granted permission.... Nookie mentioned......

WARNING>> doing the duty, you know...... humping, metioned below<<<

Well, when in the recovery room after retrieval on Friday at SIRM St. Louis, the nice nurse came in to give us our discharge papers and instructions to get us to the day we are called for transfer to come in. Which by the way could be either tomorrow AM (Monday) for a 3 day xfer or Wednesday AM for a 5 day transfer. (btw, We have 11 beautiful embies growing in the lab!).... in those instructions we were told to have intercourse the night before the possible transfer. Soooo here is the senario and then I will talk about this issue of intercourse before the transfer.

Senario 1: If we are a go for a 3 day transfer Monday, my all so happy DH will get some NOOKIE tonight. Nope, I can't back out of it either since the doctor instructed this for our cycle. HA

Senario 2: No matter what, we must prep for Monday to be the transfer day, so Nookie is happening for us Sunday night (sure you need to know this, right?! bahahaha) BUT BUT BUT... if they call tomorrow and say no transfer for 3 day on Monday, come in Wednesday for a 5 day transfer..... well well well my DH will be a mighty happy camper in this household.... Why? because he will not only get NOOKIE Sunday night, but if we go to 5 day transfer instead he gets another INSTRUCTED round of NOOKIE Tuesday night too. OMG. He will be in heaven if that happens.

2 nookie sessions in one week possibly? huh? Really instructed by the doctor? (well the nurse actually, but you get the drift, right?) I mean DH will be loving every minute of it. My problem is that I just went through a VAGINAL retrieval of 19 eggs from these here ovaries. ALL I CAN SAY TO THAT IS OUCH and to add some nookie session or even two nookie sessions on top of that. OMG. PAIN... This DH of mine will be instructed by ME, the Wifey.... to be extra gentle and loving.

Well to discuss the theory behind the intercourse before transfer..... I asked the nurse why? She said Theory is that it can help get the uterus ready for implantation of the embies when put back in. IN A NORMAL COUPLES situation that don't need IVF like DH and I, Think of it this way, the sperm are in the uterus when the egg is in the tube as time passes then the left over sperm are in the uterus when the fertilized egg moves to the uterus to implant... so why not make it the most mimiced environment possible?! Yup.. That is how I think of it. LOL

Ok, not that you all need to know about your LOVE MAKING sessions, but I just had to jot this down. Interesting changes from the prior clinic we were with. LOL

all vibes for good cleaving....

well after being very anxious today for THAT call to come in, you know... the call of fertilization rate..... I finally heard the phone ring today around 2:20 pm. WOW... that was a long morning and mid-day. But the sweet music and all telling caller-ID... I answered the happy phone call from SIRM St. Louis. COnnie was on the other end and asked How I was feeling. I told her Very anxious. hehe. Understandable. She said that yesterday we got 19 eggs and of those 19, 15 eggs were mature. Then the good news was that she said they embryologist confirmed today that we have 11 embryos growing strong in the lab. YEAH. Good cleaving vibes to our babies growing in the lab. (I thought we had 20 eggs, but that is ok.. it was a prelim report they gave me wheeling me out to the truck for DH to take me home)

Now comes the hard part. The WAIT. She told us to expect a call Monday AM (no specific time given, you know how hard that is to not know a time frame?) to get that call on whether we get to come in Monday for a day 3 embryo transfer or wait until Wednesday for day 5 transfer. I have mixed feelings about this issue. I want my embies back in me safe, but then again I want them healthy so if they make it to day 5 and blastocysts stage then we know for sure they are in great shape. SOOOOOO, the wait continues.

What does wait time mean? well for me it is excess time for my brain to churn up senarios, possibilities, worries, hope, crazy thoughts... etc. I am able to keep busy by surfing the internet, butt then I am also bored of TV. so what to do to pass the time? POGO.com has my vote. Word whomp and a few other favorites.

Oh.. bloatedness is abundant. I am pushing the water and also drinking gatorade. I hope for NO OHSS. google that if you want to know what it is. OUCH is all I can say.

DH and I were invited to a halloween party, but man I can't get myself to get up and shower and my belly looks 5 months pg at this point from the bloating so I think I will skip that party and just send DH and tell him to tell them I am working. YIKES> I hate that, but I hate missing the party. I won't be much of a party girl in pain so I will lay in bed all night and catch up on my TIVO'd shows. Desperate Housewives and Lost.

Kelly.. congrats on your US news.

Blessings to all.

Don't forget to turn back those clocks in the USA.

divide embies divide.

well.... from 12 follies we sure got a basket full of surprises...

not sure how many are mature, but I woke up from the best retrieval yet... NOPE< I DID NOT WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RETRIEVAL FOR A CHANGE.

a nice basket full of 20 eggs retrieved. I could not believe it... 12 follies and some lagging brought us 20 eggs? WOOOHOOOO


Now the long 24 hour wait.... fertilization call comes tomorrow around 12 pm.

I did have to get a benedry shot due to hives from either the anesthesia or the antibiotic by IV, but that was fine because I slept from 12 pm to 6 pm tonight.

I am so pleased. The process at this new clinic was fabulous. The staff and all were terrific. I don't even remember talking to the doc today. I got a shnot in the IV as soon as I got on the retrieval table and then 15 second later, I don't remember a thing. Thank goodness. I woke up to them reminding me to take a few deep breaths, but then I slept off and on in recovery.

Lets go embies... GO EMBIES GO.


oh.. for one nice surprise for DH.. he and I get to have intercourse the night before transfer which will be either Monday transfer or Wedneday day 5 transfer.
++++++++++++ I will update when they call tomorrow to tell us how many embies we have.

1 little, 2 little, 3 little follies... keep singing

up to 12 little follies.....well, yup.. 12 follies ready to go and a few laggers ... that is for retrieval tomorrow(friday) am. we go the go ahead for trigger last night at 10:15 am and then retrieval is set for tomorrow at 9:45 am. YEAH.

I have most of the follies growing on the left side and that explain the reason my left side feels so heavy and sore. LOL

I am nervous, but I feel good about Dr. A's office and procedures. I had a friend tell me to not worry about being awake for retrieval at all. They give good drugs. Ahhhhhh

You would think that after 4 other fresh retrievals that I would not be one bit nervous, but I am. Chance is hard. But I have to put my faith in the clinic and the wonderful staff and Dr. A himself to bring us a good count of follies aspirated to bring a good number of eggs gathered. I pray for great quality and great fertilization. I pray that DH produces "HIS" good sample tomorrow!

I am so nervous. I am excited, I am sore, I am filled with JOY that this is possible.

churning is right on....

today I gave my most precious blood at 7:40 am. I then took a 1/2 day of vacation to fit in my first US scan. That US scan proved the real churning of follies in my belly.

Right ovary is producing 4 or 5 measurable follies between 12mm and 16 mm. I saw lots more smaller than that. Maybe some 10's and 8's lagging behind on the right side.

Oh then he went to the left side... YOUCH.. he had to push and then pull towards him to get the ovary in sight. He is so kind and asked if I was doing ok! Well, doc sure, It hurts, but if you get some good news to give me it is well worth the pain. LOL

The left side has brought us about 8 measurable follies. 12mm -16 mm's each. BUT behind those follies are about 8 more that are 8mm-12mm's in size so I am really churning them around.

My E2 level after 7 full days of stims was a nice 1700.

My lining is a nice pillow of 10 mm thick. I am to do the rest of my viagra suppositories tonight and into tomorrow AM. BTW, those thing are not bad at all. They leave a little residue like most vaginal suppositories, but I do believe that between the viagra and the acupuncture that I am doing, My lining has grown a nice size. I asked Dr. A what size lining he is shooting for and he remarked that a 10 is great and it could be a 11-12 mm by time we transfer. YEAH!

I am to do my 300iu of follistim pen tonight, 1 vial of repronex, dexamethasone and folic acid with PNV's. Then 5u of lupron in the AM, 300iu of Follistim in the PM tomorrow night but no repronex. Wednesday AM 5 u if lupron and then I go back in at 1 pm for b/w and US scan again. I asked Dr. A what he thought my schedule will be and it looks like we would possibly trigger Wednesday night and then retrieve Friday morning. Transfer will most likely be a 3 day again. Fine with me. I feel better having our babies back inside me instead of leaving them to grow in the lab.... Although I root them on for freezing if they are in the lab.

I am overall very pleased with this cycle. I am feeling the pain in the back by the kidneys from my ovaries working and churning up a nice respectable number of follies. I am feeling good today because I went into acupuncture and got a full work over for balance. Thanks Doc. And thanks to Kelly for listening to my hormonal blubbering self. I had a little tiff over the stims meds today not being covered, but I will make it through it for the rest of the cycle.


You know what I miss this cycle of all? My DH being involved. He has no duties yet in this cycle. Why? Well in previous cycles he had to give me my IM shots of Pergonal in the hips each day. Well this cycle he does not have to do that because the Repronex is a Sub q shot so I do both the follistim pen and the repronex shot myself. LOL

Last night's shot was done in the bathroom stall at my work. I had to. I was working a 5-11 pm shift after the day job and brought my cooler with my meds in them and then took them to the bathroom stall to do . Luckily nobody walked in while I was doing them. I did rush the shots a little and bled, but that only lasted a few minutes.

Today is good. Cheers to some nice follies on Wednesday and hopefully a trigger shot in the PM Wed night and then tentative retrieval on Friday day and transfer on Monday day. YEAH. PRAYERS that this all falls into place.

churn babies churn...

the ovaries are sure churning with activity. YEAH.


b/w is at 7:40 am and then first follie US scan *YEAH< date with mr dildo cam* tomorrow at 1:40 pm.


go follies go.

detached?

or just lack of contact making me feel this way?

I know I can't compare my cycles between two different doctors, but I will say that I am still trying to get use to the idea that the monitoring between the two clinics is so different and I was so spoiled to so many US's in my first 4 IVF cycles from the previous clinic that it is hard to keep attached to this cycle so far.

I have yet to have a follicle check on my ovaries and I am on day 5 of follistim and day 2 of repronex. I do go in Monday at 1:40 pm to get my scan from the RE himself. YEAH. I go in Monday at 7:40 am for b/w to check my E2 levels and then at 1:40 to go in and check the follies by scan. I am just scared I guess. Scared of the possiblity that I have no follies or little follies growing.

Detached? well, I guess that might all change on Monday at the US. I have to keep reminding myself that this RE is a good one and he knows what he is doing, but the doubt always seems to interject into my mind that he does not "know" how "I" respond to stims. We have done one cycle with this clinic, but it was a frozen transfer cycle that ended in a chemical pregnancy in June/July of this year. I have to stop and look around me knowing that this new clinic and the staff are so very wonderful, knowledgeble too. I was so accustomed to having the staff support me at the other clinic that I only saw that RE(himself) 3 times in my IVF cycle up to the beta. First was the consult, second was retrieval and third was transfer. Whereas I see the doc at almost every appointment I have been to there, even if it is just passing him in the hallway on my way to give blood. HA. I love it.

I was on the way to work today and had a cough hit me. I coughed and then immediately wenched in a little bit of pain. It was a good thing though. You ask why? Well, that pain was from the pelvic region and it was a good sign that my ovaries are tender and filling up with at least a few follies. hehe. I can say that after having done 4 fresh cycles, I can feel and tell what my body is doing .. meaning, it IS ramping up on the follistim and repronex, but I just wonder now many follies. I know, I know.. quality over quantity, but heck I can't stand the wait. AHAHAHA

Today is DH's 41st b-day. Happy Birthday Sweetie. I hope you pick a good restaurant we can go out to dinner to. I know I have this inner feeling you will say "Chevy's" but hey, I am cool with that. I am up for a nice mexican trio enchalada plate. Although, I will have to pass on the NICE HOUSE MARGARITA since we are in the depths of our cycle. LOL I have to remind him about the beer too. oh joy, I get to make the birthday boy not so happy with not being able to drink a brew or two. Sorry dear, but I need your swimmers in tip top shape. hehe.

Ok, I am starting to really think about our 15th wedding anniversary next September. Why think about it now? Well, I told DH I wanted to go to Las Vegas and renew our wedding vows. He agreed and now it is time for me to start planning on the money and travel. I work for a travel company so I will see what they say about how far in advance I should book it. YEAH. VEGAS BABY, HERE WE COME. LOL. I know, I might just be planning way too far in advance, but I have to. I have to make sure we can go celebrate and I hope it is with our first born child in arms too.

Ok, did I put you to sleep yet? if so, Sorry. Just had lost to jot down.


Sorrry our Cardiac Cardinals did not bring the Championship to our house one last time before they tear it down.
Better luck next year in the New Bush Stadium

well well well.... hot flash, hot flash hot flash

I will get rid of these hot flashes in a few days time finally. Why, you ask? Well, I am on day 2 of Follistim for this cycle and that means that my E2(estrogen) levels are slowly climbing up. YEAH. Thus it will replenish my body with the much needed hormones that I have been stripped of from the dreaded LOOPY LUPRON. Day 2 of follistim was not bad at all. Yesterday's first shot was a little stingy(is that even a word?). I injected it when it was still a little cold and not at room temp. Well today's shot was much better. I left it sit out while I ate dinner with DH and that seemed to take the sting away from the shot.

Last night I did my shot in my car before I worked my 5-11 shift of overtime in the call center. I worked all day and then left to go to the other building and decided to do my shot in my car instead of the bathroom in the building. LOL Tonights shot was done in the comfort of my own house. Nice. But tomorrow nights shot will be done in the car again between buildings and shifts. hehe... What a story I get to tell my kid one day.

I am suppose to have a yard sale this weekend over at my sisters house but I don't want to haul all my stuff over there and then back if I don't sell it. Ugh. What to do? I need the extra cash to put towards the thought of having embies to freeze. I think the cost for that is 2000.00 and 2 or 3 hundred towards that from the profit of a yard sale would be helpful.

Well, I got no news from my BIL to see if he could get my speeding ticket fixed so I had to finally break down and call a lawyer traffic ticket firm. I hired a firm that is on Manchester in the City. I have heard good things and let me tell you the lawyer fee was only 40.00 comparned to T L C's 90.00 and 183.00 up front for court costs and ticket amendments costs. NO WAY.. they wanted money up front for something they had not done yet? not. so this other lawyer will go with my 40.00 payment for their services and then go to court and have the moving violation hopefully knocked down to a non-moving violation and then the cost will most likely be 150.0 or so for that and court costs. Crossing fingers that it is not more expensive than that. LOL Oh.. that gives me more reason to have that yard sale then. LOL

OK, off to eat a Tums(food day was great at work today for Boss's Week celebration).

night to you all and Cheers for some good follicle growth to happen in the next 4-5 days.

GO CARDINALS. Cardiac Cards. I LOVE YOU

Gotta love this weather.

Oh I am basking in the wonderful chilled house of ours this AM. I love it, open windows, and so chilly that the windo fans are turned off at bed time. Yeah.

I wish I were camping right now and out enjoying the turning and falling leaves of Fall time. I love cool weather. I love the crisp clean air in the early morning when I go to let the dogs out. Dew on the rails of the deck and nice wood fireplace smell in the air. Ahhhhh, I love Fall.

Speaking of Fall, do you have a winter wardrobe? I don't. I am hot blooded and need a fan on most of the year. I dress in short sleeves all year around and will then just add a sweater if I feel cold or a jacket if outside. I can't stand having a warm shirt on that I can't take down a layer. I often wear a ss t-shirt then a larger button up shirt on top of that, but I can't stand wearing things like turtle necks if I am not outside for a long period of time. Ice Skating I will wear them or when we do camp and are outside at the fire, but even then I rather put on a t-shirt, sweatshirt and then a coat in layers so when I do feel warm I can take down those layers. LOL How do you deal with your wardrobe?

oh my ... good mood to a bad mood.

today was a very good day for the most part. A friend got her + from a donor embie cycle yesterday, I am very happy for her, then today I had a good morning and went to a few yard sales, went to get new eye glass lenses, then went to the great support group meeting by Dr. Jan DeMasters.

I left there, went to Schnuck's and StL. Bread Co to get items for tomorrows breakfast... then headed home. I got DH to go to K mart with me to get a few things and then BOOM, It hit me and hit me hard. A total 180 degree turn of my mood. I had a MAJOR hot flash while in Kmart with DH and I had to call him on his cell hpone and ask him to meet me and hurry up. I was not feeling well at all. I felt as though I had been dehydrated and started feeling heevish... (is that even a word?)

We headed home, ate dinner and now I feel better, but not 100%. I really wonder if this Lupron is doing this to me or did I just catch a nasty germ in the air that made me feel yucky for a few hours? I feel as though I could lay down and just lay there for 10 hours even without sleeping because I feel exhausted.

I am drinking my water.....I am resting as much as possible and I get to add in stimmulants on Monday!!! YIPPEEE.
Come on Ovaries, pay well for mommy and daddy.


Today was a good day, I blame all the bad things on the lupron! ahahahahaha

Cheers to a good day tomorrow: Although, I have to work 3-11 pm. Wow.

Cheers to some good powerball #'s too. hehe

ALL CLEAR (echo's down the train tracks)

train tracks that are the rollercoaster ride of my life.

ALL CLEAR is the equal to a green light to start stims on Monday the 17th for our IVF cycle. I have been on lupron since the 5th and AF is peeking her head in. I went in yesterday AM for my b/w and US for baseline. I am all clear. NO PESKY cysts. YEAH.

So, I walked in for my b/w and the nurse said "We have a few goody bags for you here" well those 3 bags contained my needles, Follistim Pen case, needles for the Pen, then a goody bag of Follistim, Repronex, Ovidril trigger shot, and some PIO. YEAH. I felt like I was trick-or-treating! That goody bag was a bag of GOLD if you ask me. Compliments of the INCIID the HEART scholarship program. So far this has been a small amount invested money wise.. 525.00 for anesthesia paid 2 weeks ago. about 320.00 for the Viagra suppositories and antibiotics for the retrieval and some Zanex(sp?). Then in hopes that we are blessed enough and have some embies to freeze this cycle.... that might cost us a bit. 2000.00 or more? not sure on that but I need to ask them just in case.

Minimal costs invested, but lot whole lot of EMOTIONS. I am scared. I am anxious, I am hoping and praying hard, I am , I am..... I am..... I want this cycle to work, I would love to be pregnant and share that with DH. I pray and ask God to bless us to get pregnant with a singleton and I sure hope that we are Blessed with that wish. I can't do twins due to history of miscarrying 2 different sets of twins from IVF's. I hope and pray we can get one to implant so my uterus can handle the stretching and not have the subchorionic bleeds as I did with the twin pgcy's. I hope and pray I can get pg and then enjoy being pregnant.

I took my friends advice and started Acupuncture this cycle. I went last night and really really enjoyed meeting the Doc. She is a chiropractor/acupuncturist. She went over my history and was very impressed I knew so much. She asked me if I was considering going into the medical field. I said Yes, I was. I said I would go to nursing school if I could afford it. But anyway.. she focused on my ovaries, uterine region, collar bones for stress, sinus region for stress and sinus pressure, then my head to touch on regions on my neck and back. I go back next Tuesday night and will also ask for an adjustment on my back. I can't wait. She told me not to expect to feel MAGIC when I walked out of there, but more of a feeling of a Balance in my body. I swear to you, after doing my deep breathing while doing the acupuncture, I was feeling so relaxed like I had just slept for 12 hours straight. I loved it. I am focusing on my blood flow through my body. Muscles working on relaxing, becoming whole again and feeling balanced and not out of whack. I like this. I wish I had tried it previous to now, but I am so glad Kelly referred me to the Doc's office.

I miss bloggin', I miss being able to come home and sit down and type out what I am thinking. I will work on at least blogging into an email to myself and post it quickly before I get home and go to bed after the 14.5 hours I have been working the last few weeks.

Oh, did I tell you about the great ticket I got? NO, not a F*cking concert ticket either... A nasty speeding ticket in Rock Hill MO. Jerk for a COP said I was doing 43 in a 30, but was going 5 miles an hour faster than the car in front of me. HELLO?! If I was going that fast and the guy in front of me was going 5 miles an hour Slower than me... duh, I would have hit the guy. Dumbass of a Cop he was. I want to fight it in court, but I can't afford to have the insurance get ahold of the ticket. Why you ask? Well, 3 things... My car accident in Dec '04 and DH's accident this past week. UGH. I have to go this week to get it fixed. I hope I can find a good ticket Lawyer. Court is the 24th and I have totally put this off since I have been working so much. Dang. OUCH on the cost too. OUCH. Me and my 50 lb foot will lay off the gas pedal more now. LOL

Ok, I hope you are are doing well in cyber land. Off to go browse the internet some and catch up.


GO CARDINALS. I have not given up on you and won't. I hope the FAT lady does not SING for us this year and allow us to bask in the shadow of that World Series Trophy.

damn, I miss this place.

so much so that I have been left speechless. LOL

No, I have lots to update, but will do so later tonight... tune in!

I miss the internet...loopy on lupron

Gosh.. how crazy is that? I am lost without being able to visit my regular sites on the internet.. with working these long crazy hours I am stuck without access to YOU all. LOL

Day 3 of lupron... going camping... I have to work Sunday afternoon after camping, but at least I get to get away for a few days. Adults only weekend! YEAH.


Blessings to you all. Prayers to everyone.

CHeers until next week.

I am alive, I am here, just not here on this page as much as I want to be.


Can't wait until Next Wednesday's LOST episode.


off to go smell up my clothes of a nice camp fire and a margarita or two. yum

did you miss me? I missed you all and the internet

well, I am done with 3 straight weeks of working 68-70 hours each. I am now only going to work Sunday nights 3-11, Monday nights 5-11 and Wednesday nights 5-11. I will still pull some nice OT since I work 8:30-4:30 M-F at the day part of the job, but as long as they are offering the OT I am taking it up to the retrieval week of our cycle. I will take that week off of the night part of the job for OT so I can focus on the retrieval and xfer the week starting the 28th of Oct!!!

I start lupron this Wednesday AM, I am still on bcp's and will be until the 9th. I am going to do follistim, repronex, viagra suppositories, dexamthasone and viatmins in the stim phase. I will then do PIO shots and E2/p4 suppositories in the 2ww. FUN.

I was feeling very very numb to this cycle, but for some reason today I have been given a boost in the good feelings department. I think it is because I saw several mom's that were formerly in the IF support group here in town. We walked for Natalie on the SLU campus here in St. Louis for cancer research. Natalie is an inspiration, battling breast cancer, she hugged me and told me she had a great feeling for DH and I with this IVF cycle. She inpires me to keep my hope no matter what we are faced with. Amazing. I am praying hard for her to get good news that her cancer is shrinking even more when her next visit comes along. It was so good to see Natalie, Lisa, Vicki, and Michele. I love you all. You remind me that my goal is to become a parent in all this. You all showed me that again today how strong that goal is now.

I miss browsing the internet. I miss reading all your blogs and updates online. I miss my cycle buds. YEAH.. It is finally OCTOBER.

Lets see, this month entails..... sadly 2 anniversaries of the losses of both sets of twins we miscarried. First anniv of the frist set of twins is on the 7th, that was from IVF#2 loss in 2002. Second loss of twins was on the 10th in 2003. I miss my angels. On a better note, we are camping next weekend(Adults only weekend). DH's 41st bday on the 21st. Oh and lets not forget.... OUR IVF cycle. Transfer might possibly be on HALLOWEEN hehe.. Thanks Vicki... that is a good day for a transfer.

Oh, btw, GO CARDINALS.............WE ARE THE CARDINAL NATION.............. GO CARDINALS. Tomorrow is the last regular home game in BUSH stadium ever. Sad, but I can't wait to go to the new ball park that is already 1/3 of the way done. We went to the game today and sat in the bleechers and had a blast.

GO CARDINALS.

relaxing

I took the day off. I have worked 67.5 hours last week and this week I put in 62.5 hours. I am off tonight so I can join my family camping at Mark Twain Lake for the weekend. Ahhhhh, feel the relaxing. Work is good. I took to the phones last night by myself after the phones got busy and took my mentor off to take her own calls. I think I did ok. I am still unsure of some things, but they will be learned over time.

Yet again, some of our offices in LA are in the path of this next hurricane, but not directly so far. If the hurricane stays west of the TX/LA line then we should be ok. Prayers to everyone involved in both states.

As far as the IVF cycle, I go in today at 3 pm to get my calendar to go over our cycle of when we start lupron, stims and such. I expect to do retrieval around the 28th or 29th of Oct. and possibly a Halloween day transfer!

I am getting excited, but also staying reserved to an extent. Being the 5th IVF fresh cycle, I am prepped on the most part of what to expect, but this is a new clinic for this fresh cycle so I am anticipating a few things to be slightly different.

I miss bloggin' I miss you all. I miss being online but I can't do that from work as they monitor us there now. Dang.

Next week should be a good week except for work..... WE found out yesterday that things are changing at our place of business.... merging with several other clubs and this could bring on LAYOFFS. I hope and pray that my job is not in the path of layoffs. If and only IF my boss RETIRES early then I would be in harms way, but you never know so my guard is up. With this hurricane and such costs of cleanup and claims, I fear layoffs of our sales force and travel departments. BUT if we merge with a company that already has an IT staff support then we would be in trouble. UGH. I hate limbo. I have to call into my co-worker in about an hour to see what the president said in their memo and MEET THE PRESISENT briefing meeting we are all attending over the next 3 days. I don't go to that meeting until Monday, but should know what is going on when I call my work to get the Email update. Wish us luck. I can't go without working. I have to know if we are secure in our jobs for now. We sure don't need this stress going into a cycle. HA.

More later or on Sunday when I get back from camping.

Bottoms up.

14 years.... really?

this past week, my husband and I celebrated (well not really since I worked all day and night at the job) our 14th wedding anniversary.

Sept 14th, 1991 was a VERY VERY HOT DAY. 94 degrees in ST. Louis. HOT, HUMID, with a church wedding (grade school church I grew up at) and a reception for 200 in my parents back yard on the same street as the church. St. Margaret of Scotland Church. A typical Catholic reception that killed 4 1/2 barrels of beer and 6 cases of cans of beer too. LOL Ask DH about the beer bongs he did that night at our reception.. ask him if he remembers ME driving his sad drunk ass to the hotel after the reception?! BUT he does rememeber what we did that night. HA

So since we did not get to celebrate our 14th anniversary together.... we are going to go to Las Vegas next year in 2006 to celebrate the HUGE milestone of 15 years. We will renew our vows. We will be remarried in an ELVIS chapel .... not sure which one... we will have a blast!

Happy 14th anniversary my dear hubby.

changes are sometimes not beneficial

I made more work for myself and I hate that.

I changed my name on this blog so I can reply with a name related to my blog and to have an email attached. Well, when I did that, for some odd reason (user problem obviously but don't want to admit it,LOL) I locked myself out of my own blog. Damn. LOL I had to work all week long from 8:30 am to 11 pm so my brain was fried this week and it took me until tonight to remember my damn sign-on and my password. I still could not remember my password so I had to request to change it. Doh.

Work is ok.. I am tired when I get home, but so tired that I am wired awake from the 11:30 home time to the falling asleep time of 1 am. I averaged 5 hours a night of sleep after being gone from the house for nearly 16 hours. BUT.. the big PLUS to this all is that my check is FAT with OVERTIME. I know, I know, Uncle Sam will have a nice chunk of that OT, but at least I will see some of it and at least I can count on that money being used against my out of pocket costs for the I N C I I D T H E H E A R T cycle of IVF. I am thrilled to know that we have minimal costs out of pocket. About 550.00 for the anesthesia, about 200 for meds for both DH and I, about 2000.00 for freezing and yes, I have hope that we have a chance at freezing some embies out of this all. I won't be crushed if we don't, but I will remain with hope for that to happen.

GOOOO CARDINALS. YEAH.. they CLinched today. It was fun watching the celebration in the clubhouse at Wrigley field. Shame we could not clinch here, but that is ok,,,, we will be here celebrating soon enough.

DH and I are going to the second to last game of the season on October 1st. I can't wait. I wish we could have gotten ticket for the last game, but I am going to beg DH to go down to the stadium on the 2nd and stand outside the gates and just listen to the game on a radio. At least we can say we were there for the LAST game. LOL we might have to get there EARLY to do that, but I am game. We also heard today that the current Bush Stadium will not be imploded.

ok, back later.

" Where were you when ________ happened?"

That is a question that seems to happen in different generations past, present and future.

My generation, "Where were you when the planes hit the World Trace Centers? "

See, I was not even born when Kennedy was Assassinated. So the question falls on me of where where you when.......

I was on my way to work listening to the local dj's when all of the sudden they said.. "Folks, you will not believe what we just heard about on the tv(they had in TV in studio watching the Today Show). They had seen the footage of the smoke coming out of the frist tower hit. I was in the parking lot when they said this. I rushed inside and turned on the radio again. Immediately told my boss what was happening and then my co-worker too. We rushed to log onto the internet and see if there was news of the craziness. I then proceeded to go down to the LHM chapel and say a few prayers. By this time they had a TV in their chapel and were watching and I looked up and GASPED.. It was the second plane going into the second tower. I about fell to the ground in shock. I was holding my hands over my mouth to hold in the screams. I was horrified. I saw that plane glide right into that building. I immediately said "terrorists" out loud along with 4 or 5 others in the chapel. I called my husband to make sure he was watching and he was and his voice cracked "This is a bad thing".

My Gosh, What was happening? Well, the rest of the day unfolded in tears. Every time I heard a new radio report, or possilble plane crashes(about 50 warnings happened that day throughout the day) then the Pentagon, then the other plane that crashed. We were under attack. I could hear the helicopters flying about outside my windows, Fighters jets were scrambled from Lambert Int'l Airport. All Air Traffic ceased then. I was listening to the radio when the DJ's said they saw the building crashing down. All they were saying was "OMG, the building is coming down" what a chill that ripped through my body. I thought that we were in trouble throughout our land. Again more reports of possible plane hijacking came across the wires, but really it was false alarms of planes that had not landed yet. I ran downstairs again to watch the TV and that was when the 2nd tower collapsed. I again covered my mouth with my hands to restrain from screaming out loud. I said to myself that we are going to have thousands dead and O s a m a was responsible for this. I said that to a co-worker and they thought I was crazy.

I watched the news channels for days, weeks, months and just cried. I donated through work for relief funds. I said my prayers and I felt helpless in all this.

I don't know anyone personally that was involved with the actual events, except a friend of my boss that worked at an affiliated club of ours. That friend of my boss asked us to just Pray.

Prayers can't completely heal the pain, but I know I did what I could and I know it helped someone somewhere in one way or another.

My boss visited Ground Zero a year later and brought back pictures of the nearly cleaned out hole that remains from the towers, but I could not say I felt the pain of those that are directly touched by the losses of their friends, family, etc.. I was sad, I ached, but I can't imagine what they all went through that day and weeks to follow.

I say a prayer again for those that were lost, for those that lost, and for those that still hurt.

9/11 Never forgotten

Sunday football kickoff..... Are you a Sunday Football Widow?

Do you become a widow on Sunday's and Thurday nights for Pro Football or even Saturday's for College Football?

Well, I am lucky and can say that I am not a football widow. In fact my husband (dh) is on the couch snoozing right now. He is not a huge fan of football. He watches it, but could miss a game a not be upset.

Are you a FOOTBALL SUNDAY WIDOW? Does your DH take off to the buddy's house and have their Sunday afternoon football party without you?

My family mostly comprises of Baseball fans. GO CARDINALS, METS ARE POND SCUM. SOme of our family comprises of Hockey fans, well you all know we have tainted tastes in our mouths from this past FAILED hockey season. Some are Nascar Fans. .... very few are Football fans.

Are you a Widow on Football Sunday's?

mouth watering...............

DH and I camp, but we don't rough it. We camp with a travel trailor. We have had long nights on an air mattress and went sleepless in a tent so we had decided back in 1999 to buy a pop up camper. We then upgraded from that to a 19 foot pull behind travel trailor (paid off and made money on that trade) to upgrade yet again to a 31 foot trailor. I love it. It is paid for due to the fact we are in this scholarship program and that freed up our funds from our tax refund this year and put it into our 31 foot coachman and we are surely enjoying it, thank goodness we sold the 19 foot trailor on Ebay!!! Most importantly, we can take our doggies and they live in it like luxury. We humans don't spent much time in it since I am a camp fire lover myself so the dogs rule the roost there.

What made my mouth water today? well, we went to The Mills Mall today and enjoyed the 95 degree heat, NOT, to climb in and out of at least 150 different travel trailor models on the grounds from the dealers and then enjoyed walking up into and sitting in the BUS luxury house on wheels. That one ran about the price of 280,000 dollars. OMG.. It was DA HOUSE......... I was in heaven.. but I can only imagine the gasoline that goes into a tank in that thing. LOL

We can't buy anything now, not at least for 2 or 3 years, but it is fun going and seeing the NEW ideas manufacturers have when putting together a new travel trailor.

One day.


Come on POWERBALL. LOL

and the flood gates opened..... Who said this was a SCHOLARSHIP program anyway?

Well, the flood gates of bills came falling upon my house today. The billing company for Dr. A (fertility doc) send DH and I two individual bills for our last visits. DH's SA =$230.00 Well, we have not had to pay for these b4. So why the hell are we getting billed for this now. So now I get to call the billing coordinator and bioth her out. Man, I just knew this windfall would happen.

Sooo, then the second envelope is mine and addressed to me for my sonohystiogram(sp?) aka fluid US. Well... after reading about 8 lines of different costs... the total of the billing comes to 1350.00. Yes, ONETHOUSANDTHREEHUNDREDFIFTYDOLLARS AND ZERO CENTS. HELLO?! I have diagnostic coverage insurance for IF. WHY THE HELL are they billing me for this? WTF? I was to only pay for the 50.00 office co-pay my insurance requires that I pay for diagnostic coverages.

This boils my blood. Makes my head steam. I have to sit here all weekend and look at these fucking bills and STEW over them all weekend. I HATE THIS. Sure... I can call them on Monday and ask them to resubmit them, but I just feel the backlash I will be getting from the billing coordinator saying "No, You must submit them to the insurance company for reimbursement, so pay us NOW!" ..... BIOTCH.. I can't pay you now. I pay higher premiums for my insurance and thus I have NO cash to give you right now.

So... what will the ramifications be if we can't pay this money to them up front to wait for me to submit the bills to insurance (which I will surely as hell fight tooth and nail for them to submit them NOT ME!) well the ramifications will be that we would need to postpone the cycle due to having to figure out billing problems first before we can do our GRANTED//// SCHOLARSHIP ITH program cycle.

This calls for a Ring-a-ding-ding to the DOCTOR himself. I am furious and I don't need this stress in prep to my cycle. I am less than a month away from starting lupron and this happens?! WTF

Oh Go ahead and wash my mouth out for being such a sailor potty mouth, I DON'T CARE.
I am PISSED OFF. What do they think? My FUCKIN' insurance card in in the folder photo copied and STAPLED to the font page so how can you miss it? And if this justifies cancelling my cycle now and moving it until the NEW YEAR, I will go BALLISTIC. I will open a can of WHOOPASS on this chick that thinks she is smart to just go ahead and bill this raging hormonal ANGEL of a woman (me) right now.

Ok, deep breath....

Better... ahhhhhhhhhh

OK, I am better. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I am going to chat with a few fellow Scholarship buddies to see if they had such bad billing problems in prep to a virtually FREE IVF cycle. LOL

(i n c i i d t h e h e a r t program)

This clinic has offered their services up to those reciepients and should know better than to PIIIISSSSS us off. hehe... I am not made at the program, just the billing situation like this.




if you want more details... leave your email address and I can answer any questions you might have.

the irony of birth control pills.

when a girl comes of age these days, it is a common thing to have them put on bcp's at a young age. That is a story I will stray from with my comments,except that I was one of them due to excessive bleeding in my AF's... not because of being sexually active :0.

Well, after taking them for nearly 15 years, I went off bcp's to get in gear for ttc.

While on them, I gained weight, but never had symptoms of PCOS or Endometriosis. So in a way it was good for me, yet evil to me all those years.. meaning it would catch up to me eventually for holding off those PCOS and Endo problems all those years. I also had a septated uterus and did not know it, my STUPID OB said it was just because I was the Unlucky girl that had heavy bleeding... well if the dumbass would have done an ultrasound, they would have known I had a septated uterus and PCOS too. ENdo is not something that is detectable by US.

My GOODDOCTOR OB/gyn I have now said that it is true that my Endo could have started because I had retrograde bleeding through my tubes into my abdomen for many years due to the excessive bleeding with each AF I had. With my severe Septated uterus, I had Double the amound of endometruim tissue to bleed out each cycle. Mind you I would use about 3 boxes of 40 count tampons and about 40 pads doubled up for 8-10 days while bleeding from my period each month. EACH MONTH. That blood not only came out vaginally, but it came out into my abdomen all those years and is most likely the culprit for my severe stage IV endometriosis and badly damaged tubes *thus 2 tubal ectopic pregnancies*.

Sorry I am rambling.. but my point in all this is that in order to suppress my endo and pcos, it is suggestive I be on bcp's 24/7 356 days a year.

Today I am on week 3 of my bcp's in prep to my 5th Fresh and Final IVF cycle. I have not had one symptom of PCOS and Endo pains. BUT... after I get off them to start lupron... BOOM.. there every symptom will be again. soooooooooo what is the temporary cure for this? GETTING PREGNANT.

Yes... BCP's can be beneficial and yet used to help get me pg! bahahahahaha

does this all make sense?

well, it finally happened

our suspicions of the bil and sil having problems ttc came to the full truth. We were right. Sooo it is known and I am there for them in any way possible. DH was very supportive of my bil and told him to come talk to us any time.. OH.. the big kicker here....... drum roll please..... they are seeing the SAME RE as we are... OMG.. I could only imagine.. I would have walked in the office in a few weeks for my calendar review for this coming FRESH IVF cycle and my luck would be that I would have found my SIL and or both my sil and bil in the lobby. would that have been a shocker.. OMG. DH was LOL when bil told him that they were seeing a doctor named... A h l e r i n g on ballas rd. hehe.. I am sad that they are having such problems because it means that IF has rocked both sides of our families now. I hate that. I do wish them well in their treatments. I do want them to know we are here for them any time as they need it.

Camping this past weekend was a blast. OOOHHHUYUUMMMMMM the margaritas that BIL made were delish! Still licking my lips of that wonderful taste. Jose Quervo is delish... man. I did not sleep well so I crashed the last 2 nights at home and still feel tired. LOL Camp fires are the best. Thanks to the Gilly's for providing the fire wood. I promise I will pay you back. Oh and I made my famous tuxedo chocolate covered strawberries for everyone and they ate them up!

I managed to take 96 digital pictures of the fun. Also we have other family members that took as many so we have over 300 pictures so far to share online. hehe now if I can only manage to print some to put a scrap book together.. Yup, scrapbook! LOL

The doggies had a blast camping and did really good as to not bark too much at the stranger family members they did not really know. Of course they know grandma and did not bark at her since she slept in the camper with us. On Sunday I counted as many as 29 people there. WOW! Great job to my DH for putting this together. I can't wait until the next trip. The talk is to either travel for camping in Atlanta GA or Denver Colorado! I vote and will keep voting for Denver Colorado!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, off to water my much neglected house plants and clean the green fish tank. Poor fish.

over and out ..............well for a few days

Yup... rest and relaxation... I am out. Family reunion for Dh's family this weekend and we are making a camping trip out of it. I have to work tomorrow and Friday due to being on Disaster Recovery status at work, but that is ok.

We found out today at work that our battery fleet office in Kinner LA is gone... the battery trucks were still there, but the building was gone from around them. Amazing. They are moving the trucks to Baton Rouge and setting up a mobile station there. They were able to salvage several hundred car batteries so I hope that helps someone.

We still don't have contact with our Slidell office and Metairie LA office. Kinner is just north of Slidell from what I understand and if that building was lost / blown away, then most likely Slidell is gone too.

SOAPBOX TIME below.........
I sit and watch the news and cry with these people that are without food, water, etc... they showed a family on an overpass with their 3 yr old boy and he was going into what looked like heat exhaustion. Now they just showed someone taking a mom and 5 day old baby away in a car that has been stranded on an over pass. Where is the arial rescue efforts? I swear we responded quicker to the Tsunami in India than we are here in our own soil. Is it me just thinking that or is it true? I know roads are at an impasse for the most party, but where is the military with helicopters to drop supplies, water, MRE's? If these people did not lose their lives in the floods, winds etc of the Hurricane then they will surely starve and die that way on an overpass? WTF?!

I know, I will stop beating up our volunteers, it is not their faults, but I swear it seems our homeland response is so much slower than when we go to help other countries.

Ok, off my soapbox.

ok, try and have a nice holiday weekend and say a prayer for my sister on her Friday appointments and those involved with the Hurricane.

over and out.

Remaining hopeful on all avenues

Although we are dealing with many unstable things in life right now, I will and am remaining positive.

My sis sounded upbeat tonight. her US and panoramic scan is now Friday morning early.. this gives them time to decide if it is necessary to biopsy or completely remove the mass if it looks bad. She said she has to hope for the best that it is not cancer. I sure hope the best for her. I will remain hopeful.

I have such a wonderful support system. Kel, Thanks again.

I sat back at work today and listened to a fellow co-worker describe what he has found out about Metairie LA office we have and where he lives. He lives near Burbon Street and said that since the levee failed, his house is most likely GONE. Gosh.. I had to stop and say thank you to the higher powers for what DH and I have... The co-worker said at least his family was safe, but not sure about co-workers yet. I hope they are not injured or worse. Houses can be rebuilt and lives can move forward, but if loss happens... gosh.


I sit and enjoy my nights at home with DH. Watching our Wonderful Cardinals win games(not tonight, but close). Watch our puppies play and gosh it makes me so happy. I hope and pray that nothing happens to us ... material things are meaningless.... My love of my life, DH, is all I need.

Our country has suffered a horrific loss, but can and WILL rebuild. We did not let terrorists take us over and we will not let Katrina take us over, although she is now almost gone from our land.

Together we will survive this all. No matter what is thrown at us.


:)

It is an evil thing, but hopefully beatable for many and.... (cancer ment, not me)

hopefully not going to strike my sister(edited with another WTF! below)

Today, my sister calls me at work and asked if I had a few minutes. I was busy due to Hurricane status at work, but I said sure. I did so because she sounded like she had been crying. Sis is 40.5 yrs old, mom of 3 wonderful kiddo's and wife to a local police officer. She tells me that she got a call today from her OB after having a huge work up for hormonal issues lately. Her Mammogram shows a very large mass in one of her breasts and she must come back in on Wed. this week to have an US and scan (not sure if Cat or MRI scan ) to determine what this mass is. It is located on the back wall of the breast up against the chest wall, breast bone/rib area. She cannot feel the mass by hand and it is very hard to see by Mammogram. She then broke down to me saying that she thinks it is cancer. This is my sis saying this, not the doc necessarily. I had to be strong for my sis.... she is 5 yrs older than me and she seems to be comfroted by me when she has medical problems. I asked her if she was home alone(she was sobbing by this time and I had tears in my eyes while at work fighting back a big sob), she said yes, but her DH was on his way home ASAP. I asked her if she wanted to tell her kids yet, she said NO... I then told her she had to stop crying and be brave for the next few days and PRAY HARD as she does not know what is going on just yet. She will be enduring lots in the next few days and worst of all is the wait to get results.

CANCER.................. It took my dad at the very young age of 49. Lung Liver and Bone. (Damn cigarettes and wood stripping chemicals Dry Cleaning chemicals) and He was not able to fight it as it was aggressive. He found out September 14th of that year and was gone by December 15th 1995. Some of the most horrifying days watching him wilt away and Be Angry. But after a few weeks of consolation from our local Parish Pastor, he accepted his dying and went to God. I love you dad. I miss you.

TEARS are welling up typing this. I hate it. I hate CANCER. I know it is part of reality that many of us have to deal with, but it is such a MEAN nasty disease that it rips my heart apart to see anyone suffer from it.

I can't tell you how many times I have sat on my dad's grave and talked to him, asking him to have GOD watch over this family that remains on earth. Not to make us suffer so I hope that prayer is heard and they take care of my sis.

Gosh, the lump in my throat from crying now hurts.


Cancer took my FIL at the age of 60.
Cancer is EVIL.
Cancer is a sobering reality of reminders that we need to enjoy every minute of our lives even if we are not the one inflicted physically. We must cherish every moment.

Cancer, I wish it gone and I wish and pray that my sis is not touched with it at all.

Fear is real, but beatable.

Please keep us in your thoughts. I will update in a few days as soon as sis knows something.

A local Friend, NatalieT, is going through Cancer after IF. Please pray for her. (click her name to read her journal).

WTF EDIT...... OMG.. My gradeschool friends mom just called me and asked for my moms home #. A friend of our familes that lived across the street from us for several years has just lost her battle with ovarian / uterine cancer. OMG. WTF is going on here? I need to scream, scream so hard that it makes my throat scratchy. It will make me feel better. SOB SOB SOB. THis lady lives in Sullivan MO so I can't go to the funeral. UGH. MY GOSH. I am so sad.

who would have thought

(GROSS STUFF MENT so if you have a queasy tummy, don 't read on)
(this is IF related in a way)



...




...




I have a nasty Planters Wart on the outter ball of my left food. Right where the bottom of my foot hits the ground when walking. OUCH. I had it removed about 4 years ago by knife(I don't have words to explain the PAIN that I was in from that) and now it has grown back to a humongous size. Take a Dime and put it on the bottom of my foot, not once, but 1.5 times overlapped. Soooo, my great 50.00 copay to see the podiatrist was worth it this time around. I met dr. A and he said since I was going through IF treatments, he did not want to surgically remove it again. He was so kind to say that if he does get to the point of needing to remove it then he would do it in the operating theater at the hospital and not in the office like the last quack doc did and I would need crutches this time unlike the other quack doc did not suggest.

BUT BUT BUT....he told me he could use a new oral treatment for this and it might take a month or two to work, this drug is showing promising advancement in the treatments of Planters warts without surgery. He told me to check with the RE and confirm that taking an oral ACID REFLUX medication was ok. So he gave me the name and sent me on the way to talk to the RE doc first then I was to call him that next week and get the RX if it was approved to take while TTC with IVF. RE doc said SURE! So I called and was dispensed an RX for Cimetidine (Generix for Tagament). Can you believe it? Yup. It is an RX prescription, unlike the over the counter dose. I am on An Acid Reflux medication once a day for at least a month and it is actually shrinking this nasty multi-headed Planters Wart on my foot. I can't get a good enough picture to show you the difference, but believe me, I am thrilled this is working.

I am going to have to try a second month of Cimetidine, but that is ok. It is killing 2 birds with 1 stone.. Acid reflux a.k.a. GERD and planters warts. YEAH.. The Foot doc did say it might take a few months to get this gone and I sure hope he is right. I fear the surgery to remove them if this RX doesn't help.

GO AWAY WART GO.

Sorry


edited.... I just a fellow blogger that needs this help too. Oh.. another lady posted to The Naked Ovary to tell her she used clear fingernail polish and her wart went away too. WOW.. If this RX does not help I might try that. LOL Also, the Podiatrist mentioned the old wivestale of Duct Tape.. YUP! It does work for some. LOL for some reason my linking is not working but here is her site.

so after 2 jumps

car battery jumps that is.... I had to finally have my car towed to the dealer we bought it from. When I got my first jump, I left for work and then got on the highway ..... the car totally died 2 times.. no power, digital radio screen dead, odometer dead... etc.. POWER STEERING DEAD.. OMG.. my heart about jumped out of my body when that happened. Of course I stayed in the slow lane most of the way to work. I got to work and turned the car off and it would not start again. I had to go into work and make my self known to be there then I had to call service again and have it jumped again to see if it was the battery or not.... well, after he jumped me again and he left, it died and would not start again... battery cables were tightened by him at my work parking lot, but it still would not start up.. battery light was on on the good marker so it was a mystery why this was happening. I quickly called the service and he came back to flatbed my car and tow it to the dealer. After numerous calls to the house, because the service people are too stupid to call the # I just gave them(work) .... they called my house at 3:45 and said the car was ready.. by then I had to ask them to fix my breaks too. LOL well it was ready and all covered under warranty. YEAH.. Back break pads replaced (front were done 2 months ago) and they machined the roters too. Plus a brand-spankin'-new battery. So it runs like a champ. YEAH.. Heck, it should for a 1.8 year old car.... not 18 year old car, but just over a year and a half old.

(edit here.. OMG who the hell let me ramble on in a longass sentence like that? bah)

I am glad I got my car back b4 the weekend ... hehe I hate being a 1 car couple.



Ok, AF is nearly gone... BCP's are ok. I am tired, but eyes wide open.. that equals INSOMNIA. Looks like a call into the GP this week to discuss me taking some ambien or that new replacement sleep aide that will not make me a habit formin' insomniac who is ttc.

Tomorrow is a clean the house day and then a Six Feet Under marathon. I tivo'd the last 1/2 of the season over the last few months and saved them for a day to watch all at once. SO DON'T GO SPOILING IT FOR ME!

it is 8:26 am and this is my morning so far...

dh was not awake yet(6:30 am).. but reason being was that he has to go give a SA today so that threw my morning routine off.

Then I get ready to leave the house and set off the house alarm. LOL oops. Cancelled that so the cops would not show then .......poor doggies don't like that sound of the house alarm.

I got into my car outside and NOTHING... not even a click of the ignition. DEAD.

Hmmmm

I sit and wait here for A A A to show. pretty cool I get the VIP treatment since I am an employee

What an OFF mornging already.

GOod news is that AF is nearly gone... yeah.

Ok, off to go look for the battery service tow truck.

Happy Friday everyone.


I think I might have to do happy hour with a HUGE margarita tonight.

beading.

I am getting into the act of beading again. I will share with you the braclets I make this weekend... but you have to wait. hehe.

I went to the craft fair in St. Charles this past weekend and had a blast stopping at all the booths of beading jewelers. I picked up their business cards so I could have a peek at their web sites. Drab that is.. If you want to market your product, then get a good web page!

I am so glad I am taking programming classes so I can be serious about going into web page design one day in the future.

Sure, I said my dream was to become a nurse, but that would mean me quitting my day job and going to school full time and I know that will only happen when I do win the lottery.

Command Central said we are all clear for take off.

I got there this AM and nobody was waiting, I like that. I was called back a short time after that by Peggy and told her I was still sleepy and I am sure this Fluid ultrasound was going to wake me up. She directed me to the exam room, sitting in my nice sheik white drape on the exam table, Dr. Ahlering walked in and of course as always has a wonderful smile on his face. He said, "are you ready to get the show on the road?" I said, "Of course, let us start rolling forward". I like that great attitude he has and it rubs off on me.

The Fluid was injected into the uterus and then it began.....Cramping as expected. I took several deep breaths and Dr. A asked me if I was cramping up. Yup, but I was prepped for it. It came as no surprise. The screen filled up with the rushing fluid in the ute. I turned to look at the screen again and saw those nasty ugly blood clots I was yet to expell in the AF I am having. I am cycle day 6 and usually bleed as long as 8 days so I expected to have lots of residual bleeding from this and boy was I right.

Dr. A finished up the procedure and turned on the lights. Peggy left to work on my chart. Dr. A said we are clear for take off and asked again if I was on the October calendar schedule. I replied with a very happy YES! I then asked what his expectations were for my protocol. He was leaning towards Follistim and repronex with lupron. Ok with me.... Just brace me when I am on lupron for the migraines. LOL He then said I should hear from the cycle coordinator in the next few weeks and we are then all set for the October calendar. Hey, have I told you that I really like this doc? Well I do. I really like this attitude. He is not filling me up with false hopes. Heck, he even said my uterine cavity is in such great shape that we could fit twins or even 3 in there... I put a halt to that subject and said we are shooting for a singleton pgcy after our losses of twins. He agreed!

He left and I then spoke with Peggy to get things set for what my next step is. I am to expect a call from the cycle coordinator for my next steps. I am on week 1 of BCP's and they would most likely call me on week 3. She did hand me an extra pack of bcp's to carry me over another month because I will be on them into October before we start lupron.

This is getting exciting. I am excited to view the sample calendar for October too. She was kind enough to give me a copy of one and she did stress it might be tweaked a little, but in general I should expect to do retrieval the week of October 24th, actually later that week.

My AF really kicked in as I was walking out and I had to stop and take care of that. Thank goodness I was wearting protection so I did not mess all over myself. LOL I hate that. The RE's offices seem to give you this little 2 inch panty liner and they think that will catch the after flow of the fluid coming out.. NOT. LOL I was ready for the on-slaught.

Today is a good day. Today is a day to help me get into that mental mindset for prep to the cycle. I am back to losing weight, I am back to trying to get more sleep, I am back to keeping my schedule on track.

Ok, off to take my bcp! Happy Pill down the hatch.

Good Day to you.

a floating we will go a floating we will go

for the fluid US that is. I hope the results are clear... nothing wrong with this here ute so I can proceed with the prep to the fresh IVF cycle in October.

October 24th week is only 2 MONTHS away. YEAH.

The pain from the fluid ultrasound is semi-painful, but I take tylenol before and the pain usually only lasts about 20 minutes... Think of the worst AF craps you can get (mine are pretty nasty bad) and take that for 20 mins. It is funny because I know what I am looking at on the screen. I hope it is good news.

Oh, who the Hell told me to book this Fluid Ultrasound at 8:30 am on my day off? LOL At least I get it over with early and I can then go play for the day.

I am then off to go return some books for cash refund to the book exchange at the local Community College. I have yet to sign up for my HTML class but I expect to do that with the funds that are returned to me from the book buy back program. My class is a 1 credit hour and does not start until Nov 2005. 5 week class so I hope the homework is not too bad. Maybe this will help me be able to design my own web site off of here. hmmmmm

Thankful.....

Thankful I am ....

I am thankful I am in a wonderful marriage, sure we have had our off times, but IF has brought us closer together.

I am thankful my puppies love me no matter what. even if I scold them, they come nudge me to love them 5 minutes later.

I am thankful I have access to the internet. ALL the IF blogs are life savers.

I am Thankful for CHOCOLATE while I am PMS'n and on my AF.

I am thankful that I have such a wonderful support group system in St. Louis. Resolve, Dr. Jan DeMasters, doctors, friends, family.

I am thankful we have a roof over our heads.

I am thankful the weather is not too far from being near the low 80's again. YEAH. Come on Fall.

officially on my way....

Today is cd 3 and I am on day 1 of my bcp's in prep to my IVF cycle in October.

I am ready to get into this. I have been keeping a hopeful mind and working on dropping some unwanted lbs. I gained from the FET / Chemical Pregnancy cycle. I lost 7 lbs since the 8th of August. I have been low carbing and eating high proteins and foods containing folic acids. I looked into some yoga classes and might do a beginners class if it does start soon at www.yogastlouis.us 8 session beginners for 108.00, is that steep in price or ok? I love yoga and I get a great workout from it since I am not in the best of shape and mega skinny. LOL

Today was a good day. DH's side of the immediate family went to the St. Louis Cardinals baseball game and sat in the very top row of the stadium. Thank goodness it was in the shade up to the 8th inning. The Cards fell short of winning, but it was fun. Nice to be out with all of them including the MIL.

Speaking of MIL's... do you get along with your MIL?

Wednesday is a day of vacation so I can go in and have my saline sonogram or fluid ultrasound as some call it. This will determine if I am ready to fully moving forward to this October 24th week of the IVF cycle.

I hope you are all doing well in the winddown of the summer days.

Camping in 2 weeks for DH's family reunion at Babler State Park. FUN.

Prayers needed please for a friend(cancer ment)

A friend (I will call her N for now, I will post her name later when I know she is ok with it) from the local Resolve group who graduated from fertility treatments and has a 4 year old daughter and twin 2 yr olds..... was just diagnosed in the last few weeks with breast cancer. She is 37. I am shocked for her and her family, but this has got to be so hard on her and her family moreso.

I am asking for you to send out prayers for her and her family. After such a hard struggle to finally have a family after infertility treatment, she has to now go through and beat cancer !

I will post a link to her site as soon as it is up and running.

Can I ask you to light a candle for strength for her and her family in this time of need? Can you offer a prayer? Can you offer a positive thought for her? Something of any sorts is welcomed. I do believe in the power of positive thinking and prayer if you are the praying type.

I wonder what one person must go through in life and by gosh, this is something you would never wish upon anyone. My father died at a very young age of 49 in 1995 from Lung, Liver and bone cancer so I know the ramifications of cancer, but I hope and pray that our friend N's breast cancer is beatable. I offer my time to her to come over and help with the kids, the house, anything! The local mom's club has helped keep them filled to the brim in the freezer with meals for the next few months so I was thinking of pitching in with some friends that mutually know her and buy her a gift certificate to the local cleaning company to help come in and clean.... her house is HUGE compared to mine so I am sure the help would be appreciated.

Lord above, hear our prayers and positive thoughts and pass them onto N and her family.

tears

I like her, I like her not

AF that is.... She is a welcome sight today, well not really, but you all know we need her today to start bcp's this weekend as scheduled. Today is CD1 so I start bcp's on Sunday and then go in Wednesday AM for a Saline Sonogram. Then I am to get my calendar set up for the fresh IVF cycle. Thanks! Things are moving forward and in a positive way. Now if we can just keep my body in a cooperating mood we will be set then.

I went to the Pain Management Center here in town today. I received the first visit free...Evaluation for my back and neck pain. No xrays .. maybe next time, but that key word is NEXT TIME... Is it worth it? I got a deep tissue massage and then electrolysis on my back and man I can tell you I so miss this therapy like this. Back in 1989 I was broad-sided in my car by an idiot that ran a stop sign at Compton and Shenandoah streets. That put me in a bad way with my back. 11 pinched nerves and major whiplash. I went to the chiro for 3 years and had to quit due to no more coverages by insurance and no settlement yet on the accident. The idiot that hit me was uninsured! BOZO. Soooooo, I am not in a good way with insurance again because they require a deductible of 500.00... well really it is 1250.00 from my wonderful (NOT) insurance company, but I can work something out for payments on the 500(the chiro office eats the different between that!). I can then go for xrays and major adjustments and more massages and electrotherapy!!! Those pads on the back that stimulate you are just wonderful. ahhhhhhh

Ok, I am off to go veg on the couch as AF is being very mean with the cramps again. Must be the Endometriosis growing again. JOY.

Oh.. tomorrow I will promise to post more about the fellow friend that went through IF and now has breast cancer.


Blessings. Stop today and look around you and appreciate all that you have... Mind, Body, Soul, Health, family, friends, etc.... Sometimes we forget to stop and smell the goodness in these things. Simplicity is key to our survival... not materialistic things.

Peer Chat session....

Ahhhh, I so like our local peer support group in town. WOW. Thanks Amy! It is such a great place to be able to just let it out ... our feelings for the week about IF, family, friends, work, etc...

What would I have done without support in town to help get through this IF?? I WOULD BE INSANE. DH would have had to take me to the local State Hospital! (which btw is not very far from my house!)

There is another support group in town this weekend, but it is professionally led by a therapist. It is also a great place for IF support. If you want details, please post in the comment section and I will give details.

I meet so many neat people and have been able to gain such great friendships through it all too. Since IF takes our so called Friends away from us (well, we really learn who our true friends are in the outside of IF world!) it is hard to gain new friendships when many of the outside world don't get IF. We tend to draw ourselves back from public situations when going through IF.


Ok, stopping the rambling. I will be posting an important post tomorrow... it is about someone that went through IF and had 3 kids, but is now suffering from Cancer. I will focus on that tomorrow. I have shed many tears today in silence at my desk and will continue to do so until she is cured!

Blessings to us all.

until then....

Go ahead and Tatoo "Baby" on me

Let first start by saying I hate SPAM mail ... HATE it with a passion, but sometimes I get caught up in just reading the subject title to find out what june list I have been added to.(no, I don't open them!!! )

NOW I am getting.... ANYTHING Baby related.

B... Win free diapers for 5 years
B.... enter the Diaper award contest today
B......Let us help you name your baby
B.......Do you need a stroller for your baby
B........Do you want to win formula for a year
B.........

How about B..... YOU WILL GET PREGNANT WITH THIS NEXT CYCLE AND WILL CARRY TO TERM!! I need that kinda baby stuff first. HELLO?! I have to have a baby to use those FREE diapers for 5 years, I have to have a baby to let you HELP me name my baby! bahahahahahaha.... WTF?

newest discovery.... links for other blogs/sites

I finally, after hours of research and trying my fingers at programming, have figured out how to incorporate links on this blog to other blogs and other sites. Yeah..... scroll down below "archives".

YEAH.

HTML class here I come. I signed up for class for November for some programming. YEAH.

DH has this ability to attract

A trip to wallyworld (wallmarttttt) today brought a new recognition to me today. DH was walking through the pet supply isle and said to me , "hey, look at that cutie" .. I tured and saw a little 1-1.2 yr old in a cart seat with her mom and dad.... she was just smiling at DH. She was batting her eyes at him. He said she was the cutest little girl. Of African American decent and had the most beautiful curls up in pig-tails. She was smiling at us and even waved at DH.

This confirms my thoughts on DH's ability to be a wonderful father in the near future. He had this knack of being a teacher of sorts and I think that will enrich his experience in the future of being a daddy when we finally have our baby in arms.

DH is able to see the pain of the IF, but yet has this great attitude that infects me too and makes me smile at little toddlers/infants/kids like that now. Sure, some days are hard, but moreso I am able to smile at the sight of precious miracles.

Today was a good DH and I day that we spent at Wallyworld, Target(say it with the accent of Tarje) and then Big lOts.... Oh and Walgreens. It was a good day, but we spent lots of moohlah .. yikes.

Ok, Day ?? of provera and spot has gone away and I am feeling ok. Opps, be back later... I forgot to get something at Walgreens..

Have a wonderful afternoon.

I swear we should patition the gov for a 4 day work week and 3 day weekend. hehe

day one of Provera since AF can't seem to find me

when I need her. LOL

is nowhere in sight so I called the office and talked to my new cycle coordinators voice mail. She called me back in about 5 minutes. She told me to pick up my script of provera tonight and start them asap. 2 pills a day for 5 days and then AF should show in 3-5 days after that. I am to then call them with CD 1 for what I don't know, but then to start bcp's this next cycle to keep me on track for the cycle groups for October. YEAH.

Remind me, what is provara like? I use to take it and it was for 10 days one pill a day and that was bad enough... made me a biotch and bloated... what will happen with taking it 2pills a day for 5 days? Will the symptoms be even worse even quicker in time? LOL

tick tock tick tock... waiting is the name of the game

75 days and counting... can you figure out what I am counting down to?

it is on this page!!!

Well, did you figure out what the countdown is for?

GO CARDINALS (not related to my countdown, but rooting them on to a great rest of the year and PLAYOFFS too)

when my SIL calls for no reason you know what comes next..... (pg ment)

well at first it was no reason

yup... she called me out of the blue! Just to chat. Well, they do owe me money for babysitting but she did not even mention that. So about 10 minutes into our converstation, she said to me "Well we have some news to share" ..... Yup, you guessed it, they are pregnant with #3 due in March 2006. SIL and my Bro tried 13 years for my nephew... had him after many rounds of surgeries and naturally trying,.... then they went on to have an OOPS pgcy with my niece who is now 2 years old(newphew just tured 4). So they will have 3 under the age of 6.

DH was not home at the time of the call so when he walked in I shared the news with him. He kinda took it as a stab. OUCH. We have been trying now for 6.5 years and no luck carrying to term( I do not wish to go 13 years for ttc#1!!!). I do wish them luck as does DH, but man, can we have a turn at having the next new baby in the family after she has this one?! Really!

I instantly got the gut feeling that now my sister and bil will be next with pgcy .. I just found out last month that they are using clomid to ttc again.. Her 4th child their 2nd child if it happens. They are on vacation now and I bet .. just bet she will come back and have news to share with us in the next 2-4 months too. If not, mark my words wrong then.

I really am happy for them, but again it is the question of "WHEN IS IT OUR TURN?" I know, many have told me that it will happen when the Lord is ready for it to happen for us, UGH.... @@@@@@ those are my eyes rolling!

Ok, off the pity party.... I don't want Pity.. JUST AS MUCH LUCK AS YOU ALL CAN SEND OUR WAY. DH deserves to be a daddy, he will be a great dad soon. HOPEFULLY sooner than later!

Wow, just realized I am only 2 months and 16 days away from Retrieval week! WOW. Ok, need to get my butt in gear. higher protein and less carbs and some yoga again to boot.

Thanks for listening. Some of you out there might not understand my post, but some might. Thanks, no matter what!

we kept our mouths shut. Clueless people and IVF...

August 6, 2005. DH and I are camping with a group a people we met through camping(fun story, but for later days). We all decided, after lunch yesterday, to pack up the river chair and coolers and head down to the rock beach down at Meramec State Park camp grounds. It was a wonderfully summer afternoon after some drizzle and thunder rolling around us in the AM. There were about 6 kids ranging from the age of 1.5 to 14 or so, they were off playing and having fun in the rocks and catching minnows. The adults, about 12 of us, were all sitting in our chairs in the water watching the drunks floating down the river. After about 1 hour, the conversation turned to a subject that made DH and I face each other and raise our eyebrows and just grit our teeth and zipped our lips to NOT say anything. Mind you the fellow camper adults know nothing about our IF history. The started talking about people and how irresponsible they are when they go and use fertility treatments to have babies. Then they got on the subject of "OMG, I would never do that to have a baby and ESPECIALLY 3 or 5 babies". Again, DH and I kept ourselves hidden under our sunglasses and kinda acted like we did not care about the conversation. We did not even say a word. Luckily the subject changed in about 10 minutes time. Something distracted their conversation and they went off on another tangent.

DH and I got in the car to hop back over to the campsite and we just shook our heads at each other and both said "THEY JUST DON'T GET IT". Meaning, little did they know that they were in the company of two people that have no choice but to use IVF to try and have a child. TUBELESS in St. Louis is my title and that means I lost my tubes to 2 different ectopics! BUT we both understood that if they had all known our IF history they might not have even dove into that conversation. If they had known of our history, then you sure bet I would have been in the water splashing them a whole new view!

Our lives are filled with people that either know ALL our history if IF or NONE at all. I told DH that if the question "Why don't you all have kids yet?" comes up then I will open up and let them know what we are going through to become parents. ALl of them had kids. The one lady even has a sister that has been a surrogate for some other couple. Man, I wish I could afford that. Surrogacy is a very likely way we could have a child or two, but we cannot AFFORD the costs of a gestational surrogate. Meaning we can't afford the fees associated with a surrogate that we don't know. 30,000 is a common dollar figure for just their fee. Then I have to pay for IVF to retrieve my own eggs... another 10,000-12,000 dollars. Yup, I joke you not.

Anyway, I am back to the real working world tomorrow. I am almost done with Harry Potter then I will pick up my Three Junes book and read it for the local book club that we started with fellow friends that went through and are going through IF. It is a fun distraction.

ok, I will try and post a picture tomorrow of what my puppy (8 mos old) "Sadie" did to my house on Thursday day! OMG.. she is in the DOGHOUSE.

until tomorrow.

visitors near and Far..............

85 United States United States
1 Ireland Ireland
1 Canada Canada
1 Saudi Arabia Saudi Arabia
1 Australia Australia

those are the hits from the countries that lurkers visted from today on my blog (last 24 hours)

I would be so lost without my (IF) Friends that understand me

You, you know who you are. Your are my friends that went and are going through infertility and just "GET IT". I am so thankful for you!

You out there lurking, you out there reading this and understanding the very moments in life going through IF that can lead any normal person to insanity, you understand that that friendship makes us remain on the edge of SANITY. Sometimes precariously on the cliff edge, but somehow we can find that support within each other to keep from falling and falling hard 99 % of the time.

The support groups in this town are wonderful. Resolve St. Louis and Dr. Jan DeMasters are two wonderful support groups in town. If you need any help with finding one or more of either support groups, post here an leave your email address, I will then email you the info you wish for.

One-on-one meet up. These are also a life saver. Thanks Kelly! Dinner tonight was wonderful. Sorry my cousin kept interrupting. LOL

My Husband is a great support also. Over the last few years he has become a compasionate listener. He is also thankful for my support groups I can attend too. The one from Dr. Jan is open to couples and he has gone a few times. Also the Resolve group that meets for ConverSation and cookies is also open to couples. YEAH.

It helps to have my DH on the same page as I. I would be lost if not. He gets IF and the pain it causes, although sometimes I have to read it from his moods, actions, etc... but he is wonderful. Sometimes in the support groups I offer him to others that might not have that some support and compasion from their DH's. I feel for you if you are in that situation.

I can't go to either support group this week, but Thank goodness most of the meetings are spread throughout the month so I can make at least one or two.

THANK YOU. Sometimes words don't cut it, but I am sure you understand.

THANKS for being here, listening, advice, etc..

Thinking that I am not on the "IN" of the crowd

Not the norm, not the one that likes to blogityblogblog my thoughts. I can think them, but never seem to be able to type these thoughts down here. Let me try this. I need a question of the day. I will try that for a few weeks. I need to reveal one new thing about myself that you all would not know. Hmmm, can think of a few good fun things, otherwise I consider myself a boring blah blah chicklet.

Ok, here goes:

My question of the day for you is....... DO YOU EVER like to have your husband, sig. other, partner leave for a day or two? You know, leave you alone in the house for at least a 24 hour or longer stint? You answer and then I will reply with my answer in the comments!!!!!!!! (i bet you can guess my answer already!)

My one thing today I will reveal to you is...... I fart! In front of DH too! OMG.. I bet you are saying ewwww, sure, think that, but I grew up in a house that it was absolutely normal as breathing to fart at any one moment in your day. My dad would wake up at night and go pee. He would stand and pee and fart at the same damn time, how fucking crazy is that? ewwwww! Hey, my dogs even fart in front of me! It is a natural thing.
OK, now time for you to reveal your ONE thing you want to tell us.

Ok, there are 2 questions / statements you need to put in comment here, I look forward to reading your comments.

I know you are out there so delurk and comment, please? Do I have to beg you? Oh please!

YIPPPEEEE, I have a DATE, I have a DATE.

Yesterday, I called the SIRM office in St. Louis to find out about getting meds for DH for a cheaper price for the Bravelle shots he has to do for low testosterone/lh. While talking to MK at the office, she told me I can go ahead and book my IVF date. YEAH.

I asked her when I should expect AF since I had already calculated 28 days of my cycle and she said that with the chemical pregnancy this past cycle I should expect it to be another week or even 2 longer. Oh Joy. not. I then asked her might she know when I can cycle again and she transferred me to the booking desk! WOW. I was surprised. She told me to ask for the October cycle. Well, with this INCIID the HEART program they said I would have to wait until early 2006 to cycle. I was shocked. I told her that Dr. Ahlering and the ITH program director told me I can cycle this fall. She told me she needed to call me back and she did in like 5 minutes. I am all set up for the October 24th retrieval week st SIRM for a fresh IVF cycle. YEAH.

WOW. Good news.

Ok, off to shower, shop for a side dish for my friends party today and then go play in a washers tournament. If you are not familiar with washers game then click this "washers game". Not sure if this is a St. Louis tradition game or not, kinda like Toasted ravilois are from St. Louis.


Happy Weekend to everyone.

I can't wait to have a baby! Yard sales abundant today with baby stuff

I go to yard sales, have been doing this since I was a kid with my mom. I don't buy junk. I don't buy things I can't use and I don't buy baby stuff YET. YET ... did you hear that out loud? YET.

OMG.. There were tons of baby clothes and baby strollers, car seats, cute room decor(I mean whole sets of stuff like book shelves with ends, lamps, bedding, wall hangings).

I can't wait until I can go buy things like this at sales. I check them out all the time and almost bought a NEW PACKAGED sealed pair of baby shoes, but i refrained.

I use to go to the resale shops with my sister and I could not do that after our miscarriage of twins back in 2002. I am now really serious about wanting to start a small bag of baby items I can find at a reasonable price at sales. You would not believe the amounts of baby clothes I find that are BRAND NEW with tags at sales for 50cents, a buck, 2 bucks... etc..BRAND NAMES too!

Ok, I will one day be able to do this. Hopefully soon. I will have a huge smile on the day I can go to a sale and really buy up a HUGE amount of things with just 20 bucks. My sis is the queen at doing this and has many tips.

Sure... I want new store bought things, but sometimes there is just that bargain at the yard sales that I so don't want to pass up but some force keeps my hands from laying on that item and scooping it up yet... AGAIN.. YET.

See, there is this block I have inside me that keeps me from buying things like this at sales. I think it is mentally a challenge to get past that fear that I will miscarry again, I will never be a mom of a newborn, etc.. A feeling I would love to shake so I could take that 20 bucks and buy a car trunk full of special things for our baby we have one day soon.

I will be able to do it one day.

I have HOpe.

AF must be on her way....

AF = Aunt Flow= Cycle Day 1..... I am SOOOOOO having major PMS problems today... Just ask my DEAR HUSBAND(dh). He must know because he keeps egging me on for an argument. Bahahaha

Today is either cd 22 or cd20. Not sure due to spot. so if I have a normal 25 day cycle then I should get AF this Sunday. Then we can get the ball rolling for our consult soon for a follow up to the chemical pregnancy and then setting up the new IVF cycle.

YEAH.


GO CARDINALS!

bearable or unbearable? baby ment

co-worker is new grandma and is busy showing off her new granddaughter. I sit RIGHT next to her. Can't avoid it. She just returned from her 2 days off with being with new mom and the baby. I am happy for them, really, but this is so close to DH and I recovering from this chemical pregnancy that I just can't be 100% happy for them without feeling a tenge of sadness for DH and I! Know what I mean?

I will be seeing many many many baby pictures over the next few weeks and the mom works here also so it is unavoidable. I hate being bitter, I hate it.

I am praying hard that this next IVF and LAST IVF cycle will bring us our miracle baby in arms living in a year or so!

Just heartbroken over having so many angels and no baby in arms yet.

Sorry to vent, but I have to get it out.

Infertility work up procedures I have done or things found wrong.

HSG (aka hysterosalpingogram(sp?)) the dye test done in radiology to check the uterin cavity shape and to check the dynamics of your fallopian tubes, such as the ability to SPILL the dye fluid into the abdomen.

CCCT(citrus Clomaphine Challenge Test)

Hysteroscopy: inciid describes this best: If a uterine abnormality is suspected after the HSG, your doctor may opt for this procedure, performed with a thin telescope mounted with a fiber optic light, called a hysteroscope. The hysteroscope is inserted through the cervix into the uterus and enables the doctor to see any uterine abnormalities or growths. "Photos" are taken for future reference. This procedure usually is performed in the early half of a woman's cycle so that the build-up of the endometrium does not obscure the doctor's view. However, if the doctor is planning to do an endometrial biopsy at the same time, it is done near the end of the cycle.

laporoscopy: inciid again explains:
A narrow fiber optic telescope is inserted through a woman's abdomen to look at the uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries and to discern endometriosis or pelvic adhesions, and is the best diagnostic tool for evaluating the ovaries. This test us usually done two or three days before menstruation is expected, and only after an HCG beta blood test ensures the woman is not pregnant.


blood work: everything you can think of ... even STD's, etc... yikes, but thankfully the one bad things that came back Postitive in all this is a blood clotting disorder called MTHFR.


MTHFR: heterozygous, inherited from my maternal grandmother. My Aunt, Uncle have it as well as my gram had it, but my mom did not test positive for it,but she passed the gene down to me. This is the less serious mutation of MTHFR, but I have already proven that I am proned to blood clots. Frist and hopefully last blood clot was Feb. 2004. Right leg behind knee.

Diabetic: I am Type II, but controlled by diet and monitoring. I should exercise more too! My first sign that I was diabetic was being thirsty all the time. Diabetes can cause multiple problems, Infertility, Overweight, tired, etc... google it if you need.

PCOS: Gosh, this is such a complicated disease in women.... let me link you to a place you can read about it. What is so frustrating is that it is not curable nor do they know what causes it. I did not do this to myself..... Ugh.


Uterine Septum: #1, I was born with this so it is something I could not ever predict would cause so much of my Infertility woes. You know what, this seems to be my main cause of miscarriages.... The septum has been removed and grown back, but removed again... etc... I have miscarried and pathology shows the fetus was normal, but we keep having problems with pregnancy loss due to this.


if you have any questions about any of them please post a comment and I will reply. Google will help with research.

DH's turn for shots now.

in prep to the Fresh IVF cycle... DH needs to take bravelle shots for his low testosterone levels. LOL

He has the protocol and we start giving them to him this weekend. YEAH.. I get to poke him with shots again instead of it being me right now.

I hope this will help the issues with needing to do ICSI.. maybe if the sperm become stronger through these shots then we can avoid ICSI?

hmmm

I can't wait to start my next cycle in a few weeks.. then I can call for the consult and get things rolling to set up our Fresh IVF date this fall. YEAH.

off to bed so I can head to the yard sales tomorrow b4 I go in for the IF support group here in town.

death of Fr. Lawrance Walsh

Fr. Larry Walsh was the pastor of my grade school parish St. Margaret Of Scotland grade school in South City(Catholic) when I was a young south Side City kid growing up... he was there from when I was about 9 years old until I was about 13. Amazing man he was. He really had a down to earth quality about him. He took our youth group to St. Louis Steamers games at the Old Arena on Oakland ave often. He was the priest for the team and would go down and do a prayer with them b4 each home game then he would come back to our seats and have a good time with us cheering them on to victory.

The rectory was only 9 houses down the street from my house so it was often that I got to see him driving up the street while myself and several other neighbors and classmates were playing Tag or Red Light Green Light out in front of our houses. One time he even came up and played a round of Step Ball with us. Amazing man.

he instilled faith in me back then, which I have lost these days, but I do have fond Catholic memories of him thoughout my grade school years and into high school too as I saw him a few times after he became pastor of a local High school parish too.

He will be missed.

my summer addiction

this place is addicting... THis is the new 2005 season for their WEB CAM for orca viewing. I love it. I am addicted and have been since the first months of 2004 season too. I sit at my pc now and have my headphones plugged in.. but there are no orca sounds or even camera views of them right now.. just kelp, sea animities(sp?) and fishes under water views. Sunday night we got to see severl "blows" (orcas breath above water) and a sea lion or maybe it was a sea otter. Saw several small fish jumping or dolphins. Pretty cool. In IE browser, go to the live web casts. If you have broadband/dsl... it is a great shot. If you use dialup, good luck with the 56k. I love the live chat room too. I have met people from all around the world that are orca lovers. I have a new addiction and it continues.

try them out and let me know what you think.


p.s. I will give a great update tomorrow on the IVF stuff.

Today is a good day.

so good in fact that camping is in order! DH left yesterday with the camper and headed to the State Park. I am heading out in a few with the furdoggies and joining him. YEAH.

AF is light and not so mean, YEAH.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

SUN and FUN.

I swear I love my new Doc/RE.

The man knows exactly what to say. I swear to you. He walks into the US room(yes, he does all the US's himself) and immediately shakes my hand and says "I am so sorry this cycle did not turn out the way we all wanted it to" Meaning to stay prenant! He melted my heart and I really had to hold the tears back. He knows the pain and suffering of a loss. He has the right words to say. The right touch on the shoulder to comfort us through this all.

He did the US exam and it showed a blood clot in the uterus about 6-8 mm large. He offered to me to write antoher rx for pain meds meaning percocet instead of darvocet.. but I passed on it. I am ok today.. still bleeding and clotting, but it is much less today then yesterday.

He told me that we can have one more AF then plan on a fresh ivf cycle. WOW. I loved hearing that.

I feel much better emotionally today. I cried so hard in the lobby yesterday,but today, I overheard good news from 2 ladies walking out of there! YEAH.. I like hearing that. REally I do. They both graduated from this RE to their OB.. meaning they are past the "worry" part of the first steps in pregnancy. See, that gives me hope that I can get pg then too.

Now to get my body back in shape and lose these lbs from this past cycle.

AF should be gone in about 3 days or so then I am good to move forward.

Thanks so much for all the prayers and good wishes. We are making it through this and will move forward no matter the path we take. I hope to try IVF one more time then we will move on if that does not work.


Bless us all.

bec

darvocet and sleep Rx'd to me

bleeding has not let up, but the doc confirmed by blood work that the beta / hcg level is a zero .. which is good, but now we need to find the source of this bleeding. I go in Wednesday for an US scan and hopefully he will get a grasp on what is happening.

I felt bad today.. I broke down in the lobby of the doc's office and just sobbed. After 3 days of this bleeding crap, I am spent. Tired, have a massive headache. I did ask them to take my blood pressure, but they did not. I will insist they do that tomorrow. I hope they can tell me why I keep getting these headaches now too. Fun.

I feel like a big ole ball of complaints.. but legit complaints at that.

DH told me today he is worried about my well being. He is worried that we need to just stop the ttc crap and let me have a hysterectomy. FRICK. today was not a day I needed to hear that from him, but I know he means it in a thoughtful way.

Ok, off to eat dinner(late) and then take my darvocet and go sleep for a few hours.


Thanks for reading if you have!

heading out the door to the ER or the doc's office

waiting for Dr. Ahlering's office to call me back. I have been bleeding heavily for the last 38 or so hours from this miscarriage/chemical pregnancy. I am passing clots the size of 1/2 dollars and cramping so bad, now a nasty headache to boot. I called this to happend but I swear I did not wish it upon myself. I hate this. My body just can't handle the let down from any type of + pregnancy no matter the outcome.

I paged the nurse on call Sunday evening. Told her I was bleeding heavily and that I was passing clots. She had me get in bed and stay there with lots of hydration so I did. I then went through all day Sunday the same way.... no let up on the system letting this mc happen. Now today after almost 38 hours, I am spent, exhausted, mentally in a bad way. Emotionally TORN up.

I paged the nurse again this AM after the symptoms got worse yet again. She called back and said she was on the way into the office and she would call me after she speaks with Dr. Ahlering himself. I wonder if he will have me come in there for an exam or have me call my ob/gyn and have them admit me to the hosptial for possible surgery / d&c?!

Waiting is the hardest part. Headaches and clots are a close second on the hardest to deal with.

until later, until I know what is happening... I will sign off for now.

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