Looking past the nervousness

For some odd reason when we were only one hour away from meeting the birthmother & birthfather in CO, I was not nervous externally. I was focused on what we looked like and how we would present ourselves and not so much the aspect of what it would feel like to shake their hands and sit down and talk with them. I would not allow myself to think of questions before we were in the room. I kept being thankful that DH was with me and was being that rock I needed him to be through ever step of the way, yet I knew he was in some way or another nervous too about meeting the birth parents also in his own way, but yet as my rock he did not show it externally to me that he was nervous in an sort of the way. He stood up and was right there by my side. I focused on what he was possibly thinking and was it something about the social worker , to ask her questions, or was he thinking about what questions we would ask the bp's, I don't know. I do know he hugged me tight when we got out of the hospital door and held me up from falling to the ground wretched in sobbing cries. He is my Rock. I need to tell him that more often.

Hug your husband today. Although he might not express it in the best way verbally, he is expressing it physially or some way or another internally.

I can't wait to see him hold our first child in his arms and see him physially sob with joy.
I know I will be. I will most likely get blurry camera pictures because of my sobs, but hey, it will be a picture perfect moment.

Getting ready to find a printer service to print

this new adoption portfolio that DH worked so hard on this past weekend. Poor thing, I think I broke his back doing it too. I cracked my whip over his back so much that he was hurting bad. hehe. He is ok and did such a great job on the 11 pages that agency #3 AGOHA likes it. Thanks to the s/w, we were able to make some edits and we feel we have a final product ready now. Kinko's could not print our page 10 last night for some reason. I went there to do a basic pilot print run to make sure the colors printed the way we wanted them to. So DH is going to try and stop after work and do this test print also. Then we are going to find a printing service to laminate and spiral bound the pages together in 10 different portfolios. I really hope this brings us one step closer to getting that match and placement.

Wanna see the cover?

gotta figure out this ping thing

I wanted to ping for my twgoots blogspot blog, but that did not work. oops. So go check out my twogoots ebay sales blog (under my profile).

LOL Cross selling again. Oh Yeah.

what a kawinkidink

oh. here are a few pictures from the Race Day events. The first picture is of my friend Kathy, myself in the bunny ears and hat, Susan, and the guest of Honor In Celebration, NatalieT
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/nataliet

This is the team picture for Trottiers Trotters!

What a great Walk it was. Here is another that shows the sea of shirt heading downhill going West on Olive. Amazing to see so many shirts. I missed seeing the funny hats this year though. But we did see many Pink shirts for survivors and many signs in memory of others that lost their battles. Bless them, one and all.

a friend, Kathy from the old IF support group days, went walking with myself and another friend at the Komen Race on Saturday for Trottiers Trotters Team. We were talking on the drive downtown and she was laughing that her jury service had been postponed. I said, "No way, Federal Jury Service?". She said, "Yes!".....Me, "OMG, I was summonsed and also got a deferred date!". OMG.. We were Laughing our arses off. We were both summonsed for Federal Jury service on the same day, same courts, etc... How crazy is that? We chat by email all the time and we never mentioned to each other that we had Federal Jury Service coming up . We discussed our "deferment" by the courts this Monday (as you call in the Friday b4 to confirm your service) and found out that I am deferred to the 25th, but she was deferred to the 21st. So she has to call in the night of the 20th to find out if they are calling her in or if they are again deferring her service. I get to call in after 5 pm on the 22nd to find out if I will have to report in on the 25th or am deferred again or not.

How funny it was to know I chat with Kathy everyday and we never mentioned this to each other. She lives way west.. I mean vineyard country west. LOL It would be so cool if we both get called in on the 25th and serve on the same jury. We will see. I'll keep you posted.

Ebay sales went ok today. Only 5 of my 21 items sold, but I did have a few "off ebay" sales that actually made more money. I am glad I linked my attached (see my profile) blog on blogger to promote. I am going to add a bunch more pictures of patterns of bottle holders I have yet listed on Ebay. Maybe I can gain sales off ebay and start to gain lots more through the blog sales site. hehe. I need to learn some more html for my ebay sales for better linkage to show other patterns without having my fees eaten up by seller listing fees, sold fees and then paypal fees. Sure, I know it is a service they offer and they should make money off me, but I don't sell a high priced item so it is hard to be able to make a profit to help pay for our adoption costs like that.
Ok, off my soapbox now.

Please do go check out my other sales blog.

DH worked so hard on creating our newest agency's picture profile for us. He finished it up today. It is 11 pages long from cover to back. Now we have sent it off the the agency for their viewing and suggestions of changes if any are needed. I am proud of DH, he went full head into the project and worked on it Friday Saturday and Sunday long. Sure, there were a few words we exchanged on thing we might not have agreed on with style or color, but it quickly worked itself out without much kink in the rolling out of each page. Now we just need to find out what we should change per the agency's suggestions and then find out how we can laminate or sheet protect them with a spiral bound setting so the pages lay flat for when the pbm looks at the profile and the pages are not all turning over on themselves while she is trying to read it. Great suggestions Elizabeth!

ok, off to bed to go to work since I don't have jury service just yet.

Ahhhh, spells relief

Did I mention to you that our newest agency's social worker(s/w) was wonderful? She came in, greeted the barking doggies (I bet her doggie thinks she cheated by meeting our doggies), then sat down with us for a good while to go over what they would like to see in our profile. Or at least suggested a few things. DH and I have our work cut out for us, but we plan on finishing this profile in a few days time. I was told by the s/w to email her the pages as we get them done so she can help us if we need to define anything or change settings, etc.... FUN. I think DH might like this scrapbooking program as much as I will.

I just wish it would rain already. My bones ache. I had the youngest dog ran into my side knee the other day on her way out of the house to go into the backyard and that hit made my knee cap pop out of place and then it popped back in, but I am hurting big time now in my knee. I think she might have strained something in there or pulled a ligament. If it does not get better by early next week, I will call the doc to get in. I have never been to a specialist about my knees (sounds like rocks jiggling behind my knee caps), but this has provoked me to pay closer attention and call for help soon. Heck, what good would I be if I have a bad bum knee when holding a baby? :)

Ok, Jury service has been deferred(as they put it). I had to call tonight to a special 866 toll free number to put in my juror number and it would tell me if I would have to report downtown to the Federal courts building this coming Monday or later. I called and it said "Your jury service has been deferred to 6/25/07 at 8:15 am. BUT I have to call on 6/22/07 to confirm that I still have to report. I also have to call them to see if this changes my reporting dates from 6/18/07 - 6/29/07 to 6/25/07-7/6/07?!? It is for a two week on call term on the original letter, but I am not sure if this drags it out one more week. Hummmm. Good question. I guess Monday I will call the local courts number and ask them if it will be a full 2 weeks on call again.

Ok, back to working on the profile.

Page one has a background. DH is working on scanning some items for a theme.

butterflies turning huge flips

yes, I am dealing with a butterfly stomach right now. The social worker is on her way and I am so nervous for some reason. We are going to go over what they recommend our our picture profile and dbm letter. I can't wait to get busy on this.

I wonder if I can take my laptop to the jury service on Monday. If I need to work on our picture profile, I can do that from my laptop. Hummmm, I will call down to the info line tomorrow and ask if I can bring it. I don't mind carrying the bag around with it as it is not too heavy.

Ok. dog barking.. looks like the sw is here

thanks!

wow! thanks for the sales!

ebay listings again

Yes, my self-promotion is on. I have to make up some of the over 1400.00 in costs we lost on this last failed match.

Check out my twogoots blog for ebay... click in that blog to get to ebay!

Thanks!

Hey, I just looked and I already have one sale. YEAH!

Cheers to a great, busy week for us all.

Scrapbooking software is installed on the pc and now I need to work on building our new picture profile for the #3 agency. (#1 - Adoption Haven, #2 - Action4adoptions, #3 - A Gift of Hope Adoptions).

failed matches suck a big donkey kong.

DH and I just spent the last 4 days packing then traveling with our 3 doggies (yes they go everywhere with us on the road) and our camper to Colorado Springs CO for a match with a pbm that was being induced on Tuesday.

Needless to say, without going to much detail, we got up there and met the pbm and pbf(father) of the baby that had just been born Tuesday around 5:30 pm, but found out yesterday that the pbm did go home with the baby instead of making an adoption plan with DH and I.

Our hearts are broken, but we will not stop our dreams of becoming mom and dad!

I will grieve this loss and failed match, but I will keep my hopes up that our new agency will be able to match us quickly with a less risky situation.

What a whirlwind trip, nearly 1900 miles, nearly 2000 in travel expenses and nearly broken hearts is what it was all about.

One good thing that came out of this is that we never did meet the baby boy. Thank goodness because I know my heart would have been broken into pieces even more had we met him.

Ok, off to sleep so we can drive the rest of the way home from Lawrenece KS tonight (staying at a KOA).

We will become parents, I have faith in this.

Let the War begin

Jokesters that we are, DH and I, today he was teasing me about something as he got into the shower. So I preceeded to go potty and got up and he did it again so I politely as I could FLUSHED THE TOILET. My friends WAR HAS BEEN DECLARED. He said, "Oh paybacks are fun you just wait".

Baahahahahaha! Bring it on baby.

baby oh baby. yes. bring it on.


On a more serious note.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=demRHgul2Zk


I gotta figure out how to post a YouTube video directly here. But for now, go to that link above.

clean clean clean

ahhh, a clean house is rewarding.

The newest adoption agency we are with is having the social worker come over Tuesday evening to go over our profile to revamp our dbm letter and our picture profile. I hope the house is presentable and smelling oh so good with my favorite candles!

html and school

Man, I bought an html book recently(whopping .25 cents!) and wish I had time to read it so I could figure out how to do my own web page programming/building. I will work on it one day. I like this blog, but maybe one day I can start my own after I buy a domain. hmmm. Meantime I will let blogger host me! No offense blogger, but I need a peppy web page!

This puts a bug in me to sign up this fall for my html class I need to take. No tuition reimbursement from work, but I need to do this for me. I need to keep my classes up. I want to strive for myself!

DH is taking a class this summer and then another one this fall so this puts the bug in me to keep my schooling up also.

This keeps me busy. I need to research to see if there is a second 1 credit hour course I can take that will help further my credits towards my associates.

I can tell you that I still regret not going to college right after high school or even a few years after that when I could have afforded it, but I am glad I have the bug these past few years to keep going with my education. I have much better study habits now and I love seeing how I can conquer a challenge in class.

Thanks for the buyers

I did ok on ebay this week. I was shooting for 1/2 of my items to sell, but I did not make that personal quota, but... but ... check this out(click the link to the ebay listing below)............

My Quacker Factory sweater did fabulous! WOW!

Several other items sold and put a few good bucks into our adoption funds. Hey, $83.46 in one week is a huge stack of coins and dollars to chip away at that number we just paid out to the agency. I am on the hunt now for these quacker factory sweaters now that I know I was able to sell the two in the last few weeks. I love digging through my closet to find an item that is a treasure to someone else and so I can clean it out of my house. Yard sales are a good place to start to fine more of these sweaters. Now that I know what I have is a seller, I can keep an eye out for them at sales to snag and list. I love the sweaters myself, but I don't wear them that often due to always being too hot. Lordy knows the sweltering summer weather is hear already. (fanning myself with a thick piece of paper today was my saver).

Going shopping tomorrow with my niece (soon to be 14) at the local mall. No, I won't spend my hard earned ebay money tomorrow. I promise. I am only taking her so she can go buy a few things with her $ left over from confirmation. FUN. I can't wait to see the clothes she wants to buy(but little does she know her mom has told me WHAT NOT TO BUY as some things are not allowed in their house like short short mini skirts, etc.). My niece is a bean poll so I expect she will want to buy a few little skirts and a few tops. I can't wait to spend some time with her.

No news on the adoption front. ... no, wait.... we are working on meeting up with the new agency's social worker to work on our dbm letter and picture profile for their agency. Each agency has their own suggestions as to what to put in the letter and what pictures to use and how many to use and how to arrange them. I overnighted a copy of the profile folder (letter/pic profile combined) to the agency owner for him to put his suggestions in, then he will forward it to the social worker here for her to share with us on what to change. FUN. So meantime I have bought a scrapbooking software my friend suggested to use and I plan on using that next week to build a new profile to the agency's liking. I don't mind doing this because working with our photos and scanning the older photos is fun. We got to think back to what and when and where that picture was taken.

Congrats to the new mamma, a friend I met a few years back that went to the IF support group I attended too. Blessing to the new family! I can't wait to do this too. I can't wait for our hearts to grow with a new love.

I can say it now... TGIF

Have you had one?

Having grown up in the South of my fair City, we had many a fun times during our Porch Parties.

Have you ever had a porch party?

Around 6:30 pm on many a summer evenings, as the sun was just slipping behind the acorn tree and down past the steeple of St. Margaret's Church on 39th street and Flad, all the neighbors seemed to migrate to our front porch.

It was a porch that was about 20 feet across the left front of our 3 story old house, wide enough for one to sit comfortably in a woven nylon lawn chair and prop your feet up on the limestone bench rail. About 6 steps pitching north off of the top tiled (like your bathroom floor in an old house) step. Then a flat slab of concrete 10 feet sloping away from the house from there with another 3 steps to the city owned sidewalk just before a grass easement to the again city owned poorly paved street that was one way heading due East. The rail from the front steps to the city owned sidewalk was one piece steel 3" round pipe. Perfect for the youngster that I was to do my single Even bar gymnastic routine each night.

The evenings persisted of straggling neighbors bringing their lawn chairs sitting in our grass around the said steps popping their aluminum tabbed top beverage cans, slipping them into a can cooler (koozie). Sitting and letting out a big sigh that the weekend was finally here and well deserved.

Plotting would go on. Float trips planned, 30th, 40th b-day party scenarios played out, kid war stories swapped (now mind you I was the youngster so I was always jokingly told to put my fingers in my ears and hummmm so I would not hear the war stories), bbq's planned and veggies shared.

It was so much fun. I miss those days. I miss the families in my old neighborhood.

Finding a cure for Breast Cancer

Today I set out a list for sign up names at my work and also put out Company matching contribution forms to collect donations for the Race for the Cure here in St. Louis. It is a huge drive to fund money that partially stays here in St. Louis for the researchers and to help those directly touched by this nasty evil Cancer.

Natalie's work is putting together a team and several of Natalie's friends from the old Resolve days are joining in too. The walk is Saturday June 16th downtown St. Louis. I am going to try and meet a few of my friends at the metrolink stop and ride the metro downtown. Much easier on parking. So we will get Race for the Cure shirts and also Catalina Marketing shirts too. FUN. I am so excited to go and support so much women (and a few men) that have had breastcancer. To Celebrate the living and to remember the lost. Sad to say I know more than I want that I have lost to breastcancer. Lets find a cure!

If you would like to make a donation, feel free to contact Komen, Race for the cure. online.

Cheers to a nice weather day, Fun walk and Lots of pictures to show the Celebration of life in the ladies in pink.

GOLDEN DROPS OF MILK

I decided to start the protocol for adoptive breastfeeding again, but just a little different this time around. I did not do any bcp's in prep for this protocol. I would have needed 3 months minimum, but decided that since I produced near 10=12oz a day from July to November on the Domperidone, I can do the dom to prep myself again instead of doing bcp'S AND dom 3 months then dropping the bcp's. Pumping and doing Dom for weeks and weeks 8=10 times a day on pumping. I also hand express into a bottle during working hours.

So today is day 3 of the domperidone and the fenugreek tablets. I have managed to pump 6 times today and got GOLD SWEET GOLD DROPS of MILK at all sessions. Nothing to collect, but I have a feeling I will be there soon. I need to put all my supplies together incase we get a call to travel out of town. Nice.

Oh. one side effect of this pumping and domperidone? Ummmm, Blush.... It make me frisky for dh. hE LIKE THAT.

PERKS CAN BE FOR ME, BABY AND DADDY. lol. No match with a baby yet, but we are still staying hopeful and looking forward as we know it can happen to anyone so quidkly.

Gotta go to sleep. Gotta.

congrats again to baby L , who is being adopted by c and B. YEAH. My baby lust has gotten to me and I need to see him when they get settled in also so I can bring them a gift for baby l.

Gotta add this link to the videos of proper breastfeeding. There is one at the bottom that gives you details on how to use supplemental nursing by tube for adoptive breastfeeding. YEAH!
WARNING//// DO NOT OPEN THESE IN A PUBLIC PLACE// OR WHILE AT WORK. //Some might take offense to the graphic nature of the natural breast at work to feed her child.

http://www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/additional_reading/movies.html

Fortune Cookie

We had Chinese dinner the other night and we got our fortune cookies along with the meal. We ate at home, but I never did open my cookie.

I have a superstition. Even though the cookie was stale (today), I insist I eat a part of it before I can read the fortune. So today while prepping some corn on the cob for bbq dinner with DH at home, I bit a piece of the cookie off and chewed. Yes, Chewed. Nice and stale. I had to do this. Just something I can't open and read first without a bite of that cookie. Yum. No, I did not eat the whole thing. I am not that superstitious. Ha

My Fortune read:

NOTHING CAN KEEP YOU FROM REACHING YOUR GOALS. DO IT!

Ahhh, I love this one. Sure, I could say my life will never be the same after reading one of these fortunes, but I don't base my life on them. I simply read them and say "Hey, that could be me". Then I save the fortune and date it on the back to go back and read it a few months later. I compare life to today to see if anything I had in mind for goal orientation has been reached. So I will let you know in a few months time if my goals are reached.

Goals:

1) clean the house on schedule (once a week). (we do sweep often due to doggies but not dust like we should)
2) work on setting up my sewing/craft room downstairs so that I can keep the door open and not be embarrassed to let anyone see that room.
3) Lose some much needed poundage (10 lbs is my goal by Summer end).
4) organize the clothes in the nursery.
5) make 400 bucks on ebay by end of July. (better get cracking on that one).
6) get a potential match with a birthmother through one of 3 adoption agencies we are with.
7) reorganize my files at work at my desk


Not too bad of a list. I know some are very very possible to accomplish.

Oh, and I want to see a few friends that are adopting to be successful in bringing their children home soon.

Do you set goals for yourself like this? If so, do you try and put a simple time frame on them or are you strict to keep them to a 30 day time line or 60 day etc?

Forbidden fruit (well, shrimp at least)

Last night DH and I headed to Longhorn Steakhouse to enjoy my gift card from work for my Professional Administrative Day. Ha. 60 bucks to splurge with. We both got a great appetizer. Then we ordered steaks and potatoes, but I added in Shrimp Scampi. See, I have not had shrimp in ages and the last time I had it I broke out in hives. So I temped fate and tried them again thinking they were cooked well and in a different saute sauce (not the typical peel and each shrimp at a party with cocktail sauce). I took a benedryl before to avoid hives, but that did not help. I was in hives in a matter of 10 minutes of eating 3 of those delicious shrimp. OMG they were so good, but I had to stop at 3 because I could feel the hives coming out on my hands and in my hair on my scalp. FUCK. This means I can't ever eat shrimp again. I love me some shrimp too :(

I am glad I took a benedryl. Or else I would have ended up in the ER for a shot or two like I have in the past from other food allergies along with a few drug allergies. I hate it. I hate that I have to be so careful to not eat certain foods and to make sure all my fruits and veggies are washed well before consuming.

Both my sister and my girlfriend have insisted I call the doc to get some EPI pins to carry with me in case I have a bad anafalactic shock one day from my allergies. My sister is highly , wait, VERY HIGHLY allergic to bee stings and has had two bad sting episodes of hives and shock set in before she reached the ER. Thank goodness for the EPI pins to slow the reactions down or else something very sad could have happened to her. I don't want to be like that so I better crack down and get some Epi pins from the PCP.

Anyone have allergic reactions to unwashed fruits, veggies, pistachio nuts, shell fish? Why are the great things in life so yummy, yet so harmful?

About 9 years ago I had bought some plums to eat. I was busy at work and grabbed one to chomp on without having really washed it, just rubbed it clean (so I thought) from fingers and dirt visibly showing on the skin. Well, in 2 hours time I was body head to toe with hives and having to take a bath in aveeno with lots of prednisone in me from a called in Rx from my PCP. He said to come in the ER If it did not get better, but the Pred. did the trick. Now Benedryl works as well as long as it is in tablet shape and I can crack it in half to help it absorb quickly. It is a crazy feeling, hives popping up on the skin and lips then on the tongue and in the back of the throat. When I had another reaction to some Sulfate for my bladder infection I had and combined with guaifenesin for a sinus infection, I ended up in the ER with my throat closing off from the hives. That was scary. I had 3 epi shots in the ER and 2 benedryl shots to calm the hives down. So no more non-washed plums and no more SULFATES EVER.

Did you realize that one of the main ingredients in your shampoo for your beautiful hair is SULFATE. Yes, Sodium Lauryl Sulfate. Go look. Well for years I could not figure out why I always had small tiny blisters on my head . Guess what, I am allergic to Sulfates. Had I not had that reaction to the sulfate for my bladder infection, I would have never known why my tiny blisters on my head were happening all the time. Well, I promptly switched to Sulfate Free Shampoo (ouch, expensive) and in two days my head cleared up and I was not itching all the time. Amazing what things you can be so sensitive to in this world of ours.

Thank goodness for benedryl, Epinephrin and Prednisone.

Ahhhh, I feel better today after an early exit to bed due to some benedryl.

I did enjoy dinner! Thanks to that gift card. Yummy.

ebay sales in action again

Yes, I am self promoting because I sure need to find a way to help pay for that check I just sent the new agency. Ha.

Come peek at my Ebay items.

Lots of baby bottle holders (more to be listed soon).
Cute 1x Sweater (thanks mae for making me dig out my sweater, I forgot I had this qf sweater)
Some charms from my old TOPS of Missour Group.
and more things to be added soon.

My thoughts are that I don't want to go get a second job so I will try and list the things in my house that I need to clear out for when we do eventually have a baby here so s/he can have all the space they need.

I am working on sending the social worker at new agency a copy of our profile so we can work on one for them. Shoot, I need to get that email out to her with the attachments.

Does anyone know how to convert .sig files into a .pdf file? I have my profile pages (pictures) in Print Shop, but I don't know how to convert them over to .pdf files to allow other to edit them if they don't have Print Shop. Really, I am willing to pay a gentle fee for anyone that can help me do this. Email me if you can help out.

Ok, off to keep listing things on Ebay.

Cheers to a wonderful weekend. If anything comes up with any of the 3 agencies we are with, I will post soon!

the check is in the mail

Actually the check(4700.00) and contract with the agency has been received by them. I checked DHL today and confirmed it was signed for. Left St. L at 8:40 last night and reached Columbia MO today at 9:00.

Now that the hard part of writing that check out to the new agency I can let my high end nerves come down. I hope we hear from the agency soon, but then again it means my high end nerves will be back up to top level and I will be on the busy path of updating our DBM letter and picture profile. FUN!

Speaking of picture profiles, a friend recommended a scrapbooking software to use. I think I will stop tomorrow night and get it from Sams. Anyone use a scrapbooking program b4? I have not and am curious how well it will go. I don't have the criteria from he agency yet on what to do with our picture profile so I hope we hear soon so I can make sure I have a fun weekend of working on the software and scanning more pictures.

I also heard from this friend that the DBM letter will be 1/4 of what we currently have, which is 2.5 pages long. Wow, short and sweet and to the point. It will be interesting to see what they revise on ours. Hard to tell our story in only a few paragraphs, but I know it can be done.

Ok, off to go watch my niece graduate from grade school. Oh that brings back memories. As a matter of fact, I wonder what happened to my grade school graduation pictures. I really want to see what I looked like back then. ahahahahaha