just a link to note for myself.

http://www.surrogenesisusa.com/html/about_us.html

DH asked me tonight what I would do if we won the lottery jackpot. I said I would most likely be at work and ask for an immediate 1/2 day of work. Get in my Tribute and drive to find DH at his work. (winning Lotto ticket tucked snug in my bra) and then tell him he has to take the afternoon off. VERY VERY important. Grab him, put him in the tribute, head to lunch down at the Tap Room and ask him how he wants to spend the rest of his life after he quits his job in a few weeks time. He would then laugh at me.

I then slide the winning lotto ticket out of my brazier and slide it over to him on the table with a piece of paper confirming that tickets matching winning numbers. I can see his face now, scrunched up eye brows, jaw slowly opening in a "0" position and gasps the words "WE WON" .. oh yeah.

I am not giving up on this dream. Then I told him I would pay off the house. Find some property and build a replica of my house I grew up in in Shaw Neighborhood. 3 story brick 6 bedroom 2 bath with full family room, dining room butlers pantr piano bay window and a fully stocked kitchen. I so miss my old house that I would have a replica built to the T. THEN.....

I would call my work back and ask my boss to set up a meeting with him to start interviewing my replacement siince I will be retiring in a few weeks (from that winning ticket discovery date). I would pay off all the bills, THEN and only THEN (after telling family already ) I would HIRE a Gestational Surrogate to carry a baby for us.

Oh this is a subject DH and I have been discussing again recently, but Lord knows it is a complicated process and I am not so sure what it would cost (estimates take it up around 40-55,000 , yes, you read that right).... BUT if we win the lottery then we would have no worries about cost. Just knowing wee would need a house for several kids because we could afford it and have a surrogate bare several children in the next few years for us.

Speaking of kids, DH and I both think 2 kids are a great number, but man I so want 3 or even 4. With going through IF for so many years, I gave up the dream of 4 kids or so and stuck with 2, but hey, if I could afford to do 3 or 4 surrogacy cycles with a blessed surrogate then I would in a heartbeat.

Meantime, I keep playing the lottery. I quick pick. I sometimes get a matched powerball like this past weekend, but mainly I only get 1 number or two on a whole sheet of 5 sets. I WILL DREAM and I do believe DREAMS DO COME TRUE.. I just hope I am that lucky recipient of a DREAM CATCHING then PUT INTO REAL LIFE action.

All I gotta do is dream.

AND HOPE.

Renewed

We cleaned and cleaned the house, It so needed it, but it was for the home study really.

Our home study is renewed. Now we are home study ready again and continue thinking forward in hopes that our profile is shown again soon.

Oh and btw, if you are having to renew your home study after waiting for one year, you will be so relaxed about the in home visit from the social worker the second time around. Much easier than that first time. Thanks to our social worker, she makes us feel so comfortable. She even brought cookies for our pups. Sadie (youngest pup) loves the social worker so much she was nipping at her bracelet. Good Lord, I need to put Sadie in classes to calm her down. Lindsey and Hannah (older dogs ) loved the social worker too.

We did have our profile shown to a potential birthmother situation this past week. It felt good being active again. Sadly we were not selected by the perspective birthmother, but there was no particular reason given as to why were were not selected. Sometimes pbm's don't have lots of comments as to why they don't select some of the profiles they are shown. I am ok with this as we know it was not something we couldn't change in our profile.

I hope and pray that we continue to see potential situations arise. I keep thinking that "It will be our turn someday, It WILL". I find myself thinking about it often when I have idle time. Such as today, I was out power washing the deck after being over at MMW's house. I kept thinking, "I know we will catch the eye of a pbm(potential birthmother), one little thing about us as a couple will warm the heart of a pbm and she will select us to be included in her adoption plan. It will happen.

Meantime, I often wonder what is wrong with us. What things might a pbm find wrong with us, what have we said wrong in our profile, or what might we have been able to say more about to help the pbm find us to be that couple she wishes to include in her adoption plan? I know, it is not something we can control, her decision that is, but I have to trust that we will be that match for a pbm one day soon. Maybe our camping love will catch her eye and heart, maybe our doggies will, maybe that we own a house in a great neighborhood, maybe she will like the flower pots on the front porch, but maybe just maybe she will just like our smiles in the pictures we sent. I find myself seeking what she must feel, yet I will never understand what she is going through. BUT I do know that one thing in our lives will fancy the eye and heart of a pbm. No matter how tiny one eye catching thing might be or how HUGE it might be, it will happen.

Oh.. btw, the next Harry Potter book is getting closer for release:

have you served your duty?

I received, filled out and returned a survey a few weeks back from the federal courts. Yup, that means I am most likely set in the pool for Federal Grand Jury service. I told DH that I had a feeling that life will pull a Murphy's law on us and we would be blessed with an adoption match or placement and I at the same time I would be called for Federal Grand Jury duty. I don't know why, but when I get these feelings, they usually happen as I feel them. Anyone have Federal Grand Jury duty before? I heard you will be put on what is considered an on call list. They would call you ahead of time to say you may be called up to duty on such and such days. Is that true? I have a co-worker that was called up and actually served on a jury for 2 weeks straight. Not sequestered, but in court each day for 14 days.

I love this weather. I wish it could be like this each day of the year. Nice to come home to DH having put the fans in the windows. The house is aired out. The dogs have been ordered to NOT SHED.. bahahaha. The kitty has been instructed to keep her litter box clean. Ha. We are nearly ready for our visit from the social worker Thursday night.

Prayers to those that were killed at Virgina Tech.

progress is good

Our home study renewal is set for this week. Yeah. I like this because it makes me feel things are moving forward again.

adoption lingo

Adoptive Families magazine has a great web site. Check it out
Also, below is a list of adoption terms/words/phrases some might have never heard of. JFYI These terms are from the Adoptive Families web site:
If you have questions about one of the terms or more, feel free to post and I can try and help understand it. I don't claim to know them all, but I bet I can try and find you an answer.

Adoptee. A person who was adopted. Some people prefer the terms adopted child or adopted person.
Adoption. The complete transfer of parental rights and obligations from one parent or set of parents to another. A legal adoption requires a court action.
Adoption agency. An organization, usually licensed by the state, that provides services to birth parents, adoptive parents and children who need families. Agencies may be public or private, secular or religious, for profit or nonprofit. Search for an adoption agency in AF's national directory.
Adoption assistance. Monthly federal or state subsidy payments to help adoptive parents raise children with special needs.
Adoption attorney. A lawyer who files, processes and finalizes adoptions in court. In some states attorneys may also arrange adoptive placements. Search for an adoption attorney in AF's national directory.
Adoption consultant or adoption facilitator. Individual whose business involves connecting birth parents and prospective adoptive parents for a fee (only allowed in a few states). In international adoption, a facilitator may help adoptive parents complete the adoption in the child’s country of origin.
Adoption plan. Birthparents’ decisions to allow their child to be placed for adoption.
Adoption tax credits. Nonrefundable credit that reduces taxes owed by adoptive parents who claim adoption expense reimbursment on federal taxes (and in some states with similar legislation, on state taxes). Through the IRS program, in tax year 2005, adoptive parents could take advantage of up to $10,630 in tax credits to offset qualifying adoption expenses. The credit began to phase out for taxpayers with modified adjusted gross incomes (AGI) greater than $159,450, and was unavailable to taxpayers with AGIs above $199,450. The maximum amount may rise slightly in 2006, so check the IRS site in late 2005. The credit calculation can include adoption expenses, court fees, attorney fees and travel expenses. Consult your accountant and visit http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc607.html and
http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/i8839.pdf for further details.
Adoption triad. The three major parties in an adoption: birthparents, adoptive parents and adopted child. Also called adoption triangle or adoption circle.
Agency adoption. Adoptive placements made by licensed organizations that screen prospective adoptive parents and supervise the placement of children in adoptive homes until the adoption is finalized.
Birthparent. A child’s biological parent.
Closed adoption. An adoption that involves total confidentiality and sealed records.
Confidentiality. The legally required process of keeping identifying or other significant information secret. Also, the principle of ethical practice that requires social workers and other professionals not to disclose information about a client without the client’s consent.
Consent to adopt or consent to adoption. Legal permission for the adoption to proceed.
Decree of adoption. A legal order that finalizes an adoption.
Dossier. A set of legal documents used in international adoption to process a child’s adoption or assignment of guardianship in the foreign court.
Employer benefits. Compensation to workers through employer-sponsored programs, e.g., financial assistance, reimbursement of adoption expenses and/or provision of parental or family leave. For a list of employers who provide benefits, visit www.adoptionfriendlyworkplace.com.
Finalization. The final legal step in the adoption process; involves a court hearing during which the judge orders that the adoptive parents become the child’s legal parents.
Foster parents. State- or county-licensed adults who provide a temporary home for children whose birth parents are unable to care for them.
Homestudy. A process through which prospective adoptive parents are educated about adoption and evaluated to determine their suitability to adopt. Learn how to survive the homestudy.
ICPC. The Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC) is statutory law that establishes uniform legal and administrative procedures governing the adoption of children between states within the U.S. For more information, visit www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=497 or http://icpc.aphsa.org. Identifying information. Information on birth parents or adoptive parents that discloses their identities.
Independent adoption. An adoption facilitated by other than an adoption agency.
Legal guardian. A person who has legal responsibility for the care and management of a person (such as a minor child) who is incapable of administering his or her own affairs.
Legal risk placement. Placement of a child in a prospective adoptive family when the child is not yet legally free for adoption.
Open adoption. An adoption that involves some amount of initial and/or ongoing contact between birth and adoptive families, ranging from sending letters through the agency to exchanging names and/or scheduling visits.
Photo listings. Photos and descriptions of children who are available for adoption.
Placement. The point at which a child begins to live with prospective adoptive parents; the period before the adoption is finalized.
Postplacement supervision. The range of counseling and agency services provided to the adoptive family after the child’s placement and before the adoption is finalized in court.
Private adoption. See Independent adoption
Private agencies. Nongovernmental adoption agencies licensed by the state.
Public agencies. Social service agencies run by state or county governments that deal mainly with children in foster care.
Readoption. For a child adopted in another country, a second adoption in a U.S. court. For more information, read www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=292.
Relative adoption. Adoption by a biological relative of the child.
Relinquishment. Voluntary termination of parental rights. Some prefer the phrase making an adoption plan.
Reunion. A meeting between an adopted person and birth parents or other birth relatives.
Search. An attempt to locate and/or make a connection with a birth parent or a biological child.
Semi-open adoption. An adoption in which a child’s birth parents and adoptive parents may meet once or twice but exchange primarily nonidentifying information.
Special-needs children. Children whom agencies consider difficult to place because of emotional or physical disorders, age, race, membership in a sibling group, history of abuse or other factors.
Transracial adoption. An adoption in which the child and parent(s) are not of the same race. Visit AF's transracial adoption page to find resources and learn more.
USCIS. U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service, a federal agency under the Justice Department that oversees all visas issued to allow entry into the U.S.
U.S. State Department. Maintains extensive information about international adoption procedures around the world on it Web site: http://travel.state.gov/family. Waiting children. Children in the public child welfare system who cannot return to their birth homes and need permanent, loving families to help them grow up safe and secure. Visit www.adoptuskids.org for more information.

Adapted from the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse (http://naic.acf.hhs.gov/).

mmeeeoowwww , puuurrrrrrr

My 14 year old diabetic calico kitty was just sitting in my arms, front paws draped over my shoulder and she was purrrrinnnnggg like a wild kitty after a wonderful tummy filling meal. She loves me, I love her.

As google defines: purr (ing) : A soft trilling call of contentment

She is content!
She is Gizmo
She is 14
She is diabetic
She is purring
She loves me
I love her

please pray that her cancer is not back

I hope you can get to the link.. if not

caringbridge.com

visit a page

"nataliet" is her name and jounral space.


http://www.caringbridge.org/cb/viewHome.do

Ahhh, Mondays are mun'days

oh ho hum... back to work after a nice cold weekend of camping. Yes, call us crazy, but we did go camping. Thanks to our friends, they did build a rocking hot fire Saturday night so we were able to stay outside and enjoy.

On the Adoption front, no news. Our adoption agency said they have hit a dry spell of any potential birthmother contacts. Please say a prayer that our agency hears something soon. I hate waiting, but I know in due time it will happen for us. I just can't wait for that phone to ring with our agency owner/social worker on the other end to ask us if it is ok to show our profile.

Speaking of profiles, I was wondering if we should work on creating a new profile and redoing our dear birthmother letter?! I will sit down with the agency owner soon and ask this of her. I hope we don't have a chance to really do this in hopes that the agency will call with a potential situation first.

Meantime, I am keeping busy trying to sell on Ebay. I am not making much headway, but we did make enough cash from late December to early APril to pay cash for our homestudy renewal that I will call later this week to book for later April.

One fun thing this week that happened was a fellow support group attendee is now a new mom by adoption of her son. She told us the whole story in our support group and it was really heartwarming to know it can happen, a placement will happen for us and how one day we might have a bad day of waiting to be outweighed by a great day of meeting our son or daughter. I was almost in tears hearing about how she met the birthmother in the hospital. It was so surearl hearing her story, yet so promising that we WILL get that call eventually to say we are matched and then meet our potential baby.

Ok, off to work. DH Is home sick. yick. I hope he gets paid for her day off sick as Friday was a holiday for him. I am sure he will have to get a doctors note for retunring to work. I hope he does not have a really bad cold coming on. He can keep that crap to himself.

Ahhhh, lots of ebay stuff to do tonight. Ship ship ship is what my night will consist of. I think I have 6 or 7 things to pack up and ship tomorrow. Ahhhh.

a warming thought.. blooming tulips

now by time I have posted this, the tulips are gone and the weather is near cold enough to snow, but I love seeing these blooms as it brings warm thoughts to my frozen head.

hope hope and more hope

tomorrow morning, well in a few hours that is, I will be at the hospital for the birth of my new niece or nephew. Exciting! I know, some of you might think, "well why is she doing that - going to the hospital after having such bad experiences with IF and miscarriages and such" - well, this is my niece or newphew being born and born to parents that struggled to achieve this miracle pgcy. I am excited for them and this makes my drive even more solid to want to adopt soon so we can have cousins the same age to be able to have fun together and many play dates etc....

Speaking of adopting, nothing .. nada... zilch in the way of calls or potential leads. I am thinking we need to expand our "advertising" by leaps and bounds. I can't believe we have waited over a year so far. Yes, the agency did say it could take 18-24 months to have a potential match and baby in arms, but dangitalready, I am tired of waiting. We waited and waited with baited breath for nearly 8 years going through infertility and now another year on top of that for the adoption wait. We have been patient, but that is wearing thin now. We were going to renew our homestudy a few weeks back., but that has been pushed off a few more weeks (for good reasons by our social worker). I know the agency is trying hard to advertise and network so I don't lay fault on them at all. I just need to get my butt in gear to maybe send out our profile to several contacts I have too. This means working on a new pictures profile set up. I am thinking of hiring a service to help us. (our agency owner does this). AND then sending out a "cover letter" if you will, to explain that we are wanting to adopt and maybe just maybe we will be blessed with an independent contact of a potential situation. Ahhhh, I will NEVER GIVE UP HOPE.

I babysat tonight for C & G and it was so nice to see their son D and daughter B. We had a great time coloring, chatting, playing Power Rangers and watching Shrek 2. Love that movie btw. Did I hear rumors that there is a Shrek 3 coming out?

C passed my name onto 3 or 4 other couples for babysitting jobs. YEAH. BUT I had to warn C that our camping season is fast approaching (2 weekends booked in April already) so if she emails me then I will email her my camping schedule so I can book other dates around there. She knows that the funds I make from babysitting are helping with the adoption fundraising so she is so kind to help pass out my contact. AND I LOVE BABYSITTING. These kiddos are so sweet to me and I really enjoy the constructive time plus it keeps me thinking that my motherly skills are being sharpened for when we become parents too. hehe

Oh, my tulips.. They are so beautiful, even if it is only 4 of them. I promise I will post pictures this weekend.


GO CARDINALS. I will try and post some pictures from the Cardinals game Sunday. FUN.

Prayers go out to my cousin that is ill with cancer. I hate CANCER. I FUC*ING HATE IT.

Ok, off to bed and then to the hospital in a few hours.

Cheers for a great weekend.

21 items on ebay for fundraising for adoption..

Come check them out.

The perfect gift for that new baby in your life or a perfect shower gift for the new mom-to-be.

my ebay items

ALso, would love your feedback on these items. Do the auctions look ok?

We have raised the 350.00 for our next part of the homestudy renewal that I hope to call and book here in the next 3 weeks or so. YEAH. CASH(or check actually but worth cash!!!) and then I plan on paying the next step with cash. Oh, we did pay the cash for two co-pays for our physicals, 20.00 each. 10.00 to the state criminal background check, What else? Hmmm, at least those were cash paid items. I love it.

Every little bit helps. Thanks to my mom and her hard work with helping me make these baby bottle holders and blankets and roll pillows.

If you ever find something you want to list on ebay, but don't have the time, I am at yoru service. The service donation fee you would give goes directly towards our adoption costs. I will even breakdown the costs for you as to what they went for. Items for example: Vintage albums, those little waterford crystal ring holders for women. Brand name jeans for women and kids. It takes some research on my part to find what sells, just tell me what you have and I can set it up for you and give you a % of what would cost you to have me list and sell it for you.

Trying to think of a clever "ebay Store" name. any suggstions ?

4 tulip buds? OMG.. Yes indeed

While walking out of the house to leave for work, I stopped and looked at the rising tulip stalk I mentioned in my earlier post and OMG.. there are 4 buds on there. I was laughing so hard. This mishap of a once planted upside down bulb (not my doing), thought to have been dug up, now producing miracle bulbs of tulip has 4... count them ONE TWO THREE FOUR buds on it and are about a week from blooming. WOOOOHOOOOO. My green thumb is at work. Eventhough I did not do a darn thing except try to dig it up one day and missed it, My bulb populated itself and now has quadrupled in quantity. I LOVE IT. Maybe next year it will quadruple again.. and so on.

Ahhh, got the window fans out of the attic and put them in action yesterday afternoon to bring in the cooler air and let me tell you, it is great sleeping weather.

Spring makes me happy

Bring it on. I love watching the trees bud and bloom. I love the yellow Forsythia Bush that is blooming in my back yard and along the highway 40 ramps. Tulips are staring to come up.

I have one lone tulip coming up in the yard. It is a red bud or at least it was the last few years.

There is a story behind this tulip. ( I will take a picture and post it when it blooms). The people that lived here b4 us prior to 1994 planted hundreds of tulips in the backyard and front yard. Well when we moved in in December of 1994 I had no clue what was plated here until the Spring of that year. Nice tulip leafs, but no buds, no flowers... What? Yes, the idiots that planted them put everyone of them UPSIDE DOWN in the ground. You might ask why this Upside down is so important.. well, the blub of a tulip has to be planted a certain way so the growing leafs and stalk that produce the flower bud grow straight up into the air. If you plant them upside down then the growth is stunted and the stalk never produces a flower bud thus no flower cups. I love tulips, but I knew I had to dig them up. I spent 2 nights doing this that Spring. I did not have a place to plant them again after relandscpaping. So no more tuplips.

Or so I thought.

I noticed 2 years after I dug them all up that I have one tulip leaf bunch coming up in the dirt along the front of my porch. The leafs only got about 2 inches tall and quickly died. So I did not try and dig it up. I thought it has totally died and it would not come back, but I was wrong. The next Spring it came back and even taller. So I dug it up. The next Spring, another taller set of leaves showed up. What? I dug them up! Well I must have missed a little bulb in the dirt and with moving the dirt around it must have set itself Upright ... SO for the last several years I have been the proud mamma of one lone Red tulip in my yard. I love it. I look forward to it growing each Spring. Then I get sad when the pettles fall off. BUT I know it will come back strong the next year.... FUN.

Spring also brings the new hope that the phone starts ringing soon with potential birthmother situations. This time last year we had gotten a call already to possibly show our profile to a situation, but we had decided to decline the situation. BUT it gives me hope that there are possible situations to come sooner than later.

Tomorrow is the baby sale(read previous post). I asked my friend K to go with me and she offered to drive. FUN. I hope she finds a few things for her girls. I know I don't have much to buy, but I will always find a good bargain or two that I can't pass up. I can't buy any more gender specific items since we don't have a match with a potential birthmother yet so I will refrain from buying any. Well, ok, maybe one or two outfits. Maybe. LOL

Our weekends are quickly booking up with things to do now. Camping soon, more babysitting, family member due with our next niece or newphew in a few days from now. Birthday party for my to be 1 year old niece. Then we get to book our homestudy renewal date for later in April or early May. I like being busy with fun things like this.

Prayers to a friend from the old IF support group. She and her DH are adopting and even had their new son in arms in another state, but the birthfather surfaced just after the birth and apparently got custody of the baby. I am so heartbroken for R and her DH. Prayers for healing for them.

Ahhh, the landscaping guy just showed to measure for an estimate on our backyard to resod it. We have grubs and he said they will have to kill those first and then kill out the grass(weeds) before they can till the yard to level it and then lay the new sod. FUN. I want a nice green grass, but the landscaping company will do a little research first on what grass grows well in this climate (hahaha stick around st. louis, the weather will be different tomorrow!!!) and what grass will hold up with 3 dogs that will need to use the yard for a potty. The front yard is very plush and won't need to be worked on. I can't wait for the new grass though. Oh and the cost is very very minimal compared to having to be deal with the possiblity of divorced from doing the work on the yard ourselves. LOL If you have ever worked on a project with your spouse/so then you know what I mean by possible divorce.

I need to get busy working on cutting out more bottle holders this weekend.

CHEERS TO SPRING.

baby mania sales .. I so can't wait

I went to edwardsville il today to the kids resell-it-sale and bought nothing. not realizing until I pasted it, edwardsville high school was having a babymania sale too so I quickly whipped a u-turn in the wendy's ( I miss wendy's in st. louis btw) and went back to the high school. I went in (2.00 admission) and asked the ladies at the font desk if they advertised this sale anywhere in st. louis and they said no. So I gave them my info to contact me to consider being a vendor next march. I only did that because I hope to have a baby in arms by then so I can go back and buy buy buy buy. WOW - the huge gymnasium and another room (maybe the cafeteria) were jammed packed with mothers selling their kids things. Sure, there were some that did not have very nice items, but triple fold over them were mothers selling nearly new and in some cases brand new items with tags on them still for very reasonable prices (*unlike the kids resell-it-sale who are higher priced and the line is too long of a wait as it is one sale/one check out*). Each mom had a table area about 9x9 feet and had clothes racks and or tables filled with items. I got there kind of late ( I think they only hold it from 8 - 11 am) so I quickly made my way through both rooms. I scored one john lennon blanket - looks new-, about 5 outfits that are gender neutral - because we don't know if it will be a boy or girl when we have a match with a birthmother eventually- and a pack of brand new (3) onsies (0-3 mos) for 50 cents. Oh and I got a brand new in package pair winnie the pooh socks that cost me 25 cents (the package was marked 4.99 from the store). I left out of there with a plastic grocery bag full of great buys for under 10.00. I can't wait to go back when we have a baby so I can buy gender specific clothes.

I asked a mom that had a table if they always hold this sale on the same weekend and she said for the most part yes! So mark your calendars for the 3rd weekend in march 2008. I will hopefully be contacted by the group that puts this on so I can get a specific date again next year. Now these types of sales are my favorite. I know, some may cringe at the idea of buying used clothes, but let me tell you I am picky. I don't buy tattered items. I will hunt in deep piles of clothes for the best looking and most durable clothes and bedding. My sister has taught me well. I love yard sales, yet I have walked away from yard sales because the people have their items too highly priced and stains all over their items. I learned at an early age it was ok to buy from yard sales as long as the items is not tattered and has a great lasting wear to them. Jeans are a hot buy(adult). Heck, my sil buys jeans at the resell it store an then goes to ebay and sells them for even more. LOL Some sellers don't know what they have, yet some do and just want to get it out of their house. That benefits so many, including myself and my family.

Thanks to those moms with a good bargain.

btw, I have my comments on moderation so I can see them by email during the day. I can't post here from work but I can read my email so don't be afraid to post, I promise I will approve your comment as soon as I get home. LOL

oh.. btw also.. our homestudy has been postponed. I will call the social worker in mid-April to set it up again for later April or early May. This is actually a good thing. It will give is more time once we are approved towards the next year. Make sense?

Rain in the summer time

well, it isn't summer, but rain indeed.. nice thunderstorm just rolled atop our house. I love this weather, but my bones don't like it. LOL We have had the heat off and the windows open for the last few days and oh it is so nice. Nice to air out the winter blah house, sleep well in the cool window breeze, enjoy the birds chirping when I let the dogs out at 4:45 am or so. Fun.

Speaking of 4:45 am... I hate that we have to lose 1 hour sleep with daylight savings, but I so love the longer daylight hours. It is dark when I get ready for work, but that will soon change as the days get longer.

Our first camping trip is coming up soon. Can't wait.

Off a 1/2 day tomorrow to keep cleaning the house. Well, the house is clean except for my future craft/sewing/scrapbooking/hobby room downstairs. I did say scrapbooking, didn't I? damnitalready, I swear I promised I would not get into it, but it is grasping me quickly. I need to go take a few classes at the local archivers and get some tips on what to do for pages, but my biggest hurdle is to PRINT PICTURES. I have not printed pictures on a regular basis for many months now, more like 2 years. YIKES> I guess that is why I am interested in diving head first into scrapbooking. I want to create these beautiful pages and have planned on working on a few in the next couple of weeks. The friend we camp with scrapbooks too so I will pick up some tips from her. I have near zero supplies, but I know I am frugal and will find great deals! Would you believe I find scrapbooking things at yard sales ? Yes indeed. That I look forward to.

ok, off to bed so I can be fresh for the home study tomorrow night with the social worker.

DuuDuuusstt... aahhhhchoooooo

We are in full mode for cleaning out the dust from our house. It has only been 2 weeks (cleaned 2 monday nights ago, fully dusted and swept) and let me tell you we are being taken over by the dust bunnies. I know the doggies are shedding like crazy so it is even worse. I wish I could hire a cleaning lady to just come dust ever 2 weeks. LOL BUT I reserve those funds for our future adoption.

No, no calls yet from the agency. BUT holding onto hope that the calls start coming in soon. This time last year a few calls came in so we were excited to think that can happen again!

The social worker will be here Thursday at 6 pm. I can honestly say I am 3/4 as nervouse as I was from last year. OMG .. the support group friends warned me we would not have to clean like mad people for our home study last year, but we did and I know now that we over did it. This home study renewal?, nah,,,,, nope... I won't wear myself out like a mad dog. I know we clean every few weeks top to bottom for a reason and it is time to do it again so this time around I feel it is a routine cleaning yet for a good purpose.

Ok, off to bathe the doggies. Then clean the fish tank that only has one resident in it now. Bah.

GOTTA LOVE THIS WEATHER. I LOVE SPRING, wait.. the only thing I hate about Spring is that we lost an hour on our sleep(which this insomniac so misses ever minute I lose).

BTW, Note the change in the funds on our 2500.00 goal. I managed to sell another few hundred dollars of my ebay items. YEAH! We will be paying Cash earned for our homestudy renewal this time around of $350.00. We spent 10.00 total on the Crimal background check this time around too and 40.00 on co-pays for the doc visits. I think that is it for fees for this renewal. Let me think on that one.

going going going..

14 lbs gone

I am 14 lbs down from the middle of November when I joined Weight Watchers. YEAH. It is a slow process, but rewarding at the same time. Just in time for SPRING.

Things for the adoption front are ok... I have my physical booked for tomorrow for our home study renewal. DH has his physical booked for Tuesday and then we have our in house home study renewal visit one week from tonight. Cleaning house already. I like the fact that we have to clean the house as we have been slacking on that, plus the doggies need baths. LOL.

Prayers and hugs for those that have recently had + news and those that have had hard negative news in relation to Trying to conceive and adopting. MAJOR HUGS for those with sad heartbreaking news.

I am ready for SPRING.. Bring it on.


oh, sorry I have not logged on in a while, but blogger changed their log in process to be related to signing into gmail now. ARRGGHHH. Finally got it all set so I can now log in and post. YEAH. I hate it when I am comfortable with things and the world desides to chang up things.

I have not babysat in ages and today I finally got a call to babysit again, but dang it already we are busy next tuesday night and wednesday night in prep for the home study so I can't babysit. I actually miss those kiddo's. I told their mommy to tell them I said hello. I hope we can catch up soon. Mommy C said they just have been watching the budget so they have not even had another babysitter fill in. I was also thankful because mommy C passed my name onto another couple for sitting. FUN. I know camping season is coming up so I hope I don't miss out on the fun dates to meet up and watch C's son and daughter.

Email me if you need a baby sitter in the local St. Louis City/S. County / West County area. I am infant cpr certified and have babysat since I was 15 and have good references if needed. I also will drive myself to your place so you won't have to pick me up and drive me home after a night out. LOL I know that is hard for some couples when they need a babysitter. I accept checks because I like to take that check and directly deposit into our adoption savings account. If you pay cash, I SPEND IT. Bahaha

Ok, off to sell our Cardinals opening day tickets for standing room only because we scored party box tickets. GO CARDINALS. Wouldn't that be sweet if the Cardinals can repeat?! St. Louis would sure be the buzz of MLB.

Related? Do you ever run into

do you ever run into someone with your maiden last name? In a way I did. One of my ebay items I sold this weekend was bought by a lady with my maiden name. I won't post what that name is, but it is not a very common name. Irish, yet, but not one you here of too often. Not like the name of Jackson or Smith! I went to print out her ebay shipping tag tonight and realized that her last name was the same as my maiden name so now I wonder if she is some long distant relative or maybe if she married into the family?
hmmm

Ever have that happen?

yummy kabobs..a kitty update... adoption process update

If you ever shop at Aldi, try their frozen Asia Specialties skewered Teriyaki chicken kabobs. OH MY they are yummy. My co-worker had them for lunch the other day so I went by Aldi on my way home and picked them up along with several other items. I heated them up in the oven today as instructed and ate some for lunch. OMG.. They are so good. These were perfect lunch/snack sized. They are small kabobs, but perfect for that appetizer you need to take to a party or have handy when you have guests come over and need something heated up in a few minutes(15 or so in the oven and 1/2 that time in the microwave).

Gizmo the kitty is doing much better after having started over a weeks worth of insulin shots. It was worth ever penny we spent on her to see her turn around in health. She is on 2 units of insulin in the AM and 2 in the PM. She is now also on hills w/d prescription diet food too... she seems to like it so far, but I have seen a decrease in her consumption in the last few days. I hope it is because she is balanced out on her insulin now that she does not have to eat so much and keep drinking water like she was.

Our home study renewal is in process. We have both booked our physicals for March 9th and 13th. Then our in home visit with the social worker is set for the evening of the 15th. I will say that I am in a less frantic state about preparing for the home study visit this time around than we were last March. I am much more relaxed, I think DH is too. We still can't believe it has been nearly a year having been active with our agency and home study ready, but we know the wait will well be worth every moment.

I talked to the agency owner the other day by email and all is well, we just hope that the activity of potential birthmothers picks up with the agency soon. We also contacted the agency in KS that we have our profile with and she said that the winter months have been slow, but keep our hopes up that we will be able to hear more soon.

Cheers to you all. I hope that this nasty cold wet weather clears up so we can all watch the season turn into Spring. A time for renewal of hope and activity to keep us all in happy moods.

1 year ago, can you believe it?

One year ago this week (including next week) we were turning in our first rounds of paperwork associated with our homestudy process for domestic adoption of our first baby.

I got the homestudy renewal packet from the agency and have been looking at it for the past few weeks. Doing nothing about it yet, until today. I cracked it open and started filling out the background check sheets that we have to send off to the state highway patrol for Criminal Records and Identification division. Then we have forms to get our physicals done. I have my physical booked with our primary doc on March 9th and DH has his booked on the 13th I think (we have the same doc btw) . With those full physicals we need to do we also have to have a TB test. We then have to book a visit with our social worker and submit the payment of 350.00 to complete the homestudy update. Not sure if that visit is in her office or in our home. If it is in our home, I will tell you that I won't freak out and clean clean clean like a fool. I will clean, yet, but I won't go overboard either like we did last year. LOL If anyone has been through the home visit part of the homestudy then you know what I am talking about... Prep for the White Glove inspection type of cleaning. Ha

Things are rolling forward, but man let me tell you I am so wishing for the phone to ring with any udpates of potential situations to come in through our agency or the agency we are in the pbm pool in KS. Oh Phone ring.. ring ring.

I was recently asked by a friend, " How are you dealing with having to wait so long for any calls?". Well To be honest I can't grasp that we have been homestudy ready for nearly a year already. I mean, it really seems only like 6 months ago that we did the homestudy, but it really has been nearly 11 months ago. We both have very busy jobs so that helps pass the time. I am working hard on my EBAY items for sale trying to gather up the funds to help pay cash for each step of the process. So far we have 251.00 to help pay the 350.00 homestudy renewal fee. YEAH. (oh wait, I forgot that we had to use some of that money towards our sick kitty- gizmo! and yes, she is doing much better with her insulin shots and diabetic food now).

Oops, I got off track......So back to talking about the time passing. I look forward to when the time really is OUR TIME for that right call to say we have been matched and selected by a potential birthmother (pbm). I know when we first got to sit down with our agency, she told us it could be up to 18 months for a match to possibly happen. So while we approach the 12 month mark, I am saying prayers, tugging on DH to say his prayers too, and asking for come patience to keep our chins up and think forward to that day when we get the call instead of sulking for not having a match yet.

The adoption support group in town is helping keep my Sanity. Thanks to D for running the meetings. She is a true inspriation to help us keep our minds focused forward and hopeful. She and the others that attend the meeting really do get it and really do understand that sometimes the wait is hard to deal with but realizing in the end when we have our baby it will all be well worth the wait. They can help me break down the fears I have. They help me remain confident we made the right decisions in the path of becoming parents through and within adoption. The Last IAS adoption meeting was great because we talked about the fears of waiting for a match, what to expect when we do get that call and what to pack if we have to travel out of town to meet our future baby and potentially the birth family.

We learned that it is not necessary to take a pack-n-play, it is ok if we need to get a 2 bedroom suite so one of us can sleep while the other will most likely be awake feeding or changing or bonding with our baby. It is ok to not pack TONS of supplies because more likely than not there will be a Wally-Mart or Target, or nice grocery store near you so you can buy diapers, bottles, formula, etc. Just pack sleepers, clothes, and some simple newborn or basic baby care items if needed. We can always get an extra cheap suitcase to send this all home if flying in from out of town.

D helped to allay the fears of another lady that has dogs, she was afraid the homestudy will go badly if her dogs are around while the social worker is in her house for the home visit of the homestudy. We have 3 lab mix doggies and 1 kitty. So we know it is possible to pass your homestudy with animals in the house. We love our doggies and kitty to the core so I would not want the social worker to have not met them. She even interacted with them and calmed them down from stranger barking at first too.

Ok, back to writing that 10.00 check for the background checks and finding a legal sized business envelope in this house so I can address these papers to the Missouri State Highway Patrol, Criminal Records and Identification Division.

Anyone else have to renew their homestuday? If so, was your renewal visit with the social worker at your home or at their office?

One small update on my Weight Watchers weigh in. Today was week 8 of weigh ins and I have managed to lose another .8 lbs. So my total weight loss is now 12 lbs. YEAH. I feel good. My clothes are fitting better and honestly I can't wait until the start to get really baggy. That gives me a push to keep dropping the weight. I want new clothes for work, but I want to reach my 10% goal of a loss of nearly 22 lbs. Yes, That is my 10%. Yikes, but just glad I am 1/2 way there. I don't have a set weight loss goal, but to keep chugging the lbs off me is my goal.

Dirt tattoo

Holt on Dirt is HOT. Wahhhhh.

Tonights episode features a tattoo on his right upper arm. "Virescit vulnere virtus" (Courage grows strong at a wound)is a great saying. I have heard it before, but never seen it in a tattoo. He wears it well.

Courage grows strong at a wound or Courage grows strong through a wound is latin from what I remember. I have looked at it again on google and it some claim this to be their Clan Motto for Scottish or Celtic heritage. But it is a Latin Saying originally. Hmmm Prety strong words though for anyone to read into. I have courage, but to make it grow stronger at the face of a wound is pretty deep depending on how you look at the meaning of it.

Oh, I love the name Holt btw.

weight be gone

Ok.. WW's weigh in was a great suprise today (Saturday) with a loss of 2.8 lbs. This is week 7 of ww's( but really week 13 because I skipped a few weigh in's here and there) .. so my total is :

DOWN 11.2 lbs. WOOOHOOO!
My weeks went like this...
11/11/06: starting weight 218.2
11/18/06: -5.2 lbs
12/2/ 06: -1 lb
12/9/06: -0.6 lb
1/20/07: -1.6 lbs (yes, I managed to lose weight during the holidays wink.gif
2/3/07: did not lose anything, but did not gain either
2/10/07: -2.8 lbs

starting weight: 219.2
current weight: 208
goal: I use to say 145, but I am just happy with anything less than today's weight.

219.2/208/145

I have not been exercising like I need so my goal in the next week is to walk at least 4 miles in 5 days. We have a walking track at work (temporarily) so I will walk as much as possible.

Oh kitty I love you so, but why are you so expensive? Part 2

Finally after a long few days wait I called the vets office tonight to see if they had gotten the blood results for dear kitty, Gizmo. The doctor was not in, arrgghhhh. I was told to call back tomorrow (Saturday). BUT Just after eating dinner tonight (1 hour after calling the office) the Vet himself called me back from his home. I think the office called him and told him to call me after I called to check in and was not happy about not having gotten a call from him as promised no later than today.

So the verdict is that Gizmo has Diabetes.

Well, this is no surprise to me. She has all the classic symptoms of this disease. We have done nothing wrong to cause this, but more so he mentioned her age as one of the major contributors that has brought this on plus the fact that she is not on the best diet food. We get to buy some nice yummy food for her and then give her shots.

So he asked me to book an appointment soon (Monday) and bring Gizmo back in so he can give me a prescription to take to the local corner (HUMAN) pharmacy to get insulin and needles and so that he can give me a class in giving 2 shots daily to my poor non-suspecting kitty. Poor girl.

A funny thing is that I DON'T NEED a shot class. Ok, I am sure I can learn a quick tip or two from the vet on how to keep the kitty still while I give her shots, but little does he know that I have managed to give myself over 600 shots in all my 5 fresh IVF cycles and 1 frozen and IUI cycle (well ok, kudos to DH helped me with the PIO shots in the hips). So I am sure the drawing up of the insulin into the needle will be easily remembered and the kitty will be happy she has someone that knows how to administer shots to her instead of an uneasy, trembling hand.

I am sad I have to give her shots, but if it means a happy kitty, MORE POWER TO HER, literally. The hard part of prepping for her shots in the future is actually finding her in the house because she sure has some interesting hiding/resting places throughout. She loves to snuggle up in the clothes I have stacked up in the basement laundry room. She loves to go downstairs in the family room so if she is out in the open I can easily take the shot to her, but I will be on the hunt for her here and there.

oh kitty I love you so, but why are you so expensive?

Yes, my cat and dogs are my children and yes, I will spend money on them to keep them well. That said, 200.00 later. OUCH. Yes, my furkitty, Gizmo, is sick. She is nearly 14 years old and she is showing her age.

After a few weeks of noticing her back legs were giving out on her and she was seemingly walking flat footed, I took her into the vet tonight. She is dehydrated, has a very rapid heartrate, skinny (down 5 lbs in the last 2 years) and is showing signs of either diabetes or kidney disease. So after seeing the doc for about 8 mintues, he takes her back to take blood, empty her bladder for a specimen and gave her a large bolis of IV fluids under the skin.

The Vet will call me on Thursday or early Friday with her blood results. I wonder what will happen if she has diabetes? Anyone ever had a cat with diabetes? I had gestational diabetes and gave myself shots so I can do that if necessary. Have you had to do this if your kitty was sick?

I have had a cat with Kidney failure so I know what to expect with that :(

Kitty's high heartrate also showed the known murmur she has. Poor girl. I love her so.

Please give some + vibes to her if you can spare a few. I have always had animals and hate hate hate it when we have to put them down. I don't want her to suffer, but I also want her to stay around as long as she is not in pain.

Lets see if I can post my kitty's picture again. This pic is from about 8 years ago. She loved to drink her water out of the sink so we always left the water running for her, now she hardly ever drinks out of the sink due to having to jump up there.

reminder to set my tivo

dr. phil has a story on in 2 parts about an adoption scammer. Lady posing to be pg that has scammed potential parents.

Dr. Phil is doing a show on Adoption Scams will air on Feb. 22(Part 1)
and Feb. 23 (Part 2).
You can see a clip of it here:

dr. phil on youtube
oourtsey of lynn on the yahoo adoption scam group

What's Happening?

Ok, I am ready for Spring. I mean SPRING. Not HOT weather. I am done liking all this snow and ice and snow. I am ready to work on a garden of veggies. I am ready to go camping. DH is ready too. He keeps telling me that every evening when we are at home. I am ready to bbq and eat out on the deck. I am ready for a nice long SPRING filled with decent temps.

I am keeping busy with the ebay stuff and am going to try my arm at selling on Craigslist again. So far we have another 200.00 saved up on my ebay sales, but my ebay invoice is coming out soon. Ouch. Anyone sell on ebay that can give me tips on how to open and run an ebay store? Is it worth it? I think if I can expose my sales more I would get more business, but am I making enough to do that? What kinds of fees are associated with a store? Listing/Sold fees I mean.

it's a bird, it's a plane, no it's a bald eagle

while DH and I were driving back from Illinois this afternoon over the Jefferson Barracks Bridge, I happened to look north along the east side of the Mississippi river and said to DH.. WOW.. I see a Bald Eagle.. WOW.. Just then a Semi blocked my view. I then turned around and looked back at the river bank along the Illinois side and saw the majestic creature beautifully coasting in the breezes over the riverbank looking for prey swimming in the murkey waters of one of the great rivers in the USA. This is only the second time I have ever seen a bald eagle soaring in our area of St. Louis in the winter months. I know, I have never been to Alton, IL to go eagle watching.. shame on me. BUT I can say without a doubt that I have a fondness for birds of prey like this. I am lucky enough to be able to spot several red-tailed hawks in my neighborhood and along the route of hwy 40/64 west to Mason. These creatures love to hunt small prey like rabbits, squirrels, mice, rats, etc... I see them purched upon light polls in front of my house and along hwy 40/64. They tend to be out there early morning around 8:15 or so and then I am lucky to see one flying over the highway in the afternoon around Lindbergh and 40/64. I always say a prayer to keep these birdies safe and strong hunters. We have run them out of our towns many times and yet they strive to survive in the cities and local counties. I love it. We are blessed to be able to see such simple wonders of nature. Oh.. one more sighting of a beautiful creature was that of a white large winged owl in my neighborhood about 2 weeks ago. I had been outside in the backyard with the doggies and heard the hoot of the owl many time around 9 pm. I then went back out with the dogs about 2 hours later and heard the hoot and then saw the large owl fly over my house to a huge tree about 2 blocks north of my house. I love seeing this in the City. I live between Wilmore park and Carondelet Park so we see a few birds and a few gournd creatures roaming our area. Heck, on year we had a female and male duck land in our pool while we had the cover on. LOL

Spending time

Time: it can be something that either drags along or goes in a whirlwind so fast that if you blink you miss the fun in it all.

For now, time is passing slow. Time tends to bring me to a point of way too much thinking, too many minutes to say "What if". I am staying positive that we will be parents sooner or later. Hopefully sooner than later.

I am mailing off a check Monday for The ABC's of Adoption seminar in March. DH and I are both going. I just ordered this book from Amazon this past week to read and then pass to family members (DH included). The book was recommended to me from the adoption support group leader.

I need to call the agency and ask them about what we need to do to prep to renew our homestudy. We were Homestudy approved on March 22nd, 2006. We must renew our homestudy each year while waiting. I can't believe so much time has passed since we were approved, honestly it does not seem like it has been that long. Thankfully! I am excited to think that 2007 really can bring us our dreams come true, a blessing of a baby in arms. A new dynamic to our family.

Are you ready for some winter weather? Hopefully we will get the lesser of 4-6 inches of snow predicted..LOL

Have I mentioned that I suffer from really bad chapped lips? I pick and pick at them when they are chapped that I end up with sores on them, so raw. Well I think I have found a near cure. Neosporin LT. My co-worker gave me one of this little sample packets, you know, the kind you find in a sample box at the local workout gym etc... well after just 2 days of use I swear my lips have healed about 95% of the way. I went to the local corner (BIG) drug store and found an applicator/stick to use and I have it with me everywhere I go. I will probably become a person that has to create an online support group of NLT(neosporin Lip Treatment) addicts. Bah... I was an addict with burts bees wax lip balm.

The weather did not spoil my Birthday

although the weather is nasty outside, freezing rain and sleet, we still managed to spend my birthday today attending the Blues hockey game(dh's gift to me) and then going to the RV show at Americas Center downtown. Yeah, the BLUEs won and the RV show helped us decide what to look for in another camper. I know DH will be browsing the internet for another camper now. LOL

So Thankful also for Shawn Hornbeck and Ben Ownby having been returned to their families alive. MIRACLE DO HAPPEN. They both have a long trial ahead of them, but I hope and pray they will always know they are loved. Let this FREAK that did this kidnapping pay for what he has done. I know we might not know every detail of what he has done or did, I just know he will pay for his crimes. I visited Shawn Hornbecks web page last night and reading the "Welcome Back" posts from everyone really were heart warming. Thankful for those police officers that figured out the truck was possibly the one that was associated with Ben's abduction. It is crazy though to know this was so close to our area. The apartment was only about 4 miles down the highway from my neighborhood. I have been to the business (pizza place) that the Freak worked at and it is hard to believe he had access to so many young teens there too. Sick. I just can't believe he lived a somewhat normal life like he had never done anything. So many thoughts, so many questions, so many prayers for both boys families.

Cheers

The ABC's of Adoption seminar coming up..

The ABC's of Adoption
March 10, 2007
8:00am - 3:30 pm
(Registration begins at 7:30am)
Holiday Inn Southwest/
Viking Conference Center
10709 Watson Rd. St. Louis MO 63127

Presented by Adoption Haven
215 South Kirkwood rd Suite 202
Kirkwood MO 63122
314-822-5708 fax 314-821-0068
www.adoptionhaven.com

PRESENTERS:

Tamara Schaefer Beidle, MSW, LCSW
-executive Director of Adoption Haven, LLC.
-she has been providing adoption services since 1997

Cynthia Smith, Atorney at Law
-practices in the area of adoption and is an adoptive parent

Charles Grbcich, MBA
-financial consultant with A.G.Edwards and Sons, Inc and is an adoptive father

David Smith, CPA
-is an accountant with EWS CPA PC and an adoptive father

Roldofo Rivera, Attorney at Law
-whose practiceincludes adoption, and is the CEO of Children of the World, Inc

Kim Cowherd, MSW, LCSW
-is a social worker providing counseling and related services to birthparents and is an adoptive mother

Allen Stewart, Attorney at Law
-is a partner with Beach, Stewart, Heggie and Mittleman. He practices in Family Law, including the area of adoption.

Michelle Crain, MSW, LCSW
-is a social worker and an adoptive mother.

the schedule includes:

adoption basics:
-adoption overview
-Beginning the process
-Financing adoption
-adoptive parent panel
-Q&A with Presenters

legal program
-International Adoption
-Domestic Adoption
-Surrogacy
-Q&A with Presenters

Call 314-822-5708 for a registration form to be mailed to you. or email tamara@adoptionhaven.com

$25.00 per individual
$40.00 per couple

(conference registration is not refundable)


SEE YOU THERE

hello? Can you hear me?

if not, then you are not the only one. I am voiceless right now. I came down with a nasty sinus infection and it has turned into a very bad sore throat and now the doc said bronchitis. I went yesterday afternoon and he checked me over. I am coughing like a barking dog so he prescribed me a nice cough medicine with vicodin for the pain I am getting in my chest/ lungs and now ribs and back from coughing so much. Then he prescribed me bioxen for an anti-biotic to help clear up this infections I have. Between all that I have managed to lose my voice. My friend called me last night to check on me and could not believe I sounded so different, well 2 hours later my voice was gone. Now I make noise, but it sounds like I am straining so hard to even make a word come out. I hate being sick. I have not gotten sick like this in over 6 years. I take lots of vitamins, but they won't stop a sinus infection like this that almost always turned into bronchial problems. I have not lost my voice since high school like this either.

I had to cancel with babysitting last night and today, but both of them understood. I hope they were able to get out an enjoy anyway. Mae, I am praying that you got to go up and see new baby A today. I feel bad I could not help out, but I did not want to expose you to any of this crap I have and then not be able to go be with A. Thanks for understanding.

Me and 3 doggies are cough potatoes today. It looks like a great day outside, but my butt is not going anywhere. DH is at the bowling alley getting instuctions so he can bowl better. Good luck on that. I think he actually went there to get his bowling ball redrilled.

DH bought a new dvd to watch tonight. Taladega Nights. I hope it is good and funny. I watched The Chronicals of Narnia last weekend and loved it. I am going to try and watch more movies this year. I use to make a list of movies that would come out on tape(you know VHS tapes, don't you remember when those were popular) or dvd now and try to watch them but never got around to more than 1/2 of the list. Well I am keeping my list simple and payperview busy with recent releases. What better to do when you are sick? Watching a good movie sure helps pass the time. WHat is your favorite movie that just came out on DVD or ppv?

Gotta put the Christmas decor way tomorrow. Just not up for doing it today.

Thank goodness it is the weekend and I can work on getting better physically before I go back to work Monday. I don't want to use any vacation this early in the year plus I need to save as much vacation time for WHEN WE GET A MATCH in the adoption front.

This year rings in with a fun filled work

week. Crammed full of exciting things to do and fix and create for those that need my help. I am, after all, the jack of all trades. I do a little of it all. Name it, I bet I do it. Go ahead and name something in the office and ask if I do it or something closely related to it. I Got A much appreciated back up from the boss today when I was working on a nearly 4 hour error fixing problem for another department. My bosses actions were not harsh to me as he knows the person the request for fix was coming from. Kinda diffused the problem or Mounting tension, know what I mean. Thanks boxx.

I went to bedbath&beyond tonight to buy some of those sheet straps .. they hold the corners of the sheet to the bed not allowing them to slid off ever move you make on the bed... AND NO not that kinda moving .. Bah
One of the packets did not have the advertised 4 straps in it so I called the company and this VERY PEPPY lady we will call J got on the phone to tell me it was really ok and that all I needed to bring back in was the package (to show proof that the package had been taped up by the store employee incorectly(most likely a returned item)) and my receipt back and I can get 2 replacement straps for my sheets. THANK GOODNESS becase last night DH and I both had problems with our corners of the sheets and matterss pas popping off the corners all night long. Felt funny to have all of it bunched up around the edge of the pillow and feet.

I have book 3 babysitting days in the next 2 weeks and possibly more coming up at the end of the month. I can't wait to be reintroduced to Ms.BOO via Mae Saturday. Mae and the Rev want to go spend some time with baby Av in the NICU so I am looking forward to spending a few FUN FILLED hours with Ms Boo. I am sure she will entertain us both and I can't wait to here how her world of growing up is. MAE Call me!

Ebay is doing well stil. Hard work making these baby bottle holders, but good reviews and feedback on them so far. Nice. My mommy should be very proud.. she put hard work into helping me set this all up.

Ok, going to bed a little early tonight due to challenging myself to NO CAFFEINE today and I did it. Ummm, can you now say FREAKIN' CAFFEINE HEADACHES? DH has one also. Hopefully sleep will bring a lighter pain or no pain.

Blessings and prayers to all my friends, family, etc.. I love you all.

Ok, I better go, this sleeping pill is really making me sappy. bah

ringing in 2007

How will you spend your night?

Usually DH and I head out to dinner and a movie and are home well before midnight. We stay bunkered down in the house because you never know which idiots will be out shooting off their guns. BUT ... We are doing dinner at his brothers house and then I am going to go babysit at 9 pm until ???.... FUN.. I know the kids might be asleep b4 midnight, but at least I can play with them for a while b4 they crash for the night.

I remember as a little kid my mom would allow us to stay up. We would get the metal pots and spoons and bring them out onto the front porch and bang the heck out of them at the new year. My neighbors would shoot off pretty & colorful fireworks and then about 20 minutes past the hour it would be all quiet. We would then go back inside and watch the West coast celebrations on tv. Little did I Know then that Dick Clark was TAPE DELAYED.. I was too little to know that he taped the New York celebration and then they replayed it for the West Coast. LOL

No, No New Years resolutions here except to have patience in the adoption process. I don't want it to take more than a year, but I have to realize that it could. Our agency is networking with more letters in January with hopes that some potential situations come of that.

I am doing well with Ebay these last few weeks and I hope to continue to grow the adoption funds. I need to update our marker on the fundraising. We hope we can pay cash for the next step in the process which is due when we are "matched" with a potential birthmother situation. Basically when she decides to accept our profile to be the potential parents to her baby. I think that fee is 5g's. Let me check on that.

Oh we got a new mattress this past weekend. We counted back and realized our mattress was 11 years old. No kidding. The pillow top was so beaten down and what remained of it was sliding off the side of the bed. We did not want to spend the money, but we had to. I could feel the springs poking through. Yikes. So I have to work extra hard to make up that money spend by babysitting and selling things on ebay and craigslist.

Speaking of Craigslist, my sister made a killing in December with selling things. She said it paid for all of her christmas gifts for the 3 kids and she had more to pay down a bill or two. So she did very good on there just cleaning out her garage and storage room downstairs. I will start working on the room downstairs(our "stuff" collection room) and start listing it on there. I need that room for my sewing set up and crafts so there is the incentive.

Cheers to a Happy 2007 for you and yours.

hounding the insurance paid off

back a few weeks ago I posted the picture of our gutter that was ripped off in the ice storm we had. DH put a claim in with our insurance full well knowing we have a $500.00 deductible. About 2 weeks later we got an adjuster to come out (while we were at work) and assess the damage. Since we were not there he could not get into our yard. Well actually they sent him out to look at the damage without setting up an appointment with us to let him in our yard through the house. The gutter was blocking the gate on the side of the house where most of the damage was behind. We got a whopping $36.88 check (again remember that we had a $500.00 deduct) for the difference in damages. I could not believe it. DH then talked to the adjuster and asked him how the hell he assessed the damage without entering the yard. The adjuster admitted the did his valuation from the FRONT of our house. Now from the front of the house is about 60-70 feet long to the back and due to the way the gutter came off you could not see the damage from the FRONT of the house. So I promptly got on the phone with my agents assistant just after Christmas and told her I was going to get 2-4 other estimates because I am not a fool to accept that there was only $536.88 worth of damage. I tried to call 4 roofing/gutter companies and they are all 6-8 weeks booked out to even do estimates. I then called the agents assistant back and told her to send out another adjuster this week. Thankfully DH was home so they met Thursday here at our house and DH let him in back and showed him the West side of the building gutter to prove it was damaged too. Today, Saturday, we just got a call from that new adjuster and they are cutting us another check for 600.00 additionally for damage. So our total claim amount was $1136.88. So we have a check for $36.88 and the next check for $600.00 will be in the mail Monday. YEAH... At least we have a good amount of money to hire someone to finally fix this gutter. Heck it might be until Spring before we can get a company out to do this, but at least this is out totally out of our pocket for this claim. Persistance and hounding pays off.

Bring on the New Year and .....

Joyful days for many.

Congrats to the Mae Midwest family on their new addition. Hard fought pregnancy brings .Next baby on board.

AND good luck to you all out there trying for baby #1 and 2 through treatments. I know how it is for baby #1 and if you ever need to chat, email me anytime.

Ebay is picking up. I need to sit down tonight and package up several of the items I sold on Buy It Now yesterday. I also have to fix a problem I had with a pillow we made that has a hole in it accidentally that I sold on there. I contacted the buyer and offered full money back or that we can make her another pillow, i hope she accepts the remake. So far in 2 weeks time I have managed to add about 150.00 to our adoption Fund. Thank you MOM!

Christmas was good to me. I got a 1gb flash drive. Nice, Now I can upload pictures so easily and bring them to work to share and move files around on the 3 pc's I have at home without fuss. Thanks DH.

I got an MP3 player. Now I need to learn how to fill it with songs. FUN. DH said he will show me tonight. Then I can get my butt walking at lunch at work so I can keep dropping the pounds away. Stalled at 6.8 lbs lost so far since late November. Still not too bad of a weight loss in the HOLIDAY season if you know what I mean. (COOKIES)

Going today to buy a new mattress for the bedroom. I sat down the other night and realized our double pillow top mattress is nearly 11 years old. OMG.. no wonder DH and I both wake up complaining of sore backs and especially my hips and shoulders. WOW.. can't wait to get it home. This means I will also go buy some much needed new sheets for the bed. When you buy a king sized mattress, regular king sized sheets are ok, but when you buy a double pillow top it does not fit the king fitted sheets so well.. they tend to pop off on the corners. So I need to buy those silly bedsheet straps.. You know, the kind that look like a old mans sock to shirt tail strap to hold his shirt tail down in the pants? Anyway.. I hear that we can get the mattress at a 1 year no payment plan thus we can pay it off in full with our small tax refund we hope to get this year. Ahhhh, thus No payments and no interest will accumulate if paid in full by that one year mark. I refuse to let it go over 1 year. NO MORE credit card purchases. NON.. NADA. And DH is on that kick too. Nice to have them paid off.

Ok, off to go shop for that lovely mattress.

I must return to work tomorrow after a long weekend. FUN I do AP/AR at work and they must all be done by Friday. New transitions at work are going well. Fingers crossed that it stays that way.

ok, I can't pry myself off the couch

procrastination is my middle name and let me tell you I hate it. I hate that I procrastinate like this. I have my shopping done, but now I have to wrap.

I have 5 nieces, 3 nephews bought for. My mom is taken care of and her boyfriend(thanks to my Sister). My MIL is dh's responsibility and he tried to get her gc today, but the gc network was down for several major companies today so DH has to go out tomorrow to buy her gc. Oh and I bought my bil's girlfriends name exchange item(nice perfume). I have all of those items sitting on my dining room table just calling my name. Calling me to come wrap them. I will do it, but not tonight. Too lazy. Bah.

Have I ever told you I was a professional gift wrapper? Yup, at a major department store. I did year round wrapping and two times during the year it gets beyond busy. Mothers day and Christmas. I loved wrapping things. No matter what size they were we had a system set up to be able to wrap efficiently and quickly. Have you ever made a professional bow? If not, hire me. I can make them.

Some of the paper the company used for wrapping patterns was hideous. Downright trashy looking... but we dressed it up with a nice looking bow and made the wrapping salvageable. They always had these little items to add to the bow as a highlight, but many people did not want them because they were even more hideous than some of the paper we had to use. At Christmas time those items were ornaments that could be hung on the tree that we tied into the bow...It is expensive to have items like this professionally wrapped, but let me tell you there are still people out there willing to pay. There were priced by size of the box and we had even charged 1.50 extra per item if it was from another store. Oh and we had to verify receipts of purchase in order to wrap those items so we were not wrapping a stolen item. LOL Yup we could refuse if they would not show proof of purchase.

Oh, DH mentioned we did not get any christmas gifts for the doggies and kitty. Well I guess I will be going to the store tomorrow again now. LOL

Oh.. and if you wonder... I did buy DH a few things, but he got himself a nice new tv a month or so back so that is his Christmas gift to him from me and him. Ha

be gone bug

I felt like crap 3/4 of this weekend. I had a tummy bug last weekend and I swear to you it carried over to this weekend. I think I got rid of it and it came back to me. I feel better today, but I have a headache that is dull and anoying. I had fever late Thursday, Friday and some Saturday, but it has gone back to normal. I just think I keep passing the bug between co-workers. Seems I had it first then my co-worker had it and I got it back mid-week. It was an upset tummy and the big D. yuck. I never actually threw up, but waves of nausea came and went. I hope it stays away. I missed seeing my friends for lunch both thursday and friday. I hate that. I hope I can meet up after the holiday with them. I hope I can stay ill-free this week too because my co-worker is off work and either her or I have to be there to run things. LOL

If I can't boot this crap I guess I will break down and call the doc tomorrow for some help. I don't know if anti-biotics will acutally help though. I heard that several co-workers took atibiotics and it did not help as they got it twice too. DH never seemed to get ill, why is that? lucky dog. I hope he stays well too.

I am so behind with Christmas shopping. I have a few things done, but I still have mil, nieces and nephews to buy for and then wrap. Yikes. I so hate leaving this until the last minute, but I know I will get it done now that I am feeling better. Just hope I stay better.

doesn't the post office sell stamps?

well apparently not today.. they were sold out of Christmas stamps at the local post office I live by.

You have got to be kidding me. A POST OFFICE SOLD OUT OF STAMPS?

Yes, shit like this only happens to me. LMAO

ebaying it

my mom and I are working hard to get things selling on ebay. It is hard to market these items so would you consider taking a peek? What do you think of them? Plus they are resonably priced. We also have some roll pillows she made and I sewed up.

baby bottle holders and more

saw that coming

DH put in a claim this past week on our Lovely gutter that 1/2 fell off in the ice/sleet storm the other night. Well, looks like our deductible bites us in the arse over this one. The adjuster came out today and said that the damage total was $536.88. So our claim amount is 36.88. Mind you we have a 500.00 deduct. Frick.

Yup. I swear to you there is more damage than that to the house. It pulled off the gutter and facia on the east side of the house and it has made the gutter bow out badly on the west side of the house. So that means we would have to replace both gutters the length of our house and facia on both sides in order to match. Or do they not care about it matching? WTF?

DH said he will call the adjuster this weekend and get an explanation as to why the estimate was so low. I want them to get 3 bids or I will get the bids to show them that there is more damage than 536.88.

Meantime, I got my hair cut today. YEAH. It feels so good. Now if I can only make it look as good as the stylist did. LOL

Off to go babysit. I was not feeling so hot last night, but after a few tylenol I am good to go to babysit tonight. I think I will have the kids draw me some holiday scenes to hang on my fridge. hehe

I will post later this weekend to let you know what the adjuster says to DH.

stalled

between the weight loss stall and my mental and emotional stall, I am so not in the Christmas spirit. Not one bit. DH forced me to put up and decorate the treeIno he really did not hurt me physically, but he decorated downstairs himself so I had no choice but to decorate upstairs incase guests show up unannounced.. HA), but I have refused to decorate the outside of the house yet and thanks to the ice storm and ripped up gutter I have managed to postpone that task too. HAHAHA. LOL I am just not ready for the Holiday. I have exchange names to buy for, 5 nieces and 3 nephews to buy for, DH's mom, my mom and her bf, work exchange to buy or make something for by this coming Wednesday and MAYBE something for DH. Well, maybe not for DH. See, he went out a few weeks back and got his flatscreen HD TV for the basement. THAT, my friends, WAS his early Christmas gift. I won't be buying much else for him. REALLY maybe another 20.00 in stuff, but he said that was ok.

I need to get my butt in gear and get things organized and bought. I managed to list several baby bottle holders my mom makes (wanna see the link to the items? ) and those sales end on Sunday. I have to file a NONpaying bidder complaint with Ebay on one item. Why must there be people out there like that? They say, "Oh I will send you a money order" but it never arrives. Go figure. Looks like a bad mark on them for a nonpayer. Not good on ebay.

One thing I will have fun doing tomorrow on my day off is getting my mop of a head of hair cut. Just in time for the Festivities to happen. I babysit tomorrow night and then I have a FUN party to go to Saturday night so my new do will help get me in the spirit of the season I think.

Day off work is a good thing. I had to burn up a few days since the adotion fell through and I was saving my days up for when we needed to travel, but currently I am planning on spending tomorrow off work and next Thur & Friday off and then the two days off after the 25th. I then get to carry over a 1/2 day of work into 2007. My work won't let me off the full week between Christmas and New year because of end of year bills that need to be paid. I understand and that is part of my job so I will use my future days for camping in 2007 instead. FUN.

DH already booked camping dates for APril 2007. hehe

3 weeks 6.2 lbs

I am the proud loser.

3 weeks of weight watchers and I have managed to lose 6.2 pounds. I am happy with that. I am looking forward to a good week ahead of sticking to eating my ww's meals and watching my points. I did not do that so well from Thanksgiving day until wednesday this past week.

It helps so much to buy foods for my ww's meals and divide them up in baggies. I have cauliflower and celery cut up in baggies and then I made ff dip again this week. I love those to eat with my usual ww's microwave meal. I eat yogurt for breakfast and then dinner is usually a light meal of some sort. Or even another ww's meal if I am too lazy to cook or DH is not home. LOL

I missed going to the meeting today because I volunteered (paid of course) to work overtime in our roadside call center taking calls due to the TERRIBLE weather conditions in the majority of the states our club services. I will go next week though. I think the meetings for WW's are a great help and boost to know I am not the only one out there struggling to not put that one bad piece of food in my mouth each day.

I wish I had a good movie to watch. Satellite is out because of ice on the dish and the dish being out of correct pointed location. I guess the wind and ice caused the dish to shift so our signal strength is out of wack. DH said they can't come until next Saturday to fix it either. Bummer. Bad thing is that the gutter is getting ready to fall the rest of the way and if it does that then we are totally out of signal because it will most likely pull down the dish cable that goes around the gutter. LOL

DH called the ins company about claiming our gutter loss, but missed the agents office calling back before the weekend started for them. He will try and get hooked up with them Monday and set up the claim. The west side of our house has the gutter and it is bowing pretty bad, I wonder if we will be able to claim them both now.hmmmmm

Cheers to a warm weekend for us all. I hope everyone that lost power gets it back soon. My MIL, Mom, sister and friend all lost their power and two of the 5 have gotten it back so far.

oh the weather outside is frightful

and my gutter fell off the house. Stop the sleet Stop the sleet stop the sleet.....(singing it to the song of Let it snow Let it snow Let it snow)

The sleet and freezing rain caused the gutter on the east side of our house to fall off 3/4 of the way. Yikes.

ENOUGH with the ice and sleet.

to our angel... I will always remember

one year ago today(1:45 am) we lost our ninth angel to heaven. I was 6w1d pregnant from our fifth fresh IVF cycle. DH and I went to dinner and while we were there I went to the bathroom and discovered I was bleeding terribly. We went straight home and within 4 hours I had suffered our miscarriage while at home. This angel went to heaven after only six weeks of life, sadly, but I was so blessed to have even gotten pregnant with him or her. We will never know you here on earth, but one day (hopefully when I am old old old) we will meet you again. I wish I had carried you to full term, I wish you were breathing life outside my womb. I wish......

Love and hugs to our 9th and final angel baby I physially carried.

gone baby gone

5.2 lbs that is...........


gone


never to come back

GONE after hard work to NOT pig out all week. LOL It is hard to stick to the diet when I have such a pizza craving. I did give in one night and had pizza, but I was still able to drop 5.2 lbs this first week on WW's. Ahhhh.

One lady in the group lost 11 lbs... WOW... congrats to her.

Diet root beer is pretty good. Have you had it b4? Better than Diet Coke. Yick. I love me some veggies and dip. I survive on FF cool whip and jello. I need to go shopping again for a weeks worth of yogurt.

So the days of waiting continue with the adoption front. I said my prayers this week that we can make it through yet another holiday season with empty arms. I know we will be mommy and daddy soon, just stinks that this past failed adoption match did not work out because we would have been parents before Christmas. Dangitalready. Chin up... marching forward. I know that keeping my emotions in check helps and venting here helps so thanks for listening. Today I was in the store buying some new couch covers and saw a little boy walking around with this dad, what a cutie. That keeps my hopes up that we will make it through the wait to become parents, no matter how long it takes. Our little blessing is out there to be placed in our arms, we just have to believe that. We have to remember that the road ahead of us might be bumpy, but eventually we will come to that valley of joy and love when we finally meet our baby and our baby's birthmother/family.

Ok, off to go put the new couch cover on. I hope it fits. Gotta kick the dog off the couch first.

home scale

I know, I know.. the weight watchers leader told me to NOT step on the weight scale at home, but I just could not listen to her advice. So today, after being VERY VERY GOOD yesterday on my new eating habits, I stepped on the scale at home and I was down 3.5 lbs according to my scale. WHAT? No way. Well, I know my scale is right on with WW's because I weighed myself on my scale at home with my clothes on b4 the initial weigh in yesterday. So lets see if this scale at home stays accurate. 3.5 lbs in one day you say? Yes, I have so much water weight on me right now it is not funny. Plus I am getting off this domperidone so it has really helped in the process to drop a lbs or two.

I know I am bragging, but I feel better today doing this than I did yesterday. When I went into the meeting I was hesitant to believe that I am ready to give up the high calorie foods and drinks I have been eating for the last several years. Really hesitant. I went to Shop-n-save today and bought lots of fruits and veggies to help me in my zero to 1-2 point snacks, lots of healthy options in meats I can cook up, steam, broil and roast. All much healthier than fried fast foods I was eating. I am set for the next week or so with food.

One challenge I am giving myself is to walk at least 1/2 mile a day at work on my lunch. We have a temporary walking track in the empty office space above my office and 20 laps around the small track is 1/2 mile. So I need to go buy some good walking shoes this week. Mine are old and suck.

6 days until Weigh in.

Oh, The Rams Suck. Ha.. Can't believe they lost todays game too.

adoption, stopping breastfeeding protocol, weight loss,

We experienced a failed adoption match first hand this past month, but we have moved forward with our chins up. Adoptoin will happen eventually for us, no doubts there! We will be mommy and daddy. It was a hard past 4 weeks or so until we confirmed that the potential birthmother(pbm) decided to not make an adoption plan with us for her baby-to-be. We will get there, just sucks that we have to have experienced this failed match. Glad the AIS support group and support group leader in town for adoption was there for us. Good timing for that meeting to happen. LOL. I wish the pbm the best with her decisions.

When I went on the domperidone for the breastfeeding protocol, I was excited. Now after several months of taking the domperidone and pumping my breast milk, I have decided to stop the protocol for now. I will stop the domp., but continue to pump for a while to see how my body produces milk without help of medications. I have over 220(will recount that this weekend) ounces of my breastmilk stored in the deep freeze. YEAH! That is good for at least 6 months from date frozen so I hope we can be blessed enough to have an adoption come through and baby in our arms in that time. If not, I will try the protocol again closer to when we might know if another match with a pbm and a due date. BUT For now I need to focus on me, me and DH and me and my job.

After having gone through nearly 8 years of infertility treatments, 7 losses and 9 angel babies, now a failed adoption match, it is damn well time to focus on me. Internally and externally. I am ready to do this. I am ready to lose some weight, no mark that out..........LOTS OF WEIGHT. I went last weekend to join weight watchers in hampton village, but the office was closed. I was stumped until a member showed up and said she had forgotten that the office was closed for the 9:30 and 11 am meetins on that particular Saturday because of a regional meeting all WW employees had to attend. So I was a good girl and went back today. 8 am meeting. I am glad I went at that time because the leader of the group meeting was the same lady I liked to go to meetings for back about 4 years ago when I lost 22 lbs on ww's. Well I am back there to lose those 22 lbs I gained back and to lose more on top of that number that I had never gotten to lose b4. Make sense? Ha. I rejoined because I needed a place to know that I am not the only one struggling with weight. I yo-yo often, but recently I have been going up and up and hit my highest weight ever by 1 lb. So that did it. I was frustrated a few weeks ago when I went to buy a dress for a wedding and did not find one. So that put me in the mood to finally get down to the dirty deed and drop these lbs. Gosh, I remember back in the late 70's when my girlfriend and I joked about her mom being a lifetime member of WW's back then, but let me tell you now I know about wanting to be a lifetime member myself, I am all for it and NOT laughing anymore. I know how important this is because I want to be fit and healthy for our baby. I want to be able to get on the floor and play on his or her level without struggling to lift myself back off the floor. I want to walk the steps at work without this extra weight hurting my knees like it does. I want to walk a mile and not sweat like a pig. I WANT and I WILL.

DO you do WW's? If so, post come tips for snacks. HEALTHY FUN EASY TO MAKE SNACKS

antiques roadshow.....my wish

I lurrvvee watching this show. I am always facinated in those that can go to a yard sale, estate sale and find a TREASURED item that cost them maybe 2 or 300 dollars and then take their item to the roadshow and get an experts estimate of the fair market and or insurance replacement value of the item. Such as a sword this man bought for about 200 at an estate sale only to find out that the sword was a ccnfederate soliders sword and its value was around 20,000.00. Or Japanese tin toys from the circus from the 30's for 1200 or 1500 dollar range. Amazing. I love hearing about these types of stories. Maybe one day I can find a treasure like these lucky folks.

freecycle mad woman here

watch out.. DH and I are cleaning out the basement so we can use it as it was intended for..... a family room. Bahahahaha

Yahoo freecycle groups are fabulous. I have gotten rid of these items today....

med sized dog cage, sedan bike rack, rubbermaid bucket of movies, dog chain, keyboard, pregnancy books(sadly I could not use them very long when I was pg back last year and the many times b4), 2 used coffee pots, tv stand, weight set. How about that!!!! I got rid of ALL the things I listed on freecycle today. YEAH! Gotta love that place.

So we are hosting Thanksgiving, thus the basement cleaning party. Bah.

I hate cleaning house. I hate it with a passion. I admit I am horrible at this. DH hates it, the anal military trained man he is(was). I have conformed him to be lack luster about cleaning too. No, not my fault for him. I only take responsibilty for my actions or lack of. Bah He has just taken grip of doing it too. Poor guy. BUT now that we know we are hosting Turkey day, well the game is on to clean clean clean.

Anyone got a Mr. Magic clean eraser?

Living through a failed adoption match

over the last 8 weeks we have been busy learning about a potential birthmother situation. Per our lawyer we were considered matched and were just working on being in contact with the lawyer in the other state, but sadly we have learned that the potential birthmother has most likely decided to not make an adoption plan with us. It was hard to hear this information, but after a few tears and days of heartaches we are moving forward. Thank goodness for the local adoption support group.

In a way this was somewhat comparable to when we have suffered miscarriage losses or a negative fertility treatment cycle after a picture perfect start to it all. I have learned to keep my emotions in check now. It was enjoyable to think about being one step closer to becoming a mom soon during those weeks, but now I have to focus on remembering that we will become parents and that this situation was just not "THE MATCH" we had hoped for.

Picking up my dragging tail and marching forward in hopes that our wait for our baby is not too far away.

I won't let this kill me.

:What has not killed me will only make me stronger:

fertility or lack of..... revisited

a few weeks back we got a notice from our fertility clinic that they were going to move our ONE frozen embryo to Colorado. Plus it would cost us 300.00 to store it there. We have until November 30th to make the decision of what we want to do with this embie. If we don't respond then they have the right to destroy our embie. ARRGGHHHH. We are not the only couple that got this same notice from what I hear.

So we booked an appointment with a different local IF doc that deals with surrogacy. The appointment is Monday. Wish us luck. We don't have a surrogate yet, but we hope and pray that this clinic will allow us to move our one embie to their storage and keep it there until we can find a surrogate to try a frozen embryo transfer.

I am scared to think about visiting a fertility clinic again, but this might mean a future for our one embie to become a fetus and our future held in arms baby. I so wish we had more embies.

I have more to post on this issue later.....talking about lack of storage at the clinic our embie is at for the time being, but I will chat later about this.

Off to the local adoption support group meeting.

tubeless in st. louis

t

oh the addiction

I curse the lady that gave me this site.

http://www.weffriddles.com