About Us

Wednesday, April 26, 2006


why must we have cravings for chocolate?

What is your favorite chocolate? candy bar? ice cream? tell me what your fix is!

mine today, twix bar!

does your craving change? or are you the traditional one type of chocolate lover?

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I couldn't hit enter/submit

I sat and typed out a long post. Instead of hitting enter/send I sent it to my drafts folder. What I was trying to say was not coming out right in typed words.

I can only say that I admire the honesty of this woman's blog.

I wish I could have the talent to write like that. I am not talented in that way so I will keep it short and simple. I dread having a hysterectomy because I am longing to do one more IVF cycle. (read-FET) because I can't stand the thought of having to leave my life of ttc behind me and also to leave my one frozen embie out there to maybe never be put back into my uterus or one of a surrogates because I can't afford to do either one. For my uterus ... that is committing murder on our embryo. Honestly it is. I can't carry a baby and I keep trying to fool myself into thinking that I could do at least one more frozen cycle and just cancel my booked hysterecomy this coming month. As far as a surrogate goes, I can't do that either because I can't afford to do it. Please don't say I can because I have researched up and down the costs and it is outrageous even if it were to be someone I know(family member and or s who lives about 6 states away that once volunteered. ) I can't afford it. Legal fees, cycle fees, etc. SOOOOOOO I sit here sad that I will eventually call up the Reproductive Endocrinologists office in a year or so and say "Can I please have amy embryo given to me in the tube it is frozen in so I can thaw it at home and put it in the memorial behind my house? " Yes. I plan on doing that. I don't want to donate that embie to research. I don't.

Ok. off my selfpity horse. AF is here so that brings me down to 26 days away from my hysterectomy surgery. I need to really get my butt in gear at work and get a few projects done and ready for the temp they will hire in to fill in for me while gone. That temp can't even begin to learn the things I do in my job so I will have to have some bills sent home to me to pay while out on leave. JOY.

The boss took myself and a co-worker out to lunch yesterday for Professional Administrative's Day. Nice lunch and then a trip to Michaels to buy whatever we wanted in the way of house plant arrangements! NICE. I love that store.

Tomorrow night I will begin washing the bedding, clothes, blankets, etc.. for our nursery. I also need to figure out if we will repain the dresser my mom's boyfriend donated to us so I can use it for a changing dresser! I can use the wall border decals to decorate it after I paint it so it will match the decor of the nursery. FUN>
bidding on john lennon real love dresser drawer knobs now on Ebay. hehe. I am addicted.

Praying hard that we get another perspective situation to be presented to a birthmother. Praying hard.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

enjoying the support

When I take my Saturday mornings and hit the subdivision yard sales and such(a very bad habit my mom taught me at a young age, yard sales that is!) , I am looking for 0-3, 3-6 month sleepers of gender neutral colors, socks, blankets that my mom can embroider with the John Lennon Real love caricatures. Today I had such wonderful support from those that asked what gender of baby we were having and I told them I did not know because we are trying to adopt an infant and we are open to gender. Every person that asked today was so supportive and told me that they wished us success and that they thought it was wonderful that we are adopting. Man, I can't be more thanful for such great support even from strangers in our path to become mommy and daddy sooner or later.

Oh, btw, This is DH in the adoptive parenting class last week trying to diaper the baby doll. Bahahaha. He did pretty good actually. I know he has never changed a diaper on a real baby before and this was a good learning experience for him. I also got this one of him putting the baby dolls clothes back on. hehe

So I think we are mostly set for the next situation to come about, now just praying to God that we don't have to wait that long and that we can receive good news sooner than later.

Off to register at Target.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Say Cheese

you bet I will have camera in hand and will try and snap a picture or two of DH diapering the babydoll in our parenting class tomorrow night. OMG> I can't wait. If I can't do it with my camera then I will try it with my cell phone camera(but wait, I have to buy the cord to allow me to upload my cell camera pics to my pc. )

I can brag and say I have a pretty good knowledge of babies and how to diaper and care for them (teach them things, read to them, etc) since I babysat many different kids growing up. I started babysitting at the age of 13. Yes, 13! And no, back then they did not request (parents that is) to be infant CPR certified and THANK GOODNESS I never had to once use that skill. I was a good baby sitter and Always got rave reviews from the kiddo's and was called back often to repeat jobs. I was blessed to have babysat for one friend of the family from when the baby was 3 weeks old until she was almost 6 years old. It was a great job, heck I bought my first sound design stereo turntable and my first 10 speed bike from that money. hehe. She was my steady job each summer and often weekend nights. We had so much fun growing up together and now that little girl is a police officer! Amazing. This leads into the fact that I KNOW I will be a great mom. Sure, I will have my ups and downs and seek advice on things I have never encountered or need to adjust in our parenting to be, but I have a good feeling we both will be great parents. I just hope our kids will grow up and give us RAVE reviews one day. hahaha

Next weeks last parenting class will consist of successful adoption stories and a birthmother and adoptive mother panel. Hmmmmm

Insomnia is bad. Off to rest with a lunesta involved!

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Easter? Huh, what day is it?

(Easter, Baby Shower & baby registry, then friends son's death ment below) Fair warning! Read at your own risk.

ha... This is the first Easter I ever remember NOT attending a family function in my life. EVER. My family always had family gatherings for Easter for as long as I could remember back(4 years of age is my first memory or so)including that yucky coconut bunny cake my gram use to bake.. YUCK. We use to dye eggs the night before and then the men in the family would go over to Tower Grove Park and Klemm and hide about 6 dozen eggs in the trees, grass, bushes, etc and then would drive back to the house(about 4 blocks away ). They would pick us all up and we would go to the park and have a blast (we always left one adult at the park to guard our eggs while they went to get us). We always came back to the house to figure out how many eggs would be left behind accidentally. See, the adults would forget where they hid them and us kids would never be able to find them all. (mind you this involved about 12 of us kids, my sis & bro and the rest cousins). I wonder how many animals found our treasure eggs. LOL

I just don't feel like doing anything.. I am not feeling well today anyway. Tummy upset from the jalapeno's I had on my nacho's at the ball park yesterday. Gee gads, You know think I would know better, but damn, food with a kick of spice is my life. BTW, row 8 section 150 behind home plate is a nice place to sit. Thanks to DH for scoring those tickets!

DH and I did it, we registered at babiesrus Friday night. FUN. It really did not bother me seeing other women in there with bellies out to there in their cute maternity tops. Really. I thought it would, but I was pleasantly surprised to be more focused on check marking off the items that DH was running around scanning with that fun scanner. For some odd reason when I would make a wise crack to him he would turn and try and scan my boob. MEN! ha. Gotta love the humor in this man. No, you can't scan my boob you dumbass. So we went from department to department and had fun seeing what odd things we could add to the list that others might crack up about when they see the registry. The assistant (employee) at the registry desk asked us a due date and that is when we told her we were adopting. She was very excited for us and asked us when our baby was to arrive. We told her we were not matched yet and that we were told by family to go register because they are having a Baby Shower for us. YEAH! So we used our shower date as our due date. Boy, wouldn't that be nice if we have a match and placement by then....

Baby Shower date: June 16th. Fun. Co-ed baby shower so I am sure it will be fun. It is strange to not be pg and have a shower, but to be expecting through adoption without a due date is not so bad. I have a large extended family and have attended all of their baby showers so I am sure this shower will be of a large size too. I was coaxed by my mom and sister to register at babiesrus, walmart, burlington and target. So I have one done(bbrus) and another 1/2 done(wallyworld), so now I get to do the others next week. My mom is probably going to help me do target and the other as I think DH is burned out already.

I got a dresser from my mom and her boyfriend that we get to repaint and decorate for a changing table/dresser in the nursery. FUN. I love painting things like this. I hope I can find my talent in hand painting to do some drawer knobs like the John Lennon Real Love pattern. I can't stand to pay the ebay prices for those knobs so I will try my free hand at painting them myself. One thing I can contribute to a personal touch for the nursery. I will post b4 and after pictures of the dresser later. Oh, btw, the girl that used this dresser b4 us was a huge Beatles Fan. She had hand painted John, Paul, George, and Ringo all over this dresser. How ironic because our nursery theme. Ha I love this.

Ok, for the sad news. My sister and bil's best friends lost their 14 year old son this past Friday night to a accidental gun shot wound to his head. Please please please say a prayer for this family. What a tragedy to have happened to anyone. He was deemed brain dead yesterday and organ donation proceeded. His funeral will be this week but details are still being worked out. I can't even imagine living the hell of a tragedy like this. They have 2 younger daughters. I am keeping them in my prayers that they will make it through this week and gather the strength to move forward in their lives yet always remembering D and his passage into heaven. I won't post details because that is a moot point. Please consider keeping them in your prayers this week to make it through each day, hour, minute and second. And to hold steady as a family. D was a very handsome young youth with the love for his family and energy to boot. Please please if you are a gun owner, buy a GUN LOCK for the trigger. Keep it locked!

Thursday, April 13, 2006

no go this time

but hey, at least we tried. At least we feel good that we are active in the process of a pool of birthfamilies.

Deep breath. This was an eyeopener for sure. From what we are told, the potential birthmother was already set on another couple as her second choice if the frist couple backed out, which they did. So we are ok with this.

We are in a good network now. I feel good. We are in 2 different agencies pools for potientical situations.

I will count our blessings that we are experiencing this all. It is a learning process that I will carry away a positive hope from.

Ok, so now I have the scrapbooking bug. OMG. Frick. I can't do it... it costs too much money right now.

Ok, new focus... Yard sale Season. I am having this year sale on the 22nd and if you are local and are spring cleaning and want to offload something on me, let me know here and I can get with you to pick it up. All proceeds of our yard sale will go towards bringing our baby home!

keeping the calm

is it possible?

We were presented to a birthfamily this past weekend, but I am going to remain calm about this because we don't know if she will select us or not. But it sure lit a fire under my butt to get to the store tomorrow night and register and hit my sister up for some baby items.

hopefully I can post an update by the beginning of next week.

Happy Easter to you all.

Monday, April 10, 2006


never in the 7 years of IF did I even venture to the baby registry sites online and I totally avoided going into the stores if possible. (yes, walgreens sells gift cards!!)

So, I asked DH to join me in going to the store and registering. My mom has bugged me over the last week to register soon. Hmmm, I wonder why?!

I got a list from the chesterfield store, it was from the events coordinator that is hosting the adoptive parenting event on April 29th. If you need details, post and I will email them to you. Yup, BBRU is having an event. I also got word of a free event on May 5th I think. I will have to find that info and pass it along to you all. It is involving agencies, vendors, etc all realted to adoption. Fun.

I registered on pampers.com and will register with the formula companies too. I am not sure if this adoptive breastfeeding try will work for us, but we will see after the may 22nd surgery. I can't start the meds now because I can't be on them for surgery.

Any other sites you recommend I register on?

Sunday, April 09, 2006

marching forward

today is a good day. AF is nearly gone. YEAH. LIke you need to know that.. but get it, this brings us closer to may 22nd(see below) and Freedom from the mean AF.

Camping this past weekend was great. I was able to relax and get some sleep yesterday. Now to get myself to go to bed early tonight. LOL Yeah right.

Soprano's is on next, then that show on HBO with Bill Paxton... Big Love or Real love or something like that. LOL... Oh I have tivo to watch too. fun.

Al MacInnis night for the St. Louis Blues is going on right now. The St. Louis Blues retired his jersey number into the rafters at the Savvis Center tonight. Congrats to Al and his family. I miss his style and grace on the ice. We so need him. Our beloved Blues did not have a very nice season. Heck, I feel as though I have not connected with this hockey season at all this year. Sad. Maybe next year. Anyway..... Thanks for all your hard work and making hockey fun for us all Al MacInnis.

Ok, off to catch up on emails. BTW, what is up with the 470 spam emails I had in my email box today? dang it.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

hyterecomy date set. I am done with this

out with my defective uterus.

May 22nd is the day. Just waiting on the call from the doc's office to say what time I have to be there. LAVH is what they call it. Laporoscopic assisted vaginal hysterecomy(partial as we will possibly leave the ovaries in there). I will be in for about 24 hours if no complications. I am sad this has to happen, but I am not able to function each month like this with major bleeding and down time from work. I live in the bathroom each cycle day 2-6 and it is not worth it anymore. I will spare you the details.

My insurance did not balk at booking this even though it is a new company we have since January. Thank goodness.

more later

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Cardinals fans.. come one come all

I was born and raised a St. Louis Cardinal Baseball fan. I live about 12 minutes from the downtown stadium. The St. Louis Cardinals NEW Busch Stadium is in my sights for the game Tuesday night to see the Memphis Redbirds(farm club for our St. Louis Cardinals) team whomp up on Double-A Springfield. hehe.

I will take my camera, binoculars, and warm clothes if it gets cold. I am so pumped. We will be there for the first ever game played, although not THE St. Louis Cardinals team initiation... but still. WOW.

I will post pictures later in the week.

I can't wait to see how well our St. Louis Cardinals team does this year.


former lover of hockey, but always a Red BIRD FAN!

Saturday, April 01, 2006

ticker test

are you counting? I'm not

Yeah Right. Hahahahaha.

Today is day 11 of the wait since our home study was approved(trying to find one of those tickers to post here). Day 11 of knowing that there really is a baby out there for us. Just think, there could be a baby gestating that could be born in days, weeks, months times to our hearts and arms. I can only imagine the worries, heartaches and pain the potential birthmother would be going through. I often find blogs online to read of birthmothers and have found a new respect for what they have gone through. No, I will never fully understand their side of things as might they never understand our side of things, but I hope and pray that they find the strength in their hearts to make it through their decisions no matter what the situations turn out to be or whom they decide on to welcome their child into home and heart.

I am able to finally go out and shop for baby things in stores. Most recently we were looking for a baby changing table, no not a changing table, but really a dresser that I could use the top of it for the baby's changing station. To put a changing pad on top of and have drawers below to put clothes, diapers, wipes, necessities in below where I change our future baby and dress them.

I have also been looking at glider/ottoman's. I have a nice rocker, but I wanted something very comfortable. But we will see if that is something I can swindle from family. hehe. Oh, we did find the dresser/changing table from my mom's boyfriend. I have to paint it, but that is ok. I don't want to pay hundreds of dollars for a dresser when I can find one near and welcome it in from family. Heck the crib is from my sister who had purchased it new for my niece who is now near 13 years old(nope, no recalls on it either from the Welsh baby carriage company). A Family heir loom hand me down that I proudly accepted. FUN.

Now, you all know it is Spring time and yard sale season. I am on my way out the door now to recycle my soda cans and use that money for baby items I can find for the nursery. Crib sheets, onsies...etc. I am also hoping to find one or two lamps for the room too. Wish me luck.

CHEERS to wonderful weather this very day. YEAH.

check you all later.