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Wednesday, January 04, 2006

the doc can't stop me now

After a disappointing doctor visit yesterday, DH and I have decided today to move onto adoptoin with FULL FOCUS.

The visit to the RE(reproductive doc) was not what we had wished for... meaning more LIMBO.... one answer we did get that we expected was that the miscarriage tissue sent to the lab came back contaminated thus inconclusive results. No way to tell if the fetus I mis carried was healthy or not. But I feel it was a healthy baby growing in there. I did not need test results to tell me that. I just knew in my heart it was my body that could not keep the baby in there.

Other things brought up are that the RE did not think my uterus (born with a uterin septum that has been removed in several surgeries) was the cause of the miscarriage. I was stunned as well as dh was too. I just know my body too well and that my uterus thinks of the embryo's as a foreigh object and rejects it after a certain period of time. No, I have not tested + for any immune issues except for MTHFR(c mutation only heterozygous) but that my uterus just can't handle a pregnancy. He kept trying to blame our problems on DH's sperm. Bullshit. He has tested clear of any problems possible.

The one thing the RE, DH and I all agreed on was that Surrogacy was the best option for us to try to conceive with our own biological embryo's. So here we sit.

Out of options due to money. Our money focus has to be on the BEST options now and that is agreed on by us both that Adoption is that one sure bet to become parents. I told DH tonight that I can't go through the torture of waiting to save up the mondy for surrogacy and NOT proceed with adoption. I told him I want to see him holding our child and I am 100% sure that our first child will be placed in his arms and our hearts through adoption.

Maybe one day in the future we can find a way to pay for surrogacy to be able to take our frozen embie out of suspension and put it back into a womb that is not so hostile towards it. I will continue to do research to find out how much the legal fees are for surrogacy through a lawyer. How much a cycle would totally cost because we would most likely retrieve my eggs and make more embryo's. etc... Cost is a factor, but emotional play and physical play on me and DH are just not worth the heartaches with something that does not give us a guarantee to become parents like adoption.

Ok, onto the march for our first child. Adoption is in my heart and has me happy.

I am so happy to know we can move forward now.

AMEN! Just to think that a child is out there to be born to us one day. WOW

2 comments:

JennyK said...

If you're eventually going to be looking at surrogacy, you might want to check out www.simplesurrogacy.com -- their fees vary based on the services you need. You may well be able to find a GS on your own via All About Surrogacy or Surromomsonline. Best of luck to you as you go through all of this...

tubelessstl said...

Thanks Jenny. The cost is really out of our reach at this point in time even if we did have a "volunteer" surrogate that is known. I would have to pay for a new IVF cycle for stimming and retrieving me which could run 7-10,000, then the legal fees for the lawyers papers (do you know how much that costs??? I will research it still). Then we would have to see if the surrogate would have insurance for medical, clothes, etc.. I know in a few years time when we get to the point of considering having a second child after adoption of our first, we will then seek surrogacy as an option. We just need to focus our funds now on adoption as we long to become parents and that is more of a possibility than IVF even with a surrogate. I so appreciate others like you that will be so kind to help out a couple one day that has struggled with infertility like we have. Bless your kind hearts. I hope to find a surrogate as kind as you are one day.