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Sunday, July 27, 2008

Happy 10 month Birthday my baby girl..thinking of her birthmother too

This morning I woke up early at 5:30 am and fed the doggies. I did not want to wake our little princess, Julia, instead I let her sleep in. Well that lasted about another 25 minutes or so. LOL. I think she has a built in alarm clock sometimes that follows her from her normal weekday routine into Saturday and Sunday's when we are home. As I type this at 8:19 am, she is sleep in daddy's arms while they sit on the couch and DH watches Meet-the-Press with the Democratic Presidential candidate.

When Julia first got up this morning she and I went back into our bed and she promptly woke her daddy up by calling "Dada" and hitting him on the back. He rolled over and snuggled with her for a few minutes. I said, "Happy 10th month Birthday Julia". He looked at me and said, "I still sometimes can't believe I am a daddy". So sweet. It is really a blessing that we have her in our lives and she has completed our desire to become parents. All thanks given to her birthmother for making this possible. (And our friend C that put us in contact with Julia's birthmother.)

Speaking of her birthmother, I hope she is doing ok today. I wonder if these little monthly birthday reminders make her hurt (emotionally), or do they make her happy knowing she placed Julia with us? I sure hope it makes her happy. In fact, she has told us she is so lucky to have us in her life to have an open adoption relationship. She always promptly gives us a hug when we see each other in person and always whispers "Thank you" in our ears! That melts my heart. I know we have offered for her to see a counselor, but she has not taken us up on the offer and I don't push it every time we see her. I tell her I am so proud of her and so thankful for her in our lives and we can't wait until the next time we see her and her two kiddo's. (J's half birthsister and birthbrother.). I don't have a direct way to get in contact with H so we have to go through mutual friends to get a gathering set up. I do know where she lives, but I feel as though I am intruding in on her life if we just drop by. I do keep writing my letters and gathering pictures together to give to her each time we have a "family" meeting. She is always so thankful for them and this last time I gave her the envelope, I did ask her to open it to view the pictures and share them with everyone, but I told her to read the letter later if she rather not read it at that time out loud. She put the letter in her pocket and then sat with J's birthsister and they had a blast looking at the pictures. I usually give them between 15-25 pictures with each of her letters. These average about 1 letter every 3-4 months.

This brings me to a article I read recently on the adoptive Families website. I wanted to share this link with you so you could get a perspective of just a few emotions a birthmother can go through before and after birth.
It is called, "When Birthmoms Get the Blues"

I always think of H and her feelings, especially just after we have all met up in person. I say a prayer that she may feel at peace with her decision to have placed J with us and that she is able to use this peace to boost her self-esteem and keep moving forward no matter how tough it can get. She is busy with her children, but I know she is always thinking of J also.

How have you dealt with your child's birthmother/parents contact and emotions after having adopted? Do you send letters & pictures to the agency? Or do you see them in person and give them the letters and pics then?

this as last week when we went to the zoo. Daddy made her a Build-a-Bear Leopard, but she was fast asleep through the whole thing. LOL

This was a few days ago when she was trying to help me fold clothes. The only way I could keep her from pulling the clothes out of the basket and onto the floor was to put her in there with the clothes. She loved it. Reminds me of when I was a youngster and we used laundry baskets to slide down the 3 story house steps we had. Oh boy, I hope she never tries that in a laundry basket.


Elizabeth said...

Our daughter's birthmother lives in a different state, but we send photos every couple of months and talk on the phone after she receives the photos. I really enjoy these conversations because I know she enjoys hearing how happy Olivia is and knowing she is safe and loved. It also helps from a parenting standpoint because Olivia has three half-birthsisters, and I get to hear from her birthmother about the girls' antics and activities so I know what I can look forward to in a few months. Like, crawling out of the crib, refusing to take naps, etc. LOL!

petunia said...

We send pictures now as often as we like - I definitely will send them after Christmas and after her birthday....The first year it's every three months. I like it because it makes me pick the best digital pics and get them printed. We hold the record for amount of pics sent every time(through the agency)....but I just think it's fair...we get to raise this child the least I can do is send all the best pics even if there are 60-100 in each packet! Yikes!

tubelessstl said...

Thanks elizabeth and petunia. crazy enough that J's birthmother does not have a phone so we can't just call her and chat. I had bought her a cell phone for pay as you go, but she said it got wet and stopped working. Ugh. I already started the pictures for the next letter. I have written the last letter around the setting of the pictures. It was fun to tell the tale of how she is growing and show that in the pics.

Do you get letters back to your children from their birthmother/family?

Zac and Jenny said...

I am a birthmother in a wonderful open adoption. My daughter's parents still send me pictures (17 years after her adoption). Even though we get together and see each other every couple of months, I have always loved receiving the pictures and letters. I pour over them and marvel in how happy everyone is.

Interestly enough, I have kept all the letters and photos in a scrapbook. Last year my birthdaughter came to visit and was surprised to see that I had a scrapbook all about her. She said it really made her realize how much I love her. She said it also made her realize how much her mother loved her... taking time to write me so many details and send so many pictures. She never knew her mom did that.

In my opinion, open adoption is such a wonderful opportunity for all three people involved(birthmother, child and adoptive parents).

You're welcome to read my open adoption story at: