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Wednesday, August 31, 2005

over and out ..............well for a few days

Yup... rest and relaxation... I am out. Family reunion for Dh's family this weekend and we are making a camping trip out of it. I have to work tomorrow and Friday due to being on Disaster Recovery status at work, but that is ok.

We found out today at work that our battery fleet office in Kinner LA is gone... the battery trucks were still there, but the building was gone from around them. Amazing. They are moving the trucks to Baton Rouge and setting up a mobile station there. They were able to salvage several hundred car batteries so I hope that helps someone.

We still don't have contact with our Slidell office and Metairie LA office. Kinner is just north of Slidell from what I understand and if that building was lost / blown away, then most likely Slidell is gone too.

SOAPBOX TIME below.........
I sit and watch the news and cry with these people that are without food, water, etc... they showed a family on an overpass with their 3 yr old boy and he was going into what looked like heat exhaustion. Now they just showed someone taking a mom and 5 day old baby away in a car that has been stranded on an over pass. Where is the arial rescue efforts? I swear we responded quicker to the Tsunami in India than we are here in our own soil. Is it me just thinking that or is it true? I know roads are at an impasse for the most party, but where is the military with helicopters to drop supplies, water, MRE's? If these people did not lose their lives in the floods, winds etc of the Hurricane then they will surely starve and die that way on an overpass? WTF?!

I know, I will stop beating up our volunteers, it is not their faults, but I swear it seems our homeland response is so much slower than when we go to help other countries.

Ok, off my soapbox.

ok, try and have a nice holiday weekend and say a prayer for my sister on her Friday appointments and those involved with the Hurricane.

over and out.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Remaining hopeful on all avenues

Although we are dealing with many unstable things in life right now, I will and am remaining positive.

My sis sounded upbeat tonight. her US and panoramic scan is now Friday morning early.. this gives them time to decide if it is necessary to biopsy or completely remove the mass if it looks bad. She said she has to hope for the best that it is not cancer. I sure hope the best for her. I will remain hopeful.

I have such a wonderful support system. Kel, Thanks again.

I sat back at work today and listened to a fellow co-worker describe what he has found out about Metairie LA office we have and where he lives. He lives near Burbon Street and said that since the levee failed, his house is most likely GONE. Gosh.. I had to stop and say thank you to the higher powers for what DH and I have... The co-worker said at least his family was safe, but not sure about co-workers yet. I hope they are not injured or worse. Houses can be rebuilt and lives can move forward, but if loss happens... gosh.

I sit and enjoy my nights at home with DH. Watching our Wonderful Cardinals win games(not tonight, but close). Watch our puppies play and gosh it makes me so happy. I hope and pray that nothing happens to us ... material things are meaningless.... My love of my life, DH, is all I need.

Our country has suffered a horrific loss, but can and WILL rebuild. We did not let terrorists take us over and we will not let Katrina take us over, although she is now almost gone from our land.

Together we will survive this all. No matter what is thrown at us.


Monday, August 29, 2005

It is an evil thing, but hopefully beatable for many and.... (cancer ment, not me)

hopefully not going to strike my sister(edited with another WTF! below)

Today, my sister calls me at work and asked if I had a few minutes. I was busy due to Hurricane status at work, but I said sure. I did so because she sounded like she had been crying. Sis is 40.5 yrs old, mom of 3 wonderful kiddo's and wife to a local police officer. She tells me that she got a call today from her OB after having a huge work up for hormonal issues lately. Her Mammogram shows a very large mass in one of her breasts and she must come back in on Wed. this week to have an US and scan (not sure if Cat or MRI scan ) to determine what this mass is. It is located on the back wall of the breast up against the chest wall, breast bone/rib area. She cannot feel the mass by hand and it is very hard to see by Mammogram. She then broke down to me saying that she thinks it is cancer. This is my sis saying this, not the doc necessarily. I had to be strong for my sis.... she is 5 yrs older than me and she seems to be comfroted by me when she has medical problems. I asked her if she was home alone(she was sobbing by this time and I had tears in my eyes while at work fighting back a big sob), she said yes, but her DH was on his way home ASAP. I asked her if she wanted to tell her kids yet, she said NO... I then told her she had to stop crying and be brave for the next few days and PRAY HARD as she does not know what is going on just yet. She will be enduring lots in the next few days and worst of all is the wait to get results.

CANCER.................. It took my dad at the very young age of 49. Lung Liver and Bone. (Damn cigarettes and wood stripping chemicals Dry Cleaning chemicals) and He was not able to fight it as it was aggressive. He found out September 14th of that year and was gone by December 15th 1995. Some of the most horrifying days watching him wilt away and Be Angry. But after a few weeks of consolation from our local Parish Pastor, he accepted his dying and went to God. I love you dad. I miss you.

TEARS are welling up typing this. I hate it. I hate CANCER. I know it is part of reality that many of us have to deal with, but it is such a MEAN nasty disease that it rips my heart apart to see anyone suffer from it.

I can't tell you how many times I have sat on my dad's grave and talked to him, asking him to have GOD watch over this family that remains on earth. Not to make us suffer so I hope that prayer is heard and they take care of my sis.

Gosh, the lump in my throat from crying now hurts.

Cancer took my FIL at the age of 60.
Cancer is EVIL.
Cancer is a sobering reality of reminders that we need to enjoy every minute of our lives even if we are not the one inflicted physically. We must cherish every moment.

Cancer, I wish it gone and I wish and pray that my sis is not touched with it at all.

Fear is real, but beatable.

Please keep us in your thoughts. I will update in a few days as soon as sis knows something.

A local Friend, NatalieT, is going through Cancer after IF. Please pray for her. (click her name to read her journal).

WTF EDIT...... OMG.. My gradeschool friends mom just called me and asked for my moms home #. A friend of our familes that lived across the street from us for several years has just lost her battle with ovarian / uterine cancer. OMG. WTF is going on here? I need to scream, scream so hard that it makes my throat scratchy. It will make me feel better. SOB SOB SOB. THis lady lives in Sullivan MO so I can't go to the funeral. UGH. MY GOSH. I am so sad.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

who would have thought

(GROSS STUFF MENT so if you have a queasy tummy, don 't read on)
(this is IF related in a way)



I have a nasty Planters Wart on the outter ball of my left food. Right where the bottom of my foot hits the ground when walking. OUCH. I had it removed about 4 years ago by knife(I don't have words to explain the PAIN that I was in from that) and now it has grown back to a humongous size. Take a Dime and put it on the bottom of my foot, not once, but 1.5 times overlapped. Soooo, my great 50.00 copay to see the podiatrist was worth it this time around. I met dr. A and he said since I was going through IF treatments, he did not want to surgically remove it again. He was so kind to say that if he does get to the point of needing to remove it then he would do it in the operating theater at the hospital and not in the office like the last quack doc did and I would need crutches this time unlike the other quack doc did not suggest.

BUT BUT BUT....he told me he could use a new oral treatment for this and it might take a month or two to work, this drug is showing promising advancement in the treatments of Planters warts without surgery. He told me to check with the RE and confirm that taking an oral ACID REFLUX medication was ok. So he gave me the name and sent me on the way to talk to the RE doc first then I was to call him that next week and get the RX if it was approved to take while TTC with IVF. RE doc said SURE! So I called and was dispensed an RX for Cimetidine (Generix for Tagament). Can you believe it? Yup. It is an RX prescription, unlike the over the counter dose. I am on An Acid Reflux medication once a day for at least a month and it is actually shrinking this nasty multi-headed Planters Wart on my foot. I can't get a good enough picture to show you the difference, but believe me, I am thrilled this is working.

I am going to have to try a second month of Cimetidine, but that is ok. It is killing 2 birds with 1 stone.. Acid reflux a.k.a. GERD and planters warts. YEAH.. The Foot doc did say it might take a few months to get this gone and I sure hope he is right. I fear the surgery to remove them if this RX doesn't help.



edited.... I just a fellow blogger that needs this help too. Oh.. another lady posted to The Naked Ovary to tell her she used clear fingernail polish and her wart went away too. WOW.. If this RX does not help I might try that. LOL Also, the Podiatrist mentioned the old wivestale of Duct Tape.. YUP! It does work for some. LOL for some reason my linking is not working but here is her site.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

so after 2 jumps

car battery jumps that is.... I had to finally have my car towed to the dealer we bought it from. When I got my first jump, I left for work and then got on the highway ..... the car totally died 2 times.. no power, digital radio screen dead, odometer dead... etc.. POWER STEERING DEAD.. OMG.. my heart about jumped out of my body when that happened. Of course I stayed in the slow lane most of the way to work. I got to work and turned the car off and it would not start again. I had to go into work and make my self known to be there then I had to call service again and have it jumped again to see if it was the battery or not.... well, after he jumped me again and he left, it died and would not start again... battery cables were tightened by him at my work parking lot, but it still would not start up.. battery light was on on the good marker so it was a mystery why this was happening. I quickly called the service and he came back to flatbed my car and tow it to the dealer. After numerous calls to the house, because the service people are too stupid to call the # I just gave them(work) .... they called my house at 3:45 and said the car was ready.. by then I had to ask them to fix my breaks too. LOL well it was ready and all covered under warranty. YEAH.. Back break pads replaced (front were done 2 months ago) and they machined the roters too. Plus a brand-spankin'-new battery. So it runs like a champ. YEAH.. Heck, it should for a 1.8 year old car.... not 18 year old car, but just over a year and a half old.

(edit here.. OMG who the hell let me ramble on in a longass sentence like that? bah)

I am glad I got my car back b4 the weekend ... hehe I hate being a 1 car couple.

Ok, AF is nearly gone... BCP's are ok. I am tired, but eyes wide open.. that equals INSOMNIA. Looks like a call into the GP this week to discuss me taking some ambien or that new replacement sleep aide that will not make me a habit formin' insomniac who is ttc.

Tomorrow is a clean the house day and then a Six Feet Under marathon. I tivo'd the last 1/2 of the season over the last few months and saved them for a day to watch all at once. SO DON'T GO SPOILING IT FOR ME!

Friday, August 26, 2005

it is 8:26 am and this is my morning so far...

dh was not awake yet(6:30 am).. but reason being was that he has to go give a SA today so that threw my morning routine off.

Then I get ready to leave the house and set off the house alarm. LOL oops. Cancelled that so the cops would not show then .......poor doggies don't like that sound of the house alarm.

I got into my car outside and NOTHING... not even a click of the ignition. DEAD.


I sit and wait here for A A A to show. pretty cool I get the VIP treatment since I am an employee

What an OFF mornging already.

GOod news is that AF is nearly gone... yeah.

Ok, off to go look for the battery service tow truck.

Happy Friday everyone.

I think I might have to do happy hour with a HUGE margarita tonight.

Thursday, August 25, 2005


I am getting into the act of beading again. I will share with you the braclets I make this weekend... but you have to wait. hehe.

I went to the craft fair in St. Charles this past weekend and had a blast stopping at all the booths of beading jewelers. I picked up their business cards so I could have a peek at their web sites. Drab that is.. If you want to market your product, then get a good web page!

I am so glad I am taking programming classes so I can be serious about going into web page design one day in the future.

Sure, I said my dream was to become a nurse, but that would mean me quitting my day job and going to school full time and I know that will only happen when I do win the lottery.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Command Central said we are all clear for take off.

I got there this AM and nobody was waiting, I like that. I was called back a short time after that by Peggy and told her I was still sleepy and I am sure this Fluid ultrasound was going to wake me up. She directed me to the exam room, sitting in my nice sheik white drape on the exam table, Dr. Ahlering walked in and of course as always has a wonderful smile on his face. He said, "are you ready to get the show on the road?" I said, "Of course, let us start rolling forward". I like that great attitude he has and it rubs off on me.

The Fluid was injected into the uterus and then it began.....Cramping as expected. I took several deep breaths and Dr. A asked me if I was cramping up. Yup, but I was prepped for it. It came as no surprise. The screen filled up with the rushing fluid in the ute. I turned to look at the screen again and saw those nasty ugly blood clots I was yet to expell in the AF I am having. I am cycle day 6 and usually bleed as long as 8 days so I expected to have lots of residual bleeding from this and boy was I right.

Dr. A finished up the procedure and turned on the lights. Peggy left to work on my chart. Dr. A said we are clear for take off and asked again if I was on the October calendar schedule. I replied with a very happy YES! I then asked what his expectations were for my protocol. He was leaning towards Follistim and repronex with lupron. Ok with me.... Just brace me when I am on lupron for the migraines. LOL He then said I should hear from the cycle coordinator in the next few weeks and we are then all set for the October calendar. Hey, have I told you that I really like this doc? Well I do. I really like this attitude. He is not filling me up with false hopes. Heck, he even said my uterine cavity is in such great shape that we could fit twins or even 3 in there... I put a halt to that subject and said we are shooting for a singleton pgcy after our losses of twins. He agreed!

He left and I then spoke with Peggy to get things set for what my next step is. I am to expect a call from the cycle coordinator for my next steps. I am on week 1 of BCP's and they would most likely call me on week 3. She did hand me an extra pack of bcp's to carry me over another month because I will be on them into October before we start lupron.

This is getting exciting. I am excited to view the sample calendar for October too. She was kind enough to give me a copy of one and she did stress it might be tweaked a little, but in general I should expect to do retrieval the week of October 24th, actually later that week.

My AF really kicked in as I was walking out and I had to stop and take care of that. Thank goodness I was wearting protection so I did not mess all over myself. LOL I hate that. The RE's offices seem to give you this little 2 inch panty liner and they think that will catch the after flow of the fluid coming out.. NOT. LOL I was ready for the on-slaught.

Today is a good day. Today is a day to help me get into that mental mindset for prep to the cycle. I am back to losing weight, I am back to trying to get more sleep, I am back to keeping my schedule on track.

Ok, off to take my bcp! Happy Pill down the hatch.

Good Day to you.

a floating we will go a floating we will go

for the fluid US that is. I hope the results are clear... nothing wrong with this here ute so I can proceed with the prep to the fresh IVF cycle in October.

October 24th week is only 2 MONTHS away. YEAH.

The pain from the fluid ultrasound is semi-painful, but I take tylenol before and the pain usually only lasts about 20 minutes... Think of the worst AF craps you can get (mine are pretty nasty bad) and take that for 20 mins. It is funny because I know what I am looking at on the screen. I hope it is good news.

Oh, who the Hell told me to book this Fluid Ultrasound at 8:30 am on my day off? LOL At least I get it over with early and I can then go play for the day.

I am then off to go return some books for cash refund to the book exchange at the local Community College. I have yet to sign up for my HTML class but I expect to do that with the funds that are returned to me from the book buy back program. My class is a 1 credit hour and does not start until Nov 2005. 5 week class so I hope the homework is not too bad. Maybe this will help me be able to design my own web site off of here. hmmmmm

Tuesday, August 23, 2005


Thankful I am ....

I am thankful I am in a wonderful marriage, sure we have had our off times, but IF has brought us closer together.

I am thankful my puppies love me no matter what. even if I scold them, they come nudge me to love them 5 minutes later.

I am thankful I have access to the internet. ALL the IF blogs are life savers.

I am Thankful for CHOCOLATE while I am PMS'n and on my AF.

I am thankful that I have such a wonderful support group system in St. Louis. Resolve, Dr. Jan DeMasters, doctors, friends, family.

I am thankful we have a roof over our heads.

I am thankful the weather is not too far from being near the low 80's again. YEAH. Come on Fall.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

officially on my way....

Today is cd 3 and I am on day 1 of my bcp's in prep to my IVF cycle in October.

I am ready to get into this. I have been keeping a hopeful mind and working on dropping some unwanted lbs. I gained from the FET / Chemical Pregnancy cycle. I lost 7 lbs since the 8th of August. I have been low carbing and eating high proteins and foods containing folic acids. I looked into some yoga classes and might do a beginners class if it does start soon at www.yogastlouis.us 8 session beginners for 108.00, is that steep in price or ok? I love yoga and I get a great workout from it since I am not in the best of shape and mega skinny. LOL

Today was a good day. DH's side of the immediate family went to the St. Louis Cardinals baseball game and sat in the very top row of the stadium. Thank goodness it was in the shade up to the 8th inning. The Cards fell short of winning, but it was fun. Nice to be out with all of them including the MIL.

Speaking of MIL's... do you get along with your MIL?

Wednesday is a day of vacation so I can go in and have my saline sonogram or fluid ultrasound as some call it. This will determine if I am ready to fully moving forward to this October 24th week of the IVF cycle.

I hope you are all doing well in the winddown of the summer days.

Camping in 2 weeks for DH's family reunion at Babler State Park. FUN.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Prayers needed please for a friend(cancer ment)

A friend (I will call her N for now, I will post her name later when I know she is ok with it) from the local Resolve group who graduated from fertility treatments and has a 4 year old daughter and twin 2 yr olds..... was just diagnosed in the last few weeks with breast cancer. She is 37. I am shocked for her and her family, but this has got to be so hard on her and her family moreso.

I am asking for you to send out prayers for her and her family. After such a hard struggle to finally have a family after infertility treatment, she has to now go through and beat cancer !

I will post a link to her site as soon as it is up and running.

Can I ask you to light a candle for strength for her and her family in this time of need? Can you offer a prayer? Can you offer a positive thought for her? Something of any sorts is welcomed. I do believe in the power of positive thinking and prayer if you are the praying type.

I wonder what one person must go through in life and by gosh, this is something you would never wish upon anyone. My father died at a very young age of 49 in 1995 from Lung, Liver and bone cancer so I know the ramifications of cancer, but I hope and pray that our friend N's breast cancer is beatable. I offer my time to her to come over and help with the kids, the house, anything! The local mom's club has helped keep them filled to the brim in the freezer with meals for the next few months so I was thinking of pitching in with some friends that mutually know her and buy her a gift certificate to the local cleaning company to help come in and clean.... her house is HUGE compared to mine so I am sure the help would be appreciated.

Lord above, hear our prayers and positive thoughts and pass them onto N and her family.


Friday, August 19, 2005

I like her, I like her not

AF that is.... She is a welcome sight today, well not really, but you all know we need her today to start bcp's this weekend as scheduled. Today is CD1 so I start bcp's on Sunday and then go in Wednesday AM for a Saline Sonogram. Then I am to get my calendar set up for the fresh IVF cycle. Thanks! Things are moving forward and in a positive way. Now if we can just keep my body in a cooperating mood we will be set then.

I went to the Pain Management Center here in town today. I received the first visit free...Evaluation for my back and neck pain. No xrays .. maybe next time, but that key word is NEXT TIME... Is it worth it? I got a deep tissue massage and then electrolysis on my back and man I can tell you I so miss this therapy like this. Back in 1989 I was broad-sided in my car by an idiot that ran a stop sign at Compton and Shenandoah streets. That put me in a bad way with my back. 11 pinched nerves and major whiplash. I went to the chiro for 3 years and had to quit due to no more coverages by insurance and no settlement yet on the accident. The idiot that hit me was uninsured! BOZO. Soooooo, I am not in a good way with insurance again because they require a deductible of 500.00... well really it is 1250.00 from my wonderful (NOT) insurance company, but I can work something out for payments on the 500(the chiro office eats the different between that!). I can then go for xrays and major adjustments and more massages and electrotherapy!!! Those pads on the back that stimulate you are just wonderful. ahhhhhhh

Ok, I am off to go veg on the couch as AF is being very mean with the cramps again. Must be the Endometriosis growing again. JOY.

Oh.. tomorrow I will promise to post more about the fellow friend that went through IF and now has breast cancer.

Blessings. Stop today and look around you and appreciate all that you have... Mind, Body, Soul, Health, family, friends, etc.... Sometimes we forget to stop and smell the goodness in these things. Simplicity is key to our survival... not materialistic things.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Peer Chat session....

Ahhhh, I so like our local peer support group in town. WOW. Thanks Amy! It is such a great place to be able to just let it out ... our feelings for the week about IF, family, friends, work, etc...

What would I have done without support in town to help get through this IF?? I WOULD BE INSANE. DH would have had to take me to the local State Hospital! (which btw is not very far from my house!)

There is another support group in town this weekend, but it is professionally led by a therapist. It is also a great place for IF support. If you want details, please post in the comment section and I will give details.

I meet so many neat people and have been able to gain such great friendships through it all too. Since IF takes our so called Friends away from us (well, we really learn who our true friends are in the outside of IF world!) it is hard to gain new friendships when many of the outside world don't get IF. We tend to draw ourselves back from public situations when going through IF.

Ok, stopping the rambling. I will be posting an important post tomorrow... it is about someone that went through IF and had 3 kids, but is now suffering from Cancer. I will focus on that tomorrow. I have shed many tears today in silence at my desk and will continue to do so until she is cured!

Blessings to us all.

until then....

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Go ahead and Tatoo "Baby" on me

Let first start by saying I hate SPAM mail ... HATE it with a passion, but sometimes I get caught up in just reading the subject title to find out what june list I have been added to.(no, I don't open them!!! )

NOW I am getting.... ANYTHING Baby related.

B... Win free diapers for 5 years
B.... enter the Diaper award contest today
B......Let us help you name your baby
B.......Do you need a stroller for your baby
B........Do you want to win formula for a year

How about B..... YOU WILL GET PREGNANT WITH THIS NEXT CYCLE AND WILL CARRY TO TERM!! I need that kinda baby stuff first. HELLO?! I have to have a baby to use those FREE diapers for 5 years, I have to have a baby to let you HELP me name my baby! bahahahahahaha.... WTF?

Sunday, August 14, 2005

newest discovery.... links for other blogs/sites

I finally, after hours of research and trying my fingers at programming, have figured out how to incorporate links on this blog to other blogs and other sites. Yeah..... scroll down below "archives".


HTML class here I come. I signed up for class for November for some programming. YEAH.

DH has this ability to attract

A trip to wallyworld (wallmarttttt) today brought a new recognition to me today. DH was walking through the pet supply isle and said to me , "hey, look at that cutie" .. I tured and saw a little 1-1.2 yr old in a cart seat with her mom and dad.... she was just smiling at DH. She was batting her eyes at him. He said she was the cutest little girl. Of African American decent and had the most beautiful curls up in pig-tails. She was smiling at us and even waved at DH.

This confirms my thoughts on DH's ability to be a wonderful father in the near future. He had this knack of being a teacher of sorts and I think that will enrich his experience in the future of being a daddy when we finally have our baby in arms.

DH is able to see the pain of the IF, but yet has this great attitude that infects me too and makes me smile at little toddlers/infants/kids like that now. Sure, some days are hard, but moreso I am able to smile at the sight of precious miracles.

Today was a good DH and I day that we spent at Wallyworld, Target(say it with the accent of Tarje) and then Big lOts.... Oh and Walgreens. It was a good day, but we spent lots of moohlah .. yikes.

Ok, Day ?? of provera and spot has gone away and I am feeling ok. Opps, be back later... I forgot to get something at Walgreens..

Have a wonderful afternoon.

I swear we should patition the gov for a 4 day work week and 3 day weekend. hehe

Thursday, August 11, 2005

day one of Provera since AF can't seem to find me

when I need her. LOL

is nowhere in sight so I called the office and talked to my new cycle coordinators voice mail. She called me back in about 5 minutes. She told me to pick up my script of provera tonight and start them asap. 2 pills a day for 5 days and then AF should show in 3-5 days after that. I am to then call them with CD 1 for what I don't know, but then to start bcp's this next cycle to keep me on track for the cycle groups for October. YEAH.

Remind me, what is provara like? I use to take it and it was for 10 days one pill a day and that was bad enough... made me a biotch and bloated... what will happen with taking it 2pills a day for 5 days? Will the symptoms be even worse even quicker in time? LOL

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

tick tock tick tock... waiting is the name of the game

75 days and counting... can you figure out what I am counting down to?

it is on this page!!!

Well, did you figure out what the countdown is for?

GO CARDINALS (not related to my countdown, but rooting them on to a great rest of the year and PLAYOFFS too)

Monday, August 08, 2005

when my SIL calls for no reason you know what comes next..... (pg ment)

well at first it was no reason

yup... she called me out of the blue! Just to chat. Well, they do owe me money for babysitting but she did not even mention that. So about 10 minutes into our converstation, she said to me "Well we have some news to share" ..... Yup, you guessed it, they are pregnant with #3 due in March 2006. SIL and my Bro tried 13 years for my nephew... had him after many rounds of surgeries and naturally trying,.... then they went on to have an OOPS pgcy with my niece who is now 2 years old(newphew just tured 4). So they will have 3 under the age of 6.

DH was not home at the time of the call so when he walked in I shared the news with him. He kinda took it as a stab. OUCH. We have been trying now for 6.5 years and no luck carrying to term( I do not wish to go 13 years for ttc#1!!!). I do wish them luck as does DH, but man, can we have a turn at having the next new baby in the family after she has this one?! Really!

I instantly got the gut feeling that now my sister and bil will be next with pgcy .. I just found out last month that they are using clomid to ttc again.. Her 4th child their 2nd child if it happens. They are on vacation now and I bet .. just bet she will come back and have news to share with us in the next 2-4 months too. If not, mark my words wrong then.

I really am happy for them, but again it is the question of "WHEN IS IT OUR TURN?" I know, many have told me that it will happen when the Lord is ready for it to happen for us, UGH.... @@@@@@ those are my eyes rolling!

Ok, off the pity party.... I don't want Pity.. JUST AS MUCH LUCK AS YOU ALL CAN SEND OUR WAY. DH deserves to be a daddy, he will be a great dad soon. HOPEFULLY sooner than later!

Wow, just realized I am only 2 months and 16 days away from Retrieval week! WOW. Ok, need to get my butt in gear. higher protein and less carbs and some yoga again to boot.

Thanks for listening. Some of you out there might not understand my post, but some might. Thanks, no matter what!

Sunday, August 07, 2005

we kept our mouths shut. Clueless people and IVF...

August 6, 2005. DH and I are camping with a group a people we met through camping(fun story, but for later days). We all decided, after lunch yesterday, to pack up the river chair and coolers and head down to the rock beach down at Meramec State Park camp grounds. It was a wonderfully summer afternoon after some drizzle and thunder rolling around us in the AM. There were about 6 kids ranging from the age of 1.5 to 14 or so, they were off playing and having fun in the rocks and catching minnows. The adults, about 12 of us, were all sitting in our chairs in the water watching the drunks floating down the river. After about 1 hour, the conversation turned to a subject that made DH and I face each other and raise our eyebrows and just grit our teeth and zipped our lips to NOT say anything. Mind you the fellow camper adults know nothing about our IF history. The started talking about people and how irresponsible they are when they go and use fertility treatments to have babies. Then they got on the subject of "OMG, I would never do that to have a baby and ESPECIALLY 3 or 5 babies". Again, DH and I kept ourselves hidden under our sunglasses and kinda acted like we did not care about the conversation. We did not even say a word. Luckily the subject changed in about 10 minutes time. Something distracted their conversation and they went off on another tangent.

DH and I got in the car to hop back over to the campsite and we just shook our heads at each other and both said "THEY JUST DON'T GET IT". Meaning, little did they know that they were in the company of two people that have no choice but to use IVF to try and have a child. TUBELESS in St. Louis is my title and that means I lost my tubes to 2 different ectopics! BUT we both understood that if they had all known our IF history they might not have even dove into that conversation. If they had known of our history, then you sure bet I would have been in the water splashing them a whole new view!

Our lives are filled with people that either know ALL our history if IF or NONE at all. I told DH that if the question "Why don't you all have kids yet?" comes up then I will open up and let them know what we are going through to become parents. ALl of them had kids. The one lady even has a sister that has been a surrogate for some other couple. Man, I wish I could afford that. Surrogacy is a very likely way we could have a child or two, but we cannot AFFORD the costs of a gestational surrogate. Meaning we can't afford the fees associated with a surrogate that we don't know. 30,000 is a common dollar figure for just their fee. Then I have to pay for IVF to retrieve my own eggs... another 10,000-12,000 dollars. Yup, I joke you not.

Anyway, I am back to the real working world tomorrow. I am almost done with Harry Potter then I will pick up my Three Junes book and read it for the local book club that we started with fellow friends that went through and are going through IF. It is a fun distraction.

ok, I will try and post a picture tomorrow of what my puppy (8 mos old) "Sadie" did to my house on Thursday day! OMG.. she is in the DOGHOUSE.

until tomorrow.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

visitors near and Far..............

85 United States United States
1 Ireland Ireland
1 Canada Canada
1 Saudi Arabia Saudi Arabia
1 Australia Australia

those are the hits from the countries that lurkers visted from today on my blog (last 24 hours)

I would be so lost without my (IF) Friends that understand me

You, you know who you are. Your are my friends that went and are going through infertility and just "GET IT". I am so thankful for you!

You out there lurking, you out there reading this and understanding the very moments in life going through IF that can lead any normal person to insanity, you understand that that friendship makes us remain on the edge of SANITY. Sometimes precariously on the cliff edge, but somehow we can find that support within each other to keep from falling and falling hard 99 % of the time.

The support groups in this town are wonderful. Resolve St. Louis and Dr. Jan DeMasters are two wonderful support groups in town. If you need any help with finding one or more of either support groups, post here an leave your email address, I will then email you the info you wish for.

One-on-one meet up. These are also a life saver. Thanks Kelly! Dinner tonight was wonderful. Sorry my cousin kept interrupting. LOL

My Husband is a great support also. Over the last few years he has become a compasionate listener. He is also thankful for my support groups I can attend too. The one from Dr. Jan is open to couples and he has gone a few times. Also the Resolve group that meets for ConverSation and cookies is also open to couples. YEAH.

It helps to have my DH on the same page as I. I would be lost if not. He gets IF and the pain it causes, although sometimes I have to read it from his moods, actions, etc... but he is wonderful. Sometimes in the support groups I offer him to others that might not have that some support and compasion from their DH's. I feel for you if you are in that situation.

I can't go to either support group this week, but Thank goodness most of the meetings are spread throughout the month so I can make at least one or two.

THANK YOU. Sometimes words don't cut it, but I am sure you understand.

THANKS for being here, listening, advice, etc..