novel part 1

had my fluid US / MET(mock embryo transfer today) and it was not good news.

I have a residual septum that needs to be resected again.. AGAIN.. frick. I am so mad at my body right now I can't see straight. My septum is 2cm thick again from the top of the uterus and needs to come out to give us a better chance of a great implantation area for our FINAL fresh IVF cycle.

I am booked for the in office surgery / hysteroscopy for this coming Friday at 1:15 pm I have to be there at 12:15 and I have to ask my mom to drive me and pick me up. UGH DH said he can't get off work due to projects going on. I gues I will take the whole day again. if not I have to come in early then drive myself back home and then have my mom take me there and back home. Can't drive due to sedation. Ok, this is minor, but yet another set back/disappointment.

BTW, Dr. A walked in for the US and shook my hand and then gave me a "brother" hand shake too. LOL funny guy. He was sorry we have to do surgery and was glad I concur with his suggestions to make this uterine cavity of mine the best possible environment for our next try.

I then went to my OB/gyn for my annual and showed him the septum picture and agrees that this is a good step forward to go ahead with the surgery. He said it is sure there again and if I felt it was a good idea then go for it to be able to move forward to have a fresh uterine environment for a transfer.

My OB then said he did not mean to intrude, but wanted to know if DH and I had thought about surrogacy with our 3 frozen blasts .... I was glad he said this, but I totally shocked him when I told him it would be an average of 30,000 for the surrogate fee unless I could find a family member to carry for us or a dear friend. I got a good pat on the back from the OB saying he admires the strength DH and I have to move forward! That felt good.

I will try and hold my head up high and move forward knowing we are blessed to have this cycle granted to us.

I went and visited our memorial at the SHARE Angel of Hope where we have a bricked layed in memory of our angels in heaven(THanks to the friends here and in St. Lousi that helped purchase that for us) ... Beautiful breezy day with the sun nice and warm. I sat there and talked to our angels and asked them to please bring us an EARTH angel. I shed some good tears and feel much better now..

Quitting my second job on Tuesday....


Thanks to everyone for being here and understanding the frustrations and tears we shed.


bec

oh to have an angel from heaven come to us to be our surrogate is my dream. Really.. I have had 2 dreams lately and has my sister! Never giving up hope!