I see teeth in them there gums...

yes, Julia has two teeth popping through on her lower gum. My question is.... is it ok to have them popping forward toward her bottom lip instead of growing up through the top line of her bottom gum line? Does that make sense? Well, if you pull her lip down, the two front teeth are growing out forward towards me instead of growing up through her gum line towards her upper jaw. Can you envision this? I'll try and take a picture tomorrow night to show you. DH thought it was strange too to have them coming out forward instead of straight up. Hummmmm. I'll ask her doc's office the next time I see them. Nothing we can do, I assume. Just let them grow in and then we will see if they cause problems when her permanent teeth start to grow in. Fun.

I'll be honest and say she is not too fussy. Ok, there, I've gone and done it and jinxed myself. I bet she will be a total fuss bucket from here on out. Ha. Oh and she has blisters on her top gum where her two front teeth will hopefully come in. I guess this is why she has been tugging at her ears lately.

I am using the hylands teething tablets and they seem to help sooth her. She got fussy right before bed tonight so they seemed to help calm her down and stop the ear tugging.

I LOVE THESE milestones!

another milestone is that she is starting to crawl. She gets up on all 4 limbs and does a hand over hand once and then lands on her belly and pulls herself along to try and reach for a toy. So she is getting in a crawl or two before she plops down. Ok, Honest, I will baby proof the outlets and cords tomorrow night. I need to tie up the computer cords and wires. I need to move the floor fan to another location so she can't get to the cord and buttons. I need to move the cd rack downstairs so she can't pull it over. She has started pulling up on the furniture and in her crib so the rail has been raised all the way up as her mattress has already been lowered.

Her newest attempt at a word is Dawg.... She sees the doggies come into the room and she screams DAWG (more of a silent g, but it is what I think is the word DOG. So that makes mama, dada, baba and dog.

Oh, tonight at dinner she started shaking her head NO at me when I tried to give her a spoonful of turkey and rice dinner from the jar. DH saw that NO head shake and started laughing. I said "Ut Oh, we are in trouble now". There is no stopping her.

Julia got to experience her first trip to the deep country of Missouri. My Aunt and Uncle bought something like 400 acres of land down in Iron County MO. Not too far from the Tom Sauk resevoir that broke a few years back. We played in the new house the built and out on the drive and then I went fishing and caught the biggest croppy out of their little pond. We had such a great time. Daddy and Julia watched us as several of us in the family (nephews and my brother) were all fishing cathing perch, croppy and even a small mouth bass out of the pond. My uncle was surprised there were so many fish in that there pond. Fun.

I let the bunnies go in the woods at my uncles place. I'll post pictures of how big they got. Only two survived, but at least I was able to save two instead of none. The bunnies will love it in the woods.

I had no fun Sunday night, Monday and today. I was home sick with bad tummy issues. I called the doc today to see if there was anything I could do besides immodium and they said nope unless I had a fever, which I did not. Ick. Not the fun way to lose 5 lbs. This PCOS ridden body of my won't let me lose 5 lbs normally so I am taking all I can get. Just not the fun way to lose them there lbs. ha


Ok, off to bed. I promise, more pictures tomorrow.

I know there are milestones I am forgetting for Ms. Julia so I'll post them later when I remember them. Bah

Sleep well. I sure am going to with the window fans in action tonight. A great night to sleep under the warm blankets while the fans are blowing cool air around. ahhhhh, sweet spring weather. (I know in a few weeks time I'll be complaining about having to turn on the air conditioner so I'll bask in the cool chill of the night from the window fans for now).

Wordless Wednesday...... a little late

she does a new trick for my mother's day gift

Today has been such a wonderful day (yet her birthmother is on my mind lots)....

today I woke up to Julia laying in her crib smiling at me through her soothie binkie. She reached up for me to pick her up. Ok, melt my heart, especially on my first Mother's Day. What a gift, what a blessing, what a love unknown until now.

we played, we ate, we slept a little and then we rolled out of bed to go visit family.

before we left for visiting family I noticed she had been on her belly and in the blink of my eye (yes, I missed it that quick), she turned herself around and into an up sitting position. From her belly she did this. YEAH. another milestone. This new trick of hers confirms my thoughts that she will be crawling very very soon. she is up on her knees and hands rocking back and forth and looks like a leapfrog even bringing her hands up off the floor in this position. too cute.

Agenda is to get a new toy box for the living room to put all her noise toys in. Any suggestions on what kind of container/toy box to buy? again stimulating the economy like bush wants me to. LOL

Children .. what a gift. a precious gift.

with every tear I shed
there comes joy to be fed.
sleepless nights and worry of when
but looking at you now makes me forget the bad zen

Our Stimulous check at work, stimulating the economy the baby way

I have to say that this stimulus check is at work as Bush wants it to be. We stimulated the economy by buying Julia a new "convertible" car seat. We bought a britax marathon in onyx.

I know, you all might say, why spend so much (we didn't pay as much as what my link to amazon shows!!!! but we did get it on amazon last night for much cheaper). This is what we decided on and I have no qualms about it. Our daughter will be safe. I work for a car insurance company so they insist on using new car seats. I believe in this so we researched and bought new. You never know what you will be getting from a used car seat from somebody these days. You can check recalls online, but you will never know if that seat has been in a vehicle involved in an accident. I will not compromise the life of our child by buying used.

Julia is around 16.5 lbs (or maybe more now since I have not weighed her in a week) and she is growing so long I can't even keep count of how many inches she is now. Maybe 27" or maybe just over 27" and she is not even 7.5 months old yet. Her feet stick out over the end of the baby seat she is in now by about 2". I think once she hits 18 lbs we will put the new carseat in my vehicle (DH will get the cosco brand of seat for his truck.). It will face the rear of my little Tribute, but I know it is only a few short months before she can ride facing forward.

This little girl is growing up too fast, but I love watching it happen.

Today we visited a local blogger to pick up some avon and shop her yard sale. It was fun meeting her in person. Sorry we missed her daughter. Julia was wide awake and was wanting to play. hehe Maybe we can meet up at the Zoo or Shaw's Garden soon. I hate not being off during the week because I seem to miss all the places in town that have free events/admission for kids!

While hitting yard sales today, I had so many compliments on Julia's eyes. She has radiant blue eyes that look so cool in the sunshine. So many people said they love her eyes. I do too. When Julia heard them talking to her, she turned around (I had my home made ultimate wrap on) and looked at me for approval to smile back at those people. She was so cute. I find more and more that she mimics what we do. If I grunt, she grunts. If I say "where's dada", she says dada. When I gently slap my open hand on the table in a pattern, she does the same to that beat of mine. here is a recent pic of those pretty blue eyes.


Talking about these things makes my day. It all makes sense now, this is the way life is suppose to be, a big happy family of 3.

Happy Mother's day to me and all you mom's out there.

Bliss in Approaching my first Mother's Day. (if, mc, adoption ment)

All the years growing up, I would make a mothers day card from scratch for my mom in school. About 3 weeks before mother's day we would take plastic egg cartons and cut them up into two by two by two..etc... We would be in class, lay out some newspaper to protect the floor and scoop dirt from a bag the teacher would bring in into the cartons, take the end of a pencil and put a hole in the dirt about 1/2 way down. We then took a gerber daisy seed and plant it in that dirt. We watered them every afternoon in class and then when the Friday before Mother's day came around, we were given our precious hand grown seedlings in a small brown paper bag to take home. We were instructed to NOT give them to our mothers until Sunday. Let me tell you, it was such a joy to make that card to go along with that seedling and see the smile on my mom's face as she opened that brown bag that very Sunday morning when I woke up. Sure, she really did know what she was getting in that bag, but it was sure bliss on my part to know I put so much love and care into that gift and it made her day.

Well, let me state that my Mother's day is going to be that, PURE BLISS. I plan on soaking in every moment with my husband and daughter knowing we are a family we had so hoped for in so many previous sad heartbroken Mother's days past. When we started trying to conceive back in 1999, I was ignorant to the idea of ever having problems of having a baby in our lives. When Mother's day in 2000 approached, I was heartbroken again to know we had lost two angels to heaven by then. I started to build that fear of thinking we would never be able to have a baby. I would never be able to celebrate my very first Mother's day. Then the next 6 years past with diminished hope year after year, day after day, minute after minute.

I realized after our last loss in November 2005 that it was time to find a new way to build that family we had dreamed of for so long. We wanted to be able to share our love for parenting. We wanted to go to family gathering with a son or daughter attached to our hip. We longed for the nights we would rock our baby to sleep and watch them wake up with a smile. We looked forward to the challenges. I can now say that after having finalized Julia's adoption this past month, I am slowly let my guard down of expectant disappointment. Fear of my body failing me once again, fear of letting my husband go one more year without becoming a father. But now I can bask in the bliss of smelling our daughters bald head of the beautiful baby lotion after her bath. I can do those things. This is what makes it blissful.

I am a mother and it feels so wonderful to say that. (Thank you to Julia's birthmother for making this all possible.)

Ladies, those of you that are still trying to become that mother you always dreamed you would be, hang in there. The wait, the pain, the fears will be soothed over for you eventually. I know, the waiting is just not fair -It Sucks!, but I will stand by you to not give up hope for you to achieve that goal. This little baby you dream of is out there and will eventually touch your heart in the most special way and will make your first Mother's day THE BEST EVER.


Grant us the hope
Spare us the pain
don't let us mope
Love for a child is what we want to gain

Waiting is painful
Days are long
hope of Rewards are blissful
It makes us all that strong

Sometimes our chin hangs low
But Your dream is there
Grasp it now and fro
for the dreams bring you that hug able bear!

dealing with memories (miscarriage, pregnancy, adoption mentioned below!)

remembering our expectant due dates with miscarriages.......

The majority of us women that suffer through miscarriages have this spot in our hearts that will never let us forget when we got pregnant, when we miscarried, when our pregnancy due date was(is) and how it felt to be pregnant. I keep this in my heart. I don't speak it to the public because so many just don't understand the pain associated with the losses of our kind. They mean well, but their words of comfort sometimes come out wrong and become stab wounds I have to again heal from so I just don't mention it anymore. Yes, I am so thankful we did get pregnant. I know so many women that go through fertility treatments don't ever achieve pregnancy and I do respect that. Again, I am just speaking my mind and heart here on my blog.
I do remind my husband of these dates when they happen, I whisper them in his ear that morning of each anniversary date of these sad events. He will then in turn hug me and tells me he loves me. He knows I will remember this and always tell him when these days approach. This is my portal to be able to SHOUT out to the world that our sweet babies is in heaven. No, I don't get mad at my husband for not mentioning it, I just think this is a woman's vice we have, we just always remember these types of things. I do let him know so that he can be my rock that day and remember with me that we were able to get pregnant and we were so thankful for that. He grieves right along with me too for our losses. I usually will shed a tear or two, but only in silence in my own corner of my cube or bed or at the computer late at night when I can't sleep and am thinking of my angels in heaven.

This year on Mother's day I want to release 9 balloons towards the heavens in recognition of all the angels we have in our hearts.

I always asked God "WHY, WHY must I suffer so many miscarriages", but I will never regret having tried to get pregnant. I do regret that it took us nearly 8 years of losses to realize the ultimate goal of which was to become PARENTS. Yes, we were parents to our angels in heaven, but we so longed to become parents to an Earth Angel and we give Thanks every day for Julia in our lives. Again, I have said this before, had we not gone through all the days of trying to conceive, our two ectopic pregnancies, our five miscarriages(including two sets of twins that were due May 7th and May 10th in two different years),we would not have gone down the path of domestic open adoption like we did. I know, it is a seesaw of good and bad, the bad was outweighing the good for some many months of trying to conceive, then finally if we were blessed enough to get pregnant, we would miscarry. It was enough to bring me down to a very hard low in emotions and physical being, But I did not let that stop my dream of becoming a mother and watching my husband become a father. We did not want to live childless after infertility and miscarriages. We stood strong and did our research to know that I could not carry a baby so we looked at surrogacy and then international and or domestic adoption. We chose domestic open adoption and we did become parents.

Nearly nine and a half long years, we remember our angels in heaven each day and celebrate our transition into parenthood with the birth and raising of our beautiful daughter.

God works his wonders in mysterious ways for some. I do believe he had a plan for us and I am thankful we finally reached that plan.

I extend a Happy Mother's Day wish to all of us out there that have angels in heaven and now earthly angels too.

ladies, don't give up hope that you will one day be a mother to the child you are destined to meet.

tears are shed not just a few.
you once grew in me
I lost you, but I love you

Ummm, is this a bad thing? Pigeon flies into the side of our house

and dies. I was cooking dinner tonight and heard a huge thud outside the back window, but I was too busy keeping the little one fed and cooking some italian breaded chicken breasts I was just putting in the oven to bake. I didn't pay attention to what it might have been other than a bird that "oops" hit the house. DH then came home from his final test in his class at Forest Park community college and went to let the dogs out. He had to quickly halt them and told me to come look. It was a dead adult pigeon laying flat on its back with a broken neck. Ewww, bloody too. Smack dab into the back of our house, that is one dumb dead pigeon now.

Is this something of any means? Does it mean we will have bad or good things happen to our house? OH PLEASE let it be all good things that happen.

Ok City folk, ONE less pigeon cooing on my neighbors front porch. I do love animals, but these things are dirty and make way too much noise when one wants to sleep or have a quiet moment outside. God Rest his soul, but how dumb can you be to fly directly into a brick wall of a house? Doh.

Meanwhile, I am down to 3 bunnies and it looks like soon down to 2. The smaller of the two furless bunnies didn't make it through the night Saturday. Its sibling with no fur does have its eyes open now, but still has little to no fur and is seeming to be very weak. BUT the other two bunnies are thriving. They bolt to the cage door every time I open it. I mean a full on hop! Sweet.

I was reading up online today about hand raising little wild bunnies and less than 1/2 of them survive from hand raising. I can tell you I did this hand raising a few years back and they survived just fine. Here are those bunnies in the backyard a few days before I released them into the wild through a friend that has property in Salem MO.

shake shake shake part 2

Did you feel that one this morning? around 6:20 AM I was in the shower and DH was out feeding Julia. I did not feel it, but I heard the dogs jump up and were a little unsettled. Fox 2 news says it was a 2.7 centered in FENTON Missouri! WOW. That is a tad bit close. They called it an aftershock, but how can that be?

we need to make weekends longer for the working folk

See, by time I go to dinner or a Cardinals vs. Cubs game like last night and then do some yard sales today along with meeting up with a bunch of other mothers and kiddo's from our former infertility support group, my weekend is virtually over.

I'll post a picture or two of Julia's first trip to the Cardinals game. She got to see them play against the Chicago Cubs. She was so good. I used my homemade moby wrap (thanks mom) to carry her and she loved it. She got to face out to the crowd and just had a good time checking everything and everyone out. Welcome to a true St. Louis Cardinals Fan.

The bunnies (4) are all doing ok. I finally found the heating pad to put under the cage and it has really helped with keeping them nice and snuggled warm.

Today we are heading to the Mehlville baby mania sale with my sister, mom, aunt and Julia. FUN.

Then we are meeting up with the group of friends I mentioned above. So much fun. We are going to Faust Park in Chesterfield MO. Never been there. I can't wait. I'll be sure to take a few pictures of Ms. Julia.

Oh, her newest trick, Waving and saying bye-bye. I haven't got it on film yet, but I promise I will. She is so quick to learn these things.

ok, off to baby mania

We are proud parents again, this time it is quads..... (bunnies ment)

no no no... not a human babies, but baby bunny rabbits. Look, they are so stinking cute.

Our dog discovered the nest yesterday morning and had one in her mouth by time DH got out there. He was able to rescue that one and we got them back into the nest. He put another piece of trellis to keep the dogs back from the deck trellis. The mother rabbit nested right under the edge of the deck by the trellis line. So I left some carrots and strawberries there to entice the mom to come back, but after nearly 36 hours the nest had not been visited again by the mom. So I took it upon myself to rescue them. I thought there were 4 babies that were maybe 2 weeks old, but I soon discovered tonight there were 6 babies. SIX. two did not survive the night. I will dig a small grave for them tonight in the yard. Meanwhile... here are the remaining 4.
I did this hand rearing a few years back from another next my doggy in heaven discovered too. So I will get my skills back in order for hand feeding every few hours. I think they are about 1.5 weeks old. two have fur, but none have their eyes open yet.

Anyone willing to take them from me and hand rear them? I'll suppy the cage and the syringes to feed them.

diving back in. Renewing our homestudy

yes, we decided that we are going to renew our homestudy. Or home study, whichever way you want to write it. I'll stick with homestudy, even with spell checker telling me is is not a word(but two words).

I made my appointment online today with this new company . They use to be called Identix, but now another company owns them. See, in our first homestudy we did, DH and I went to the local City (dh) and County( me) police departments and had our "paper" finger prints done. Then we had to write out a check and send them to the state highway patrol to run our backgrounds and clear our fingerprints for OK for Jefferson City to approve us to be "clean" with our backgrounds so we could be approved to adopt legally. I go Monday to a high school not too far from my work. I asked my boss for a long lunch because I had to be fingerprinted and he was shocked, I guess he thought I was in trouble or something. LOL Then I told him it was for our homestudy renewal for adoption. He then seemed shocked we would want to adopt so quickly after our daughter's finalization this past month. Ha, who knows how long it might take again. heck, it took us from early 2006 to September 2007 to finally have a successful adoption with placement.

Ok, rambling, sorry.

So we also have to get new physicals, I have to get a letter form the pediatrician for J saying she is in good health (her appointment was at the end of March). THere is a whole list of items we need to get and have done before our social worker will finalize our homestudy.

You might ask why we are renewing... well, maybe, just maybe a situation will fall into our laps, but maybe not. In the long run, financially it is better to renew our homestudy each year instead of letting it lapse and having to do a new one from scratch.

more on this later. I have got to get to bed.

I hope all of you out there that are reading this and waiting for a placement keep the faith that a match and placement will happen. It WILL, I won't give up hope for you. I won't.

teething tablets are being used now

lets see if this helps with her fussy ways, her drooling and her fully yanking her lower lip right out of her mouth while her fingers are still attached to trying to rip out the lower gums in her mouth.

Hylands teether tables. 2 tonight and I'll do more in the morning. FUN .


anyone else use these?

still fighting colds off for all 3 but new words make it all better

man, we are so ready to be over these colds. Julia is mostly dealing with the stuffy nose at night and it makes us nervous listening to her sleeping. While camping this weekend, we took our normal turns of watching her at night (listening to her on the monitor), but DH took her into bed with him in the camper and let her sleep right next to him so he could keep an ear on her breathing. It was really hard for her to breath through her nose and was tending to cough a lot. Last night I watched her and she kept snoring so much because of the congestion. I know there is nothing we can give her and just need to let it runs its court so we will hang in there. Camping was fun. I got to take her for a walk on Saturday with a few friends. It was a great time. I got a little sunburn. That sunburn makes me worry about Julia now too. I have sunblock on my list to purchase for Julia. I am afraid of getting her burned so much it will hurt her. I will be diligent with the sun block for us both.

This weekend also brought on a new word to add to her vocabulary. She currently says mama. This has been her first and only word for a few weeks now. Today dh and I both confirmed she is now saying baba, which in Julia language means Bottle. We worked with her tonight on this and she sat in her booster seat for dinner and reached for her bottle and said baba. I am so trying hard to make her next word "papa" for her daddy. The other day I said dada and she truned her head to him to make sure he was there. So I know she is associating words with what they mean. Especially when I say doggie - she will instantly turn her head and spot one or three of the dogs we have. She loves her puppies.

Also, tonight we tried giving cheese chuncks to Julia to try and she LOVES them. I fear constipation from cheese, but she could not get enough of it. I will work on giving her some diluted apple juice when she eats lots of cheese to keep her moving, if you know what I Mean. Cheers to her trying more and more "table" foods now. The doctor encouraged it now that she is 7 months old.

Yes, 7 months old. OMG, girl you are getting so big. I'll set you on the scale at home tomorrow and let you all know what she weighs. And I need to measure her length. I bet she is well on her way to 26.5 inches long. She was 26" long 1.5 months ago. She fits well in a 12 month footed sleeper. THis girl is going to be towering over DH and I in a few years time. Bhahahahahaaha




been thinking about her birthmother so much this past week. I think I need to make a call to our go between contact to make sure she is doing ok. Usually we leave it in the court of J's birthmother to contact us when she is ready to see us in person, but I just want to give her a hug because I know she knew court was for us last week to make the adoption final. We love you H!

spring brings a cold front

a cold as in sick. Julia, DH and I.

we love to share, but this is enough sharing of our colds. I feel much better today, but i bet my co-workers wished I had stayed home yet again. nope, i had to go in and catch up. I swear I am not contagious. Julia sounds like she is snoring while napping on me while i sit here typing one handed. DH is feeling better after doing some zycam (sp?) rounds in the last few days.

have you tried zycam? with my allergies to lots of drugs like sulfates and ibuprophin & aspirin, i am so afraid to try those types of cold meds.

it was just a matter of time.....

I have worried that one day I would have to give into the fact that Julia would sleep on her belly. Well, this morning, I went i to check on her after 7:30 am (which is 1.5 hrs later than her usual 6 am wake time) and she was asleep on her belly.

I really thought it would have happened before this, but had wished it not to happen any time soon. I guess it is yet another milestone to log in her journal.

She also loves to get into dual raspberry blowing matches with her daddy. I'll try to catch that on video soon.

just trying to sell a few things to build up a college fund for Ms. J

http://itsallaboutyougirl.blogspot.com/

come look at her stuff she has grown out of or no longer needs. (Look at the multiple pages).

shake shake shake... did you feel that?

I heard a small knock knock knock through Julia's baby monitor and then it slowly built and built and then RUMBLED.. RUMBLED... I woke DH and told him we just had an earthquake.

We both got up. I fed the dogs, checked on Julia and turned on the tv. Yup... fox 2 news just confirmed a 5.4 magnitude earthquake was centered around West Salem IL. WoW.

Some minor aftershocks are expected to hit too. I can't believe it woke me up.

did you feel it ?

aaaachhhooooo, sniffle, achhoooooo

dang, between the fevers, sneezing and coughing, have you heard our house rattle off its foundation last night and today?

Julia is running away with her runny nose. Sneezing and coughing. She had a slight fever last night that tylenol broke. She was good this morning so DH took her to the sitters knowing there was a good chance to get a call that she spiked a fever again, but never happened. Me, on the other hand, Sick as a dog from around 3 pm yesterday from after our court finaization of Julia's adoption. It hit me and hit me hard. I was down and out in bed at 10 pm (after watching Julia because DH had his nephew call to ask him to go to the cardinals game with him) I zonked with sleeping pills, antibiotic and tylenol in me, but it still would not break my fever of 100. I could not break that fever all day. Tylenol would bring it down a notch, but not enough to feel better. ANd now tonight, Julia's temps are normal like 98.3 and mine are back around 99.7 and 99.9. Ugh. I can't shake this crap. Swollen glands in my throat, aches, coughing up green crap and sneezing and almost making me pee my pants. THAT HAS GOT TO STOP SOON. My weak bladder can't take that sneezing abuse. LOL

Ok, wish us no more head cold days. AGain, I think Julia is breaking a tooth in so this is her warning us it is about to happen. Ahhhhh

ahhhhchooooooooooo

anyone else sick this quick too?

ok, little one is down to bed, DH is sleeping (hopefully not catching my head/chest cold and fever) and I'm off to join them in REM dream sleep stage.

Wordless Wednesday (Our Forever Family Picture)

what it all means... Joy, emotions, tears and love part 2

Today is one day closer to the finalization hearing at the courts on Wednesday to complete J's adoption(just over 6 months after birth). I am nervous, scared, excited and feeling overwhelmed, expecially for J's birthmother. I know she knows the finalization is this week so I wonder how she is dealing with her emotions of this all. I want to go hug her right now. Whisper in hear ear "Thank you for a miracle and blessing, We all love you so much for making your adoption for J with us". I know she knows we love her, but I just don't want her to feel alone this week. I want her to know we are always here for her.

We invited both of our mom's to the court room for the hearing and pictures after with the judge. I am sad that the judge that we had for J's birthmother terminations rights will not be doing our case. He was so kind and said he can't wait to see us at 6 months to do the finalization. I know we will still enjoy having the judge we do get. I do plan on having the camera charged up and ready to go for J's memory book. I want to celebrate, yet I will be so emotional. I just know it. I actually came in the house from work yesterday and saw that DH was red eyed. He was nearly in tears while holding J. I asked him what was wrong and he said he was just getting very emotional about her finalization coming up. It really touched my heart. I know men don't always express how they are feeling, but he has been so wonderful in letting me in on how he feels about J in our lives and her adoption process. I'll keep you posted for Wednesday's hearing.

Julia, your growing so fast. even from my post on Friday, you have started doing the following. You are now doing what I call a scoot crawl. You manage to cruise the floor every possible way, sideways, rolling, pushing yourself forward and backwards. You get pissy when you back yourself up against the chair or couch side or table legs. You won't let us leave the room without throwing a hissy fit. You tried vanilla yogurt for the first time today. Your eating is crappy right now. I wonder if you are ready to pop a tooth. I keep feeling for them, but you refuse to let either daddy or I get in there to check. We had to lower your crib mattress. You managed to start to pull yourself up on the rail and eat the railing. Body 1/2 up to the rail height so tonight daddy lowered your mattress all the way down and we just lowered the rail one position down so you are not soo far down. Before you know it, you will be standing up so this works. You like to drag the palm of your hand across the wood floor and make funny noises. You love to jabber while looking at me from the floor you are cruising. SLOW DOWN GIRL, you are growing way too fast.

it is still melting my heart hearing her say mama when I leave the room or when she is tired. sigh.. I LOVE IT. Her arms go up in the air when we approach her to pick her up.

what it all means... Joy, emotions, tears and love

today, April 11, 2008, you were a fuss bucket tonight when I got home from work. Daddy was holding you when I came in the door and as soon as you saw me you smiled, but as I walked to the dining room to put my purse and bag down, you threw a fit. This is one of your newest milestones (at least that is what I call it). You have a separation anxiety issue now. You don't like it when we leave the room for a split second. Even tonight, you cried hard, screaming, when I went 2 steps away from you. WOW, nice lungs girl. Exercising the lungs is a good thing, but it is becoming ear piercing. LOL You have a great way of expressing your feelings and most of the time it is through smiles, but tonight and the last few nights it was through a high pitched pissy scream. I LOVE IT. I really do. The wait for you to come into our lives is all about this. I am not complaining, but rather documenting this for you to know how you are growing up so fast.

Next milestone is that you are eating like a little piggy. I love feeding you, as it is always a challenge. Each night you seem to change your habits of eating. Tonight, you hardly ate, but rather liked your gerber cookie stick. Sucking on it and getting so messy. I took your shirt off and bib off tonight when I gave you the cookie stick because you get it everywhere. I love that too. Thank goodness you got a bath tonight after that.

You love playing with your peek-a-boo blocks and toys. We sit you in your crib to play often while we clean your room or work on other things in the house. As long as you have a toy to play with, you are so content.

Tonight you were sitting on the blanket on the floor and realized that Sadie(the youngest pup) had her paws hanging over the edge of the couch. You reached over, grabbed her paw (she did not flinch) and you proceeded to shake her paw back and forth and then put her toes and paw in your mouth. I reached over and asked you to stop, you did stop eating her paw, but you did keep shaking it back and forth. Sadie just sat there looking at you and enjoyed the attention. Ha. Just wait until you are walking and chasing her, Sadie will quickly find the highest point to avoid you I bet.

This past week, you were at Aunt C's house with cousin L watching you. When I came to pick you up, Aunt C told me that you were saying Mama. Daddy said you said it also tonight. You know how much this melts my heart? Oh my gosh. tears well up just thinking about it.

When we are in the car, you babble more often now. I kind of wish my drive to take you to the sitters house was longer so I could bask in your chattiness. Bahahaha

while on your tummy the other night, you got up on your arms and arched your back and proceeded to push yourself in a complete circle around the floor. I guess the backwards crawling is next.

No teeth yet, but I do think something is going on with your bottom front gums. We will see, I know that tooth or teeth will come in sooner than later.

YOu have grown out of your 6 month footed sleepers. You are now having to wear the 9 month sleepers with feet in them. Otherwise you are able to use the 3-6 month clothes and most 6 month sizes also.

I loved spending the day with you yesterday. We had no sitter and daddy was not home from Charlotte yet so I stayed home with you on a vacation day. I must say that although I only have 12 vacation days left for this year, the day's I have taken off so far mean and help me remember that it is all worth every moment with you.


Blessings as you grow girl
happy smiles are here
blow raspberries and give your head a swirl
you are my cuddle bear.

wordless wednesday

6 month stats:
15.1 lbs
26 inches tall
words: dahdahdahdah, mahmahmah, gahgahgah, heeeeheeeeheeee,haaaahaaaahaaaa

progress all in the name of time......

well, we have a new tub installed. New blue board around the tub, tile around the tub, new plumbing for the most part, new plaster patches on all walls, some paint put up and that nasty popcorn textured ceiling taken down too. Thank goodness the plasterer (is that even a word?) was able to scrape all of that nasty popcorn ceiling texture off by hand and was able to make it so smooth and repaint it white. Yeah. It looks so much better. He was also able to paint the color DH had picked out for the walls, but needs to come back and repatch one wall and then do the cut in trim painting. The tile installer / contractor is coming back Wednesday morning and will work most of the day on putting in the grout and then installing the floor tile and grout. YEAH. Progress All in the name of time. It is taking time because of a few snags in the road, but it will be so much better for us to use with Julia growing up so fast now. She is really getting too active to sit in the kitchen sink for her baths anymore. LOL

passing my ebay torch to my momma..... come view her ebay sales

my mom and aI have worked on Ebay sales of these baby bottle holders for the last few years to help us fund our adoption. It has really paid off and helped us pay for several little ticketed items in this current adoption of J. She was all worth the work.Well, now that a majority of my time is spent with her at night and since I work full time during tghe days, I am not able to keep up with my ebay sales. I have no passed the torch of selling over to my mom. She sells fabric patterns / sewing patterns / and a few other hand made items so now she is adding in the baby bottle holders in those sales also. Those sales will help her in her retirement she lives by now. She also told me that a good portion of the funds will go to a savings account for the college savings for all 7 of her grand children on my side of the family, which thankfully now includes Julia in that account savings. SWEET.

So if you have a moment please go over and peek at my mom's sales on Ebay.

her seller name is :sidneyray0

shoot, dangitalready, frick frack

one of the cabinets we bought and DH put together is too deep to put in our bathroom as we had hoped. Ugh. We will leave it up to the contractor to decide when he does the install if it is usable. If not, we have to eat the cost as we don't have the box to return it and since he put it together with the screws for the back it is considered used now. Lowes most likely won't take it back for refund. Shoot, Dagnabbit. Money down the drain if the contractor can't figure out a way to fit it in there. What a mess. Maybe he can cut about an inch off the whole floor to ceiling back of the cabinet to fit it in there, but that would be some hard work. I'll keep you posted in a few days when we talk to him for when he does a walk through of what our plans are. HAHAHAHAHA, nothing is ever easy, right?

I don't like the mirror vanity we bought, but I'll live with it for a while (maybe a few months) before we can afford to take it out and install some cute brushed nickel finished handled mirror mounts for the sink mirror. huummmmm.

Long awaited remodel.

Our bathroom is a typical south city bathroom. Small, cramped and OLD everything. Well, about 10 years ago we put in a new vanity and sink, but since then we have not done anything except paint. So we decided to invest in a remodel. We were going to do it ourselves, but we thought better of that. In other words, we did not want to get a divorce so we hired a contractor to start our remodel soon. I can't wait. Now mind you, we have to use the neighbors bathroom if we stay here so instead we are going to live at the local camp site when they start the remodel here in a few weeks time. I can get ready for work there at the camper with full showers and be at work in less time than I normally travel each day. LOL Go figure. DH started to take down a few items. I asked him to set me up with an extention cord in the bedroom so I can blow dry my hair and then he realized we would be without a mirror in the bathroom for several days/weeks before the remodel starts. Ha. Oh well. I can dress and fancy myself up in front of the mirror on his dresser meantime.

Thank goodness for tax returns. If we had not gotten a return this year (next year will be a very sweet return with being able to claim J then on our taxes and the Adoption Tax Credit we will qualify for), we would have put this off another year. These are a few before pictures.

Those of you that live in the city can appreciate the SMALL SPACE we have in our precious bathrooms in our houses. I have ONE and only ONE bathroom in this house and it is impossible to be here when they do this. I dread the dust they will create, but it means J will have a new bath to take her fun time baths in now instead of the kitchen sink (she is growing out of the kitchen sink!)

Our house obviously had been remodeled a few years before we had moved in in 1994 because I know of a few (mae) neighbors that were blessed to move in with the wonderful 40's and 50's pink and or hideous green tiled bathrooms. Ha, I was not that lucky to have those colors, but it was in a bad need of a redo. stay tuned for more to come in the next few weeks when the contractor brings in the plumber, demolition crew and the remodel crew. YEAH. I am so freaking excited. DH and I went out last night and bought the new tube, sink/vanity/mirror set and a HUGE floor to ceiling wood cabinet for storage and then a new shower rod and curtain with matching paint. We bought tile for both the floor and tub surround. It should look pretty good. At least I hope so. fingers crossed.
before
This is all for J. SO she can take a bath in the big bath and not the sink anymore
#1

#2

note to self

check out this blog for new template

http://cutestblogontheblock.blogspot.com/

Easter Blessings after so many years of waiting

When I was a child growing up in St. Louis, I had a very large family of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents (even other in-law grandparents joined in) we kept in close contact with. We had a gathering at our house each year on Easter Sunday after church. We (each family) would dye at least 1-2 dozen eggs and once everyone arrived at our house, the men would take those dozens of dyed eggs over to Tower Grove Park in South St. Louis City and hide them by Klemm ave. They would leave one adult over there and then come back to get us all. We kids, in our Easter Sunday best dresses and suits, brought our empty baskets with us to the park. On the count of 3 we were released by our parents to bask in the glory of recovering the REAL hard boiled dyed eggs. I LOVED THIS event each year. What a blast. No Top Prize, but bragging rights of who collected the most eggs each year. We did this until I was at least 14 years old or so. Then family members started doing their own thing and we usually ended up at my Aunts house after church and enjoyed her (money filled) plastic egg hunt. See, they changed to plastic eggs because in the earlier years we always managed to miss finding at least 1 dozen eggs. Ewwwww, I can't imagine how stinky those lost eggs got in those bushes and trees and grass hiding places. Yick.

Since then, we have not had any immediate family gatherings on my side of the family, although there are young kiddos, but they do through own thing with the in-laws grandparents. Now DH's side does have small kids (7 yrs old down to Julia's 6 months old) so maybe next year when we get together like we did as kids at his brothers house, we can then do an egg hunt. Plastic eggs will rule the roost again. I just know it. Money is the new thing to give. I'll look forward to it next year because.......

Many years have passed in our married lives from 1999 when we had our first ectopic pregnancy. We spent many Easter Sunday's in fears of the waning of our dreams of becoming parents. I had recovered several different Easter's from miscarriages or surgeries so it was hard to keep hope that one day we would enjoy the blessing of a child on an Easter Sunday. We watched our sisters, brothers (most) & cousins have kids and enjoy the Easter Festivities of church, Easter baskets and dinners in despair that we would be the childless couple watching all this transpire. Only with the help of counseling and support groups (and a rock of a husband) did I keep the hope alive and by the blessing of domestic adoption we have finally reached our dreams. We waited and waited with fears of Parenthood never becoming a reality, but what a blessing it is after all these years and heartaches we lived with.

Please, if you are going through infertility and or adoption, please know that you will become the desired parents you and your partner wish to be by keeping the hope alive (even if it is the smallest string of hope).

This little beauty is what kept our hope alive.......

sorry for the much needed break of blogging...

I took a break out of town with my mom and her boyfriend to Tunica for a few days of gambling. I had such a fun time. It was amazing seeing the flooding though along the ride there and back. WOW. I pray for those in the floods path.

I am going to try to upload a few videos for your viewing pleasure:
sleep over eating rules! This was taken while Julia was eating dinner one night last week. She got about 3/4 the way through her fruits, veggies and cereal and then just dropped her head two times. Luckily I had the camera right there to catch the second and final nod.

This one is of her new trick of reaching for, grabbing and feeding herself some of the gerber banana puffs. She loves these things. Thanks to our friend K and her twins that don't eat them anymore, we got this tube of puffs last week and are almost done eating them. She gets about 20 of them before dinner each night and for snakes if we are out and about around lunch time. (like today at the mall when we got her pictures taken).

roly poly she is

Julia is now rolling from her back to her front to her back again to her front. WOW. Does this mean I better child proof the outlets, put locks on the cabinets? hehe.. No, no crawling yet, but she did start pushing her legs up under her buttox and lifting her butt like she is trying to get up on all 4 limbs.

She has also discovered her up and down high pitch squeal. She still loves sucking on her toes when on her back.

My baby girl is growing up too fast. Next week she will be six months old. Where the heck has the time gone? We waited for years to have a baby and now that we have her in our lives (thanks to domestic open adoption) the time is flying by entirely too fast.

Ok, off to give her a bath and feed her.

btw, we are finally in the remodeling mode for our bathroom. The first weekend in April we will be having a contractor gut our bathroom and redo it. YEAH. No more shower doors and no more yicky caulking to deal with. We are picking out the tile this coming weekend and new bathtub. FUN. Tax return is ate up with our remodel. Thankfully we planned on this this time around. Next years tax return will hopefully bring us a new hardwood floor all through the house.

Ahhh.

Ok, maybe I'll try and get a video of her rolling over and over.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

even if you are not irish, Happy St. Patrick's day.

This will be one of a few tattoos I get in the future. I collect real 4 leaf clovers and plan on adding a tattoo of one on my lower leg one day. My Irish heritage has been traced to a town in Ireland by my late Aunt. She gave her daughter and son full trust that they are to carry out the keeping up of the family tree. Well, my cousin did go to Ireland on his honeymoon a few years back and made a point to find the town our ancestors came from and he also found a pub that a long distant relative owns. He stood in front of the bar and took a picture of the name of it too. I so wish I had that picture. I might have to call my cousin to attain a copy. Our I have searched for our family crest. I hope to one day have a copy of that too. It is a very involved crest. last note on this subject: I will travel to Ireland one day too.

Will you be eating corned beef and cabbage? Have fun, if so. I refuse to eat either. I can't stand the taste of corned beef and my belly does not tolerate cabbage. Yick.

Enjoy the green tomorrow.

wordless wednesday

splish splash I was taking a bath (tunes sung by Julia)

WARNING..... Baby in Sink taking a bath!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






sorry if these are slow to load.

baby mania, kid mania sales coming up

Yes, I am a freak when it comes to finding the local or greater St. Louis / Illinois baby / kid mania sales.

this is one coming up next weekend in Edwardsville IL
Shop ‘Til You Drop
at Kidmania
The community will find great deals on children’s and maternity
items at the Junior Service Club of Edwardsville/
Glen Carbon’s annual Kidmania community garage sale
event on Saturday, March 15, 2008. The event will be open
to the public from 8:00 a.m. – Noon and will be held at the
Edwardsville High School located in Edwardsville, Illinois.
Admission is $3.00 per person and children six and under
are free.


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Mehlville baby mania sale:
M.O.M.S. Club has the date set for their Spring Baby Mania (children tailgate sale) so you can plan ahead.

Saturday, May 3, 8:00 a.m. to 12:00

Mehlville Senior High School, 3120 Lemay Ferry Road, Front Parking Lot

xxxxxxxx
MOTC BABY SALE
APril 19th ....open to the public 1-3 pm
Lindbergh High School
xxxxx

Call: Kim @ 314-631-2448 to reserve a spot.





if you know of anymore sales like this, please let me know and I will add it to this post.

Birthmother visit and letter writing.

In an open adoption, adoptive parents and the birthparents can tend to agree to open terms (not written terms ) of when visits can happen by either party or when letters and pictures can or will be sent. So today, after a near 3 month no contact time frame) we met up with Julia's birthmother at her friends house. We also got to see Julia's two birth siblings, her birthgrandma and the friends and their daughter who hosted the gathering. We all had so much fun.

A week ago, we knew we would be meeting up with all of them and I felt a little nervous about it, but today I was not nervous at all. More curious of how things would play out this whole evening. They went better than expected and lots of pictures were taken. (For Privacy reasons, I won't post those pictures on here.) I will always cherish these moments and pictures as we can tell Julia as she grows up who each of them are and how much they mean to her and DH & I. This gift Julia's birthmother gave us the best gift any couple could ask for in their dreams of being able to become parents. Especially after 5 miscarriages, two ectopic pregnancies and many heartaches throughout the 8 years of infertility and losses.

What a joy adoption can be and is for us. Julia's birthmother made the most unselfish decision to make an adoption plan for Julia and we were blessed to have been the couple she selected and felt would be able to care for and raise Julia to the best of our ability. That was not an option for Julia's mother at that time in her life while pregnant with her and up to delivery. But she reaffirmed this belief and feeling with us tonight when she hugged us goodnight and said she was so thankful for us in her life. I whispered back into her ear that we are so thankful for her in our lives too. Sometimes that frequency of seeing each other can be months away, but we know she thinks about Julia every day and night. I know she talkes to her kids about Julia and us and how we are able to provide Julia with a great home to grow up in. It is amazing how loving the birthsiblings are with Julia too. We got some good bonding time with them both and really enjoyed catching up on how they are doing with school and such. They are so beautiful and we are so lucky to have them in our lives to share with the milestones of Julia's growth.

Today I sat down and wrote our second letter to Julia's birthmother(bm). I wanted to do this a month ago, but with being sick I slacked off a little. Julia's bm did not mind it being late and was actually very thankful for me having brought the letter along with 15 or so pictures to give to her directly. Last time I wrote the letter was when Julia was 2 months old. We had not talked to her(bm) for a while so I had sent the letter off to the agency to send it to her when she was ready emotionally to handle reading it and seeing the pictures. This was during a time when we did not converse or see her in person for a while. I did not want to make her wait for the agency to contact her to see if she was ready for the letter and pictures so I brought them with us tonight and gave them to her. They LOVED the pictures and she said she would save the letter for later to read in private. I totally respect her decision for doing that because I think it might make her a bit emotional reading about Julia's milestones in the last few months and felt she did not want to break down in front of everyone there.

I'll make sure I keep on top of the letter writing starting tomorrow until the end of the next two months. I'll have lots of updates for her and many milestones Julia is meeting and surpassing. It will be fun to journal them into her letter as they happen. That is my goal, to keep up on top of the writing as it happens. LOL Good luck, right?

I have these letters saved on flash drive and also copied what pictures I sent with the letter (didn't do that for the first letter and now I regret it. ). So this letter covered Thanksgiving, day after Turkey day doctors appointment, December milestones, Christmas update and her January milestones and updates. So the next letter will involve her first ever Valentines Day, First St. Patty's day celebration and parade in dogtown (I took a day of vacation in hopes that the weather is nice and she and I can go to the parade together), Easter and then court finalization in April. Oh and our first SPring 2008 camping trips.

I am glad that Julia's bm enjoys getting these updates. We are so thankful for her gift of Life in Julia and we can only begin to help return the rewards by sharing Julia's life feats with her. Thank Goodness for our connection. Thanks to Crissy for introducing us to this situation of adoption. And thanks to our agency, A Gift of Hope Adoptions for helping our birthmother through the rough times and us through the new experiences.

Another note is that we mentioned tonight that DH and I want to adopt again and we hoped it would happen in the next 5 years or so, but DH and I decided (more dh than me) last night that we would want to do that quicker than 5 years from now. More like 2 if we can find the means of funding another attempt to grow our family. Everyone was excited for us too. They know now that we want Julia to have a sister or brother and to make our family a family of 4. Ahhhh, amazing to feel that joy!

Now I need to go start the process of planning Julia's Forever Family Day celebration party for after her finalization in mid-April.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I want to share this with others that might still be in the process of adopting for the sake that if they choose open adoption, it can be a great sense of Joy with the amount of openness we have with our birthmother situation.


We are a family of 3, but we have such an extended family. Yes, we inherited an extended family with Julia's adoption and we welcome that through the rest of our lives. What a pure blessing. They are all family no matter who and how we got there.

did you enjoy yesterday?

the snow, did you enjoy it?


how much did u get if you live in the area?


my doggies loved it!

it was pretty when coming down. We, at work, watched the beautiful fluffy stuff fall all day. The drive down 270 to 44 east was not too bad last night. We will see this morning.

Sunday ramblings

I can't get myself into blogging much lately due to being busy with a job change at work and a very very busy little girl in our household. We also went to a fun trivia night for IAS and had a blast last night.

Today we (Julia and I) went to the new Jubilee Church to see if I would like the service and let me tell you that after being raised a catholic all my life (up until I was told I was a sinner for doing IVF to try and have a baby) this service was NOTHING like that. No old style Latin mass, but more of a worship and praise for our connection with God. I do believe in God and I do admit that I lost my faith in God when I was having all of our miscarriages and losses, but lately I am seeking out a place of worship and I think I might have found it now. I do pray at home all the time, but I also enjoy a congregation gathering too because the support can be so healthy if I find the right place.

baby stuff mentioned below....

I love being a mom and I can tell you that DH loves being a dad. Julia is such a wonderful happy child. She is quickly growing out of the infant stage into a beautiful 5 month old (27th) and has quickly developed skills for staying sitting up after we put her in a sitting position and playing with her toys. She loves to grab her feet and loves to grab EVERYTHING and put it into her mouth to chew on. She does not have any teeth, but she sure is biting hard on everything. Oh, she has also started grabbing toys and accidentally knocking herself in the head or face and making herself cry. She realized in the last few days that if we leave the room, she is lonely and cries for us. I love it.


ok, off to bed.

I promise to post more this week. It is sometimes hard to post in the evenings because dh goes to school monday nights & bowls tuesday nights so those nights are dedicated to Ms. Julia time. :-)

Thanks for that phone call from PAT

T , a fellow in town mom and blogger, mentioned PAT on her blog and that reminded me to note that we FINALLY got a call back from the local PAT rep.

We have a meeting in our house on March 26th at 6 pm with the local St. Louis parent educator at our house. I am excited to finally get to meet them, but dang it took so long for them to get back with me. I called them in the beginning of January and they called back and left me a message stating that several parent educators had left the organization, Thus it would be a few weeks before someone got back to me. Well after several weeks they did call and we booked an in person meeting finally.

I am eager to learn things I can help teach our daughter and excited to watch her grow from our learning and teaching her new things.

Has anyone ever attended their Parent group meetings? If so, how are they? What should I expect from the meetings?

I have always dreamed of being able to invest in my child's future by helping her learn and be creative. What an exciting thing I can share with her, as well as DH too. We waited for so long for her to come into our lives and now I want to make sure her eduction and skills are continually growing and shaping her for a functional future in our society. I had a strict catholic education for 12 years, but I did not follow through with going to college until much later into my 20's and 30's. I want to show our daughter that she can attend what elementary school fits her needs and whatever college can help her attain the education she deserves. I know, you might be thinking, "gosh, tubeless is sure trying hard to plan out her daughters future already when her daughter is only months old", but I defend myself in knowing that if you set your mind to something (especially things family is proud of), such as a great education, then you can achieve that and enjoy life too!

Wordless Wednesday

peek-a-boo

can you view this scrapbook?

Make a scrapbook - it's easy!

Friday Five (things to never wish upon anyone else)

1) I am allergic to shell fish so I can never (until medical science can find a new contrast) have a full CT Scan due to being allergic to the contrast dye they use to inject into your system to have the Cat Scan work fully to find out what is wrong with you, if anything. (I could not have a full ct scan when admitted to the hospital on Feb 2nd. anaphylactic shock is not an option for me to undergo this type of procedure. )

2) I can't ever have a flu shot. I am allergic to the carrier that the flu shot is in. (which apparently this flu shot given this season does not cover 3/4 of the strains of the flu out there, so it wouldn't have helped anyway according to the CDC.)

3) I am a bad stick for IV sites. Just ask the nurses at Des Peres Hospital. My poor right arm still aches.

4) Having the flu just after abdominal surgery is not the best feeling. Mother nature is cruel in having one sit on the throne and heave in a bucket at the same time!

5) Having surgery and the flu in the same week is not the best way to lose 10 lbs.

Let your imagination title this blog post.

one day at a time one meal at a time.

ugh.. don't eat chinese food only 2 weeks after having gall bladder surgery. Lets just say that you will have lots of trips to the bathroom to sit on the throne after you eat it. High fat foods (chicken low mein and egg rolls) did me in. Ugh Raising White surrender flag on that episode.

Sorry to bore you with my life right now, but it is the light of my day to share how I am feeling. LOL read on if you wish.

Today I woke up at 5 am to feed the dogs. All 4 dogs. yes, we are dog sitting for my MIL. See, MIL moved out that same weekend I had my gall bladder surgery. She didn't move but a few blocks away so we are closest to dog sit for her. She had knee surgery today and needed someone to watch Bailey for a few days. Thank goodness she gets along with our pups. It is a bug play fest in here tonight.

After I fed the dogs, I went back to bed for about 45 minutes. Then it was time to get Julia up for her feeding and changing ...I then turned her over to DH to drive to the sitters house. I am still not up for having her home all day while I recoup from this surgery and flu bout. But I think I might keep her home Friday. I'll see about that.

After DH left with Julia, I went back to bed again. I slept from 8 am until 11:30 am. Ahhh. nice. Refreshed.

I then prepped the house for the social worker visit tonight for our post placement of Julia. This is month 4 of our follow ups and will be our last in person meeting until Julia's finalization date in court on April 16th. Yes, We got a court date for her adoption finalization. I need to chat with DH about putting a small family party together for celebrating her Forever Day with us. See, the social worker just needs to confirm with us that we want to keep Julia and if she wants to keep us. Well of course we said YES!

Ok, off to bed.

socks and thumbs

How the heck can I find socks that stay on my daughter's feet? I have found the hide-a-socks (booties) are best, but now she found her feet and tends to pull them off easier. Her feet are skinny and long with no good heel bulk to keep socks on. So we fight trying to keep them on by pulling long knee high type socks over her pants if the outfit does not have built in feet. How do I combat this? I know, not a major issue, but should I invest in some shoes (like robeez) to use over her socks? Will the robeez be too big? Do they make them size 0? I know some say to not put shoes on a baby until they can walk, but what did you do to keep their socks on?

My daughter has found her thumb. Interesting that she did not suck her thumb when first born, but has not picked up the habit. What is up with that?


off to the doc tomorrow for myself. I am thinking I have more going on in my chest (lungs) and don't want to know if it will cause more delays in going back to work. I'll post more tomorrow. I see both the primary doc and the surgeon for post surgery check up. My incisions (scope port holes) are healing up finally and my abdomen is not to sore, but I continue to fight this flu and I think bronchitis now. I don't have the level of energy yet I wish to see, but I know that will come in time. Those danged antibiotics I got by IV sure killed my taste buds and due to that I have lost another 2 lbs. Since surgery I have lost 11 lbs. WoW.

Cheers and be careful out there if you are having the nasty weather we are here in St. Louis.

feeling more human as the days tick

DH took Julia to the sitter today and I am sleeping in (Well, up for a potty break). I feel much better today. I am sore, don't get me wrong, this was one of the most painful abdominal surgeries I have ever had. And I have had a few with the infertility treatments and partial hysterectomy.

TMI TMI WARNING (too much info below if you don't know what IMI means!)

I had to call to get an rx for a yeast infection. Yes, after 5 days of being on IV antibiotics, I have had to call for help. I never knew a woman could get an infection this bad, but oh it is.

Oh and another thing is my taste buds are whacked out. I know it is also from the antibiotics that killed the infection I had in my belly after surgery. BUT it stinks to not enjoy simple foods.

I have to find a low fat diet to stick to. Any suggestions?

As some of you know, a rather unpleasant side effect of gall bladder removal surgery is the bowel movement issues you have. Ugh. Lets just say I was told to take immodium on a daily basis for a while until my system is healed up in a few weeks time.

Any food suggestions would be great.


Ok, back to bed until the doc calls with my prescription ready at Walgreens


BTW, DH, I can't thank you enough for taking care of Julia while I was sick in the hospital those days and now me too while home.

hello from home

I finally made my way home today via DH! Yeah. Ok, I'm ready to take a nap. I am exhausted.

Well Des Peres Hospital has my residency!

I have been a resident of Des Peres Hospital since Saturday night. I went home Friday from surgery and by Saturday night I spiked a fever and had to come back to the emergency by 10:30 Saturday night. I hope to get out of here tomorrow, but I'll not hold my breath on that one. I think I have a combination of the flue and an infection in my belly where the gall bladder was removed. I have luckily had my mom bring up her laptop today so I could check my mail



I hope you all are well.


I hate missing my daughter and husband. The nurse suggested they should not come up here ... too many sick with the flu. Ugh. I miss them so much.

My Uncle passed away yesterday morning. I hate that I can't be there for his funeral.

I'll post when I get home soon. send some healing vibes if you can.

bye bye gall bladder

I was rushed to the hospital by some co-workers yesterday due to another gall bladder attack. It started around 9 am with pain and belching really bad. I finally gave in around noon and asked my boss to have someone drive me and my car to the hospital. Within a few hours I was taken back to surgery. My blood pressure had reached 170/111. They asked me if I was in lots of pain... Well Hell Yes. So at 3 pm I was in surgery for about 1 hour. They were able to get it removed through the laporoscopy (did I spell that right? After years of Infertility and surgeries one would think I could spell the type of surgery I had.

Ok, off to bed.

Oh, while I was at home tonight sleeping the pain off, DH woke me up to tell me he and Julia were heading to the hospital due to Julia having wiggled out of her strap on the changing table. DH said he had gone to let the dogs in while she was on the changing table and he said he heard a thud and crying. Ugh. He just called and said that she checked out ok. I called our social worker from our agency to let them know and to ask a few questions about reporting this. I am sure she will have a bump for a few days, but thank goodness she is ok.


Ok, I am ready for some sleep. I'll post more tomorrow on both of us.

Wordless Wednesday

baby, u r a star but mamma is falling apart

I flunked my hidascan for my gall bladder. Ejection/fraction rate for the dye to leave my gall bladder was only 17% and it should have been more than 70%. So I have to schedule surgery soon. After having 5 abdominal laproscopic surgeries related to my infertility, I know what it takes to prep for surgery and recovery, but I just hate the idea of any surgery on my body!

My daughter is growing like a weed.

At 4 months 2 days,
she weighs 13.1 lbs.(50 percentile)
she is 25.5 inches long.(80percentile)
and has a 50 percentile head circumference



my poor sister is sick too. man, we all need some healing vibes

How early did your baby's teeth come in?

Yes, this has turned to a parenting blog... So fair warning.


How old was your baby when s/he got their first tooth?

I am curious because I was told that one of Julia's birthsiblings got his first tooth around the age of 4 months and I swear Julia is going to have a tooth or two pop through in a few weeks time. She has no buds showing on the gums yet, but she was chewing on my fingers yesterday and I could feel very hard spots in her upper gums. Hummm, I wonder if she too will be presenting mommy and daddy with some teeth early.

I know, not all kids will be the same on teeth presentations in their sweet little mouths, but how old was your child when they did get their first tooth?

We now call her Droolia instead of Julia because she can soak a bib in 5 minutes. I had to invest in the plastic backed bibs from target these past few weeks and she goes through several bibs a day sometimes.

No complaints here, just curious how fast or slow some babies can get their teeth in.

see, she has drool everywhere! And this was between bib changes that she drooled this much.

Happy 4 months my sweetie

My sweet baby girl is 4 months old today. 10:22 pm was her birth on 9/27/07. I was in the delivery room when she was born and let me tell you I replay that moment in my mind over and over and just smile.

What a blessing her birthmother has given us. What a blessing it has been that a friend through the infertility support group in town (former) emailed us about Julia's birthmother while we were in Colorado facing a failed match in June 2007. And shortly after that, what a blessing that we were selected by Julia's birthmother to become her Adoptive parents.

I thank God for you every Day, Julia. You have made us a family instead of just being a couple. (I don't discount the days as a couple, because that is what brought us to you.)

You are the light of our lives and I am so thankful for you and your birthmother.

the telling tale

while Julia grows up, I try and find ways to incorporate her birth story and tidbits about her birthfamily every day.

Of course reading adoptive parenting books can work for some and I'll be honest and say I have learned a few things, but it is so a challenge of how I will construct every detail of her coming into this world and how much her birthmother loves her and how at that time in her life her birthmother made a decision that best fit into her life of not being able to care for her. Sometimes things just don't fit into place for everyone. I was there with our many miscarriages. They never had a proper time to hit in life, but we made plans to help get us through things and had Julia's brithmother not made the decision to make an adoption plan, we would not know this lovely little girl falling asleep next to me on the couch. Yes, I will be able to tell that part of her life story to her so maybe one day she can tell that story to family and friends if she wishes, but I want to make sure I keep doing that in life and sometimes I fear I will forget details.

I know one day she will come to me and ask me to explain her story to her again and then again. I will do that. I will do the best of my ability to recall every detail. I don't want her to ever think she was not wanted, because that is the farthest from the truth. She was so much wanted by all of her birthfamily, but things in her birthmothers life were just not fitting together to be able for her and them to be able to parent her. They wish for her to have a happy life, clothes, food, etc. That will be done and with so many thanks to her birthfamily for accepting us into their lives to take on that task and life story for Julia.

I pray for Julia's birthmother each day. I don't know how she is doing in life right now. We have seemingly gone from an open adoption relationship to a semi-open with just letters and pictures being sent to the agency for now. This is part of the process. We understood this from the social worker that this open to semi-open or even closed relationship can fluctuate from time to time. It is hard to accept it, but I know Julia's birthmother is thinking of her each day. I know my prayers are reaching her too.

I have to head to work. I'll edit this post tonight and talk more about it then.

scan done now I wait

ahhh, don't you like it when you have to wait for medical test results? The tech told me today it would be 2 business days b4 my scans get to my GI docs office. Ok, so if I don't hear from them by Tuesday, I;ll call them.

that scan reminded me in so many ways all the scans and procedures I had while going through all the infertility diagnostic steps to find out what was wrong with me and even the feeling of laying on the table (no, no stirrups were needed today) full glory hanging out for egg retrievals. Fun. Ask me about that if you want more details.

I got out of the scan in not so much pain, but more dull pain and a mean freaking headache from not eating from 5 am until 2:30 pm . tylenol is my buddy.

Ok a busy weekend ahead. I hope to bring you more of some sweet julia sweetheart pictures.

Like this one:

hidascan

I have a hidascan today to test my gall bladder to see if it the cause of my hospitalization this past week. I will hopefully post later this evening after the procedure, if not, well then I might be in surgery having it taken out if it is bad. Wish me the first option please!

I was told originally to not eat after midnight last night, but I called to confirm a few things about the test yesterday and the tech told me I could eat or drink up until 7 am this morning. Well, I had toast around 5 am so I hope that is ok. I could not fathom not eating from midnight until 1 pm this afternoon. I would have been passed out on the deck of the scanning machine and have a nasty headache to boot. I am so glad I called to confirm this and a also to find out where I had to go. The tech was a little nasty with me on the phone for not knowing these things, but I told her the doc nor the nurse told me what to do. People, come on.. that is why I called you to confirm. Biotch.

Ok, on a better note. DH got me a new palm pilot for xmas. I can't wait to get the thing set up, but for some odd reason my poor old decrepit Dell desktop is fighting me tooth and nail to get this synced up or even letting me install a new version over the old one. I WILL WIN THIS BATTLE Mr. Palm Pilot. Yes. I call it a Mister because men are stubborn and this palm is acting just like that. Ha

On the note of children, my daughter has learned how to full out giggle so hard she snorted last night. LOL

She also started eating apple sauce. She is not sure if she likes it or not, but I mixed it in with her cereal and she is doing ok with it so far. I can't wait to see how big she is on the scale at the docs next week. I know she is super long. Is 25 inches tall/long HUGE for the age of 4 months?

Wordless Wednesday

recovering after a hospital stay

we still don't know what is wrong with me, but I spent Thursday night in the ER at St. Anthony's from 6:30 pm until 1 am and then was admitted. I just got home tonight.

I think I am having gall bladder attacks, but they can't seem to figure it out yet. more on that tomorrow.

I am not digesting food well tonight after not having food since noon on Thursday. Ick.

I hope to avoid the ER again and book my hidascan either on Monday or Tuesday. Wish me luck. I hear it is painful.

They did rule out a stomach ulcer with todays endoscopy. Fun.

Ok, Julia is sleeping and I am going to catch some winks myself.

Stay well and away from the ER if you can. I am sure trying to avoid it again.

wordless wednesday (kinda late)

Eff you Tyra...

Apparently Tyra Bnaks put out a call for a future show.. Oh I can't wait to find out when it is on so I can tivo it and then get on every resourceful phone, email letter writing jog I can to rip her a new ARSEHOLE. I hear words flying throughout the infertility community that Tyra did wrong by those on the show that were really there for educational purposes and those people got rubbed the wrong way by her and the producers. BIOTCH Let me at her. Dare her to hurt our cyber friends this way. I am waiting for a new update from one of their blogs to tell me when the show airs. I'll post it for you too.

Now if I watch the show and Tyra really does in good heart help these ladies/men struggling to building their families, them I'll take back my words, but from what I get out of the cyberworld info, it might not be a very nice show ... maybe one of the most offensive shows to us in the Infertility, Miscarriage, Adoption communities.

Adoption for some is not a cure all for those with infertility or miscarriages.

Surrogacy for some is not a cure all.

Heck, do you really know what it costs to go through 5 fresh IVF cycles? I do

Heck, Do you really know what it costs for a gestational surrogate? I do, I did my research. go ahead and ask me in a comment here. I'll tell you what my research found in the cost department that this Average Joe household income can't even touch with a 500 foot pole.

Heck, Do you (Tyra) know how wrong it is to tell an infertile couple to "just Adopt" Oh let me tell you that Oprah made that mistake and made an uproar in the IF / Adoption community. The wrong PC thing to say to any couple dealing with losses of fertility and miscarriages and failed adoptions. Just wrong.

Producers of these types of shows, shame on you for not interviewing the infertile couple out there first before diving into a show and really making some bad judgement calls on topics and such.

Ok more on this later when I find out the date that Tyra Banks has scheduled her show for.

if you have heard of when this show will air, please post to me here.

Bahahaha.... A birthday funny

this was posted to me in a forum I belong to. TOO FUNNY.




Yes, a young 38 I turn today. It was a great day of being pretty lazy. I slept in, Thanks to my DH! I woke up to my daughter smiling at me from her daddy's arms. I had fun being a lazy butt on the couch and some on the floor with Julia playing on her blanket. I did do a few loads of laundry, or at least started them. I got the new U2 Joshua Tree collection (funny thing was that DH wrapped my gift up in Julia's blanket! hahaha too cute.) and I have a birthday cake waiting for me that DH baked. Lemon cake with cream cheese frosting. It has an Over the Hill candle that plays the funeral march song (dh is funny!ha) and a Little Mermaid candle and two candles to show my age, but DH was trying to be funny and put the candles on there to say I am 83 instead of 38. Bah

One of the most precious gifts I have today is our daughter, Julia!

Thank you for a great day and weekend of celebrating. We went to the movies to see Juno on Friday night, we went to dinner at Latawata Creek grill in IL last night and today was a nice day at home. Ahhh. I wish I had taken tomorrow off to sleep in again.

Julia's first roll over

Let me know if you can't view this video. I've been having a hard time finding an online service to upload it to so I could post it here for you all to see. I was just checking my camera for previous photos and videos when I noticed Julia flipping over. I got 3/4 of her flip. She had already flipped to her side and I got her on video flipping back over.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

sweet jeezus, she rolled over tonight by her self

i promise video tomorrow night

Thanks to the Blues

we had great seats and a great night at the hockey game.
We won 1 to 0.

Fun.

GO BLUES

I'm not sure where our seats are, but who cares! There is not a bad seat in Savvis!

Julia is not going, she is staying home with grandma.

Daddy's little girl

(this post jumps all over the place, sorry to make you try and keep up)

I swear, Julia has her daddy wrapped around her little finger! She loves sitting on his chest facing him and talking to him. It is so cute to watch.

Julia has found her voice and loves to exercise it both is joy and frustration. She surprises herself with high pitched sounds and then gets excited after she hears that pitch. LOL Today she was in giggles talking to her daddy and her grandma. Grandma said she loves talking to Julia the most when she is on her changing table. Yes, something with the changing table transforms Julia into a chatterbox. She lifts her legs high into the air and then chatters up a storm. Waving her arms around too, she is almost telling us a fun story.

Julia ate her first real serving of Rice Cereal with a spoon. Oh she took to it right away. I got it on video, but honest, I won't post it here due to those that like to critique my house> LOL We were undecorating from Christmas and it was messy. I sat her in her bumbo seat with the tray attached and she took the first little bit and spit it out, but then she quickly smacked her lips asking for more. I tried and she did take it in and swallowed it. I continued to give her little 1/4 baby spoon fulls. She ate it up. Watch out. The girl has an appetite to beet the bandit. Now we will do her cereal with a little bit of a bottle at night. Not to help her sleep, but to satisfy her hunger. She is ravenous lately.

This coming week I will make my call to Parents as Teachers.

This coming week I hope to get to the root of all of the toys in her nursery she got for Christmas. Yes, I have not opened them all yet, nor gotten batteries put in all the toys yet.

Hey, a question for fellow moms out there. Is it worth purchasing rechargeable batteries for her toys? or should I stick with just buying Duracell? (yes, I have proven tested most of the techie equipment at work works best with Duracell.

We hope to be able to celebrate a late Christmas in the next week or so with Julia's birthmother and family. I hope she calls soon. I miss seeing them.

I must say, after waiting so long to become a parent, Julia has made my Holidays so much brighter and so much more enjoyable. The empty feeling of missing a child in our lives has been filled. Even DH said tonight "She makes our lives complete". Ahhhh.
I will say that I look forward to having her on my hip for celebrating my birthday next weekend. Fun.

Oh, I need to plug a trivia night. If any of you are interested in a fun trivia event, the local Infertility and Adoption support group is hosting a trivia night in February. Please go to their web site to check out coming details. Post here or email me if you need details.
I can't wait.


Bec