remembering our angel babies

July (16) 1999 = ectopic in left tube from natural conception/Angel #1(tube was most likely blocked from severe endometriosis that doctors were never smart enough to discover although I sure had the symptoms and complained my ass off to them about. )

February 8 2000 = miscarriage/lost heartbeat of one healthy baby boy angel at 8w1d pg(testing showed a healthy male fetus, but upon hysteroscopy/d&c to remove the demised fetus from our womb it was noted that the fetus most likely passed due to implantation on the uterine septum I was born with. Angel #2

October 2000 = ectopic # 2 in right (good) tube from an IUI/Clomid cycle. It took 2 laporoscopy surgeries in 2 months to save me from septic shock due to molar tissue growth of the pgcy removal in the tube that grew on the bladder, bowls, abdominal walls. I lost the right tube and we took out the bad blocked left tube. Hence TUBELESS. Angel #3

October 7th 2002 = miscarriage of twins at 8w3d due to large subcorionic hematoma. One fetus was a healthy girl, but we will never know the other fetus's gender due to the nurse being a dumbass and not sending the sample to the lab properly. Angels #4 and 5.

October 10 2003 = miscarriage of twins at 10w due to large subchorionic hematome in the uterus again! No genders were able to be determine due to contamination from the urinal I delivered them in. Angels # 6 and 7

July 2005 = Chemical pregnancy from our Frozen Embryo Transfer. Highest beta was a 12.9. Angel # 8

November 27th 2005 at 12:10 am.... = Miscarriage of one heatly 6w1d embryo due to another LARGE bleed. Angle # 9

Fun Foto Friday

my dining room table = I never see the table top

Why is it that the dining room table is the center point of collection for all stuff?! Yes, I unearthed my dining room table today in a few spots. Do you  have this problem too? I hate not having it available for dinner or even doing Julia's school projects. I am going to make it a point to keep it cleaned off for the most part. I coupon so my binder and supplies tend to sit on there. The Halloween bag of candy is on there too for now. Newspaper, but that is being donated to school, year books from both hubby and I, I need to find a shelf to put them on without the kids can get into them (I have toddlers running around here a few days a week).

thoughts of a failed adoption in poem form: 

A failed Adoption:
September 22 2013 will never be far from our hearts


We were set in our lives to be a family of three,
We were not seeking out a situation being I am 43, 
We were ok with the idea of camping with it just being us on the family tree.
We didn't expect to be in the middle of prepping for a bundle of joy to become a family of four,
we embraced it and hoped it would bring us to a family with much love, more and more, 
but her decision to parent was her choice, we respect, but man,  it hurt to the core!

trying to post to this blog again. Is it live? Every time I try to post, it is like it disappears.

Here is a picture of our Beautiful 6 year old daughter! She turned 6 in September.