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Friday, January 27, 2006

open, but how far open?

that is one question we have been asked about adoption several times now.. how open are we willing to be with the probable birth parents of our future children.

Good question, Yet so private of one at the same time.

DH and I are discussing this off and on. We have a decions, but ever time I read online about someone that has NOT been open I bring this up to dh and ask him about how he feels about it. Every family will have a different opinion on this! I respect that.

My idea of open varies. It could be as open as meeting the birthmom/family in person after the birth maybe once or twice a year in person with pictures and letters for updates. Or as little contact as just a letter and pictures every few months via the agency. This is really up to the discussion between DH, myself, and the birthmom/father/family when the time comes.

I can't predict what will happen. DH is fully ok with open as far as meeting the bm/bf in person before and after the birth. He also agrees with 2 visits a year maybe or more in person after the birth.

I have more on this subject, but I have to go to work,. Ugh.

stay tuned.

8 comments:

Pitypat said...

We are so going to play this one by ear - i'm thinking we'll just cross the bridge when we come to it. So far we ahve said all we will do is send pics once a year....but i guess it's up to the situation if we want more. You know i had NO contact and I never talked about it with my mom and dad. I wasn't scarred and it's better that i didn't know them growing up. I don't think i could have handled it - and i think i would not be the person i am today....
That's one thing i'm a little nervous about.

Mich said...

Hi there--I found your comment on PityPat's blog, and linked myself here. Our experience in open adoption has been wonderful thus far.....but we are only 6 months into it. Things are just really good right now all around, so I'm kind of in a Pollyanna state of mind....

Mich said...

Hi there--I found you on pitypat's blog and linked myself here. We were exactly where you were a year ago this month..interviewing agencies, signing up, getting our profile together, wondering about what kind of adoption we'd go for, wondering how we'd pay for it all...and a year later I'm typing this as the Babe sleeps soundly in the next room (done up in Gossamer Wings from Babies R Us)....I wish you well on your journey!

Mich said...

Ok, I'm a little slow. I posted one comment, didn't see it, thought it was a goner, then posted again. Then saw the "blogger approval" message. So now here's the comment explaining the other two. Really, I'm usually much more astute....

Becky said...

I'm going to go to the OBGYN to get my first tests done, as to seeing if I'm fertile or not, and I am so nervous.... I've been trying for over a year to get pregnant and fear they're gonna tell me, you're not fertile! My sister had lupus and a syst on her ovary... I fear it may happen to me too. Sorry for being so depressing.

Good luck with adoption though! Hope you have a great weekend!

tubelessstl said...

pitypat, glad you posted. I was wondering how you went through this growing up.

You know I am pulling for you to get good news soon! I would love to see your profile one day.

tubelessstl said...

mich, thanks for stopping by. Having mailed in the application this week really makes me wake up to the fact that WE WILL BE PARENTS SOON. It is a nice feeling after all the heartaches of infertility.

Btw, I went to a moderated comment posting now due to the fact I can't just log into my site from work (don't want to share this site with them). So when you all post, it comes to my email first then I can approve it and view it. LOL Sorry it made you double/triple post. Nice blog btw!

tubelessstl said...

becky,

if there is any questions you have, please post to me anytime. I will be glad to chat with you. Best of luck to you and I hope you get an easy answer and great results soon. IF is hard but many do have success.