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Saturday, September 02, 2006

it makes me scared

a cyber friend that is going through adoption had a failed match this week. This, my friends, REALLY openend my eyes up to how topsy turvy the adoption process can really be. This is frightening to the core. Your hopes and dreams are shattered in one fell swoop. You get excited, you go into a frenzy to buy things, you pack your bags, put work on hold and go. Go face the POSSIBLE and sometimes what feels like the impossible dream. Then to have the rug pulled right out from under you, yet you have to catch yourself and remain upright in respect of the birthmothers decision to parent or even select a different set of parents for the baby. Also you have to remain upright in the fact that you must keep your focus forward as you have to put your profile out there ASAP again. See, many couples and or agencies pull your profile from public view once you are matched with a protential birth mother (pbm). Thus taking you off the market for PBM to look at your profile while you are matched.

So one from a failed match must dust off the dirty feet after your rug is pulled out from underneath you, pat yourself on the back for having done the best to not go INSANE in public(because you know you have cried buckets of tears in private), Grab your partners hand and get back out in the world of potential adoptive parents profile pools. Sure, that sounds easy, but the heartaches you just suffered through has got to be eating you alive. It is a grin and bare it situation. Grit your teeth at the failed match and then dust off your pants and move forward. I have heard of some couples that have taken months to grieve and rightfully so. I feel so bad for them and this my friends is what makes me scared. I fear grieving again.

Grieving. It is an internal gut wrenching process to go through when you have suffered losses of any kind. I have suffered through nearly 8 years of infertility that brought us to a different level of grief I would never EVER wish upon anyone. 9 angels in heaven my friends. No one woman should suffer thought ONE loss let alone 7 losses of 9 angels(2 ecoptics, 1 baby boy 8 weeks gestation, twins (1 baby girl) lost at 8w3d, twins lost at 10w, 1 chemical pgcy and 1 mc at 6w1d gestation). I grieve these losses in my own way and I so want adoption much more of a positive experience through adoption. I fear the unexpected, I hope and pray that we will be blessed with NO FAILED matches. But deep down in my heart I have to prepare myself for just the possibility.

Prayers to my cyber friend that had her failed match. I hope your hands are filled with the love and joy of a baby very soon.

1 comment:

Millie said...

This is one of the things that scares me the most about adoption, it really really does. Thinking of your friend and hoping that she and her partner will have everything work out for them very very soon. And that you will as well.