the telling tale

while Julia grows up, I try and find ways to incorporate her birth story and tidbits about her birthfamily every day.

Of course reading adoptive parenting books can work for some and I'll be honest and say I have learned a few things, but it is so a challenge of how I will construct every detail of her coming into this world and how much her birthmother loves her and how at that time in her life her birthmother made a decision that best fit into her life of not being able to care for her. Sometimes things just don't fit into place for everyone. I was there with our many miscarriages. They never had a proper time to hit in life, but we made plans to help get us through things and had Julia's brithmother not made the decision to make an adoption plan, we would not know this lovely little girl falling asleep next to me on the couch. Yes, I will be able to tell that part of her life story to her so maybe one day she can tell that story to family and friends if she wishes, but I want to make sure I keep doing that in life and sometimes I fear I will forget details.

I know one day she will come to me and ask me to explain her story to her again and then again. I will do that. I will do the best of my ability to recall every detail. I don't want her to ever think she was not wanted, because that is the farthest from the truth. She was so much wanted by all of her birthfamily, but things in her birthmothers life were just not fitting together to be able for her and them to be able to parent her. They wish for her to have a happy life, clothes, food, etc. That will be done and with so many thanks to her birthfamily for accepting us into their lives to take on that task and life story for Julia.

I pray for Julia's birthmother each day. I don't know how she is doing in life right now. We have seemingly gone from an open adoption relationship to a semi-open with just letters and pictures being sent to the agency for now. This is part of the process. We understood this from the social worker that this open to semi-open or even closed relationship can fluctuate from time to time. It is hard to accept it, but I know Julia's birthmother is thinking of her each day. I know my prayers are reaching her too.

I have to head to work. I'll edit this post tonight and talk more about it then.