that which is stolen is found

Well, for purposes of possibly catching the thief, I'll leave the details untouched. But the truck was found yesterday late afternoon. Now we wait for the insurance company to give their report, which I think would take at least 2 weeks. I hope it is totaled, but if not, we most likely won't keep it much longer after it is repaired and returned. Apparently a whole bottle of mens cologne was spilled all through the cab of the truck and it smells a mix of that and bad nasty arse according to the husband.

Thanks to the officers that found it! Good work.

meantime, I got hooked on America's next top model and am watching it tonight. I would be watching the cardinals, but they are making me fell ill after such a good game last night. Maybe if I don't watch them we will come back and win. We need to overtake the Cubs for first place now. Yes, the cubs are in first. My beloved St. Louis Cardinals are playing decent ball and I hope it keeps going that way.

Hey Thief, return our truck you stole

Yes, my husbands 2004 Dodge Ram 2500 pickup truck was stolen from out in front of our house between the hours of 12 am and 5:45 am. Go figure. DH woke up this morning to feed the dogs and looked outside to see the moons reflection in his trucks window. No truck! Stolen in the wee hours of the night. Frick.

I hate being violated like this. Husband said it has not sunk in yet. He made a police report already, called to report it to the insurance and has since called family.

The police officer (very nice btw) said to get THE CLUB.

DH also told the doggies "Guard Dogs" that they are fired because they did not alert us last night to the truck leaving. The truck is a diesel and is loud, but we sleep hard and did not hear a thing just like the dogs.

Ugh. $500 deductible.
Rental car
Holy Shit.

APB on a silver king cab Dodge Ram 2500.

ahhhhh, what a relief

WOW, what a great day. I went into this meeting with butterflies and shaky nerves, but thankfully I had my Rock of a husband by my side and he kept me grounded instead of shaking like a leaf with nerves and anticipation.

I wondered what I would wear, too dressy? too dressed down? Is my hair ok. Would she notice I don't wear make-up? Would she care how I needed a hair cut? Would she notice I did not have my glasses on? Nope, none of that became a worry as we pulled up in the parking lot. I know, you might say, gosh, she is being superficial, but it is honestly the way I felt when I was getting ready this morning. Would she like me for who I am? Yes indeed she did.

I hoped we would get there at the same time of the social worker and we were just a few minutes earlier than her. We waited in the parking lot for the s/w to show. We went in and sat for a few minutes just chatting until the birthmother showed up. Then, A hug started off the meeting. I love it. I had hoped we all might feel comfortable enough to give each other a hug on the way out, but she offered one right up out of the starting gate. Wow, talk about sweet gesture from her and the ice breaker I needed. I felt as though I have known her for a long time. The conversation lasted about 1 hour and a few minutes longer. We all ended with hugs again. I await her call for the time and location of her doctors appointment she invited us to attend this coming week with her. I was excited to know she wants us to be able to see an ultrasound of the baby. She wants us to experience things that we never got to knowing we could never carry a pregnancy this far along.

Speaking of this far along. The due date is exactly one month out. Yes, one month out.

Ok, I am felling like I am so much in a better place emotionally! Thanks to a wonderful meeting today. I prayed it would go well and it went better than I ever expected or anticipated.

I am glad I have read up on the open adoption book. It really helped me understand to an extent the emotions the birthmother is going through. I will never be able to fully understand what she is going through, but between her explaining her emotions to us today and talking with the social worker, I feel more at ease knowing she has a support system to help her through this. She has the s/w at her disposal if she needs to chat. She can call us and she has a doctor that understands adoption. Thankfully she has an great support system through her family too. I told my husband I am still nervous, but expectantly so with adoption in general. I will hope and pray that we keep moving forward to a birth and placement in a few weeks time. I can't wait to get to know the birthmother more and continue to offer her our support.

getting nervous, in a good way

I like butterflies in the tummy, most times, well today is one of the more exciting times. See, this Saturday we are meeting w/ the social worker(s) from our adoption agency and she will be introducing us to a potential birthmother(pbm). Actually, This is the birthmother we were matched with a month or so back. We are trying to become more comfortable with the situation so we all decided to meet in person Saturday.

I am reviewing many sets of different topics to chat about with the pbm. I know if there is a lull in the conversation that the social worker will be there to help throw topics around. That makes me so comfortable. I have asked DH to think of some questions too.

I have tried 3 times to write this post, but I am scared I will jinx DH and I to not be able to have this potential situation work out. I know, you all might say I need to have confidence in myself, but I don't want to flub up and make the pbm mad or upset. I'll take the cues from the s/w and try to go with the flow on Saturday.

I have been reading the one book I posted about earlier(7/25/07) on open adoption, most likely if this situation would work out, it would continue to be an open adoption and this book will have been a huge help in knowing what to expect and anticipate. What a great purchase off amazon.

Meantime, DH and I are going to go looking at cribs this weekend. We have a crib in the nursery, but it is from my niece, who is now 14 years old! I would be ok with the crib, but the rail brace is broke and I don't want to risk our future child's life in a dangerous crib. So we will be seeking out a crib at either target or sears or babies r us. Any recommendations?


btw, my nephew is still in the hospital. Getting much better, but such a slow recovery. I hope he comes home soon. Thanks again for the prayers.

Another note, our friend, Natalie, had great news on her cancer journal today. YEAH!

nephew still in the hospital

my nephew is going on week 4 of his hospital stay. 24 days in there and still more to come. He went in at 96 or so pounds and my sister said he is down to 73 lbs. OMG at 12 years old?!. He has got to get better. He is still not able to eat. Every time he goes off his iv meds his liver and kidney funtions go down. Nothing to eat by mouth yet. He tried the other day, but he was in too much abdominal pain to continue so they put him to a no eating order again. I am praying he can get back to a full function of eating orally and not through an IV.

His sister started high school this past Friday so I hope he can get home and get better so he can start his 7th grade year very soon.

prayers to him and I hope I can update you with a going home post for him soon.

cleaning house on a friday night?

Yes, that would be me. Well, actually, DH did a good job of it the day before, but I had my own duties to follow up on tonight. We are hosting Dh's immediate family tomorrow for a bbq/swim. Ahhhh, Great weather, great day for the pool (which still harbors some green stuff that no shock-it will kill after those freakin' hot days last week ).

I swear I wish I could justify hiring a cleaning lady to dust and vac a few times a week. Bahahaha. Dream on. I just can't spend that kind of money until I win the lottery(or should i say "we" win the lottery, Come on hubby, hit those big #'s).

I can't wait to have some good home delicious bbq tomorrow.

Yum.

I gotta charge up the camera so I can get a few snapshots of our two nieces and one nephew and DH's family.

I hate the prep for the bbq, but the reward is great to have everyone here.

Oh, I gotta remember to get out the envelope with names in it for drawing for the Christmas exchange.

Check out my other blog for Ebay items.....

http://twogoots.blogspot.com/

First pitch?

Yesterday, DH, myself and his whole family (immediate) went to the Dodgers vs. Cardinals game. We sat 1 row from the very very top of the stadium. Very very nice. We were out of the sun so we did not swelter too badly.

Upon entering the stadium gates we were given FREE t-shirts to each adult passing in the gates. Nice shirts. We enjoyed the game until the 2 run homer was given up in the top of the 9th... We valiantly tried to win it in the bottom of the 9th, but to no avail.

Meantime I brought the t-shirt home and went online to join the promotion that is on the sticker on the shirt to throw out the first pitch at a cardinals game. If you joined this promotion you had to say why you wanted to throw out the first pitch and I said I wanted to be able to overcome my fear of stage fright. Yes, Bad stage fright. If I would win the first pitch I would HAVE to go out onto the field and what better place than with the BEST Fans in the game of Baseball! Yes, I would let my beloved cardinals fans in the stands cheer me on and watch me throw out the first pitch. LOL One sure way to overcome my fear of stage fright. LOL.

I am working on some ebay stuff, stay tuned and I will try and post more on my other blog with new auction pictures.

My nephew is doing great apparently. Still in the hospital, but gaining strength each and every day. Thanks again for the continued prayers. I'll give my sister a call this afternoon to check on my nephew and I'll post an update in the AM so check back then.

Cheers to a great day and productive one at that.

Oh the innocent days of way back when

My Aunt (paternal) emailed me today with two pictures of when I was much much younger. I was sitting on the floor at (I think) my grandma's house holding and petting my Aunt's dog Missy. Oh Missy was funny. She loved to play and she also wore diapers. Yes, She was not spayed so she would go into heat and my Aunt would diaper her with real baby diapers (just a tail hole cut out) and would change them when needed. See, female dogs bleed when in heat, unlike humans bleed a menstrual cycle at the beginning of their cycle (not fertile yet). So here is the picture. I hope it turns out big enough to see it. If not, post and let me know.

Don'tcha like that funky 70's furniture? Nice Brown tweed couch and nice end / coffee tables too. And check out that children's rocker. I loved that rocker.

OMG.. I am going to have to go out to my Aunts house this winter and sit and scan all her photos of me as a youngster. I love these. They bring back so many innocent memories of my childhood. Ahhhhhh so fun.

thank you so much ladies and gents... prayers are powerful

I do believe they work and that is why I ask for them, or even the + vibes for healing if you are not the praying kind. My nephew is about the same as last night and did get a good night sleep without vomiting. An Immune Disease specialist has been called in from another top ranking childrens hospital to go over "S" case. They can't seem to get a grip on what is happening and need to get some extra specialites in there to look him over soon. Glad they are being so proactive.

Meantime we go on with life. I checked on "S's" two sisters and they are ok. I offered my company at home and they were fine without it. LOL... I am only 5 minutes away so they know to call ASAP if mom is at the hospital seeing S.

oh the Home front... DH and I are proud parents to 5 baby guppies. Yes, I am back into breading guppies for enjoyable pleasure so if you want any baby guppies in about 3 weeks let me know. FREE to a good home. I won't know their genders until 3 weeks maybe a few more longer. I love helping bring things to life. Love celebrating too.

That brings me to the quiet times with the agencies, no word from either on. Lets get the party on with our profiles out there. I like seeing some action. We welcome it.

Ok, off for a few winks then to work and a funeral home for a contract worker in my department. What an amazing man. 74, sadly died of a heart attack, but was doing his love, boating on the lake with his family. So crazy. Long lived life, yet shocking he had a heartattack after being so strict on his diet and all for years.

Going to dream a good dream or two before I have to head out into that heat tomorrow. If you work in the heat, I pray for you to seek comfort of the AC once in a while.

more prayers and healing thoughts if you can spare

My nephew is not doing so hot again today. He is bouting a huge infection (peritonitis) and now has high kidney counts again (bad) and his pancreas might have an absess on it. If the ultrasound shows anything this evening, they will schedule surgery again. Poor kiddo, he has been vomiting again. They put him on zophran again and phentenol for the pain. I hope they don't have to go back and do surgery again, maybe his body can fight off the infection and get things under control. Yesterday he was in a good mood, but was just so tired. He slept 1/2 the time we were there and slept through the machines beeping when empty.

I have been saying my prayers that he can recover quickly from this. So scary. My sister might lose her job over this also because she has not been employed there long enough for FMLA. Frick. We might have to get our legs about us and get a fundraiser set up soon for them. even with 80% of my nephews medical covered, 20% is still huge to pay out of pocket and plus one full time income lost as my sister is by his side 24/7.

Lord hear our prayers.

thanks for the + thoughts and or prayers for my nephew

my nephew is in picu recovering from the surgery that removed his appendix and untwisting of his bowel. His surgery lasted around 4 hours late last night. He did not end up with a colostomy bag, thank goodness. He will remain in the picu for 3 or so more days and then will be in the hospital for another 2 weeks or so. Thank goodness that his kidneys are back to functioning better, thank goodness they untwisted his bowel without necrosis and thank goodness he is on the road to feeling better.

Thank you for the prayers and + thoughts for him. He is a strong 12 year old and has given his fair share of trouble, but deserves to recover from this 100%.

I plan on going up to see him once he is out of the picu as only immediate family is allowed in the picu. I plan on making him a card and taking it up with me after he is out of the picu.

prayers or + thoughts, if you don't mind, please

my 12 yr old nephew is in surgery right now. He had is appendix removed and now they are working on his twisted and blocked bowel. Gosh, so scary. He will be in surgery for another 2 hours or so. I pray he comes out of surgery ok. He will most likely have a colostomy bag for a few weeks so he can have rested healed bowels after surgery. Poor thing was vomiting since wednesday of last week, admitted to st. johns last friday and moved to Cardinal Glennon hospital PICU last friday afternoon. He went through a bunch of tests, mri's, cat scans, cultures etc. At first they thought he had e coli protein born, but he kept vomiting with no trace of it quitting. His mom is at his side 24/7. She just started a new job and might be released because of this. Looks like my bil (step-dad) to my nephew will try and get a fund raiser together to help pay for the bills while my sister is out on leave without pay or even if she gets fired. Ugh.

Please send healing vibes for my nephew and some healing prayers too. It brings me to tears thinking of how sick he is and how bad this could have turned out. We wonder if he was born with a condition to bring this on.

I'll post here again tomorrow as soon as I hear something. I will go up to the picu after work to sit with him to give his mom a break.

Good Lord above, please keep "S" safe and healing up well after his surgery tonight.

Adoption books I have read

Adopting after Infertility


Adoption is a Family Affair


Adoption without Fear

Open adoption books I am reading.....

I received both of these open adoption books last week that I ordered from amazon....

I am about 28 pages into The Open Adoption Book by Bruce M. Rappaport, ph.d. ( A guide to making adoption work for you - what to expect if you decide on open adoption - why open adoption is preferable for both parents & children - what birthmothers, adoptive parents & their children say about their open adoption experience)....... Yes, I read many books at once....

The next book I got is The Open Adoption Experience by Lois Ruskai Melina & Sharon Kaplan Roszia. A complete guide for adoptive & birth families - from making the decisions through the child's growing years....

I am about 49 pages into this book. This is the book I posted about on Sunday talking about fears in adoption and fears I had with infertility.

Thought I would share the titles to these books because several of you have asked me either on here or by email what the book's name was that I blogged about here on Sunday.

I am going to focus on the second book above for now as I am in the throws of the latest Harry Potter book.

We went into adoption knowing we would seek an open relationship with our child's birthfamily, but we are prepared to accept any level of open adoption, semi-open or even a closed adoption if that is what the birthfamily seeks. We can't wait to do those update letters and pictures and chat about how the baby is growing and our family activities if that is what the birthfamily feels comfortable with. We would like to be able to visit at least once a year in person if miles between us are not too far. Heck, flying and meeting up in person is a hope, if possible too. Sure, that might seem way too open for some perspective adoptive couples, but we are comfortable sharing how we feel about the level of openness we wish to have. Each adoption relationship is different and even if we are very open at the beginning of the relationship, that level might slow in later dates of time or even increase if the level is more a semi-open adoption plan.

If you have adopted, what is your level of openness? None? Semi-open? Fully open with a few visits in person a year with letters and pictures to fill in that time?

Stop that clicking

Oh shoot, I was suppose to be listing more stuff on ebay, but I got into the clicking of my online blog roll and it rolled into another blog into another blog and so on. I got into 10 different blogs before I had to stop myself and come back here to gather my thoughts and list at least 1 item on ebay. Bahahaha. At least the clicking into other blogs does not cost me money, only time. But that time is money as it takes away from my ebay sales. What a vicious cycle. Click

fear fear fear everyday everywhere

I am reading a book about open adoption right now and in the Understanding Open Adoption chapter (1st) it talks about "Working Through Your Fears". Fears are reality in adoption as it was going through Infertility. My fears are valid in these two different arena's. In dealing with Infertility, our fears were that we would never become pregnant, once we did and experienced our first miscarriage at 8 weeks(2nd loss of 7 pregnancies), we then entered the fear of will we ever become parents of our own biological child. The answer we know is 99% most likely not (we do have one frozen embie and remember I am without a uterus now surrogacy is unreachable financially!). Then we moved onto building our family through adoption. The fears were there from the get go. Fears of never being the ideal couple a perspective birth family would never like, fears that we would have a failed match (3 times now), fears that we would never become parents through adoption.

Yes the fears are there in every step we have gone through. Fears that are valid. Being scared if we are not a couple that is Fit to be Parents. I often ask "Why" still in adoption as I did with Infertility so that fear, although a different perspective, is present every day of our lives.

Dealing with losses of any kind is hard. Losing a parent (both of us have lost our fathers to cancer) and losing a pet that has helped us deal with our Infertility and Adoption losses, loss of friendships, and loss of control.

I guess the control issue is a greater fear of all of this. I can't control what a potential birth family does and what decisions they make. I can't control when and how we will become parents (how is less of a worry because we know we will adopt). I can't control the worries about finances as we are not RICH (and I do work 2 jobs). I can't control when we will get that match that turns into a placement that is successful. I can't control ANYTHING except how we know for sure we will become parents one day. I guess that is more HOPE than control.

I know, I am rambling, but the issue of working through our fears is an everyday task we will not give up on. We hope that each day we can control our fears long enough to be able to keep that hope alive for a call with a match turning into a placement of our first child.

Another thing we just can't let go of is the wanting of a newborn. I fear missing out on those precious newborn moments. Sure, you all that are parents might think I am crazy, but I (and DH) have always wanted to experience that bonding from day one. Yes, we know there will be sleepless nights, moments of chaos, moments of sheer fear, but we feel we deserve to be able to experience these things as if we had given birth to our first child also. I know we won't have a sweet smooth ride the first few days and weeks of our baby's night and days being mixed up, but I want to and deserve to experience these things as any other new set of parents would also. It is a want, need, desire that I did not think was a problem until I this past week with dealing with a situation for a possible match. I know, you all must think I am ungrateful, but when a woman (and man) have a desire to experience something so strong, it can't just be let go so easily.

I have a longing for something and by gosh I will seek that out to the end of my days. I won't let go, although sometimes things have to be rearranged or changed to get there, I won't stop until we have a baby in our arms.

we won't let this get us down.... for long

thank you all for your support. I would be a lost cause without it!

thanks to a very nice update email from our AGOHA's social worker today, we won't stay down (emotionally) for long. Her email told us that our profile was sent out to two different potential birthmother situations yesterday. Ahhhh, a relief that we know our agency we were working with this past 2 months is working hard to find us a match. They have been so helpful. We have been a priority once a match has failed and we are comforted knowing we have all their support too.

I know we could be like some couples I have heard of, but we won't let this get us down. See, some couples that have been through a failed match emotionally and financially choose to step away from adoption on the whole for several months. Not having their profile shown or, making an effort to seek out any potential situations themselves, but deciding to take time to recover from the loss of a match. DH and I have said we are not getting any younger so we assess the bad situations we have been through, but we pick our butts up off the ground and march forward in hopes that a match happens again soon with a much anticipated placement soon to follow. We are scared, sure, of another match that failes, but we will keep our guard up and watch for any potential signs of something going wrong. Plus our social worker does have a watchful eye out for us also to keep us protected of the sour apple situations also.

We won't give up hope.


Meantime I am home today after giving myself a bad knock on the head. In the wee hours of the morning, ambien induced sleep walking, I got up to take a drink of water and I dropped a dish towel on the floor, I bent over to pick it up and WHAM, I busted my head open on the corner of the breakfast counter top on my way back up. OUCH. I immediately went to the bathroom and found blood. I did not want to go to the hospital so I just held a cloth to my head for about 1/2 hour. OUCH. Plus DH was out cold for the night and is very hard to awaken once he is asleep.

I did not black out, but I did get dizzy and felt a little nauseated when it happened. I fell asleep later after it stopped bleeding and woke up with a monster of a headache this morning. Let me tell you I gave myself a nice goose egg knot on the right top of my head.Ohhwwiieee. OOOWWIEEEE! I stayed home because I still can't shake this headache. I did call the docs office this morning and talked to the nurse about a possible concussion, but I think I avoided giving msyelf one, just a good knock on the old noggin'. Warning, don't sleep walk on ambien. LOL it is dangerous.

failed match and (cat death mentioned)

Yes, again.

In 1.5 months times we have experienced the nightmare of 2 failed adoption matches. This SUCKS. Long story on this one I will save for another day.

Our last kitty, Gizmo, is in heaven. She was 14 years old, a great kitty companion, but sick. We had to put her down tonight.She could not hold her bladder. She meowed in pain when I would pick her up, although still purring. My heart breaks when you have to put a pet down when you know they have some sanity left of their minds, but her body was failing her.

I'm going to bed early. This day sucks

I would die for that from kellie coffey - dealing w/infertility song

Kellie Coffey really sings from the heart on this video. Tissue suggested
WOW, SOMEONE REALLY GETS IT! Thanks Kellie for singing what I could never express in the proper words.

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