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Saturday, December 17, 2005

rays of hope from the cyberland blogs

let me first say that I am feeling like I need to move forward with the adoption process very very soon. Sure, grieving is important after a loss for any person or couple, especially those going through infertility. The lack of the ability to carry a pregnancy will be grieved, but , BUT BUT BUT.... I have managed to find a RAY of HOPE in the internet by reading blogs that are filled with journeys to adoption.

Sure some blogs that involve adoption, domestic mostly, will have the trudging through the mud difficulties of adoptions, but I need those to be prepped incase we encounter troubles in our own journey into adoption.

Having access to those in cyberland that are adopting domestically is comforting to know we are not the only couple out there that has a longing for a newborn or very young infant when we get ready to be shown to the perspective birth mother. Some might find this a selfish thing from us, but it is our wish and our longing for so just deal and learn to respect that we wish for this. If you can't deal, then learn to agree to disagree.

My family knows that we are on the road to adoption, but DH's family is now just finding out that we miscarried over Thanksgiving weekend and that we are now on the road to saving for adoption. Thankfully, they are 100% supportive so far. I welcome that support and can now feel like we can talk openly about adoption unlike with infertility we were told to keep it to ourselves!!!! Yes, people in family have actually told us to not talk about our infertility in front of them because it was such a private thing. So we bit our lips and did not mention it. Now we can finally relax around them, but will be on guard for assvice comments they might tend to make about adoption.

on a side note, the RE's office never called me back day b4 yesterday with my hopefully final beta draw for a zero count so I tried all day to call them but their phones are on forward. I guess they are gone for the next week and I won't hear back what my beta was. Reason I have to keep doing beta's to get a zero is that in previous miscarriages I had my beta/hcg #'s fall, but then stalled after the miscarriage and then went back up due to retained placental tissue in the uterus. I had d&c's after each miscarriage of our twins and I was so sure that this one might end up that way. Although my body is telling me that I am most likely at the zero # altready. ZIT FACED days are here, thanks to my PCOS... see, when pregnant I have NOT Acne, but my face is riddled with activity these past 4 or 5 days so I can almost bet I am at a zero beta and that my PCOS is raging again. I am still spotting brown, but it gets less and less each day. Finally! So my body seems to be healing, but we will wait for that beta # to confirm what my body is telling me.

So, now I get to focus on wrapping presents. JOY.

Oh btw, that word "JOY" seems to come up much more now that we are setting our hearts on adoption. I find it a simple word, but a great way to express many moments I have in starting this adoption process.

Ok, off to shop then come back to wrap. Oh and do some laundry. LOL

1 comment:

Tempe said...

I completely understand wanting to adopt a newborn. That is what Ben and I were hoping for when we looked into it. There is so much to experience. Good luck.