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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I couldn't hit enter/submit

I sat and typed out a long post. Instead of hitting enter/send I sent it to my drafts folder. What I was trying to say was not coming out right in typed words.

I can only say that I admire the honesty of this woman's blog.

I wish I could have the talent to write like that. I am not talented in that way so I will keep it short and simple. I dread having a hysterectomy because I am longing to do one more IVF cycle. (read-FET) because I can't stand the thought of having to leave my life of ttc behind me and also to leave my one frozen embie out there to maybe never be put back into my uterus or one of a surrogates because I can't afford to do either one. For my uterus ... that is committing murder on our embryo. Honestly it is. I can't carry a baby and I keep trying to fool myself into thinking that I could do at least one more frozen cycle and just cancel my booked hysterecomy this coming month. As far as a surrogate goes, I can't do that either because I can't afford to do it. Please don't say I can because I have researched up and down the costs and it is outrageous even if it were to be someone I know(family member and or s who lives about 6 states away that once volunteered. ) I can't afford it. Legal fees, cycle fees, etc. SOOOOOOO I sit here sad that I will eventually call up the Reproductive Endocrinologists office in a year or so and say "Can I please have amy embryo given to me in the tube it is frozen in so I can thaw it at home and put it in the memorial behind my house? " Yes. I plan on doing that. I don't want to donate that embie to research. I don't.

Ok. off my selfpity horse. AF is here so that brings me down to 26 days away from my hysterectomy surgery. I need to really get my butt in gear at work and get a few projects done and ready for the temp they will hire in to fill in for me while gone. That temp can't even begin to learn the things I do in my job so I will have to have some bills sent home to me to pay while out on leave. JOY.

The boss took myself and a co-worker out to lunch yesterday for Professional Administrative's Day. Nice lunch and then a trip to Michaels to buy whatever we wanted in the way of house plant arrangements! NICE. I love that store.

Tomorrow night I will begin washing the bedding, clothes, blankets, etc.. for our nursery. I also need to figure out if we will repain the dresser my mom's boyfriend donated to us so I can use it for a changing dresser! I can use the wall border decals to decorate it after I paint it so it will match the decor of the nursery. FUN>
bidding on john lennon real love dresser drawer knobs now on Ebay. hehe. I am addicted.

Praying hard that we get another perspective situation to be presented to a birthmother. Praying hard.

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