My little pumpkin is bringing us our dreams come true

As I sit here on the couch in the living room, I sit back and bask at the sight of my long awaited love in her bouncy seat sleeping content after sucking down her morning bottle.

Since January 1999, we have longed for this day to happen. See, like everyone that goes through infertility and even more so, miscarriages, We sat many many years and wondered at each Holiday, each Halloween, each event if WE would be that parent one day holding our child and celebrating the events at hand. On several occasions I curled up in my bed and silently cried real tears thinking it would never happen for us. We longed to be that mom and dad chasing our little costume dressed pumpkin down the block while gathering up a sack full of trick-or-treat goodies. We longed to be that couple that was able to take our first family portrait to put on that annual Christmas card like so many friends and family have sent us (no, I did not usually get upset opening these picture cards as so many that suffer through Infertility and losses do). We wanted to be that family that is able to wake up on Christmas morning and Celebrate Jesus and his birth and be thankful for the gifts we have under the tree. See, those things avoided us like the plague all these years, but let me tell you today, being our first FAMILY Halloween, We are so living the REALITY of this dream we have longed for for so many years. That dream that seemed like we would never reach it. It makes me cry tears, tears I never thought I would feel, Tears of JOY and THANKFULNESS! Not tears of sadness and disbelief I felt for so many years. "Would it ever happen for us?", I'd ask, then I would hear family and friends say "Sure, it will happen, just hang in there" and by gosh it HAS HAPPENED.

By the blessing of domestic adoption, we have been given a gift of a precious daughter in our lives to help bring those dreams to reality and allow us to bond and form that core love that will never end as a family.

We both sit back once or twice a day and say, WOW, the wait was well worth every minute. Sure, I will never ever forget my 9 angel babies I lost to heaven in the near 8 years of Infertility and treatments we suffered through. Sure, I will never ever forget the ROCK that my husband was for me while I miscarried those babies and he barely cried a tear so he could be strong for me. Sure, I really thought those doctors would bring me the miracle we so deserved and desired through all the rough treatments of IUI's and IVF's we did, but thanks to AGOHA and a local friend that introduced us to Julia's birthmother, WE ARE FINALLY LIVING OUR DREAM.

Those times that I said "We deserve to be that family", yes we did and NOW WE ARE so thankful to be there in this time and place in our lives. Some people have told me that I would forget about our infertility and losses once our child is placed in our arms, but no, that is not true. It makes our past of grief and loss easier to deal with, but we will never forget and honestly it will be part of our story we can share with our daughter as she grows to let her know how much we love each other and how we stuck by each others sides through thick and thin to bring her into our lives. This will be a part of our journey we will share with her that brought us to the crossroads of meeting her birthmother and meeting her siblings and birthfamily.

I hope to convey to Julia the love we share and have shared through the 16 years of our marriage. We never gave up hope of becoming a family of more than the two of us. We dreamed and are still dreaming of how big we want our family to be. We will never stop giving our thanks for the blessing of watching our family grow over the last few months.

Seeing Julia's ultrasound back in early September before she was delivered was so cool. It brought a new found respect for the love one (her birhtmother) could have to bring such a child into breathing life. Sure, she could have made a decision to not carry the pregnancy to term, but She did choose to carry her and I so thank her for doing that. For without that decision, we would not know our daughter now. I commend her birthmother for being courageous, strong for her and her family, and for her family to support her decision to bring a miracle to life. I stop every day and tell Julia that her tummy mommy is a blessing to her and I both and to daddy also! We can't wait to show her the fun holidays to celebrate, family and friends to meet, parties to be had and even just a simple camping trip to the regional state parks. I can't wait for next Summer when our pool opens and I can get her in the water and teach her how to swim.

Ahhhhhhhhh

Ok, as soon as my camera battery charges up, I'll post a picture of Ms. Julia in her cute curly ribbon bow/headband our friend Molly made her. I'll try and get pictures of Julia's first Trick-or-Treating walk with my sister and her 3 kids and my brother and his 3 kids. Julia is part of this family now and God I am so Thankful for her and the ability to watch her grow into a beautiful woman one day. BUT don't let that happen too quickly, let me bask in her beauty and baby smiles for a while. hehe

I may not always be able to convey my thoughts and feelings in words that all might understand in this blog, but I am glad I can jot this down for Julia to read one day. Thank you all for reading if you got through this post today.


HAPPY HALLOWEEN to you and to my sweet Julia and her Daddy too!

all decked out in my smile and orange

don't tell me a 4 week old can't smile!

Isn't she cute in her pumpkin hat and outfit?

Who needs the Name brand items when you can make them?

My mom is the bomb! She can sew up a storm. So I called her yesterday and asked her if she had about 5 yards of t-shirt type material at home? (hehe, I bet on it she would.) She said she would check. Then she asked me why. ... I told her to go look up the Ultimate Baby Wrap on Ebay or babiesrus. I would like to have her make one for me to use to carry Julia around while doing house work, playing outside with the dogs, Walking, fun while camping, etc....


So my mom calls me today to say she has some red material and to come by to check it out. It is perfect. I had a few other things to do so I left. She called me not even 45 minutes later to tell me she had finished the wrap for Julia. LOL I'll try and take a picture of it next week after I pick it up.

Belated Happy Birthday to my Hubby. Actually I did say HB to him today when he woke up. I did not get him a card, no, he is not sad by that.... and he bought his own gift online. LOL See, he likes electronic gadgets (blueray something or another dvd HD player). So he got to buy his own gift online. Happy Birthday my sweetheart.

the love for st. louis attractions... Grants Farm first

This will be the first of many blog entries about the great family/kid friendly St. Louis attractions to visit.

Today was our (Julia and myself) first official "St. Louis attraction" visit out. We went to Grants Farm. We met up with another local mom of 3. She is my inspiration! Sorry we missed another mom due to some car key problems.

Julia was sleeping when I got there and slept 3/4 of the time we were there.

I have not been to Grants Farm in about 12 years so it was great to see everything and enjoy the company of a very sweet mom of 3. I also met a few other mothers and their kids that she knows, but we all went in our own direction and pace. It was nice to get out and do a mommy event with my daughter though.

It was a new experience that went well. Something I have always dreamed about doing with my daughter! I learned I am a wreckless driver to an extent with the stroller... LOL and I learned that I need to pack a baby bag that includes my purse items so I don't have to carry two different bags. Lord knows my own purse can be packed to the hilt with things so I need to learn to downsize it and the diaper bag too.

Here is a pic of sweet Julia sleeping her way past the kangaroo yard.

here is a picture of the beautiful cldyesdale baby horses at the horse stables. Julia and I walked over there by ourselves after mom of 3 left. I loved getting up close to the horses... heck, I even got to pet the momma of the baby horse and another baby that was a bit older. FUN.

wordless wednesday

for all my friends and family and us that have lost a baby through miscarriage or infant loss

for our 9 angels in heaven from July 1999 - November 26th 2005. I miss you, each and every one.

Thanks to KD for posting this info and banner

Also, please consider lighting a candle. This is a way to connect with many around the world.

bright eyed

Each day bring a little more time that Julia tends to be more alert. It is nice to see her eyes open. They are still the deep blue from birth, yet beautiful. She loves to listen to DH and I talk to her. She loves to watch the ceiling fan go round and round. She loves to watch her Real Love mobile go round and round when she lays in her crib. She loves to lift her head while she is up on our shoulders (burping position) and look around at what is going on.

I love being able to observe these things about her as she grows each day. This is the love that I always wished for with becoming parents. Sure, sleepless nights have happened for both DH and I, but we gain strength in seeing her grow from all the love and sweet formula she is getting.

I had a good time this morning rooting through the mounds of clothes at the baby mania sale. I came away with 3 grocery bags full of great deals. More 2 and 3 piece outfits for 0-3 and 3-6 months sizes. I have lots of sleepers and lots of onesies already so I focused on cute pant and shirt outfits and a few jumpsuits and a few pairs of shoes (heck, several outfits still had tags on them). Then my sister buzzed me on my cell to say she found Julia the perfect Christmas dress. I trust my sister as she has great taste in clothes so I asked her to buy it for me and I would pay her back. Well, she gave us the bag tonight of that dress and a few bottles she also got, but did not want any money for all of the items. Bless her. She loves Julia also and loves buying for her. I heard her say that Julia is her new baby fix!

Tonight I am sitting down and starting to write out the many Thank You cards for all the precious gifts that Julia has gotten in the last two weeks from friends and family and co-workers. We are so blessed to have such a great support system with all of those people in our lives. Julia is so loved already and has fit right in with the family and friends. What a true blessing.

I need to upload a few more photos to print out at the local Walgreens. I always get 2 sets of each of the pictures so we can send a set to Julia's birthmother soon. I'll be writing letters each month for the next few months and sending pictures with those letters. We had purchased a photo book for a bithmother gift so she would have a place to keep all the photos. She was very thankful for that and can't wait to fill it up. She said her daughter loved looking at Julia birth pictures we gave to them the day after her birth. Fun. I am so glad we can share these with her birthfamily.

Speaking of the birth family, I left a message for Julia's birthmother 3 days ago and have not heard from her. I know there are phone issues, but I sure hope she can call back when she is comfortable to chat again. See, Julia's birthmother told us she wanted to give us a few weeks at home with Julia to bond before she would get in touch with us again. I just hope that she is coping with things ok. I do worry about her, but I won't fret yet as I will still give her another week or so before I get too worried about her. I also know our Social worker will try and contact her if we don't hear from her soon. I don't want to crowd her, but yet I do want to make sure she is doing ok with the transition from the birthmother side of things. I still can't fully understand her feelings of loss and never will, I won't pretend about that, but I do care about her and will let her know I will always ask how she is doing.

Blessings abound.

Yard sale/Garage Sale mania Saturday....

Mehlville's baby mania sale is tomorrow Oct 13th 8-12


also the IAS support group is holding a garage sale to help fund the new books in the library for educational purposes. Charity sale!! Check it out.

Julia is going to have a nice haul tomorrow! hehe

her drinking nipples, not mine

Learning new things. I knew there were different sized bottle nipples for different ages of an infant, but I never really paid attention to what sizes and flows they were and when they need to be changed out. I never got to ask the pediatrician about this so I researched it online.

To review nipples come in 4 different stages:

# Stage 1 (aka “slow”): this is for newborns. There is only one hole in this nipple so that the formula will come out very slowly. This is important because otherwise the newborn can choke. Any newborn bottle (translation small bottle) will come with this.

# Stage 2 (aka “medium”): This for babies 3-6 months old and these nipples have 2 holes. Thus, the formula comes out faster.

# Stage 3 (aka “fast”): This is for babies over 6 months. I never used these with my older son because we moved onto sippy cups, but presumably these nipples have 3 holes.

# The Y-cut: This is a nipple where the hole is cut wide to so the baby can drink thicker drinks such as formula with a little bit of cereal in it.

bye bye billie cord

Julia's umbilical cord stump fell off today. 10 days old and it is gone already. Her pediatrician said it could happen from 10 days up until 30 days. WOW. That was quick.

She is a sleeping sweetheart right now. She is in her snugglie wrap sitting in her swing fast asleep. She should be waking up in about a 1/2 hour to feed. She needs to poop! Poops have slowed way down. More like 2 a day instead of after every feed. Is this normal? She is not in any pain from being backed up so I hope it is ok. If she does not go again by morning, I'll give the nurse at the ped's office a call to check. Ahhh, the worries of mommyhood! :)

Julia is more alert every day. She sat and listened to daddy talk to her for a while this afternoon and She also finds it comforting to listen to me talk to her about life. She layed in her boppy last night and just stared back at me while I told her about her tummy mommy again and how blessed we are to have her in our lives. I told her that it made all the struggles of near 8 years of infertility and miscarriages much easier to deal with now that she is here in our lives and family.

Oh, My mom and sister both said this week that they can't wait until christmas. Toys galore will be given by them. Ute Oh! All those years I bought noisy toys for my nieces and nephews, it must be pay back time from them to us for Julia to keep us bugged with noisy toys then. LOL I guess Payback is sweet when your on the other side of the fence. hehe

Back to getting my ebay items active again. I was able to make about 150.00 in the last 3 weeks. Not bad! That 150.00 goes towards the 390.00 in court filing fees for the proceedings we went to on Friday for Julia's birthmothers termination hearing. Every bit counts. Check out my items on Ebay and then come back and check out my items on my TWOGOOTS blog!

Thanks for all your support even if you are just lurking! Becoming a parent after all these years of infertility and miscarriages and then a few bumps in the adoption road has made it all worth every step.

Oh, thanks to first social worker from Adoption Haven (our first agency), we have another adoption book to read to Ms. Julia. A Little Golden Book called "A Blessing from Above". It is a story about a kangaroo who has an empty pouch and wants to fill it with a loving baby. Momma-Roo is so thankful for her baby birdy that dropped into her pouch and she is now raising him. So sweet.

oh what a busy week we've had

Wednesday's pediatrician appointment went very very well. Julia weighed in at 7lb 4 oz, up from her birthweight of 6 lb 13oz. Good gracious, she can eat! The doc said that was on target and that it was ok to feed her between the minimum of 2 oz of formula to the max of 4 oz. Depending on her demand and our judgment if she may be full around 3 oz or so. BUT my piggy little sweet girl is taking around 3.5 oz a feeding. hehe.

Julia's sleeping patterns vary. Last night she ate 3.5 oz of formula around 1:30 am and she slept from around 2:30 am to 7 am. Yes, 4.5 hours. But 4.5 is not her record so far. She slept 5 hours the night before. WOW. GO GIRL GO. I am amazed by her ability to do this so early on in her life, but you know I am not complaining at all. I did get to sleep too during those nice long stretches. I also am preparing for those nights when she will not sleep either. LOL I know it is inevitable.

Motherhood is happening and I love it. DH is a wonderful father also. He and I have been sharing shifts and he does wonderful with feeding, diapering and putting her back to sleep. We are so blessed. DH goes back to work Monday so it will be another adjustment for us as I will be on my own to try and learn to do the night shifts for a while. I don't go back to work until November 12th so we have a few weeks to try and find a new pattern of sleep and feedings during the nights. Sleep deprivation is hard, but when I look at our beautiful daughter and she is staring at me while holding her, I can't be mad one bit. It actually makes the bonding easier and makes my love grow for her each day.

Friday morning we went to the family courts in Clayton. We met our lawyer and our social worker there to have the judge hear our case for the birthmothers parental termination rights. All's well with those court proceedings. We do have to have our lawyer do a legal journal publication for the birthfather and if no one comes forward his rights will be terminated in court in about a months time.

Going through these processes have been enlightening and now become part of our daughters adoption story we will continue to share with her. I talk to her every day about who her tummy mommy is (birthmother) and her siblings are and that she will eventually see them again in person soon. I love that I can talk to Julia about these things knowing she will get to know her birthfamily along with our family over the many years to come. Open adoption gives us that blessing of sharing and getting to know each other not only by pictures and letters, but in person too.

Blessings to you all and I say prayers for any out there still trying to build their families. If there is anything I can help with to help get you through the process of either fertility treatments or adoption, please drop me an email.

Hello doctor

Julia's first pediatrician appointment is today. I have no idea what to expect. I am sure he will fully examine her.

I have a few questions about feedings and shots, but that is about it.

I wish I had posted this yesterday to get your suggestions of what to expect and questions to ask.

Cheers to a good weight and length growth. Hummm, Will she have gained weight by now? We'll see.

This is our second adventure out of the house. I hope we can get use to going an adventures.

Julia slept for near 5 hours between feedings last night into this morning. WOW.

How much formula were you feeding at near 1 week old? The nursery at the hospital was only feeding 1 oz +1ml, So just under 2 oz. Sorry, but I just can't see that being enough for her. I'll keep you posted on what the doc suggests.