dog tired

I went to bed at 3 am and got up at 6:20 am. What is wrong with that time frame? this is the AM of my Transfer and I am NOT needing to be sleep deprived.. Ok, let the doggies out and then off to bed again.

Oh, I need to find a good nail polish to spiffy up these toes.

signs signs everywhere there are signs...PART TRES

What a beautiful lightning display tonight in the freaky St. Louis Sky... Welll the sign that I got out of this storm....... At 8:10 pm, the sun made its way out of the western sky... not visible itself, but the beautiful overcast of orange and lightning flashing in the eastern sky... I looked up to the East and there it was... a beautiful Rainbow. DH even saw it.

Rainbows... what a spectacular sight.

Wishing upon that pot of gold at the end to be our pot of gold of a baby.

WOW... Thanks for such a wonderful view tonight.

my choice.... 10:30 am or 1pm

Well, I got a phone call on my Cell today from M at Dr. Ahlerings office.. WOW... They said I could come in Friday for our FET transfer at 10:30 AM... well, I was so surprised and said "So Early?,Dr. A said it would be in the afternoon." she then said I could come in later if I wanted... I was shocked.. REally? "Well see", I told her, "DH needs to come and the later time would work out perfectly" WOOOHOOOOO

So we go in at 1 pm on Friday to pick up our precious babies.

How cool is that? I sure hope this uterine condo is ready for a resident for the next 8 -9 months.

ok, dinner is almost here, be back later to blog more.

ok back... Get this.. I have our transfer on Friday day... but DH and I got tickets to the Cardinals vs. Yanks game.. Frick. I can't go. Go figure.. DH is going to go still. I will be on bed rest so no worries. Oh well. I am sure I will be able to see one of the greatest teams / managers again one day. Well, maybe not Torre.

2 or 3, help us decide.....this is a poll for you to help us.

I can blog.. I can ramble.. but today I need to ask you a question..

I have 3 embies frozen... I need your input... If all 3 thaw in the lab on Friday, do I risk putting all 3 back in or do would you suggest to only put 2 back in?

I know, this is a loaded question.. but since I have a history of miscarriage of twins... it scares the shit out of me to even think about putting 3 back, but then the emotions run high knowing I don't want to leave one embie go and not transfer it back. See, we can't refreeze a thawed embie! UGH>

What would you do? Would you risk putting 3 back in if they all thaw? No matter what quality?

If you need more details... post a reply and I can add more to this.

DH and I are up in arms over how many to transfer. Those are our preicous embies.. I don't want to let one go to waste... know what I mean?

I pray that only 2 make the thaw.. Really, but what if all 3 make it? I know, it seems that I have already answered my own question, but I wanted to seek your thoughts.

Thanks in advance and Be honest. I can take the honesty.

I need you to help me test my blog...

can you please post a comment to this post today? I am having problems with Comments being visable to the readers.. I am getting them by email, but they are not posting to the Comment section of each post.. I have tried to update my settings, but still keep having problems.

Just post any simple comment to this .. Or tell me how you like this blog?! LOL

Thanks for helping me try and figure this bloggin' stuff out.

bec

put your left butt cheek in, take your left butt cheek out

kinda like that song... you put your right butt cheek in, you put your right butt cheek out... you put your left butt cheek in, you put your left butt cheek out....And you shake it all about.....

That would be because I am now on 1 cc of PIO (progesterone injection to prep for our FET transfer on Friday) and that was injected in the left butt cheek tonight by my wonderful shot giving DH. Then the 10,000 units of HCG went into my right butt cheek, again injected with the ut-most precision from my Dear DH. (dh=dear husband when he is being a good guy to me!) Then I stopped the Lupron so THANK GOODNESS I won't have LOOPY lupron headaches anymore.

I am set to go for transfer of our embies on Friday .. most likely in the afternoon..... DH might be able to make it, but I will still have to have my mom drive me there and back. pretty cool to think both might be there in the transfer room. hehe

I have a nice 10mm triple stripe lining today...YEAH... Oh.. have I told you lately that I LOVE my doc? Even DH was in the room today with me while I was having my US and he was impressed with his attitude and communication. What a difference from the previous RE... the US tech did all the US's and Dr. Pearlstone never did them unless they were for my saline sonograms or retrieval and transfers.

Oh... the fun things I did today..... I took my mom to bingo with a co-worker of mine in St. Paul MO(just west of O'Fallon MO) and my mom won 200.00 on pull tabs and then 5 minutes later I won 500... WOOOHOOOOO. Bead buying here I come on Ebay. YEAH. I did spend 100.00 on groceries on my way home tonight. LOL

Ok, for now I am off to read my book. Book club meeting tomorrow night. FUN

Mood: Happy
book: Desperate Housewives eating Bon Bon's.
music: ben folds in the car cd player.. (scored a few good cd's at a yard sale this past Saturday)

23 credits and many more to go....

I am what you call a LIFER for college. I did not go straight out of high school. I regret that TOTALLY. I swear to you I do. BUT... I make the best of it today and take a class or two each Spring and Fall semester at the local community college. I am in a frenzy to find the right 2 year associates degree to apply for...I am in the IT field in my job, but it consists of more admin side of things. I do very little programming and what I have learned has been all hands on. I am looking to sit down with an advisor b4 fall session begins and plotting out my path finally. I have 23 credit hours accumulated and that is nothing to sneeze at for my accomplishments. Heck, that means I have maybe another 40 to go instead of 60 or 65 credits for that 2 year associates. LOL Hey, laugh with me damnit, that was a funny... It means I am a LIFER for college. Get it? I also have to take the placement test for the college too since I got the advisors to write me past several IT classes I took without having to take the comprehensive math and english classes yet. Yikes.. Those classes are needing to be taken soon and I must finally give into my fear of flunking tests and go take the damn thing. (ok, get it now that when you read this blog, I NEVER ever claimed I could spell right!)

Sorry, I am rambling... I have hurdles in my life... 1 is INFERTILITY and the 2nd is TESTING for SChool subjects. Current gpa is 3.67 or something like that and I am proud of that!

So I posted about wanting to become a nurse one day, well I think for now that is a no go since my job, thankfully, pays for job related classes and books up to 80% as long as I get a C or above in each class or 50% if not job related, but business associates degree related. SOOO no, they won't help pay for nursing school. Dang.

Oh.. btw.. if anyone is interested.. CitiMtg is hiring out at 40 and K in O'Fallon...... St. Charles area..(you must apply on-line at their web page). They need reps to man the phones.. it is a temp to hire job... also, they have "IF" benefits if you are hired perm after 90 day... but my catch is ... they won't pay me enough.. ARHGGGHHHHHH. I can't take a cut in pay... Frick. if you need details, post here and I can email you back.

Ok, out to water the garden.. I have blooms on my tomatoes already. YEAH.

signs signs everywhere there are signs...PART DEUX......

I fed my bad habit and bought a nice shirt off of Ebay for work. Hang in there, this goes with the + signs of + thinking for our FET cycle....

I got my shirt in the mail today. this is the nice note I got from the seller of the item.....

"Thanks you for bidding and purchasing from us. I am very thankful to you and for what Ebay has done for me.

2 years ago, at age 37, I worked for a major insurance company. I had worked there for 17 years, and it was a very secure job, but not one that fulfilled me. So, I decided to leave.

On August 4, 2003, two months after I left my job, I found out I was expecting my first child.

It was the happiest day of my life.

And the scariest. How was I going to support us?

So, to create a nest egg for my new family, I decided to sell off everything on Ebay. I have never looked back. I'm hoping it's God's will that I can continue to earn a living for our baby girl.

There is nothing etter than being am mom. Except for being an "Ebay Mom".

Many Blessings to you,
SW

p.s. if you are not happy with your purchase, please email me right away, and I will do my best to resolve the situation. Thanks again.

Well, many women that go through IF would be offended by this note... Especially talking about a BABY! BUT me, no, I think in a toally different light when I am near or close to doing an infertility cycle.... I tend to try and absorb the positives out of this instead. Like it was meant to be that I bought from someone that had good fortune in creating a family so maybe that good fortune will be sprinkled upon DH and I. Or maybe she was sending along the good luck to us to now become pregnant too. Hmmmmm, Of course DH thinks I am completely nuts.

I dig for signs, but this was not an excavation attempt by me at all, it was a luck of the draw that this lady was able to connect with me and tell me she had good fortune and maybe now that will fall our way too?! bahahahahaha

Ok, my nutso self is going out to dinner with DH. Later.

All Alone? Just me and my embies? A Taxi Cab Ride?

Well, Dh tells me today that he thinks he won't be able to drive me to and from the FET transfer on the 10th. Well, that means I have a few choices...

First of all, of course I will be sad he can't be there..6/10/05. the moment we are PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) and in that 2ww. I understand his co-workers might have seniority over him to take days off and they grabbed that date up frist.. but gosh.. this is an important moment in our lives.. this is our CONCEPTION date!!!!!!!! wow... shaking head sadly. hmmmmm

Ok, options are.... A taxi cab? Oh... that would be a fun Taxi Cab Confessions like on HBO..... LOL Oh... the cab driver asks "Maam, why are you laying down in the back seat while I drive you home?" me: " Well I am PUPO, and need to rest for that moment of implantation, there is no better place than to do that in than in the back seat of your pimped ride". Bahahaha

Second option.... My mom... my friend and I know she would not refuse, but I don't even know if her retired butt will be in town since this is kinda a late notice of her needing to be with me. LOL

Third option? Not sure, why don't you give me your thoughts on what my third option could be?

22 guage 1 1/2 needle.....

that was just sunk into my buttox by my DH... yes... shot #3 of E2V estrodile delestogen shots for this FET prep. I went in today for my B/W and US... got to the office.. handed them my paperwork for the future if needed for a fresh IVF cycle and also instructions for cryopreservation... then I was called back for my bloodwork by MK.. she said ... "so I hear you are a hard stick" meaning... my veins are NOT nice to the needle for blood draws. LOL I replied..."Yup, Good luck" and God is she good.. First Stick. I love her.. I LOVE HER... It is crazy to say that I could love someone for being able to stick me once with a needle for a vial of blood... OMG.. this is a wonderful change from the previous cycles I have had to deal with.. 3 sometimes 4 sticks for one vial of blood hurts. WAY TO GO MK!

Sooooo then I thought I was to wait around for an US.. I went to sit down and was told "See you Friday for your next E2 draw.. but no US again until Sunday the 5th. ." WOW.. YEAH.. .NO date with Mr Wand? OMG.. I acutally miss Mr. Wand.. What is up with that? See, in a fresh IVF cycle you can have up to 10 or more US's to check the follie and lining growth.. but we are not concerned with follies this time, just the E2 to build the lining and I am pretty sure with all the CM that it is building just fine. LOL

Sooooo while sitting waiting for my b/w this AM.. I hear the nurse call back 2 different people that I am cycle buds with at SIRM... we all post on the same board on the internet for support .. Dang it, I should have said something to them, but they were up and moving fast to the back US rooms. LOL

Ok, back to relax... well, surf Ebay... or watch some junk tv.

moving on down..

I am trying to figure out this picture posting issue of my pictures being HUGE... Hmmmm


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space.. trying to get them to scroll down.





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drab tv

gosh.. TV today stunk. I wanted to sit down and relax after a nice day outside in the yard doing work... but no.... there was not a worth while program on. Nada. Zilch. Sooooo now I am back on the pc and doing the wrong thing... EBAY... oh gosh.. who ever gave me premission to buy off that place?

Well, it does support my habit of BEADING...

it is fun, but can be expensive. This is the mother's bracelet I make for a friend how had success with IF.


bracelet I made my MIL!

Beautiful Day...

Wow, in the last 2 days I have gotten so much stuff done. Cleaned the house(not top to bottom, but enough to rid the dog hair) and then have done so much outside yard work it is really starting to look like a house I can invite folks over to.

DH opened the swimming pool today.. might take a few days to get it really in an "open" status due to some holes we had in the cover leaked leaves and dirt into the water. That takes a few shocks to clean up and a few vac runs to clean the leaves.

My veggie garden is being planted in about 20 minutes. I will have 4 different types of tomatoes. Cherry, Roma, Big boy and a nice hybrid. 2 cucumber vines and 3 different pepper plants... 2 green and 1 red. YEAH. I love veggies and it is so liberating knowing I CAN GROW them. I picked about 50 cucumbers last year and ate them and gave them away then the tomatoes I loved and ate raw and had them on my salads and also gave them to neighbors and co-workers. I might try my hand at some spinach.. not sure yet. It is kinds getting late for that planting to happen though.

Ok, back to work ... Hope you all are having a wonderful Holiday weekend.

Oh, on the TTC front.. AF is GONE GONE GONE.. YEAH. June 10th here we come. I go back in Tuesday morning for my scan and B/w and then 2 more E2 shots this week to come and then prep for the transfer. I sure hope and pray we can get at least 2 of our 3 embies to thaw for a good transfer.

Oh, since I can't do baby aspirin, I will be on the heparin in the 2ww, did I post that already? bahahahaha, my mind is lost.

Back to work.

signs signs everywhere there are signs...

I am folding laundry tonight, yup-such a boring life that stayed home from work today and did nothing so I am doing laundry at this hour on a Friday night-what a life, I hang up dh's shirt, pants, my great second hand finds.....and what do I find????????????????

a child's sock. White ankle sock for a child maybe the age of 3 or 5 yrs old. Hmmmmmmmm

See, when going through IF, I tend to take signs of things like this and analyze them..... like asking if this is a GOOD sign for our inching into this FET cycle for it to help towards a + outcome? hehe of course I think crazy like that, but hey, if it brings on the positive thoughts and feelings more power to me.

I asked DH whos sock was it, he got a strange wrinkle between his eye brows and shrugged his shoulders like he did not know, well of course he did not, but it was funny to ask him.

Maybe this is a good sign?

HELLYEAH.

clots clots and more clots...

ewwww, this is gross so if you wish not to read.... you have been warned.



last night I passed several clots...frist this was a clot around the size of a half dollar and thick as 1/2 inch.. ugh.. I could feel something happening... lots of contraction like cramps. I passed a clot and now I just have cramps and bright bleeding. What is the world is my body doing?

should I call them, the doc? I will see in the AM if it is still bad, but for now I am heading to bed to lay down.

I give... I can't predict anything this body is trying to do. LOL

I hope it is nothing serious.

Thursday morning update.... I am ok now.. just crampy and small amounts of tissue passing now.. I can't get a grip on what my body is trying to do. This scares the chit out of me to even try and get pg with this stuff happening. Oh Lord hear our prayers to get us pregnant with this FET and keep a baby growing inside of me for 8 -9 months without incident. Please?


Ok, off to work. Hey, it is chinese food day. YEAH... one good reason to go into work. LOL

Just an "EFF" that mood....

have you ever gotten into one of those EFF- it moods while doing the ttc thing? Last night it just hit me. You know, I have been good over the last few years of not gaining weight , trying to eat right, I did loose a few lbs back when I was not cycling... I take my vitamins... I go by the book, no drinks in the cycle... etc... and still we have not had success. So a few nights ago I had some wine. I ate chips and salsa... I was not the best when it came to being a good food conscious eater. I was in an EFF it mood.
LOL
DH agreed with me last night.

Isn't it crazy what we put ourselves through? I know it will reap
rewards in the end to keep on trying, but dang, I am tired of being the "Ms. Goodie-two-shoes" in all this.

Sorry, I had to vent. I Just wondered if you ever when through thesefeelings while ttc?

Hope your day is going well. I wish I were outside in the beautiful
Sun.

One E2 shot down and 3 to go up to the 3rd of June.

all clear for take off....

I am cyst free and lining is thin and ready to be pumped with E2.... My body listened.

I start my E2 shots in the pm tonight and keep on my 5u of lupron each morning through this cycle.

(Monday)I am so lucky to have a new doc that I am confortable with already. I swear, we get along so well. He walked into the exam/us room and immediately wanted to shake my hand. Very upbeat.... I asked him if it was fun being the local Celeb on the news spot over the weekend.. and he was surprised I had said that. LOL he did a small segment on Low Ovarian Reserve in ttc... Pretty good story that even being 28-30 yrs old, you can have success with low ovarian reserve.

Sooooo, he does the US and checks the lining... All is well, it is a thin lining which is a good start to the cycle.. thus that is the reason my AF is aloof, near non-existant. LOL Which is an ok thing since I am on lupron still. Then he checked my ovaries and I have lots of antral follies ready to get my body in shape for this FET... Oh, I forgot to ask him, do they want me to ovulate in the FET cycle? hmmm, I will have to ask them when I drop off some paperwork DH needs to inital in the next few days.

After that he turned on the light and asked me if I had any questions.. YUP, of course I do... I hate it when I don't have my list of things to ask, but I did remember 2 of 3 big things... #1 was that since I am allergic to aspirin, what will he do to supplement my cycle? He said we will be doing either Heparin or Lovanox(sp?) in the 2ww and hopefully beyond into pgcy. YEAH.. #2 ? was about how many to transfer and what did he think our thaw rate will be with 3 beautiful expanded frozen day 6 blasts???? He said the thaw rate should be great and really hopes for at least 2 of the 3 to make it... he then said we needed to get my embies transferred to his lab, but I told him that has already taken place. SOOO he went out immediatly and got my frozen embie report to put in my file from the lab director at his office.


Ok, rambling.. sorry.

I had a great day.. I am to start my E2V shots tomorrow evening.. IM shots so DH gets to be involved with this cycle finally. LOL I am excited and nervous too, but blind to what an FET is all about so I take each step with a new renewed breath of fresh air.

To tease or not to Tease.....

That is the statement of the day... not the question.... Today is Sunday..My FET calendar read to "expect period" on either Friday or Saturday... Well, look at the date I am posting this.... SUNDAY.. HELLO BODY.. Listen to the damn calendar already. Listen to what the nurse and doc need you to do. I can't give you anymore subliminal hints to CATCH ON TO the INSTRUCTIONS the office is giving you NOW. Cousin Spot is now almost GONE... I need the flood gates to open up now. I can only ask so much of this body, but damnitalready... listen. If I can't get a cycle in now for a transfer on 6/10/05 then I won't be able to cycle this month. Or maybe for another 3 months. Co-worker dictates what time I can have off since she has 25 years of service in at the job and has the First pick of when she can take off. She has vacation at the end of June and is also set to be off for when her daughter has her frist child in either late July or early August. If I can only be the one pregnant and needing time off. UGH.

Sorry to rant, it is just that I am on this DANG Loopy Lupron and it is playing havoc on my moods and my swollen overdue AF body.

Ok, went to my bil's for his bday party today and I enjoyed it. My niece and nephew were there... 4.7 yrs old and 2.5 yrs old respectfully.... I really loved being in their company today.. kinda gives me hope that DH and I are almost there... ready to become parents to a child we will be blessed with soon. I loved the fun comments they both had for situations they were in today.. funny and it kept me LOL.

Ok, off to read my book for the book club that is due tomorrow night.. Ooppsss, I am on page 120 and it is a 400 page book... oops.. don't think I will finish this one either.

later.

First US and B/w tomorrow AM to determine how this cycle will go.

what? gone? nope.. just lazy ....

you got that right. I am lazy and have failed to post an update for a while. These are the snapshots of what has been happening...

Last Saturday the 14th I started that lovely Loooopppyyyy LUPON for our FET cycle. I started with 10u a day also taking bcp's on top of that so man was I getting moody. I stopped bcp's Wed night and then dropped down the Lupron from 10 u to 5u a day.. YEAH.. less chances for a headache from hell then. I am so bloated and I have the MAJOR PMS'ing munchies. Girls, you know that when you PMS... DON'T to go KRISPY KREME! FRICK... I did and now I regret it, but since I bought those damn addictive things home, you know I have to eat them now. Bahahahahahahaha

Yesterday or Today is the "Should expect Period" suggestion on my FET calendar. Well, today is 1/2 over and AF is NOT here yet. Frick.. what am I to do to get this body to understand that I NEED AF to show... You know, we women that are ttc NEVER want AF to show in the 2ww, but when we are in prep to these once in a YEAR cycles that I get to do, I NEED AF NOW and DAMN IT ALREADY she needs to show. Frick.. I want her to show and NOW she has decided to take a vacation... Ok, maybe I should go put on my favorite WHITE pair of shorts and maybe that will bring her on? (side note to those reading... I am a tubeless wonder (lost both tubes to ectopics) so no, we are NOT able to get pg so don't think that the fun DH and I have can ever give us a means to procreate! Sad, but true)

LOL

I am so lazy today... I went yard saling, but now am tired so I have no energy to do any house work and let me tell you the dust bunnies are actually making the dogs jump when they blow across the floor from the swirl of the ceiling fan. AHAHAHAHAHa....

Dust bunnies here consist of DOG HAIR. 3 dogs, who the frick gave us permission to have 3 dogs in this here house? If I wear a WHITE outfit, my 2 black dogs leaves traces of themselves on me.. IF I wear dark colors, my other blonde dog leaves her traces on me too. Thank goodness for a whirlwind vac and those lovely Masking Tape type Lint rollers. Ahhhhhhh. I have one in my car, at work, at home, in the camper.

Ok, off to go veg on the couch. Today was a wonderful day... now I have to look forward to house work tomorrow AM and then if the weather (rain expected) clears, to go outside and trim those WILDASS burning bushes out front so I don't look like the HOOSIER house on the block like some of my other city folk neighbors. Oh and I plan on planting my garden too if I can get to the local HomeDepot store. Tomatoes, cucumbers, red peppers, green peppers, and maybe some home grown spinach. Yum

Later, until I am not so lazy I can get myself up and type a new updated message. :)

Oh, I have my first FET US and B/w scheduled for Monday at 8 am .. I sure hope it is good news and also that I can make it to work by 8:30.. Yikes.

my dream job???? maybe not, but one day I will be

a NURSE. I would be good at it. I would be good with patients. I would be a WONDERFUL Infertility NURSE or US tech. I will be.... get it??? I WILL BE. I am going to consider changing my career goal and become a nurse or an US tech. I can't stand this anymore. I might have to take a few years to complete my degree, but I will do it. I am going to achieve my life long goal to help others in the medical field. I AM NEVER TOO OLD TO DO THIS.

When I was a child/kid, people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up... 2 things I replied with to their questions... One would be a firefighter... well, I know damn well I am in no shape to even think about that and honestly I would never be able to live in a firefighter suit if on the job. TOOO FRICKIN' hot. My cousin is a firefighter for the City of St. Louis and I admire his will to do that. He works hard and saves lives and sometimes sadly loses a life of a victim. I don't want to deal with that. Second reply to the person asking would always be A NURSE.... well there are different option in being in the medical field and now having experienced IF myself, I honesly deep down believe I would be a wonderful help in the medical side of the infertility treatments for those that seek to become parents. I can do this because I know I will be a parent no matter if it is with success with treatments myself of IVF or through adoption.

DH agrees with me. My sister and mom both have said they think I should start going to school NOW. I couldn't agree more.

I have not talked to too many people about this, but on my way home from the local Resolve meeting tonight, I thought about it and it came to me... JUST CAME TO MY HEART that this is what I want to do.

IT is a weight lifted off my shoulders. I am at a point in my life that if I can't find a career in what I WANT to do, I will be forever stuck in this job I am in now... no advancement opportunities, sitting behind a desk for 8.5 hours a day and answering the stupid cold sales calls coming into my boss I work for. Don't get me wrong... people would DIE for the job I have and would do so to have it for the cushion to retire on, but I want excitement, I want to be there to help others achieve their goals or try to at least to become parents. Dang... this is a great feeling.

Ok, besides this NEW FOUND HOPE and goal, I am in the middle of a new Frozen Embryo Cycle. I am on bcp's now and I start taking my LUPRON (LOOPY LUPRON) this Saturday morning. YEAH. I am set to have our embryo transfer on 6.10.2005. YEAH again. I will promise to post more updates now that I am not in school and working 2 jobs. Summer vacation time.


Glory is in the air.


bec