Thanks for that phone call from PAT

T , a fellow in town mom and blogger, mentioned PAT on her blog and that reminded me to note that we FINALLY got a call back from the local PAT rep.

We have a meeting in our house on March 26th at 6 pm with the local St. Louis parent educator at our house. I am excited to finally get to meet them, but dang it took so long for them to get back with me. I called them in the beginning of January and they called back and left me a message stating that several parent educators had left the organization, Thus it would be a few weeks before someone got back to me. Well after several weeks they did call and we booked an in person meeting finally.

I am eager to learn things I can help teach our daughter and excited to watch her grow from our learning and teaching her new things.

Has anyone ever attended their Parent group meetings? If so, how are they? What should I expect from the meetings?

I have always dreamed of being able to invest in my child's future by helping her learn and be creative. What an exciting thing I can share with her, as well as DH too. We waited for so long for her to come into our lives and now I want to make sure her eduction and skills are continually growing and shaping her for a functional future in our society. I had a strict catholic education for 12 years, but I did not follow through with going to college until much later into my 20's and 30's. I want to show our daughter that she can attend what elementary school fits her needs and whatever college can help her attain the education she deserves. I know, you might be thinking, "gosh, tubeless is sure trying hard to plan out her daughters future already when her daughter is only months old", but I defend myself in knowing that if you set your mind to something (especially things family is proud of), such as a great education, then you can achieve that and enjoy life too!

Wordless Wednesday

peek-a-boo

can you view this scrapbook?

Make a scrapbook - it's easy!

Friday Five (things to never wish upon anyone else)

1) I am allergic to shell fish so I can never (until medical science can find a new contrast) have a full CT Scan due to being allergic to the contrast dye they use to inject into your system to have the Cat Scan work fully to find out what is wrong with you, if anything. (I could not have a full ct scan when admitted to the hospital on Feb 2nd. anaphylactic shock is not an option for me to undergo this type of procedure. )

2) I can't ever have a flu shot. I am allergic to the carrier that the flu shot is in. (which apparently this flu shot given this season does not cover 3/4 of the strains of the flu out there, so it wouldn't have helped anyway according to the CDC.)

3) I am a bad stick for IV sites. Just ask the nurses at Des Peres Hospital. My poor right arm still aches.

4) Having the flu just after abdominal surgery is not the best feeling. Mother nature is cruel in having one sit on the throne and heave in a bucket at the same time!

5) Having surgery and the flu in the same week is not the best way to lose 10 lbs.

Let your imagination title this blog post.

one day at a time one meal at a time.

ugh.. don't eat chinese food only 2 weeks after having gall bladder surgery. Lets just say that you will have lots of trips to the bathroom to sit on the throne after you eat it. High fat foods (chicken low mein and egg rolls) did me in. Ugh Raising White surrender flag on that episode.

Sorry to bore you with my life right now, but it is the light of my day to share how I am feeling. LOL read on if you wish.

Today I woke up at 5 am to feed the dogs. All 4 dogs. yes, we are dog sitting for my MIL. See, MIL moved out that same weekend I had my gall bladder surgery. She didn't move but a few blocks away so we are closest to dog sit for her. She had knee surgery today and needed someone to watch Bailey for a few days. Thank goodness she gets along with our pups. It is a bug play fest in here tonight.

After I fed the dogs, I went back to bed for about 45 minutes. Then it was time to get Julia up for her feeding and changing ...I then turned her over to DH to drive to the sitters house. I am still not up for having her home all day while I recoup from this surgery and flu bout. But I think I might keep her home Friday. I'll see about that.

After DH left with Julia, I went back to bed again. I slept from 8 am until 11:30 am. Ahhh. nice. Refreshed.

I then prepped the house for the social worker visit tonight for our post placement of Julia. This is month 4 of our follow ups and will be our last in person meeting until Julia's finalization date in court on April 16th. Yes, We got a court date for her adoption finalization. I need to chat with DH about putting a small family party together for celebrating her Forever Day with us. See, the social worker just needs to confirm with us that we want to keep Julia and if she wants to keep us. Well of course we said YES!

Ok, off to bed.

socks and thumbs

How the heck can I find socks that stay on my daughter's feet? I have found the hide-a-socks (booties) are best, but now she found her feet and tends to pull them off easier. Her feet are skinny and long with no good heel bulk to keep socks on. So we fight trying to keep them on by pulling long knee high type socks over her pants if the outfit does not have built in feet. How do I combat this? I know, not a major issue, but should I invest in some shoes (like robeez) to use over her socks? Will the robeez be too big? Do they make them size 0? I know some say to not put shoes on a baby until they can walk, but what did you do to keep their socks on?

My daughter has found her thumb. Interesting that she did not suck her thumb when first born, but has not picked up the habit. What is up with that?


off to the doc tomorrow for myself. I am thinking I have more going on in my chest (lungs) and don't want to know if it will cause more delays in going back to work. I'll post more tomorrow. I see both the primary doc and the surgeon for post surgery check up. My incisions (scope port holes) are healing up finally and my abdomen is not to sore, but I continue to fight this flu and I think bronchitis now. I don't have the level of energy yet I wish to see, but I know that will come in time. Those danged antibiotics I got by IV sure killed my taste buds and due to that I have lost another 2 lbs. Since surgery I have lost 11 lbs. WoW.

Cheers and be careful out there if you are having the nasty weather we are here in St. Louis.

feeling more human as the days tick

DH took Julia to the sitter today and I am sleeping in (Well, up for a potty break). I feel much better today. I am sore, don't get me wrong, this was one of the most painful abdominal surgeries I have ever had. And I have had a few with the infertility treatments and partial hysterectomy.

TMI TMI WARNING (too much info below if you don't know what IMI means!)

I had to call to get an rx for a yeast infection. Yes, after 5 days of being on IV antibiotics, I have had to call for help. I never knew a woman could get an infection this bad, but oh it is.

Oh and another thing is my taste buds are whacked out. I know it is also from the antibiotics that killed the infection I had in my belly after surgery. BUT it stinks to not enjoy simple foods.

I have to find a low fat diet to stick to. Any suggestions?

As some of you know, a rather unpleasant side effect of gall bladder removal surgery is the bowel movement issues you have. Ugh. Lets just say I was told to take immodium on a daily basis for a while until my system is healed up in a few weeks time.

Any food suggestions would be great.


Ok, back to bed until the doc calls with my prescription ready at Walgreens


BTW, DH, I can't thank you enough for taking care of Julia while I was sick in the hospital those days and now me too while home.

hello from home

I finally made my way home today via DH! Yeah. Ok, I'm ready to take a nap. I am exhausted.

Well Des Peres Hospital has my residency!

I have been a resident of Des Peres Hospital since Saturday night. I went home Friday from surgery and by Saturday night I spiked a fever and had to come back to the emergency by 10:30 Saturday night. I hope to get out of here tomorrow, but I'll not hold my breath on that one. I think I have a combination of the flue and an infection in my belly where the gall bladder was removed. I have luckily had my mom bring up her laptop today so I could check my mail



I hope you all are well.


I hate missing my daughter and husband. The nurse suggested they should not come up here ... too many sick with the flu. Ugh. I miss them so much.

My Uncle passed away yesterday morning. I hate that I can't be there for his funeral.

I'll post when I get home soon. send some healing vibes if you can.

bye bye gall bladder

I was rushed to the hospital by some co-workers yesterday due to another gall bladder attack. It started around 9 am with pain and belching really bad. I finally gave in around noon and asked my boss to have someone drive me and my car to the hospital. Within a few hours I was taken back to surgery. My blood pressure had reached 170/111. They asked me if I was in lots of pain... Well Hell Yes. So at 3 pm I was in surgery for about 1 hour. They were able to get it removed through the laporoscopy (did I spell that right? After years of Infertility and surgeries one would think I could spell the type of surgery I had.

Ok, off to bed.

Oh, while I was at home tonight sleeping the pain off, DH woke me up to tell me he and Julia were heading to the hospital due to Julia having wiggled out of her strap on the changing table. DH said he had gone to let the dogs in while she was on the changing table and he said he heard a thud and crying. Ugh. He just called and said that she checked out ok. I called our social worker from our agency to let them know and to ask a few questions about reporting this. I am sure she will have a bump for a few days, but thank goodness she is ok.


Ok, I am ready for some sleep. I'll post more tomorrow on both of us.

Wordless Wednesday

baby, u r a star but mamma is falling apart

I flunked my hidascan for my gall bladder. Ejection/fraction rate for the dye to leave my gall bladder was only 17% and it should have been more than 70%. So I have to schedule surgery soon. After having 5 abdominal laproscopic surgeries related to my infertility, I know what it takes to prep for surgery and recovery, but I just hate the idea of any surgery on my body!

My daughter is growing like a weed.

At 4 months 2 days,
she weighs 13.1 lbs.(50 percentile)
she is 25.5 inches long.(80percentile)
and has a 50 percentile head circumference



my poor sister is sick too. man, we all need some healing vibes

How early did your baby's teeth come in?

Yes, this has turned to a parenting blog... So fair warning.


How old was your baby when s/he got their first tooth?

I am curious because I was told that one of Julia's birthsiblings got his first tooth around the age of 4 months and I swear Julia is going to have a tooth or two pop through in a few weeks time. She has no buds showing on the gums yet, but she was chewing on my fingers yesterday and I could feel very hard spots in her upper gums. Hummm, I wonder if she too will be presenting mommy and daddy with some teeth early.

I know, not all kids will be the same on teeth presentations in their sweet little mouths, but how old was your child when they did get their first tooth?

We now call her Droolia instead of Julia because she can soak a bib in 5 minutes. I had to invest in the plastic backed bibs from target these past few weeks and she goes through several bibs a day sometimes.

No complaints here, just curious how fast or slow some babies can get their teeth in.

see, she has drool everywhere! And this was between bib changes that she drooled this much.

Happy 4 months my sweetie

My sweet baby girl is 4 months old today. 10:22 pm was her birth on 9/27/07. I was in the delivery room when she was born and let me tell you I replay that moment in my mind over and over and just smile.

What a blessing her birthmother has given us. What a blessing it has been that a friend through the infertility support group in town (former) emailed us about Julia's birthmother while we were in Colorado facing a failed match in June 2007. And shortly after that, what a blessing that we were selected by Julia's birthmother to become her Adoptive parents.

I thank God for you every Day, Julia. You have made us a family instead of just being a couple. (I don't discount the days as a couple, because that is what brought us to you.)

You are the light of our lives and I am so thankful for you and your birthmother.

the telling tale

while Julia grows up, I try and find ways to incorporate her birth story and tidbits about her birthfamily every day.

Of course reading adoptive parenting books can work for some and I'll be honest and say I have learned a few things, but it is so a challenge of how I will construct every detail of her coming into this world and how much her birthmother loves her and how at that time in her life her birthmother made a decision that best fit into her life of not being able to care for her. Sometimes things just don't fit into place for everyone. I was there with our many miscarriages. They never had a proper time to hit in life, but we made plans to help get us through things and had Julia's brithmother not made the decision to make an adoption plan, we would not know this lovely little girl falling asleep next to me on the couch. Yes, I will be able to tell that part of her life story to her so maybe one day she can tell that story to family and friends if she wishes, but I want to make sure I keep doing that in life and sometimes I fear I will forget details.

I know one day she will come to me and ask me to explain her story to her again and then again. I will do that. I will do the best of my ability to recall every detail. I don't want her to ever think she was not wanted, because that is the farthest from the truth. She was so much wanted by all of her birthfamily, but things in her birthmothers life were just not fitting together to be able for her and them to be able to parent her. They wish for her to have a happy life, clothes, food, etc. That will be done and with so many thanks to her birthfamily for accepting us into their lives to take on that task and life story for Julia.

I pray for Julia's birthmother each day. I don't know how she is doing in life right now. We have seemingly gone from an open adoption relationship to a semi-open with just letters and pictures being sent to the agency for now. This is part of the process. We understood this from the social worker that this open to semi-open or even closed relationship can fluctuate from time to time. It is hard to accept it, but I know Julia's birthmother is thinking of her each day. I know my prayers are reaching her too.

I have to head to work. I'll edit this post tonight and talk more about it then.

scan done now I wait

ahhh, don't you like it when you have to wait for medical test results? The tech told me today it would be 2 business days b4 my scans get to my GI docs office. Ok, so if I don't hear from them by Tuesday, I;ll call them.

that scan reminded me in so many ways all the scans and procedures I had while going through all the infertility diagnostic steps to find out what was wrong with me and even the feeling of laying on the table (no, no stirrups were needed today) full glory hanging out for egg retrievals. Fun. Ask me about that if you want more details.

I got out of the scan in not so much pain, but more dull pain and a mean freaking headache from not eating from 5 am until 2:30 pm . tylenol is my buddy.

Ok a busy weekend ahead. I hope to bring you more of some sweet julia sweetheart pictures.

Like this one:

hidascan

I have a hidascan today to test my gall bladder to see if it the cause of my hospitalization this past week. I will hopefully post later this evening after the procedure, if not, well then I might be in surgery having it taken out if it is bad. Wish me the first option please!

I was told originally to not eat after midnight last night, but I called to confirm a few things about the test yesterday and the tech told me I could eat or drink up until 7 am this morning. Well, I had toast around 5 am so I hope that is ok. I could not fathom not eating from midnight until 1 pm this afternoon. I would have been passed out on the deck of the scanning machine and have a nasty headache to boot. I am so glad I called to confirm this and a also to find out where I had to go. The tech was a little nasty with me on the phone for not knowing these things, but I told her the doc nor the nurse told me what to do. People, come on.. that is why I called you to confirm. Biotch.

Ok, on a better note. DH got me a new palm pilot for xmas. I can't wait to get the thing set up, but for some odd reason my poor old decrepit Dell desktop is fighting me tooth and nail to get this synced up or even letting me install a new version over the old one. I WILL WIN THIS BATTLE Mr. Palm Pilot. Yes. I call it a Mister because men are stubborn and this palm is acting just like that. Ha

On the note of children, my daughter has learned how to full out giggle so hard she snorted last night. LOL

She also started eating apple sauce. She is not sure if she likes it or not, but I mixed it in with her cereal and she is doing ok with it so far. I can't wait to see how big she is on the scale at the docs next week. I know she is super long. Is 25 inches tall/long HUGE for the age of 4 months?

Wordless Wednesday

recovering after a hospital stay

we still don't know what is wrong with me, but I spent Thursday night in the ER at St. Anthony's from 6:30 pm until 1 am and then was admitted. I just got home tonight.

I think I am having gall bladder attacks, but they can't seem to figure it out yet. more on that tomorrow.

I am not digesting food well tonight after not having food since noon on Thursday. Ick.

I hope to avoid the ER again and book my hidascan either on Monday or Tuesday. Wish me luck. I hear it is painful.

They did rule out a stomach ulcer with todays endoscopy. Fun.

Ok, Julia is sleeping and I am going to catch some winks myself.

Stay well and away from the ER if you can. I am sure trying to avoid it again.

wordless wednesday (kinda late)

Eff you Tyra...

Apparently Tyra Bnaks put out a call for a future show.. Oh I can't wait to find out when it is on so I can tivo it and then get on every resourceful phone, email letter writing jog I can to rip her a new ARSEHOLE. I hear words flying throughout the infertility community that Tyra did wrong by those on the show that were really there for educational purposes and those people got rubbed the wrong way by her and the producers. BIOTCH Let me at her. Dare her to hurt our cyber friends this way. I am waiting for a new update from one of their blogs to tell me when the show airs. I'll post it for you too.

Now if I watch the show and Tyra really does in good heart help these ladies/men struggling to building their families, them I'll take back my words, but from what I get out of the cyberworld info, it might not be a very nice show ... maybe one of the most offensive shows to us in the Infertility, Miscarriage, Adoption communities.

Adoption for some is not a cure all for those with infertility or miscarriages.

Surrogacy for some is not a cure all.

Heck, do you really know what it costs to go through 5 fresh IVF cycles? I do

Heck, Do you really know what it costs for a gestational surrogate? I do, I did my research. go ahead and ask me in a comment here. I'll tell you what my research found in the cost department that this Average Joe household income can't even touch with a 500 foot pole.

Heck, Do you (Tyra) know how wrong it is to tell an infertile couple to "just Adopt" Oh let me tell you that Oprah made that mistake and made an uproar in the IF / Adoption community. The wrong PC thing to say to any couple dealing with losses of fertility and miscarriages and failed adoptions. Just wrong.

Producers of these types of shows, shame on you for not interviewing the infertile couple out there first before diving into a show and really making some bad judgement calls on topics and such.

Ok more on this later when I find out the date that Tyra Banks has scheduled her show for.

if you have heard of when this show will air, please post to me here.

Bahahaha.... A birthday funny

this was posted to me in a forum I belong to. TOO FUNNY.




Yes, a young 38 I turn today. It was a great day of being pretty lazy. I slept in, Thanks to my DH! I woke up to my daughter smiling at me from her daddy's arms. I had fun being a lazy butt on the couch and some on the floor with Julia playing on her blanket. I did do a few loads of laundry, or at least started them. I got the new U2 Joshua Tree collection (funny thing was that DH wrapped my gift up in Julia's blanket! hahaha too cute.) and I have a birthday cake waiting for me that DH baked. Lemon cake with cream cheese frosting. It has an Over the Hill candle that plays the funeral march song (dh is funny!ha) and a Little Mermaid candle and two candles to show my age, but DH was trying to be funny and put the candles on there to say I am 83 instead of 38. Bah

One of the most precious gifts I have today is our daughter, Julia!

Thank you for a great day and weekend of celebrating. We went to the movies to see Juno on Friday night, we went to dinner at Latawata Creek grill in IL last night and today was a nice day at home. Ahhh. I wish I had taken tomorrow off to sleep in again.

Julia's first roll over

Let me know if you can't view this video. I've been having a hard time finding an online service to upload it to so I could post it here for you all to see. I was just checking my camera for previous photos and videos when I noticed Julia flipping over. I got 3/4 of her flip. She had already flipped to her side and I got her on video flipping back over.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

sweet jeezus, she rolled over tonight by her self

i promise video tomorrow night

Thanks to the Blues

we had great seats and a great night at the hockey game.
We won 1 to 0.

Fun.

GO BLUES

I'm not sure where our seats are, but who cares! There is not a bad seat in Savvis!

Julia is not going, she is staying home with grandma.

Daddy's little girl

(this post jumps all over the place, sorry to make you try and keep up)

I swear, Julia has her daddy wrapped around her little finger! She loves sitting on his chest facing him and talking to him. It is so cute to watch.

Julia has found her voice and loves to exercise it both is joy and frustration. She surprises herself with high pitched sounds and then gets excited after she hears that pitch. LOL Today she was in giggles talking to her daddy and her grandma. Grandma said she loves talking to Julia the most when she is on her changing table. Yes, something with the changing table transforms Julia into a chatterbox. She lifts her legs high into the air and then chatters up a storm. Waving her arms around too, she is almost telling us a fun story.

Julia ate her first real serving of Rice Cereal with a spoon. Oh she took to it right away. I got it on video, but honest, I won't post it here due to those that like to critique my house> LOL We were undecorating from Christmas and it was messy. I sat her in her bumbo seat with the tray attached and she took the first little bit and spit it out, but then she quickly smacked her lips asking for more. I tried and she did take it in and swallowed it. I continued to give her little 1/4 baby spoon fulls. She ate it up. Watch out. The girl has an appetite to beet the bandit. Now we will do her cereal with a little bit of a bottle at night. Not to help her sleep, but to satisfy her hunger. She is ravenous lately.

This coming week I will make my call to Parents as Teachers.

This coming week I hope to get to the root of all of the toys in her nursery she got for Christmas. Yes, I have not opened them all yet, nor gotten batteries put in all the toys yet.

Hey, a question for fellow moms out there. Is it worth purchasing rechargeable batteries for her toys? or should I stick with just buying Duracell? (yes, I have proven tested most of the techie equipment at work works best with Duracell.

We hope to be able to celebrate a late Christmas in the next week or so with Julia's birthmother and family. I hope she calls soon. I miss seeing them.

I must say, after waiting so long to become a parent, Julia has made my Holidays so much brighter and so much more enjoyable. The empty feeling of missing a child in our lives has been filled. Even DH said tonight "She makes our lives complete". Ahhhh.
I will say that I look forward to having her on my hip for celebrating my birthday next weekend. Fun.

Oh, I need to plug a trivia night. If any of you are interested in a fun trivia event, the local Infertility and Adoption support group is hosting a trivia night in February. Please go to their web site to check out coming details. Post here or email me if you need details.
I can't wait.


Bec

Thank you 2007!

man oh man, a nice wind storm is blowing out the old 2007 And blowing in the new 2008 season. hehe.. I know, cheezy, but fun to say when the wind storm is really whipping it up out there.

Happy New Year.

Let 2008 be the year of your dreams come true. 2007 was for us!

sure, there were bad happenings in 2007 on several fronts (even up to the last minute), but I won't let that get me down anymore. 2008 is full steam ahead without any resolutions, except to enjoy what we do have.

Love of a little girl in our lives!

my beautiful bumbo baby

she got this for Christmas from us. Of course we had to open it for her (out of the box and not wrapped, hehe)...



She loved it and still does.

Happy 3 months my baby girl

Don't fuss at me, but I don't have any pictures uploaded to post yet. BUT, I have to wish my baby girl a Happy 3 month Birthday.

She is growing fast, but is dealing with having a head cold. Yuck. I feel for her. She is not running a fever, but is a crank-butt. I just want to hold her 24/7. I asked my mother-in-law to watch her here at home tomorrow instead of sending her to the sitters house. I want her to have a nice calm day and plus she will have one more day to help recover before heading back to the sitters. The doc's office said we don't give her anything, just let it runs it's course. We had to lift her mattress up on one end and added a humidifier to her room. She is sitting on daddy's lap watching the doggies play on the floor. She will recover. As will Dh and I from our head cold/sinus issues too. We all feel kinda yucky. MIL seems to be ok though.

Ok, Christmas was a blast. Julia cleaned up on the toys and cash. OMG. Her piggy bank is rich!

Lets put it this way, She got so many toys that I had to go out and buy some batteries. Fun.

Ok, I got several great gifts too. DH got me a new palm pilot. Sweet. But what I most wanted and got was an iPod nano (4 g). I am charging it now and am working on finding the install instructions for the music and photos.

DH got a Wii game and several blueray dvd's, a cardinals calendar and a Wii rechargable battery pack. He also got some cash too. Nice.

Ok, off to help give cranky-butt a bath and feed her.


see you all later.

Prayers to all the IF cyclers and perspective Adoptive parents

This is the hardest season for many who are trying to have a baby through fertility treatments and those that are on the waiting list or searching for a potential birth family to be matched with.

When I was doing treatment cycles with the RE (reproductive endocrinologist), I always dreaded the holiday season. I just could not get into it. I do 3/4 of the shopping needed for nieces and nephews so it was something I did dredge through each year. Don't get me wrong, I am appreciative of my friends and family and the gifts they gave, but there was always something missing.

I feel for you, all of you, that are still out there trying to grow your family in one way or another. I know you want to just curl up in bed to a really bad movie (non-IF/adoption of course), but we know many of you have to put on that smile and go do the wifely thing and try to celebrate.

Several years I celebrated with a drink or two in my hands to help dull the pain of being childless at that point in time in my life. Please don't feel alone, like you are the only one out there in this pain. We IF'ers and perspective adoptive parents know that there is a quiet community of fellow sisters out there that really do understand your pain. (I will always be infertile without a uterus now. I also have one embryo in the cryo-lab waiting for a gestational surrogate. )

I worried that the pain would never go away. It took many years of heartaches, miscarriages and pain to get to a point of having a sense of joy. Please don't give up hope. I know, some may say "whatever, she has a baby now so why would she say this", but I have been there and let me tell you sometimes you won't see the light at the end of the tunnel during the Holiday Season. The waiting sucks and the worries can drive one insane. Please lean on me and your fellow sisterhood that does understand where you are. I admit that what I was trying to conceive and while waiting to adopt sometimes I needed to hear those stories of success to know it really can happen for us. We would reach our ultimate goal of becoming parents.

I say my prayers for all of you each day. I say a prayer for those trying to add to their families too. Maybe DH and I will be there again one day soon when we try to have a second child.

May you have some warmth in your hearts knowing we are here for you.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

oh where has the time gone?

by day of the month, Julia is 12 weeks old. 3 months. Her Birth-day is the 27th of the month, but 12 weeks has already passed on days of the months. Amazing. I would predict that she is weighing in around 12 or 13 lbs now. I'll have to do the home scale measurement since she does not go back to the doc until Jan 28 or so.

Her recent milestones are as follows.

She is ticklish. If I tickle her under her arms on her sides, she wiggles back and forth if I go side to side. Well, tonight I did that and she started to giggle really hard. DH and I and my MIL (who lives with us now) all laughed out loud. It was so cute. I wish I had the video camera on her when she did that.

Julia is also starting to grab at things and grasp a hold of them. Like the toys on her Jumperoo. She sat there 2 nights ago and reached her hand out and put her fingers out and then wrapped them around the bead on the slide bar. I asked my MIL to watch her do that and she could not believe Julia is doing this already.

Julia has officially grown out of her newborn clothes about 2 weeks ago and is now starting to fit very snug in her 0-3 month button up sleepers. Almost too snug that we might have to go with 3 or 3-6 month sleepers. She is not fat, just very very long. Heck, when she went in the day after Thanksgiving, she was already 23 inches long. I swear DH and I will be looking up at her to point our finger at her in a moment of discipline. She will be taller than both of us one day, I predict that.

Last night we went to South County Mall to see Santa. The line was long at 6:35 pm, but we got joined in to wait. DH had to buy 2 gifts from stores there so while he shopped, Julia and I waited as the line inched closer to Santa. Well, 1 hour and 20 minutes later, we finally got up to see him. Julia was content and wide eyed. She did so well thanks to being so young in age. Santa even remarked that she did so well for 3 months old. We had to do the pose over after they printed because the lady helper had her hand in the frame. LOL Next year, Julia will wear a dark dress, why? because she blended in with Santa's outfit too well. It was hard to see her dress.

We need to do another night of shopping Maybe tomorrow night or Sunday. Then I will spend most of the day on Monday (holiday for me) wrapping. I always wait until the last minute to wrap. Yes, I procrastinate, but I am a very good wrapper of presents so I don't mind. Quick and good. I even like to hand make my bows.



Ok, I hope you all have a wonderful intro into the Christmas Holiday Season. To those that shop last minute like me, I feel your regrets for not shopping earlier.

oh, I forgot to mention, our social worker called me today to do our 3 month post placement phone interview. It was great to talk to her. I actually miss the close contact we had from when we signed with the agency in the Spring this year up to just post placement after Julia's birth. I felt as though we talked with our social worker almost daily by email then and if not then by phone. Now, we are lucky if we chat by email or phone maybe once every 3 weeks or so. I need to mail her one of our picture Christmas cards. LOL procrastination again.

wordless wednesday

Happy Holidays. bahahahahahaha(WARNING, NO KIDS PG17)

Find more videos on www.findinternettv.com.

12 years later, I still miss you, dad.........

December 15, 1995. The day my dad died from the evil grips of cancer. He was a young 49 years old. He worked hard all his life and raised a wonderful family (me, my brother and sister) and sadly lost his battle after 3 months of chemo and radiation. He was diagnosed stage 4 cancer in September 1995 with lung, liver and bone cancer. He did the chemo and radiation for comfort purposes. We cherished each moment we had with him, especially after his diagnosis.

My dad loved to go fishing out at Bush wildlife ponds. He loved to go camping down in Lesterville MO at Riversedge campgrounds and Twin Rivers campgrounds. He loved to get his lawn chair and cooler and go sit in the river to watch the drunks float by to the smiley face. Riversedge was the stop sign b4 the smiley face on the Black River floating. We used to go canoeing many many times on that same river when I was a youngster. I loved going fishing with him too.

The night he died in our home we grew up in, neighbors, friends and family came over to our house and we built a bonfire in our backyard. Yes, in the City of St. Louis in Shaw neighborhood. He did not want us to grieve his death, but to party and have fun like he would have wanted us to at a regular party. Celebrate his life he had and remember the good times we had. We did that. In fact, the local police department officers we knew joined in with us at the bonfire.

A plaque My dad had hanging in the kitchen in our house over on Flad Ave read:

I'd rather be fishing.

I can see him now, perched back in his lawn chair, cooler of beer at his side, rod and reel in the river fishing for catfish while still watching the drunk floaters going down the river. I will always see him like this. Happy and enjoying his time of relaxation.

I love you dad and I still miss you so much. Julia will get to know you by pictures and your fun camping stories I will tell her. She will be proud of her paw-paw.


I'll try and scan a picture of him later and post it.

I FUCKING HATE CANCER

Congratulations, you are the 97th texter, YOU WIN

hehehe... My motto in life is if you don't play, you don't have a chance to win. So, every day on my drive home from work I listen to 97.1 Talk FM - The Dave Glover show. This month they are playing a text message contest to win a stocking stuffer gift or two and then if you win you will be registered to possibly win an all inclusive trip to Riu Caribe. So I heard the promo to text the word Presents into 53695. I did.... while waiting for the reply of the first text message I sent another text - same thing... Got the reply from the first text that I was texter # 15, try again. Seconds later I got another reply text saying "Congratulations, you are the 97th Texter. Call xxx-xxx-xxxx in the next 10 minutes to claim your prize" WOOOOHOOOOOO I FRICKIN' WON.


I FRICKIN' WON the stocking stuffer of 25.00 gift certificate to a new diner in town and then a 25.00 gift certificate to Hair Salon for Men. hehe too funny that I won a gift certificate for the Hair Salon for men when my husband is nearly bald and uses the buzz clippers at home to do his own hair. hehe... BUT I FRICKIN' WON.

So now I will be listening intently on December 19th at 7:05 AM to see if I won the Trip to Cancun. WOOOOHOOOOOO. I so hope I do. Jamie Allman and Crane need to make my day that morning. Oh I so dream of a vacation like that.

See, Since DH and I have spent the last 8 years trying to have a baby, we put vacation on hold for 7 of those 8 years. We SO NEED a trip out of here by ourselves. I Love my daughter, but we so need a vacation as a couple again.

Send me some winning vibes for that big trip.

hehe.. again, if you don't play, you don't have a chance to win. hehe

her head is breaking out

no, not a rash or cradle cap, but 2 times this past week we have gone in to get Julia from her crib for the morning and her head is at the end of the crib bars like she is trying to break out of jail. She is scooting herself from the middle of the crib all the way to the left (side/end) of the crib. Her head was pressed firmly up against the wood rail and she just looked up at us with a smile when we went to pick her up.

Little stinker. I had to raise the crib rail for the first time in fear she might be too close to the side (sliding) rail now when I go in there to get her. So she is fully protected with all rails in the up position.

she loves her jumperoo. Loves the lights and sounds and jumps a little with her feet touching the ground now.

grow girl grow.

new milestone for Ms. Julia

Today we noticed she is starting to lift her legs off the play mat while on her back. it is funny. Leg lifts. I must get the video camera out and shoot a few clips. She is really starting to giggle too.

I'm a sucka for books

Julia is now the proud owner of the beginning series of Disney kids books and Dr. Seuss books. I joined the scholastic book club. OMG.. It is expensive, but I want her to have the new books I never got to have as a kid. I always had hand-me-downs and hated the tattered edges. I must say that I had a great time opening these two boxes of books. I can't wait to start reading them to her. She loves to hear my voice and really loves to hear my up and down tones so reading books to her will be a hoot. She smiles so big and almost giggles with joy.

I need to move the book case from downstairs tomorrow up to her room to accommodate all her books I have accumulated. I have gotten so many gift books for her and next weekend we are going to a Christmas gathering with friends and we decided to do a book exchange. I can't wait to see what she gets. I have a book ready to go for the exchange. It is one she already has and I love reading it to her so I bought an extra one to give as a gift.

What is your favorite book to read to your baby/toddler?

wordless wednesday

our house grows by leaps and bounds

First off....Boohooo for Mizzou. Oh well, but we did have a great season. Now maybe we can make a bowl game of some sorts.

Yesterday DH and his siblings and myself helped move my mother in law in with us for a while. She is residing in the downstairs extra room. Her doggy, Bailey, is staying with us also. So we are a household of 3 adults, a 2 month old baby girl (who is getting so big) and 4 dogs. OMG... we are not totally cramped up, but it will be an adjustment with the dogs for sure. Our 3 doggies were and are set in their ways. So introducing another doggy is a challenge, but as The Dog Whisperer has taught us from his show, we are the Pack Leaders and the dogs will listen to US and not themselves. Ha. Yeah right. No, so far it has been pretty good, just a few nips at each other and growls we put a stop to right away. I hope it stays that calm.

As I type this out, Julia is laying in her bouncy seat just flinging her arms all around hitting her rattle on the gym links and giraffe and elephant. She loves her little toys. She loves the noises they make. Oh wait, she is protesting as she can't get a grip on one of them right now. She sometimes gets a firm grip on the links hanging down and really gives the bouncy seat a good shake. She really doesn't need the vibration button on since she rattles the seat pretty well herself.

We heard from Julia's birthmother this past week and we all plan on meeting up in person sometime this week. I am nervous to see how she will react to how big Julia has gotten. It will be a challenge to stay dry eyed at this visit. We are so blessed to have her in our lives and for Julia to have her in her life. We hope to see Julia's two siblings also. They will be amazed at how big she has gotten since they saw her at birth. I did send a 2 month update letter and pictures to the agency to forward to Julia's birthmother because we did not know when we would see her next. I'll give the agency a call tomorrow to ask them to go ahead and mail them out to Julia's birthmother so she can get the pictures added to her photo album.

Speaking of that first letter, I was nervous as to what to talk about at first, but I just opened up with stating that Julia is now 2 months old and here are some of the many pictures we have of her. I talked about her first few weeks and visitors she had and how she slept through the night a few times since birth. I gave her 2 different check up stats and also gave her some of the photos from Julia's first professional pictures we had taken at 5.5 weeks old. I am glad to share this with her. She has blessed DH and I with so much so we want to share that with her in these letters and pictures. Of course we decided to send the letters to the agency just in case H was not ready to receive them yet, but I am sure she is ok with it now.

Ok, getting told to get off my duff and put the ornaments on the small tree we got for the living room.

I'll give another update on the book I am reading. Good discussions to be had on it. Again that is the book : The Secret thoughts of an adoptive mother.

Go Mizzou, Here is your biggest (little) cheerleader

Julia made the sports picture page on KMOV.com today.. check her out.

KMOV.COM


GO MIZZOU

Yes, I fully intend to have her become a student of Mizzou one day.

University of Missouri

GO TIGERS.

Sobbing while reading a book? Yes, call me a soft heart

I have been reading this book "Secret thoughts of an adoptive mother" and let me tell you that I had to stop reading it at lunch today. My eyes welled up with tears so much so that I could not read and I am the lucky one that my face turns red when I cry. So I had to stop reading and focus on something else until lunch was over. Mind you, I eat at my desk and have visitors all the time (open room desk). I did not want them to see me all red faced and crying over a book! Ha

What made me cry was reading about the Author's (Jana Wolff) account of traveling ahead of the due date of her hopefully future child to be in the town of the birthmother for the delivery. Plus the minute by minute trail of anticipation, hope, worries and fears while the birthmother was being induced and then in the moments of delivery.

She called it "Excitement or Doom". The adoptive couple was invited into the delivery room (as I was for Julia's birth) and she accounted the moments of how she felt and how she thought the birthmother was feeling (emotionally and physically) and then it went into the moments of describing the setting of the delivery room up to the moments before when her-to-be "Son" was born. She was not attached to him yet and feared she might not ever, plus she was ordered out of the room by the doctor right before delivery because the baby needed to be delivered by forceps. She left the room and feared that SHE herself might have a last moment freak decision to decide to make a run for it as this was a life altering event happening and wondered if she really wanted her lifestyle to change so rapidly with the delivery and placement of this baby she did not know. Or would the birthmother want to keep the baby because of all she went through to delivery him.

Well, in the end of that chapter, she was invited back into the room and was handed the baby. She felt as though she did not love him yet, but she also knew she could not walk away from this beautiful baby either. He was becoming part of her life.

I can tell you without a doubt that I had many of the same fears when Julia was being born. I saw her head pop out and I instantly started crying. I was not holding her birthmother hand because the nurse was on one side and her mother was on the other, but I stood back and took pictures (ok with the birhtmother to do so) and saw a miracle being born. I was so scared yet so overwhelmed with shock of seeing something I could not do, give birth to a miracle baby. Julia's birthmother was crying, I was crying and DH was outside in the hallway crying. I never knew so many emotions could rush over me at once. Sadness for Julia's birhtmother and birthgrandmother, Joy of knowing we just might have this miracle placed in our arms soon. Oh gosh, I am starting to well up with tears just thinking about that special moment. I can't ever imagine what Julia's birthmother was going through, but I did ask her later and she tried to describe it as best she could. I will always cherish knowing how she felt and her sharing that with me. I gave her a hug before they had the baby ready to hand to her. I told her Thank You and God Bless you. She just gave birth to a miracle and no matter who raised her she would always be special in my heart for having involved us in something we could never physically achieve. Birth of a child is a miracle.

ok, more later. I must go wipe my eyes.

See, adoption can be such a roller coaster ride also of emotions; although different from what we went through with infertility, we would ultimately achieve our dreams and goals of becoming parents by the blessing of another human(ie: Julia's birthmother).

Never give up hope.

any suggestions on where to shop for Christmas Stockings?

looking for Nice (no plain red/white) stockings, maybe something with embroidered names on them for DH, Julia and I. Might you know of somewhere I can check? I'll check with my mom to see if maybe she can help me make some. If not, I'd like to keep shopping online for some to buy.

angels in heaven I'll always remember you

2 years ago tonight I sadly miscarried my last pregnancy I would every carry at 6 weeks along. We had done a fresh In-vitro Fertilization (IVF) cycle and transferred 3 ok 3 day blastocysts to my uterus. I had become pregnant on this, my 5th, fresh IVF transer cycle. We had an ultrasound just days before to confirm there was one sac and fetal pole for this pregnancy. I was set to go in on November 28th 2005 to confirm the heartbeat, but sadly while at dinner at TGI Fridays that Saturday night I began to bleed very badly. I knew what my body was doing. I could feel the contractions within 4 hours of the bleeding having started and I delivered the sac in tact at home. I did not bother to go to the ER as I had suffered several other miscarriages before this and knew that once the sac was expelled I would be ok in about 2 hours. I took a dose of narcotics I had at home to relieve the pain I was physically in and just had DH hug me. Hold me in his arms and cry with me.

We both said that this was not meant to be and that we were done with the heartaches and miscarriages forever (This was our 5th uterine miscarriage).

I was so sad, robbed of the very thing a woman of child baring age is usually blessed with, a normal pregnancy. I was ripped up emotionally for a few days and I told myself that my body was a failure, but I would not let that keep me down long. I grieved this loss, but luckily I was able to attend the IF support group meeting and cry it out. Then the next week I attended my first of many adoption support group meetings to set our minds on the future of becoming parents through adoption. I also booked a date for my hysterectomy a few months later. One of the best decisions I ever made.

I pray for all the angels up in heaven that never made it to be Earthly angels. We mommies love you all very much and were blessed to have been pregnant with you for as long as we could keep you in there.

I Don't ever let a day go by without lifting my eyes to heaven and talking a few words to my 9 angels in heaven.

a wee pea in the pod she is

My little sweet pea is growing big so fast.

Today's 8 week check up (8w1d) was great. We went in around 9 am and were 1 of 3 others in the waiting room. Ahh, not a bad wait. We went to the exam room and the nurse measured her and weighed her. She is growing up so fast.

10 lbs 7 oz
23 inches long

Julia got her first round of 4 shots. Also one oral vaccination for diarrhea. Oh joy. She screamed for about 1 minute and then let me finish her bottle with her before she got dressed. She is cranky tonight. We did dose her with some tylenol per the docs instructions. I will watch her over the next few hours for temperature changes and will use the tylenol if needed. I think her legs are sore from the shots as she screamed if I accidentally touched them tonight. Otherwise she has been just a tad fussy, but nothing overbearing. OUCH though.. Man, I know after all my years of infertility shots of hormones I still hate needles.

The doc asked me how she is interacting with us and I told him she is already fully mimicking our coos and facial expressions. She will pucker her lips and say "oooooo" and scrunches up her eyebrows like me when doing that. She is lifting her arms and swinging at her jungle gym toys. She will stand with our help on our laps and do the jump up and down routine. She loves to talk back to us while laying on her changing table pad. The doc then said that she is advanced for her age with doing these skills. He said that is good to see her being so active. He said he would bet she stays on this curve of learning and to keep up with talking to her and reading to her and exercising her legs like that. FUN.

I picked up a Parents as Teachers pamphlet. I will be calling on Monday to see if we can set up a visit with them after the first of the year. I want to learn as much as possible to help with teaching Julia in every aspect of her life. Motor skills, communication skills, language, etc... We are so lucky to have this option as parents. I want Julia to have ever opportunity to be enriched with ever possible avenue of learning.

Todays reading list consists of a new book I bought off of Amazon. Thanks to our adoption support group leader, Danielle, I got this book to read last week and started it tonight. Quick read so far. I am 52 pages in and think I will most likely finish it tonight. It is an account of an adoptive mothers thoughts on open adoption. I'll review it for you later this week when I get a chance to sit down and go over it all.

OMG OMG OMG. The Naked Ovary is back.

YOU MUST GO CHECK THIS OUT..

The Naked Ovary is back to blogging... (warning to those that are IF and still trying, Baby by adoption mentioned and PREGNANCY mentioned in her blog post).

WOOOHOOOOO. Congrats to The Naked Ovary and her family. She stopped blogging a while back and I missed her posts so much, but she has come back to update us with some THRILLING baby news. WOOOOOHOOOOO
She went through Infertility and then adopted a daughter from China and now this.....

ahhh, this made my day.(or night, if you will)

wordless wednesday

a few minutes early

Some comments I have received from co-workers and friends lately have me smiling from ear to ear.

"What a doll! You all make a beautiful family. Thanks for sharing!"

"Your daughter is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!! She is a blessing....." and yes, that came from a co-worker that was adopted when she was little.

"Just adorable!!! "

Yes, she is adorable if I do say so myself. And I will say she is the blessing we have been waiting for for over 9 years of our journey through infertility, miscarriages and a few failed match adoptions. I reflect back to the days when I was so down and out from the losses we kept having and wondering when it would be time to celebrate a child in our lives. Well, we are at that time in our lives and let me tell you the wait was hard, but SHE makes it all worth it.

I will always be thankful for the support we got through the years, work understanding why I needed so many surgeries (ivf, d&c's etc) and my co-workers, family and friends telling us to hang in there. We did it. She makes us complete, well, except for my desire to have another baby in a few years time. A sister or brother for Julia! Yes, I said that to the hubby the week we brought her home. Call me crazy, but I have always wanted a family of 2 or 3 kiddo's and now we know this is possible through the blessing of adoption. (We have not given up on the idea of surrogacy either if we can find a surrogate.)

Julia has been and continues to be a very happy baby. She is spitting up some from the formula changes, but I think that will be ok in due time. I'll chat with the doc next Friday about that. I will also ask about adding in some rice cereal in the night bottle to see if that helps fill up her belly. She is sleeping some nights from 10:30/11 pm - 4:30 or so. not bad, but if we can get her to stay asleep a little longer I bet we would all be in great shape from good sleeps. LOL Heck, she slept from 9:30 - 6 am last Sunday night. Dh had baby duty that night so he got some sleep. If it would have been me on that shift duty that night I bet I would have went in to check on her several times. I just could not believe she slept that long. We have found that the nights we give her a bath, she sleeps so much better, thus last Sunday nights good sleep.

Being back to work this week has been an adjustment, but much better than I ever expected. Sure, I do miss Julia, but I get my 20 minutes before we have to leave the house to cuddle with her and chat with her and enjoy her sweet toothless smiles. I anticipated my heart breaking having to leave her with a sitter, but honestly I feel good about her care because I know she has constant interaction when she is awake and also has some interaction with the other kiddo's at the sitters house. The sitter said she is a very good baby and I really enjoyed hearing that from her. Oh, my m-i-l watched her Wednesday this past week and also said she is a dream baby and is so good. Ahhhh, I love it. I know that can change in her life on different days of being fussy, but overall she is a smiling happy baby most times. She loves to be interacted with by either us or her play gym or mobiles in her crib. She LOVES ceiling fans. I've noticed she is focusing on things further and further away each day.

We have been waiting to hear back from her birthmother for a few weeks now, but all is well. Now we just wait to set up a call to set up a time we can all meet up again in person. Julia's birth-siblilngs said they want to see her too. She has two older siblings so it will be fun to see them all together soon. I say my prayers that Julia's birthmother and siblings are all ok and I ask in those prayers for them to know we all love them so much and are so thankful for them and we can't wait to share who they are with Julia.

Ok, back to writing our first letter to the birthmother and gathering up the pictures we want to send also. This letter writing and picture sending will occur at least once a month for the first 3 months and then every other month for a while. This is one thing we did not put in ink with the birthmother, instead we chatted about sending these items when we have time. So I suggested the above schedule to the birthmother and she said that would be great. Heck, I think we will see each other in person b4 I send the 2nd set to our agency to forward to the birthmother.

I can't wait until next weeks ped appointment to see how big Ms. Julia is.

Julia talks to Daddy on the phone

wordless wednesday

The stats tell the truth, she is growing by leaps and bounds

Julia's 1 month 4 day stats (From Tuesday this week) were:

9 lbs
22 inches long

Girl, you are so growing up big and tall. From the 6lb13oz 20 1/2 inches long, you are growing by leaps and bounds. The doctor said you are right on target and to keep up the 4 oz bottles each feeding.

Constipation is making her wait. Really, she is constipated so I talked to the doc about this. He said he did not want to take her off the enfamil lipil with iron (iron can cause the poor unsuspecting baby to be backed up), but instead to add in 1 teaspoon of kayro (dark over light) in 1 bottle of formula a day to see if that works and if it does not help in 2 days or so to up it to 1 teaspoons each in 2 different bottles a day. If that does not help after a week then we need to call the doc back and mention it is not working. He then said suppositories are next. This all came about after Poor Julia had to have Daddy's help in pulling out a hard as rock poopie coming out of her bottom last week. OUCH.


To end the appointment, the nice nurse (or Julia might disagree that she was not the nice nurse) came in and gave Julia her hepatitis b 2 shot in the upper thigh. At the moment of prep, Julia had no clue she was getting ready to be jabbed with a sharp needle and injected with this vaccination. As the needle went it, I held her binkie in her mouth, but that did not even sooth her one bit. She weeped with a loud screech which lasted about 20 seconds. She then lipped and sucked the binkie in and was quiet. She got a cute little round Bugs bunny bandage and was told she could get dressed and was done with the docs office for that day.

Oh, I did ask the doc if I could give Julia some Tylenol before her next appointment the day after Thanksgiving due to her being scheduled for her next round of shots (2 month shots) and he said that was find. He said I should expect her to be cranky and tired that day so the tylenol will help.

btw, I can't stop kissing these little toes

My little pumpkin is bringing us our dreams come true

As I sit here on the couch in the living room, I sit back and bask at the sight of my long awaited love in her bouncy seat sleeping content after sucking down her morning bottle.

Since January 1999, we have longed for this day to happen. See, like everyone that goes through infertility and even more so, miscarriages, We sat many many years and wondered at each Holiday, each Halloween, each event if WE would be that parent one day holding our child and celebrating the events at hand. On several occasions I curled up in my bed and silently cried real tears thinking it would never happen for us. We longed to be that mom and dad chasing our little costume dressed pumpkin down the block while gathering up a sack full of trick-or-treat goodies. We longed to be that couple that was able to take our first family portrait to put on that annual Christmas card like so many friends and family have sent us (no, I did not usually get upset opening these picture cards as so many that suffer through Infertility and losses do). We wanted to be that family that is able to wake up on Christmas morning and Celebrate Jesus and his birth and be thankful for the gifts we have under the tree. See, those things avoided us like the plague all these years, but let me tell you today, being our first FAMILY Halloween, We are so living the REALITY of this dream we have longed for for so many years. That dream that seemed like we would never reach it. It makes me cry tears, tears I never thought I would feel, Tears of JOY and THANKFULNESS! Not tears of sadness and disbelief I felt for so many years. "Would it ever happen for us?", I'd ask, then I would hear family and friends say "Sure, it will happen, just hang in there" and by gosh it HAS HAPPENED.

By the blessing of domestic adoption, we have been given a gift of a precious daughter in our lives to help bring those dreams to reality and allow us to bond and form that core love that will never end as a family.

We both sit back once or twice a day and say, WOW, the wait was well worth every minute. Sure, I will never ever forget my 9 angel babies I lost to heaven in the near 8 years of Infertility and treatments we suffered through. Sure, I will never ever forget the ROCK that my husband was for me while I miscarried those babies and he barely cried a tear so he could be strong for me. Sure, I really thought those doctors would bring me the miracle we so deserved and desired through all the rough treatments of IUI's and IVF's we did, but thanks to AGOHA and a local friend that introduced us to Julia's birthmother, WE ARE FINALLY LIVING OUR DREAM.

Those times that I said "We deserve to be that family", yes we did and NOW WE ARE so thankful to be there in this time and place in our lives. Some people have told me that I would forget about our infertility and losses once our child is placed in our arms, but no, that is not true. It makes our past of grief and loss easier to deal with, but we will never forget and honestly it will be part of our story we can share with our daughter as she grows to let her know how much we love each other and how we stuck by each others sides through thick and thin to bring her into our lives. This will be a part of our journey we will share with her that brought us to the crossroads of meeting her birthmother and meeting her siblings and birthfamily.

I hope to convey to Julia the love we share and have shared through the 16 years of our marriage. We never gave up hope of becoming a family of more than the two of us. We dreamed and are still dreaming of how big we want our family to be. We will never stop giving our thanks for the blessing of watching our family grow over the last few months.

Seeing Julia's ultrasound back in early September before she was delivered was so cool. It brought a new found respect for the love one (her birhtmother) could have to bring such a child into breathing life. Sure, she could have made a decision to not carry the pregnancy to term, but She did choose to carry her and I so thank her for doing that. For without that decision, we would not know our daughter now. I commend her birthmother for being courageous, strong for her and her family, and for her family to support her decision to bring a miracle to life. I stop every day and tell Julia that her tummy mommy is a blessing to her and I both and to daddy also! We can't wait to show her the fun holidays to celebrate, family and friends to meet, parties to be had and even just a simple camping trip to the regional state parks. I can't wait for next Summer when our pool opens and I can get her in the water and teach her how to swim.

Ahhhhhhhhh

Ok, as soon as my camera battery charges up, I'll post a picture of Ms. Julia in her cute curly ribbon bow/headband our friend Molly made her. I'll try and get pictures of Julia's first Trick-or-Treating walk with my sister and her 3 kids and my brother and his 3 kids. Julia is part of this family now and God I am so Thankful for her and the ability to watch her grow into a beautiful woman one day. BUT don't let that happen too quickly, let me bask in her beauty and baby smiles for a while. hehe

I may not always be able to convey my thoughts and feelings in words that all might understand in this blog, but I am glad I can jot this down for Julia to read one day. Thank you all for reading if you got through this post today.


HAPPY HALLOWEEN to you and to my sweet Julia and her Daddy too!

all decked out in my smile and orange

don't tell me a 4 week old can't smile!

Isn't she cute in her pumpkin hat and outfit?

Who needs the Name brand items when you can make them?

My mom is the bomb! She can sew up a storm. So I called her yesterday and asked her if she had about 5 yards of t-shirt type material at home? (hehe, I bet on it she would.) She said she would check. Then she asked me why. ... I told her to go look up the Ultimate Baby Wrap on Ebay or babiesrus. I would like to have her make one for me to use to carry Julia around while doing house work, playing outside with the dogs, Walking, fun while camping, etc....


So my mom calls me today to say she has some red material and to come by to check it out. It is perfect. I had a few other things to do so I left. She called me not even 45 minutes later to tell me she had finished the wrap for Julia. LOL I'll try and take a picture of it next week after I pick it up.

Belated Happy Birthday to my Hubby. Actually I did say HB to him today when he woke up. I did not get him a card, no, he is not sad by that.... and he bought his own gift online. LOL See, he likes electronic gadgets (blueray something or another dvd HD player). So he got to buy his own gift online. Happy Birthday my sweetheart.

the love for st. louis attractions... Grants Farm first

This will be the first of many blog entries about the great family/kid friendly St. Louis attractions to visit.

Today was our (Julia and myself) first official "St. Louis attraction" visit out. We went to Grants Farm. We met up with another local mom of 3. She is my inspiration! Sorry we missed another mom due to some car key problems.

Julia was sleeping when I got there and slept 3/4 of the time we were there.

I have not been to Grants Farm in about 12 years so it was great to see everything and enjoy the company of a very sweet mom of 3. I also met a few other mothers and their kids that she knows, but we all went in our own direction and pace. It was nice to get out and do a mommy event with my daughter though.

It was a new experience that went well. Something I have always dreamed about doing with my daughter! I learned I am a wreckless driver to an extent with the stroller... LOL and I learned that I need to pack a baby bag that includes my purse items so I don't have to carry two different bags. Lord knows my own purse can be packed to the hilt with things so I need to learn to downsize it and the diaper bag too.

Here is a pic of sweet Julia sleeping her way past the kangaroo yard.

here is a picture of the beautiful cldyesdale baby horses at the horse stables. Julia and I walked over there by ourselves after mom of 3 left. I loved getting up close to the horses... heck, I even got to pet the momma of the baby horse and another baby that was a bit older. FUN.

wordless wednesday

for all my friends and family and us that have lost a baby through miscarriage or infant loss

for our 9 angels in heaven from July 1999 - November 26th 2005. I miss you, each and every one.

Thanks to KD for posting this info and banner

Also, please consider lighting a candle. This is a way to connect with many around the world.

bright eyed

Each day bring a little more time that Julia tends to be more alert. It is nice to see her eyes open. They are still the deep blue from birth, yet beautiful. She loves to listen to DH and I talk to her. She loves to watch the ceiling fan go round and round. She loves to watch her Real Love mobile go round and round when she lays in her crib. She loves to lift her head while she is up on our shoulders (burping position) and look around at what is going on.

I love being able to observe these things about her as she grows each day. This is the love that I always wished for with becoming parents. Sure, sleepless nights have happened for both DH and I, but we gain strength in seeing her grow from all the love and sweet formula she is getting.

I had a good time this morning rooting through the mounds of clothes at the baby mania sale. I came away with 3 grocery bags full of great deals. More 2 and 3 piece outfits for 0-3 and 3-6 months sizes. I have lots of sleepers and lots of onesies already so I focused on cute pant and shirt outfits and a few jumpsuits and a few pairs of shoes (heck, several outfits still had tags on them). Then my sister buzzed me on my cell to say she found Julia the perfect Christmas dress. I trust my sister as she has great taste in clothes so I asked her to buy it for me and I would pay her back. Well, she gave us the bag tonight of that dress and a few bottles she also got, but did not want any money for all of the items. Bless her. She loves Julia also and loves buying for her. I heard her say that Julia is her new baby fix!

Tonight I am sitting down and starting to write out the many Thank You cards for all the precious gifts that Julia has gotten in the last two weeks from friends and family and co-workers. We are so blessed to have such a great support system with all of those people in our lives. Julia is so loved already and has fit right in with the family and friends. What a true blessing.

I need to upload a few more photos to print out at the local Walgreens. I always get 2 sets of each of the pictures so we can send a set to Julia's birthmother soon. I'll be writing letters each month for the next few months and sending pictures with those letters. We had purchased a photo book for a bithmother gift so she would have a place to keep all the photos. She was very thankful for that and can't wait to fill it up. She said her daughter loved looking at Julia birth pictures we gave to them the day after her birth. Fun. I am so glad we can share these with her birthfamily.

Speaking of the birth family, I left a message for Julia's birthmother 3 days ago and have not heard from her. I know there are phone issues, but I sure hope she can call back when she is comfortable to chat again. See, Julia's birthmother told us she wanted to give us a few weeks at home with Julia to bond before she would get in touch with us again. I just hope that she is coping with things ok. I do worry about her, but I won't fret yet as I will still give her another week or so before I get too worried about her. I also know our Social worker will try and contact her if we don't hear from her soon. I don't want to crowd her, but yet I do want to make sure she is doing ok with the transition from the birthmother side of things. I still can't fully understand her feelings of loss and never will, I won't pretend about that, but I do care about her and will let her know I will always ask how she is doing.

Blessings abound.

Yard sale/Garage Sale mania Saturday....

Mehlville's baby mania sale is tomorrow Oct 13th 8-12


also the IAS support group is holding a garage sale to help fund the new books in the library for educational purposes. Charity sale!! Check it out.

Julia is going to have a nice haul tomorrow! hehe

her drinking nipples, not mine

Learning new things. I knew there were different sized bottle nipples for different ages of an infant, but I never really paid attention to what sizes and flows they were and when they need to be changed out. I never got to ask the pediatrician about this so I researched it online.

To review nipples come in 4 different stages:

# Stage 1 (aka “slow”): this is for newborns. There is only one hole in this nipple so that the formula will come out very slowly. This is important because otherwise the newborn can choke. Any newborn bottle (translation small bottle) will come with this.

# Stage 2 (aka “medium”): This for babies 3-6 months old and these nipples have 2 holes. Thus, the formula comes out faster.

# Stage 3 (aka “fast”): This is for babies over 6 months. I never used these with my older son because we moved onto sippy cups, but presumably these nipples have 3 holes.

# The Y-cut: This is a nipple where the hole is cut wide to so the baby can drink thicker drinks such as formula with a little bit of cereal in it.

bye bye billie cord

Julia's umbilical cord stump fell off today. 10 days old and it is gone already. Her pediatrician said it could happen from 10 days up until 30 days. WOW. That was quick.

She is a sleeping sweetheart right now. She is in her snugglie wrap sitting in her swing fast asleep. She should be waking up in about a 1/2 hour to feed. She needs to poop! Poops have slowed way down. More like 2 a day instead of after every feed. Is this normal? She is not in any pain from being backed up so I hope it is ok. If she does not go again by morning, I'll give the nurse at the ped's office a call to check. Ahhh, the worries of mommyhood! :)

Julia is more alert every day. She sat and listened to daddy talk to her for a while this afternoon and She also finds it comforting to listen to me talk to her about life. She layed in her boppy last night and just stared back at me while I told her about her tummy mommy again and how blessed we are to have her in our lives. I told her that it made all the struggles of near 8 years of infertility and miscarriages much easier to deal with now that she is here in our lives and family.

Oh, My mom and sister both said this week that they can't wait until christmas. Toys galore will be given by them. Ute Oh! All those years I bought noisy toys for my nieces and nephews, it must be pay back time from them to us for Julia to keep us bugged with noisy toys then. LOL I guess Payback is sweet when your on the other side of the fence. hehe

Back to getting my ebay items active again. I was able to make about 150.00 in the last 3 weeks. Not bad! That 150.00 goes towards the 390.00 in court filing fees for the proceedings we went to on Friday for Julia's birthmothers termination hearing. Every bit counts. Check out my items on Ebay and then come back and check out my items on my TWOGOOTS blog!

Thanks for all your support even if you are just lurking! Becoming a parent after all these years of infertility and miscarriages and then a few bumps in the adoption road has made it all worth every step.

Oh, thanks to first social worker from Adoption Haven (our first agency), we have another adoption book to read to Ms. Julia. A Little Golden Book called "A Blessing from Above". It is a story about a kangaroo who has an empty pouch and wants to fill it with a loving baby. Momma-Roo is so thankful for her baby birdy that dropped into her pouch and she is now raising him. So sweet.

oh what a busy week we've had

Wednesday's pediatrician appointment went very very well. Julia weighed in at 7lb 4 oz, up from her birthweight of 6 lb 13oz. Good gracious, she can eat! The doc said that was on target and that it was ok to feed her between the minimum of 2 oz of formula to the max of 4 oz. Depending on her demand and our judgment if she may be full around 3 oz or so. BUT my piggy little sweet girl is taking around 3.5 oz a feeding. hehe.

Julia's sleeping patterns vary. Last night she ate 3.5 oz of formula around 1:30 am and she slept from around 2:30 am to 7 am. Yes, 4.5 hours. But 4.5 is not her record so far. She slept 5 hours the night before. WOW. GO GIRL GO. I am amazed by her ability to do this so early on in her life, but you know I am not complaining at all. I did get to sleep too during those nice long stretches. I also am preparing for those nights when she will not sleep either. LOL I know it is inevitable.

Motherhood is happening and I love it. DH is a wonderful father also. He and I have been sharing shifts and he does wonderful with feeding, diapering and putting her back to sleep. We are so blessed. DH goes back to work Monday so it will be another adjustment for us as I will be on my own to try and learn to do the night shifts for a while. I don't go back to work until November 12th so we have a few weeks to try and find a new pattern of sleep and feedings during the nights. Sleep deprivation is hard, but when I look at our beautiful daughter and she is staring at me while holding her, I can't be mad one bit. It actually makes the bonding easier and makes my love grow for her each day.

Friday morning we went to the family courts in Clayton. We met our lawyer and our social worker there to have the judge hear our case for the birthmothers parental termination rights. All's well with those court proceedings. We do have to have our lawyer do a legal journal publication for the birthfather and if no one comes forward his rights will be terminated in court in about a months time.

Going through these processes have been enlightening and now become part of our daughters adoption story we will continue to share with her. I talk to her every day about who her tummy mommy is (birthmother) and her siblings are and that she will eventually see them again in person soon. I love that I can talk to Julia about these things knowing she will get to know her birthfamily along with our family over the many years to come. Open adoption gives us that blessing of sharing and getting to know each other not only by pictures and letters, but in person too.

Blessings to you all and I say prayers for any out there still trying to build their families. If there is anything I can help with to help get you through the process of either fertility treatments or adoption, please drop me an email.

Hello doctor

Julia's first pediatrician appointment is today. I have no idea what to expect. I am sure he will fully examine her.

I have a few questions about feedings and shots, but that is about it.

I wish I had posted this yesterday to get your suggestions of what to expect and questions to ask.

Cheers to a good weight and length growth. Hummm, Will she have gained weight by now? We'll see.

This is our second adventure out of the house. I hope we can get use to going an adventures.

Julia slept for near 5 hours between feedings last night into this morning. WOW.

How much formula were you feeding at near 1 week old? The nursery at the hospital was only feeding 1 oz +1ml, So just under 2 oz. Sorry, but I just can't see that being enough for her. I'll keep you posted on what the doc suggests.