Perfect Moment Monday: A wonderful Mother's Day gift

I Capture
Perfect Moments.

After sending off the box the other day with two cards and two flip photo books and some games for Julia's birth siblings and Birthmother this past week, I figured I would not hear from her birthmother or family for a while. That sometimes happens when I want them to contact me back asap after sending them something, but *secretly* I have had wishes to hear from them sooner than later, but never get my hope up with living from experience in the 2.5 years of Julia's life.

Well, yesterday, to my surprise, while celebrating Mother's Day at Grants Farm with my hubby, daughter and another couple and their twins (my IF friend who GETS IT), I got a text message from someone. I popped into the shade (please remind me to wear sunscreen and to put it on dear daughter too for the next outing!) while at GF and looked at my text message. I figured it was a Target mobile coupon day or junk text from my phone carrier service or something like that, but NOOOOOOO, It was from H, Julia's Birthmother. WOOOOOHOOOOOOOO.

Realizing it was from her made me well up with tears. I was so stinkin' excited. It really did make my heart swell with excitement. I read it once and then again and again. I pulled hubby aside while Julia was feeding the goats and told him what the text msg said. He smiled and said Happy Mother's Day to me.

She wished me a Happy Mother's day and said she was texting from her new cell # and to bookmark that # now.

We went on to text each other about 5 more times. I can't tell you how much this filled in that void that was happening in my heart from not having heard from them in so long. I was afraid it might be months before they actually snail mailed us back or even phoned our cell #'s. Which, we sign every card and letter with our names and both cell #'s just in case they might get the itch to call.


That is my most recent Perfect Moment.


More Perfect Monday Moments at Lori's Weebles Wobblog!

Bliss in Approaching my first Mother's Day. (if, mc, adoption ment)

All the years growing up, I would make a mothers day card from scratch for my mom in school. About 3 weeks before mother's day we would take plastic egg cartons and cut them up into two by two by two..etc... We would be in class, lay out some newspaper to protect the floor and scoop dirt from a bag the teacher would bring in into the cartons, take the end of a pencil and put a hole in the dirt about 1/2 way down. We then took a gerber daisy seed and plant it in that dirt. We watered them every afternoon in class and then when the Friday before Mother's day came around, we were given our precious hand grown seedlings in a small brown paper bag to take home. We were instructed to NOT give them to our mothers until Sunday. Let me tell you, it was such a joy to make that card to go along with that seedling and see the smile on my mom's face as she opened that brown bag that very Sunday morning when I woke up. Sure, she really did know what she was getting in that bag, but it was sure bliss on my part to know I put so much love and care into that gift and it made her day.

Well, let me state that my Mother's day is going to be that, PURE BLISS. I plan on soaking in every moment with my husband and daughter knowing we are a family we had so hoped for in so many previous sad heartbroken Mother's days past. When we started trying to conceive back in 1999, I was ignorant to the idea of ever having problems of having a baby in our lives. When Mother's day in 2000 approached, I was heartbroken again to know we had lost two angels to heaven by then. I started to build that fear of thinking we would never be able to have a baby. I would never be able to celebrate my very first Mother's day. Then the next 6 years past with diminished hope year after year, day after day, minute after minute.

I realized after our last loss in November 2005 that it was time to find a new way to build that family we had dreamed of for so long. We wanted to be able to share our love for parenting. We wanted to go to family gathering with a son or daughter attached to our hip. We longed for the nights we would rock our baby to sleep and watch them wake up with a smile. We looked forward to the challenges. I can now say that after having finalized Julia's adoption this past month, I am slowly let my guard down of expectant disappointment. Fear of my body failing me once again, fear of letting my husband go one more year without becoming a father. But now I can bask in the bliss of smelling our daughters bald head of the beautiful baby lotion after her bath. I can do those things. This is what makes it blissful.

I am a mother and it feels so wonderful to say that. (Thank you to Julia's birthmother for making this all possible.)

Ladies, those of you that are still trying to become that mother you always dreamed you would be, hang in there. The wait, the pain, the fears will be soothed over for you eventually. I know, the waiting is just not fair -It Sucks!, but I will stand by you to not give up hope for you to achieve that goal. This little baby you dream of is out there and will eventually touch your heart in the most special way and will make your first Mother's day THE BEST EVER.


Grant us the hope
Spare us the pain
don't let us mope
Love for a child is what we want to gain

Waiting is painful
Days are long
hope of Rewards are blissful
It makes us all that strong

Sometimes our chin hangs low
But Your dream is there
Grasp it now and fro
for the dreams bring you that hug able bear!

dealing with memories (miscarriage, pregnancy, adoption mentioned below!)

remembering our expectant due dates with miscarriages.......

The majority of us women that suffer through miscarriages have this spot in our hearts that will never let us forget when we got pregnant, when we miscarried, when our pregnancy due date was(is) and how it felt to be pregnant. I keep this in my heart. I don't speak it to the public because so many just don't understand the pain associated with the losses of our kind. They mean well, but their words of comfort sometimes come out wrong and become stab wounds I have to again heal from so I just don't mention it anymore. Yes, I am so thankful we did get pregnant. I know so many women that go through fertility treatments don't ever achieve pregnancy and I do respect that. Again, I am just speaking my mind and heart here on my blog.
I do remind my husband of these dates when they happen, I whisper them in his ear that morning of each anniversary date of these sad events. He will then in turn hug me and tells me he loves me. He knows I will remember this and always tell him when these days approach. This is my portal to be able to SHOUT out to the world that our sweet babies is in heaven. No, I don't get mad at my husband for not mentioning it, I just think this is a woman's vice we have, we just always remember these types of things. I do let him know so that he can be my rock that day and remember with me that we were able to get pregnant and we were so thankful for that. He grieves right along with me too for our losses. I usually will shed a tear or two, but only in silence in my own corner of my cube or bed or at the computer late at night when I can't sleep and am thinking of my angels in heaven.

This year on Mother's day I want to release 9 balloons towards the heavens in recognition of all the angels we have in our hearts.

I always asked God "WHY, WHY must I suffer so many miscarriages", but I will never regret having tried to get pregnant. I do regret that it took us nearly 8 years of losses to realize the ultimate goal of which was to become PARENTS. Yes, we were parents to our angels in heaven, but we so longed to become parents to an Earth Angel and we give Thanks every day for Julia in our lives. Again, I have said this before, had we not gone through all the days of trying to conceive, our two ectopic pregnancies, our five miscarriages(including two sets of twins that were due May 7th and May 10th in two different years),we would not have gone down the path of domestic open adoption like we did. I know, it is a seesaw of good and bad, the bad was outweighing the good for some many months of trying to conceive, then finally if we were blessed enough to get pregnant, we would miscarry. It was enough to bring me down to a very hard low in emotions and physical being, But I did not let that stop my dream of becoming a mother and watching my husband become a father. We did not want to live childless after infertility and miscarriages. We stood strong and did our research to know that I could not carry a baby so we looked at surrogacy and then international and or domestic adoption. We chose domestic open adoption and we did become parents.

Nearly nine and a half long years, we remember our angels in heaven each day and celebrate our transition into parenthood with the birth and raising of our beautiful daughter.

God works his wonders in mysterious ways for some. I do believe he had a plan for us and I am thankful we finally reached that plan.

I extend a Happy Mother's Day wish to all of us out there that have angels in heaven and now earthly angels too.

ladies, don't give up hope that you will one day be a mother to the child you are destined to meet.

tears are shed not just a few.
you once grew in me
I lost you, but I love you