another funny keyword search that hit my blog

pregnant burping


I will leave it at that. No, not me pg burping, but someone searched the www and found those words on my blogity good entries. LOL

weekends are too short

I so wish the USA had a 4 day a week work week and 3 day weekend. LOL, Long wish that will never happen I am sure. I wish I had a maid to do laundry and clean house because that is time taken out of our lives that I can't enjoy with FUN things to do. No, laundry is NOT FUN and if you say it is, you need some serious help. It is a chore and I should get paid to do it. Yes, paid to do my own laundry. Instead, I wish I were out being able to enjoy my DH and I together instead of dusting, sweeping the hair of 3 furdoggies and one furkitty. Etc for all jobs related to our home. Ha.


Well, after searching on the internet for adoption grant resources, I came up with 2 to apply for so far. But funny thing is I can't do one of them yet (other is signed sealed and delivered via the net) because I need to print the application out on legal sized paper. Heck, I don't have any of that. Looks like Office Depottt will be the first stop on my way home from work tomorrow for a ream of legal sized paper. Hahahaha.

I will say my prayers (ok, prayers done for tonight) and hope and pray that the grants applied for will help us in some way, shape or form.

Yard sale details. I am accepting donations of items of used value to put into our yard sale on April 22nd(email me at twogoots at yahoo dot come if you might have an item to donate for the cause) for the purpose of fundraising the Legal team fees of our adoption(1500.00) and then to cover at least 4-6 weeks of work pay because my employer does not have an PAID leave for employees adopting. Sure I get leave, I can take up to 12 weeks off via FMLA, BUT THEY WON'T PAY ME FOR ANY OF THAT. I must either take the time off at placement WITHOUT PAY until I am ready to return back to work(minimum of 6 weeks) or vacation time. I make ok monies at my job, but remember we have gone through 6.5 years of out of pocket expenses to try and have a biological child through IF treatments(hence the title of my blog here, tubeless=ivf). Oh, I am saving 3 weeks of vacation time at the least so I can get paid for a few days off work, but I can't carry that over into 2006 so I must use it this year or lose it. So if we have to wait until early 2007 to be matched and then placed, I have to use up my current vacation b4 Dec 31st.

So our adoption costs are unfolding like this.

so far we have put out 3060.00 for the following two lists:

300.00 application fee
1500.00 contract fee
500.00 first part of home study
500.00 final part of home study

approx $260.00 for the following:
finger prints, copies of both of our birth certificates(certfied), marriage lic(certified copy), physicals(copays), plus profile print copies from your neighborhood kinko's.

It is adding up, but so glad our agency does not require more up front.

Amen to that.

Thanks for reading and sorry if it sounds like I am being a begger for funding, but I think a yard sale is a good way for spring cleaning.

Oh, btw, every time I get home and have money in my pocket, I put some of it in the piggy bank... change or dollars or even some 5 dollar bills. At the end of this month I will open it up and tell you how much I was able to put in there without thinking about it. You know, you addicted Starbucks people, just think about how much you spend on that morning boost, I bet it adds up, so when I have that extra change in my pocket/wallet from my morning addictions too, I put them in the piggy bank when I get home.

Ok, enough rambling.. Off to bed to dream of some more fundraising ideas.

What a rush

when good things happen to you and it sometimes takes a while to sink in, but don't you just love that RUSH of a good feeling that comes out of that sinking in phase? I do.

Today I was going through our finalized home study paperwork (I picked up from the agency last night) and realized that we have been looked at as a "Family" ready to adopt a baby and highly recommended to the governing party that will hopefully approve us in the courts of law when the time comes. The Social worker was very thorough and came to a conclusion that we, "best friends" for over 15 years, are a happily married couple that is "worthy" of adoption and can welcome a child into our homes with much love and happiness to share. I know, that all sounds like puppy love talk, but that is how it is spelled out in laymans terms.

I feel good.

I feel ready to be a mom.

I am scared, don't get me wrong, but man it is a joyous scared, giddy scared.

DH mentioned to me today (while he was at jury duty) that he got several very positive responses from others that asked him if we had any children and he responded with "we are in the waiting period of adopting." I love seeing him excited that others are excited for us. all of them had very supportive things to say and wished us much luck.

Is it that, Luck? Well, I see it this way, DH and I will be so lucky to one day be chosen by a potential birthfamily to welcome their child into our hearts and home. LUCKY indeed. I feel lucky that I will be able to share my craft hobbies, love for the outdoors, love of animals and love of learning about life and living it up with fun times.

We strive for so many things in our lives and becoming parents is our ultimate goal. I can't wait to get down on the floor activity mat with our child and teach them how to extent their arm out and grasp for that one enticing toy that hangs from the activity gym rack. That one that has the brilliant colors and jingles as the gym rack sustains the tug of a tiny little arms and hand and fingers. I can't wait for that moment I can walk into a room and our child will reach his or her arms out for MOMMY. I can't wait for daddy to blow raspberries on his or her belly and make them giggle so softly. I can't wait to watch our child take their first nap so I can watch them sleep soundly. Chest rising with each breath, eyes in deep sleep REM and their sweet little lips pursing the air for a suck of a nuk.

I can finally dream of these things and know they will become reality.

Now if I can only get myself to sleep more than 2 hours stretches, I can then begin to enjoy long sweet dreams. Sure, I know there will be a worrisome dream thrown in there about him or her, but I can take that worry and plot out what I feel will be a possible solution. I won't always have answers to things that happen in our lives with a child in active stature in our house, but I can sure try like hell and enjoy every moment to make it better each day.

Now onto praying and hoping that potential birthmothers come soon and that they can find us in their hearts and lives soon.

Prayers go to the Pearlstone family(death ment)

Matthew Pearlstone was found dead in a dorm room in VA. Matthew is the son of the my (I last saw him for IVF in fall 2004)Reproductive Endocrinologist Dr. Anthony Pearlstone. I am so sad for his family. I remember seeing Matthews exact picture on the doc's shelf in his office. I am heartbroken that Dr. P has lost his son when he is the man that is in the medical field to help other couples / women/ etc. make their families through infertility treatments. Wow. How crazy is that. I am sorry they lost their son. I know the office staff said Dr. P is a dedicated Family man and I can't imagine what it is like to lose a child(although I have lost many pregnanices, this is incomprehensible to me).

I am going to send a sympathy card to the office with a donation to Matthews fund.

My prayers go out to their family.

I love getting these calls

about 2:30 today I got a "Local" number call on my phone, now when I get these I always jump because it could be work, family, friends or even better yet, it can be the Adoption agency... YOU BET IT WAS the adoption agency calling. YIPPPEEE> Our finger prints came back and were ok(better have been!) and we are now approved and finalized for our homestudy. WOOHOOO. I go tomorrow to drop off the $500 check and then pick up the home study packet that is finalized. Ahhhhhhh. MAJOR sigh of relief. What a huge hurdle.

So as the time line goes...

We applied to this agency on January 25th 2006 and today, March 21st 2006 we are officailly Waiting to be presented to a potential birthfamily/mother.

Ok, off to bed to dream of the good things ahead of us.


btw, Infertility rears its head, I am O'ing and my body feels like I have 4 bowling balls in my abdomen. Mean body.. mean. What a tease to ovulate and not be able to have fun with DH to make a baby. Dang it.

I did not need to hear that

I was told by a fellow perspective adoptive friend that the wait at our agency might be as long as 18 months for an infant. WTF?! I am seriously thinking that if our wait for an infant is that long, i will have gone crazy in the time we would wait. I am scared to face a long wait like that. With domestic adoption, there is not telling how lnog the wait will be, but 18 months is on the long end of the wait time from what I have been told. Yikes.

I want to be able to remain confident that we will manage our lives ok with the wait time, no matter how long it takes. I am just scared we will be too anxious like we have already done with the fixing up of the nursey as noted below. I mean, did I jinx ourselves by doing this so quickly? Did we set ourselves up for being disappointed? Who knows, only time will tell of course. I know we have things to keep us busy and focused in the next month .... waiting for our finger prints to come back and then hopefully the OK that our home study is done and passed with approval, then we start our adoptive parenting classes the first thursday in APril for 5 weeks. So that will keep us busy. I am just anxious, nervous, scared, excited all bundled up in this body of mine and DH is feeling the same way.

We did say maybe we need to talk to the agency owner to calm our fears. I will try and email her this week to check on how things are going and if she heard back about our finger prints yet. 3.5 weeks since they were mailed off? or was it 2.5? I think it was 2.5 today. Hmmm. LOL. overly anxious, you bet!

camping was great this weekend. Chilly, but that is what a camp fire is for. Sure, we have a camping trailor so it is nice to sleep in, but we do spend lots of time outdoors enjoying the nature. Did you realize we have a camping site in the Greater Metropolitian area? Sure do, Babler State Park on the outskirts of Wildwood MO by Chesterfield MO. Beautiful park, great walking paths.. can't beat it. Sure, it might not be far for you, but for me, the city dweller, it is like being in the Country to me. That is a great place to go and actully be close enough to work so I don't have to take a full day of vacation time.

Speaking of vacation time.... I don't get paid leave for when we are placed with a baby from adoption. Nope. Dang it. So I am on the war path for fund raising. Might you have some fund raising ideas you can share with me? I am having a yard sale and am looking for donations of items so post to me here if you know of kids toys or items that might not be of use to you anymore, but you might consider donating our way. I am not a begger, but man this is hard to come up with at least 6 weeks of money to cover my pay at work. I would actually love to stay home 8 weeks if possible. I can take up to 12 weeks off work by FMLA, but it is not paid and my work is not willing to budge on that one. They'd cover me for 8 weeks if I had or would give birth physically, but since I won't give birth when adopting(hello, I can't have my own child physically), I won't get paid. We have funds, but most of them are being dedicated to the cost of the adoption process so I have to find creative ways to raise funds to at least have in the bank as extra to cover my income for those 6-8 weeks I will be at home bonding with our baby hopefully.

Any fundraising ideas would be so helpful.

thanks.

you all better behave

dh and I are busy this weekend with the doogies so you all better behave.

HAPPY ST. PAT'S DAY.

so the main point of my story is....

Trying to address the Frozen embryo issue with DH is like a ticking time bomb. He says I am obsessed with this one frozen embryo we have. He said I need to "Forget" about it. I was livid. I will not NOT NOT forget about our embie in the freezer and WILL NEVER forget about it. NEVER. I agreed that I will not focus on it all the time, but I will not leave the idea of surrogacy alone. Why surrogacy? Well I am going to have to have a hysterectomy because I have been bleeding for 21 straight days now. It is obvious to me that "I" can't do any more fertility treatments and I have to learn how to grieve that loss in my own way, but to tell me I need to FORGET about our embie, no way. He said to at least stop talking about it every other day. I told him I have not talked about it in about 4 weeks due to the bleeding issues. He then agreed I was right. MEN... MEN.. MEN.

LOL

Ok, back to the focus on the adoption front. I am going to the library this next week to loan out some books on adoption and the baby's first year. Any suggestions on the baby's first year books?

btw, look at What dh did in the nursery tonight.. decals on fan and this view

I also scored this on craigslist

the yucky 24 hour bug stinks...

After the home study I fell ill. Man, the 24 hour tummy bug sure sucks. Ugh. I had to cancel on 2 friends and I hate that. Sorry Pam! DH came down with it tonight. MIL came down with it today and said it was the worst she has felt in ages. What gives? Is it something in the water, air, food? Yuck. Glad I have a good hand held game in the loo.

Adoptive Families mag came in this weekend. Yeah. I love this mag. It is very informative and has so many good tips and articles to put my worries at ease. I especially love the ages section they do. I saw DH glance at it too. sweet.

I am getting a John Lennon High chair off of craigslist. Thanks Mel for the link to it. Great deal and she said it was in great shape so I will go pick it up Tuesday night after work. Fun.

Oh, btw, The social worker liked the nursery! Ahhh, it is nice to have something positive to look at. I actually went in there the other night and sat in the rocking chair for about 5 minutes looking around at the crib and newly painted walls and border we put up. I love it. It is a huge step in the right direction for us to have done. Never in the 6.5 years of Infertility would I have even given a nursery a thought, well we did once when pg with the twins in 2003, but that was for a brief few weeks sadly.

Oh, I have heard that BabiesRus is doing an adoption event sometime in APril. I will post details when I get them..Nice. I sure wonder if there were enough people that biotched about the lack of concern for perspective adoptive families or what?! Maybe it was a person that worked in corperate offices that decided they had to approach BBRU for this event. Nice! THanks to whomever it was or however it came about. More on this when I find out details. I will post them here of course.

stay tuned

we so needed this

part 2 of the home study is DONE. Yeah. Our home is nice and spotless, well except for the neverending dog hair. But it was good that we had this in home visit of the home study because we so needed to clean this house. LOL

The visit lasted just over an hour. The dogs loved her and would not stop bugging her. I hope that is not a bad thing. LOL She has a big dog so she seemed ok with them. But we have 3 dogs. LOL

OK, off to get lunch and relax for a few hours.

is anyone up for margaritaville?

I am serious.. I so need a moment out right now.

anyone? ok, if not this Saturday night(only night available for a drink) then maybe in 2 weekends? Girls night out?

Anyone?

take out the plumbing before adoption?

I can't stress to you enough that going through a box of 40 tampons in 3 days time is ridiculous. I started taking yasmin bcp's for prep to the adoptive breastfeeding protocol a week ago this past Thursday. Well, that makes today day # 12 of solid bleeding and it is because of the bcp's. I can't tolerate them. If you have been blessed with very simple menstrual periods(AF), bless you and I envy you. I have a uterus that is deemed EVIL and has proven to not be worth crap as far as being able to carry a pregancy to viability ........ so after stopping the bcp's now, I get to deal with my AF another 2 weeks longer in addition to the 12 days I am already bleeding. Sorry TMI TMI, I know, but it is my daily dealings lately and I just need to vent about this.

So the pending question is... Should I put adoption on hold in order to book the doc to take out my uterus?

My uterus is useless, I can't carry a baby, it causes me to have 14 day long AF's usually and POOR DH is deprived because I have no libido. LOL

BUT again, should I put the adoption on hold or just proceed with it although I will need to take about 4-5 weeks off work paid medical leave to have my PARTIAL hysterectomy? (I will leave in the ovaries because I refuse to go through menopause at 36 years of age. I can tolerate going back into surgery in about 10 years or so if they ovaries need to come out.

I know this is a decision DH and I will need to make together, but I wanted your thoughts on this subject too. Sure, I will always feel robbed of one of the major functions I was born to do, conceive and give birth, but I will deal with that in counseling.

I keep telling myself, I want to be a mommy more than anything now and I just need to let the sad days of IF roll behind me, never to be forgotten oh no, but in order to put the IF behind me I need to take out parts of the plumbing too.

What happens if I am on medical leave and we get a call from the adoption agency (say post 2 weeks from surgery) that they have a newborn for us. What would I do? I know my mom would be able to help as well as DH taking time off work paid, but wow, I just know that would be my luck. LOL Maybe that is a good thing and I should just go forward with the hysterectomy? Hummmmm



let me know what you think.

peek again if you wish....

next step of the NURSERY

And MORE

Today I booked our In Home Home study for a week from tomorrow. FUN. Now I have to REALLY clean house. LOL

My only insecurity of this home study visit in house is having dogs! Can anyone calm my worried that the social worker will NOT mark us down as NOT being eligible for adopting if we have dogs in this house?