded from that to a 19 foot pull behind travel trailor (paid off and made money on that trade) to upgrade yet again to a 31 foot trailor. I love it. It is paid for due to the fact we are in this scholarship program and that freed up our funds from our tax refund this year and put it into our 31 foot coachman and we are surely enjoying it, thank goodness we sold the 19 foot trailor on Ebay!!! Most importantly, we can take our doggies and they live in it like luxury. We humans don't spent much time in it since I am a camp fire lover myself so the dogs rule the roost there.

What made my mouth water today? well, we went to The Mills Mall today and enjoyed the 95 degree heat, NOT, to climb in and out of at least 150 different travel trailor models on the grounds from the dealers and then enjoyed walking up into and sitting in the BUS luxury house on wheels. That one ran about the price of 280,000 dollars. OMG.. It was DA HOUSE......... I was in heaven.. but I can only imagine the gasoline that goes into a tank in that thing. LOL

We can't buy anything now, not at least for 2 or 3 years, but it is fun going and seeing the NEW ideas manufacturers have when putting together a new travel trailor.

One day.


Friday, September 09, 2005

and the flood gates opened..... Who said this was a SCHOLARSHIP program anyway?

Well, the flood gates of bills came falling upon my house today. The billing company for Dr. A (fertility doc) send DH and I two individual bills for our last visits. DH's SA =$230.00 Well, we have not had to pay for these b4. So why the hell are we getting billed for this now. So now I get to call the billing coordinator and bioth her out. Man, I just knew this windfall would happen.

Sooo, then the second envelope is mine and addressed to me for my sonohystiogram(sp?) aka fluid US. Well... after reading about 8 lines of different costs... the total of the billing comes to 1350.00. Yes, ONETHOUSANDTHREEHUNDREDFIFTYDOLLARS AND ZERO CENTS. HELLO?! I have diagnostic coverage insurance for IF. WHY THE HELL are they billing me for this? WTF? I was to only pay for the 50.00 office co-pay my insurance requires that I pay for diagnostic coverages.

This boils my blood. Makes my head steam. I have to sit here all weekend and look at these fucking bills and STEW over them all weekend. I HATE THIS. Sure... I can call them on Monday and ask them to resubmit them, but I just feel the backlash I will be getting from the billing coordinator saying "No, You must submit them to the insurance company for reimbursement, so pay us NOW!" ..... BIOTCH.. I can't pay you now. I pay higher premiums for my insurance and thus I have NO cash to give you right now.

So... what will the ramifications be if we can't pay this money to them up front to wait for me to submit the bills to insurance (which I will surely as hell fight tooth and nail for them to submit them NOT ME!) well the ramifications will be that we would need to postpone the cycle due to having to figure out billing problems first before we can do our GRANTED//// SCHOLARSHIP ITH program cycle.

This calls for a Ring-a-ding-ding to the DOCTOR himself. I am furious and I don't need this stress in prep to my cycle. I am less than a month away from starting lupron and this happens?! WTF

Oh Go ahead and wash my mouth out for being such a sailor potty mouth, I DON'T CARE.
I am PISSED OFF. What do they think? My FUCKIN' insurance card in in the folder photo copied and STAPLED to the font page so how can you miss it? And if this justifies cancelling my cycle now and moving it until the NEW YEAR, I will go BALLISTIC. I will open a can of WHOOPASS on this chick that thinks she is smart to just go ahead and bill this raging hormonal ANGEL of a woman (me) right now.

Ok, deep breath....

Better... ahhhhhhhhhh

OK, I am better. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I am going to chat with a few fellow Scholarship buddies to see if they had such bad billing problems in prep to a virtually FREE IVF cycle. LOL

(i n c i i d t h e h e a r t program)

This clinic has offered their services up to those reciepients and should know better than to PIIIISSSSS us off. hehe... I am not made at the program, just the billing situation like this.

if you want more details... leave your email address and I can answer any questions you might have.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

the irony of birth control pills.

when a girl comes of age these days, it is a common thing to have them put on bcp's at a young age. That is a story I will stray from with my comments,except that I was one of them due to excessive bleeding in my AF's... not because of being sexually active :0.

Well, after taking them for nearly 15 years, I went off bcp's to get in gear for ttc.

While on them, I gained weight, but never had symptoms of PCOS or Endometriosis. So in a way it was good for me, yet evil to me all those years.. meaning it would catch up to me eventually for holding off those PCOS and Endo problems all those years. I also had a septated uterus and did not know it, my STUPID OB said it was just because I was the Unlucky girl that had heavy bleeding... well if the dumbass would have done an ultrasound, they would have known I had a septated uterus and PCOS too. ENdo is not something that is detectable by US.

My GOODDOCTOR OB/gyn I have now said that it is true that my Endo could have started because I had retrograde bleeding through my tubes into my abdomen for many years due to the excessive bleeding with each AF I had. With my severe Septated uterus, I had Double the amound of endometruim tissue to bleed out each cycle. Mind you I would use about 3 boxes of 40 count tampons and about 40 pads doubled up for 8-10 days while bleeding from my period each month. EACH MONTH. That blood not only came out vaginally, but it came out into my abdomen all those years and is most likely the culprit for my severe stage IV endometriosis and badly damaged tubes *thus 2 tubal ectopic pregnancies*.

Sorry I am rambling.. but my point in all this is that in order to suppress my endo and pcos, it is suggestive I be on bcp's 24/7 356 days a year.

Today I am on week 3 of my bcp's in prep to my 5th Fresh and Final IVF cycle. I have not had one symptom of PCOS and Endo pains. BUT... after I get off them to start lupron... BOOM.. there every symptom will be again. soooooooooo what is the temporary cure for this? GETTING PREGNANT.

Yes... BCP's can be beneficial and yet used to help get me pg! bahahahahaha

does this all make sense?

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

well, it finally happened

our suspicions of the bil and sil having problems ttc came to the full truth. We were right. Sooo it is known and I am there for them in any way possible. DH was very supportive of my bil and told him to come talk to us any time.. OH.. the big kicker here....... drum roll please..... they are seeing the SAME RE as we are... OMG.. I could only imagine.. I would have walked in the office in a few weeks for my calendar review for this coming FRESH IVF cycle and my luck would be that I would have found my SIL and or both my sil and bil in the lobby. would that have been a shocker.. OMG. DH was LOL when bil told him that they were seeing a doctor named... A h l e r i n g on ballas rd. hehe.. I am sad that they are having such problems because it means that IF has rocked both sides of our families now. I hate that. I do wish them well in their treatments. I do want them to know we are here for them any time as they need it.

Camping this past weekend was a blast. OOOHHHUYUUMMMMMM the margaritas that BIL made were delish! Still licking my lips of that wonderful taste. Jose Quervo is delish... man. I did not sleep well so I crashed the last 2 nights at home and still feel tired. LOL Camp fires are the best. Thanks to the Gilly's for providing the fire wood. I promise I will pay you back. Oh and I made my famous tuxedo chocolate covered strawberries for everyone and they ate them up!

I managed to take 96 digital pictures of the fun. Also we have other family members that took as many so we have over 300 pictures so far to share online. hehe now if I can only manage to print some to put a scrap book together.. Yup, scrapbook! LOL

The doggies had a blast camping and did really good as to not bark too much at the stranger family members they did not really know. Of course they know grandma and did not bark at her since she slept in the camper with us. On Sunday I counted as many as 29 people there. WOW! Great job to my DH for putting this together. I can't wait until the next trip. The talk is to either travel for camping in Atlanta GA or Denver Colorado! I vote and will keep voting for Denver Colorado!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, off to water my much neglected house plants and clean the green fish tank. Poor fish.