As I sit here on the couch in the living room, I sit back and bask at the sight of my long awaited love in her bouncy seat sleeping content after sucking down her morning bottle.
Since January 1999, we have longed for this day to happen. See, like everyone that goes through infertility and even more so, miscarriages, We sat many many years and wondered at each Holiday, each Halloween, each event if WE would be that parent one day holding our child and celebrating the events at hand. On several occasions I curled up in my bed and silently cried real tears thinking it would never happen for us. We longed to be that mom and dad chasing our little costume dressed pumpkin down the block while gathering up a sack full of trick-or-treat goodies. We longed to be that couple that was able to take our first family portrait to put on that annual Christmas card like so many friends and family have sent us (no, I did not usually get upset opening these picture cards as so many that suffer through Infertility and losses do). We wanted to be that family that is able to wake up on Christmas morning and Celebrate Jesus and his birth and be thankful for the gifts we have under the tree. See, those things avoided us like the plague all these years, but let me tell you today, being our first FAMILY Halloween, We are so living the REALITY of this dream we have longed for for so many years. That dream that seemed like we would never reach it. It makes me cry tears, tears I never thought I would feel, Tears of JOY and THANKFULNESS! Not tears of sadness and disbelief I felt for so many years. "Would it ever happen for us?", I'd ask, then I would hear family and friends say "Sure, it will happen, just hang in there" and by gosh it HAS HAPPENED.
By the blessing of domestic adoption, we have been given a gift of a precious daughter in our lives to help bring those dreams to reality and allow us to bond and form that core love that will never end as a family.
We both sit back once or twice a day and say, WOW, the wait was well worth every minute. Sure, I will never ever forget my 9 angel babies I lost to heaven in the near 8 years of Infertility and treatments we suffered through. Sure, I will never ever forget the ROCK that my husband was for me while I miscarried those babies and he barely cried a tear so he could be strong for me. Sure, I really thought those doctors would bring me the miracle we so deserved and desired through all the rough treatments of IUI's and IVF's we did, but thanks to AGOHA and a local friend that introduced us to Julia's birthmother, WE ARE FINALLY LIVING OUR DREAM.
Those times that I said "We deserve to be that family", yes we did and NOW WE ARE so thankful to be there in this time and place in our lives. Some people have told me that I would forget about our infertility and losses once our child is placed in our arms, but no, that is not true. It makes our past of grief and loss easier to deal with, but we will never forget and honestly it will be part of our story we can share with our daughter as she grows to let her know how much we love each other and how we stuck by each others sides through thick and thin to bring her into our lives. This will be a part of our journey we will share with her that brought us to the crossroads of meeting her birthmother and meeting her siblings and birthfamily.
I hope to convey to Julia the love we share and have shared through the 16 years of our marriage. We never gave up hope of becoming a family of more than the two of us. We dreamed and are still dreaming of how big we want our family to be. We will never stop giving our thanks for the blessing of watching our family grow over the last few months.
Seeing Julia's ultrasound back in early September before she was delivered was so cool. It brought a new found respect for the love one (her birhtmother) could have to bring such a child into breathing life. Sure, she could have made a decision to not carry the pregnancy to term, but She did choose to carry her and I so thank her for doing that. For without that decision, we would not know our daughter now. I commend her birthmother for being courageous, strong for her and her family, and for her family to support her decision to bring a miracle to life. I stop every day and tell Julia that her tummy mommy is a blessing to her and I both and to daddy also! We can't wait to show her the fun holidays to celebrate, family and friends to meet, parties to be had and even just a simple camping trip to the regional state parks. I can't wait for next Summer when our pool opens and I can get her in the water and teach her how to swim.
Ok, as soon as my camera battery charges up, I'll post a picture of Ms. Julia in her cute curly ribbon bow/headband our friend Molly made her. I'll try and get pictures of Julia's first Trick-or-Treating walk with my sister and her 3 kids and my brother and his 3 kids. Julia is part of this family now and God I am so Thankful for her and the ability to watch her grow into a beautiful woman one day. BUT don't let that happen too quickly, let me bask in her beauty and baby smiles for a while. hehe
I may not always be able to convey my thoughts and feelings in words that all might understand in this blog, but I am glad I can jot this down for Julia to read one day. Thank you all for reading if you got through this post today.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN to you and to my sweet Julia and her Daddy too!