1 little, 2 little, 3 little follies... keep singing

up to 12 little follies.....well, yup.. 12 follies ready to go and a few laggers ... that is for retrieval tomorrow(friday) am. we go the go ahead for trigger last night at 10:15 am and then retrieval is set for tomorrow at 9:45 am. YEAH.

I have most of the follies growing on the left side and that explain the reason my left side feels so heavy and sore. LOL

I am nervous, but I feel good about Dr. A's office and procedures. I had a friend tell me to not worry about being awake for retrieval at all. They give good drugs. Ahhhhhh

You would think that after 4 other fresh retrievals that I would not be one bit nervous, but I am. Chance is hard. But I have to put my faith in the clinic and the wonderful staff and Dr. A himself to bring us a good count of follies aspirated to bring a good number of eggs gathered. I pray for great quality and great fertilization. I pray that DH produces "HIS" good sample tomorrow!

I am so nervous. I am excited, I am sore, I am filled with JOY that this is possible.

churning is right on....

today I gave my most precious blood at 7:40 am. I then took a 1/2 day of vacation to fit in my first US scan. That US scan proved the real churning of follies in my belly.

Right ovary is producing 4 or 5 measurable follies between 12mm and 16 mm. I saw lots more smaller than that. Maybe some 10's and 8's lagging behind on the right side.

Oh then he went to the left side... YOUCH.. he had to push and then pull towards him to get the ovary in sight. He is so kind and asked if I was doing ok! Well, doc sure, It hurts, but if you get some good news to give me it is well worth the pain. LOL

The left side has brought us about 8 measurable follies. 12mm -16 mm's each. BUT behind those follies are about 8 more that are 8mm-12mm's in size so I am really churning them around.

My E2 level after 7 full days of stims was a nice 1700.

My lining is a nice pillow of 10 mm thick. I am to do the rest of my viagra suppositories tonight and into tomorrow AM. BTW, those thing are not bad at all. They leave a little residue like most vaginal suppositories, but I do believe that between the viagra and the acupuncture that I am doing, My lining has grown a nice size. I asked Dr. A what size lining he is shooting for and he remarked that a 10 is great and it could be a 11-12 mm by time we transfer. YEAH!

I am to do my 300iu of follistim pen tonight, 1 vial of repronex, dexamethasone and folic acid with PNV's. Then 5u of lupron in the AM, 300iu of Follistim in the PM tomorrow night but no repronex. Wednesday AM 5 u if lupron and then I go back in at 1 pm for b/w and US scan again. I asked Dr. A what he thought my schedule will be and it looks like we would possibly trigger Wednesday night and then retrieve Friday morning. Transfer will most likely be a 3 day again. Fine with me. I feel better having our babies back inside me instead of leaving them to grow in the lab.... Although I root them on for freezing if they are in the lab.

I am overall very pleased with this cycle. I am feeling the pain in the back by the kidneys from my ovaries working and churning up a nice respectable number of follies. I am feeling good today because I went into acupuncture and got a full work over for balance. Thanks Doc. And thanks to Kelly for listening to my hormonal blubbering self. I had a little tiff over the stims meds today not being covered, but I will make it through it for the rest of the cycle.


You know what I miss this cycle of all? My DH being involved. He has no duties yet in this cycle. Why? Well in previous cycles he had to give me my IM shots of Pergonal in the hips each day. Well this cycle he does not have to do that because the Repronex is a Sub q shot so I do both the follistim pen and the repronex shot myself. LOL

Last night's shot was done in the bathroom stall at my work. I had to. I was working a 5-11 pm shift after the day job and brought my cooler with my meds in them and then took them to the bathroom stall to do . Luckily nobody walked in while I was doing them. I did rush the shots a little and bled, but that only lasted a few minutes.

Today is good. Cheers to some nice follies on Wednesday and hopefully a trigger shot in the PM Wed night and then tentative retrieval on Friday day and transfer on Monday day. YEAH. PRAYERS that this all falls into place.

churn babies churn...

the ovaries are sure churning with activity. YEAH.


b/w is at 7:40 am and then first follie US scan *YEAH< date with mr dildo cam* tomorrow at 1:40 pm.


go follies go.

detached?

or just lack of contact making me feel this way?

I know I can't compare my cycles between two different doctors, but I will say that I am still trying to get use to the idea that the monitoring between the two clinics is so different and I was so spoiled to so many US's in my first 4 IVF cycles from the previous clinic that it is hard to keep attached to this cycle so far.

I have yet to have a follicle check on my ovaries and I am on day 5 of follistim and day 2 of repronex. I do go in Monday at 1:40 pm to get my scan from the RE himself. YEAH. I go in Monday at 7:40 am for b/w to check my E2 levels and then at 1:40 to go in and check the follies by scan. I am just scared I guess. Scared of the possiblity that I have no follies or little follies growing.

Detached? well, I guess that might all change on Monday at the US. I have to keep reminding myself that this RE is a good one and he knows what he is doing, but the doubt always seems to interject into my mind that he does not "know" how "I" respond to stims. We have done one cycle with this clinic, but it was a frozen transfer cycle that ended in a chemical pregnancy in June/July of this year. I have to stop and look around me knowing that this new clinic and the staff are so very wonderful, knowledgeble too. I was so accustomed to having the staff support me at the other clinic that I only saw that RE(himself) 3 times in my IVF cycle up to the beta. First was the consult, second was retrieval and third was transfer. Whereas I see the doc at almost every appointment I have been to there, even if it is just passing him in the hallway on my way to give blood. HA. I love it.

I was on the way to work today and had a cough hit me. I coughed and then immediately wenched in a little bit of pain. It was a good thing though. You ask why? Well, that pain was from the pelvic region and it was a good sign that my ovaries are tender and filling up with at least a few follies. hehe. I can say that after having done 4 fresh cycles, I can feel and tell what my body is doing .. meaning, it IS ramping up on the follistim and repronex, but I just wonder now many follies. I know, I know.. quality over quantity, but heck I can't stand the wait. AHAHAHA

Today is DH's 41st b-day. Happy Birthday Sweetie. I hope you pick a good restaurant we can go out to dinner to. I know I have this inner feeling you will say "Chevy's" but hey, I am cool with that. I am up for a nice mexican trio enchalada plate. Although, I will have to pass on the NICE HOUSE MARGARITA since we are in the depths of our cycle. LOL I have to remind him about the beer too. oh joy, I get to make the birthday boy not so happy with not being able to drink a brew or two. Sorry dear, but I need your swimmers in tip top shape. hehe.

Ok, I am starting to really think about our 15th wedding anniversary next September. Why think about it now? Well, I told DH I wanted to go to Las Vegas and renew our wedding vows. He agreed and now it is time for me to start planning on the money and travel. I work for a travel company so I will see what they say about how far in advance I should book it. YEAH. VEGAS BABY, HERE WE COME. LOL. I know, I might just be planning way too far in advance, but I have to. I have to make sure we can go celebrate and I hope it is with our first born child in arms too.

Ok, did I put you to sleep yet? if so, Sorry. Just had lost to jot down.


Sorrry our Cardiac Cardinals did not bring the Championship to our house one last time before they tear it down.
Better luck next year in the New Bush Stadium

well well well.... hot flash, hot flash hot flash

I will get rid of these hot flashes in a few days time finally. Why, you ask? Well, I am on day 2 of Follistim for this cycle and that means that my E2(estrogen) levels are slowly climbing up. YEAH. Thus it will replenish my body with the much needed hormones that I have been stripped of from the dreaded LOOPY LUPRON. Day 2 of follistim was not bad at all. Yesterday's first shot was a little stingy(is that even a word?). I injected it when it was still a little cold and not at room temp. Well today's shot was much better. I left it sit out while I ate dinner with DH and that seemed to take the sting away from the shot.

Last night I did my shot in my car before I worked my 5-11 shift of overtime in the call center. I worked all day and then left to go to the other building and decided to do my shot in my car instead of the bathroom in the building. LOL Tonights shot was done in the comfort of my own house. Nice. But tomorrow nights shot will be done in the car again between buildings and shifts. hehe... What a story I get to tell my kid one day.

I am suppose to have a yard sale this weekend over at my sisters house but I don't want to haul all my stuff over there and then back if I don't sell it. Ugh. What to do? I need the extra cash to put towards the thought of having embies to freeze. I think the cost for that is 2000.00 and 2 or 3 hundred towards that from the profit of a yard sale would be helpful.

Well, I got no news from my BIL to see if he could get my speeding ticket fixed so I had to finally break down and call a lawyer traffic ticket firm. I hired a firm that is on Manchester in the City. I have heard good things and let me tell you the lawyer fee was only 40.00 comparned to T L C's 90.00 and 183.00 up front for court costs and ticket amendments costs. NO WAY.. they wanted money up front for something they had not done yet? not. so this other lawyer will go with my 40.00 payment for their services and then go to court and have the moving violation hopefully knocked down to a non-moving violation and then the cost will most likely be 150.0 or so for that and court costs. Crossing fingers that it is not more expensive than that. LOL Oh.. that gives me more reason to have that yard sale then. LOL

OK, off to eat a Tums(food day was great at work today for Boss's Week celebration).

night to you all and Cheers for some good follicle growth to happen in the next 4-5 days.

GO CARDINALS. Cardiac Cards. I LOVE YOU

Gotta love this weather.

Oh I am basking in the wonderful chilled house of ours this AM. I love it, open windows, and so chilly that the windo fans are turned off at bed time. Yeah.

I wish I were camping right now and out enjoying the turning and falling leaves of Fall time. I love cool weather. I love the crisp clean air in the early morning when I go to let the dogs out. Dew on the rails of the deck and nice wood fireplace smell in the air. Ahhhhh, I love Fall.

Speaking of Fall, do you have a winter wardrobe? I don't. I am hot blooded and need a fan on most of the year. I dress in short sleeves all year around and will then just add a sweater if I feel cold or a jacket if outside. I can't stand having a warm shirt on that I can't take down a layer. I often wear a ss t-shirt then a larger button up shirt on top of that, but I can't stand wearing things like turtle necks if I am not outside for a long period of time. Ice Skating I will wear them or when we do camp and are outside at the fire, but even then I rather put on a t-shirt, sweatshirt and then a coat in layers so when I do feel warm I can take down those layers. LOL How do you deal with your wardrobe?

oh my ... good mood to a bad mood.

today was a very good day for the most part. A friend got her + from a donor embie cycle yesterday, I am very happy for her, then today I had a good morning and went to a few yard sales, went to get new eye glass lenses, then went to the great support group meeting by Dr. Jan DeMasters.

I left there, went to Schnuck's and StL. Bread Co to get items for tomorrows breakfast... then headed home. I got DH to go to K mart with me to get a few things and then BOOM, It hit me and hit me hard. A total 180 degree turn of my mood. I had a MAJOR hot flash while in Kmart with DH and I had to call him on his cell hpone and ask him to meet me and hurry up. I was not feeling well at all. I felt as though I had been dehydrated and started feeling heevish... (is that even a word?)

We headed home, ate dinner and now I feel better, but not 100%. I really wonder if this Lupron is doing this to me or did I just catch a nasty germ in the air that made me feel yucky for a few hours? I feel as though I could lay down and just lay there for 10 hours even without sleeping because I feel exhausted.

I am drinking my water.....I am resting as much as possible and I get to add in stimmulants on Monday!!! YIPPEEE.
Come on Ovaries, pay well for mommy and daddy.


Today was a good day, I blame all the bad things on the lupron! ahahahahaha

Cheers to a good day tomorrow: Although, I have to work 3-11 pm. Wow.

Cheers to some good powerball #'s too. hehe

ALL CLEAR (echo's down the train tracks)

train tracks that are the rollercoaster ride of my life.

ALL CLEAR is the equal to a green light to start stims on Monday the 17th for our IVF cycle. I have been on lupron since the 5th and AF is peeking her head in. I went in yesterday AM for my b/w and US for baseline. I am all clear. NO PESKY cysts. YEAH.

So, I walked in for my b/w and the nurse said "We have a few goody bags for you here" well those 3 bags contained my needles, Follistim Pen case, needles for the Pen, then a goody bag of Follistim, Repronex, Ovidril trigger shot, and some PIO. YEAH. I felt like I was trick-or-treating! That goody bag was a bag of GOLD if you ask me. Compliments of the INCIID the HEART scholarship program. So far this has been a small amount invested money wise.. 525.00 for anesthesia paid 2 weeks ago. about 320.00 for the Viagra suppositories and antibiotics for the retrieval and some Zanex(sp?). Then in hopes that we are blessed enough and have some embies to freeze this cycle.... that might cost us a bit. 2000.00 or more? not sure on that but I need to ask them just in case.

Minimal costs invested, but lot whole lot of EMOTIONS. I am scared. I am anxious, I am hoping and praying hard, I am , I am..... I am..... I want this cycle to work, I would love to be pregnant and share that with DH. I pray and ask God to bless us to get pregnant with a singleton and I sure hope that we are Blessed with that wish. I can't do twins due to history of miscarrying 2 different sets of twins from IVF's. I hope and pray we can get one to implant so my uterus can handle the stretching and not have the subchorionic bleeds as I did with the twin pgcy's. I hope and pray I can get pg and then enjoy being pregnant.

I took my friends advice and started Acupuncture this cycle. I went last night and really really enjoyed meeting the Doc. She is a chiropractor/acupuncturist. She went over my history and was very impressed I knew so much. She asked me if I was considering going into the medical field. I said Yes, I was. I said I would go to nursing school if I could afford it. But anyway.. she focused on my ovaries, uterine region, collar bones for stress, sinus region for stress and sinus pressure, then my head to touch on regions on my neck and back. I go back next Tuesday night and will also ask for an adjustment on my back. I can't wait. She told me not to expect to feel MAGIC when I walked out of there, but more of a feeling of a Balance in my body. I swear to you, after doing my deep breathing while doing the acupuncture, I was feeling so relaxed like I had just slept for 12 hours straight. I loved it. I am focusing on my blood flow through my body. Muscles working on relaxing, becoming whole again and feeling balanced and not out of whack. I like this. I wish I had tried it previous to now, but I am so glad Kelly referred me to the Doc's office.

I miss bloggin', I miss being able to come home and sit down and type out what I am thinking. I will work on at least blogging into an email to myself and post it quickly before I get home and go to bed after the 14.5 hours I have been working the last few weeks.

Oh, did I tell you about the great ticket I got? NO, not a F*cking concert ticket either... A nasty speeding ticket in Rock Hill MO. Jerk for a COP said I was doing 43 in a 30, but was going 5 miles an hour faster than the car in front of me. HELLO?! If I was going that fast and the guy in front of me was going 5 miles an hour Slower than me... duh, I would have hit the guy. Dumbass of a Cop he was. I want to fight it in court, but I can't afford to have the insurance get ahold of the ticket. Why you ask? Well, 3 things... My car accident in Dec '04 and DH's accident this past week. UGH. I have to go this week to get it fixed. I hope I can find a good ticket Lawyer. Court is the 24th and I have totally put this off since I have been working so much. Dang. OUCH on the cost too. OUCH. Me and my 50 lb foot will lay off the gas pedal more now. LOL

Ok, I hope you are are doing well in cyber land. Off to go browse the internet some and catch up.


GO CARDINALS. I have not given up on you and won't. I hope the FAT lady does not SING for us this year and allow us to bask in the shadow of that World Series Trophy.

damn, I miss this place.

so much so that I have been left speechless. LOL

No, I have lots to update, but will do so later tonight... tune in!

I miss the internet...loopy on lupron

Gosh.. how crazy is that? I am lost without being able to visit my regular sites on the internet.. with working these long crazy hours I am stuck without access to YOU all. LOL

Day 3 of lupron... going camping... I have to work Sunday afternoon after camping, but at least I get to get away for a few days. Adults only weekend! YEAH.


Blessings to you all. Prayers to everyone.

CHeers until next week.

I am alive, I am here, just not here on this page as much as I want to be.


Can't wait until Next Wednesday's LOST episode.


off to go smell up my clothes of a nice camp fire and a margarita or two. yum

did you miss me? I missed you all and the internet

well, I am done with 3 straight weeks of working 68-70 hours each. I am now only going to work Sunday nights 3-11, Monday nights 5-11 and Wednesday nights 5-11. I will still pull some nice OT since I work 8:30-4:30 M-F at the day part of the job, but as long as they are offering the OT I am taking it up to the retrieval week of our cycle. I will take that week off of the night part of the job for OT so I can focus on the retrieval and xfer the week starting the 28th of Oct!!!

I start lupron this Wednesday AM, I am still on bcp's and will be until the 9th. I am going to do follistim, repronex, viagra suppositories, dexamthasone and viatmins in the stim phase. I will then do PIO shots and E2/p4 suppositories in the 2ww. FUN.

I was feeling very very numb to this cycle, but for some reason today I have been given a boost in the good feelings department. I think it is because I saw several mom's that were formerly in the IF support group here in town. We walked for Natalie on the SLU campus here in St. Louis for cancer research. Natalie is an inspiration, battling breast cancer, she hugged me and told me she had a great feeling for DH and I with this IVF cycle. She inpires me to keep my hope no matter what we are faced with. Amazing. I am praying hard for her to get good news that her cancer is shrinking even more when her next visit comes along. It was so good to see Natalie, Lisa, Vicki, and Michele. I love you all. You remind me that my goal is to become a parent in all this. You all showed me that again today how strong that goal is now.

I miss browsing the internet. I miss reading all your blogs and updates online. I miss my cycle buds. YEAH.. It is finally OCTOBER.

Lets see, this month entails..... sadly 2 anniversaries of the losses of both sets of twins we miscarried. First anniv of the frist set of twins is on the 7th, that was from IVF#2 loss in 2002. Second loss of twins was on the 10th in 2003. I miss my angels. On a better note, we are camping next weekend(Adults only weekend). DH's 41st bday on the 21st. Oh and lets not forget.... OUR IVF cycle. Transfer might possibly be on HALLOWEEN hehe.. Thanks Vicki... that is a good day for a transfer.

Oh, btw, GO CARDINALS.............WE ARE THE CARDINAL NATION.............. GO CARDINALS. Tomorrow is the last regular home game in BUSH stadium ever. Sad, but I can't wait to go to the new ball park that is already 1/3 of the way done. We went to the game today and sat in the bleechers and had a blast.

GO CARDINALS.

relaxing

I took the day off. I have worked 67.5 hours last week and this week I put in 62.5 hours. I am off tonight so I can join my family camping at Mark Twain Lake for the weekend. Ahhhhh, feel the relaxing. Work is good. I took to the phones last night by myself after the phones got busy and took my mentor off to take her own calls. I think I did ok. I am still unsure of some things, but they will be learned over time.

Yet again, some of our offices in LA are in the path of this next hurricane, but not directly so far. If the hurricane stays west of the TX/LA line then we should be ok. Prayers to everyone involved in both states.

As far as the IVF cycle, I go in today at 3 pm to get my calendar to go over our cycle of when we start lupron, stims and such. I expect to do retrieval around the 28th or 29th of Oct. and possibly a Halloween day transfer!

I am getting excited, but also staying reserved to an extent. Being the 5th IVF fresh cycle, I am prepped on the most part of what to expect, but this is a new clinic for this fresh cycle so I am anticipating a few things to be slightly different.

I miss bloggin' I miss you all. I miss being online but I can't do that from work as they monitor us there now. Dang.

Next week should be a good week except for work..... WE found out yesterday that things are changing at our place of business.... merging with several other clubs and this could bring on LAYOFFS. I hope and pray that my job is not in the path of layoffs. If and only IF my boss RETIRES early then I would be in harms way, but you never know so my guard is up. With this hurricane and such costs of cleanup and claims, I fear layoffs of our sales force and travel departments. BUT if we merge with a company that already has an IT staff support then we would be in trouble. UGH. I hate limbo. I have to call into my co-worker in about an hour to see what the president said in their memo and MEET THE PRESISENT briefing meeting we are all attending over the next 3 days. I don't go to that meeting until Monday, but should know what is going on when I call my work to get the Email update. Wish us luck. I can't go without working. I have to know if we are secure in our jobs for now. We sure don't need this stress going into a cycle. HA.

More later or on Sunday when I get back from camping.

Bottoms up.

14 years.... really?

this past week, my husband and I celebrated (well not really since I worked all day and night at the job) our 14th wedding anniversary.

Sept 14th, 1991 was a VERY VERY HOT DAY. 94 degrees in ST. Louis. HOT, HUMID, with a church wedding (grade school church I grew up at) and a reception for 200 in my parents back yard on the same street as the church. St. Margaret of Scotland Church. A typical Catholic reception that killed 4 1/2 barrels of beer and 6 cases of cans of beer too. LOL Ask DH about the beer bongs he did that night at our reception.. ask him if he remembers ME driving his sad drunk ass to the hotel after the reception?! BUT he does rememeber what we did that night. HA

So since we did not get to celebrate our 14th anniversary together.... we are going to go to Las Vegas next year in 2006 to celebrate the HUGE milestone of 15 years. We will renew our vows. We will be remarried in an ELVIS chapel .... not sure which one... we will have a blast!

Happy 14th anniversary my dear hubby.

changes are sometimes not beneficial

I made more work for myself and I hate that.

I changed my name on this blog so I can reply with a name related to my blog and to have an email attached. Well, when I did that, for some odd reason (user problem obviously but don't want to admit it,LOL) I locked myself out of my own blog. Damn. LOL I had to work all week long from 8:30 am to 11 pm so my brain was fried this week and it took me until tonight to remember my damn sign-on and my password. I still could not remember my password so I had to request to change it. Doh.

Work is ok.. I am tired when I get home, but so tired that I am wired awake from the 11:30 home time to the falling asleep time of 1 am. I averaged 5 hours a night of sleep after being gone from the house for nearly 16 hours. BUT.. the big PLUS to this all is that my check is FAT with OVERTIME. I know, I know, Uncle Sam will have a nice chunk of that OT, but at least I will see some of it and at least I can count on that money being used against my out of pocket costs for the I N C I I D T H E H E A R T cycle of IVF. I am thrilled to know that we have minimal costs out of pocket. About 550.00 for the anesthesia, about 200 for meds for both DH and I, about 2000.00 for freezing and yes, I have hope that we have a chance at freezing some embies out of this all. I won't be crushed if we don't, but I will remain with hope for that to happen.

GOOOO CARDINALS. YEAH.. they CLinched today. It was fun watching the celebration in the clubhouse at Wrigley field. Shame we could not clinch here, but that is ok,,,, we will be here celebrating soon enough.

DH and I are going to the second to last game of the season on October 1st. I can't wait. I wish we could have gotten ticket for the last game, but I am going to beg DH to go down to the stadium on the 2nd and stand outside the gates and just listen to the game on a radio. At least we can say we were there for the LAST game. LOL we might have to get there EARLY to do that, but I am game. We also heard today that the current Bush Stadium will not be imploded.

ok, back later.

" Where were you when ________ happened?"

That is a question that seems to happen in different generations past, present and future.

My generation, "Where were you when the planes hit the World Trace Centers? "

See, I was not even born when Kennedy was Assassinated. So the question falls on me of where where you when.......

I was on my way to work listening to the local dj's when all of the sudden they said.. "Folks, you will not believe what we just heard about on the tv(they had in TV in studio watching the Today Show). They had seen the footage of the smoke coming out of the frist tower hit. I was in the parking lot when they said this. I rushed inside and turned on the radio again. Immediately told my boss what was happening and then my co-worker too. We rushed to log onto the internet and see if there was news of the craziness. I then proceeded to go down to the LHM chapel and say a few prayers. By this time they had a TV in their chapel and were watching and I looked up and GASPED.. It was the second plane going into the second tower. I about fell to the ground in shock. I was holding my hands over my mouth to hold in the screams. I was horrified. I saw that plane glide right into that building. I immediately said "terrorists" out loud along with 4 or 5 others in the chapel. I called my husband to make sure he was watching and he was and his voice cracked "This is a bad thing".

My Gosh, What was happening? Well, the rest of the day unfolded in tears. Every time I heard a new radio report, or possilble plane crashes(about 50 warnings happened that day throughout the day) then the Pentagon, then the other plane that crashed. We were under attack. I could hear the helicopters flying about outside my windows, Fighters jets were scrambled from Lambert Int'l Airport. All Air Traffic ceased then. I was listening to the radio when the DJ's said they saw the building crashing down. All they were saying was "OMG, the building is coming down" what a chill that ripped through my body. I thought that we were in trouble throughout our land. Again more reports of possible plane hijacking came across the wires, but really it was false alarms of planes that had not landed yet. I ran downstairs again to watch the TV and that was when the 2nd tower collapsed. I again covered my mouth with my hands to restrain from screaming out loud. I said to myself that we are going to have thousands dead and O s a m a was responsible for this. I said that to a co-worker and they thought I was crazy.

I watched the news channels for days, weeks, months and just cried. I donated through work for relief funds. I said my prayers and I felt helpless in all this.

I don't know anyone personally that was involved with the actual events, except a friend of my boss that worked at an affiliated club of ours. That friend of my boss asked us to just Pray.

Prayers can't completely heal the pain, but I know I did what I could and I know it helped someone somewhere in one way or another.

My boss visited Ground Zero a year later and brought back pictures of the nearly cleaned out hole that remains from the towers, but I could not say I felt the pain of those that are directly touched by the losses of their friends, family, etc.. I was sad, I ached, but I can't imagine what they all went through that day and weeks to follow.

I say a prayer again for those that were lost, for those that lost, and for those that still hurt.

9/11 Never forgotten

Sunday football kickoff..... Are you a Sunday Football Widow?

Do you become a widow on Sunday's and Thurday nights for Pro Football or even Saturday's for College Football?

Well, I am lucky and can say that I am not a football widow. In fact my husband (dh) is on the couch snoozing right now. He is not a huge fan of football. He watches it, but could miss a game a not be upset.

Are you a FOOTBALL SUNDAY WIDOW? Does your DH take off to the buddy's house and have their Sunday afternoon football party without you?

My family mostly comprises of Baseball fans. GO CARDINALS, METS ARE POND SCUM. SOme of our family comprises of Hockey fans, well you all know we have tainted tastes in our mouths from this past FAILED hockey season. Some are Nascar Fans. .... very few are Football fans.

Are you a Widow on Football Sunday's?

mouth watering...............

DH and I camp, but we don't rough it. We camp with a travel trailor. We have had long nights on an air mattress and went sleepless in a tent so we had decided back in 1999 to buy a pop up camper. We then upgraded from that to a 19 foot pull behind travel trailor (paid off and made money on that trade) to upgrade yet again to a 31 foot trailor. I love it. It is paid for due to the fact we are in this scholarship program and that freed up our funds from our tax refund this year and put it into our 31 foot coachman and we are surely enjoying it, thank goodness we sold the 19 foot trailor on Ebay!!! Most importantly, we can take our doggies and they live in it like luxury. We humans don't spent much time in it since I am a camp fire lover myself so the dogs rule the roost there.

What made my mouth water today? well, we went to The Mills Mall today and enjoyed the 95 degree heat, NOT, to climb in and out of at least 150 different travel trailor models on the grounds from the dealers and then enjoyed walking up into and sitting in the BUS luxury house on wheels. That one ran about the price of 280,000 dollars. OMG.. It was DA HOUSE......... I was in heaven.. but I can only imagine the gasoline that goes into a tank in that thing. LOL

We can't buy anything now, not at least for 2 or 3 years, but it is fun going and seeing the NEW ideas manufacturers have when putting together a new travel trailor.

One day.


Come on POWERBALL. LOL

and the flood gates opened..... Who said this was a SCHOLARSHIP program anyway?

Well, the flood gates of bills came falling upon my house today. The billing company for Dr. A (fertility doc) send DH and I two individual bills for our last visits. DH's SA =$230.00 Well, we have not had to pay for these b4. So why the hell are we getting billed for this now. So now I get to call the billing coordinator and bioth her out. Man, I just knew this windfall would happen.

Sooo, then the second envelope is mine and addressed to me for my sonohystiogram(sp?) aka fluid US. Well... after reading about 8 lines of different costs... the total of the billing comes to 1350.00. Yes, ONETHOUSANDTHREEHUNDREDFIFTYDOLLARS AND ZERO CENTS. HELLO?! I have diagnostic coverage insurance for IF. WHY THE HELL are they billing me for this? WTF? I was to only pay for the 50.00 office co-pay my insurance requires that I pay for diagnostic coverages.

This boils my blood. Makes my head steam. I have to sit here all weekend and look at these fucking bills and STEW over them all weekend. I HATE THIS. Sure... I can call them on Monday and ask them to resubmit them, but I just feel the backlash I will be getting from the billing coordinator saying "No, You must submit them to the insurance company for reimbursement, so pay us NOW!" ..... BIOTCH.. I can't pay you now. I pay higher premiums for my insurance and thus I have NO cash to give you right now.

So... what will the ramifications be if we can't pay this money to them up front to wait for me to submit the bills to insurance (which I will surely as hell fight tooth and nail for them to submit them NOT ME!) well the ramifications will be that we would need to postpone the cycle due to having to figure out billing problems first before we can do our GRANTED//// SCHOLARSHIP ITH program cycle.

This calls for a Ring-a-ding-ding to the DOCTOR himself. I am furious and I don't need this stress in prep to my cycle. I am less than a month away from starting lupron and this happens?! WTF

Oh Go ahead and wash my mouth out for being such a sailor potty mouth, I DON'T CARE.
I am PISSED OFF. What do they think? My FUCKIN' insurance card in in the folder photo copied and STAPLED to the font page so how can you miss it? And if this justifies cancelling my cycle now and moving it until the NEW YEAR, I will go BALLISTIC. I will open a can of WHOOPASS on this chick that thinks she is smart to just go ahead and bill this raging hormonal ANGEL of a woman (me) right now.

Ok, deep breath....

Better... ahhhhhhhhhh

OK, I am better. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I am going to chat with a few fellow Scholarship buddies to see if they had such bad billing problems in prep to a virtually FREE IVF cycle. LOL

(i n c i i d t h e h e a r t program)

This clinic has offered their services up to those reciepients and should know better than to PIIIISSSSS us off. hehe... I am not made at the program, just the billing situation like this.




if you want more details... leave your email address and I can answer any questions you might have.

the irony of birth control pills.

when a girl comes of age these days, it is a common thing to have them put on bcp's at a young age. That is a story I will stray from with my comments,except that I was one of them due to excessive bleeding in my AF's... not because of being sexually active :0.

Well, after taking them for nearly 15 years, I went off bcp's to get in gear for ttc.

While on them, I gained weight, but never had symptoms of PCOS or Endometriosis. So in a way it was good for me, yet evil to me all those years.. meaning it would catch up to me eventually for holding off those PCOS and Endo problems all those years. I also had a septated uterus and did not know it, my STUPID OB said it was just because I was the Unlucky girl that had heavy bleeding... well if the dumbass would have done an ultrasound, they would have known I had a septated uterus and PCOS too. ENdo is not something that is detectable by US.

My GOODDOCTOR OB/gyn I have now said that it is true that my Endo could have started because I had retrograde bleeding through my tubes into my abdomen for many years due to the excessive bleeding with each AF I had. With my severe Septated uterus, I had Double the amound of endometruim tissue to bleed out each cycle. Mind you I would use about 3 boxes of 40 count tampons and about 40 pads doubled up for 8-10 days while bleeding from my period each month. EACH MONTH. That blood not only came out vaginally, but it came out into my abdomen all those years and is most likely the culprit for my severe stage IV endometriosis and badly damaged tubes *thus 2 tubal ectopic pregnancies*.

Sorry I am rambling.. but my point in all this is that in order to suppress my endo and pcos, it is suggestive I be on bcp's 24/7 356 days a year.

Today I am on week 3 of my bcp's in prep to my 5th Fresh and Final IVF cycle. I have not had one symptom of PCOS and Endo pains. BUT... after I get off them to start lupron... BOOM.. there every symptom will be again. soooooooooo what is the temporary cure for this? GETTING PREGNANT.

Yes... BCP's can be beneficial and yet used to help get me pg! bahahahahaha

does this all make sense?

well, it finally happened

our suspicions of the bil and sil having problems ttc came to the full truth. We were right. Sooo it is known and I am there for them in any way possible. DH was very supportive of my bil and told him to come talk to us any time.. OH.. the big kicker here....... drum roll please..... they are seeing the SAME RE as we are... OMG.. I could only imagine.. I would have walked in the office in a few weeks for my calendar review for this coming FRESH IVF cycle and my luck would be that I would have found my SIL and or both my sil and bil in the lobby. would that have been a shocker.. OMG. DH was LOL when bil told him that they were seeing a doctor named... A h l e r i n g on ballas rd. hehe.. I am sad that they are having such problems because it means that IF has rocked both sides of our families now. I hate that. I do wish them well in their treatments. I do want them to know we are here for them any time as they need it.

Camping this past weekend was a blast. OOOHHHUYUUMMMMMM the margaritas that BIL made were delish! Still licking my lips of that wonderful taste. Jose Quervo is delish... man. I did not sleep well so I crashed the last 2 nights at home and still feel tired. LOL Camp fires are the best. Thanks to the Gilly's for providing the fire wood. I promise I will pay you back. Oh and I made my famous tuxedo chocolate covered strawberries for everyone and they ate them up!

I managed to take 96 digital pictures of the fun. Also we have other family members that took as many so we have over 300 pictures so far to share online. hehe now if I can only manage to print some to put a scrap book together.. Yup, scrapbook! LOL

The doggies had a blast camping and did really good as to not bark too much at the stranger family members they did not really know. Of course they know grandma and did not bark at her since she slept in the camper with us. On Sunday I counted as many as 29 people there. WOW! Great job to my DH for putting this together. I can't wait until the next trip. The talk is to either travel for camping in Atlanta GA or Denver Colorado! I vote and will keep voting for Denver Colorado!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, off to water my much neglected house plants and clean the green fish tank. Poor fish.