Friday Feature or should I say Fitful Friday....

Dear daughter,

This week you turned 16 months old. You are such a hoot 95-99% of the time, the other % of the time, this is what I got when you didn't get your way. Ahhhh, the fitful days ahead of us are already starting to shine through.



Post fitful Friday last week (pic above), this is you hamming it up for the camera again. You smile the biggest cheesiest smile when we say Cheese and point the camera your way.



You are in love with shoes, see:


This week, your favorite phrases or words are "Ut-Oh" if you drop something and then you say "Ouch" if you bump into something, like your head that is too tall to walk under the tv trays now.

You are working so hard on breaking in your two bottom molars. As of today you have 10 teeth and soon to be 12 when those molars come in. This past week you and daddy and mommy have all been battling colds, fevers, tummy issues. Chlortrimazole is the answer for your rashed bum. Balmex burns, aveeno is too icky so chlortrimazole is the best cure. You hate grape flavored medication of any sort.

You lost one of your earrings last week so daddy took the other one out since we can't get one in the hole that you lost your pretty pink flower from. We will get them pierced again, when? I don't know. I won't torture you again trying to put then in ourselves. I just don't know when we will do the ear piercing again. If it is up to daddy, sooner than later. We did buy some screw-back earrings to see if there is less of a risk of not having them come apart and fall out, so we will see.

tomorrow is going to be our first trip to the Magic House. I can't wait.

Happy 16 month birthday week my sweetheart.

well shoot... postponed...

I had to reschedule my sleep study. Bad bad day with stomach issues. ANd again today so I had to reschedule until early February. Oh well.

Ok, Off to tend to my icky stomach.

Please send some healing vibes for this sickly family here in my house. Ahhhhhh

I was thinking of renaming my blog

How about Sleepless In St. Louis? Why, you ask? Well, this is me! Sleepless in St. Louis. So tomorrow I go for my sleep study to help figure out a way to combat my sleeplessness and my restless leg syndrome the doc says I have (I completely agree on the leg issues, let me tell you). I am nervous about the sleep study. Will I sleep? Sure, but how long and how fitful? I have one sleeping pill left and that is going to be used tomorrow night at the doc's recommendation. He wants me to sleep and he said the 10 mg of ambien won't disrupt the sleep study, actually it will help them determine the severity of my sleeplessness and snoring issues.

sure, if/when I lose 70 lbs like I want to, I bet 90% of my snoring will go away, but that still won't fully cure my insomnia. lets hope the doc can figure this all out.

I arrive there tomorrow night at 8 pm. They said that I am to take the sleeping pill at least 1/2 hour before bed time on an empty stomach then they will hook me up to all the monitors. Ha, don't they realize I don't have a bed time? look doc, it is said 12:18 am and I am wide awake on a work weeknight. Frick. I don't read before bed, I do watch tv, but never in bed because DH is in there. I usually force myself to head to the bedroom, lights out and no tv around 12:45 am or 1 am. I lay in bed for another 1/2 hour to 45 minutes before I look at the clock one last time. I have my alarm set for 5:55 am. yes, I have to get up at that time in order to get myself up, dear daughter up, dogs fed, both of us dressed (I shower first. LOL) and then all 3 of us, including hubby head out the door at 7:15-7:20. I start work at 8:30 until 4:30 (soon to be 5 pm, that is another story!) and then repeat the day over. I hate it. yes, I am tired, but not super tired in the morning like falling asleep at the wheel tired.

Naps on the weekend are usually a must. I need to catch up on the weeks lack of sleep.

Ok, off to get in bed a few minutes early. Funny thing about this post is the doc recommended I sleep at least 8 hours the 2 previous nights to my sleep study. HA. That SO did not happen.

Ahhhh, love the beautiful snow. Now the fun tomorrow is to watch and avoid all the idiots on the road on the way to work tomorrow.

OMG.. American Idol was a hoot tonight and watching AIRewind from this past weekend was cool because it was the show from St. Louis when Carrie Underwood and Nikko Smith made it through to Hollywood! Super fun watching those rewinds.

no so much in the bloggity mood when we are all sick

It is Not fun in our house right now, but things will hopefully be better by the end of the weekend. All 3 of us have been passing something around. Dh and J both have little to no voice, couching, runny noses, etc. I have had massive headaches with tummy issues, but I am feeling much better now.

I am home today with J helping her cope with her viral gastroenteritis (diagnosed by the doc on Wednesday afternoon). One of those viral things you just have to let it run its course without taking much in the way of meds to help out. This is my first real test in motherhood with her being this sick (runny nose with teeth coming in is about the extent of the illnesses for her). I feel for her. I can tell she is just not feeling well and wants to cuddle. Thankfully, right now she is transfixed on Yo Gabba Gabba! I have her bottle ready for the afternoon nap and hopefully after I am done updating here, I will be able to get her to close her eyes for a few hour nap. Good luck on that one, right? hehe Hey, at least I am have wishful thinking on her napping.

I don't mind being home with her. She needs help and I'd rather give that than her being at the sitters (her aunt's house) where there are so many other kids to tend to when school lets out in the afternoon. Plus I hear that her cousin (nearly 3 yrs old) also is not feeling well, this cousin is who she spends each day with M-F. I guess J and B passed this illness between each other the last few days. Ahhhh, learning to share is one thing, but sharing colds is another. LOL

Ok, off to go share some Yo Gabba Gabba time with Ms. J.
Hope all of you are feeling well. We will soon!

bargain city is my middle name

The Purple Cow, a childrens resale shop in town, had some SWEET deals yesterday on gymboree and gap outfits(30% off some color tagged items. I also found out they are having a sale starting next weekend. Hummmm, Looks like I'll be filling more of Julia's spring / summer wardrobe.

You can't beat a brand new with tags Gymboree 3 piece Valentines outfit for 12.00, retailed for $54.50. Yes, I am not one that pays much for outfits, but these were too cute to pass up for 12.00. So what if it was the 2007 line, it is good quality clothes and wear very well.

I also got a gap outfit, another 2 piece gymboree outfit and 3 dvd's for Julia there. I didn't spend over 35.00. I usually don't do resale shops, but since yard sale season has not opened up yet for 2009, I was itching for some bargains. ahhhh, satisfied.

Holy crap, I just connected with an old play buddy/grade school friend on facebook. I am so addicted to facebook

A refreshing start to a new year

After yesterday's fiasco of a birthday, I found myself refreshed and ready to fight the fight at work and going into my new docs office for my prep to my sleep study. My doc officially diagnosed me with restless leg syndrome. Well, FINALLY someone listened to my symptoms and got a real understanding that my jitterbug legs are not a nervous tick! There is a reason and cause behind these crazy uncontrollable, painful at times, legs. YEAH. Refreshing to know I was not going crazy. Well, this might be part of the root of my problems sleeping. See, two doctors I had before this dismissed the thought of me having restless leg syndrome. Thank GOSH for this doctor. Go figure, A sleep study doc can diagnose this stuff. Yes, they are qualified. He said that there might be exercises and medications they can help me with after I do my actual overnight sleep study on January 28th. Ahhhhh, I can't wait to see the results of this all. He thinks I might have a mild case of apnea, but the study will show us how mild. I only have 4 days of ambien left and he said I need to bring one of them with me to the overnight study. Shoot. I guess I need to call back to the GP's office and ask for another 15 days worth to get me through the study date. LOL they might think I am drug seeking, but this insomnia is so bad right now. Monday night, I went to bed at 1:15 am, layed in bed for at least 20 more mintues before I fell sleep and then had a nightmare and was startled awake in my sleep. So very interrupted it is. The doc said there might be other sleep aids I can take to help get past the nightmares. Really? ANyone have this issue with nightmares waking them startled? If so, what do you take to help ease them or get rid of them?

I don't want to drug seek at all. Not my game. But I don't want to fall asleep in my car driving to work or even out for a fun night with dh and our sweet daughter. I need to be able to function at work and this is getting harder to do when I am running on average of 4-.4.5 hrs of sleep a night.

Thanks for a good doc that listened today.

Do you all have insomnia problems? The doc agrees I inherited this from my paternal side of my family. So lucky am I! NOT.

Now to get into the allergist and the dermatologist and the chiropractor. Yes. Good Insurance now without that HUGE HUGE deductible to pay per person and treatments of such things as allergy tests on my skin, etc. Fun.

Thanks for all the Happy Birthday Wishes.

I had to work, but it was ok as I am the only one that can rescue the screw up that happened. So that made me feel needed and giving up the day on my birthday to work instead of play was a big shoulder pat for me *maybe only from me, but hey*!

It started off a but rough. Julia decided to take a tumble off the recliner / rocker we were both sitting in and proceeded to smack her head hard on the living room floor. I picked her up immediately and took her to the changing table and ask I swung around to the table, she vomited all over her, myself and the floor. That freaked me out. Projectile vomitting is not fun, in fact it scares me because I knew she hit her head so hard it might be a reason I would need to take her to the ER. I reached for the phone and my sister called out of the blue (7:00 in the am) but didn't get to ask her question as I filled her in on what happened and asked her motherly instincts of what I should do. She said the ER now. I had to call the on call doc to get that precertification and luckily our ped was on call (same one my sisters kids sees). The doc called back and said to remain calm (he must have hear the tears rolling down my face and the panic in my voice as I tried to dress Julia and get her ready to go out the door for the ER. Doc said to watch her for more signs. More vomitting, more disorientation, more hard hard crying, but by this time she had settled down in her daddys arms and was not crying hysterically anymore. Ahhhh. relief. He told me to have my sister (J's babysitter) bring J in if she shows any signs and I was to go to work and have a fun Birthday. LOL Oh I can get myself so worked up over my beautiful daughter.

All told, my daughter has a bump on her head, played and ate fine today and did take a small nap a few times a day. I called and DH called twice to check on her and my sister reassure us that we can calm down now.

Heck, J was flirting with the boys at the next table tonight at the steakhouse we ate my birthday dinner at. Yum. She is such a ham for the boys. tease!

2009 children's clothes and toy consignment sales list

MOMMIES, Ladies, Daddies, EVERYONE... here is your 2009 list of resale/consignment sales for 2009 I have compiled for the local St. Louis and surrounding areas. Please post a comment or email me if you know of a sale I can add to my list!

I'll keep posting new updated 2009 baby/children's resale list here on my blog.

First one so far is: (from craigslist)
The Spring/Summer JBF(Just Between Friends of St. Charles) St Charles sale will be: Friday, March 6th and Saturday, March 7th, at the Calvary Temple Assembly of God Multipurpose Room, 3930 McClay Road, Saint Charles, MO 63304. JBF is easy and fun! Please visit www.jbfsale.com for more information about this great kid’s sale event. shop. sell. save. smart!
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http://chesterfield.jbfsale.com/
Just Between Friends - West St.Louis County, MO.
shop. sell. save. smart!
Our Spring/Summer 2009 Sales Event
will be May 7th-9th, 2009
at
Maryville University-Monsanto Room
650 Maryville University Drive
St Louis, MO. 63141
(Library building)

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MOTC Re-Sell It Sale:
Greater St. Louis Mothers of Twins Club
RE-SELL-IT SALE
Spring/Summer Children’s Clothing (single and twin)
Books and Lots of Toys
Baby Equipment (swings, highchairs, etc.)
VISA & MasterCard accepted
(Additional charge may apply)

When: Saturday, April 18th
Open to the Public 1-3 p.m.
($1 admission per person)
Where: Lindbergh High School
4900 South Lindbergh Blvd.
St. Louis MO 63126
We hope you find the great bargains! The following information will make your shopping experience run smoothly:
1. Admission: $1 per person, including infants and children. For their safety, we recommend that children not be brought into the sale area.
2. Payment:
• Cash and check are accepted for all sale items. Checks will be pre-approved - a valid driver’s license is required for identification. Equipment will be purchased separately from all other items.
• VISA & MasterCard are accepted for all sale items.
Strollers, diaper bags, bags, and boxes are not allowed in the sale.
For your convenience, our Bakery & Snack Bar will be open 10:00 a.m.- 3:00 p.m.!
Directions

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http://www.storklady.net/ShoppersA.htm
Stork Lady's Semi-Annual Sale:
SPRING - SUMMER 2009 SALE
Saturday, March 21st: Open to Public - 8:00am - 5:00pm
Sunday, March 22nd: Open to Public - 12:00pm-4:00pm - 50% off most items
* LOCATION: ST. ELIZABETH'S GYM -1420 S. Sappington Rd - Crestwood 63126 *
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ANOTHER ONE I FOUND ONLINE
Children's Consignment Sale!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Our mom’s group has over 60 moms from the Metro East as members.
Great bargains will be found for:
Children's clothing and shoes from infant on up.
(pajamas, dresses, shirts, shorts, skirts, pants, coats, costumes, etc.)
Toys of all sizes for all ages
(too many to mention!)
Lots of Baby Equipment
(High chairs, baby swings, baby bath tubs, baby monitors, etc.)
Toddler Playground Equipment
Sports equipment for kids
Maternity Clothes
The sale will be located at:
Whiteside Elemetary School
(Just east of Old Collinsville Road on Lebanon Avenue)
2028 Lebanon Avenue
Belleville, Illinois

Saturday, March 21, 2009
Time: 8 am to Noon
www.metroeastmoms.homestead.com

Mothers and More Chapter #126 serves the Metro East area located in St. Clair County across the river from St. Louis Missouri. Many of our moms are from O'Fallon, Shiloh, Fairview Heights, Belleville, Mascoutah, Lebanon, Swansea, and Caseyville, Illionis areas. Please see our website for more information: www.metroeastmoms.homestead.com
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MEHLVILLE HIGH SCHOOL BABY MANIA SALE Spring Baby Mania - May 2, 2009

M.O.M.S. Club will be hosting their semi-annual Baby Mania (children tailgate sale) this Spring, May 2, 2009 from 8-12. Mehlville Senior High parking lot.

For more information call 314-467-5345.
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MOMMES (Mothers Of Triplets or more) will be hosting their Spring/Summer Resale on Friday April 3rd from 7-9pm & Saturday April 4th from 7-11am. Sale will be at Community of Christ Church, 2790 Hwy K, O'Fallon, MO $1.00 admission for anyone over 12 (this money goes to the church as a Thank You for letting us use their building). The sale will have everything from clothes, toys, shoes, baby equipment, Little Tykes and more! This is a HUGE SALE (a whole gym full plus several rooms of more stuff). Feel free to email me with any questions.
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some of the others I am searching for are:
edwardsville high school sale....

can you think of others for me to post about?

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HELPFUL SITES: (first one is the link to the LA TIMES story on the new federal law that goes into effect Feb 10, 2009 about not allowing resale of clothes and toys for kids unless they are tested for lead. I'll keep updating this because as of today 1/11/09, the law is apparently being amended again. )

http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-thrift2-2009jan02,0,2083247.story

LINK TO SITE FOR MISSOURI SALES:
http://www.kidsconsignmentsales.com/mo.htm#stlouis

back to the swing of things

Tomorrow (or is that today?) marks the 3rd round of swimming lessons for Ms. J at the local YMCA. She loves the tub water and even loves the pool more. This class will be the last she will have with her cousin attending for some time to come :(. Her cousin gets to graduate at the end of this class to the next age group. Sweet for her! We sure will miss her until Ms. J can graduate at 24 months also! I plan on taking evening classes after this one until fall. I need my Saturdays to do a few things (yard sales, both having them and attending them. LOL) in the Spring and Summer months plus we go camping OFTEN and I won't give that up. Plus it gives us something to do on the nights that daddy is at his college evening classes.

I booked hosting a Party Lite Party in March. I need to call the rep back and set up the date on another day. I thought the first Saturday in March would work, but my schedule is not allowing it now. Ugh. I hate to change it, but I'll shoot for Mid-March now.

Tonight, Julia was a hoot. She was clingy, but so much fun. I finally hid her "favorite books" so she could explore her new books she got at Christmas time. She has been stuck on a certain 5 or 6 books for the last few weeks and won't look at the other 50 books or so she has between the living room and her bedroom. So I got out some new books for her to read tonight after she went to bed. The other books she was so addicted to are now on the top shelf of her bookcase. I know some may think I am mean in taking them away, but I was taught as a child in school to rotate your books around and I plan on continuing this with our children.

Do your children have certain books they LOVE?

Thank you so much for your support

You all are so sweet to post and give us support through this all. Thank you!

I want to tell everyone that we are feeling so much better after a few days of rehashing the idea of a huge change in the communication/lack of/ with J's birthmother. We respect her wishes and are moving forward. We will always tell J about her birthmother and siblings and other birthrelatives. We have pictures on her nursery wall and always thank her tummy mommy for giving us the gift of a beautiful daughter and we will always tell J of that great gift and love her tummy mommy has for her.

Life throws us curves all the time and we will always try to look on the sunny side of things even if they seem to hurt so much. I will keep telling myself that we didn't do anything wrong to bring this decision about, heck we went out of our way in many cases to make that contact.

I have J's 1 year pictures and letter ready to go, pictures from 1 year to current and started a letter. I do have Christmas Presents for J's birthsiblings and do plan on boxing them up and sending them to them in a few days. If anything comes back returned, we will keep them here, but send the letters and pictures onto the agency to hold for her tummy mommy when she is ready to receive them. The agency will understand this. I am sure they have several situations that they hold letters and pictures for future contact.

In time of this happening, there is a local Adoption support group tomorrow night so this is great timing for the need of support and understanding from the local peers having adopted and or going through.

my heart breaks to say we are now in a closed adoption non-relationship with

our daughters birthmother/family.

This situation is something I feared blogging about. I really didn't think it would happen to us and our daughter and her birthfamily, but it has.

I don't post this with the intention to scare anyone reading this that is thinking of adopting, are in the process and or are already placed with a child/baby. Please understand I write from my heart here, I don't do that often, but I had a dream and feeling this would happen and it has. I really hope this turns around to be a fully open adoption again one day, but if not, I will grieve our loss and move on in due time.

Not every adoption is the same, but I still share my story for those of you that know adoption can be WONDERFUL and yet you can sit silent with fears that can fill you through out the many parts of the day with "what if's".

I feared for the last few months that I might have said something 3 days before our daughters 1st birthday party that offended her birthmother so much that she didn't come to her party. No, that didn't really cause the issue of us not having spoke to her or met up in person with her since.

Issues beyond our control as Adoptive Parents to J run along the line of it being too hard for her birthmother to see J in person at this point in time in her life. I am sad that this is happening to her, but sad for everyone involved, including two birthsiblings she has that we won't see for a long time to come or ever, if I may be so blunt. We only live 20 min away from her bithmothers place right now, but we have decided we will totally respect her decision to not see her now or even maybe in the long long future.

I will never pretend to know what a birthmother goes through when she relinquishes the parental rights of her child/baby. I will never know the emotions she had in her heart each time she saw J in person. Well, now I do know that it was way too painful for her. Thus she has chosen to back away from the contact.

After getting off the phone with the mutual friend L that we have between us and the birthmother, I felt like my heart was slowly sinking into a depressive state of beating. Almost an ache I was not familiar with, like a sob was ready to come out. Luckily my wonderful hubby just stood in front of me and opened his arms up wide and gave me a hug and said we are ok, we are going to make it through this and we know we have to respect her decision to have no contact at this point in time in J's life.

With heavy hearts I say I was warned by our social worker that this might happen. We were prepped by the sworker that we might have a beautiful monthly or so contact with her, but in many cases the contact ceases after only 1 year of contact. This is just the opposite of having gone into an adoption with fully closed intentions from both parties and later, maybe years later that adoption contact slowly opens up and a longtime relationship is established with those parties involved. We are on the road from Very open to nearly VERY closed.

I have pictures and letters for 2 different updates that I will send along with Christmas gifts for both her sistersibling and brothersibling and a gift for J's birthmother. I bough these things with intention of seeing them in person soon, but now I know We won't. We do have pictures we show Julia ever day of her siblings and her tummy mommy (birthmother) and of her birthgrandma also). I will always leave them up on her wall until she is ready to remove them.

J's tummy mommy gave us one of the most precious gifts in our lives and I will always relay that to her in the letters. I hope she knows we think of her and her children every day while we all go through life in the next days, weeks and years.

With a heavy heart and tears welling up.... I say to you to not look at this as a negative post, but more of a bump in the road of the adoption process. I feel maybe one day we all will reunite and I won't give up that feeling either.

our hearts will mend, our minds will soon return to a state of total enjoyment of watching our daughter blossom into a beautiful toddler, girl and teen and so on.

Off to write that letter for her 15 month update to send to her birthfamily.

If you ever have questions about open domestic adoption, feel free to post here or contact me through my blog email.

As I put our daughter in her crib tonight, I told her I love her and everyone else does too! I know that is not a lie!

going shopping with DH and daughter

I want to NOT shop, but it is necessary since DH bought a bass guitar off of craiglist this past week. Yikes. Now that means he has to buy an amp and accessories. Shopping not for me, but for him? Not fair. Maybe Julia and I might have to sneak into the toy store if we go to the mall.. wink wink

2009 rings in with a marathon of the vintage show "Emergency"

DH is watching "Emergency"

hehe

I watched this show religiously when I was a kid. My favorite character was John "Johnny" Roderick Gage. How was your favorite character?

2009

HAPPY NEW YEAR