Take a peek

from this


to this so far


I will post more later this week of the border and curtains.

These colors coordinagte with the crib pattern we both wanted 3 years ago when we were pregnant with twins. The pattern was discontinued and we had to buy it off ebay, but it is what we both wanted in colors and we can't wait to go pick up the furniture from family friends(this is a crib and dresser my sister is passing down to us that friends have for now).

I know, seems we are jumping fast at decorating a nursery, but believe me, it is a focus we both have right now and after so much heartache over the last few years, we finally have a POSITIVE focus on things.

I got my fingerprints done so I am mailing them off with Dh's prints to the state tomorrow with our 28.00 fees to go with them. I sure hope they go quick. How long does it take when you mail them out?

costs so far: 300-application, 1500-contract, 500-fist part of home study, 90-profile prints, 40-profile software, 7-profile folders, 28-fingerprints to state, 3&4 bucks for fingerprint processing, around 90 for crib/nursery things, 120 for paint/fan/etc nursery, I know there is more, like adoptive families mag(24 bucks?), birth certificates-24 bucks or so, marriage lic-12 bucks. I will make a spreadsheet tomorrow of our costs. I want to track these things. LOL

I have to call for a doc appointment for my physical.

I am so lucky to have so many things to look forward to.

AF (cycle day 5) was very very mean to me so much so that I stayed home today. I could not leave the bathroom for 20 minutes throughout the day. I so stood in the bathroom mirror this AM and cried my eyes out over contemplating setting up a hysterectomy. I hate it. BUT thank goodness I have such other positive things to look forward to. Like our support group meeting coming up. My book club book. Etc..

I won't let AF defeat me!

tooth brush and windex

if only you could have seen DH and I working so hard today TOGETHER in the same room. The future Nursery of our baby. That is where we were today. Cleaned out the junk(now I have to sort that out in the basement rooms) and dusted, removed old border, used a tooth brush to clean the base board trim, used windex to clean the window ledges, and yet still more to do.

Went to lowes tonight to buy the moss green bottom room wall paint and a pale yellow to go above the border(john lennon real love).

I called my mom tonight and asked her what she is doing tomorrow afternoon, she said "Not much, why?" I invited her to come paint with us... She was giddy with giggles. LOL This woman is more excited that DH and I put together. LMAO I love it.

Maybe we can take a few pictures of us painting. I did get a few pictures today of us cleaning out the room and DH ripping off the old border.

We bought a white ceiling fan to put in the nursery. DH found a fan online that was decorated with John Lennon Real Love decals and wanted to buy it, but I talked him into buying the fan from lowes and then I would buy the decals off ebay and put them on there myself. He agreed and actually went to ebay himself and found the decals and bought them too! LOL Gung-ho.

Anti-social Non-Mardi Gras goers here! Just happy nursery preppin' fools instead

skating to our next step

We have skated past our first home study visit. In office social worker sit down interview/gab session for 1.5 hours. It was actually fun. She is so warming, so welcoming and reassuring that we are doing well with our paperchase and she LOVED our profile. She will review our letter once more and if we need to change anything she will call us.

Now to find an infant cpr option. Long story there.

Next on the agenda:

1) book physical and get TB test
2) get employer letter of employment verification
3) get fingerprints done and send to Jeff City.
4) get last letter of reference(4 of 5 collected and turned in now)
5) have a margarita! *yup, I can do that! neener neener neener*
6) I forget. LOL

What a great day. I was so not nervous going into this home study visit. Nice.

Oh, btw, all those people that told us to be prepped for at least 1 inch thick paperwork stack to fill out when the home study starts, YOU ARE SO WRONG. My agency said it is crazy that some agencies have you fill out all of that paperwork. It really replaces what she can do as a social worker and can feel out in an interview in person. So... no stacks of inches of paperwork to fill out. We are virtually done with the paperwork.

In all reality, we could be ready to be shown to potential birthmothers in a matter of 6 weeks from now. (depending how long the fingerprints take to get back approved!)

WOW. that is only weeks away. SWEET.

Oh, the adoption parenting classes start the first Thursday in April.


YEAH!

Thank God For Kids... kenny chesney

I REALLY HOPE I CAN SING THIS TO OUR Forever CHILD in the near future while I cuddle him or her while rocking them in their nursery at our home.


If it weren't for kids have you ever thought
There wouldn't be no Santa Clause
Look what the store just brought
Thank God for Kids

We'd all live in a quiet house
Without Big Bird or a Mickey Mouse
And Kool-aid on the couch
Thank God for Kids

Thank God for kids there's magic for a while
A special kind of sunshine in a smile
Do you ever stop to think? or wonder why?
The dearest thing to Heaven is a child

Daddy how does this thing fly?
A hundred other where's and why's
You really don't know but we try
Thank God for Kids

When you look down in those trustin eyes
That look to you, you realize
Its love that you can't buy
Thank God for Kids

Thank God for there's magic for a while
A special kind of sunshine in a smile
Do you ever stop to think? or wonder why?
The dearest thing to Heaven is a child

When you get down on your knees tonight
To thank the Lord for his guiding light
And pray they turn out right
Thank God for Kids

hail, print shop, kinkos, branson

I so wish I had the energy to post about these things, but the last item in the subject is my concern now.. A RETAIL THERAPY SHOPPING TRIP TO BRANSON. NO MEN! Just girlfriends! Meeting up with cyber friends is going to be a blast. YEAH.

Branson here I come.

Stay tuned to the weekend to hear my "HAIL, PRINT SHOP, KINKOS" updates. LOL I promise I will write about those later and I will have an upate to that list below. LOL

RETAIL THERAPY HERE I COME>

check list revisions

1) finish revisions on birthparent(s) letter

2) finish print shop photo profile of 8-10 pages

3) book our home study

4) CLEAN THE HOUSE(no, really, you don't understand. I know many say to not worry about the home study cleaning of the house, but if you knew me in person and have been to my house, I have that FORBIDDEN room in my house that is off limits .. even to my DH!)

5) order the birth certificates for myself (dh is responsible for his)

6) find out when we need to get finger prints done and where

7) clean

8) Oh, did I mention, CLEAN THE ROOM

9) order a certified copy or two of our marriage license

10) take a deep breath

11) eat some of DH's home made chicken and dumplins

12) clean that room

13) (my fav # btw) get clinic records on our pets stating they are healthy and up to date on shots(wait, is this necessary with domestic adoption? I guess when we get the home study packet we will know for sure).

14) 1 2 3 4 5 reference letters

yank it

my tooth that is !!!!!!!!!

I have to search for an orthdontist to do my root canal. Yuck.

So much for saving for the adoption process.. Even with insurance it is going to cost about 385.00 out of pocket to root canal it and put a post in it for a future cap.

I won't get caught up

The bloggin' world is one that is unique to many ideas, ways, customs etc for journaling your thoughts and anything you wish to talk about(literally)... Well I read a bunch of blogs that contain infertility related happenings, and more so now than anything I read blogs that pertain to adoption. Whether it be international adoption or domestic, they all give me hope on the most part to keep chugging along because we will reach our ultimate goal of becoming parents more so than keeping on with fertility treatments (with a less than 20% chance of ever carrying a viable pregnancy to term with this faulty uterus of mine, I was born with a complete fundal to cervix septum that was removed in 5 surgeries and I still can't carry to viability).

Why am I talking about blogs? Well, recently I have found that many in the blogging community I read have been at odds and it is really sad from my point of view. Sure, you have the right to SAY whatever you want, but repercussions of words can have a lasting profound effect (or is that affect?) on others in your community. The inevitable lost friendships can happen if you rub another blogger the wrong way. Ouch. I tend to refrain from being involved for the most part when these prickly rubbings happen. Thank goodness I can just step away from it all. I like to just come here and just down my thoughts and feelings. I don't like to "RAG" on other bloggers per say, but sometimes the hurtfulness they find in themselves to go out and poke and prod others is just gut wrenching when it happens.

I am a reserve person to an extend and with stepping into the realm of the bloggin' atmosphere, I have learned quickly how to keep saying "I won't get caught up in that fiasco I just read about". Sure, I read about those sticky situations, but I tend to keep my bloggin' mouth shut because I am not one that likes to offend or get offended. I feel for those that were hurt by words said from the mouths or typed words of others that dig into the heart, but I try and remind myself that I have enough stress over other things in my life that I just can't let the bloggin' world upset me like it has to some others.

One word of advice, STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER if it so hurtful for you to be involved with such hate and ignorant words flung over the cyber waves. It is so not worth the mindfuck and heartaches.

I am so glad I have a distraction these days...... One step closer each day to our family growing through the wonderful blessing by adoption.


Mood today: panicky to get this Picture profile done this weekend(time is quickly running out)

Music: Greatest hits by The Fixx

Also listening to DH snore!(btw, dh is going in to do a sleep study this week! YEAH VICTORY on my part as I counted that he stopped breathing 4 times in a 45 minute period the other night while he slept on the couch and I was sitting here at the computer! I think he finally got the hint to go do the sleep study after I told him that. I mean I counted to at least 10 seconds each time he stopped breathing. I think that is quite serious!)

check list!

well, things are rolling along, here are a few updates...
(btw, I got my crib bedding in the other night ... so cute and we really like it because we can use it as gender neutral, YEAH!)


1) finish revisions on birthparent(s) letter

2) finish print shop photo profile of 8-10 pages

3) book our home study

4) CLEAN THE HOUSE(no, really, you don't understand. I know many say to not worry about the home study cleaning of the house, but if you knew me in person and have been to my house, I have that FORBIDDEN room in my house that is off limits .. even to my DH!)

5) order the birth certificates for myself (dh is responsible for his)

6) find out when we need to get finger prints done and where

7) clean

8) Oh, did I mention, CLEAN THE ROOM

9) order a certified copy or two of our marriage license

10) take a deep breath

11)eat some of DH's home made chicken and dumplins

12) clean that room

13) (my fav # btw) get clinic records on our pets stating they are healthy and up to date on shots(wait, is this necessary with domestic adoption? I guess when we get the home study packet we will know for sure).

breaking ground this week

ummmm, kicking it in high gear.. this is my check list for the next few days....


1) finish revisions on birthparent(s) letter

2) finish print shop photo profile of 8-10 pages

3) book our home study

4) CLEAN THE HOUSE(no, really, you don't understand. I know many say to not worry about the home study cleaning of the house, but if you knew me in person and have been to my house, I have that FORBIDDEN room in my house that is off limits .. even to my DH!)

5) order the birth certificates for myself (dh is responsible for his)

6) find out when we need to get finger prints done and where

7) clean

8) Oh, did I mention, CLEAN THE ROOM

9) order a certified copy or two of our marriage license.

10) take a deep breath

11) eat some of DH's home made chicken and dumplins

12) clean that room

13) (my fav # btw) get clinic records on our pets stating they are healthy and up to date on shots(wait, is this necessary with domestic adoption? I guess when we get the home study packet we will know for sure).

ahhhhhhhh, I am sure I will find more #'s to add to this list later.


That is it for today.

although I city dwell......

I still love walking out onto the deck on a chilly winter night, while letting the pups outside, and enjoying the smell of a wood burning stove from neighbors houses. When I was growing up, my parents always had a wood burning stove in the house. It was so warm on that floor, 2nd story of a 3 story brick house in the City(historic Shaw Neighborhood). We would get a load of wood from the Muny Parking lot (city gave wood away for free in huge pieces every other week. You come pick it up and chop it for FREE. So my brother would use the axe and chisel and break the wood apart. He even got smart one year and borrowed a gas powered splicer. We had lots of wood that winter to use and boy was it warm.

I am a lover of a nice warm stove. I so wish we had a fire place in our house. WOod burning that is. I know gas fire places are nice, but the smell and warmth of a wood burner can't be beat.

The Pot Belly Stove is a missed item in my life today. In order to get my fix.. I make a nice camp fire when camping!!!!

one letter down

and a profile to go and then it is time to call for setting up our home study and cleaning the back bedroom and 2 basement rooms so we can get the nursery going.

Ahhhh.

Let me tell you, I found it hard in a way to sit down and write a letter about ourselves. Both dh and I worked on this letter. I wrote many paragraphs and I had him help edit and get it ready to print. I will go back over it tomorrow and then on Monday contact the agency to drop it off for her suggestions and edits.

Now to learn how to use Print Shop for building our profile.

I have lots of good online photos to use, but i think I need to go through the photo albums and then go to the local cornerwalgreens and copy a few to use from the older days before a digital camera. LOL... Now that I have a digital camera(as does dh) we don't tend to print ANY Pictures out anymore. NONE. THey are all just online and soon to be moved to a dvdr disk for safe keeping.

off to bed

brain fart or rather bloggersblock

I have written 3/4 of 3 different posts tonight and have saved them all as drafts because they just make no sense to me. Total brain fart on what I wanted to blog about tonight. Go figure. Just when I had thought of a good topic to discuss tonight on the way home from the adoptoinsupport group meeting I have been flashed with bloggerblock. Meaning I can't remember what to blog about. WTF? Is this a new syndrome? Have I been attacked by the big blogger evil writers block?

I do this jabbering in this blog to entertain me, but I also love to help others.. so help me figure out a good way to Unleash this bloggerblock.

LOL

I am making no sense.

Work has me in a whirlwind right now and I am managing to keep my head afloat so maybe that is causing the confusion and bloggersblock? no?

what might it be?

I started the letter

I know I am not PC on adoption lingo so don't knock me.

DH started a version of what he would want to put in the Dear Birthmother(dbm) letter(yes, it should say Dear Birth Parent, No, I am not PC). I then started what I felt should be the opening line / statement of our DBM letter. So how do we compromise? How do we agree on what, or rather who, should get the say so on the text of the letter? I am not a creative writer by any means, I even find it hard to properly word some of my blog posts. I need to drop my guard and trust DH to say it in his words and then I can agree to disagree on some things if necessary, right? Our adoption agency gave a list of suggestions so tomorrow after the support group meeting for adoption I will get DH to sit down and start heavy duty on the letter again. I will then go to Samswholesaleclubforhoosiers in maplewood and buy the software for starting our profile. I am so nervous on what pictures to put in there. BUT, I know once I start on the program and get a page or two done I will be blistering hot to keep truckin' on the next and next pages.. etc.

I can't thank you all enough for posting to me on the previous post about starting a budget. I sat down tonight and told DH what estimated costs were for day care, diapers, formula(I will try adoptive breastfeeding, more on that later), and food... etc. He was pleased that I had done the research. We are fit with our current budget to have at least the diapers, formula, wipes, etc... covered by what we have been putting in the savings now on one of each 2 pay dates in a month. It is nice to know we have this covered already and can show that on a budget sheet for the home study soon to come.

We will be blessed by not having a huge expense for day care. My mom is insisting on watching our baby when I have to go back to work. yes, I do have to go back. We have put so much money out of pocket (by choice) for the last 6.5 years in hopes to have had a baby by pregnancy and now have to pay for that by being a 2 income household. Which means both DH and I working a full time job each. I would love nothing more than to stay at home and maybe I can find a job that might accommodate that after our baby is placed with us, but for now I need my works benefits prior to placement for health, dental and vision. If I could find a night job working from home or more money with less hours then I would be in great shape. Yes, more money and less hours! hahahaha.. I know I am dreaming, but I can dream and sometimes I have the luck of that becoming reality. I would love to do data entry from home on the pc, but I will have to see what I can find. I thought about taking telecourses for medical transcription, but I don't have the extra funds for schooling right now, maybe in a year or two. I will still cherish my time with our child not matter doing my 40 hour a week job. My mom did it with us kids as well as my dad and we were no worse for the wear in everyday life.

I can't wait until we can take our baby camping for the first time. I can't wait to bring a blanket home from the baby to introduce the scent of the baby to the dogs and cat in the house. I can't wait until we can click that baby car seat in the vehicle for the first time with our baby in it! and I can't wait until I have the first spit up the shoulder of my shirt and down my back and even in my hair. I know, call me crazy, but after so many heartbreaking losses of our pregnancies, I care to have these things to cherish.


I am inspired by my DH to keep the positive attitude through this. Thank you hun. You make me remember that life is about love and I tend to not show that enough to you.