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Wednesday, September 10, 2008

not knowing how she is feeling makes me crazy..... how is her birthmother?

(I don't tend to alway blog about my feelings about adoption lately, but I thought I would share a few of my feelings of late. )

Not one day goes by without thinking how Julia's birthmother and birthsiblings are doing. I hope she is well, I hope Julia's birthsiblings & family are well too. I bet they are busy with going back to school recently.

These are things on my mind every day. I know they are not far away from us, but not seeing them in person lately brings back the thoughts of wondering how are they doing.

I know they think of Julia every day. We think of them every day. These thoughts are a normal part of our lives and I want to share these thought with others that have adopted or are considering adopting and having an open adoption. These ARE normal thoughts and feelings. It is ok to feel this way. I say it is ok to express your concerns on how they are doing if you feel ok to do so out loud or as in here, on a blog.

Sometimes I stop to think if they are eating dinner at the same time we are or if they are out playing at the same time we are. We don't have a direct way to contact them unless we show up unannounced. I won't do that. Sorry, but I don't like it when others drop in unexpected so therefore I just won't do that to her birthfamily either. We have a mutual contact that takes our messages that we have called and passes that message to J's birthmom, but generally we don't hear back for a few days or weeks. This is the case right now. DH left a message with our mutual friend and we have not heard back this time around from either her nor J's birthmom. We have learned over time that this is ok not having a call back the same day or the next, etc.... We leave the choice to call back in her court to make that next move. We know we might not hear from her for a while. The only part of this right now is that this past weekend I sent out invitations for J's first birthday party and sent one to both the mutual friends family and J's birthfamily too. We did not ask for RSVP's, instead we asked for regrets only. Now I wish I had put RSVP's on there. LOL, it sure would help relieve some stress! bahahaha, poor planning on my part. lesson learned for next year. ha

This invitation brings about more thoughts too. Will we get a call / voice mail one day here soon that says her birthfamily won't make it to the party or will we hear that they will come or will we hear from them at all? We will offer a ride to them. We can easily pick them up and bring them back home, or will they decline because they don't wish to be around our family (who are virtual strangers to them since they have only met my mom and DH's mom, although I do talk abou tthem in our letters to her) or is it too hard to be around all of us? These are things I will have on my mind for the next few weeks in prep for her party. I have a good feeling we will get answers to my thoughts and questions in due time, but it seems life for me rules right on the line of that last second basket being made from center court to win the game.... nail biter. Does that make sense.

Do any of you out there have an open adoption relationship to where you have invited your child's birthfamily to the party? How did it turn out if they did come? Or did you do a seperate date to have a more private party with the birthfamily? I thought of offering to have a get together with them later that night after her party at a restaurant or something... maybe that might work? I also want them to know J needs NO GIFTS... them being there is the gift! Them being able to play and interact and smile and laugh out loud is the GIFT from them! That is all we ever need to keep us on that high we feel after each visit. It makes my heart warm when we all give hugs to each other and share fun stories and ask about the kids school day, etc....

Since Julia's birthday is coming up,DH put together a homemade invitation... Elmo is the theme. I can't wait to decorate (we are having the party at my sisters because her sq footage is about double ours in our City houses. I even got an Elmo pinata. FUN. I gotta find some good snacks for the younger children for that one. Grandma and my sis also found another pinata in the shape of the number 1 so we will fill both .. one for small kids with pull string door and the other for the bigger kids (nieces and nephews) to hit with the baton. I am going to have to pay someone to take photos as I will be so busy with the kids and events.

How did your first birthday party go for your first child? Were you nervous? did you enjoy? WHat party favors did you have for both younger children and older nieces and nephews etc...??

Cupcakes or should buy a sheet cake and a small cake for Julia? *Elmo theme of course*.. yes, we will do a more princess or not so gender neutral party next year. hehe. I can't help if the girl loves elmo, actually I feed her addiction by buying her toys modeled after ELmo. hehe

I thank the Lord every moment for Julia's birthmother and her decision to bring Julia into this world and selecting us to become her parents for the rest of all of our lives.

1 comment:

stljoie said...

WOW...these are questions I never had to deal with but totally understand how you feel. The ball is in their court and you've done everything possible to include them. So just go on with your party for your daughter and let the chips fall where they may....and enjoy, enjoy , enjoy.