About Us

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

It WAS my due date month

I was due with this last angel baby on July 21st 2006. Sadly our baby did not make it very far along in my womb. I so wanted to have a nice pregnancy after having had 4 uterine miscarriages and 2 ectopics. I so wanted this baby to hang in there, although that lingering thought of doubt hung in my mind and I never got to see our baby flourish and thrive in me. Our baby was a wee little one at 6w1d gestation when I lost him/her very violently at home. I would have been very pregnant right now if my stupid body had not yet again rejected and made me gutwrenchingly miscarry again.

sorry, in a very foul mood today. Just sad for my angel baby that would have been born this month.

I think a call to the doc is warranted. My moods are swinging lots these days. Maybe some of this is caused by my trying to fool myself into thinking I could try adoptive breastfeeding and maybe the progesterone bc pills are causing these mood swings. Poor DH.. I promise to be nicer to him tomorrow.

I sat at dinner tonight and said to myself, I am not fun company right now. I need to retreat and regroup and just grieve this loss of never having a child myself.

off to go watch some NASA channel ....... cool earth shots from the shuttle right now.

Thanks for being here my cyber friends. Thanks for a shoulder to lean on.


Millie said...

I'm so sorry. One of the worst things about this crap is there are so many reminders. Around every corner. There's so much to grieve and it's hard work. Thinking of you.

tubelessstl said...

Thanks Millie... I feel much better this AM after a few hours of sleep and NO BAD DREAMS. I will call today and get some meds to help boost my moods if he will agree.

I know my angels are playing and having fun in heaven and I can't wait for them to wish a baby our way through the blessing of adoption.