I made the local paper

first, this is the main article in the local post dispatch paper this weekend (then look at the bottom after the xxxxxxxxxxxxxx for the article I was in):

WARNING....... ADOPTION, INFERTILITY, DONOR EMBRYO, MISCARRIAGE and PREGNANCY and babies ment in the attached articles:

http://tinyurl.com/yh24zfc
Embryo adoption plants a complex family tree
Embryo adoption plants (P-D)
BY NANCY CAMBRIA
ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
02/14/2010

The big day had come.

Newborn twins Sarah Estelle and Anna Isabelle McLaughlin lay in bassinets beside their mom at St. John's Mercy Medical Center.

Anna slept. Sarah's wide, dark eyes took in the lights and shadows of the room. She was so little. So perfect. But her new life was already so very complicated.

Jen McLaughlin, of Kirkwood, snuck her daughter a tiny kiss.


"How can you just look at her and not think she could have been left on a shelf to perish or be handed over to stem cell research?" she asked.

An estimated 500,000 frozen embryos are stored nationwide as the byproducts of advanced fertility treatments, commonly known as in vitro fertilization, or IVF. Although most who create the embryos will use all of them in an attempt to have a child, sometimes there are extras. Anna and Sarah were once two of them.
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Last winter, McLaughlin and her husband, Pat, were given the twins' embryos from a couple in California who had successfully birthed a son. With two children already, their family was complete.

But the California couple never anticipated that four frozen embryos would remain — scant specks in glass pipettes, each about a hundred cells in all and visible only to a microscope.

The McLaughlins are among at least 260 families nationwide each year who successfully have babies after embryo donation, sometimes called embryo adoption.

In the process, the couple have plunged headlong into the dicey ethical, religious and medical debate over the creation and fate of frozen embryos.

It's a debate that Jen McLaughlin, who is Catholic, has tackled with total certainty, grounded in a belief that the embryos are moral equivalents of children.

The embryos, too, needed a family.

Her conviction about the sanctity of family is also firm.

So much so that McLaughlin and the donors are pushing the bounds of a simmering ethical debate on embryo donation even further by rethinking what "family" really means and just how far their children's genetic bonds should go.

Embryo donation sometimes is an anonymous process, with donors and recipients engaging in a cloaked transaction through fertility labs that severs the likelihood of a future child's linking to a genetic past.

But these two couples insisted on an open process so the genetically related children — even the children who still may be born from the two remaining frozen embryos — would stay connected. They felt their children had a right to know their genetic heritage, no matter if their full and half siblings are raised by different parents in different circumstances and most did not come from the same womb.

"He's going to have that richness of knowing everybody's there, we all care about him and we all know him," said the embryo donor, who asked not to be identified to protect her son's privacy.

And the children's history is even more complicated, because their embryos were created using eggs from yet another donor. The egg donor, too, has her own two children, linking the children born from the embryos to even more half siblings.

The branches of this high-tech family tree, germinated under a microscope, could potentially bear nine genetic full and half siblings living in two states, if not more, 2,000 miles apart.

If this all sounds like untested waters in family dynamics, it is.

"It's a brave new world of assisted reproduction," said Paige Cunningham, executive director of the Center for Bioethics & Human Dignity, based in Chicago. "After all, we're just experimenting here, aren't we?"

ADOPTION OR DONATION?

Jen McLaughlin had no luck carrying a pregnancy to term, and she and her husband wanted a big family. So they decided early in their infertility problems not to risk valuable time on uncertain treatments.

They embraced traditional adoption. By the time the McLaughlins learned about embryo donation in 2008, the couple had adopted five children, four of them from Russian orphanages and one from Missouri.

McLaughlin, however, never lost the intense desire to have a successful pregnancy of her own. When she read a short newspaper article on embryo adoption — where the embryo exchange is treated more like a traditional adoption — she knew she wanted to try.

In IVF, a woman's eggs are harvested and then fertilized by sperm in a laboratory. The fertilized eggs are allowed to divide into a tiny cluster of undifferentiated cells. Some are usually transferred to a womb that has been coaxed by a regime of fertility drugs to encourage implantation and a successful pregnancy.

Others are sometimes frozen instantly in liquid nitrogen to be thawed and used later for another try or more siblings down the line.

But sometimes viable extras remain. If cryopreserved correctly, they can theoretically exist forever.

The fate of those frozen embryos not only sparks intense ethical debates over when life begins, but overlaps with the polarizing issue of embryonic stem cell research, which proposes using embryos to find potential cures to disease, over the opposition of many abortion opponents.

The concept of donating embryos to other couples got a push eight years ago under President George W. Bush, who dedicated federal funding to promote, in his terms, embryo adoption. The federal funding has since increased to $4.2 million. Now, Georgia has passed the nation's first state law symbolically recognizing embryo adoption.

Yet, calling the process "adoption" raises intense debate. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine argues that such transactions should strictly be called donations. Arthur Caplan, head of the Center for Bioethics at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, said equating embryos with orphans or foster kids denied the grave needs of the world's existing children.

"If you have to make a moral choice between adopting a baby or an embryo, is it really possible to say there's no difference?" he asked.

Even the Catholic church, which believes the embryos are people, doesn't condone most assisted fertility treatments and has stated that it neither accepts nor rejects embryo donation.

McLaughlin ultimately realized her decision wasn't going to please everyone, but she believed what she was doing was right for her and the embryos.

AN OPEN ADOPTION

From the moment McLaughlin decided to attempt embryo donation, she also knew she wanted to keep the process open.

She chose a donor exchange service called Miracles Waiting, one of the few places where donors and recipients can meet without predisposed religious principles or complicated adoption terms imposed on them, said the organization's Executive Director Kim Walton.

"Because this is such an emotional subject, it really takes them deeply into, or possibly away from, their religious beliefs," Walton said. "Everybody's having a hard time, there's no reason to judge them."

McLaughlin nearly jumped out of her seat when she first read the donors' posting. The couple had four embryos that had been conceived with donor eggs from a woman with a Russian heritage. That excited McLaughlin, given she and her husband had adopted four children from Russia.

After many conversations and a home study, the deal was struck last February through a property contract that included clauses requiring future contact between the families. The McLaughlins covered legal costs and medical expenses as well as fees to keep the embryos frozen.

In May, when her hormone levels were just right, McLaughlin ducked out of town for the transfer of the embryos into her womb.

McLaughlin has never shied away from knowing her adopted children's pasts. She and her husband, a lawyer, had spent thousands of dollars on private investigators to track down the birth families of their adopted Russian children. They knew their kids would one day wonder about who they were.

The embryo donor, 46, was also a firm believer in open adoption. She had been adopted as a young child and had only recently reconnected with her birth family. "You're just completely cut off from a part of you," she said of closed adoption.

So the embryo donor family invited McLaughlin to stay with them in California for the embryo transfer.

It was the beginning, all of them hoped, of an important lifelong connection.

McLaughlin stayed with the donors for a week. The couple drove her to the fertility clinic and even helped with her needed hormone shots.

When McLaughlin returned from California, she was glowing. She was pregnant, and she had spent time with a blond, blue-eyed little boy who was her daughters' genetic sibling.

McLaughlin was also excited about a new connection.

The woman who donated the eggs used to create the embryos was now willing to have limited contact with her genetic offspring's families.

SMALL GESTURES

All of the adults involved know there are emotional hurdles ahead. Their children one day will deal with the knowledge that they have connections to at least a dozen full, half and unrelated siblings, as well as distant genetic parents.

"It's impossible not to ask how these children will feel knowing we gave them away," the embryo donor said. "We had to ask, how would they feel knowing there's siblings we didn't keep?"

Social scientists also aren't sure what may come of this.

While research suggests open adoption is healthy in traditional circumstances, there is no research on how embryo adopted children may fare in open arrangements. And some worry that parents are imposing sibling relationships on the children without first giving them a choice.

That concern is shared even by some conservative groups that encourage adopting embryos but condemn the technology that made them.

"My concern always in these cases is the adults who are creating all of these confusing relationships, and the way they do it fairly nonchalantly," said Barbara Quigley, executive director of the Center for Bioethics and Culture Missouri.

McLaughlin says it's all very simple when you look into the sleeping faces of her twins.

"People are going to look at their photos and agree this is the right thing to do," she said.

All the studies in the world also aren't going to change the embryo donor's convictions about open adoption and donation.

"I think that most people who are researchers have never been adopted," she said. "If they haven't had that experience, they couldn't possibly know what it was like."

So, with tiny baby steps, everyone is moving ahead in this most modern of families, linked genetically and contractually, potentially for a lifetime.

Late last month, a small package arrived on the McLaughlins' doorstep. The package contained two polka-dotted bath towels embroidered with Sarah's and Anna's names.

They were a gift from the twins' original egg donor, whom McLaughlin has yet to meet.

"It felt like a miracle," McLaughlin said. "I felt like everything was coming full circle. These girls are going to have a connection with all of their different mothers."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
http://tinyurl.com/ygnnw9t
Couples wrestle with what to do with extra embryos
By Nancy Cambria
ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
02/14/2010

For the people who create embryos, deciding what to do with those left over from in vitro fertilization can be a decision rife with ethical questions.

They are choices that can arise each year, when parents receive a bill to continue cold storage of the embryos. And the issue arises again when parents write their wills and are asked to decide who will inherit this frozen legacy in a glass pipette.

The options are complicated.

Couples can do what most do and keep the embryos frozen for years.


The embryos also can be discarded, though laboratories may be skittish about doing so. The embryos can go to research.

Or, in a rare but increasingly publicized option, they can be offered to other infertile couples.
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Randall Odem, director of the Division of Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility at Washington University School of Medicine, said fertility clinics need to alert their patients to the tough decisions that may await them if they opt to freeze embryos.

Yet those warnings — and the reams of paperwork required — can fall on deaf ears.

"You want to get pregnant. You don't care," said Danielle Pennel, executive director of Infertility and Adoption Support Inc. of St. Louis. "You'll sign any piece of paperwork to get things started."

Becky Gudermuth says she and her husband are keeping their one remaining embryo frozen because they really don't know what's right for them.

The St. Louis couple went through five unsuccessful attempts at IVF, five miscarriages, an ectopic pregnancy and then a partial hysterectomy, which now makes it impossible to carry a pregnancy to term. The remaining embryo, created six years ago, is still too precious to give up — even though Gudermuth said she and her husband would probably never be able to afford a surrogate mother. Gudermuth said that they might donate to someone also struggling with infertility but that knowing someone else was raising their genetic child would be hard for them to bear.

Or, there's another alternative for the couple, who adopted a child three years ago.

"I've also thought about asking for the vial the embryo is frozen in and burying it in the backyard under the tree," she said.

Odem said these emotional issues might not affect as many people in the future. The medical school currently has a research program that freezes some of the eggs used in IVF instead of exposing them all to sperm. This yields fewer embryos, but ensures that patients have frozen eggs in lieu of embryos for future pregnancy tries. If the procedure is widely adopted, it could significantly reduce the need to freeze extra embryos, Odem said.

A pink envelope in the mail will always brighten my day

The dogs started barking, it is time for the mail to arrive this afternoon (I started writing this on Thursday). The slot opens, I hear the push of paper into the box (our mail slot is a through the wall into our house). Julia rushes over there, opens the door on the inside of the house and grabs the mail. She takes it upon herself to look for any fun Disney items we might receive, takes that item then brings me the rest of mail to go through. Today, the stack contained a small pink envelope with the fluid penmanship of a young writer. An envelope from Julia's birthsister. SWEET! (birth sister / I'll use the initial B for referring to her)

I opened it right away (not looking through the rest of the mail first - WHO CARES about that other mail. LOL) and found two pictures, a pad of stickers for Julia and a note for us to read. It was a short note, but if it were only two words written by B, I would jump up and down with excitement.

This is one of several notes we have gotten from B in the mail over the last year. This is always heartwarming to receive these letters and pictures from her (and some from J's birthmother). She has no idea how much it makes me swell with love for her and her family. Some birth families involved in adoption never have contact with their birthsibling that was adopted. We are so blessed to be in an open relationship with them so Julia (and hubby and I) can continue to grow to know them and know how wonderful each and every one of them are.

I hope and pray we never lose contact with them.

Someone asked me the other day if I was scared to share our home address with them. No, flat out NO! Our door is a welcome mat for them if there were ever a day any one of them wanted to come visit. We are confident with her birthmothers decision to place with us that we have accepted them as extended family and welcome them any time. We are so blessed to have them in our lives and we always look forward to seeing them or seeing an envelope from them in the mail.

Ok, off to write a letter to B and to H (Julia's birthmother) and family. I made a 2nd Birthday flip book of pictures to put in the envelope from snap fish a few weeks ago, so I'll include that in the envelope.

Open adoption ROCKS!

TAX CREDIT for ADOPTION

For many adoptive families, the Adoption Tax Credit has been a great benefit in making adoption affordable. Families who finalize an adoption in 2010 may be able to take advantage of a tax credit $12,170 for qualifying adoption-related expenses. The 2010 credit will begin to phase out with a modified adjusted gross income of $182,520 and will completely phase out at a modified adjusted gross income of $222,520 or more.
Families who finalized an adoption 2009 may qualify for an Adoption Tax Credit of $12,150. Families should consult with a qualified tax expert to learn more about claiming the Adoption Tax Credit.
Call to Action - Adoption Tax Credit to Sunset in 2010
The Adoption Tax Credit has helped families across the nation grow their family through adoption and has helped countless children in need find a forever family of their own. However, the Adoption Tax Credit is set to sunset at the end of 2010, in which it will then revert back to its original dollar limit of $5,000 per adoption or $6,000 for the adoption of a child with special needs.
South Carolina Rep. Joe Wilson has introduced H.R. 213 - The Adoption Tax Relief Guarantee Act of 2009 to repeal the sunset of the Adoption Tax Credit. Adoptive families and adoption supporters are encouraged to contact Congress and voice their support of this important bill. To contact your congressman regarding support for H.R. 213, click here.
To learn more about the adoption tax credit, visit http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc607.html

moving forward

I am meeting up with some of my former co-workers for lunch today along with Julia. I am so excited to see them. It feels like 2 years since I have been gone from that job the company "eliminated" (but just distributed the work to my former immediate co-workers), yet it has only been just shy of 4 work weeks I was let go. I am meeting them at Qudoba for lunch and then I might head back to that former working place just to visit a few people. Maybe said they wanted me to come back with Julia later to see how big she has gotten. I might do that.

I have been making it my mission to coupon myself crazy. Today, I played the Qdoba craft 2 order to win a coupon and I did. Great timing because that is where we are going today. Sweet. Basically, Julia and I can pick two items off this craft 2 list and share them only for the cost of a drink! Now that is my kind of coupon bargains to find.

I start babysitting a little boy in March so that will help $-wise. Then this summer I plan on watching my niece. FUN. I love it.

Hubby got a bit of good news yesterday. He thought his work contract was up in June of this year, but it is actually up in Feb 2011. WOOOOOHOOOOOOO! Oh that was such a relief on our shoulders financially to think he has a job until then and not out of a job just 6 months after mine. I so hope he can get a perm job there, but at least we know we are able to make his contracting income until Feb 2011. I plan on paying off my car early and our other creditors by then so we can focus paying off our camper and his truck. Ahhhhhh. We had to take a hit on our 401K loans we did for adopting so this helps with the fact we are going to not get nearly the tax refund this year or even might not get one at all and could possibly owe for the first time ever. I hate it that we both lost our jobs within a year of each other, but at least our 401K loans are split into two different tax seasons so the defaults won't happen all this year for 2009 claims on tax hits. See, those loans had to be turned over into hardship withdrawals and we had to take the tax hits on them. Luckily we still had equitable balances in both of our 401K's that they can be turned over into IRA's now. Hubby did that a few months ago and I'll be able to open my IRA this month. So at least we can start building interest on those balances again and can start contributing to them again after we gather the funds to adopt again.

See, there I go. Thinking about adoption again. YES I AM. We are homestudy ready, now we just have to find the cash funds to sign with our agency again. Might be several months, but hey, it brings a smile to my face knowing we can do this again.

Ok, off to get ready to meet the girls for lunch.

2 years 4 months old, she is!

I want to see her grow up, but yet I don't want time to pass so quickly. We waited so long to see her this little and I want her to stay my baby girl, my sweetheart; forever. She so deserves to grow big and strong and yet I want her to stay my little girl. I have given into the fact she is a toddler and not a baby (infant) anymore. Ha

She still calls hubby Daddio.
She is now crying when I put her to bed. This was never a problem before.
She is wearing a size 3T clothes and a size 7 or 7.5 shoe.
Today she spent a few hours with memaw carol while I went to the MO careers office to do my obligatory every 4 week check in and profile build.
She cried when memaw left.
She spent over 45 minutes sitting on her potty chair. (no, no production on there yet to celebrate).
She is in a gym class at the local YMCA and loves it.
She will have another adjustment when I start babysitting a little boy (friend of the family) in March.
She loved the day she spent with her cousin Friday. :)
She loves LOVES her stuffed animals. I'll have to try and get a picture of her crib later to show you.

There are so many things we keep saying we will write down that she says. One thing we are working on is she tells us what she wants and then says NOW at the end of the sentence. Oh boy, that will be stopping soon. I guess that was a bad habit she picked up from her cousins at my sisters (former babysitter to Julia). LOL

Swimming at the YMCA each week is one of her favorite things to do. We try and go up at least 2 times a week, but this week we missed it. I promise to take her again Friday evening. I need to find a new swim suit for her. The 3T I have for her is getting tight.

Her favorite food right now is Turkey dogs (hot dogs). She ate two the other day.

We need to put a lock up high on the screen doors to the house and the bathroom door. Can't get a minute of peace in there alone when she is awake.

She wants to go see Mickey Mouse. Ut-Oh. Looks like I need to start a savings plan for Walt Disney World for 2011. I think she will be old enough by then.

As we were eating dinner tonight, Julia came over to Daddio and called him by his first name. "Jeff, blah blah blah"... LOL Bahahahahaa She mimic'd me talking to him.

One of my goals in life......

I have always loved receiving help on challenges I have had in life. I would seek out the different avenues through local contact and online to gain knowledge or just support for any challenge of work, marriage, home life and most of all one of those (read: MAJOR) challenges was going through years of infertility, miscarriages and starting the process of adoption.

I always want to research, investigate and prepare for something we will invest in our lives for a long time, possibly FOREVER. I want to be the most prepared to step up to the challenge of saving time, money and emotions in it all. Then I promised myself I would turn that good fortune of information around and give it out to others so they can reap the benefits of being able to make it through their plan in life also with the most efficient course to attain their goals. An outreach of sorts.

Today, I received a call from my former infertility and adoption counselor asking us to consider helping out a couple she had in one of her session today with information about our journey into adoption. I was able to provide them with the name and numbers to our adoption attorney, another adoption attorney and our adoption agency, A Gift of Hope Adoptions. I gave our counselor the ok to have that couple call me if they need to just chat about information they are gathering. I hope to also put them in touch with the local IAS support group in town. There are so many resources in town and on line that I know they can benefit from. I hope they call, but if not, I know I have given them very useful information to start their journey of information gathering for adopting.

One of the first reading materials I bought for the process of research was Adoptive Families Magazine. (No, they are not paying me to advertise this.) I was able to gather lots of information on what to look for as in agencies, costs, steps to take for the home study and lawyers. I was able to read hopeful stories about others that had gone through infertility and attained their ultimate goal of becoming parents through adoption. I finally had hope. I also attended the now IAS group for support and information on how to start our home study and what costs we were looking at and what to expect in our journey.

I always feel very good in being able to turn my knowledge around and help others in their journey to build that dream family. Yes, we are a family of our dreams, but we are still working on building that dream family of 4. Our home study is ready to go and we wait until we know if our tax return will help us in that ability to resign with our adoption agency we used to adopt our daughter through or if we might consider changing our home study over for foster to adopt program. We wait to see.

I am not a professional counselor, just a woman that has experienced it all in real life and I can share my story with you. Some sad points, yes, but ultimately the joyful process of adopting our daughter through open domestic infant adoption.

I am so thankful for those professionals and peers out there (you know who you are!) that have helped me be in a position to be able to help others in their journey too.

For that, I am THANKFUL!

turning the big 40 and being a mother... what it all means to me

I turn 4o today. This is a huge birthday for me because when I was teen, I saw my mom turn 40 and oh thought she was an oldie but goodie at 40.

The parts of town that I come from you don't just say FORTY you say it with a south side accent of FARTY... OH LORDY SHE IS FARTY! Ahhhhhahahahahaha. Yup, I am joining the pristine club, the wise club and filled with many true friends that are turning 40 and or have already joined in a few weeks, months or even years ago ... So mom, I am so sorry for having called you an old Fart. FARTY IS FABULOUS!

I had grand ideas of being a mom of 3 by now, but heck, I am counting my blessings and saying thanks for my beautiful daughter brought to us through adoption and maybe when I am later in my 40th year we can adopt again. Heck, we are home study ready.
This is what makes me smile all the time now (even after many miscarriages and heartaches trying to conceive and it never held on. SHE MAKES ME!
And thanks to my wonderful Husband, Jeff



13 is my lucky number so I will play the lottery tonight with that number heavily played. LOL

Cheers to another great year.

She's not a baby anymore. Julia's first hair cut

slideshow sunday

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=3cc0b347c43994486d96e1&skin_id=601

I was so blessed to have been in the delivery room when our daughter was
born. Thanks to her birthmother! Here is a little video hubby put
together when she was weeelittle. We can't wait to adopt again to build
our family and make Julia a big sister.

making promises to myself, no resolutions

No, I am no good at resolutions. Sure, you might say resolutions and promises are the same, but to me they are not. I can keep a promise to myself better than a resolution. I can't exactly explain that, but it works for me.

This year I promise to make a cleaning agenda. A calendar of sorts to clean the rooms in the house on a weekly basis. I recently read on another blog that you can create zones and basically that is what I plan on doing. Having 2 dogs (lab mixes) and two 7 month old kittens in the house requires we vacuum every other day at minimum so that won't change. I will add in more dusting, scrubbing the bathroom down (including that tub the child bathes in) on a weekly or near that basis. I need to de-clutter and that will come to a head in the next week when I finish buying more storage bins for her toys and downsizing the amount of toys she has in the living room (we only live in a 2 bedroom with finished basement ) and the family room downstairs. Yard Sale will happen in either March or April. No excuses! I have a full utility room downstairs with 18 gallon totes with all her clothes and toys in them and I need to make more room for more items down there. Bargains galore I have for girl clothes and shoes and toys to sell.

so off to make my list of zones.

Do you do this if you are a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM)?

enjoying the show from the inside.

Dear Daughter and Hubby are sick so I compromised with the 2 year old and instead of taking her sickly self out in the snow, I brought a big bowl of it inside the doorway and she is having a blast! I then got out the cookie cutters and she is having even more fun.

Merry Christmas

Although I am not one to celebrate in a church, I am so thankful to God and his blessings in our lives. I pray at home every day and today , Christmas, I am especially thankful for the WHITE CHRISTMAS and my family, Jeff & Julia being here with us to celebrate.

I pray for Julia's birthfamily. I know God will take care of them. I have presents here for them, but have not heard from them to set up a date to meet. I hope we hear from them soon.

My prayers to those that don't have family near or have lost them. My dad is one of them. He has been in heaven for just over 14 years now and I still miss him. Julia and I went in the driving rain yesterday and put a Merry Christmas sign on his grave ... FUN TO THINK today it is covered in SHOW. WOOOOOHOOO. He loved the show.

my civic duty

today was my first of a few days of jury service. I had to arrive at the civil courts building at noon and sat for 2 hours through several jury pool callups. I was called on the third round. Tomorrow, I serve on my second jury of 7 called services. FUN.

wordless wednesday

job status (or lack of) and highway 40 (64) reopening

Well, I was all excited for the last few months knowing we were coming to an end of the construction of the shutdown of highway 40 / 64 in St. Louis. This is one of the main thoroughfares from the Mississippi West to Highway 70 in Wentzville, MO. For over 2 years it has been shut down for various parts of the construction and has made myself an MANY others change their course and time of commute each day.

The sad part is my excitement has turned to sadness that I can only enjoy the opening of this highway for the next few weeks after having traveled that route for two various jobs in West St. Louis County. I traveled from McCausland west to Highway 270 for several years and of the last 12, going on 13 years, I went to 40 and Mason. Well as of 12/31/09 I will no longer be needed for my services at my current job due to job elimination. Damn Recession, Damn Economy.

Yes, I got let go from a large insurance firm in St. Louis after 12 full years of service. I was told on November 19th that they no longer needed my position due to parts of the job going to the California "BIG BROTHER" part of the company. So the other parts of my job will go to my fellow (less seniority than me) co-workers on the help desk. I am essentially a Systems Security Administrator. I have been doing this type of job for several years, although I carried the title of Assistant to the director of I.T. I was moved over on the help desk , not by choice,(which I use to run by myself 10 years ago at the same time I was assistant to the dir.) in 2008. I molded into a newly created job, minus the title of SSA.

There were many closed door meetings in the last few months that several of us suspected jobs were going to be cut, but honestly it took me buy surprise because I was the only one in my department let go. I had the most seniority too! Sad. I applied for a job in the company, but I will not put my hopes on it to be my luck to get the job. I think I'd have a better chance at winning the lottery before I would get hired back on. I wish everyone else at the company much luck in keeping their jobs. The 4 people (including myself) that were let go this past month will figure it out. One of them actually was with the company 22 years. Can you believe that? very sad.

Meantime, I wait to train my replacement locally for parts of my job. I will then enjoy my days I can drive on the newly reconstructed highway.

Oh, in the middle of working out my days at my company, I got served with Jury Duty for the City of St. Louis. FUN. I report at noon on the 14th. I will crack up if I get pulled onto a jury for a few days when I should really be training my replacement at work. Bahahahahaha

Thanksgiving blessings

Bless oh Lord in these thy gifts which we are about to receive from they bounty, through Christ our Lord, AMEN!

Dinner is served.

Thank you to my hubby who baked the turkey, made real mashed potatoes and all the fixings for himself, Julia and I. Yes, just the 3 of us. We are spending the day together and are loving it.

Thankful for family and friends.

I won't spoil this post, but I'll update about my job later.

Happy National Adoption Day 2009

Happy National Adoption Day 2009!

check out some of the good news and celebrations around the country.

We are so blessed to have adoption as part of our family and for the rest of our lives.

Thanks to open domestic adoption for our situation. Thanks to Julia's birthmother and birthfamily. Thanks to our families and friends that helped our dream of becoming parents come true!

For those trying to adopt or are thinking of it, ask me, it was a wonderful experience with our daughter's birth and Gotcha Day / Homecoming Day!

Check out the adoption ornament I got for myself and one for Julia to have when she grows up.



macy's holiday lane page

If you look at it on Macy's page, you can rotate it and see the 2009 on the other side. Very cool ornament this year.

I ordered with a free shipping option so look online for a free shipping coupon. Macy's did tell me they no longer carry these in their store so you have to order online from them. No problem. The cost is ok for a life time of memories.

CELEBRATE!

interesting statistics of intercountry adoptions to the US

http://adoption.state.gov/news/total_chart.html

First homestudy visit done for round two

Today, Halloween day, our social worker came to our house to update the first part of our homestudy (home study) so that we can adopt a little brother or sister for Julia. (btw, Daddio asked Julia if she wanted a little brother or sister and she said brother!, but we will leave that in the hands of the match to decide for us).

I am so excited to get this process on the road again. She did ask if we were going to sign with an agency at this time and we said we would stay at an independent status for now and let her know in a few months when we are tired of waiting on our own and trying to do our own advertising to find a birth situation, we will be calling the agency we adopted through for Julia's situation to sign with them. I can't imagine we will be willing to wait more than 5 or 6 months.

Meantime, I am going to work on getting some business cards printed stating we are looking to adopt a newborn or infant through domestic adoption. We will hand those out to as many as we can and then I will work on a web site to help us spread that word too. I know, not all birthfamily/mother situations have access to a computer, but maybe someone they know will and can pass our information to them and then we can mail them a hard copy of our profile.

Happy Halloween to you all. I'll post more in the next few days. I'll post the link to the new 2009 Christopher Radko adoption ornament too!

check out Julia's contest photo for adoptive families circle..

http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/photos/full/328/

I entered Julia into the adoptive families circle website photo contest. She was in a halloween costume a friend let her borrow last weekend.

FUN!

prepping for our homestudy

As we move forward with wishing to add to our family, we have set a date with the social worker (our first social worker in town we used back in 2006). This Saturday will be our next homestudy visit. First in the steps to adopt again. Since we successfully adopted in September 2007, we let our homestudy expire so we have to go through the process of starting a new homestudy now instead of renewing like many do. We have many reasons as to why we let it expire like knowing we didn't have the money to adopt again anytime soon through an agency, nor did we expect to want to adopt again with a two year old in our lives. I do have that itch for a baby again.... OK, I admit, I HAVE BABY LUST really bad. REALLY REALLY BAD. I want Julia to have a brother or sister, I want another child, We want to be a family of at least four! No better reason than that, except that we are not getting any younger.

Cleaning house. What else can I say besides I want a maid. LOL I admit I have been neglectful in dusting and keeping a straight house so I am paying for it now by cleaning and cleaning roof to basement. Nobody's fault but my own.

I am excited to get the process started with the homestudy, but we are still holding off on signing with an agency just yet. We don't have the ready funds and can't borrow so we are hoping an independent (private) situation comes our way in the next few months by help of spreading our wish to adopt again by word-of-mouth! I am going to work on getting some business cards printed, but I am not sure what to put on them. Any suggestions? Sure, I'll be glad to hand one out to strangers. I have told our lawyer that we intend to adopt again and are doing our homestudy so I will give his information for our contact #.

Ok, off to clean.

What is going on in your world?

another resale consignment sale .. november 2009 (updated with 2 sales now)

http://recycledkidstreasures.com/

I found this today on craigs*list.

I faintly remember there being a sale last year in november, I wonder if it was this one.

I did go to baby mania today at mehlville high school and got some great deals. I was almost crying inside with the thought of having to buy 3t fleece zip up pajamas for her, also thought they would be too big, but I cleaned one and put it on her tonight after her bath and OHMYGOSH, it fit her head to toe. Not much room to grow in either. It is a Gerber brand so I think I am ok on the other brands (the childrens place and carters) because those two seem to run a little bit bigger per size.

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http://www.recycledkidssale.com/
November 2009 Toy Sale Calender, St. Charles County:

The Toy Sale will be held at 915 Jungermann Road (old Walgreens)

Tuesday November 10th 3:00pm-7:00pm Drop Off

Wednesday November 11th 9:00am-5:00pm Drop Off

Wednesday November 11th 6:00pm-8:00pm Workers Sale (Ticket Required)

Thursday November 12th 6:00pm-8:00pm Consignor Sale (Ticket Required)

Friday November 13th 9:00am-6:00pm Sale to the Public

Saturday November 14th 9:00am-5:00pm Sale to the Public

Sunday November 15th 9:00am-1:00pm ½ Price Sale to the Public

*Pick up of unsold merchandise Sunday November 15th from 6:30pm-8:30pm
http://stlouis.craigslist.org/bab/1426710036.html

Oct. 15 has become the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

With so many of our own babies that were lost tubally or in-uteral, this day is our day to remember the loss of an ecotopic pregnancy on July 16, 1999 (#1), Baby Boy Gudermuth miscarried at 8 weeks pg on Feb 8 2000. ectopic # 2 October 2000, Twins lost at 8w3d in October 10 2002, twins lost at 10 weeks in October 8, 2003, chemical pregnancy June 10 2005, and our last in-uteral miscarriage at 6 weeks in November 2005.

I was so grateful to carry them in my womb (or tube) and thank you all for the lit candles tonight and prayed with us to remember our babies.

Perfect Moment Monday

I Capture
Perfect Moments.

having had up and down experiences with a few local / national photo studios, I went to Portrait Innovations yesterday (on recommendation from several friends) with my now 2 year old for her 2 year old pictures. This was my perfect day. When I look at this picture, I see a fun, energetic, beautiful child that I love with my deepest core. Perfect Moments are to live for each and every day, not just Mondays. The photographer was so much fun. She kept Julia laughing so much that this was such a wonderful experience and honestly, I got more pictures in this package for less money than those other chain studios. I can't thank her photographer enough.
Enjoy.

Take a few mintues to read her adoption blogs, they are amazing

The leader of the local IAS adoption support group, an adoptive mother of three, blogs often and is now an Adoptive Families Circle blogger too! Check out her Three Yellow Roses. She has a link to her Adoptive Families blog too "My Paperwork Pregnancies"

wordless wednesday

open adoption .... wow

Open adoption ROCKS for us. Several months ago I might not have said that since it seemed we were in a time of our lives (including her birth family) that seemed more like a semi-open adoption, but the roller coaster ride is high up on the mountain with joyful news of more snail mail contact from Julia's tummy mommy and birth siblings.

ADOPTION ROCKS!

Happy Friday.

here are some 2 year old pictures and some with her birthfamily.

Approaching the incredible 2 years old

Our beautiful daughter turns 2 on Sunday. 24 months old. I still can remember the moment she was born (I was in the delivery room with her birthmother) and seeing her take her first breath was such a blessing and joy in our lives. I can tell her this story when she is older and understands it. I tell her when we look at her birth pictures that I was there and Daddy was in the hallway hearing her first cry. I will cherish this and share this with her every moment I can, especially on her Birthday each year. Thank you to her tummy mommy for making her adoption plan for Julia with us and helping her name her with us. We picked Julia's first name and her tummy mommy / birthmother picked her middle name. In adoption, sometimes the birthmother and or birthfamily will name the baby and then the adoptive couple will give the child a name they will call him or her. We were blessed to have her tummy mommy tell us she wanted us to pick her first name and she would pick the middle name so Julia Marie..... we love you.

Approaching the age of two bring so many fun and interesting times in our lives with our daughter. She has recently started this high pitched scream during both fun play time and times when she wants to defy our wishes and instructions. For example, tonight, we were playing in the back yard, it was getting dark and time to come in, I nicely asked Julia to please come inside now and she started immediately with the high pitched scream and running away from me away from the house. Oh the ears. I am sure the neighbors thought I was probably hurting her, but alas, I was not and was only trying to chase her around the back yard to catch her and bring her inside. Against her will, of course! The scream was not a screech, it was a long ear piercing scream. No, I am not the bad mommy and won't give into her screams. I finally caught up with her and she stopped screaming only 1 second before we reached the door and then politely waved goodbye to my neighbor sitting on her back porch. Oh great, the neighbors were really out there. Oh well. She raised two boys years ago so I am sure she knows this routine we have fallen into when Julia does not want to go inside.

We go for her 2 year check up next week. I last measured her at 37" tall, 26.6 lbs about 3 weeks ago. I bet she has grown since. Maybe my measurements were off though. Ha. I am going to have to buy 3T for winter for sure with this girl. Heck, some of her pajamas are already 4T, but they are fit tight style two piece pajamas.

the other night while daddy gave her a bath, she counted up to 15 with daddy. She will partially sign (asl sign language)and sing her ABC's with me. We sing in the car on the way to the sitters each morning and last week she sang all of You Are My Sunshine with me! sweet! She is learning her colors and can tell me what a triangle is. She loves to draw and color in her coloring books too. When she takes a bath, she always asks for her ABC bucket. She got this last year for her birthday and we always put them up on the tile around the tub when she bathes.


oh.. gotta go for now, stay tuned for more on her 24 month birthday update and her tummy mommy update. So here is a picture to enjoy for now....

I have updated the 2009 baby mania consignment resale events..

click here for my updated post.

Perfect Moment Monday

I Capture
Perfect Moments.

A few weeks back, I sent a box to Julia's birthmother filled with 2 update letters and pictures about Julia over the last year. In that box I included a few things for her birthsiblings, toys and such, and then I included a pack of stamped envelopes and blank cards (greeting cards) and wrote a little note to ask them to write back to us and Julia. THEY DID... Julia's birthsister "B", wrote us back in a days time. Literally. She included several pictures of herself and wrote us a nice little note that she loves us all.

Last week, we got more letters from both B and Julia's birthmother H. I LOVE IT. I got them out again and read through them today. That is my PERFECT MOMENT MONDAY!


I Capture Perfect Moments.

For more perfect moments, visit Lori

New Adoption TV .. online....

http://www.wetv.com/adoption-diaries

I have not had time to look into this, but my friend sent us the link... I'll post more about it later when I can view the topics and dates to air.

WOW.. a list of state by state adoption laws

this is a brief but well put together list of state-by-state adoption laws.

http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/adoptionlaws

Ok folks, here come the listings of the 2009 Fall baby mania resale events in our area

I am on the lookout for fall/winter clothes for Julia so it is time to list the local St. Louis area baby mania sales and events. If you know of one, please email me at twogoots @ yahoo . com (remove spaces).
I will try and list them in date order, but for now I will just list the few that I know of. I'll do a more thorough search and update it as soon as possible.


MEHLVILLE BABY MANIA SALE
Baby Mania Sale
Saturday, October 17th, 2009
8:00am to 12:00pm
Mehlville High School Parking Lot
3200 Lemay Ferry Rd
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sales that have already happened:
Just between Friends West county
Just Between Friends Fall/Winter Sales Event September 18th, 19th & 20th!
New Larger Location for Shopping!
Chesterfield Sports Fusion
140 Long Road
Chesterfield, MO. 63005

Public Sale Dates:

September 18th, 10am - 8pm

September 19th, 9am - 8pm

September 20th, 10am - 3pm
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Kids Closet Connection Fall Sale
VFW Post 5077
(Across from Ethyl's)
8500 Veterans Memorial Parkway
O' Fallon, MO 63366

When Sept 18 thru Sept 20th!

Kids Closet Connection Fall Sale Dates - September 17 - 20th, 2009 at VFW in O'Fallon!

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Stork Lady resale consignment event.. (THIS IS A HUGE SALE at the old MACY's in Crestwood mall)

LOCATION:
Former MACY's Dept. Store in Crestwood Court (former Crestwood Plaza Mall)
at the corner of Watson & Sappington Rds., Crestwood, MO 63126

DATES OPEN TO THE PUBLIC:
Friday, Sept. 25th - 9am - 7pm
Saturday, Sept. 26th - 9am - 4pm
Sunday, Sept. 27th - 11:00am - 3:00pm

(SUPER BARGAIN ALERT: Most items 50% off on Sunday!!)

FOR MORE INFO: www.StorkLady.net
or visit the craigslist listing http://stlouis.craigslist.org/bab/1323467948.html
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!LADIES... I have updated this sale below... IT IS HAPPENING.
http://3rkidssale.com/default.aspx
(here is the craigslist ad)
FALL-WINTER SALE 2009!!!!!
3 R Kids Consignment fall/winter sale
OPEN TO THE PUBLIC
Friday, October 2 9:00 am-8:00 pm
Saturday, October 3 8:00 am-5:00 pm
Sunday, October 4 12:00 pm-4:00 pm--50% off most items

VOLUNTEER PRE-SALE:
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
12 hr Volunteer: 4:00-8:00 pm
8 hr Volunteer: 5:30-8:00 pm
4 hr Volunteer: 6:30-8:00 pm

CONSIGNOR PRE-SALE:
Thursday, October 1, 2009 4:00-8:00 pm

"FIRST-TIME MOM" SALE
Thursday, October 1, 2009 6:00-8:00 pm

VOLUNTEER AND CONSIGNOR 50% OFF PRE-SALE
Saturday, October 3 3:00-5:00 pm
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New 2 U Kids Sale
Our Fall/Winter Sale is August 27th- 30th ... see details below (link)
8500 Veteran's Memorial Parkway O'Fallon, MO 63366

http://www.new2ukidssale.com/
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First up: (DONE, dropping this to the bottom of the list)
Greater St. Louis Mothers of Twins Club
RE-SELL-IT SALE
Fall/Winter Children’s Clothing (single and twin)
Books and Lots of Toys
Baby Equipment (swings, highchairs, etc.)

August 29, 2009
Lindbergh High School gym
When: Saturday, August 29
Open to the Public 1-3 p.m.
($1 admission per person)

Where: Lindbergh High School
4900 South Lindbergh Blvd.
St. Louis MO 63126
PLEASE REMEMBER no strollers, diaper bags, etc allowed in the sale so if you have your baby with you, you will need to carry them in with no diaper bag (That is why I had Julia stay home with daddy that day).
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http://www.recycledkidssale.com/gpage3.html
Belleville IL
Our Belleville Illinois Sale will be September 12th & 13th.

(200 South Belt East, Belleville, IL 62220, Belle-Clair Fairgrounds and Exposition Center)
We will be having our 2nd Annual Toy Sale in November. Check back later for more details!

The joys of toddlerhood.... toddler antics

I have finally given in to the fact that Julia is a toddler and really is all about testing our will. LOL

Today, I came home from some yard sale mommy time and found Julia taking a nap on our bed. I walked into the bedroom and found her diaper on the floor.. NOT ON HER. LOL She has learned how to take her own diaper off. We are in trouble.

Last week she got so mad at me for wanting to get her dressed when it was time for us to leave the house that I left her pajamas on her and took her outfit with us to meemaw's house to let her dress her.

Vocabulary has expanded rapidly for her too. Vacuum was the latest new word I heard her say. She will repeat nearly verbatim of what we say so it is my own fault that she picked up a curse word this past week. No, I won't repeat it, I promise.

Please and Thank You are working well now .. we do have to provoke her saying them most times, but it is with "What do you say?" and she will say Please or Thank You after that.

I am trying to teach her ABC's to her in sign language and she has picked up several of the letters. She still won't sing with me though. LOL I sing the letters to her as we sign them and she tries to sign them back. Daddy saw her do this for the first time last night and was pretty impressed. She uses her sign for apple, grapes, milk, and Please. I am trying to teach her Thank You and mommy, daddy, dog, baby and many other words, but she just does not seem interested in learning them. I still want to find a sign language speaking person to give her her sign name. I know we can't assign a sign for our own names until someone else picks one for us that is of the deaf community. I will find someone, one day.

22 months has flown by. I think back to the day we were leaving the hospital with her and I was so nervous about being at home with a newborn, but now I am so anxious to learn about the next stage of her life and age. She is around older cousins each day so I feel she is ahead of her skills verbally and physically. I am going to try and find a tumbling class for her to take this fall.

Ok, off to put her new toy shelf up and clear out some of this clutter in the living room. Ha. Never ending battle of disorganized toys.

What a wonderful night... adoption support group meeting and letter from birthsibling

Tonight was the monthly first Thursday of the month adoption support group meeting for the IAS group and was shocked to see 24 other people (including the two leaders) sitting in the meeting room. WOOOHOOOOO! this is one of the biggest groups I have ever seen and I have been attending these meetings since early 2006. SWEET. I love it. The majority of the couples in the meeting were looking into or have or are going to adopt (again for some) through domestic adoption. Some were looking into International adoption. What a great time we had. I swear the meeting could have lasted another 2 hours on top of the 2 we spent there. Way to go IAS!

We stand in the same place with the homestudy as we were last time I posted. I hope to get a few more letters of recommendation written by family and friends to complete that task on our list soon. Then I will be able to send in our paper work to the social worker and get the ball rolling to become homestudy home study ready.

This past week I sent off a box with two letters of updates on Julia and pictures to her tummy mommy (birthmother) and some items for Julia's birthsiblings (birth siblings) too. I included some self addressed stamped envelopes just in case Julia's tummy mommy or birthsiblings wanted to write her back. Well, tonight when I got home, hubby said there was a card from Julia's birthsibling sister. SWEET.. It worked. She wrote us a short sweet note and included a few pictures of herself in the envelope! I LOVE IT. I am so excited to hear back from her. I hope this contact continues for many many years to come. Do any of you have an open relationship with our child's birthfamily? birth family

Have a great weekend. sadly we will be attending a memorial service for my cousin that passed from cancer last weekend. She fought a brave battle and is now in heaven with her sister and many friends and family. May her soul rest in peace. We love you and miss you Brenda.

home study update .. progress made

Hubby rocks! He got our birth certificates, marriage license certified copies. Thanks!

Things on our list completed and to do.......
-Finger prints done and turned in to the state trooper office with our payment for processing.
- Both of our physicals are done. TB tests are negative and cleared by the doc.
- 2 of the 5 letters we need are done. Two more asked to write letters, need to find a 5th person to write one.
-Work verifications are done
- Need to get Julia's info filled in from her physical in March (yes, we can use the info from then)
-Need to turn in the packet to the social worker with our first part of the home study fee!

We have already updated our picture profile and the social worker has a few copies. We have decided to not sign with an agency at this time due to money constraints. Hubby is still a contract worker and we need to have some extra funds in the bank if his contract is not renewed. Hopefully in the next few weeks we will know more on that. Meantime, we are telling all that we know that we are almost home study ready. You never know if anyone you know might know of a potential situation of a potential birthmother and baby. Heck, that is how we found out about Julia's birthmother's situation, but we had just signed with an agency so her birthmother did go through the agency upon our request. I am very thankful for the agency's help too because we were so blind to the process of adoption having not been through it before that.

I'll be honest and say we are hoping to adopt another newborn. I just have that baby lust again and it is strong. I think we could accept if the baby is a few weeks old, but if I were to be asked, I think a baby more than 3 months old would be out of the range of age I am wanting to be comfortable with for bonding. I know, some (even Hubby) might not feel that way, but that is my motherly instinct and internal want I feel.

I have had several people ask me if we want to adopt a boy or girl. I don't have a specific desire. I did with our first. I so wanted a girl and we were so blessed to have that dream come true, but now, I am not picking sides of gender because I feel what will happen in that way of gender will happen. We will be blessed with either gender. I wonder how you all felt with that upon starting the process for adopting # 2. I think hubby might have a different feeling on this (hint, blue). LOL

22 month update and home study process update

Oh wait, did I post here that we were starting our home study again? Yup, we have to start from scratch on the home study since we let our previous study lapse by court dates. I'll keep an update in the next few weeks on this process of becoming home study ready for domestic adoption again. Let the paper chase begin.

mean time...

Julia, you turn 22 months tomorrow, Monday July 27, 2009. I can't believe how much you have grown in the last few weeks. I swear your hair has gained about 1 full inch. YOu were so kind to let me put it up in piggy tails today and everyone loved them at the two birthday parties we went to. YEAH...

You are talking and talking and repeating everything anyone says. We really try and watch the negative talk and the bad curse words. LOL Reminds me of the 7 cardinal sin words George Carlin was forbid to say. No, we are not THAT dirty with our curse words, but you get the drift if you have and or had a young child that loves to mimic your words word for word. LOL

You love to venture outside as much as you can and really enjoy the wading pool at Tower Grove Park playground and wading pool. What a great free event to attend and to get a special treat from the farmers market each time we go is such a fun bonding time. We get to meet new kids to play with and sometimes meet up with mommy's gradeschool friends and their kids (Thanks Jenny).

You enjoyed going to the zoo two times last weekend. Heck, I'd go more often if I could with you. Grants Farm is on my list and Suson Park too again. I want to take you to the Butterfly house soon, but oh the humidity .. Not good for me.

We love the play dates you can have with your friends from my mommy friends that went through IF too. Nice to be able to still talk about what we all went through to become parents to you all. Strong hearts and minds bring us all closer together knowing we waited and tried so hard for you to be in our lives.

You are really getting into coloring (or taking daddy's ink pen ) and drawing around your hands and feet. You love it when mommy does this for you and you can admire the pictures each time.

tonight you fell asleep in my arms in the living room rocker. Man, that does not happen often these days, I loved that. I could look down at your sweet face and watch you sleep. Dream on baby, dream on.

Mommy and daddy love you so much.

10 years ago today started our journey through infertility and miscarriages

July 16th 1999, I was wheeled out of work on a stretcher with horrible abdominal pains. I got to the ER and found out that I was pregnant (after 6 months of no pills) only to find out it was the beginning of a crazy road of a malformed uterus and an ectopic pregnancy. This started our journey on a long 8.5 year road of infertility and miscarriages.

They had found a heart beat in the tube so we knew it would not survive. We had to do a shot(actually two, one in each hip) of methotrexate to "dissolve" the tubal ectopic pregnancy in my left tube. With in hours of the shot and going home, I was in total hives, allergic to the medication to "help" my body rid itself of this toxic pregnancy. Ugh. We were so blessed to have been pregnant, didn't even know I was since I had a "cycle" "Aunt Flow" just 4 weeks prior to that date of the ER trip. I was then wisked into surgery a few days later to remove the ectopic pregnancy before it burst in my tube. The tube was rendered useless due to blockage so we were told in a few months time to try again since my right tube was most likely open.

That day of the 16th of July 1999, I was so sad to know my body was not going to be able to keep a pregnancy. I was falling apart when driving home that next day from the docs office after the shots and just knew I wanted to try again ASAp to get pg. Little did I know it was just the beginning of a long heart-gut wrenching journey that would bring us a total of 9 heavenly angels and no biological earth angels. Multiple miscarriages, total of two tubal ectopic pregnancies and no live earth angels.

Thankfully after those 8.5 years, we took our journey to become parents into the world of adoption and are so blessed with our daughter, Julia. She is 21 months old and is the light of our lives. Never did I guess my road to motherhood or Jeff's road to fatherhood would take us that long bumpy road.

wow, crazy week past

quick ... someone please stop the yearly calendar from dumping us off in to August. I am not ready for August. Ok, back to July. Well, Hubby and daughter went camping Tuesday night. I went shopping. Wednesday night, I went to play bingo with my mom, aunt, uncle and a friend of my mom's. My mom won the horse derby and her friend won split game and got 20.00. LOL Paid for part of her night, but my mom is now being called money bags. She was happy! I might just have to go back and try my luck at the horse derby (pull tab games they play at the bingo hall). FUN FUN FUN.

Thursday night I went to visit my friend, who just had her bone biopsy, and then came home and chilled. Friday I got up and headed down to Onondaga State Park and had a great time. Met up with some other friends there and we all spent the day at the river (or at least Julia and I did for a few hours). They played up and down the bank of the river and doing a mini body float a few times. JUlia and I had to go back for nap time and we did crash. Ahhhh, nice weekend except for the horrible drive home from Leasberg MO to St. Louis. Rained the whole time and I Swear to you I saw a funnel cloud in Sullivan and even snapped a few pictures of it. I'll post those later. I never did hear sirens go off so I guess it was not a reported funnel. Yikes.

This coming week brings me a doctors visit to the dermatologist. I have skin tags from PCOS that need to be taken off. I have a few other moles and spots I need looked at and a blood mole that needs to be sealed off some way or another. It is a dangerous venture to shave my legs with this dang thing. One small knick and it will bleed for hours.

I hope this week brings you joy and peace. Love and warmth.

We are updating our adoption profile to give a copy to the social worker who will be doing our homestudy. We hope the profile is shown to a potential birthmother and brings us closer to our dreams of having a second child soon.

Happy Week everyone.

praying hard for my friend with cancer

I gained an everlasting friendship through our local infertility support group a few years back. That friend has just found out she has bone cancer. She is surviving 9 years of breast cancer and now this. ARRGGHHHHHH. I HATE CANCER. I FUCKING HATE IT.

I am holding her hand and being there for her as much as possible. Tonight, she asked me to just make a movie night for her and I. YOU BET I will. Next week will be rough for her and I hope to be there for her when she need to go laugh it up at a movie of her choice.

I told her tonight. Friends like you are precious and few. It is a saying I have seen throughout my life and it applies so much to our friendship over these few years and MANY MORE TO COME.

K, I love you girl, don't let your chin fall, if you feel it falling, let me pick it up and hold you through this.

surrogacy and jumping into a new homestudy

Yes, surrogacy is heavy on my mind tonight. We have one frozen ebryo left in the cryolab at MoBap with Dr. Wilbois. He is one of maybe two doctors in town that will consider doing surrogacy cycles as long as you have the embies and you have a surrogate and you have the legalities all tied up. See, I don't have a uterus any longer (after 9 babies in heaven) so I can't carry one. I can produce eggs for embies, but that is another story. So the one lone embie is waiting, frozen, for us to come put it back into a warm receptive uterus, just not mine. Do you know of anyone that has had a friend or family become their surrogate? I don't (well, most are 40 and above and not sure they would want to or be able to help us in that way.

Next step while waiting to figure out the surrogacy link....


I called the local social worker today to send me a packet for an independent home study process. See, we let our last home study we used with adopting Julia expire. So we have to start from scratch. Finger prints, physicals, lots of paper work and a new profile of us as a family of 3.

word filled wednesday

Instead of wordless wednesday today, I decided to share a few words from Julia.....


While standing at the back door yesterday, she saw Hannah, our blond dog, in the yard going potty, she turned to me and said "Mommy, I see Hannah".... I loved it because she said it with such conviction.

Tonight, after daddy had just given her a bath,she lay on her changing table and asked/said "Tickle me?!". LOL Daddy always tickles her when he is trying to dress her after a bath.

She is saying please to some things now.
She is putting 4 and 5 words together in sentences.

I LOVE IT. I am trying to cherish every moment with her since I only get to see her about 2 hours each night on week nights.

Happy Father's Day

First of all, to all of you, like myself, who have lost their father to heaven, I send a special Happy Fathers Day to those dads. I visited the gravesite of my dad yesterday. I know he was not a flower type of guy, but I just had to put something out there for him. If I could afford it, I would have put a fishing pole and cooler of beer at his grave for him to enjoy. LOL He would have loved going to the fishing reserves out in St. Charles for his Fathers Day gift. Or he would have loved to be camping and sitting in the river with his umbrella over his chair watching the drunk idiots float by. Dad, I promise I'll do that for you this summer.

It has been what seems like ages since we lost him to cancer, but I still go talk to him ever once in a while and ask him to watch over us. Don't get upset that I have taken this picture. Sure, seems morbid to some, but I love going to his grave and sitting there to talk to him. Yes, I took a picture of his grave after I placed his flowers. I wanted to show Julia where pawpaw is.


To my loving husband and wonderful daddy to our daughter, Julia, I love you and keep up the great work, Daddy!!! We waited for nearly 8 years to have a baby. I am sorry I could not bare one for you, but thankfully through the blessing of adoption, I have seen you become the daddy I knew you would always be. Julia runs through the house yelling "Daddio" and wants you to pick her up and tickle her so much until she starts her hiccups. That is what makes it all worth ever bet of the waiting we went through to become parents. Thank you for being such a wonderful daddy to her and hubby to me!

wordless wednesday

Is she potty training herself?

I am so excited.. my daughter just went pee pee in her potty... WOOOHOOOO! She asked to go sit on it .. I Put her on there and then turned out of the room for a split second. I came back and and she kept pointing to the potty saying "Mess".... she pee-pee'd. !!!! YIPPPEEEE... Is potty training going to be early?

Quote of the week

as I was trying to put on her pajama pants, she grabbed them from me and said, "No, I do it".

Taking the big plunge .. again .... home study bound .... for number two

Yes, we are thinking of staring our home study process to adopt again.

Ahhhhh, the stir of emotions. A phone call tonight provoked us to dive into this seriously. We were thinking we would start the process again in a few months time, but after a call we got tonight to see if we had an updated "family" profile to potentially show to a situation with our original agency from 2006, we got excited, but decided to pass at this moment. To some it might bring heart aches if they pass on situations, but we are honestly not ready. We have to start the home study from scratch because we basically let it "expire".


We have decided there is no better time than now to start the home study process over again. Heck, it will take at least 2 months to gather the paperwork, get physicals for all 3 of us, finger prints, etc.... so that will bring us to the later part of summer so we will then get back into the process of looking for potential matches after we complete a picture profile to the perspective birthparents to review to see if they would like to select us as a family to become adoptive parents to their child. Bring a sibling home for Julia. Grow our family as we have always dreamed of and continue to enjoy motherhood and fatherhood. Loving, Smiling, laughing, teaching and hugging each moment in live as we grow with our children.

Ahhhhhhhh.... Just had to share this with you all tonight. Thanks for listening.

1 2 3 ... ready set go

those are the fun sayings my daughter has picked up. ONNNNEEEE.... TWOOOOOOO... THREEEEE....... and she also said REd, Seetttt, GOOOOOO. We need to work on that word "Ready". LOL

Do you have lots of plans for this weekend? We were suppose to go camping, but a childhood friend of DH's passed away and he went to the wake tonight and the funeral is tomorrow. So we are not camping again until July. Wahhhhhhh!

Going to get my coupons ready. Kmart is having a double coupon week next week plus I have my 5.00 off any purchase of 50 or more (diapers, people, diapers!! ) so that is a great bargain. I think the double is up to 2.00 so if you have a 2.00 off diapers, it becomes 4.00 off. Yipppeeee.

We are meeting a friend and her son (adopted through the same agency as Julia) at the park tomorrow to play in the water fountains. FUN. I can't wait to see them. Then I think we will come back home, nap, then swim in our pool. Ahhhh, summer is here.

Speaking of summer, I can't believe that when I was a child until I was 19 and moved out, I never had air conditioning in my house. Only a window air conditioner in one room. We lived with the pool open and a huge attic fan that kept us cool in the summer. Did you have air conditioning when you grew up? It is a luxury I am thankful for each day we have it on. Meantime, as in today, the air is off and the windows open with lots of fans going. Ahhh, beautiful weather.

Hoping you all have a beautiful weekend.

this stomach bug / head cold crud better stay away

After being sick Wednesday and Thursday with a bad intestinal thing, my sister (our daughters sitter) and our daughter were both feeling bad on Friday. So I was home again with her. She was feeling much better Saturday, but today she has either bad hayfever or she has a head cold coming on. Ugh. I so hate these seasonal things going around. I am praying she is feeling better in the morning. I can't take off work and hubby does not get paid if he has to stay home with her. Yikes. We don't have very many backup options so we will see in the morning what happens. I hope you are all feeling well.

Here are a few pictures from our play time in the Tower Grove Park water park area. We went to the Farmers Market and then played in the water for nearly 2 hours. Well, it was mostly water time, otherwise she was insisting on swinging too!

FUN!

20 months? What? tomorrow brings your 20 months birthday

WOW, time flies.

Wordless Wednesday a little early.

ahhh, the savings.

Coupons are a challenge I have come to like. I want to cover my taxes and then some for each time I go to the store. Today, I did that.

I went to target today with a list of items a mile long (well, the swimming suites for Julia and I weren't really on the original list, but I could not pass them up). After all said and done, I saved 47.03 with in-store promotional sales and coupons. My taxes were 16.99. My actual coupons total savings were 19.29. Now that is what I call a bargain.

Quotes of the week

This is what dear daughter said last night when we were all out front playing in the grass and running after each other to tickle each other.... after tickling daddy, he laughed and then she said "That's So FUNNY!". Bahahaha, my 19 month old said that as clear as day. WOW.. Them are some big words to be putting together. I love it. She has been saying 3 and 4 words together for the last few weeks.

This week she has another canine tooth coming in so she was very fussy tonight and threw a book at me, hitting me. This called for a time out and I had to hold my laughter mixed with of the moment anger when she kept laughing at me when I would put her into time out. WOW. this is a defiant girl and I think she takes after her 3 yr old cousin on part of it, transitioning at the babysitters because part of the adult attention is now focus on the new 3.5 month old boy in care. LOL Oh that change was expected. And her new adjusted bed time with a different wake up routine since she was born. WOW. So much going on so the acting out is not of much surprise in some ways, but the hitting and spitting has got to stop.

I can't wait for a long weekend to spend with her. Then camping a few weeks later and we can get in the river. YEAH! Oh and our pool is about to open so I am going to start her swim lessons in my back yard since I have not taken her back to the ymca again.

blessing of family

Today, a weekend after Mother's Day (and being evacuated / flooded out of our camping weekend), we took our mother's to the Cardinals Ball game. We had a great time doing a group tour, seeing batting practice on field and having some great field box tickets. Julia did great too. My mom and I walked her around to the family pavilion and let Julia play for a while. We are so blessed to have both sides of our families in town so it was a great pleasure to take both mom's (grandma and meemaw) to the park today.

Here are a few pics to share:

a hard weekend for those struggling with Infertility and miscarriages

Mother's Day weekend is a hard time of year for those that struggle with infertility and miscarriages. I hope your loved ones can give you a hug. I have been there and let me tell you it was some of the hardest times to get through, especially at church. I hope your church recognizes the mothers out there that have lost a baby in pregnancy and beyond and those that are struggling to achieve that ultimate dream of becoming a mother due to infertility.

I sat in church one year thinking that I would never become a mother. I would never be able to bring a child into this world to love and raise in my shadow. I feared it. I cried over it and I cried when the pastor asked all the mothers to stand up and be recognized. That next year I wrote a letter to the pastor asking him to please recognize those of us that had lost a pregnancy and or child in or after birth as we are moms to those babies and those struggling to become moms. He did it. Thank you pastor!

I have been there and I understand. If you have questions on how to deal with this, please feel free to ask.

Many understanding hugs and prayers to the angels in heaven we have lost. Mommy loves you.

I am so thankful Adoption has brought the love of Motherhood into my life and thank you to Julia's birthmother for making that possible. I did send her a Birthmother's day card combined with a Mother's day card because she is a beautiful mother to julia's birthsiblings!

Happy Mother's day to all friends infertile, those that have miscarried and those that are mothers after all the struggles. Hugs to all.

19 month update and random thoughts and milestones

yes, this post will be all over the place.

Monday, last week, Julia turned 19 months old. I keep thinking to myself that it truly can't be that long since I saw her coming into this world. Yes, I saw her take her first breath and believe me, when I go back and think about it, what a blessing it was to be there. I thank her birthmother every day in my thoughts for these wonderful moments I can relive.

19 months brings us to a very energetic, yet very inquisitive time in our lives. I do mean all of our lives. She keeps us on our toes with trying to outwit, outlast and outplay us all, including her baby-sitter (her aunt). LOL Yes, she is a survivor and plays the game very well. This past few weeks she has been working on breaking in her eye-canine teeth. She has been very cranky through it all and drooling again like she was when she was 4-10 months old. WOW... reliving slobber drool soaked clothes on her and I is fun. NOT. LOL She won't wear a bib like she did back then so she stands a good chance of having a soak shirt or two each day.

Time out is working so well that when she gets into trouble, I only have to ask her to go to time out and she does. She puts herself in time out. WOW... we are really working on explaining reasons for avoiding time out in the future and understanding the consequences of it once she finishes her one minute in time out. Tonight, after she went into time out for having hit her for no reason at all, I walked her over to hannah and asked her to apologize to hannah and she did. Ahhhh, it is working.

The vocabulary is blossoming so fast I can't keep up. She repeats everything, thus DH and I are really really trying hard to avoid the curse words. LOL. She also has picked up some lovely spanish from Dora and Boots. Fun. Her favorite word to say in spanish is "open". In Spanish it is ABRA, but Julia puts a little twist on it. LOL Sounds more like abuela (which means grandma). LOL, but we can tell she means open.

I have not posted much on the adoption side of our lives because, honestly, it has been a raw spot for me. I think DH is dealing with it better than I am. We are so greatful for Julia in our lives and blessed, don't get me wrong. Living with having lost contact with her birthmother has been my rough spot with talking about things here. I can't password protect my posts so I just don't post. See, a few weeks back, we got a call from Julia's birthsister and let me tell you it really stirred some emotions in me that I never really expected. Knowing she reached out to Julia and us is so touching (she is so young too, but understands that she has a birthsister in Julia), yet it really makes me ache with possibly what her birthmother is dealing with these days emotionally in the aftermath of placing her daughter for adoption. We have a semi-open adoption now, no contact with Julia's birthmother , but now her birthsister has, out of the blue, called and talked to us and asked how Julia is. We of course asked her how she and her brother are (julia's birthbrother) and she said all is well and even asked if she can send us a picture of herself. YES!!! I'll even send a stamped envelope for her to send it to us. I really hope we can see them one day again in person. Meantime, I am putting together the 1 year letter that was already written, another letter and many pictures again since then. I will get a photo book to put them in and send them off for Mothers Day and Birth Mothers Day this coming weekend. We told Julia's birthsister to call us any day, night she wants!!

Happy Birthdmothers Day to all of the birthmothers out there.

baby mania sale, tillis park playground?, grants farm 2009

Don't forget, Mehlville high school is having the baby mania sale this weekend. Saturday 8 am - 12 pm. I am making my list of things I need to find for Ms. Julia, who is growing out of her 18 month sizes at now 19 months of age.

Does anyone know why Tillis Park at McKnight and Litzsinger has the playground closed? it was roped off with yellow "police/caution" tape this afternoon when I drove by there. I have never taken Julia there so I drove into the park to see how "good" the playground was and it was closed. Hummmmm. Let me know if you have heard why and when it will reopen.

Grants Farm 2009. I bought a season parking pass. $40.00. Well worth it. Julia REALLY enjoyed it, we did too. The Goats were a great experience for her and it really brought back all the fun memories of when I was younger and got to feed the goats. Oh and the Llama too!

Oh beautiful day, but someone is under the weather

Ms. Julia is still not 100% after a bout of a viral infection this past week. I had to leave work early Wednesday to get her from the sitters and take her into the docs office. From there, diagnosed with this said viral infection, she spiked a 102.8 fever and was just shaking from the fever plus a few vomiting episodes. That is one scary thing. I watched her close all night. DH slept so he could go to work on Thursday. I didn't sleep very much. Julia did, only after I dosed her with motrin around 11 pm Wed. evening. She broke that nasty fever over night, but it still lingered Thursday. Now today, Saturday, she is not feeling great again. Such beautiful weather and we can't go out and enjoy it. sucks.

I am working my mom's ebay account until further notice. Ahhhh, it is busy. I am honest and say I miss that kind of extra spending money, but I sure don't miss the very very busy days where I would come home and have to work ebay sales instead of spending much quality time with Julia. My mom is retired and seems to love doing this ebay thing. Heck, I got her into it, so I am glad she likes it.

I hope you are all out enjoying the day. April 2009 has been a great month so far.

Oh, Julia turns 19 months on Monday. Where has the time gone? I am loving her new ability to put multiple words together by both speaking them and signing them. I continue to work with her on signing words. I'll never stop doing that. I don't know fluent sign language, but I do know many single words and I am learning some phrases to sign to her. I can sign the abc's and then sign "now I know my abc's", but I have to learn how to sign "Next time won't you sing with me". hehe

I think her favorite words right now are "outside" and "more". LOL She has started confusing Up with Down. So when she wanted up in her highchair, she said down and pointed to her straps. I enjoy hearing her talk to me in her gibberish talk. it is like she is telling me a whole story.

Walking the dog

Can you guess what happened to Julia just moments after I took this picture of her walking Hannah while camping?


I don't have a picture of the aftermath, but did you guess that she was on the ground flat out after Hannah took off fast after a bird on the ground? Yup, she was. Hannah won't run off, thankfully, but Julia did not like the idea of being drug on the ground for a few feet because Hannah wanted so much to eat that bird and didn't care that Julia was the one walking her and the line ran out of the leash. Julia didn't let go of the leash when it ran out either. This is the reason I won't let Julia walk the dogs on concrete!

Dear Daughter....

HAPPY FOREVER FAMILY DAY TODAY

adoption is a blessing in our lives and will always celebrate with joy in our hearts.

CVS is coming.. CVS is coming. And Wendy's too...

Ok, two things coming to the greater St. Louis area are CVS and Wendy's. Well, Wendy's is not technically in St. Louis City, but McKnight and Manchester is sure close enough. Also, CVS stores are going to POP up very soon on a Walgreen.s corner near you. WWOOOOOOHOOOOOOO. Yes, as a former employee of Walgreen.s, I tell you this CVS deal moving opposite corner of nearly all walgreen.s in the future is going to give them a run for their buck. CVS also has much better savings deals than walgreen.s.

Ahhhhhh, more later