Friday Feature or should I say Fitful Friday....

Dear daughter,

This week you turned 16 months old. You are such a hoot 95-99% of the time, the other % of the time, this is what I got when you didn't get your way. Ahhhh, the fitful days ahead of us are already starting to shine through.



Post fitful Friday last week (pic above), this is you hamming it up for the camera again. You smile the biggest cheesiest smile when we say Cheese and point the camera your way.



You are in love with shoes, see:


This week, your favorite phrases or words are "Ut-Oh" if you drop something and then you say "Ouch" if you bump into something, like your head that is too tall to walk under the tv trays now.

You are working so hard on breaking in your two bottom molars. As of today you have 10 teeth and soon to be 12 when those molars come in. This past week you and daddy and mommy have all been battling colds, fevers, tummy issues. Chlortrimazole is the answer for your rashed bum. Balmex burns, aveeno is too icky so chlortrimazole is the best cure. You hate grape flavored medication of any sort.

You lost one of your earrings last week so daddy took the other one out since we can't get one in the hole that you lost your pretty pink flower from. We will get them pierced again, when? I don't know. I won't torture you again trying to put then in ourselves. I just don't know when we will do the ear piercing again. If it is up to daddy, sooner than later. We did buy some screw-back earrings to see if there is less of a risk of not having them come apart and fall out, so we will see.

tomorrow is going to be our first trip to the Magic House. I can't wait.

Happy 16 month birthday week my sweetheart.

well shoot... postponed...

I had to reschedule my sleep study. Bad bad day with stomach issues. ANd again today so I had to reschedule until early February. Oh well.

Ok, Off to tend to my icky stomach.

Please send some healing vibes for this sickly family here in my house. Ahhhhhh

I was thinking of renaming my blog

How about Sleepless In St. Louis? Why, you ask? Well, this is me! Sleepless in St. Louis. So tomorrow I go for my sleep study to help figure out a way to combat my sleeplessness and my restless leg syndrome the doc says I have (I completely agree on the leg issues, let me tell you). I am nervous about the sleep study. Will I sleep? Sure, but how long and how fitful? I have one sleeping pill left and that is going to be used tomorrow night at the doc's recommendation. He wants me to sleep and he said the 10 mg of ambien won't disrupt the sleep study, actually it will help them determine the severity of my sleeplessness and snoring issues.

sure, if/when I lose 70 lbs like I want to, I bet 90% of my snoring will go away, but that still won't fully cure my insomnia. lets hope the doc can figure this all out.

I arrive there tomorrow night at 8 pm. They said that I am to take the sleeping pill at least 1/2 hour before bed time on an empty stomach then they will hook me up to all the monitors. Ha, don't they realize I don't have a bed time? look doc, it is said 12:18 am and I am wide awake on a work weeknight. Frick. I don't read before bed, I do watch tv, but never in bed because DH is in there. I usually force myself to head to the bedroom, lights out and no tv around 12:45 am or 1 am. I lay in bed for another 1/2 hour to 45 minutes before I look at the clock one last time. I have my alarm set for 5:55 am. yes, I have to get up at that time in order to get myself up, dear daughter up, dogs fed, both of us dressed (I shower first. LOL) and then all 3 of us, including hubby head out the door at 7:15-7:20. I start work at 8:30 until 4:30 (soon to be 5 pm, that is another story!) and then repeat the day over. I hate it. yes, I am tired, but not super tired in the morning like falling asleep at the wheel tired.

Naps on the weekend are usually a must. I need to catch up on the weeks lack of sleep.

Ok, off to get in bed a few minutes early. Funny thing about this post is the doc recommended I sleep at least 8 hours the 2 previous nights to my sleep study. HA. That SO did not happen.

Ahhhh, love the beautiful snow. Now the fun tomorrow is to watch and avoid all the idiots on the road on the way to work tomorrow.

OMG.. American Idol was a hoot tonight and watching AIRewind from this past weekend was cool because it was the show from St. Louis when Carrie Underwood and Nikko Smith made it through to Hollywood! Super fun watching those rewinds.

no so much in the bloggity mood when we are all sick

It is Not fun in our house right now, but things will hopefully be better by the end of the weekend. All 3 of us have been passing something around. Dh and J both have little to no voice, couching, runny noses, etc. I have had massive headaches with tummy issues, but I am feeling much better now.

I am home today with J helping her cope with her viral gastroenteritis (diagnosed by the doc on Wednesday afternoon). One of those viral things you just have to let it run its course without taking much in the way of meds to help out. This is my first real test in motherhood with her being this sick (runny nose with teeth coming in is about the extent of the illnesses for her). I feel for her. I can tell she is just not feeling well and wants to cuddle. Thankfully, right now she is transfixed on Yo Gabba Gabba! I have her bottle ready for the afternoon nap and hopefully after I am done updating here, I will be able to get her to close her eyes for a few hour nap. Good luck on that one, right? hehe Hey, at least I am have wishful thinking on her napping.

I don't mind being home with her. She needs help and I'd rather give that than her being at the sitters (her aunt's house) where there are so many other kids to tend to when school lets out in the afternoon. Plus I hear that her cousin (nearly 3 yrs old) also is not feeling well, this cousin is who she spends each day with M-F. I guess J and B passed this illness between each other the last few days. Ahhhh, learning to share is one thing, but sharing colds is another. LOL

Ok, off to go share some Yo Gabba Gabba time with Ms. J.
Hope all of you are feeling well. We will soon!

bargain city is my middle name

The Purple Cow, a childrens resale shop in town, had some SWEET deals yesterday on gymboree and gap outfits(30% off some color tagged items. I also found out they are having a sale starting next weekend. Hummmm, Looks like I'll be filling more of Julia's spring / summer wardrobe.

You can't beat a brand new with tags Gymboree 3 piece Valentines outfit for 12.00, retailed for $54.50. Yes, I am not one that pays much for outfits, but these were too cute to pass up for 12.00. So what if it was the 2007 line, it is good quality clothes and wear very well.

I also got a gap outfit, another 2 piece gymboree outfit and 3 dvd's for Julia there. I didn't spend over 35.00. I usually don't do resale shops, but since yard sale season has not opened up yet for 2009, I was itching for some bargains. ahhhh, satisfied.

Holy crap, I just connected with an old play buddy/grade school friend on facebook. I am so addicted to facebook

A refreshing start to a new year

After yesterday's fiasco of a birthday, I found myself refreshed and ready to fight the fight at work and going into my new docs office for my prep to my sleep study. My doc officially diagnosed me with restless leg syndrome. Well, FINALLY someone listened to my symptoms and got a real understanding that my jitterbug legs are not a nervous tick! There is a reason and cause behind these crazy uncontrollable, painful at times, legs. YEAH. Refreshing to know I was not going crazy. Well, this might be part of the root of my problems sleeping. See, two doctors I had before this dismissed the thought of me having restless leg syndrome. Thank GOSH for this doctor. Go figure, A sleep study doc can diagnose this stuff. Yes, they are qualified. He said that there might be exercises and medications they can help me with after I do my actual overnight sleep study on January 28th. Ahhhhh, I can't wait to see the results of this all. He thinks I might have a mild case of apnea, but the study will show us how mild. I only have 4 days of ambien left and he said I need to bring one of them with me to the overnight study. Shoot. I guess I need to call back to the GP's office and ask for another 15 days worth to get me through the study date. LOL they might think I am drug seeking, but this insomnia is so bad right now. Monday night, I went to bed at 1:15 am, layed in bed for at least 20 more mintues before I fell sleep and then had a nightmare and was startled awake in my sleep. So very interrupted it is. The doc said there might be other sleep aids I can take to help get past the nightmares. Really? ANyone have this issue with nightmares waking them startled? If so, what do you take to help ease them or get rid of them?

I don't want to drug seek at all. Not my game. But I don't want to fall asleep in my car driving to work or even out for a fun night with dh and our sweet daughter. I need to be able to function at work and this is getting harder to do when I am running on average of 4-.4.5 hrs of sleep a night.

Thanks for a good doc that listened today.

Do you all have insomnia problems? The doc agrees I inherited this from my paternal side of my family. So lucky am I! NOT.

Now to get into the allergist and the dermatologist and the chiropractor. Yes. Good Insurance now without that HUGE HUGE deductible to pay per person and treatments of such things as allergy tests on my skin, etc. Fun.

Thanks for all the Happy Birthday Wishes.

I had to work, but it was ok as I am the only one that can rescue the screw up that happened. So that made me feel needed and giving up the day on my birthday to work instead of play was a big shoulder pat for me *maybe only from me, but hey*!

It started off a but rough. Julia decided to take a tumble off the recliner / rocker we were both sitting in and proceeded to smack her head hard on the living room floor. I picked her up immediately and took her to the changing table and ask I swung around to the table, she vomited all over her, myself and the floor. That freaked me out. Projectile vomitting is not fun, in fact it scares me because I knew she hit her head so hard it might be a reason I would need to take her to the ER. I reached for the phone and my sister called out of the blue (7:00 in the am) but didn't get to ask her question as I filled her in on what happened and asked her motherly instincts of what I should do. She said the ER now. I had to call the on call doc to get that precertification and luckily our ped was on call (same one my sisters kids sees). The doc called back and said to remain calm (he must have hear the tears rolling down my face and the panic in my voice as I tried to dress Julia and get her ready to go out the door for the ER. Doc said to watch her for more signs. More vomitting, more disorientation, more hard hard crying, but by this time she had settled down in her daddys arms and was not crying hysterically anymore. Ahhhh. relief. He told me to have my sister (J's babysitter) bring J in if she shows any signs and I was to go to work and have a fun Birthday. LOL Oh I can get myself so worked up over my beautiful daughter.

All told, my daughter has a bump on her head, played and ate fine today and did take a small nap a few times a day. I called and DH called twice to check on her and my sister reassure us that we can calm down now.

Heck, J was flirting with the boys at the next table tonight at the steakhouse we ate my birthday dinner at. Yum. She is such a ham for the boys. tease!

2009 children's clothes and toy consignment sales list

MOMMIES, Ladies, Daddies, EVERYONE... here is your 2009 list of resale/consignment sales for 2009 I have compiled for the local St. Louis and surrounding areas. Please post a comment or email me if you know of a sale I can add to my list!

I'll keep posting new updated 2009 baby/children's resale list here on my blog.

First one so far is: (from craigslist)
The Spring/Summer JBF(Just Between Friends of St. Charles) St Charles sale will be: Friday, March 6th and Saturday, March 7th, at the Calvary Temple Assembly of God Multipurpose Room, 3930 McClay Road, Saint Charles, MO 63304. JBF is easy and fun! Please visit www.jbfsale.com for more information about this great kid’s sale event. shop. sell. save. smart!
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http://chesterfield.jbfsale.com/
Just Between Friends - West St.Louis County, MO.
shop. sell. save. smart!
Our Spring/Summer 2009 Sales Event
will be May 7th-9th, 2009
at
Maryville University-Monsanto Room
650 Maryville University Drive
St Louis, MO. 63141
(Library building)

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MOTC Re-Sell It Sale:
Greater St. Louis Mothers of Twins Club
RE-SELL-IT SALE
Spring/Summer Children’s Clothing (single and twin)
Books and Lots of Toys
Baby Equipment (swings, highchairs, etc.)
VISA & MasterCard accepted
(Additional charge may apply)

When: Saturday, April 18th
Open to the Public 1-3 p.m.
($1 admission per person)
Where: Lindbergh High School
4900 South Lindbergh Blvd.
St. Louis MO 63126
We hope you find the great bargains! The following information will make your shopping experience run smoothly:
1. Admission: $1 per person, including infants and children. For their safety, we recommend that children not be brought into the sale area.
2. Payment:
• Cash and check are accepted for all sale items. Checks will be pre-approved - a valid driver’s license is required for identification. Equipment will be purchased separately from all other items.
• VISA & MasterCard are accepted for all sale items.
Strollers, diaper bags, bags, and boxes are not allowed in the sale.
For your convenience, our Bakery & Snack Bar will be open 10:00 a.m.- 3:00 p.m.!
Directions

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http://www.storklady.net/ShoppersA.htm
Stork Lady's Semi-Annual Sale:
SPRING - SUMMER 2009 SALE
Saturday, March 21st: Open to Public - 8:00am - 5:00pm
Sunday, March 22nd: Open to Public - 12:00pm-4:00pm - 50% off most items
* LOCATION: ST. ELIZABETH'S GYM -1420 S. Sappington Rd - Crestwood 63126 *
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ANOTHER ONE I FOUND ONLINE
Children's Consignment Sale!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Our mom’s group has over 60 moms from the Metro East as members.
Great bargains will be found for:
Children's clothing and shoes from infant on up.
(pajamas, dresses, shirts, shorts, skirts, pants, coats, costumes, etc.)
Toys of all sizes for all ages
(too many to mention!)
Lots of Baby Equipment
(High chairs, baby swings, baby bath tubs, baby monitors, etc.)
Toddler Playground Equipment
Sports equipment for kids
Maternity Clothes
The sale will be located at:
Whiteside Elemetary School
(Just east of Old Collinsville Road on Lebanon Avenue)
2028 Lebanon Avenue
Belleville, Illinois

Saturday, March 21, 2009
Time: 8 am to Noon
www.metroeastmoms.homestead.com

Mothers and More Chapter #126 serves the Metro East area located in St. Clair County across the river from St. Louis Missouri. Many of our moms are from O'Fallon, Shiloh, Fairview Heights, Belleville, Mascoutah, Lebanon, Swansea, and Caseyville, Illionis areas. Please see our website for more information: www.metroeastmoms.homestead.com
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MEHLVILLE HIGH SCHOOL BABY MANIA SALE Spring Baby Mania - May 2, 2009

M.O.M.S. Club will be hosting their semi-annual Baby Mania (children tailgate sale) this Spring, May 2, 2009 from 8-12. Mehlville Senior High parking lot.

For more information call 314-467-5345.
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MOMMES (Mothers Of Triplets or more) will be hosting their Spring/Summer Resale on Friday April 3rd from 7-9pm & Saturday April 4th from 7-11am. Sale will be at Community of Christ Church, 2790 Hwy K, O'Fallon, MO $1.00 admission for anyone over 12 (this money goes to the church as a Thank You for letting us use their building). The sale will have everything from clothes, toys, shoes, baby equipment, Little Tykes and more! This is a HUGE SALE (a whole gym full plus several rooms of more stuff). Feel free to email me with any questions.
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some of the others I am searching for are:
edwardsville high school sale....

can you think of others for me to post about?

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HELPFUL SITES: (first one is the link to the LA TIMES story on the new federal law that goes into effect Feb 10, 2009 about not allowing resale of clothes and toys for kids unless they are tested for lead. I'll keep updating this because as of today 1/11/09, the law is apparently being amended again. )

http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-thrift2-2009jan02,0,2083247.story

LINK TO SITE FOR MISSOURI SALES:
http://www.kidsconsignmentsales.com/mo.htm#stlouis

back to the swing of things

Tomorrow (or is that today?) marks the 3rd round of swimming lessons for Ms. J at the local YMCA. She loves the tub water and even loves the pool more. This class will be the last she will have with her cousin attending for some time to come :(. Her cousin gets to graduate at the end of this class to the next age group. Sweet for her! We sure will miss her until Ms. J can graduate at 24 months also! I plan on taking evening classes after this one until fall. I need my Saturdays to do a few things (yard sales, both having them and attending them. LOL) in the Spring and Summer months plus we go camping OFTEN and I won't give that up. Plus it gives us something to do on the nights that daddy is at his college evening classes.

I booked hosting a Party Lite Party in March. I need to call the rep back and set up the date on another day. I thought the first Saturday in March would work, but my schedule is not allowing it now. Ugh. I hate to change it, but I'll shoot for Mid-March now.

Tonight, Julia was a hoot. She was clingy, but so much fun. I finally hid her "favorite books" so she could explore her new books she got at Christmas time. She has been stuck on a certain 5 or 6 books for the last few weeks and won't look at the other 50 books or so she has between the living room and her bedroom. So I got out some new books for her to read tonight after she went to bed. The other books she was so addicted to are now on the top shelf of her bookcase. I know some may think I am mean in taking them away, but I was taught as a child in school to rotate your books around and I plan on continuing this with our children.

Do your children have certain books they LOVE?

Thank you so much for your support

You all are so sweet to post and give us support through this all. Thank you!

I want to tell everyone that we are feeling so much better after a few days of rehashing the idea of a huge change in the communication/lack of/ with J's birthmother. We respect her wishes and are moving forward. We will always tell J about her birthmother and siblings and other birthrelatives. We have pictures on her nursery wall and always thank her tummy mommy for giving us the gift of a beautiful daughter and we will always tell J of that great gift and love her tummy mommy has for her.

Life throws us curves all the time and we will always try to look on the sunny side of things even if they seem to hurt so much. I will keep telling myself that we didn't do anything wrong to bring this decision about, heck we went out of our way in many cases to make that contact.

I have J's 1 year pictures and letter ready to go, pictures from 1 year to current and started a letter. I do have Christmas Presents for J's birthsiblings and do plan on boxing them up and sending them to them in a few days. If anything comes back returned, we will keep them here, but send the letters and pictures onto the agency to hold for her tummy mommy when she is ready to receive them. The agency will understand this. I am sure they have several situations that they hold letters and pictures for future contact.

In time of this happening, there is a local Adoption support group tomorrow night so this is great timing for the need of support and understanding from the local peers having adopted and or going through.

my heart breaks to say we are now in a closed adoption non-relationship with

our daughters birthmother/family.

This situation is something I feared blogging about. I really didn't think it would happen to us and our daughter and her birthfamily, but it has.

I don't post this with the intention to scare anyone reading this that is thinking of adopting, are in the process and or are already placed with a child/baby. Please understand I write from my heart here, I don't do that often, but I had a dream and feeling this would happen and it has. I really hope this turns around to be a fully open adoption again one day, but if not, I will grieve our loss and move on in due time.

Not every adoption is the same, but I still share my story for those of you that know adoption can be WONDERFUL and yet you can sit silent with fears that can fill you through out the many parts of the day with "what if's".

I feared for the last few months that I might have said something 3 days before our daughters 1st birthday party that offended her birthmother so much that she didn't come to her party. No, that didn't really cause the issue of us not having spoke to her or met up in person with her since.

Issues beyond our control as Adoptive Parents to J run along the line of it being too hard for her birthmother to see J in person at this point in time in her life. I am sad that this is happening to her, but sad for everyone involved, including two birthsiblings she has that we won't see for a long time to come or ever, if I may be so blunt. We only live 20 min away from her bithmothers place right now, but we have decided we will totally respect her decision to not see her now or even maybe in the long long future.

I will never pretend to know what a birthmother goes through when she relinquishes the parental rights of her child/baby. I will never know the emotions she had in her heart each time she saw J in person. Well, now I do know that it was way too painful for her. Thus she has chosen to back away from the contact.

After getting off the phone with the mutual friend L that we have between us and the birthmother, I felt like my heart was slowly sinking into a depressive state of beating. Almost an ache I was not familiar with, like a sob was ready to come out. Luckily my wonderful hubby just stood in front of me and opened his arms up wide and gave me a hug and said we are ok, we are going to make it through this and we know we have to respect her decision to have no contact at this point in time in J's life.

With heavy hearts I say I was warned by our social worker that this might happen. We were prepped by the sworker that we might have a beautiful monthly or so contact with her, but in many cases the contact ceases after only 1 year of contact. This is just the opposite of having gone into an adoption with fully closed intentions from both parties and later, maybe years later that adoption contact slowly opens up and a longtime relationship is established with those parties involved. We are on the road from Very open to nearly VERY closed.

I have pictures and letters for 2 different updates that I will send along with Christmas gifts for both her sistersibling and brothersibling and a gift for J's birthmother. I bough these things with intention of seeing them in person soon, but now I know We won't. We do have pictures we show Julia ever day of her siblings and her tummy mommy (birthmother) and of her birthgrandma also). I will always leave them up on her wall until she is ready to remove them.

J's tummy mommy gave us one of the most precious gifts in our lives and I will always relay that to her in the letters. I hope she knows we think of her and her children every day while we all go through life in the next days, weeks and years.

With a heavy heart and tears welling up.... I say to you to not look at this as a negative post, but more of a bump in the road of the adoption process. I feel maybe one day we all will reunite and I won't give up that feeling either.

our hearts will mend, our minds will soon return to a state of total enjoyment of watching our daughter blossom into a beautiful toddler, girl and teen and so on.

Off to write that letter for her 15 month update to send to her birthfamily.

If you ever have questions about open domestic adoption, feel free to post here or contact me through my blog email.

As I put our daughter in her crib tonight, I told her I love her and everyone else does too! I know that is not a lie!

going shopping with DH and daughter

I want to NOT shop, but it is necessary since DH bought a bass guitar off of craiglist this past week. Yikes. Now that means he has to buy an amp and accessories. Shopping not for me, but for him? Not fair. Maybe Julia and I might have to sneak into the toy store if we go to the mall.. wink wink

2009 rings in with a marathon of the vintage show "Emergency"

DH is watching "Emergency"

hehe

I watched this show religiously when I was a kid. My favorite character was John "Johnny" Roderick Gage. How was your favorite character?

2009

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Did I just have a flash back to the 1990's?

On my way home tonight, I drove down brentwood and was going to turn east onto Marshall. I looked over to my right at the 66 gas station and took a double look.. wait, a triple look. OOHHHHH MYYYYY GOOSSSHHHHH, Regular Unleaded Gas was priced at 1.19 a gallon. Yes. $1.19 per gallon. WOW. I was already turning onto Marshall so I had to go up the block and then turn around. I quickly got in line behind about 5 other cars that must have had the same exact reaction as I did. OMG. NO WAY WAS I GOING TO PASS UP THAT PRICE. I was near a 1/4 of a tank of gas and needed to stop in the morning before work so why not now. Yes, I had to wait in line, but everyone was so nice, no horns honking and lines out both sides of the gas station for all 4 pumps. SWEET. I scored a good buy. I filled up, bought a lottery ticket or two and then proceeded to recap my locking gas cap (got one when it was near 4.00 a gallon this past summer). I left out of there and proceeded home passing up 4 other gas stations. They were all priced between 1.25 and 1.29 a gallon. I felt as though I had just robbed the bank with such a bargain price at that 66 station.

I love me a bargain.

What is the price where you are?

I stopped to think back to 1986 when I first got my license and had to put my first amount of my hard earned babysitting money into my tank. I recall paying around .75 cents a gallon and cried at the outrageous price then. Never would I have thought that 3.50 was a bargain as it was this past summer. Hah When you started driving, what year was it and what was the price per gallon?

15 months later and I am loving every moment of it

Julia, you turned 15 months yesterday and let me say that you make me smile so many times each day. I have enjoyed this past few days with you over this Christmas week that I have been off work.

I loved watching you try to open a few of your wrapped gifts from Santa and a few from both sides of the family. I am sorry I messed up on trying to record your opening of Santa's gifts and the gifts from mommy and daddy. Dang it. Next time I'll make sure we take some still photos to cover the lack of mommy's memory to change out the memory card in the recorder. LOL

You warm my heart when you call my name. maaaammaaaaaa, you yell through the house looking for me. You do this to daddy about 90% more, but I know you are just a total daddy's girl right now. (I always say, "Julia, What am I? chopped liver" just after you call daaaaddaaaaaa through the house that 90% of the time, but I still love you 100%!

You love to get up on the couch and slip behind me if I am sitting forward. You grab my shoulder and pull me back to "lay" on you and squish you against the pillow back of the couch. You just crack up laughing when I do this. Then if I stop paying attention to you at that time, you will look around my shoulder at my face and just laugh really hard knowing I am going to squish you as soon as you move behind me again. Dang, I need to get daaaadaaaaa to record this for us to put on here for our viewing pleasure.

at least a few times a day you will come over to daddy or I and hand us a book to help you read. Your favorite books are Dr. Suuss's flap book, a kitten counting book, a Peter Rabbit flap book that shows colors. Goodnight Moon. When we read Goodnight moon to you, you love it when we make the SSHHHHHH sound when the old lady is whispering Huusshhhhhhhhhhh. You even started putting your finger up to your mouth for the sssshhhhhhh sound like we do. You also meow when you see the kitties and love to squeak when we say mouse. You also learned how to say "sox".

Tonight, I was reading a book to you about animals and you were trying so hard to repeat the word ALLIGATOR back to me after I would say it to you. Daddy agreed that you almost have it down pat.

Your favorite phrase is "What's dis" and then you point to the item you are interested in. Especially the strand of Christmas lights we have around the doorway to the kitchen. This is amazing that you are putting more than one word together.

You were playing with 3 toys and figured out how to carry all 3 at the same time. You stuck one of the toys under your arm and then carried the other two in your hands to get to the other room. That sure is building your multitasking and problem solving skills!

We have been really trying hard to get the "sharing toys" issue worked out. I know, you are a bit young, but you can't just walk up to your friends and cousins and take their toys. You can ask to share them first. LOL Oh this is going to be fun in the next few months to see how you and your cousin B do with your toy sharing. B is nearly 34 months old and has really shown you how to throw that temper out there if you don't get your way.

I promise you, this coming weekend we will go to the Magic House. I can't wait. I wish it were summer so we could go to the zoo. I know how interested you are in your animal books right now.

I love you and I can't wait to watch the next fun thing you pick up on.

wordless wednesdays - MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY HOLIDAYS

a quick video for you too....
enjoy

Is there really only 4 full shopping days until Christmas?

Ummmm, dang it, I need to get my shopping done. Are you done? If so, are you done wrapping? I have not even started wrapping yet.

I am 3/4 the way done shopping, but need to get DH something else (since he bought his own gift, rock band), and more barbie clothes for my niece and a gift for my MIL. I can't wait to get this done.

I might venture out this afternoon after DH wakes up. Yes, I said Wakes up at 12 pm NOON... I get to sleep in tomorrow (at least that is what I am telling DH tonight when I go to bed.) ha

Oh, I also want to buy a gift for Julia's birthmother. I think I am going to do a basket of lotions from Bath and Body works. I hope she likes the scents I get her. Don't know when we will see her, but I hope it is soon.

do you ever laugh at your kids when they are full of it?

Julia started twirling around and around while in the living room now. So much so that she gets dizzy and falls on her butt and then laughs. This Cracks me up. I wish I could catch it on video, but she does it when I am furthest (or farthest if you are grammar police) from my camera and she always stops when I do reach it and try to start the recording. Ha. I'll beat her to the punch eventually. I am not really laughing AT HER, but laughing in joy that she is learning things so quickly and having fun doing it.

We had to ask my sister and her family to watch their words. "Oh Sh*t" is a phrase we have thought we heard Julia saying in the last few days. Well, yes, she did say it clear as a bell the other night when DH was putting her in the car. Yikes. We really have to watch what we say now.

7 Teeth are in and the 4 molars are really making her drool gobs again.

I added her to my 2009 vision and dental benefits. Not much more per month so I thought it was worth it just in case. Blindness runs in her birthmothers family so we are being cautious.

I really want to go to the Zoo Wild Lights soon. We couldn't go last weekend due to the exposure to mono and strep. Thankfully no signs here of either icky sickness.

I am working on another letter to send to Julia's birthmother for her 15 month update (27th). Amazing how fast things are flying by since we have last talked and seen her birthmother. This brings on a new subject I want to talk about how contact can change in an open adoption.

We have come to realize that we can't control the amount of contact with have with Julia's birthmother. We accept that if we try to make contact with her, it might be months before we hear from her again. That is just how it works. Last we talked with her was right before J's birthday party. Even longer since we have seen her. We want her to see her, but if she is not ready or wants more time between contact, we just have to accept it to be on her time line. Yes, I get scared that we might not ever see her and J's birth siblings again, but I will never stop sending her letters. I'll send them to her home unless they come back as undeliverable. Then I will just send them to our agency and ask them to hold onto them until we talk to her or when she calls them. I want her to know we are here for her, but we don't want her to feel as though we are barging in on her life or trying to judge her. I will convey this in my next letter to her. I want her to feel that she can call us any day or night and we are glad to set up times to come see them and take them to the park or zoo. I know it might be uncomfortable for her, but she says it is great to see all of us when we do get together. I miss them.

wordless wednesdays

exposure to strep and mono and lott.ery numbers

Well, our daughter has been exposed to Strep and Mono. My 15 yr old niece has been diagnosed with both. This matters because our daughter is over at her house 5 days a week and my niece helps my sister with our daughter each afternoon when she gets home from high school. The poor girl (will call her L), had to go to the ER today due to being so swollen from the mono and strep. See, this is a new strain of strep. It starts out as a rosey red rash on the arms and upper body, then all symptoms turn into throat strep. Her face and inside throat were swollen today so they had to take her in and make sure it was not going to restrict her airway. She is feeling a little better, but is down and out for 10 days.

The timing of this is crazy. Luckily I have 1 vacation day available between now and xmas so I am on a vacation day tomorrow(well, today if you really want to watch the clock, hehe). Tuesday, DH is on his one day of being laid off jobs. (he starts back to work Wednesday). So if we need to keep her away from my sisters house because of my niece, I'll have to employ my Mother-In-Law to watch Julia. My MIL volunteered to help out so that works out so much better than me having to take off without pay.

Also a hard timing issue for my niece with end of semester exams coming up in a few weeks time.

I pray she gets well soon. luckily Julia and my niece have the same pediatrician so we know after a few days time of antibiotics for my niece, the contagious period should pass. I HOPE!

Ok, off to admire the xmas gift I bought dd tonight. Target was loaded with elmo live boxes! YEAH. I debated and debated about buying one, but after having matched 5 of the 6 numbers in the MO lott.ery this weekend (no, I didn't win millions, LOL) , you bet I bought her one. hehe..

edited to add:

I told DH this morning when he woke up that Elmo Live jumped in my cart before checking out at Target last night. He just gave me a chuckle. I am sure Julia will have a blast.

starting to get into the Christmas Spirit

Even with the death of a friend from cancer, even with DH' being in the middle of his job elimination, I have this little flame of Christmas Spirit rising up in me. FINALLY!

Today I attended a Party Lite candle party that my SIL hosted. I didn't think I would want to buy anything. Just not into buying those types of things lately with the money times uncertain with DH's job loss, BUT I found some very very nice items and even booked a party. After hearing the "credit" my SIL got from her party, YOU BET I BOOKED a party. She got nearly 450.00 in credit for items for herself. WOOOOZZZAAAA. The party I booked is in March so the catalog changes next month, but I will still love to get a few items for credit for hosting. So that brightened my day. Let me know if you want to order something.. hehe

I am 3/4 of the way done shopping. Now I am in a much better spirit of the season that I am doing wrapping this coming week. I'll try and do the rest of my shopping this week too.

We are going to try and do the Zoo Wild Light night tomorrow evening if the bad weather does not creep in too soon. We are members so ticket prices are nice and Julia is really into lights right now. She even walks up to the strands of lights DH put up in the kitchen doorway and points to them and says "What's dis", I say "light" and tell her what color they are. She then tries to repeat the color it is. TOO CUTE. I really think she will enjoy seeing the lights. Also there are many blocks in our local neighborhoods in south st. louis city that have decorated every house on these blocks. I MEAN EVERY HOUSE. If you are ever around Francis Park in the City at night in the Holiday season, please go up and down the blocks or Loran, Walsh, Delor, Itaska, murdoch, Devonshire, Lansdowne between Jamieson and Hampton blocks. Pretty cool. I don't do that much decorating because we were vandalized several years in a row. Just afraid to put nice items out still. ugh stupid kids. ok, enough about the hoosier kids in my area. LOL

LOL.. watching cheaters and let me tell you something, that program is to funny. WHat is even funnier, the commercials ... nothing but "adult" type products for ma.le en.hancements. Ha, what a mix of commercials and junk tv.

Surfing at 1:48 am is not good for me. The little sweet girl of mine will be up in another 5 hours. Yick. No sleep for me.

I need to get back on my weight watcher program. Gotta pick a new night of the week to go. Tuesday nights don't work for me anymore with volunteering for my local IAS group, DH's school every Tuesday night next semester and Wednesday nights won't work because I need to sign Julia up for evening swimming lessons and Wednesday nights are my only option right now.

Do you ever wonder how many people go without being able to celebrate the season? I can't do it now, but next year I will adopt one of the 100 neediest families and hopefully with the help of each side of my family be able to make a very special Christmas for some children. I am so thankful my parents made the best of the season with church and family so it is my turn to give back. I did drop my donation in the salvation army red kettle last week, I hope to do that a few more times before the season is over and I do give to the united way so I hope that helps many out there. I am so thankful for what we have. I am not a materialistic person, but I hate to think that even one child goes without a toy over the season.

Yikes again. The Weather 11 team is flashing winter storm watch for the greater st. louis/st. charles and into IL areas. Gotta go buy some rock salt for the sidewalks. Gotta get a new window scraper for the truck and my vehicle. I am sure the stores won't have milk and bread tomorrow. Will gas prices jump too?

I can't believe I have stitches appearing through my incision

I had emergency gall bladder removal (cholecystectomy) on January 31, 2008(It was snowing to beat the bandit that day too). My co-workers drove me to the emergency room at DesPeres hospital in W. County and in 3 hours time I was in surgery having my bad ignorant gall bladder taken out (3rd attack in 4 weeks time). I have an incision about 1 inch wide on my upper belly that apparently is tired of the stitches that should have dissolved many months ago. Now I have an inflamed area in that incision and I can feel a hard item in there... a stitch trying hard to work its way out. If this does not clear up and pop out on its own in the next few weeks, I'll have to go back and ask the doc to take it out. Shame of that is that I won't have the same insurance company so they will probably deny paying the doc visit invoice. Ha.

I am switching from Dh's health insurance to my company's h ins. But my company has not sent out our forms or electronic registration yet. Crazy. It is the middle of December and we don't have any information on what options we can choose from yet. Oh well. I just hope I don't get an infection raging while waiting for the new insurance to kick in.

DH is excited to start the new contracting job he has from the 17th of Dec until around the end of March. After that, I guess he will be at the SSA office applying for unemployment if he can't find a job by the end of March. I really hope this works out. Meantime, he just signed up for 6 hours of college courses for next semester. Looks like he will be able to do his 2 year degree finalization by end of Summer. Sweet.

oops.. the little one is awake. I bet she threw her binkie out of her crib. gotta go fetch it for her. LOL

Have a great weekend.

So happy West Hwy 40 project is opening Monday! (yes, we folk from st. louis call it hwy 40, not 64!! Gotta agree with JC on the radio with that one).

Sad a major winter weather system is going to arrive just in time for Monday morning traffic.

daddy's litte helper

cam you tell we are in trouble with a climber? She climbed from the floor to the barstool height chairs right onto the dining room table at my sisters the other day (she watches J full time). I am signing her up for a tumbling class at the ymca after the first of the year. She is an acrobat already.

I promise a picture soon of her pierced ears. She already lost an earring in the tub at my sisters (they love play time in the tub there) and so she has just a simple gold stud in there right now, but I'll change them back to the daisy flowers like she had at the beginning. She is not really bothered by them at all now.

Need to get to wrapping some Christmas presents and finish up my shopping next week.

Speaking of next week. Monday the 15th is Dh's last day at his job. His end date of employment from the buyout/merger comes to an end after working for that company after 18 years of service. He did agree and is signing an extension to work for them for another 3-4 months as a contractor though so that helps with the income. He still gets his full severance too! So between the severance and the federal tax refund we will greatly benefit (adoption tax credit applies this year! YEAH). SWEET. Sacking away at least a years worth of house payments with his severance though.

Ok, off to bed.

T, if you are reading this, I promise I'll call you on my lunch tomorrow.

We will miss you Natalie.. sorry cancer had to take you

our friend Natalie (see previous posts) passed away this morning from cancer.


tears.


I pray for her family to get through this all and especially her 3 young children. Healing for them will be a long process.


Natalie,

Thanks for keeping those smiles on my face through those rough days of infertility. Thanks for teaching me that mommyhood was possible.

Soaking up the Joys of Motherhood

Today, I fed Ms. Julia a bowl of Apples and Cinnamon Oatmeal. She loved it so much that she decorated herself in it (I took off her shirt before, but forgot the pants could get so dirty too with oatmeal). I took her immediately to the bathtub after eating so wash off the leftover yummy oatmeal.

She loves her baths so this was not a problem getting her to take one in the middle of the day, instead of her every-other-night bath before bedtime routine. She played with her letters and stood up, looked at me with this face only a mother knows (i'm gonna poop face) then DROPPED THE MOTHERLOAD into the tub.

Yes, ladies and gents.... I have been officially christened with the POP in the Bathtub water episode. This is episode #1. I saw this look on her face as she stood up and then heard the plop plop of several gifts into the water. EWWWWWWWW. I grabbed her, yelled for DH to come get her (he was sleeping, LOL) and then I had to proceed in scrubbing the tub and all the toys that were in the tub. Let me say again...Ewwwwwww.... Ahhhh, the joys of motherhood/parenting.

Hey, I am really surprised this event of pooping in the bath tub has not happened before this. I think Julia was bothered that she didn't have a diaper on when she pooped. Ha. She got this so serious look and then looked down and realized it was going into the water instead of her diaper. Too funny. I laughed the whole time this transpired saying to myself and DH... "This is what parenting is all about, POOPING IN THE TUB while taking a bath". Crazy.

Today was not fun for me on the most part due to a nasty day of allergy attacks. I can't wait for my new health insurance to start Jan 1, 2009. I'll have coverage to go see an ENT and get my skin allergy tests done. FINALLY. I have not had insurance for this in over 10 years and never had skin tests done to find out what my allergies are. I can tell you some of them just by experience and how to treat or avoid them, but this testing will allow me the benefit of knowing what kind of treatment will help me from these such debilitating attacks I have ever so often. Attacks include sneezing at least 50 times in a 20 minute period, repeat this ever hour of the waking day. Being woke up out of sleep with huge sneezing fits. Not being able to catch my breath after these such attacks, I swear I have asthma, but never been tested for it. I can't wait for the good insurance to finally start up.

Reason I am getting new insurance is that DH's last day of work with his current employer(Displament / end of employment date was moved up from March 2009 to December 15, 2008) is December 15th so I must add him and Julia to my insurance at my company and Thankfully we have a great 3 tier program to select from. I so hope I can get a decent raise at my review that is to take place soon. (11 years with my company as of Dec 1st. ) Holding my breath on the raise though. Bahhhh

Visit with Dh's side of the family tomorrow with SANTA. We are going to Crestwood mall so I'll report back then to let you know how it all went.

I know there is another milestone for Julia, but I can't think of what it was I wanted to blog about. Ok, need to put a pen and paper by the bed incase I wake up in the middle of the night thinking of it.

Anyone play Bingo around here? Man, I miss going and am bugging to go soon. No, I don't like the smoke filled rooms of the hall they play in , but it is fun to get away for a few hours and relax playing.

p.s. thanks to my loving DH for doing the laundry and the dishes and cooking dinner! You ROCK!

tears are falling, I HATE CANCER

I just found out this morning that our friend Natalie has stopped her treatment battle against cancer. I was getting ready to head to swimming lessons and got the message about Natalie being put into hospice. I just broke down and cried. I can't believe it is coming to reality that she has stopped treatment and hospice is taking over her care.

It breaks my heart for her to suffer the pain she is in, her family to suffer and especially at the Holiday Season that is normally filled with joy and celebration.

Sadly enough, this time of the year brings sadness to my life in the anniversary date of my own dad's death from cancer too. December 15, 1995 is the day that he died in our living room in our house that I grew up in. He was 49 YOUNG years old. I prayed for the pain to go away for him and after nearly 2 weeks of intense hospice care in our home. He took his last breath around 12:45 pm. I was not at his side, but most of our family was. I regret not having taken that day to be at his side.

Cancer is so evil.

I pray for Natalie, I pray for her family(3 kids included) and friends. I dread that call that will tell us she passed, but yet I pray that she is not in pain so much. 39 ears old is WAY TOO YOUNG to be lost to cancer or ANY other disease.

December is way too busy, but I love it

Do you ever find that the month of December is always packed full with things to do that you accidentally overbook yourself for the same time and date for something?

Well, I swear it has not happened yet this December, but I keep dreaming it will. I fear forgetting to write something down on the calendar and missing such action packed fun events. Such as Wild Light Nights at the St. Louis Zoo, or Santa's Magical Kingdom at Jellystone Park in Eureka MO, and visiting Santa of course at Crestwood Mall. We have 2 holiday parties to go to, one candle party, Parents as Teachers come over next Tuesday, the shame of that is that we will miss Julia's cousins school musical :( Oh and the SHARE group is having their candle light memorial service this Saturday at the Angel of Hope garden in Blanchette Park in St. CHarles. We plan on being there as we do have a memorial brick. We bring a candle and one white flower (they say rose, I like carnations). This is the first one we are going to attend in all the 8 years of miscarriages we went through. I plan on bringing lots of tissues.

I have my work calendar written out, but my palm is dead so I had to find a pocket calendar to keep up with things. This brings me to my palm issue. My co-worker got a new Palm Centro. Hummmm, Looks like I might have to buy myself a new one though, not refurbished. LOL See, I get to buy myself a gift because Dh decided to buy his own. I am up for contract and with rebates I think I can get this for very little money. My kind of deal. Anyone have one of these? Or can recommend a phone they really like that has pda capabilities? I am with AT&T wireless. You?

Julia's newest milestone... She heard the phone ring at the sitters house (her aunt's) and looked at the phone and said "who's it?" as my sister was answering it. LOL Who's it? Who is it is just amazing to hear. She put words together. WOOOHOOOO!

words: what's this, book

newest words and things you do to make you look 20 years old

Julia, my sweetie, you are growing up way too fast, but I won't complain about that since I waited for these moments for over 9 years.

You love the puzzle you got for your 1st birthday. It has a cow, cat, mouse, dog, bird, sheep and fish in a fish bowl puzzle slots. Tonight we were playing with this trying to get you to put the pieces of the puzzle back together and you took out the Mouse and I said "Oh that the Mouse" and you immediately looked at me and then Daddy and said the word Mouse! Loud and clear. So I pointed to the picture of the mouse as we put the puzzle piece back and asked you what this animal was and you looked up and said Mouse again. WOOOOHOOOO. I can't believe how quickly you are picking up the words and know their meanings now too. We played with this puzzle for about 20 minutes before you were distracted by the next toy. LOL

Newest words: Mouse, ouch, clearly saying Sadie now. Bath (which you start running to the bathroom and open the shower curtain to get to view the bathtub, the girl loves her baths), sit, down, (Ill think of some more later). I need to keep these words on a running list. Seems you develop new words every day or so now. Amazing.

You climbed up onto the computer chair and then proceeded to stand up on it too. I had to coax you down with a nice gentle, "Julia please sit" comment. You did sit, but immediately stood up and did this over and over while pushing the buttons on the keyboard. Do I need to find you your own desk and keyboard now too? It is hard enough to fight over the desktop with Daddy needing to do homework for college and our laptop being on the fritz right now. Yes, Santa is wonderful, but I just don't think he has a laptop for your use or a desktop computer either. Maybe in a few years, ok sweetie?

I called the mutual friend of your tummy mommy and left a message asking to have your birthmother H call us back. I did this on Wednesday. I hope they call tomorrow. I so want to hear from H and hope to invite her over for a holiday dinner here for just her immediate family and DH, you and I.

J, you turned 14 months old on the 27th. My gosh girl, you are growing so much. At home I weighed you and you were 23 lbs. I had a hard time getting you into your size 18 month gap pants the other day. I have a feeling you will be in 24month / 2T outfits sooner than I expected. Ugh, I didn't do shopping for that size for a winter season. I did get you some 24 months items for Spring/Summer. Dang. Gotta hit the shops soon for you then. Grow baby Grow. Thrive and Thrive some more. I love you.

p.s. FYI.......I use the term Tummy Mommy in agreement with J's birthmother. This is one of the things she said was comfortable hearing her being called when J gets old enough. I don't use it to be disrespected to J's birthmother.

2008 Christopher Radko Adoption ornament at Macy's

No, I am not being paid to advertise this, but I am telling you all that have adopted or are on the path to adopt, the 2008 Christopher Radko / Dave Thomas Foundation hand blown glass Adoption ornament is at Macy's. I got one for us and one for Julia in 2007 so I am off to buy the 2008 ornament. I will give her one of these each year and have one on our tree each year. Yes, they are a bit expensive, but I want to celebrate the blessing of adoption in our lives and this is one way to express that celebration.
click on this "green" link below to go to Macy's and review the ornament.
Macy's 2008 Radko Adoption ornament

my Sweet baby girl has new bling bling (earrings)

DH talked me into getting Julia's ears pierced today.

I had this feeling that I should not get her ears pierced for the longest time. I don't know, just a right of passage, I guess, because I couldn't get mine done until I was 14??!!

I must confess, I LOVE THEM.

I'll try to take a close up picture of her new bling bling tomorrow and post the picture tomorrow night. DH did a good job of picking out some cute bling bling for her too!

I was not there when he took her to the mall today. He called me to ask me I would be ok if he got her ears pierced and I said NO initially, but after two calls to me at work, I finally said OK(I said no on a few trips to the mall in the past few months too).

He said she cried for about 5 seconds (two ladies did each ear at the same time)and then she acted like nothing ever happened. Ahhh, relief. I did tell him to give her some tylenol before he got them pierced so maybe that helped with her pain. I also made DH promise that he will be taking care of her earrings, turning them, cleaning them, changing them... etc.. He agreed. Nice compromise, I guess. hehe

for now, here is her recent picture of admiring herself in the window reflection at my friends house. LOL she loves looking at herself. awwwww

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU ALL.

I wish I had the extra money for these invisioned blog makeover looks

Yes, I am envisioning a few blog look, but can't see to bring up a few bucks to do this. I found 4 other blogs tonight through others that all have the same green blog I do. UGH.. I want to be different in a way as picture title and with some cute backgrounds! BUT Can't do the revamp until the first of the year because DH's Job ends December 15th.. Crunching pennies until then.

ANy blog designers you can recommend to me that won't cost me an arm and a leg?

I am so excited.. I know, it might not be a big deal to you (Highway 40/64 reopening)

Yes, I am STOKED! The stretch of Highway (Forty or Farty if you are from South St. Louis City)40/64 from Spoede and Brentwood is reopening December 15, 2008. About 2-3 months ahead of schedule. This will eliminate my drive on hwy 270 Northbound from Hwy 44 to Hwy 40/64 or as I take getting off at Manchester to Topping to Clayton to Mason to North Outer 40 Drive.

I AM SO EXCITED. I'll probably has as long of a drive to work since I can't get on 40/64 until Brentwood or McKnight, but at least I know my back streets to get to and from the highway.

Hwy 270 N has been a parking lot the last few days at 8:00 am and thus I have been late for work by about a total of 30 minutes. I had to stay late to make up that time last night and I hate that.

Also, driving a stick shift vehicle in bumper to bumper traffic is horrible. This is when I wish I had my little ford focus back again instead of the manual / stick shift tribute I now have. Yes, I bought the tribute before they announced the highway closure so I am stuck with this until the reopening of bumper to bumper .. clutch killing driving. Just ask anyone that drives a stick shift/manual transmission car. They too would tell you they hate bumper to bumper.

I often thought about asking to change my hours to 8:00 - 4:00 pm, but I have to take Julia to the sitter in the morning to dropping her off after the 7:30 opening time of the sitter works out for me to take her and DH picks her up around 3:45 pm each day. Now with the highway opening I won't need to ask to change hours. See, I drive west from home against traffic for the most part so hwy 40 drive from the City to West County was typically not bumper to bumper!!


I CAN'T WAIT .. WOOOHOOO. less than a month away.


Ok, off to snuggle with the kiddo before I tackle that danged traffic.

Happy Day to you all.

thanks to my local friend... Welight Watchers is my new LIFE

Yes, I am back at Weight Watchers after a few year break. I had to do this for me and for my family, especially Julia. And with my friend holding my hand, we weighed in last week (my first for me and her 2nd in a few weeks) and we both did ok this week going back for our first official weigh in ..
for me:

first weigh in 11/4/08
218.8
2nd weigh in 11/11/08
212.8
total lost : 6 lbs

3rd weigh in 11/18/08
.4 lbs lost... not quite 1.2 a pound, but it is a loss nonetheless!!!
4th weigh in 11/25/08 (Oh the dreaded date before Thanksgiving dinner IF YOU BITE IT WRITE IT NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT COST> )

5th weigh in 12/2/08

6th weigh in 12/9/08

7th weigh in 12/16/08

8th weigh in 12/23/08

9th weigh in 12/30/08

Those dates will get me through the toughest time in the year to eat. Eat Properly, Track, Drink that water, Take a walk around the blok (or blogs) and keep busy from not eating that sweet treat .... LIMIT yourself. Be your own motivator. Set Goals.

I did it, I went and got it all cut off

Yup.. SHORT hair cut. I LOVE IT. It only cost $15.00 (plus cash tip) at Great Clips! WOOHOOOOOO. (Dang it, I could not find a coupon for a cheaper rate, Ha)

No more 47.00 hair stylist on my list (yes, I use to pay that much way back when and that is why I had over 5 inches cut off my hair(read) because I couldn't afford that kind of costs anymore in like forever now).

Now to give myself that 60.00 color treatment for $3.00 in a box. Tomorrow's agenda includes this treatment mentioned. DH will even help me if I can't get the back of my hair really well. Good doobie he is to me!

money found money earned... even if it is only

$1.59 found in the middle of the street ... on a panera bread gift card. WOW... I love finding money. I'll ask the neighbors around me first before using it on my next trip to get a yummy salad.

Monday earned this past week was 19.00 on toys that were extras around the house and or toys that J did not play with anymore. Craigslist ROCKS! Thanks buyers.

so 20.59 in one week earned, found is not bad.

How is your week going so far?

This money is going towards buying J a WINTER coat. realizing that she does not have one that fit her anymore, we are in a heap of trouble with this cold weather setting in. Looking for a 2T Winter coat if you know of any, please drop me an email. I hope to find one at the resale shop today, but email me if you do know of anyone selling theirs.

Have a WONDERFUL Saturday.

off to watch DH in the pool with J for her swim lessons since our yard sale we were suppose to have was canceled due to cold and wind.

milestones for 13.5 months old

My sweet daughter,

Today I saw you blowing on your mashed potatoes to cool them down because you thought they were too hot after I put them on your tray.

You figured out how to push Chicken Elmo's toes so he could sing "Elmo wants to be a chicken, elmo wants to be a duck, bawk bawk bawk bawk...." and then you dance your pants off with Elmo.

Tonight, you insisted on grabbing your grown out of clothes out of the box I am putting together for the yard sale Saturday. You are not helping mommy here sweetie, really. Bahhhh

Since you started walking at 10 months old, you are now RUNNING across the room. LOL you little butt is so cute when it goes that fast.

Your words so far: light, dog, hannah(sounds like haha with no n's), daddy, mommy, ball, fish, juice, bye-bye, hello, down, up, baba (bottle), duck, hot, bounce, button (belly button), bird, moon, moooo for cow, meow for kitty, ruff for dog, (I know there are more, but I just can't think of them). milk. You can repeat sounds for some animals after I saw them like the elephant, horse, lion and duck.

You can use the sign language motions of: Eat, all done, juice, milk, down and up.
You know where your toes, nose, ears, mouth and your belly button are if we ask. You know how to kick your feet on demand (thanks to swimming lessons). You climbed up on the couch for the first time this month. You leaned over in the tub the other night to blow bubbles in the water.

You love to climb through the legs of the dining room table chairs. You get such a kick out of daddy saying "I'm gonna get you" as you run towards mommy in the other room. So much joy that you scream at the top of your lungs. LOL

You can dance when we ask you to. Stand Up and down when we ask. LOVE to have daddy bounce you on the bed and couch. Loves to be tickled. You actually grab our hands and pull us to you to tickle you again and again. You know what close and open mean, on and off mean, you can pull the ceiling fan chain and light chain off and on over and over.

You have 6 teeth, 4 on top and 2 on the bottom.

Your hair, FINALLY, is coming in. Now don't pull it out like I caught you trying to do tonight.

You understand what the words "gentle touch" mean when it comes to petting the dog or touching mommy's hair.

You love to try and do things that you are not suppose to and take that moment during that task to look at us to see if we will say "Please Stop doing that". You especially use that side look like "I know I am not suppose to do this, but I'll test mommy and daddy to see if they stop me" while peeking around that item you are hiding behind.

You love to rock out to the music in the car as we are driving somewhere.

I love you and thank you for making each day such a joy to wake up to.

tooth brushing, bath time, and DH's job

two of her favorite things to do in the evenings. Bath time and Tooth Brushing is so much fun. I love to let her play with her tub toys. She got a bucket of tub letters and numbers for her birthday so we play with these at every bath now (which is ever other night, thanks to Dh with taking turns!). She also loves to grab for her tooth brush right after her bath. I set her on the sink rim in her towel in front of me and then put some tooth paste on her brush and off we go to dry her and put her pj's on. I sing a silly (made-up) song about her brushing her teeth and show her how to brush back and forth and up and down. She loves to mimic what I do so she does this brushing pretty well. I love this at 13 months of age because she now has 6 teeth to keep in good shape. Now my question for you is..... when is the right age to take her in to the dentist? What age worked for you and your child? My dentist said another year or so, but should I wait until she is 2?

I remember at the age of 4 sitting in the dentist chair getting fillings in my teeth. It was horrible and I don't want her to go through that. With adoption, sometimes that is the blessing of not sharing my genetics. My paternal family history of tooth decay is horrible. I will keep on top of her dental hygiene. I will!


as far as Dh's job, he works for a local company that sold out to Big Brother and now BIGGER Brother bought Big Brother out so DH was given an end date of March 2009, but was granted an earlier out of December 15th (too much crap floating around there). DH is now hitting the beat with interviewing and trying to find a job. I so hoping he can find something locally. Please keep us in your thoughts for him to find a job. I hate this. He has worked there over 18 years now and was "displaced" about a year ago. This puts our lives on hold for many hopeful plans such as looking into adopting again or being able to plan a nice family vacation next year. I will keep my chin up for him. I spread the word as much as I can that he is looking. Please send some good Job vibes for him. Thanks.

On the adoption front, I am so excited for some friends and extended family as we know several that are match with birthfamiles.

And I leave you today with a cute pic (yes, I love the tub pictures!)

Please go vote and Happy National Adoption Awareness Month

I don't talk politics on my blog. BUT I BEG OF YOU to go vote on Tuesday, November 4, 2008. I am one that says if you don't vote then you should not speak negative of any one thing that goes wrong by government standards in your life. Your voice is in your right to vote so go exercise that right and have a voice!

Secondly, This month of November is National Adoption Awareness Month. stay tuned for more posts on this subject.

Adoption is a part of our lives that will always be celebrated! I say CELEBRATED with a smile and warm heart. Thankful for our daughter and her birthmother! Adoption touches the lives of so many we know and are so proud to say it is and always will be a part of lives we will cherish. Thanks to a wonderful local St. Louis adoption support group, Infertility and Adoption Support, I have been able to be educated and can help educate those that are interested in adopting, especially experiencing open adoption. If you ever have questions, feel free to contact me. I can tell about our journey that brought us to adoption, our agencies, friends, family and how our two social workers helped us with the ups and downs of adoption and how our agencies brought us to the wonderful blessing of our daughter.

Adoption Haven
A Gift of Hope Adoptions

Adoption is a wonderful part of our lives... see

beautiful baby girl

sorry for the lack of posts. I thought I'd share another photo. I love her eyes in this picture. Hey, is that hair I see on your head there my little pumpkin?

pumpkin drunk she is.....

She was having a blast today at Rombach's pumpkin farm. Windy as all get out, but she pays no attention since she is still working on her hair growth. LOL
Yummy pumpkins! 2 for her and 1 for us all.

She kept trying to tell me she wanted to eat the pumpkins with this sign.

Taking her fursister Hannah for a walk while camping this past week.

Boo at the Zoo trip Friday night (WOW, that was fun!!)

I just know she thinks of J every day, but dang it must be hard

potential birthmothers have got to have one of the hardest decisions they have to make when they decide to make an adoption plan or by her choice the other option(I won't mention that word), thankfully our daughters birthmother chose to make an adoption plan with her yet unborn child back in 2007 and we were the blessed and joyful couple that accepted her match.

We met her in her 6th month of pregnancy and she had such a positive attitude that she was going with her plan to place and really wanted us to be the couple she chose to parent this baby. At our first in-person visit with her (and our social worker), She proceeded to ask us if we had a name picked out and if we wanted to know the gender to help with the name selection. WOW, that was fun to hear her ask us that question and within 5 minutes we knew the gender was female or in other words in the to-be-mom community, "PINK". Yippppeee. I was so excited. We told her the two names for a girl we had picked out and we agreed on Julia and she picked her middle name (our mutual understanding as it she has the right to name her anything she wanted from day 1). So Julia Marie she was named in-uteral! What a fun time because I had always dreamed of having a girl first and I wanted our first to be DH's little girl. Sure, at that point in time in the birthmothers life, she had all control, all decisions to be made, SHE IS the baby's mother and IS our beautiful baby girl's birthmother!

After weeks of talking on the phone, meeting in person , a few bumps in the road and then setting up the delivery information (we got invited to one of her doctors appointments and got to see this precious little girl on the ultrasound screen, so surreal!!!! especially after having gone through 7 miscarriages). We wanted strongly to believe this was going to happen, the placement from her birthmothers arms to ours, yet we were honest with ourselves and still kept reserved about the whole process. The birthmother sensed our pull back of emotions and called the social worker on it and the social worker discussed it with us that even on raw emotions of a failed adoption just weeks prior, it was ok to let some of our guard down and let ourselves be happy outwardly by facial and bodily actions! Like HUGS and like asking if it was ok to feel the baby kick in her belly..etc...

Things got so close in the last weeks, I was nesting, DH was prepping for time off, and figuring how much time I could take off work because I didn't get paid for it. Ugh.

Then the emotional questions started hitting before delivery, would we be invited to the delivery room (yes, I was asked by our birthmother to be in there and to take pictures too!), dh was asked to stay in the hall until the baby was out. How we would be treated at the hospital! Except for a minor issue with our birthmothers purse being stolen, all went smooth in the hospital. I then saw the emotional side of things change for her birthmother after she left the hospital only 24 hours after delivery. I was scared she would disappear and not want an open relationship with us, but infact, she wanted to see her only 4 days later when she went to the lawyers office to sign the TPR papers. Then we averaged seeing each other in person about once every 3-4 months for her first year with us providing letters and pictures each time. We had to learn that it was her move to make the decision when those meetings would take place. Sometimes we suspected that she was not in a good emotional state to deal with seeing us all in person. I can't imagine what she thinks when the date approaches for meeting up with us in person. Heck, I am nervous too. I just want to see them, birthmother, Juli'a birthsiblings (1 bro and 1 sis) and her birth grandma.

So we stand having invited J's birthmother to her birthday party a few weeks back. A week before the party I got a call on my cell phone stating she would love to be there and asked if it was ok to bring her sister (birthaunt) and mom (birthgrandma) and her birthsiblings. OF COURSE, but I did let her know there were going to be around 60 people there. That must have scared her. In fact, I know it did because she said she would love to arrive about a 1/2 hour early with the mutual friend driving so she could have a few minutes with us to have fun and calm the nerves. SURE! Heck, I even joked that my sister would put her to work with prepping food if she was that nervous about meeting everyone.

Well, came the day of the party. Friends showed and the mutual friend and her hubby and daughter showed, but no show for J's birthmother and family. WOW, that took a long story to get to that climax. Disappointing climax at that. At first I was starting to tear up while holding Julia watching the friend come down the drive with her hubby and daughter. I must have had a sad look on my face. The friend told me the reason she was not with her is that the birthmother would not answer the door when they were ready to leave. My thoughts on this is that J's birthmother was so scared to meet so many strangers and feel as though they might judge her in the way that would be so hurtful to her. BUT I feel in fact it would have been just the opposite for her. Heck, I am not her and I don't know what her feelings are and I am really sorry she missed her daughters first birthday party, but I know she was thinking of her at least. It took me a few days to get over the anger of her not showing, but then I tried to look at it from her perspective as much as I could try to understand and think of how hard it might be on her to see Julia, see the family setting we are all in, and to meet so many strange (unknown) friends of ours. I let the anger ride away at night now knowing that I have such a beautiful miracle in our arms each night rocking her and giving her a bottle of her favorite milk now. God brought us to her birthmother through friends and I am so thankful for them all. That is what makes it possible for me to be able to work around the anger, look at the family picture (birthfamily and us ) on the refridge and know she is thinking about us each day. Especially this BEAUTIFUL girl that is finally growing some hair and has 5 teeth now.

sometimes couples might find it hard to work past the disappointments of the rollercoaster ride of OPEN adoptoin. I can expect the unexpected and still be a happy family. I will still write her letters and send pictures every few months. She knows our phone numbers and how to get a hold of us by snail mail too. I just hope she is emotionally ok. I hope she is feeling our love we send to her each night when Julia points to her picture on her nursery wall and says hello. I hope she knows we are ok that she didn't make it to J's party and that we will eventually get together and have our extended families meet up. We will not be judgmental of anything as we hope the same in return. We hope that we can focus on the kids and let the siblings spend some quality time. It must be hard as the older birthsibling is old enough to ask quesitons about adoption. I told J's birthmother that if she can't answer B's questions about adoption to please feel free to have her call me and I'll try and help or maybe our social worker can help too.

I want to see life from every side of adoption, so if you are a birthmother with an open adoption, please feel free to contact me and let me know how you dealt with your child's first birthday with their adoptive family. How was it emotionally for you and your family? I want to cry thinking that J's birthmother is sad, but I konw I can't fix the emotional state she might be in. I can try and comfort if she wants me to be there. Or even if she wants us to step away and give her space, even if that means months and months with no contact. I am ok with that. I will still always tell J about her and what a blessing she is in our lives and always will be!

I hope she knows we think of her and her kids every day too! Let there be calming in my heart knowing she is ok and hers too knowing Julia is too. We are so blessed no matter how many days, weeks, months it takes between in-person contact. I will get through this one day at a time.

thanks for reading this mumbojumbo .. I know it might not make sense to anyone else, but it is a place to jot my feelings down and wonder if anyone else goes through these ups and down hills of emotions in open adoption relationships with their birthmothers or birthfamilies.

OH frickinfrack. I have a post written about adoption, but

I am not sure if I should post it. I'll make that decision tomorrow night. I'll run it past a few followers to see if it is too raw and or revealing.

meantime, I am so hungry, but just need to go to bed. I got my lab results back from the doc and my cholesterol is up and my A1C is up (with PCOS this can be wonky) so I have to go get tested again for both. LOL Now I am being on my better behavior and NOT eating dinner past 7 pm NO SNACKS (read: ice cream) either!!!! I am bound and determined to lose some danged weight off this short rollypoly body of mine! And just in time for the Holidays too. Good weight loss challenge is to get through the holidays with NO WEIGHT GAIN (and hopefully several lbs of weight loss still!) I'll keep you in tune. I hate that my body can stop being the focus of my life for other seemingly more important things going on. Well, that has to stop now and as of Monday AM I am on track. I am doing a combo of WW's and my own low carbing. Wish me luck. I weigh in tomorrow at work with my friends in my department. I'll post my update tomorrow night. As of June 11th I have lost 11, but kept off 9 so we will see.

Good night to you all.

do you remember kilroy? you know, kilroy was here

kilroy


well, does this look like his competition?




she hams it up for the camera and always scrunches her face up funny when she knows I am going to snap a shot of her.


this is her newest trick... climbing....






yes, she is a climber now too. 5 teeth, more and more hair, sassy and she talks back now in her own jibber jabber talk. She points her finger at everything and waits for us to say what it is, but lately she said the word "light" when pointing to the fan/light fixture and she said "bird" when pointing to a bird flying in the sky.

I will blog soon about some issues I am having with feelings about adoption, stay tuned. I have to sort through what I need to say on here and not hurt those that read here. sorry if that does not make sense right now. hang tight, I'll blog about things as soon as I can put the words together for you to understand. I always tend to think of what I need to say, but can't always put it into words on paper (read: blog it!). It will be related to the emotional roller coaster associated with adoption. up and down emotions and how to deal with them.

1 year check up and shots... YOUUUUCHHH

My poor daughter got 5 shots today. 2 in each arm and one in her upper thigh. YOUCH. I watched her face turn blue and even the doc was watching her as the nurse injected her arms to make sure she would eventually take her breath and not pass out. It is so scary to watch a baby do that no matter what age they are. She screamed finally after what seemed to be minutes (but was nearly 20 seconds of no breaths) and then just looked at us helplessly mad at us for having put her in this pain. My poor baby girl. I held her and started singing to her to try and calm her down. I always wondered how it would feel with them being older and really knowing what pain is and showing their dislike to you verbally and by holding their breath like that. Ugh

Weight is 20 lbs 13 oz (45 % and falling)
Height is 30 1/2 inches (80 % and rising)

so she is taller and getting thinner, but the girl eats like a horse. LOL. The doc is not worried at this point. He even moved her off whole milk to 2% now. He said she is so active (has been walking since 10 months) and just burns her calories off as she loads them on. No biggie.


oh wait, we have to go back next month for her next flu shot.

next appointment is 18 months .. WOW. that seems so far off.

I had a great day spending time with her.

We took a trip downtown to buy her Halloween costume from someone off of craigslit. IT IS SO FREAKING CUTE. I can't wait for her to wear it. What a bargain too. The Childrens place Butterfly costume with green wings, cap, footies and tights. Now I only need to find a leotard type top to keep her arms warm if it is hot out.

Ready Set SHOP ... Baby Mania Sale Time

Don't forget, tomorrow morning is the Baby Mania sale at Mehlville High School. We (my family) Decided not to buy a space for selling, but I think we will in the Spring. Instead, we will be shopping. I get to pick up my sister at 6 am and head out to Fenton and High Ridge first for a few subdivision sales and then we will hit the baby mania sale at Mehlville High School. We were at the opening bell (yellow tape line drop) this past spring and it was cold and windy and PACKED with crazy shoppers like us, FUN. This time around we won't be at the opening bell, but instead go later (like 8:30!) LOL I just don't feel like dealing with the mad dash to buy up the BIG yard toys and stuff.

Happy Shopping and finding that cheapest (but very nice) bargain!