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Saturday, June 23, 2007

angels from heaven

Two years ago today is the sad anniversary of our miscarriage of our last ever pregnancy. We had done a fresh IVF cycle with SIRM St. Louis and we transferred back 3 nice embryo's and after the 2 week wait we had a + beta hcg pregnancy test. We made it to 6 weeks 1 day in the pregnancy and sadly while at dinner at TGIF in S. County, I started bleeding. We went home and within 4 hours I labored and delivered the fetal sac in tact. I tried to save the tissue for chromosomal testing, but the sac had ruptured by time I took it to the doc's office that Monday(I mc'd at home on a saturday night about 1 am. ). The lab tried to do testing on the tissue, but to no avail. We were ok with that knowing it was 99% my body that just could not handle being pregnant. My uterus was infected with adenomyosis so badly that any fetal tissue that implanted in my uterus was expelled through a miscarriage. And NO, I WON'T call it a missed ab*rtion. I REFUSE to use that 'Effing term.

That night of the miscarriage I told DH that I was done. Physically and emotionally done with ever trying to do IVF again and carry a baby. We would either need to consider surrogacy with our one frozen embryo or start our plans to adopt. We knew in our hearts that we wanted to be parents all along no matter how we achieve that goal and at that time and now we know adoption is our dream to become a reality. Sure, I still have that ache in my heart when I see a pregnant women. No, I am not mad at her, but just sad at the fact that my body could not carry a baby to viability. After 9 Angels in heaven we were sure we knew what path we would become parents through.

Fingers crossed our profile sent out to the agency yesterday brings us an adoption match soon. :)

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