Thanks, I needed that, NOT

Defined:

Insomnia: the inability to sleep applied to the general complaint of having trouble falling or staying asleep; insomnia is a symptom usually caused by underlying problems. See also transient, short-term, chronic, and sleep onset insomnia.

Well, that is me. Inherited from my dad and his mom(gram), BUT I don't always have an underlying problem. Hmmm. I honestly am physically recouped from this miscarriage now so that is not the problem, but maybe it is the lack of SEX. Hmmmm, thank goodness for my pink bunny. :-P

DH and I don't sleep together. He snores, I grind my teeth something horribly and I snore and toss and turn all night long, thus you would think I would sleep well without being woke up by DH's snoring every 5 minutes to make him turn over. I have insomnia and don't fall asleep very easily, but thanks to some ambien that the doc rx'd to me, I usually get to sleep lately pretty quickly, shame I did not take one last night because I was up until wee hours of the AM and then slept no more than 2 hour at a time for the rest of the night/morning until 11 am. Up 2 hours, sleep 2 hours, see that pattern? Thanks, I needed that sleep, but did NOT get it. life goes on. I will have a few drinks tonight at a holiday party we are heading to so I hope that helps settle me down to sleep better tonight. No, I won't mix the margaritas and ambien, I promise. (btw, thankgoodness they don't require we dress in holiday garb.)

Well, I need to go see the GP doc on Monday or Tuesday to get an rx for the anti-depressant and they won't let me have anything until he has me there in person. I can also ask him for some more ambien or that new lunesta. I hope that I can get something to help with the sleep. I know when I was on paxil it helped with sleeping so maybe the anti-d will do the trick without the sleep aid. I am thinking of asking for welbutrin(sp?) or lexapro. DH is now on lexapro and I can tell it is working for him. He is quite chipper these days. I like that and need to feel that way too. Hey, have I blogged about this before? I bet I have. LOL Sorry for the repeat. Must be this sleepy head of mine. Little foggy today.

Oh the homefront of adopting..... I got packet # 4 in the mail today. I read 2 pages of it so far and will read the rest tomorrow. I have one phone call to make next week and that is to my mom's lawyer. See, he and his wife adopted and maybe he has some inside scoop on how to approach the domestic adoption through a lawyer instead of an agency. Why you ask? Well, DH and I are not into church right now and out of 4 of the agencies I got packets for (I knew this going in), they all require you to be active members of your church. So, what if we go independant through a lawyer ? hmmmm, it is a thought and maybe an option.

I will be requesting more packets from agencies this weekend by email. Heck, there are only 8 days left in 2005 so it is prime time to be requesting these packets now and as stated earlier we are attending lots of adoption functions coming up in town in early 2006 so that helps keep me focused forward. YEAH. I like this good feeling.

I need good feelings to help with days like today at the grocery store. I saw 2 preggo's in the store and it really made me fell ok with the fact that we will adopt and be parents and we won't have to go through the horrible experiences of pregnancy that I have had in the past 6 years. I know many many women go on to have little to no risk pregnancies, but I have proven that to not be possible for us. I feel bad for DH as I can't give him our own biological child. I am resolute to the fact that I WILL be a wonderful mommy and so will DH be a wonderful daddy and that is going to happen to us by a child being placed in our arms and born into our hearts through adoption.

Interesting facts. I found a list online of what proper terms to use when speaking about adoption. For example: You don't refer adoption as "Getting a baby" but instead "receiving our child through adoption" (logical, but you won't believe how many couples stat it like that in their birthmother letters) ... oh there were so many other statements that really made me think about this. Glad I found the list and I will mention it to DH because I sure don't want to offend anyone when we write our dear potential birthmother letter!

I wish you and your families a Happy Holiday Season. May your hearts grow warm with love and be touched with caring souls.

Love to our angels in heaven. We love you all.

btw, I want to thank those Angels out in the earthly world for thinking of Dh and I at this time in our lives. We are so appreciating the love you all give us and the thoughts and prayers. Those of you that made offers and thoughts beyond belief are so kind. You know who you are. I wish you were here in town so we could hug you in real life. Cyber bud(you know who you are sw) , I can't thank you enough for the offer of keeping the surrogacy idea alive. We won't give up hope! WE WON'T. I can't wait to talk to you in the future after your next baby is born!


btw, if I sent you a Holiday Card last year, don't be surprised if you don't get one this year. Just not up to doing them. Sorry.